Remember what Jackson Rathbone used to look like?

About a year ago, Jackson Rathbone looked REAL hot up there in The Couv.  A year later….. wellllllll, Too_Far_Gone and TxLiLi have some different thoughts on what they’re thinking now, a year later. We think you’ll relate to one of them…. we do:

Jackson,

In the approximately 416 days I have been reading LTT (yeah, I counted, I’m that girl, and it’s an APPROXIMATION thankyouverymuch)… I have never once thought about writing you a letter. But I came across some old pictures of you on Lainey, and let me tell you… I was suddenly ready to clip a Team Jacksper button to my Suspenders o’Flair.

Jeebus.

I’m sorry, what we were saying? I blacked out for a minute.

Oh yes… HOT DAMN. The jeans, the cowboy boots… Hey, I have cowboy boots too, maybe we should meet up and knock them together hang out sometime. The blazer! It’s a great look for you. And look at that swagger! You are sex on legs!

If these were the only pictures of you that I ever saw, I would have canceled my membership to the RPattz-Is-A-God-Among-Men Society in favor of a lifetime membership with Jackson-Please-Be-My-Babydaddy Association. *IF* these were the only pictures I ever saw. Unfortunately, I have seen you in the past year… and every time you’ve looked like this:

NOOOOO *sobs*

Jackson, why would you do this to me? What are you even THINKING? I’m speaking as your friend, because there is no chance I’ll be banging you while you resemble Mr. Smee from Captain Hook. I have fantasies, but none of them involve Wendy being ravaged by an overweight pirate. Seriously, even Rob looks like he showers more often than you do. People keep saying that you’re The Sex in person, but I’ve seen you TWICE this past year at 100 Monkeys shows, and I never once felt an inclination to launch myself across at you to lick your jaw from chin to ear say hello!

Jackson's fashion muse?

Please, what will it take to get back to your March 11, 2009 old self? Do I need to stage an intervention? Should I strip you of your clothes and hold you down under hot shower spray? Should I make sure to scrub every inch of your —- what?! I’m just trying to be helpful…

Jackson, I’m just saying, I know you have the potential to be the subject of my fantasies be a functioning member of society again. Can’t you help a girl out?

President of the Jackson-Please-Take-A-Shower-Then-Call-Me Coalition,

Too_Far_Gone

Lili gets real honest after the jump!

Dear Jackson,

Let me preface this by saying that it’s all @Too_Far_Gone’s fault that I am coming clean today. I felt I had to go to bat for your honor, so to speak. Wait. Bat. You in the bat scene…..mmmmmm. One sec….I need a moment. Okay, I am done back. Now, where was I?

See, @TFG sent me an email last week with some pics of you in The Couve from last year. You were walking down the streets with Ashley some girl looking all sorts of hot in your beanie and white sunnies. Anyhoo—she sent me those pics asking if I had ever seen them and that you looked hot. Uh duh, I’ve had those saved on my lappie for months now welcome to my world! I’ve known of your hot-ness for ages now. Ever since you 1st walked into that Forks High cafeteria in that white Members Only jacket, I’ve been a TeamJacksper lost in a sea of TeamRobward-ers. But now, on the 1st year anniversary of those hot ass pics, I am ready to write my first ever letter to you.

I am not going to lie, I have thought long and hard (TWSS) about this letter. I have wanted to write it forevs but never knew how to put my feelings for you into words. I mean, how do you tell someone that you’ve never met that they give you tingles down there without sounding, I dunno, creepy?

But then I realized, I wouldn’t sound creepy at all because my love for you is completely, totally, 100% superficial. And when you think about it, you know it must be real because, let’s be honest here—have you seen some of the crazy pics of you out there on the interwebs? If I can love you looking like this:

then it must be a deep superficial love I have here.

Don’t get me wrong though, you are one hot mofo. I may or may not have this reoccurring dream where you come over and we spend the night smoking a bunch of pot cigarettes, watch The Devil and Daniel Johnston and then get into a heated argument on the validity of Daniel as an “artist”. To end the evening we hug it out on the couch. And by hug it out I mean we do a bunch of on top of the clothes stuff. FF style. The words dry and hump come to mind. Cause, you’re a 25 year old musician on the road. With no girlfriend — semi-regular booty calls from Ashley while on location in The Couve don’t count — so I don’t know where your ::ahem:: stuff has been. I can’t catch The Cooty, yanno? I am a lady after all. But I digress.

Back to the point. See, I’m totes the real deal because while I know (and love) when you look like this:

and this…

… I also completely love you when you look like this:

and this…

And even, gawd help me, this:

So, see? See what I am saying here? I will stick by your side, through the good looks times and all the crazy, horrendous, hilarious bad ones too.

Yours (at least while you look all hot and shizz) eternally,

TxLiLi

Okay, I KNOW you’ve wondered wtfudgeeeee is up with Jackson these days. Are you still on board? Were you ever on board? Do you ever wonder what “board” people are talking about when they use that phrase?

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

61 Responses

  1. I have to say, I’m with you, LiLi! Because when Jackson looks good, he *really* looks good.

    I may or may not have a similar recurring dream. Only, we watch The Last Waltz, debate about Levon Helm being the greatest drummer of all time, and the clothes may or may not come off during the *hug* portion of the evening. That’s normal?

    • Dammit – I hate those temperamental people that sometimes look fuckhawt and then they look awful and then you get confused as to whether you think they look a bit hot Jonny Depp-esque or like a catfish.

      Jackson, be consistent.

      • OMFG LiLi and TFG….you guys srsly just made me snort my water at my computer screen LMFAO!!😀 this is so full of WIN! I remember when we saw Mr. Jacksper and LiLi totes molested me from behind and bit my shoulder fangirling…it was awkward…and by awkward I mean I really liked it and wanted more😉 LOL…and then I remember TFG and I watching the Monkeys and instead of listening to their “great” music ::sarcasm:: we were extra BFFs with the bananager…and we took some awesome pics outside…(hands in pockets)…anywho I have never been a team Jacksper and he is too scrawny for me…I’d probably break him…but I love that you girls love/lust him and bring the funny!🙂 ILY guys hardcore!

  2. Mèèèh… Jackson never did it for me, hawt pics or ridonkulous pics. Sorry, Jacksper clubmembers.

    *holds on to her Robward club member card real tight and runs*

  3. I’m on TFG’s boat. I appreciate me some Jacksper but please readopt Mar’09’s wardrobe and cleanliness. The pics of him arriving in the Couve, wearing the blazer… *fans self*
    Don’t know if this will work but: http://www.laineygossip.com/Kristen_Stewart_Taylor_Lautner_Nikki_Reed_Robert_Pattinson_Kellan_Lutz_Jackson_Rathbone_in_Vancouver.aspx?CatID=0&CelID=0#

    • Okay good. See second to last picture.

  4. One word.

    Catfish.

  5. BAHAHHAHA!!! when i interviewed j-bone at twicon he was sOOOO sexy – GAHHHHH that STARE! but then i saw more images like what you posted and was ehhhhhhhh…. =(

    HOWEVER, one of our girls from WTForks just spent some time with him at a photoshoot and looks like he’s BACK ON TRACK woot wooooot! check it out!
    http://www.wtforks.com/2010/03/02/jbone-in-the-house/

    • mmmm….the stare! Yes. Me likey! But I’ll see your stare and raise you a smirk. Man he gives good smirk.

      • The Jackson smirk kills me. I want those lips…. on me.

  6. Glad this has been brought to my attention. He is the one in the cast that gets the least amount of interviews and press…even less than Gil Birmingham probably. He does bring the pretty when he wants to though.

    If you want to read a hot FF with Jackson in it I suggest Only You by JMCullen on Twilighted. Yums.

    • No one ranks lower than Elizabeth Reaser!

  7. Thank You!

    I had a raging crush for this small boy from Nov 2008 to say June of 2009 or so and then, well it just kinda fell away. Sure, he’s too young for me, but that didn’t stop my unconscious from having some fun, and good for dream me.
    His look just did things for me and then, well frankly it did nothing at all. The stylish fedora? The multilayered outfits (that would take a lot of time to take off)? Even the early 90s hair length all just worked. Then we got silly and I just couldn’t keep it up (is that what he said?)

    Tis a shame, a good crush is fun now and again.

  8. I constantly weird myself out because I think Jackson is hot, and then I see a picture like some of these on this post and question my sanity. But there is also something super sexy about someone who is…oh what’s the word…let’s say unique. 🙂

    • Your sanity is in tact! Good Jackson just makes up for Bad Jackson.😉

      • Whew! Thanks. That’s true. When he’s Good, he’s VERY Good. Balances out the Bad.

  9. I can definitely see the appeal in Jackson when he’s looking all hot and southern boy sexy, thanks to LiLi’s tweeting hawt twitpics of him. But otherwise, he just doesn’t do it for me. Maybe I am far too drunk on the Roberade. Maybe he seems too short (is he? I have no idea, but this is the image I have of him). Maybe his acting in the Twi/NM are just total turn offs (like take a dump already, dude, you will feel so much better). Maybe it’s that his band has a bananager. Whatever the reason, it definitely means there’s one less biatch in line for smexy times with him, right?
    Brill letters, TFG and LiLi!

    • Hahahaha! “Drunk on the Roberade.” I love it!

    • “like take a dump already, dude” !!!

      I❤ you!!! You just made my morning!

    • “Maybe it’s that his band has a bananager.”

      Yes! And uh, that the bananager is SO EFFING creepy and like makes out with 18-year-olds at the shows…?

      SOMEBODY CALL CHRIS HANSEN FOR GOD’S SAKE

  10. Wow what perfect timing! I actually met Jackson last night at the 100 Monkeys show in Des Moines, and dang… boy looked good. I’m with you LiLi, I’ll take him any day any way. I think the grease and bandanas only had to the sex appeal.

    • Yes. The grease. The bandana. The crazy facial hair. I’m in it to win it.

      • *add* to the sex appeal… i’m a little hungover from all the vodka and noise of last night

        oh and those glasses, i want to fog those up

  11. Oh LiLi, you know I will never get it, but that’s okay cause you know you will not have to trip my ass to get to the Jax when we are in LA. I will support your Jax love cause it moves you out of the way too long line for Rob and into the much shorter line for the Rathbone! (Yeah, I said it.)

    TFG, you and I agree. Seeing Jackson in person totes ruined it for me. I was a sad panda. I mean, maybe if the music was at least good….

    • If the music was good, I would definitely be more into him.

      As it was, I was just afraid that he might come near me and drip sweat on my new Anthropologie shirt.

      • Oh hell nah! We can NOT have Mr. Smee shirt on the duds!

    • Oh Amber, this is why I’ve commited my life to you as your non-sexual lesbian partner….cause you support my quest to Rathbonia. <—–holla @veddersgirl!!

      • ::fist bumps:: Arriving at Rathbonia will come for you one day, as long as you drop me off at the Den of Sin first!

        • It occurred to me that everyone may not be aware of the Den of Sin. Here, for the newbies!

  12. Cause he isn’t actually that big of a fella…he makes me think of a naughty sprite. He has that look.

    • A naughty sprite…I like that image. Now I’m picturing him as Oberon in a Midsummer Night’s Dream.

  13. “I’m speaking as your friend, because there is no chance I’ll be banging you while you resemble Mr. Smee from Captain Hook.” TOO….FLIPPING….FUNNY!!!

  14. With all respect I was never into Jacksper. The whole slim lean pixie man look is just not for me.

    On top of it all (no offense to Jackson, it’s not his fault he was selected for this role) I always imagined Jasper to be a meatier (hehehe) southern fellow since he was always into fighting and battling etc. I just don’t see how Cathy looked at him and was like, “oooh, he is ‘so’ the rough-and-tumble-Jasper!”

    • See, I sorta pictured Jasper to be a spry, lean, agile thing when I was reading Twilight, so I thought Jackson was well cast. He is most defs a small guy, though, but he is solid. Arms hard as rock. I unfortunately cannot attest to other body parts.

      Rosalie, on the other hand, the Coug was waaaaayyyy off on that casting call. Let’s hear it for nepotism!

      • I don’t think Nikki was SO bad… it was just the wardrobe department that majorly failed, and I think they could have kept her hair brown or made it a light brown/dark blonde instead of trying to peroxide or wig her.

    • I always pictured Jasper as a young Bruce Dern back in the day–wiry and mean as hell. Poor Mr. Rathbone just doesn’t project that image, but I wish him luck in his future endeavors, poor dear.

  15. Both you bitches are crazy! But I love your faces.

    PS Still Team #HotAlex all the way

  16. He’s hot, fo sho, Maybe he is just taking a little vacation from his beauty routine…..

    • Let’s hope he’s back in full effect for Eclipse

      • Yes! Bring back the poodle hair! Even that is an improvement from his current look!

        • Are you sure about that??

          lol

  17. I get a whoosh of, “he’s cute” but then I remember that he reminds me of “David” from “The Upside Down Show”…. and then it goes away.

    • OMG. Just looked up who that was– sorry, didn’t know the show– and BWAHAHAHA!

  18. I love this so much … and I side with lili, love him even of he does look like Willie Nelson as of late.

  19. He’s just a deep deep human being who wants us to love him for more than his luscious looks. That’s why he does it….We’re onto you Rathbone, you & your ‘I’m not just a piece of meat’ subliminal-look-sabotage, oh no, you don’t fool us.

    • LOVE your “handle,” eatmyjorts!!

  20. Jackson, hot? YES!! The smile, the dimples, the charm. Even when he looks like the dregs, he’s still hot. And charming. Check out the Glamour UK photos.

    and from personal files (taken by Cazza as I was standing by her side), this:

    http://images5a.snapfish.com/232323232%7Ffp63249%3Enu%3D32%3A8%3E%3A64%3E3%3A9%3EWSNRCG%3D33%3C%3B%3C6335932%3Bnu0mrj

    Love a boy who doesn’t take himself or life too seriously. Loooooove me some Jackson!

  21. I never found him remotely attractive the first two
    times I saw Twilight. Buuuut my friends did and somehow made me see the light. Or drink the Koolaid, whatevs. When he looks good he looks goooooooooooooooood. I mean the Couve pics with the beanie and white Raybans? *THUD*. I may or may not have them save on my laptop. Oh and that one of him in a hat and lifting hit arm so you can see the tatt on his stomach? HAWT! But, sadly, sometimes he just looks weird and ugly. Which I hate! I mean, he’s not living up to his full potential! And don’t get me started on his Southern twang … ZOMG *flail!*. It is second only to the English accent.

    • Haha – I’m a Southerner that should have been a Northerner and I can’t stand Southern accents, buuuut Jackson’s is a panty-dropper. There’s no explaining it, but there it is.

  22. Also, he is not a bear.

  23. I love me some weirdo, as long as they clean up nicely. I’m with Lili on this one.

  24. I love me some Jackson. Dirty Jackson is unfortunate, but I’m positive that all it takes is one of the smirks to melt away the self-induced ugly.
    Beams of pure light emanate from those dimples, surely. A lift of the eyelid, and I spontaneously combust whilst simultaneously melting.

    I am now looking forward to Eclipse with renewed vigor, simply for the Jackson-action.

  25. Team Jacksper FTW! Even when he looks bad he looks good. He’s THAT hawt. #robwho

  26. So, is it just me or does Jackson look EXACTLY like Johnny-Depp-As-Willy-Wonka in the first pic of the second letter???? Even down to the white glasses! Zomg!

    I love Jackson, I really do. I certainly wouldn’t object if he decided to bathe more (Hey Rob – same goes for you!), but as long as I know all that sexy is in there somewhere, I’m good.🙂

  27. Hey there… I can’t believe, after all this time, I’m actually gonna comment…

    Oh, what the Hell….

    I have been reading this (these, really) blogs since… well, WAY back. Since they both began… seriously. Yeah, THAT far back. I think that themoonisdown and UnintendedChoice (UC & Moon: yes, like many others I know that they are not only funny writers and Twi-bloggers, but also totally awesome at their craft, and silver-plated wordrsmiths) are really brilliant…. truly. Perfect, no (I’m not!). But no one is. As their Twi-hard readers will simply tell you, they are awesome, wintastic, and speak the Truth. In other words… NORMAL.

    So, enough gushing… here I am, a single guy, LOVING your blog, and all things Twi-related (although I don’t always agree with you on certain things, but that is totes OK, and although I feel the need to resist my TammyO) (Yes, I was an anonymous reader when SHE was around, lol,) semi-rage, I remember me… and I Am The Rob.

    I really feel a kinship with you, and alot of your readers… (yeah, that means that I *feel* I know of alot of the long-time commenters here….) (hey, it’s not MY fault… YOU’RE the ones on the Internet…. ) of the long-time gals who TOTALLY rock and are totally NORMAL.

    Love, TammyO.

    Just kidding, of course! Wow, it really does feel good to lift off this blanket…. I know this site is mostly women, but… please find it in your hearts to accept me… I really AM nice. And, I used to write a really popular blog on the official Star Wars site….🙂 *geek cred*

    I just… have been reading this blog, and totally loving and laughing and sharing in it for so long… It just ocurred to me, “Well, am I really gonna follow this thing, for more years, until Breaking Dawn, and not “tell them”?

    Well…. now you know. I’m FacePunch – A Unicorn (my screenname for now, until I find a better one, I suppose!)…

    And I love Twilight.

    UC & Moon… you are both amazing bloggers who have brought so much enjoyment to the life of my friends (they are NOT gonna believe this!) and mostly… honestly, myself. THANK YOU! 🙂

    • Oh.My.GOSH. NO WAY. A REAL Unicorn!? Who feels he KNOWS US? I heart you. HEART YOU. (expect an email from us soon!)

      • YAY! I can’t believe UC actually repied to me. (!). My life is now complete… (Isn’t the Internet weird?!).

        Thank you so much! (and yes, I’m a real unicorn, I’ve read all of the books. All ten-thousand pages, lol.)🙂

        • That should be *replied*, BTW.😦 (Freakin’ typos!)

          But honestly, I really appreciate your response… I know that you gals are busy, so thank you!🙂 It just… sort of felt weird, and strange in a way, to not comment here, when I’ve been reading these blogs for so long… I don’t really have anything brilliant to say (yet… I was really popular on the official Star Wars site… LOVED that SW-related entry, BTW!), but I hope that I can contribute as much as possible to this crazy, crazy fandom.

          You guys really have a great thing going here. I know you didn’t intend for this to happen this way, but it did. And I’m so glad.

          LUV you, LTT.🙂 (Yes, I know I’m being really corny… maybe that should be my new screen name… UNICORNY!)

          ;D

        • seriously. Moon & I have plans for you… we’re emailing in a bit!

  28. OMG…because I know both of these letter writers personally I can honestly say that they are awesome. Dare I say I have even slept in the same bed with one and eaten the cookies of the other. That aside, I value their opinion, and if they say there is still hope for Jackson I believe. I will be waiting here for Jackson when he steps out of the shower!

  29. I love Jackson, always have always will, he’s so sexy no matter what he wears or how his hair is. He is a sweet southern gentlemen with the perfect personality, he’d have my heart in a second…wait what I am saying…he already has my heart🙂

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