Taylor goes to the Golden Globes and becomes Olive Garden’s Spokesperson

Dear Taylor-

Like a good girl I had nothing better to do I tuned in, last night, to the Golden Globes with my homegirls HisOne&Only and NoPaperKG to see celebs get plastered and accept an award named after Selma Hayek’s lady friends. And in the process totally remembered that one of the Holy Trinity was going to be presenting! That meant red carpet time complete with awkward interviews and presenting time. What would you wear? What would you say? Would Ryan Seacrest ask you in-depth questions about his abdominal routine?

This is how it went down in my head

Taylor arrives to the rainy red carpet of the Golden Globes…

Don’t worry ladies this pleather suit’s been pretreated to resist water stains. Your couches, on the other hand, have not.

What up now, Taylor Swift? You having just friendly feelings towards THIS?! Yup, that’s what I thought…

Seriously?! FOR REALS?! Besides the fact that Taylor obviously reads LTT and obviously has great taste in economically-priced-mall-adjacent Italian restaurants,  if some bozo at the Olive Garden HQ hasn’t offered Taylor free Soup, Salad and Breadsticks for life if he’ll be their Spokeswhore, someone’s crazy! I’m sure Big Daddy has already pitched this cross promotional idea to both Olive Garden and Summit but Olive Garden had to reject it since they’d end up losing money and probably make iceberg lettuce extinct for offering that kind of deal to Big Daddy.

YEAAAAA Bro, get it dawg! My man Joseph Gordan Levitt is trying to back that azzzz up with Precious!

Uuuuggghhh SO full from Olive Garden. I shouldn’t have let Big Daddy convince me to go there pre-Golden Globes just to show them how much manicotti their new Spokeswhore can eat.

Follow the cut to see the rest of Taylor at the Golden Globes…

To: Joseph Gordan Levitt, thanks for being my biggest fan! Love, DirTAY

Then it was finally time for Taylor to introduce 500 Days of Summer…

It’s quite obvious that Joseph Gordan Levitt is SOOO Team Jacob and SOOOO excited to be alive and be at the Golden Globes and be living life. Either he is the happiest drunk alive or he just loves hotel catering food cause any time they cut to Jo-Go he was clapping more than a seal during the Sea Lions LIVE show at Sea World. They really should have given him the “Just Happy To Be Here” award.

Then it was finally time to head out…

Hello, Olive Garden? Yea, I’d like to order a “Tour of Italy” plus Soup, Salad and Breadsticks and one pan of lasagna for pick up. Uh… my name’s Robert Pattinson… yes, R-o-b-e-r-t P-a-t-t-i-n-s-o-n. No, this is not Taylor Lautner… I’m just using his phone to place the order. 20 minutes? Thanks.

Feast your eyes upon the A list of her generation

So as you can see the Golden Globes were a real barn burner. Anna Kendrick looked fabulous in Marchesa (I know, right?!) and if I could I would have given her the “My New BFF” award but I don’t have any more bail money till Taylor turns 18 in 24 days. So I hope she met up with one of those dudes from True Blood and drowned her loser sorrows in a little G&T while looking over their shoulders for Joseph Gordan Levitt. There’s always next year, kids… and there’s ALWAYS Olive Garden.

I may or may not be craving Olive Garden right now,

Sooo what’d ya think? Did you tune in to the globes? Did you make a drinking game out of how many times the camera guy couldn’t find the right person and just randomly and jerkily scanned the crowd? Were you sad Zach Galifinakis wasn’t there to help accept the award for Hang Over? Did you ever figure out what fabric Taylor’s shiny suit was made from?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Thanks to EclipseMovie.org and Taylor Lautner Source.com for images and video. Big thanks to our followers @VictoriaBsB @Krystle_eWe @ILW_injail and @chelseaheptig for helping locate the Taylor Olive Garden video.

139 Responses

  1. All I know is that Taylor keeps finding ways to win me over with his sense of humor. Anyone willing to talk about the Olive Garden on E! is a winner in my book.

  2. I didn’t get to see it. Sadface.
    Twas live here on cable but bro wouldn’t let me watch.
    Plus for some reason free-to-air didn’t show it at night.
    Cos the suck.
    Either that or they did and I was reading the guide for the wrong day . . .
    Did, obvi, scope out the fashions though and follow it through Twitter.
    Anna look gooooorgeous!

    • those clips are all you needed to see. trust me. it was bad. we kept yelling KEYBOARD CAT to play off the bores as they accepted their awards

  3. All those award shows are always aired in the middle of the night here, and I am not yet the proud owner of a digital recorder… so I just have to make do with internet reports. Anna’s dress is gorgeous though! Can’t wait to see Up in the Air.

  4. Where was Fat Jesus?

    I missed him.

    And then Glee won! YAY! (Yes. I’m 12.)

    PS. I did see little Taytortot do his presentation thing. Go Tay!

    • I thought of you, IWL, and Griffs when I saw Glee won!

      • I liked Sandra Bullocks acceptance speech, even though I’ve seen nothing she’s done in years, but GLEE winning was the highlight of the night and Tay was adorable as always.

        • Her speach got me – espec when she was thanking her DH at the end.

          Robert Downey Jnr’s speach was awesomesauce.

          Ang Gervais so owns me. I ❤ him big time.

      • Yah! I love love Glee!!!!

        I was just sad TrueBlood didnt win anything 😦 Oh well, not everyone loves the things I love!

    • Your ‘taytortot’ comment reminded me of this interview, which I love so much.

      • Thanks!

        I’ll watch it when I get home. I’m at school and don’t need THAT sort of reputation. 😉

        What would I do without Illegal, Chim & the rest of you Tay pushers? I would miss everything. 🙂

  5. I watched! I thought Anna looked fantastic. And I think it’s time for Taylor to ditch the shiny suits.

    I still want to smooch Ricky Gervais.

    Not all of us who are fat are constant compulsive eaters… Just sayin’…

  6. I’ll admit, I watched. As cute as he is, I’m so not a fan of Taylor’s shiny suits. And he wears them ALL the time!

    Anna looked incredible though. She’s gonna go so far. Eat your heart out, Kristen.

  7. “Joseph Gordan Levitt is SOOO Team Jacob and SOOOO excited to be alive and be at the Golden Globes and be living life… he was clapping more than a seal during the Sea Lions LIVE show at Sea World. They really should have given him the “Just Happy To Be Here” award.”

    This is why I love LTT.

  8. I watched… kind of. I get fed up with all the asinine questions that entertainment reporters ask celebrities on the red carpet, but I thought Taylor handled himself well, with both E! and NBC. (Note to Rob, because he totally reads this: I, like you, suffer from the affliction of having no filter between my brain and my mouth. We should both learn from Taylor and pause after stupid questions. Luckily for me, it’s only my students who think I’m crazy.)

    On another note, I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I have since 3rd Rock and 10 Things. Have you seen him in Manic? Amazing. That said, I’m pretty sure he’s not Team Jacob, or at least he hadn’t thought about it seriously until last night. I think he was just drunk… which only makes me love him more.

    • Drunk, or someone told him a really funny side comment RIGHT when the camera cut to him. Le sigh.

      I hate the asinine questions as well. I’m not sure I could ever work as a host for E! Or, if I did, I’d get fired for straying from the asinine.

      ps-tuesday, posted some 5 photos for you and mountainlion in my long comment!

      • I was so 2nd embarrassed for all the celebs having to deal with those lame-ass red carpet questions.

        Can’t wait to see the photos, TS… Thanks!!!

    • “(Note to Rob. . . I, like you suffer from the affliction of having no filter between my brain and my mouth. We should both learn from Taylor and pause after stupid questions.)”

      Nooooooo! This is what attracted me to Rob in the first place. I love that he has no filter and is awkward and sometimes innappropriate.

      Media training = boring

      At least for me it does. We still wouldn’t be talking about Rob’s MTV movie awards appearance if he hadn’t been terribly awkward.

      I think Summit should be counting their lucky stars that they have Taylor as a spokesperson. You couldn’t ask for a more mature and poised 17 year old kid.

      But I wouldn’t want Rob to be that way, too. It wouldn’t be nearly as fun!

  9. Im watching right now on my DVR! (Mr. Griffs did NOT want to watch last night and made a big stink out of it so I taped it). Actually its kind of nice because I can fast foward through the commercials and the speeches I dont want to see 🙂

    Will be back to read the comments later once I’ve watched it! Did see Anna though and she looks sooooo lovely!!!!

  10. “Your couches, on the other hand, have not”
    I love you, Moon ❤

  11. Nope not really… Golden Globes a golden globe of what? may I ask. Did the Cowboys win? How about the Super Chargers? http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

  12. Considering everyone from Meryl to Mel was three sheets out last night, I find it even more egregious that there was no Rob. I think that DrunkRob is eclipsed only by DrunkandForcedtoInteractwithAlistersRob … and we were denied the entertainment.

    Taylor’s obviously skipped being spokesperson for Olive Garden and went straight to promoting Scotch Guard. Subliminally, of course.

  13. Dear BFF,
    You. were. beyond. awesome.
    That is all.

    P.s. You wore black and officially added Tux porn to my list. Now I REALLY know that you read my comments and want to be my fwend. : )

    Morning Everybody!
    The hamster LOVES the first pic!

  14. Great…now I’m starving for Seafood Alfredo (minus the scallions) with bread sticks and chocolate carmel gelato.

  15. I found the show to be surprisingly entertaining and thought Anna looked beautiful. I’m looking forward to seeing what else she does with her career! And Taylor…oh, Taylor. I don’t know what to say because my mind was blown away by you on screen last night and is not functioning properly this morning. To quote IWL, “That is all.”

    • I was kind of amazed that they let Ricky Gervais make some of the jokes he did–Hollywood tends to be kind of stodgy that way–but that made it very very entertaining indeed!

      • I like a drink as much as the next man….unless that man is Mel Gibson FTW!!!

        There were a few times where RG’s comments made me gasp and pause like I was waiting for the Censorship Brigade to come out and take him away. But he was so good nonetheless.

        • He made enough digs on himself to even it out. Plus everyone was drunk, so no one cared.

          Did you see my comment shout out to you? 😉

      • a open bar goes a long way with stodginess

  16. Dear Taylor,
    you know that I love your Jacob and I’m Team Jacob all the way and that I think you are THE star of New Moon, but in RL I don’t like you anymore. I know your answers shut Ryan Seacrest’s mouth, but you were so adult, so self aware, so media trained.
    We’ll always have the wolfkid and your portrayal of Marianne in SNL, but I’m no longer counting the days untill you’re legal.
    Love, Liking-the-humble-guys-only-me

  17. First of all, Moon, this was spot on hilarious. I laughed out loud in the normal coffee-spitting-wish-we-had-webcams-except-then-we’d-all-pee-in-our-pants-and-not-just-absolutelyvlc style. (<3 you, abs!)

    Second, this is my first time seeing the Tay in a tux, and I am loving it.

    Third, so glad Anna rocked those vintage style drop earings with her gorgeous gown. All around perfection on that gal.

    Fourth, Joseph Gordon Leavitt=love of my life in that he’s so adorable kind of way. He was so fabulous in 500 Days of Summer, which was definitely my fave feel-good film of 2009.

    Fifth, can we please discuss Jennifer Ainston’s dress slit and how happy we are that now when we go grocery shopping we’ll get to see some Gerard Butler porn on the cover of every gossip mag instead of the usual Angela/Brad/Jen pics.

    Sixth, how did I miss that Amy Adams was preggers?

    Seventh, I love OG’s tiramisu, and this little bloggy blog is not helping me curb the cravings. I don’t have the money for those splurges, girls. Cut it out! ::makes cut it out scissors hand motion::

    Eighth, did you hear that, IWL? He basically said that you are his ideal girl.

    Ninth, and with much love, @mountainlion and @tuesdaymidnight: Billy, another BB, Charlie pre-race (yeah, he’s a runner), Charlie doing Nike the right way, and this last one is just for me, but feel free to enjoy it as well (don’t look Xylem!), swoon.

    Morning! Empathy towards all at work today 🙂 (it’s a US holiday, Martin Luther King Day, for those not in the US)


    • 10th, I am so loving that the Hangover won for best comedy! That movie was comedy perfection and I was laughing even when they showed the clips when they announced the nominees!

    • TS, Thanks so much for the Charlie pics. He’s so effing adorable.

      BTW, I also loved, loved, loved 500 Days of Summer.

      • aw, you’re welcome! Don’t you usually gravitate towards the BB pics?

        When you say “loved loved loved” are you thinking of it in Mr. Darcy’s Matthew Macfayden’s voice? Because I always am. I love to say that line, “you have bewitched me body and soul, and I love, love, love you.” Le sigh.

    • Awwww…Ts…*hugs* but that was the vaguest description of his ideal girl…ever! I have so many names and alter-egos right now, I dont even know who I am anymore…so if he’s trying to send me a message, I think he should be more specific and say something like
      “I know this sounds really cheesy but I want a girl whose mentally stable, doesnt think she’s a hamster panda princess monkey, thinks she’s gonna be BFFs with me and talks about it everyday in the comments section of LTT and is awesome at Guitar Hero”
      That should stop me wanting our BFF-dom…or will it? dun dun dunnnnn

    • dude im pretty sure i saw jenn anistons vajayjay from the slit in that dress. DAYUM.

  18. Taylor looked great in spite of shiny suit! He sure does handle interviews well! Kid is going places!

  19. Julia Roberts was also VERY happy.

    I seriously think an hour was added to the show in the time it took for each winner to find their way through the maze of tables and chairs to get on stage. And in those dresses! Redunkulous.

  20. I watched…it was nothing special. Ricky Gervais is out of control. Love it. ❤

    I also love Taylor and am literally counting the days until that hunky piece of meat turns 18.

    xo Ash

  21. Taylor, I think your adorable, truly I do…with that said along with an advance apology to ILWL 😉 and all other Taylor/Jacob fans..I say enough already…I am on Taylor overload….I so thought today’s post would be more about Anna who was actually nominated for a great performance and.not Taylor who was just a presenter wearing the (same) different shiny suit which may or may not have gotten that way from too much wear and too much starch… saying all the right things at all the right times again …kinda boring…sorry!

  22. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight and Dazzle Me Vampire, Twilight Forever. Twilight Forever said: Taylor goes to the Golden Globes and becomes Olive Garden’s Spokesperson: Dear Taylor- Like a good girl I had noth… http://bit.ly/6cOSwB […]

  23. Ahem. *Steps onto soapbox*

    It is known that I am NOT Taylor Lautner’s biggest fan. I don’t think I’m anyones biggest fan… I get annoyed too easily.

    With that being said, I don’t understand why him saying the RIGHT things annoys people so much. Do we want him snorting coke in the restroom? Grabbing all the cougars boobs on the red carpet? Telling the reporters to “Fuck off”?

    I don’t (even though it may be entertaining). He’s seventeen. And while I’m completely certain that he isn’t perfect, he tries to be respectable. I only wish that the rest of Hollywood… or even, the world would act in the same way.

    Happy Martin Luther King day! General Larry Platt did not march with Dr. King so that we could all be walking around with our cap on sideways and our pants on the ground.

    Wear a belt.

    *steps off soapbox*

    *brushes dirt off of shoulder*


    • Fang, you look great up there on that soap box. I agree. With everything you said.

      Pants on the ground! Pants on the ground!

      • Thanks.

        I think I’m always on the soapbox… I can’t help it.

        PS. I didn’t comment on your Rob letter today but I loved it! So hilarious! 🙂

      • @Fang..I think you misunderstood my comment or I said it wrong which is common for me :)….when I said boring…I wasn’t referring to Taylor’s comments at all….I’m pretty sure that I have been really outspoken about how strongly I feel about young hollywood and how really upsets me to see what happens to alot of those kids and I am thrilled when ever I see a “Taylor” out there also I would think you would know me better than that by now, to assume I meant anything different.
        All I was trying to say (which may sound worse) is that I am just bored of all the Taylor coverage lately….

        • I wasn’t referring to you, Cyn!

          I ❤ you and know what you meant.

          It's cool. Hugs. 🙂

          • Hugs back Fang..(the truth is I just miss Buttcrack Santa) shhh!!

          • We all miss Buttcrack Santa ;-(

          • @MidCyn, Seriously! Be loud and proud about it, baby. As Abs says, we all miss him.

            @Griffs, I still got that little bottle of vodka from you buttcrack santa! I’m saving it for that certain special moment (aka Eclipse or one night when I really need it.)

            Wait, I’ll be in South Africa for Eclipse…if it fits inside the proper sized ziptop bag, can I bring my little bottle on the plane?

          • @TeamSeth – as long as it’s under 3 ounces. but i’m pretty sure you can get booze in s.a. too. duty free!

          • @TeamSeth..your right..loud and proud that I miss BS…or is it that I miss the lil bottles he was handing out at Xmas?? Hmm gonna have give this serious consideration… 🙂

    • I agree, Fang. I like that Taylor puts the effort to keep his RL and his work life separate. Especially since he’s still a minor.

      I hope to God that he doesn’t pull a Lohan next month. All respect I have for him will disappear immediately and never, ever come back. I don’t care if he goes on to win a million Oscars, if he’s goes the Lohan fall-off-the-rocker route, too little too late.

      :: steps off soapbox and goes for a brisk weathered stroll in Hyde Park wishing she had a chocolate lab to take on walks ::

      • I think that the wholesome Midwest values he grew up with will keep him sane as he comes of age in Hollywood.

        *insert any of a number of jokes wherein “values” is euphemized for something that wouldn’t be appropriate until February.*

        • Okay so it’s a bad idea to post while distracted at work. That came out all wrong. I doubt he had dirty values when he was a kid growing up in the midwest. *sigh*. Major comment #fail today.

          • I couldn’t think of any dirty jokes. I guess I just don’t think of Tay that way (I know, right?). So, your comment’s safe with me.

    • I definitely agree re: Taylor. He is the embodiment of a professional in Hollywood, despite his young age. Many in Hollyweird who are twice his age would be wise to follow his example. So that makes him not as juicy of fodder for the blogging world, but on the other hand it would be a relief if more in Hollywood were like him. (See: Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tiger Woods, even Conan, though I love you Conan, etc.)

    • Actually I really would, just once, like to see Taylor do one of those ‘accidental’ stumbling boob-grabs like Billy Madison.

      C’mon, Taylor! I double dare you. Go for Mariah just to make it easier.

  24. Mamma mia!!! He looks soooooooooooo adorable… Awwwwwwwww…
    The suit looks great on him and that bow tie -even though I don’t like them in general- looks really good on him…
    I was awake because of that all night yesterday. And therefore almost felt asleep in my test… Damn it was worth it…
    and I have to say: he deals with this kind of stuff a lot better than Rob. He is so professional and the fact that he attends every damn award show kind of makes me think he really enjoys his fame…

    Love you Tay (if Chris Hansen is around: in a non-sexual-kinda-way of course)

  25. i love that Tay clearly reads LTT. Why didn’t he mention Big Daddy? I have a frown smile

    • for realz. without big daddy taylor would have NO idea about the free pasta refills on the all you can eat pasta.

  26. Omg…just watched the video. I love his sense of humour. He’s a sarky lil’ thing. I just wanna hug him. Just like I wanted to hug JGL…He was so excited, he reminded me of ME…I’d totally be a happy seal if I was nominated…like OTT happy..lol

    On the topic of Tay, I have to agree with my twinsie…so to all you Rob lovers (myself included) there’s a reason why Tay is so poised and eloquent (pronounce dirty to me baby) It’s cause he’s not Rob…and therefore we appreciate Rob for being different and a different kind of entertaining.

    I feel bad for him. When he’s polite and not TMI everyone says “omg he’s too media-savvy” and the day he starts spouting word vomit everyone will say “oh look he’s trying to be Rob” I mean the guy cant seem to win either way.

    Being nice and polite and avoiding awkward questions doesnt ALWAYS mean that you’ve taken a class…Its called being a decent, well-raised person. There are lots of celebs who are known for being nice so I wonder why Tay is such a phenomenon. If I was a celeb (when pigs fly and I’m taken to Olive Garden) I would respond exactly the same way. Granted, no one will understand my hodge-podge accent but I will be polite and definietly a little hyperactive (but only cause I spot Tay and he smiles at me from across the red carpet…then signals that I have something in my teeth…and ink smudges on my nose)

    *waves from soap box at twinsie and does a little jig to make her laugh*

  27. In celebration of MLK day….ahem…clears throat….steps up to the podium…I give you this:

    Let us not wallow in the valley of not knowing if Breaking Dawn will be made into 2 films or not, I say to you today, my friends.

    And so even though we face the difficulties of not knowing if we will be blessed with Eclipse leg hitches, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the fandom dream.

    I have a dream that one day Stephenie Meyer will allow sex in her film: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all fan fic proves.

    I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Hollywood, the sons of former paparazzis and the sons of former tabloids
    will be able to sit down and leave Robert and Kristen alone so that they may walk freely hand in hand.

    I have a dream that one day even the states of nonsten, robsten and idon’tgiveafucksten, states sweltering with proof, sweltering with no proof, will be transformed into an oasis of unity and bliss-sten.

    I have a dream Rob and Kristen will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by their mullets or their flippy hands but by the content of their character.

    I have a dream today!

    I have a dream that one day, down in dumpsters, with the words of “that’s normal” and “poof”, fans will be will be able to join hands in hobo love.

    I have a dream today!

    I have a dream that one day every red carpet shall be exalted, and every stunt wire on set be made low, the scripts be written with brillance, directors will have grace, and the sparkelpeen shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

    This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to Forks with.

    With this faith, we will be able to spare Melissa Rosenberg her life. With this faith, we will never have to worry about Cougar Cathy being annoying. With this faith, we will be able to attend premieres together, to microwave carrots together, to share hoodies together, to go to dumpsters together, to stand up for plaid together, knowing that we will one day meet Rob.

  28. Either he is the happiest drunk alive or he just loves hotel catering food cause any time they cut to Jo-Go he was clapping more than a seal during the Sea Lions LIVE show at Sea World

    Hahaha, WORD!
    *currently clapping for Moon and all her awesomeness like a seal at Sea World*

  29. Nooooooooooooo! Cannot see first video! Going to look in other places!

  30. This post made my freakin day. I work at Olive Garden and Taylor and Big Daddy can come to my work anytime. I would give him a free celebration cake for his birthday even though he can afford one. Can he plz be our new spokesperson and be in the commercials with no shirt and a tour of italy on those abs (after february 11th)? Hayyyy.

  31. Thanks for all the Taylor love Moon, you make my cup of hapiness overflow.

    However – don’t understand everyone hating the shiny suits. They’re great, perfect for resisting all those pasta sauce stains. I bet they just slide right off. I mean, noone wants another greasey stained tee/tux episode.

    • Then again, maybe they’re the reason all his female ‘just friends’ keep slipping away.

    • LOL SJ. Maybe Rob should borrow one of his shiny suits and he wouldn’t have all those hot pocket stains on his pants. That broccoli and cheese hot pocket is stain danger.

  32. I’m so freaking sad… The Olive Garden video has been taken down. 😦

  33. Oh My God!!!!! i feel like a famous person now!!!! i was name in 1 of LTT letters (yup i know) i can start giving autographs (and charging for them) now!!!!!!! get in line ppl!!!! xD
    i know i was just mention on the botton of the post and alone with another ppl (who copy and paste the link i send) but whatever i was mention on a Letter in LTT im Famous now!!!!!! xDD

    p.d.: your welcome girls u r awesome!!!!

  34. Awww, I wanted to wait to watch the Olive Garden video at home and now it’s gone… Sad Panda

  35. I just had to say it:i really don’t like Kendrick’s dress. Tina Fey and her were most disappointing in the dress department. (well, Tina is just awesome through and through so..who cares; )
    uf, Taytay is cool, although he’s not Rob. or maybe even because of it.
    He gives us hope that a guy who isn’t Rob still can be cute and charming and make us happy. 😉 i see where team Jacob girls come from. 😉

  36. So, I’m totally lost on this whole Olive Garden thing and the video says it’s been removed by the user – could someone please explain? Or share a link? I’m dying to know! Lol!

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