Protecting the Twilight public from the NMM game

Hours of fun... sorta

With Valentine’s Day coming up and our loved ones sure to send us some Twi-related crap we didn’t ask for, here is a public service announcement regarding the New Moon Movie game:

Dear UC & Moon,

I am because I have a major public service announcement to put out to the world of the Twilight fan. You see, I recently acquired a copy of the New Moon board game. (Well, if you consider stealing it from a 12 year old girl at a white elephant party “acquiring” then that’s how I received it.) But that is totally beside the point. Anyway, I thought that I would put said game to good use. So I rounded up a few of my friends, (3 of us were in our thirties, and the 4 other guests were from our arsenal of babysitters so they just so happened to be real life teenagers.) Yes, quite the motley crew of New Moon game players. I had my Edward posters proudly displayed, the New Moon soundtrack playing in the background, the board game set up with all the pretty cards and Cullen crest game pieces. We were set to play. And then the reality of the game hit us in the face. This game is hard!! (That’s what she said) It is confusing and well- just dang confusing. So, I guess my letter is turning into a letter to the people who make the New Moon board game. What the what?!? I don’t think they even tried to play their own game before the head honcho put the stamp of approval on that bad boy. It is a hot mess!

So, I am giving the “New Rules” to the board game. I know many of your readers have asked for this game from their loved ones as a Valentine’s gift. They are going to be so excited to play it and then they are going to run into the same problem that my friends and babysitters J did when they sit down to play. So, out of love for my fellow fans, here goes.

Goal: To win this beauiful Cullen Crest... or something

New rule #1 – do not use the “Story cards”. I have no idea what they are for. Honestly. So, if you should draw that card, just put it aside and throw them away later. Or, you can keep them just to look at the pretty little pictures.

New rule #2 – Only read the red dagger trivia questions. You heard me. As you are cruising around the pretty game board with your little Cullen crest game piece, just ignore the white dagger “challenges”. They are so lame and have nothing to do with New Moon. It slows the game way down and it’s just plain stupid to be honest. You know you are just playing this game to show off your knowledge of New Moon. So make it fun by just asking the red dagger trivia questions. You will thank me for this.

New rule #3 – The point of this game is to acquire 8 scene cards from the movie. Okay. The game makers have thrown in an extra challenge, get the Bella and Edward cards. Alright. However, I could not find in the directions how to get these cards. So here is our improvised rule: The teenagers in the group said we should make up a song about the movie in order to earn your card. Since, I don’t sing, I put the nix on that pretty fast. I suggested that you have to write a “Haiku” in order to earn your card. This is where the game got hilariously fun! Remember Haikus? 3-5-3 or 5-7-5. We are dealing with syllables here people. Anyway. Get creative. We laughed our heads off. Here are some examples of what was written. These cards were earned!!

Edward’s my boyfriend
Messy hair, crooked smile
Total perfection

Paul oh Paul
Hot little werewolf
Where’s your shirt?

Mike Newton
Take a hint, loser.
You are fail.

Oh, Felix
Breaking Edward’s face
I’m crying.

You get the point! It was good times. I have no idea why the makers of this game didn’t think of the Haiku part all by themselves!

So girls, let’s get the word out to the excited fans on Valentine’s Day. Let them know that just because they received the most confusing game in the world the fun doesn’t have to stop. Just use these revised rules and the New Moon joy can continue to flow.

Protecting & Serving the Twilight public,
Koni

I thought it was ironic that Koni mention Haikus the day after I wrote Moon a brilliant one for Valentine’s Day. How about today we share Haiku’s in the comments!? Oh, and have you played the NMM game? Does it suck like she says?

Make sure to check back tomorrow to see who are Valentine’s Day Contest winners are! Thanks to ALL who participated!!!

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