*In honor of our dear UC who loves to call me and say “They’re Not Bears!” I bring you this lovely letter from the even lovelier Bella (and Alice) from Not and Addikt*
You know, I gotta hand it to Edward: you’re a lot more observant than all of us initially gave you credit for. You immediately noticed the Cullens, you worked out all on your own that men get crabby when they’re hungry, and in the blink of an eye, you noticed those big wolves in New Moon are NOT bears. Whew, I’m glad you pointed that one out, because frankly, I was still puzzled and confused until you put me in the know. Then again, no wonder you’re such an expert, what with all the wildlife problems Forks has been having. Animal attacks, giant bears, local kids that explode into giant wolves and the likes. Anywho, it got me wondering what a movie night with you would be like. Are you one of those annoying people who figure out the plot after 5 minutes and can’t help but release my poor soul from its ignorance? Do you keep on slurping through your straw even though that coke has been emptied hours ago? Do you finish your snacks after 15 minutes and then eye mine like a PMSing vulture? Do you repeat that one semi-funny movie quote for days to come, like I do to annoy my bloggy pal Alice? Only one way to find out. Pull on your favourite pair of holey sweatpants, send Eddie hunting for a night, and browse my dvd collection for something you like. How about we make this a little marathon movie night? Allright, here we go.
Oh, so you’re into sci-fi trilogies, are you? So am I. Then again, Star Wars IS a classic.
Spot on again Bella, they are indeed NOT bears. We know they’re neither Ork nor Troll. So it makes total sense for you to inform us they’re also not bears, about as much sense as the fact that you are sharing a frame with a band of feisty Uruk Hais in Middle Earth.
Follow the cut to see what else is NOT a bear according to Bella
Indeed, not bears, but cutesy cutesy Velociraptors! They have a huge claw on each foot that could rip your bowels or other organs, say, your uterus, out in mere seconds. Ring a bell? Did you know I used to think I was the reincarnation of a Velociraptor because of my big toes? Anyway, that’s a different story. Moving on to the next trilogy… Oh wait! This one is by our favorite director, C-Dub! You know, that tall man in the yellow pants that taught you how to deliver “They’re NOT bears!” without stuttering or blinking? That’s the one.
errr… No, Bella, that would be a polar bear. Sorry, honey. I’m so telling Edward. He’ll love this.
Which one do you mean, dear? The one on the right or the one on the left? You’re right about the first one, but did any zoölogist confirm that the Beast is indeed not a bear? Hey, maybe you can google it!
Why no, Bella, they are not bears… and quite frankly, just because they are vertically challenged little men, doesn’t give you the right to compare them to animals. Now go say you’re sorry.
They aren’t? The color must have gotten me all confused. So I hear they are blue aliens. Okay, technically, the one in the front is a remote controlled body constructed from native genes mixed with human genes, but those are details, so forget that.
Okay Bella… this has been… fun. Maybe next time I get to pick the movies. But perhaps it would be wise to skip Disney movies and sci-fi in general, so as not to confuse you again. I know, you never paid a lot of attention in biology, so it’s quite a feat for you to distinguish bears from all the rest. But really, I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t pay much attention in biology either if Edward were sitting next to me.
Love and a pair of 3D glasses,
What else is not a bear? Did you know that my computer things velociraptor is spelled wrong? Did you watch Rob on Jimmy Fallon last night, were you JEALOUS of UC?! I WAS!!!
Filed under: Bella, Fan Letters, New Moon movie, Twilight Tagged: | 3d, Avatar, bears, Beauty and the Beast, Bella, Bella and Alice, bella swan, Edward, Ewoks, lord of the rings, movie, New Moon, Not an Addikt, Orks, Snow White, Star Wars, They're Not Bears, Wolfpack, Wolves