Letter to Stephenie Meyer: Bree- really?

Upon hearing the news that Stephenie Meyer wrote a book about Bree, @Brookelockart, Moon & myself quickly began an email conversation to speculate what was UP with this news. Brookie was inspired to write THIS letter:

Wait.. is this a joke?

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think the next installment to the Twilight Saga would be a Novella about Bree – a new born flailing and screaming vamp that came oh so close to getting a second chance and a new diet, but met a slightly anticlimactic ending at the hands of the Volturi.

Steph, (can I call you Steph?) I believe I just made Bree 10 times more exciting than she actually was in Eclipse. I understand the purpose she served in the series; it not only showed Bella the true nature of a new born vampire, it set up expectations for the reader, so when Bella is changed she is remarkably different. So there it is. Purpose served. Why in Hale would you need to give her a back story?  When I read on your site that you wrote The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella, I stared at my screen for a good 30 seconds just dumbfounded (and wondered if you were a Full House fan – How RUDE!). Then I mumbled under my breath, “What about Midnight Sun?!”

I took my frustrations to twitter, where the fandom was agitated. Thank god I follow some hilarious, snarky people. The tweets sparked my imagination about all the 3rd tier characters that I really never ever want you to write about any more than a blip in that elusive Twilight Series Guide (Yeah, December 2008, my ass). Just so we are clear, here are all the future titles we never want to see appear on your site:

  • The Lauren Mallory Diaries (thanks MasenVixen for that gem)
  • Cougartown: Mrs. Cope can’t help herself
  • The Untold Story of Lee Stephens, a fainting teenage boy
  • Fever Pitch – Renee and Phil’s love story
  • Surf’s Up: Rebecca Black escapes to Hawaii
  • A Pack Life: Jared does Sam’s bidding
  • How to Price Gouge on the Olympic Peninsula – A John Dowling Handbook
  • Austin, Connor and Ben – Nerds Unite! (this would be The Font and White Yorkie’s fav)

"Hi, I'm Bree." WHO!?

I’m hoping, Steph, that you get the point. I know these characters may fascinate you, but really all we want is Midnight Sun. There’s something that I’ve been dying to address with you…I’ve heard rumors that in writing New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn that you lost Edward’s voice. You fell in love with Jacob and could no longer give us a story from Edward’s perspective. Stephenie Meyer, I accuse you of being Team Jacob and the only way to prove your innocence is to finish Midnight Sun. This Bree story is insulting. I’m sorry, I do get easily distracted, but there’s no way that a Bree story will fulfill my need for Edward. GIVE ME MORE EDWARD.

Now once Midnight Sun is completed and I’ve read it 6 times, I will find it acceptable for you to write about the following:

  • Edward Cullen – New Moon, well actually I’ve read the Fan Fic, “Dark Side of the Moon” and have convinced myself that this is what you would have written if you were Team Edward. So no rush on this Novella.
  • Leah Clearwater – Who wouldn’t want to know more about this strong-willed shape shifter? She has a tragic love story and finally finds some reprieve when she leaves Sam’s pack. Will she imprint? Will she ever be able to have kids? Will she ever learn to like the Cullens?
  • Edward Cullen – Leg Hitch, nuff said.
  • Emmett Cullen – We got a Jasper and Rosalie back story, but poor lovable Emmett is left out. Emmett needs his time to shine!
  • Edward Cullen – Please, please, please, please write Isle Esme from his perspective and for Pete’s sake, NO FADE TO BLACK.

Let’s recap: No one cares about Bree, do NOT write any more novellas about minor characters, FINISH MIDNIGHT SUN, then give us Honeymoon Edward. Is it really too much to ask??

Your faithful fan and Team Edward Captain,

Brooke

PS That was noon on June 5th, right? *marks calendar*

Who else has June 5th marked on their calendar? And are you just gonna download the book for FREE or will you actually shell out some moolah to read it? And seriously…. BREE!? What are your thoughts!?

We’re gonna pound this one in your head. Don’t forget to check out The LTT Biggest Loser on The Forum

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

199 Responses

  1. Holy hell… this was fooking hilarious. What I wouldn’t give for this to go super-uber viral so Miss Meyer actually sees this. Let’s make it happen, cause this is GOLD.

    The Untold Story of Lee Stephens, a fainting teenage boy
    This should be a “made for TV movie.” The ABC Afterschool Special needs to be brought back for this story to be told. (Just as long as SM doesn’t write it.)

    Gawd, I love ya. This made my bday yesterday. mwah!
    xoxoxoooxxoxo

  2. I’m boycotting Bree until Midnight Sun is released……unless, of course, I hear it’s really good. I’m a sell-out.

  3. Hm, okay. when I opened this website, I definitely thought this was a joke. I laughed incredulously, which transformed into a disbelieving giggle. For serious? No doubt I will buy this book, eventually, but, really?
    I would just like the record to be shown that I actually read the first part of Midnight Sun before I read Twilight. Don’t ask me how, and I’m sure you know the why. So when I read Twilight, it was definitely a shade paler than I think it should’ve been. She really, really needs to finish this. The tweenies who started on that series are now the ones WRITING the almost pornographic fanfiction, writing off their UST, because who’s mind would NOT be stimulated by the titillating character who is Edward Cullen?
    So write in a vague and bland vanilla sex scene. Everyone will weep with gratitude and proclaim it a masterpiece simply because it’s…well… Edward Cullen and sex WITH Edward Cullen.
    And I will admit that the way she wrote it, Jacob did come across with a slightly bigger personality than Edward, but that is WHY she needs to complete Midnight Sun. After reading it, and then reading the Twilight Saga in it’s entirety, it definitely gave me a better understanding for him doing what he did. Not all of course, because SHE HASN’T FINISHED IT, argh.
    Anyway, what exactly I am trying to say, I don’t know. Somewhere in my inane and bumbling ramblings, I’m sure I had a point. It being, if this helps get the creative juices flowing, I’m all for it. However, this is the ultimate tease.
    I will be getting it though, so I guess SMeyer has the last laugh.

  4. High-larious. I thought I read a misprint or my glasses were extremely dirty when I saw the name Bree. I want to yell, who cares? Where the hell is Edward, who is the Twilight series, nevermind it’s supposed to be Bella’s story.? If there was no EC, there would be no Twilight series. Period, full-stop.

  5. maybe next she’ll write Young and Imprinted: Clare’s Outlook on Life

  6. Wow. Since when does SM work for you people? She can write whatever she wants and she doesn’t have to do as she’s told by you all or anyone else. You don’t have to read her new book if you don’t want to. You got the books you paid for. She doesn’t owe you.

    Also, y’all didn’t care about Bella or Edward before Twilight was out either.

  7. Twilght books are lame, wd not have read it if not because of the movie, Stephanie is a good writer? Not!….What i read was she was doing drafts and her agent was the one who gave her suggestions on what to write and editing the books , she is just a puppet cashing on the fandom……Who cares about Bree who? ………..Its the movie who sold her books, like Rob/Kristen says they never heard about it until they audition for the movie and they never wd have read it either…….Its content is for 17+ year old for god sakes not for little girls…….its all about money for her and the publlisher and studios…….I have higher respect for JK Rowling…..

  8. YOu are my hero!!!!!!! YOu’ve said everything I wanted to say..

    I’ve heard rumors that in writing New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn that you lost Edward’s voice. You fell in love with Jacob and could no longer give us a story from Edward’s perspective. Stephenie Meyer, I accuse you of being Team Jacob and the only way to prove your innocence is to finish Midnight Sun. This Bree story is insulting. I’m sorry, I do get easily distracted, but there’s no way that a Bree story will fulfill my need for Edward. GIVE ME MORE EDWARD. —> you know what, that became more than obvious in the last book…I want Midnight Sun too! I want to see more of Edward’s interaction with his family, his thoughts etc… But you know what, at this point the rest of it might be even more disappointing because she’s so out of touch with Edward.

  9. There’s actually an outtake of Emmett’s story on Steph’s site:

    http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/pdf/twi_outtakes_emmett.pdf

    While I too am foaming at the mouth for Midnight Sun, I’m actually totally psyched about this Bree thing. I’ve missed having some new Twilight reading material so badly that I’ll take what I can get. But I also think it will be interesting – there are soooo many other perspectives in this series and and all we ever see is what Bella/Edward/Jake see. I’d like to know what was going on up in Seattle when Victoria was building her army. Maybe I’m just too much of a rabid fan, but I find even the most trivial details of anything written by Stephenie Meyer about this world to be totally fascinating. Me wants moooore!

  10. btw.. Next up might be Mr. Banner’s Chronicles of a Science Teacher..but I think *THAT* has been done on ff somewhere too.

  11. LMAO, Brookie! I still loved what fngrcufs did with the Bree book concept the morning of the announcement. She decided that we needed a story about Brad, the guy who took a pic of Bella’s car at the gas station. I almost peed. So very win!
    I thought maybe SM had decided to enter that new contest about the B-listers of Forks. No such luck. Way to go, SM. Keep those fans happy with… Bree…?

  12. I enjoy my Bree lightly melted (NOT torn apart and roasted… I mean, what is this, olden times?!!?), and served at room temperature with brown sugar and toasted almonds, with really good crackers. Not as a Stephenie Meyer-created novella! WhatEV!

    😀 Don’t think I’ll be reading or buying it. But I prolly will. Really. Eventually. Maybe. :X

  13. I will download. I mean really???? Who cares??? MORE EDWARD!!!!

  14. I seen this the other day and was like WTF?? I mean really. Bree?? She couldn’t pick a better character to do one on. I agree with you about it ALL. I think she should’ve done this on Leah. She was more of a major character especially in Breaking Dawn and there is ALOT still mysterious about her.
    Of course I will still buy and read it. Not in a hurry to though. Oh well.

  15. As much as I want to read Midnight Sun in it’s entirety, I think the main thing to keep in mind it…she is at least back to the Twilight Universe. Perhaps it will suck her back in and she will continue telling the stories of the characters we have grown to love. So while I wish this was a Bella and Edward story, I could never complain about more Twilight. I am just crossing my fingers that this will not be the last. Once she gets back to the story maybe she will just stay there 🙂

  16. Keisha posted above:
    “I don’t have any of those “it’s best when it comes from the creator” feelings.
    Dear Stephenie- thank you for creating Edward and Twilight. I am forever indebted to you (and Visa) but I’m letting the fan fic writers take it from here. You focus on finishing Midnight Sun from here on out, k? Great! I’ll even Adopt A Highway to read it.”
    So the Adopt a Highway line (after ROFL) got me thinking….if SM is so moved by philanthropy, maybe if the fandom offered to donate a minimum amount (i.e. $10k) to her fave charity in exchange for free downloads of a finished Midnight Sun????? $10per x 1000 people, $5 x 2000 people???
    Just a thought!

  17. hi this is my first comment here, gee i laugh so much, this is where i come to when i need to a good laugh and just appreciate how some twifans know how to make fun of themselves while been very serious too and dedicated!

    just wanted to say glad i’m not the only one whose hopes were dashed, and plummeted from the rooftop of a highscraper when they realize in the nanosecond it took to click on the link wherever u first saw it only to read its about bree-who? not even the official guide which would have been a gazillion times better news( by the way i’m starting to wonder if that thing is an urban myth) i’ve read the books 7times but even so i had to rack my mind to remember who she was? the fry fish was mentionned more than her even bella’s gram too, le sighhh….
    i guess i’ll read it online and maybe maybe if i’m bored on a rainy sunday in ten yrs from now i”ll buy the copy on amazon for a pound-ish…i would love to read a book about any cullens before bree anyday anytime esp carlisle and esmee and see how they got their freak on back in the day!!!

  18. […] after reading Brookelockart’s rant about Bree in Eclipse, if you still had to pull out your book when you got home to remember who she was, don’t […]

  19. i 350% agree with that!!! my reaction when i received the email from BnN bout this novella was the exact same as urs!!! how could she n who the fridge cares about bree…she was soo nonentity in the whole twiland. i sent the email out to everybody i know to complain bout this crap… n i get the whole $1 for charity crap but we the twifans have been begging for MS for how long now…? come on now…really…get over the fact that one of ur friends betrayed you n give the fans what they want !!!

  20. All of yall that are talking about why she’s making the bree book, its real stupid. She can’t finish midnight sun right know! She’s in a writers block!!!!duhh and I think the bree idea sounds pretty good
    Stop bashing on her cause you know she’s probably reading all of these comments and give her time cause if you don’t then she might not finish midnight sun. Shell finish on her own.She just needs time

    • Well, I could care less…. I don’t even have faith that she could do a good job with Midnight Sun anymore anyway…

  21. […] that we’re gonna have to BRUSH up on our Eclipse knowledge & be well-acquainted with the Bree novella UC's big ass, gay […]

  22. […] Brooke’s letter to you when the news about the Bree novella broke pretty much said it all: We want Midnight Sun- not some story about a newborn who barely had a blip of a connection with Bella and Edward (though I know I will end up buying it). […]

  23. i came up with my own ending when i thought about edward telling bella (in the book) where when she first came into biology and her sent was over powering and he thought of ways to lure her away

    As i walked into Biology i saw him stiffen and glare i handed my slip to the teacher and he signed it and hand it and a book to me. The teacher directed me to the seat beside Edward Cullen, as i sat down he intinsified his glare and sat on the very edge of his seat. It went on like that for the entire class period, he kept glancing at me and looked (i can’t belive i was seeing this) hungry…. When the final bell finaly rang he said in a voice smooth as velvet “Will you care to walk with me” I was so tranfixed i couldn’t belive he was talking to me. So I wanted to know more about him. So, I followed (little did i know it was a death trap).
    I followed him into the forest I didn’t know if it was allowed to be there, but he started to talk pulling me in. “Why are you here?”
    I replied “My mom wanted to live with her new boyfriend ,Phil he travels with his baseball team, so I came to live with Charlie.”
    Still like velvet “You don’t like it here?”
    We were almost in the forest “I don’t prefer it”
    We entered the forest he said not a word and my common sense finally catching up to me, I ask “Are we even allowed to be here?”
    He said not a word. I froze with fear. He moved moved so fast, so quietly it was almost inhuman. He slowly raised his hand and brushed some hair from my face, it was cold as ice yet, hard as stone. My knees almost buckled I herd him utered a short chuckle. And he said in a voice getting cold and like steel “I almost am regreting this”
    I think for a moment and come up blank I ask “What do you mean”
    His voice is was rock solid and slow “I. Am. A. Vampire.” He whispered the last word almost to quiet
    The second I comprehended I was pinned to a tree him brushing his lips against my neck i studderd a breath and he chuckled.

    My heart was racing he almost leaned in to take the bite, his cool breath brushing against my neck, he suddenly froze and jerked away hissing. When Alice? i think jumped from the trees, I belive Jasper and Emmet, raced in and held him back i was so terrified i dropped to my knees my brain screaming to run when Edward started yelling “Let me at her, she’s MINE!” I finnaly followed what my brain said to do and ran I haddn’t gotten but two feet when Alice stops me, she walkes slowly toward me,cautiously, though she means no harm I begin to back away slowly.
    She says in a small voice ‘It’s ok I won’t hurt you just come with me.” I slowly follow and my mind and heart are racing before I know it I’m at a srange house Alice leads me in and seats me on the couch. I hear hushed tones in the other room and a strikingly beautiful man comes in.
    He introduces himself “Hello, I am Carlile, I am sorry for any trouble my son has caused you will you please tell me what happend”
    I explain what happend and he sat quietly and nodded every so offten. When I was done telling my story he said he was sorry for any inconvenence his son has caused me and Alice drove me home.

    He was not at school for that week and when he reterned he acted as though nothing happened.
    (this is were it picks back up into the book of were he introduced himself)

  24. I am actually glad that she wrote this book. unlike alot of the twilight “fans” I am not obsessed with edward cullen or jacob black. I appreciate all the characters and I love the little background she is giving to some. I personally would love to see several more novella focusing on the Volturi, like what was going on in their group when edward came to them in new moon and so forth. Another would be Victoria from when she first saw them with james up until she was killed. I would also love a jasper story, maybe what it was like to see the edward and bella saga unfold and what he went through in the beginning and up until she turned. That is my opinion but I enjoyed this book!

  25. Ok, seriously, I actually called my friend and said,
    me: “Who’s Bree?”
    Her: “Who?”
    Me: Bree.
    Her: bree who?
    Me: Bree from twilight.
    Her: the newborn that got wacked. Did she even speak? Why do we care about her?!
    Me: obviously we don’t care. But I read that S Meyer is writing a new novella about the short life of Bree.
    Her: what the #%@¥!!! Your kidding right?! She’s writing midnight sun. That’s crap. Who cares about a unimportant “Bree” story! We need EDWARD! Is SMeyer teem jacob?

    Hahaha. Apparently miss meyer (who I mean no disrespect) you have been formally accused of being team jacob. (Thanks Brookie). I would be able to handle it, even if u are team jake….as long as midnight sun gets written and published ASAP!!! Please please

  26. Dear stephenie,
    please continue breaking dawn by writing love story of jacob and renesmee. I was really looking forward for jacob and renesmee’s story and i would really like to read it.

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