About a year ago, Jackson Rathbone looked REAL hot up there in The Couv. A year later….. wellllllll, Too_Far_Gone and TxLiLi have some different thoughts on what they’re thinking now, a year later. We think you’ll relate to one of them…. we do:
In the approximately 416 days I have been reading LTT (yeah, I counted, I’m that girl, and it’s an APPROXIMATION thankyouverymuch)… I have never once thought about writing you a letter. But I came across some old pictures of you on Lainey, and let me tell you… I was suddenly ready to clip a Team Jacksper button to my Suspenders o’Flair.
I’m sorry, what we were saying? I blacked out for a minute.
Oh yes… HOT DAMN. The jeans, the cowboy boots… Hey, I have cowboy boots too, maybe we should meet up and knock them together hang out sometime. The blazer! It’s a great look for you. And look at that swagger! You are sex on legs!
If these were the only pictures of you that I ever saw, I would have canceled my membership to the RPattz-Is-A-God-Among-Men Society in favor of a lifetime membership with Jackson-Please-Be-My-Babydaddy Association. *IF* these were the only pictures I ever saw. Unfortunately, I have seen you in the past year… and every time you’ve looked like this:
Jackson, why would you do this to me? What are you even THINKING? I’m speaking as your friend, because there is no chance I’ll be banging you while you resemble Mr. Smee from Captain Hook. I have fantasies, but none of them involve Wendy being ravaged by an overweight pirate. Seriously, even Rob looks like he showers more often than you do. People keep saying that you’re The Sex in person, but I’ve seen you TWICE this past year at 100 Monkeys shows, and I never once felt an inclination to launch myself across at you to lick your jaw from chin to ear say hello!
Please, what will it take to get back to your March 11, 2009 old self? Do I need to stage an intervention? Should I strip you of your clothes and hold you down under hot shower spray? Should I make sure to scrub every inch of your —- what?! I’m just trying to be helpful…
Jackson, I’m just saying, I know you have the potential to be the subject of my fantasies be a functioning member of society again. Can’t you help a girl out?
President of the Jackson-Please-Take-A-Shower-Then-Call-Me Coalition,
Lili gets real honest after the jump!
Let me preface this by saying that it’s all @Too_Far_Gone’s fault that I am coming clean today. I felt I had to go to bat for your honor, so to speak. Wait. Bat. You in the bat scene…..mmmmmm. One sec….I need a moment. Okay, I am done back. Now, where was I?
See, @TFG sent me an email last week with some pics of you in The Couve from last year. You were walking down the streets with Ashley some girl looking all sorts of hot in your beanie and white sunnies. Anyhoo—she sent me those pics asking if I had ever seen them and that you looked hot. Uh duh, I’ve had those saved on my lappie for months now welcome to my world! I’ve known of your hot-ness for ages now. Ever since you 1st walked into that Forks High cafeteria in that white Members Only jacket, I’ve been a TeamJacksper lost in a sea of TeamRobward-ers. But now, on the 1st year anniversary of those hot ass pics, I am ready to write my first ever letter to you.
I am not going to lie, I have thought long and hard (TWSS) about this letter. I have wanted to write it forevs but never knew how to put my feelings for you into words. I mean, how do you tell someone that you’ve never met that they give you tingles down there without sounding, I dunno, creepy?
But then I realized, I wouldn’t sound creepy at all because my love for you is completely, totally, 100% superficial. And when you think about it, you know it must be real because, let’s be honest here—have you seen some of the crazy pics of you out there on the interwebs? If I can love you looking like this:
then it must be a deep superficial love I have here.
Don’t get me wrong though, you are one hot mofo. I may or may not have this reoccurring dream where you come over and we spend the night smoking a bunch of pot cigarettes, watch The Devil and Daniel Johnston and then get into a heated argument on the validity of Daniel as an “artist”. To end the evening we hug it out on the couch. And by hug it out I mean we do a bunch of on top of the clothes stuff. FF style. The words dry and hump come to mind. Cause, you’re a 25 year old musician on the road. With no girlfriend — semi-regular booty calls from Ashley while on location in The Couve don’t count — so I don’t know where your ::ahem:: stuff has been. I can’t catch The Cooty, yanno? I am a lady after all. But I digress.
Back to the point. See, I’m totes the real deal because while I know (and love) when you look like this:
… I also completely love you when you look like this:
And even, gawd help me, this:
So, see? See what I am saying here? I will stick by your side, through the good looks times and all the crazy, horrendous, hilarious bad ones too.
Yours (at least while you look all hot and shizz) eternally,
Okay, I KNOW you’ve wondered wtfudgeeeee is up with Jackson these days. Are you still on board? Were you ever on board? Do you ever wonder what “board” people are talking about when they use that phrase?