Dear David Slade,
One image and no trailer and we’re 4 months away from the premiere for Eclipse? Why? What is up over there at David Slade Headquarters, Inc.? Seriously… something’s wrong, isn’t it? At this point before New Moon we already had: Oodles of images, 1 mini trailer for MTV Video Music Awards, 2 clips from ComicCon, and if my math is correct the first trailer that played before Band Slam, and maybe a couple little interviews. So much so, I had to declare born again virginity and put on my New Moon chastity belt. So far the belt’s laying in a corner gathering dust and I’m begging on the streets (of Twitter) like a h00r. What gives?
Now that I’ve said that, let me first start off by saying I have to say THANK YOU for not bombarding up with clips, and interviews and crap like we got with New Moon. Which was SO overkill. But I also have to say a LITTLE something would be much appreciated. I know us bloggers are dying for anything to post. ANYTHING. And not that snoozeville of a picture you guys released of Edward and Bella in the meadow. YAWN. I could have taken that myself with a cardboard cut out of Edward/Rob and me in a Bella wig in the weeds at Griffith Park. Nice try though.
Why don’t you give us a 30 second super teaser trailer! The the box block of all mini trailers! Make us WANT IT even more (that’s what she said). Make Twitter explode from all the speculation. Trust me, it will be SO worth it to see those tweets instead of the ones that Twihards tweet you on a daily basis begging for some Bella/Edward/Jacob threesome action.
Since we haven’t seen anything new from Eclipse I can only assume the following…
01. There was a horrible error at the film processing plant thus completely erasing all the footage you shot and you’re currently having to go back and reshoot the entire movie using the mini Edward/Bella/Jacob dolls from Hot Topic along with a couple GI Joes for the Volturi, a Ken doll for Carlilse, a slutty Bratz Doll for Victoria and a Teddy Ruxpin as the wolfpack a la “Be Kind Rewind” since there is ZERO budget left to buy more glitter, white pancake makeup and jorts.
Follow the cut for the rest of my speculations on why there have been ZERO Eclipse exclusives
02. You listened to everyones pleas for the inclusion of the hallowed “LegHitch” moment in Eclipse the book that you ended up with a 3 hour movie of nothing but a 4 second leghitch looped a billion times. And for some reason Summit wasn’t really into that. Something about “not being an actual movie.” Hmph.
03. During filming the country of Canada ran low on Jorts and so you’re now having to go back and create CGI jorts on all the Wolfpack since full frontal nudity is against the standards of a PG13 movie. Damn.
04. Even your dog isn’t convinced by Bella’s wig
05. While editing Eclipse you noticed how tall Robert was and maybe got a little jealous. So now you’re taking it all out on us by not releasing ANY clips especially ones with Rob it in. You’ve also gone back and recast Edward without telling anyone. Surprise is on us though, cause YOU are now Edward.
My guess? You’re all gonna cock block us till March 12th when Remember Me comes out and you’ll be sneaky biotches and throw the trailer in there! PLEASE say my guess it true. Cause that would kind of rule. A. LOT.
Till then I’ll be singin’ some Bonnie Tyler waiting for my…
Total eclipse of the heart!
So whats the hold up? Do you have a theory? Is it the wig? Are David and Summit the biggest box blockers in the world?
Filed under: David Slade, Eclipse, movie, Speculation, Twilight Tagged: | Be Kind Rewind, Bella, David Slade, Eclipse, Edward, error, exclusive, footage, images, Jacob, Jorts, meadow, pictures, problem, reshoot, summit, summit entertainment, trailer, Twilight, Wolfpack