A healthy debate: Kristen Stewart’s Acting

Throughout this letter I’m going to use something called sarcasm. Unfamiliar? Read this. Many people hate Kristen Stewart because they are sadface that she is (apparently) with Robert Pattinson. I am one of them. I cannot judge Kristen Stewart fairly without thinking of her with Robert Pattinson. She does a commercial for cat litter and surrounds herself with 18 little white kittens? I hate it because all I can think about is how she gets to do Rob Pattinson after she gets to play with all those adorable kittens. In Adventureland she does a sex scene with a douche-bag married to a Woody Allen darling? She is an automatic awful fake movie sexer because she’s having the real sex with Rob Pattinson. Remember, Read this if you have any questions.

Dear Twilosophy Debate Class 101,

Today we’re going to have a healthy debate. Any questions?

Why are you opening THIS can of worms when we have had peace on LTT for awhile and Robsteners/Nonsteners/Swiftners/Non-Swiftnerers (Wait a second- WHO could be a Non-Swiftnerer? Seriously? Have you seen these two? So freakin’ adorable) have been getting along?

Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic and when I think of stuff I like to share it with the LTT community. Also KStew411 tweeted this amazing video and I really needed a reason to post it

The beginning

Kristen and I had a rocky beginning. First of all she kissed Adam Brody in In the Land of Women, and that’s when I knew I would hate her for eternity. Plus that movie sucked and that pains me to say because I heart Adam Brody something fierce. I remember being very underwhelmed by all the performances in that movie, not just Kristen’s.  I’ll have to break it out again to decide for sure what I think of her specifically, but I’d rather die than do that. So let’s just leave it at that.

KristenAdamBrody

Bitch! Seriously, I'll facepunch you so hard....

And then came Twilight. I walked away consumed with the desire to FACE PUNCH her except I didn’t know it was that desire since FACE PUNCH doesn’t get referenced until New Moon. “SHE gets to DO Rob Pattinson!?” I thought. (Except I didn’t think that since I didn’t think they were DOING it then since I was underwhelmed by their on-screen chemistry and knew nothing of the off screen rumors.) I was confused. I thought her casting was SPOT ON for the character of Bella. But her portrayal of Bella….? Well, it took me awhile to put it into words, but let’s just leave it at- I wasn’t so crazy about it. (Refer to the above video for many of the reasons why)

New Moon

I feared a Twilight repeat. I did. So much of that movie hinged on Kristen’s ability to make us believe in her pain. I came away from that midnight showing really happy with what I saw! I believed her! I felt her loss. I even shed a tear or two even though I knew that Edward would eventually come back and then they’d have some awesome make-out scenes complete with an EPIC Leg Hitch (Don’t do it and DIE, David Slade) and would eventually skinny-dip in the ocean after which they’d do it in probably the most talked about fade-to-black scene ever written, finally resulting in the birth of a half-human, half-vampire genius-child who would be imprinted upon by a werewolf. I cried even though I knew that would happen. (Actually, that’s probably why I cried. Couldn’t he just STAY and give her amazing birthday sex?) Also I didn’t cry until Lykke Li’s “Possibility” came on because I feel emotions through music. Plus, Kristen had my FAVORITE line in all of New Moon. Listen for it here in this clip, courtesy of Brookelockart’s pirated copy of the movie:

Click for awesomeness

So… why the sudden change of heart towards Kristen? Were my expectations SO low for the movie that surpassing them wasn’t that hard to do (That’s actually possible) Did she REALLY step it up a notch this movie? Was Chris Weitz a better director for her? Clearly I just forgot that she was banging Rob with his absence. Instead I thought about flowers, kittens and Swiftner. Or maybe Stewner- yes… that’s right! While watching the movie I invented, in my mind, a real relationship between Kristen & Taylor. She makes him homemade protein shakes while he improves his pectoral muscles. It’s a beautiful relationship. And an obvious one. How else would she know that Taylor carries around little baggies of meat patties? You know, I bet Kristen even bags Tay’s meat patties for him in NAME-BRAND baggies. She loves him that much. Best of all Rob is single & Taylor Swift writes an amazing break-up song that brings me to tears until the end when a wolf is mauled to death by a bear (because afterall, Kristen let us in on a little secret- “They’re Not Bears“) Continue reading

Taylor Lautner Appreciation Sunday

IllegalWolfLover has never hid the fact that she’s a MAJOR, MAJOR Taylor Lautner fan! She does it again with a great letter for Taylor Lautner Appreciation Sunday!

Dear Taylor Lautner,

It’s me again. Surprised? (No, please take your finger off the speed dial to Dateline, it’s not that kind of letter…it will be after February, but that’s another story altogether)

I read on Ace Showbiz that you wanted to be considered a serious actor rather than a piece of meat and that you don’t want to take your shirt off ever again. I totally agree. We should look at you the same way we do Rob, as a well-rounded actor, singer and athlete (ok so maybe Rob doesn’t do that…). So in order to respect your wishes, I will hereby only look at you with your clothes on (this also may change in February). In keeping with my oath and also to spread the love of Taylor Re-clothed, I decided to share from my personal stash of Taycob Porn  random pics I found on the internet of you in all your clothed glory.

We appreciate you trying hard to be hobo-Tay and failing…miserably

We appreciate you being part of the holy threesome…

We appreciate the shout-out to Edward….way to rock the pea-coat…

(Now if only Rob would return the favour )

We appreciate you making the sour-puss smile….(urgh..snake skin)

We appreciate how you can make us believe we’re right there with you… even though it’s wrong and we’re all going to hell….

We appreciate your dedication to the role…

We appreciate you holding your own next to his holy hotness…

And finally

We appreciate that you clean up nice…REEEAAL NIICE!!!

Oh and before I forget

We appreciate you for giving us the wonder that is Big Daddy…(or vice versa…)

I think I defeated my purpose of appreciating you in the right way, but at least we didn’t ask you take your shirt off….

p.s.  stop talking about your body altogether…every time a reporter asks you about it…whistle, walk away, say “have mercy”, do the “cut-it-out” sign or make Rob take his shirt off…instant dodge! And never under any circumstance say things like “I did it for the fans”, “it’s cold in Vancouver when you’ve got no clothes on” or “I hope you guys like it”.

What? You already said that? Well then….good luck keeping your shirt buddy…

Wondering why there are cops at my door,
Me (Illegalwolflover)

Look at us! We can appreciate Taylor even when he has his shirt ON!

One Year later and our internet game is still ridiculous (and our Kung Fu is STILL strong): The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Amanduh is back and her sex is on fire (among other things)!

Dear LTT-ers,

A few months ago UC and I mourned the lose of AmanDUH’s YouTube channel after she deleted all her videos and we thought she was forever gone from our lives. I mean what were we going to do now without her beautiful musical stylings, without her reenactments of Twilight, without her choreography, withouth slightly special faked Edward? Die, that’s what. A world without Amanduh is not one I want to live in!
c
I always thought Ashley Greene’s portrayal of Alice was missing something and I think Amanduh NAILED it!

c

Covering one of the best songs of 2008 AND 2009…

(I’m pretty sure even listening to this is blasphemous)

Seriously, ALL music videos should be made by Amanaduh and ALL songs should be sung by her… come to think of it all MOVIES she be made by her too. It’s Saturday so you might as well go over to her YouTube profile and enjoy the rest of her musical stylings and show her some love.

YEAAAAAAAA her sex is on fiiirrrreeee!
Themoonisdown

One Year later and our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Time for a Newsdump: Everything NOT Twilight related aka Kellan shows us his Calvins!

Yo, it's about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. I'm gonna get mine so get yours, I wanna see sweat comin' out ya pores!

Dear LTT-ers

I was just lamenting (yes it was quite sorrowful) on Twitter that there was simply NO news about Twilight out right now and that makes things awfully boring… but then I started researching and there’s TONS of non-Twilight specific news that our favorite friends are in… so let’s get to it!

  • The trailer for “The Runaways” comes out and I can’t help but think two things-  ONE: they look like little girls playing dress up and TWO: I hope Dakota gets to punch someone


Che-Che-Che-Cherry BOMB!!!

Wait, this isn't the Maxim cover shoot!

  • This is the prom dress you see on the rack at Goodwill and think, dude that would be perfect for my prom scene in “Can’t Buy Me Love” Halloween Costume (just right for doing the African Anteater dance in!)

Follow the cut for more news, less catfish, more abage for the cabbage and one special tatt00
Continue reading

Something’s Different: No more new Twilight fans?

This is my Monday night date. You should SEE who I get on Thursdays..

Dear LTTers,

Something feels different. No, I don’t mean it’s been awhile since Ashley Greene was caught with some sort of Hollywood party boy (although it has been) nor do I mean that I haven’t cracked a joke about KStew’s mullet in awhile (although that’s true too). I just mean that this year, with the recent release of New Moon, feels quite different than last year after the release of Twilight. I can’t really put my finger on it exactly, but so far I’ve come up with this: Everyone is already a Twilight fan! Yes, my friends, Twilight has saturated the market. There are no new fans to be found. There is no one left who hasn’t tried out the books/movies and hated it (let’s burn them) or devoured the books in 36 hours and spent the next few months watching every clip ever mentioning “The Twilight Saga” online. It’s gotten as big as it’s going to get. Or…… has it? We received this letter the other day that had me questioning why I think something feels different:

Dear Twilight,

It’s been just over a month since that fateful Thursday, November 12, when I picked up my reserved copy of Twilight at my local library and finally started reading the first book of your saga. I was merely curious as to what was causing all of the hype and why my sister-in-law’s ideal man was named Edward Cullen. I figured with the movie, New Moon, coming out in a couple of weeks, now would be a good time to read this curiously popular book. I didn’t expect to stay up until 2am reading the first 375 pages, only forcing myself to bed because of work obligations the next morning. As I drifted off to sleep that night, my mind swirled with thoughts of Edward, Bella and the rest of the intriguing inhabitants of Forks, WA. The next day at work I was thankful that it was a Friday, but even more so I was excited to go (rush) home and finish the remaining pages of Twilight. I cracked open a bottle of red wine, broke off a piece of Ghirardelli’s Twilight Delight dark chocolate (I couldn’t resist!) and finished reading the remaining pages of Twilight. And so it began…

In all truth, I didn’t expect to like you. I didn’t expect to love you so much, re-reading you multiple times while awaiting my hold for New Moon to be filled at the library. Like so many others before me (apparently), I voraciously read the remainder of the saga in the next two weeks (only taking so long due to the wait at the library).

I can’t quite explain my new infatuation with you, and to be honest, my husband, at first, was a bit confounded, fearing that he would come home one day to find me all gothed-out and wearing white makeup. I assured him I had no desire to be a vampire. I don’t want to be Bella. I just love the characters and the inexplicable way it makes me feel when I read their story.

The saga is now #1 on my Christmas list this year, along with the special edition DVD.

Does her story sound familiar? Just maybe a year after yours? Read on after the jump! Continue reading

Twilosophy: I am NOT the number 1 Twilight fan!

Dear Twilight and fellow LTT-ers,

Recently a girl I sorta know found out about the blogs and asked me “so you’re like the number one Twilight fan, huh?!” and I wholeheartedly and vehemently said NO! No I am NOT the number one Twilight fan cause in my mind number one fan is some crazy lunatic with Twilight tattoos, owns the entire line of tshirts from Hot Topic, sleeps on the sidewalk for days on end…  number one fan brings to mind visions of that show, FANatic on MTV and how some crazy person deemed an artist’s number one fan went apeshit when they met SugarRay or Britney Spears and that’s about the farthest thing from what I’d do if I ever REALLY met any of these people in real life. In reality I’d pretty much look the other way while hoping they didn’t think I was staring at them. Far from having a fangirl freak out or even acknowledging that I know who they are and NEVER ever in a million years mentioning that I write a blog about them or the books every day.

Yup, number one fan, that's me!

But just because I’m not those things that make me think #1 fan does that make me any less of one? Maybe I really am a number 1 fan. I run this blog, I’ve been to more than my fair share of Twilight related events, heck I have business cards in my handbag with this blog’s URL on it… somehow in my mind this does not equate number one fan but to the outside world, aka the rest of the population, who only know Twilight as that thing “the kids are into” I probably look like the biggest fan that ever lived.

I shudder to think!

So what does it all mean? Follow the cut to see what I come up with…
Continue reading

Tonight on a very special “To Catch a Predator”…

Dear Taylor Lautner lovers, counting down the days until he turns 18 (56),

What would happen if you had the opportunity to meet up with Taylor Lautner? Sarah (comment name SEM) shared with us a story of one lucky woman who did just that or so she thought…Call it fan fiction; call it a work of art; call it so realistic it’s a bit disturbing; We just call it EPICNESS (and hope you don’t call Chris Hansen on us).

To Catch a Predator

I arrived at the nondescript little house around 4 p.m. As I pulled my generic automobile into the driveway, I noticed I was shaking a little. Did I have a sense of foreboding? Did I suspect what trouble lay around the bend? Was I just super-uber excited about getting to meet Taylor Lautner?

It’s hard to say. Sure, like any red-blooded woman I was thrilled about meeting the sexier half of Swiftner. But if I was being honest with myself, I did find it a little odd that I had met Taylor in a chat room a few weeks ago and was meeting him in person in what amounted to BFE, Middle America. It didn’t seem logical that Taylor would live anywhere near there, but I figured with his money he might have properties all over the place. And it did have its charms. It was the kind of small town you’d see in a typical 1950s filmstrip about wholesomeness.

But I didn’t feel wholesome. Who knows why. Maybe it was because I was meeting him for the first time at his home instead of in a public place. Maybe I was experiencing a sort of compulsory nervousness that accompanies all first dates. Or maybe it was the fact that the instant messages I had been sending the as-yet-underaged TaycobSexxy8Pak@perv-sting.com for the last 6 weeks had been categorically debauched. Whatever it was, I was uneasy.

My jitters caused me to drop my tote bag on the way to the door. I told myself to get a grip. He’s just another guy. He’s probably nervous too. I rapped lightly on the door. There was no answer. I knocked a little harder. Nothing. What, does he think I can just use some tree limbs like the uneven parallel bars and then ricochet off the side of his house directly into his bedroom? I’m fast, but I’m not that fast. Finally I heard a young man’s voice from inside the house.

“It’s open. Just come on in.”

Okay, he’s not even gonna come to the door. I know he’s underaged, but he’s old enough to know what bad manners that is…

I opened the door and slowly stepped across the threshold. I didn’t immediately observe anything out of the ordinary, though the décor was admittedly Spartan. Perhaps he had just recently moved in. Hanging in the hallway was a portrait of Taylor with what appeared to be a grandparent. He’s sentimental… That’s hott.

Looking for Taylor, I stepped into the kitchen. The plain pine cabinets, beige linoleum floor, and outdated appliances made the room appear dour despite the light color palette. In the center of the room was a plain pine island surrounded by wooden stools. Something about this house, especially this room, was familiar, but I couldn’t pinpoint where I might have seen it.

Just then he called out from a room farther back down the hallway: “I’m just gonna throw a load of towels into the washer. I’ll be right out.”

This isn’t right… Something is very wrong. Why hasn’t he come out to say hi? Why is he doing laundry when he should be doing me? Why did that picture of he and his grandmother look like someone cut out one of Taylor’s magazine covers and grafted it onto the picture that came with the frame?

At that moment he uttered the words that I immediately recognized as the harbingers of disaster:

“I made some sweet tea. Go ahead and pour yourself a glass. I’ll be right out.”

I realized instantly why the house was so familiar. About 3 things I was absolutely positive. First, I had not been corresponding with the real Taycob. Second, a part of my online conversations – and I didn’t know how large a part – were going to be exposed on network television. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably busted.

Uh oh. Who caught her? Read on after the jump! Continue reading

Taylor Lautner on SNL… what shall we say…

Wait, I think I see a funny skit over there...

Dear Taylor,

Now you know I love ya something fierce (most days) and think of you and Taylor Swift as my own personal Disney Prince and Princess but when the nicest thing I can say about SNL is that you really can rock a wig… that’s probably not good. Now, before I get more than my daily share of hate mail I gotta say there were a couple shining moments in your episode of SNL…

  • Your opening monologue! Showing the VMA clip where you just stood there doing nothing while Kanye trampled all over your sweeties moment was all kinds of hilarious

Vodpod videos no longer available.
round house kick…

  • Those pre-roll photos they show of the host before the skit. Those were HOT sauce and should be added to some museum for creepy women older than you to enjoy

Oh hey hey heeeeey!

  • The wigs. How is it that you can pull off a blond wig, a floppy McDonalds arches mid 90s wig, an emo wig and a freaking crimped and braided teenage girl wig? Does it worry you any that compared to most other teenage boys you look pretty natural in  long girly hair? And most importantly does it worry you that a TV show has access to better wigs than a movie with a multi-million dollar budget has?

Nice rack!

See what else was win, what sucked and what certain red head country star made a cameo after the cut
Continue reading

Ashley Greene balances out the universe while Kellan whores it out

Sit back and relax while we let our super pregnant reader Lisa take the wheel today!!

I'm so much hotter than you

Dear Ashley,

You don’t know me at all, and that’s ok. I was one of the 500+ people who waited in line to get an autograph and picture with you when you were at the opening of New Moon in Woodridge, IL. (Where? Yeah, no kidding. We all wondered why you were there too…) But you might remember me – I was the super pregnant 25 year old (which may or may not have resulted from looking at too many Vanity Fair photo shoots). Needless to say, I stood out a little among the high school crowd there on a “field trip.” I was not, however, the 42 year old woman who was asking you to sign her TwiCon poster. That was not me…I swear. I don’t want any confusion here…..

Anyhoo, I just wanted to say thanks for maintaining balance in the female world. See, you were a total b!tch to me and I find that awesome. When I tried to chat it up with you, you totally shot me down like a pro. Now, I understand that standing (or in your case sitting in a ridiculously plushy, high chair) for 5 hours signing autographs probably sucks slightly more than a 100 Monkey’s jam session. But by the time I saw you, it had only been, like 30 minutes. You weren’t that tired, I could tell. But you were stunning. Like, super-turn me into a fake lesbian, hot. So hot, in fact, that I changed my mind about the $20 picture with you and decided instead to be lame and pay you $20 to sign my book. That’s how much I didn’t want to stand next to your hotness in all my swollen-belly glory. But I digress. Truly I want to thank you. You maintained the hot-girl/ normal-girl-niceness ratio. See, you’re so gorgeous that you just can’t also be nice – it just can’t happen. It would screw things royally for us “normal” girls. We really only have our wits and kindness and moves in the sack (or behind a dumpster, you know, just in case). Hot girls have to be b!tches to maintain this delicate balance. If you were also kind, witty, and great between the sheets, the world just might implode. Or humans would cease to exist because no one would be procreating with us “normal” girls, obviously. So on behalf of “normal” girls everywhere who want to keep their boyfriend/husband/lover, I say THANK YOU!

I’d hug you but you’d probably call security,

Lisa

Did someone order a manwhore in a cliche hat?

Dear Kellan,

You were also at the Woodridge, IL theatre signing autographs and it was equally amazing. You were the Twi-whore I was hoping for (I was dreaming of my future accountability partner, really). You flirted with EVERYTHING in sight…..girls were fawning over you, and you noticed. You even said I looked beautiful (even though I am totes huge and preggers) and told my sister she had great dimples (she does, doesn’t she!). Then, you signed my book “Lisa, I love you! Kellan Lutz” **whispers** You know what? I love you too!** My husband tried to tell me that you probably wrote that in everyone’s book, but I think he’s just jealous of our not-so-secret romance. 😉

Sigh,

Lisa

Thanks Lisa! I laughed so hard at your honesty today!

One Year later and our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Taylor on Saturday Night Live!

Dear Taylor-

Tonight you’re going to be hosting Saturday Night Live and if I’m honest I’m beyond excited for you and for me! I may have even double checked the DVR like uh… 5 times or so just to make sure I’ll have it recorded for all of eternity or until my DVR blows up from recording too many episodes of Top Chef and Jersey Shore (It’s “The Situation,” yall!). I’m kinda of an SNL connoisseur  so can I suggest a few things?

You kind HAVE TO do a skit where you impersonate Rob! I mean seriously, who else could do it? Put on a wig of crazy sex hair, a flannel and have some girl in a black mullet wig tell you what to do, brood a bunch and it’s gold I tell ya!

Make fun of yourself and the jorts! You HAVE to do a wolfpack skit or at the very least something about teen wolf! Only one of the best movie of the 80s by Micheal J Fox that didn’t have to do with time travel.

Opening Monologue?! Well, I mean Taylor Swift set the bar pretty hight… you either gonna have to give her a shout out or do your best impression of Taylor doing Taylor Swift doing Shakira… whew I’m just tired thinking about it…

I have BIG hopes for your Taylor… you will rock this cause no one can do worse than January Jones did this season on SNL. So bring it and bring it HARD (that’s what she said!) Cause I’ll be watching!!!!!!!

Break a leg!
Themoonisdown

What skits do you hope Taylor does on SNL tonight? An “Oh Really?” or perhaps a “Target” with Kristen Wig? Let’s all cross our fingers Big Daddy makes it in because this SNL will (hopefully) be full of videos and videos worth of blog content!

One Year later and our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter