Dear New Moon DVD,
It really seems like no one gives a crap that you’re releasing this weekend. Oh wait, is that just me? I dunno, member last year how I flew to LA (okay the date was a coincidence) stayed up till 5 am eastern time to stand in line with Moon, meet Ashley Green, meet a goth/gay/Hot Topic celebrity & randomly ask people in line if they’d ever heard of “Letters to Rob” & meeting awesome people like Charlie Bewley’s future girlfriend Ashley who become a fast friend? (Not to mention get my husband SUPER PISSED off at me as we left him wandering down Hollywood Blvd alone at 1 am, texting me every 10 minutes to see if we are done yet)
This year I don’t even know who is selling the DVD. Is Walmart gonna have it? What about Target? Most importantly, will Marks & Spencer carry a special edition? Will it come with a pair of the underwear Rob Pattinson & Tom Stu made so popular the other week?
I don’t know. So today I decided to do some research myself and find out WHO will have the BEST DVDs and what each different DVD will offer:
Let’s kick it off with The Basic New Moon DVD (or Blu-Ray but I don’t have one of those so I didn’t really pay attention. Sorry)
The basic New Moon DVD available everywhere, including your local grocery store so you really can never escape from Edward Cullen, even when you just ran in to pick up some milk & eggs, and will feature the movie (yay!), a commentary with Chris Weitz & the film’s editor which should be boring as crap unless Chris mentions his mustard colored pants and his knowledge of what a DILF means. Then there’s a 6 part documentary that is 60 minutes long on the making of New Moon. That could be really awesome, except….. isn’t that like basically the commentary? I mean, Chris Weitz made the movie, is commentarying the movie AND doing a documentary? Um. Overkill. And we’ll also get some rehearsal footage of Muse & some music videos from Soundtrack artists. Otherwise known as “filler.”
Target’s 3 Disc Deluxe Edition comes with…. wait for it…a BONUS FILM CELL! Yes!!!!!!! If I get Target’s version of New Moon this year, I can do absolutely NOTHING with the film cell just like I did with Twilight’s last year!!! Besides the regular 2 discs, Target’s version has an extra 3rd disc of over 50 min of never before seen content including: Deleted scenes (please let there be a sex scene- I don’t care with who- just spice it up!), Introducing the Volturi (I’d take the sex scene here), a making of the movie Featurette (making of the sex scene? Okay… I’ll stop), a look at the fans, & the music of New Moon. It costs $24.99
Let’s discuss this “Look at the fans.” What do they mean? Are they going to discuss the outfits the fans wear? Will they focus on the 100 monkeys canvas bags? How about on the fans who let their babies wear that “I like it Doggy Style” onesie? All I know is that they DIDN’T interview us, and well, that means The “look at fans” will most likely be focused on those weird fans. You know, the ones who have read the books 10+ times, forego sleep to read fan fiction, fly thousands of miles across the country to meet friends and do Twi-related things, wear outfits, make signs, leg hitch cardboard cut outs of actors and oh- wait… that is us. My bad. That’s Normal. (I STILL don’t have a Twilight tattoo or an “I drive like a Cullen” Bumper sticker!)
Walmart’s Ultimate Fan Edition New Moon DVD comes with some sort of special packaging that will get just as dusty on your DVD shelf as all the other packaging PLUS a 7 min sneak peek of Eclipse. At $24.96 that’s 3 cents cheaper than Target’s special edition and totally worth the guilt you’ll feel after saving the money when you realize it was probably packaged “specially” by some unpaid 3 year old in Bangladesh.
Border’s Special Edition has JUST what you’ve been waiting for. Not only does it come with exclusive packaging, but inside the package there is a….. wait for it……. MEDALLION NECKLACE! Yes! You will no longer be the only one without something Twi-related around your neck at your monthly TwiMoms: How to be a better mom and mirror your relationship with your daughter after Bella’s relationship with Renesmee meeting. You don’t have to look stupid when you go see the 100 monkeys and have nothing for the guys to sign. Just wear a low cut shirt, hang that medallion right in your cleavage and give the guys a little wink & a shake. They’ll know where to sign..
The DVD also includes unreleased extended scenes, interviews, red-carpet footage (you can see when Moon ran on stage and had Rob sign HER boob- take THAT 100 monkey lovers with the Medallion Necklace) and some sort of Webcast. All this fun for only $29.99
Are you bored yet? I am. Just give me the damn DVD already Ugh- Soldiering on after the jump:
Barnes & Noble’s Special Edition, not to be outdone by their main competition, Borders, B&N is including a New Moon DREAMCATCHER BAG CLIP! Yes! Yes! Just like Moon could bring you after she visits her parents next week in Arizona…..!!! Hey, at least with this Dreamcatcher you know that it absolutely doesn’t work and will more than likely give you sudden onset orgasms at night: $23.79
Best Buy’s Special Edition comes in a hard, steel casing. Yes. Just like Edward is hard like steel… I guess, I mean.. That’s what she said.. I mean… gosh, really, Best Buy? Who cares about this stuff? Do the 14 year olds really buy DVDs based on packaging? It also includes a cell phone skin. Which probably won’t fit your cell phone- since mobile phones come in ALL sorts of different shapes & sizes. But, good try Best Buy! $24.99
So…. which one are you gonna get!? Are you worried that you need to get the Target, Wal-mart AND Border’s editions to have access to the exclusive footage? No- take a little tip from me & here’s what you need to do. Do you need to pick up some toilet paper? Do you live closer to a Wal-mart than a Target? Go there. Want to check out Target’s kick-ass new “Liberty of London” clothing line (that was all sold out on Day 1 at my Target- sniff)? Pick up the DVD while you’re there. Need an overpriced journal or $3.99 “How to make your own sushi” instructional book? Pick up your copy of the New Moon DVD while you’re out. Do NOT make a special trip. Do NOT worry that you’re going to miss any special features. I promise all that crap will be leaked online on… wait.. when does the DVD release? Friday night at midnight? Okay.. the stuff will leak Thursday- at the latest.
I’ll probably get the Target version. If for no other reason than I like Target the best. Plus I like that the 5% of the extra .03 I’m paying over Wal-mart’s DVD will go to my area’s schools. I like to help the children.
Hurry! These DVDs are sure to SELL OUT QUICKLY… or not, cuz EVERYWHERE will be selling them, and you can grab one when you run into your local Wawa gas station for a cup of morning coffee,
Okay- WHAT ABOUT HOT TOPIC. It’s where I was LAST YEAR at this time!? Why didn’t I care to look up what THEIR DVD has to offer? Wellllll, because I did my research on Twilighters Anonymous. And they didn’t mention it. WHICH DVD ARE YOU GONNA GET?
Sorry to all you outside of the US- I have no info (aka I was too tired to search for info) on your DVD options. Although ALL of the UK versions with have the special Eclipse footage (just like we’ll all have Thursday afternoon on You Tube, after it leaks!)