Caption This: KStew at the Oscars

Dear Kristen,

You looked amaazzzing at the Oscars. Like seriously girl- I am coveting your dress. I knew you had girlie in you. I knew you had a hairstylist on speed dial. I knew you could glam it up for one night and chit chat with Hollywood elite and pretend to like it. It was the Oscars after all!

I was struck, after looking through the Oscar galleries from the red carpet & after parties, with the desire to figure out what was going on while the photos were being taken. I mean- you got a picture with Evan Lysacek gold medalist male ice skater. Was that on a dare from Taylor? Did Rob text you and request a picture for his mom?

So I declare today “After Oscars Caption Party,” and I’m gonna have fun! Thanks for letting me!


Okay Anjelica Houston is TOO MUCH FUN to only caption one picture:

After the jump, join the fun in a caption contest!!!

There were two more pictures that I thought I’d caption, but then I stopped…. I was being selfish. Why am I the only one who gets to have fun? So…. I implore YOU to join in the fun- caption one or both of these pictures. Write your caption in the comments or download the pictures and add text using a program like my fav- Picnik– and link to it in the comments for all to see!!

I have a few options for prizes too! WHOO HOO. I have two different, unopened New Moon calendars (Cuz who doesn’t need a 2010 calendar at the beggining of March) OR a paperback copy of The Lovely Bones with the movie cover. Your choice.

Give “Thumbs up” to the caption you think deserves to win! The Most thumbs up is our winner (Thumbs down DO NOT count against you!)

Have fun! I did 🙂

Thanks to Moon & CalliopeBlabs for their help!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Picture Source

101 Responses

  1. Bwahahahahaha!!!!!!!
    Woman, you are fecking hilarious.
    That Lainey Gossip one made me laugh out loud. At 11pm. When everyone is asleep.
    I love you for it.
    Jelly Huston looks strange. And poor K looks super uncomfortable (said like that ditsy blonde Glee regionals judge – if you’re awesome you’ll know who I mean).
    Also: maybe Tay was pointing out a zit on K’s chin. And internally, she wanted to bitchslap that little mofo for even daring to point out a zit at the OSCARS but instead smiled for the cameras? No?

    P.S. I’ve noticed that I may be waffling. This tends to happen when you’ve been up since 5.30am with minimal sleep pining over crushes from old workplaces. Sigh.
    Morning all. I miss this place when I have to go to bed early! xo

  2. “quivering member”! that was a great “10 Things I Hate About You” quote, and i nearly died when i read it! Fab-u! I LOVE the break-down!

    • photo cap#1: Taylor- C’mon, let’s give the people a “tent scene kiss” preview… you know you look lovely tonight Bella- i mean Kristen…
      Kristen: Mmm… nuh-uh. and you’d better remove your finger if you wanna keep it.

      #2 Kristen’s thought bubble- geeze take the picture already… my agent said i needed to diversify, but this is ridiculous…
      Evan’s thought bubble- Hot Dang! My bf will be sooo jealous! i wonder if this photo op will boost my ratings with the youth?…

    • I totally got that quote to!


  3. 1. Taylor “…now you stretch your lips sideways and lift your cheeks… THERE! and thats how you smile”

  4. #1 Taylor: “Chin up, kid. At least you didn’t drop anything like at the MTV Awards.”

  5. Taylor –

    “My eyes are up here Kristen”

    “Told ya I could lift you with one finger. These muscles arent painted on baby”

    “OMG it IS you. I could hardly recognise you without the plaid and the skinny white guy”

    Kristen –

    “If I squint like this, you almost look like Oregano”

    “Siiiiigh…You flip the bird with the MIDDLE finger Tay. Have I taught you nothing?”

    “I wish you were Zefron, He’s dreeeeamy”

    Morning everybody!

  6. I’m too tired to bring the funny this morning, so I’ll leave the captions up to everyone else.

    I will say that I love the one with her and Jodie. Soo many things can be said for that one. I would love to know what they were actually talking about.

    Also, I love how relaxed she looks when she’s with Taylor. Like she doesn’t have to keep her guard up all the time. Actually that picture kind of looks like he’s lecturing her for being cheeky. But in general 🙂

    PS. UC – there’s a pic of her yelling something at someone that is way too good to pass up for a contest like this. you should post it!

  7. Oh man, these are hilar! Hilar! Especially Anjelica Huston. Priceless!

    Ok, here we go…
    #1 Of course Kristen can be nice, hot blond girl! You just have to know how to rub her, y’know? See? Niiiice kitty kitty kitty…

    #2 Kristen’s thought bubble: Who is this person?
    Gold medalist skater boy’s thought bubble: Who is this person?

    Okay… the funny part of my brain is clearly asleep on this Tuesday afternoon.

    • Hahahaha! No, no, your brain is not asleep. Love the second one! Why the heck was Kristen Stewart posing with Evan Lysacek… wait, why was he even there?

  8. #1:
    Taylor: Random blonde hottie, I’m brave! I’m legal! Look, I’m scratching the Fierce JettStew under her chin.
    Kristen: (through telepathy) Okay, I won’t punch you. This once. BUT that’s only cos’ I think TaylorS didn’t REALLY make it worth it … maybe this girl will.
    (That’s an older sis, always looking out for you)

    IceSkater: (thinking) what was I supposed to ask her again? Something about Rob’s phone number? Damn, I can’t remember what my wife drilled into me. OW! My ass! Keep smiling!
    Kristen: (thinking) Can this guy feel the pinch? I think not – harder – harder – he’s bound to yelp any moment and provide some entertainment that will make this night worth it ….

  9. 1) T: do NOT make me come over here again. These are VERY important people and you WILL stand up straight and smile. Are we clear?

    2) K: Fuck. I wanted a pic with Johnny Weir not this dude. Gah look at his hair, clearly he didn’t get the “everyone wear your hair like Robs memo”

  10. Not sure if this will work so I put the text in as well!

    Caption 1: “Trust me Kristen, this one finger alone can accomplish more than his ten fingers combined”

    Caption 2: “Kristen finally meets the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”


  11. I suck at this (twss) but I’m gonna join the fun anyway…

    #2 Oh, I wonder if this guy is single. Tom needs someone AND then we could double date!

  12. KStew looks like she’s at an art gallery leaning all over the art! Way to respect art Stew! I knew that tortured artist bit was a facade! 😉

  13. Caption 1:

    Kirsten challenges Eric the Gaysian to a staring contest.
    Kirsten looses after blinking 1,000 times in the first ten seconds.

    Caption 2: “No, you definitely can not borrow Rob for an evening of shopping at Marks+Spencers and pub crawling around Barnes…”

  14. Pic w/ Taylor: Taylor says “You know you really should have this mole looked at. It is really not good when hair starts to grow in them.”

    Pic w/ Ice Skater dude: Ice skater thought bubble says, “OK don’t pass out, its not really Bella, she just plays her on the movie, but ohmygodohmygod. The girls at LTT will never believe I touched her. I’ll show them who’s the unicorn.”

    Note to UC: Love the prizes, totally random junk from your house is awesome!

    • I know, right? (re: prizes) I am hoping for one of the calendars, as I meant to buy one but the stores around here either ran out or threw them out before I got one.

    • hahaha…. well, i got TWO calendars for christmas and forgot and just found them (unopened) and then someone from paramount sent us the books- OHHH I have a signed poster too from the Lovely BONES! Someone pick that one! I’m tired of it sitting in a corner in my living room!

    • totally random crap from UC’s house is better than my “good stuff”.

    • “I’ll show them who’s the unicorn” hehe

    • Evan Lysacek is totally a unicorn

  15. Sorry, I’m not very creative because I just want to caption both with: “I want it.”

  16. Looking at these pictures, I have come to a realization. Kristen has some nice jaw porn of her own….if you like that sort of thing.

    PS – Love the Angelica Huston pics/captions.

  17. is it just me or does the one with evan lysacek resemble many of kristen’s fan pictures. like he wanted a picture with her and is smiling more than she is because she’s like wow another fan. i don’t know, it made me laugh.

    • It does. He’s probably just happy to be there; still basking in the glow of his gold medal.

      I wonder if she even knows who he is. She doesn’t strike me as an Olympics fan.

  18. That picture with Jodie Foster is awesome!

    Jodie: “So help me God young lady, if you don’t dump the pale British kid I will lock you in the ‘Panic Room’ til you’re 30!”

    K-Stew: arms crossed. eye roll. “Whatever. You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not even my real mom. I need a cigarette.”

    Jodie: “Don’t you sass me. Get back here!”

  19. So, these pictures just go to prove that a) she can smile if she wants to b) she doesn’t want to smile very often.

  20. “You’re Lainey Gossip, right?” LOVE IT!!

  21. Kevin and Bean are doing a KSTEW spoof right now. Turn on KROQ.

  22. #1 Taylor: “Chin up, loca!”

  23. Caption #2

    Still laughing at the Jodie and the tool belt reference!

  24. WOW these are too funny! I was honestly waiting for some Calli reactions. Hers are my fav, esp the texts from or to Stew. I always die laughing.

    Let’s see…Hmmm, Tay Tay says to Stew:
    “That dress will look even more lovely on my floor.”

    IceSkater Stew says:
    “No I will not give you his number, but fine, I’ll take a pic with you.”

    PS – I think I’ve seen this post somewhere else today.

  25. These captions are hilar, esp the Jodie/toolbelt conversation. Mostly I just still love Stewie’s damn dress. WANT!

  26. Taylor lifting Stewie’s chin – ‘Nobody puts baby in a corner’

    Jodie Foster – ‘Don’t sweat it kid. I’ve refused to answer THAT question for years and nobody is any the wiser.’

  27. Caption #1 Taylor: Will I see you at Olive Garden later?

  28. Love the captions! They both looked great at the Oscars. Michael Sheen as well. 🙂

    First pic with Julianne Moore:

    “What?! You were told that I had auditioned for the role of Victoria!? Hahahaha!!! I don’t think so!”

    Pic with Jodie Foster:

    “I’m telling you, Kristen, what you did with Dakota in The Runaways is definitely the right thing! Stay away from those horrible men!”

    Last pic: Evan Lysacek was going to wear his gold medal, but was afraid Kristen would touch it and break it in a million pieces.

  29. Here goes:

    1. TL: “I’m going up to the bar and will order two piña coladas….act cool and they won’t card us!”

    2. KS: “so let met tell you about my single friend Tom….”
    EL: I’M. NOT. GAY!

  30. EVAN: So, Kris, can you arrange us a double date with TomStu and RPattz?

    PS I love Vera Wang’s caption!

  31. Afternoon all!

    Caption w/Jodie Foster:
    Jodie: “What YOU kidding me? Show up here after 2 freakin teenybop movies thinkin you all that? I don’t think so! I hired you when you were a skinny lil bitch and don’t you forget it”!
    Kristen:”Seriously,you been in like how many movies lately?The only reason they show Panic Room now is cause I’m in it!”

    Caption with Tay: option #1
    Tay: “Nope nothing stuck in your teeth, but kinda hard to tell but the next time tweeze the nose k.”
    Kristen: “Yeah I can totally see that your starting to grow facial hair..totally…”

    Caption with Tay: Option #2
    Tay:” Seriously Kristen, I’m sick of everyone asking ME why your not smiling, chin up, it’s the Oscars for Gawd’s sake!”
    Kristen: “Easy for you to say, you didn’t have Jodie Foster chew your ass off for the last 20 mins.”

    Caption with Ice Skater:
    Kristen: “Umm err umm, can this photog not tell this guy is grabbing my ass?”
    Ice Skater: “Damn my ass is tighter than hers!”

    Sorry not really “feeling” the funny today… 🙂

  32. Pic with Taylor: “Hmmmm, let me see…..right one, check. Left one, check. Yep, my eyebrow waxer Antonio did I pretty good job on ya Loca. Aren’t you glad I recommended him to you?”

    Pic with Evan Lysacek: thought bubble kstew: “dude that so better NOT be your hand on my ass”
    thought bubble elysacek: “cheeeeeeeese”

    • She does have some well-waxed brows. I bet her brows are scared of Robs.

      • true story; during my first viewing of NM I couldn’t stop staring at her eyebrows. While everyone else was captivated by Robward’s wonky nipple, I was transfixed by her mis-matched sweat catchers.

  33. Got a good one for the TayStew pic:

    Taylor: “Pubs, schmubs! Wait till I take you to the all you can eat pasta special at the Olive Garden!”

  34. These are GREAT! 😀

    Taylor: Your smile actually isnt as awkward as Avril Lavigne when she trys to smile in those Proactive commercials…

  35. I love you girls.

  36. Photo #1- “Yep. Stoned.”

    Photo #2- Ice King meets Ice Queen.

  37. Oh so late to the party as usual.

    Photo of TayStew: ‘Listen Cinderella, the clock is ticking and the prince ain’t nowhere to be seen.’

    Loved barefoot pics of Kristen leaving party, I think we’ve all been there.

    What the hale was an In ‘n’ Out Burger truck doing at the VF party? Is that why Big Daddy was MIA – they got a court order banning him from the vicinity for the night?

  38. Caption #1

    TL to KS: “You better keep your mouth shut about BigDaddy’s In ‘n Out burger truck parked outside or you’re walking home…barefoot!”

  39. As I am the slow one in the just dawned on me that the 1st pic with Kristen and Angelica in front of the restroom is going something like this:
    Kristen: “Um Yeah..I REALLY like to talk to you but I have gotta pee SO BAD”!
    The 2nd shot appears to be Angelica explaining to Kristen the benefits of Depends for just these type of occasions..
    The 3rd is definately Angelica “sharing” that she has in fact tinkled in her gown a time or two! 🙂

  40. Just read that Summit will release (finally!) a ten-second teaser (That’s what she said) trailer tomorrow!

    Hold on tight, spider monkeys! 😀

    • And it had better sparkle, and not make me grimace… to my chagrin. <—— Twi Pun Overload Alert!

  41. Evan Lysacek is my newest and most potent obsession at the moment, so needless to say, I let out a little squee having him mentioned in this letter. :):):)

  42. Weird… I tried to get an avatar through the WordPress and Gravatar scenarios, but they both wanted me to scrunch up my screen name and make it into little lowerccase letters! As IF! No offense, but WTH! 😛 I guess I’ll just remain a little green monster…

    [ladygaga]”That boy is a MONster….. “[/ladygaga]


  43. I want the paperback of Lovely Bones!!!

  44. […] Caption This: KStew at the Oscars Dear Kristen, You looked amaazzzing at the Oscars. Like seriously girl- I am coveting your dress. I knew you had girlie […] […]

  45. […] the jump, see the hilarious winning entry from the contest we ran […]

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