The IMportant questions about Twilight

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

We recent shared some of the letters we receive from LTT/LTR readers, and they’re pretty crazy. I can’t even begin to imagine what the letters you receive are like. Okay, maybe I can. For example, we received THIS letter from “skipped elementary school grammar class in NY” that was addressed to YOU the other day. (here are a few excerpts)

You see I feel kind of cheated where Jacob BLack’s roll is concern.  I no this makes no sense to you. In Breaking Dawn you did write that Jacob and Renesmee was imprinted on each other. But then you add Nahual to the mix. I so cherish the moment you wrote that Jacob imprinted on Renesmee. Because I really, really felt his pain for his love for Bella. At the end of the book I felt kind of cheated. All your fans got to see Bella and Edward love story ending in a fairy tale ending. But I didn’t feel that way about Jacob. See Renesmee is still a little girl. So Jacob only see her as a child he loves and has to protect. WHAT ABOUT THEIR LOVE STORY. But I have mixed feeling because you add NAhual in the picture and now I think Jacob might not find his shoreline after all. Maybe he never finds his love and his holes never get filled. POOR JACOB. So please if you don’t mind do you think in the near future you would write a book on Jacob and add Leah to that too, how she too found her love or a better life.

This brings me to today’s topic: The important questions about Twilight.

Didn't you used to be sorta a dude?

Didn't you used to sorta be a dude?

1. Whatever happened to Leah? The girl who skipped grammar class in elementary school brings up a good point. What about Leah? What’s HER story? I feel as though she was really cheated as a character. She lost Sam; she turns into a smelly dog at will; she runs around with a pack of boys and can’t get mani/pedis with the girls on the weekends. Where is HER happy ending? At least turn her into a lesbian citing her abhorrence of men since Sam hurt her so badly. It would explain how she can fit in with the boys so easily. Plus she could end up with Eric Yorkie after he undergoes a sex change operation.

Not all the e-mails we get are for you, Rob or from crazy people. Larissa sent us one recently that brings us to question #2

2. Do Vampires masturbate? Larissa says:

Well I stumbled upon your website and absolutely love it…its nice to know that i am not the only twisted twilighter in the world…but my obsessive thoughts over the question ” Do vampires masturbate” seriously has me worried …i cannot get the mental image of Emmet rubbing one out and Edward indulged in his thoughts out of my head…this makes me a very sick sad person and im ok with that

You’re not sick, Larissa. You’re normal. Let’s say it all together people: “That’s Normal.” I asked around to my peeps to see what they thought. I heard a chorus of resounding “Yes of COURSE he masturbates.” And I have to agree. If he’s able to get it up an’ at ’em enough to produce a child/half-puppy/half-leech, he’s definitely jerkin’ the gherkin from time to time. And this brings up the very important question, Stephenie: who did he think of before Bella came into his life? Does the Vampire world have their own porn scene & he keeps a copy of Turn of the century sluts stored in his piano bench?

It's leftover mountain lion, but we'll tell her it's chicken. Capiche?

"It's leftover mountain lion, but we'll tell her it's chicken. Capiche?"

3. What is Carlisle chopping in the kitchen in Twilight the movie? Seriously. This has bothered me for almost an entire year. It has kept me up at night. I even asked the question on WikiAnswers (my favorite place for very accurate answers to questions. Did you see how spot on they are with questions about Rob?) And someone said it’s chorizo. HOW DO THEY KNOW THIS!? I thought we were friends, Steph. Or did you stop reading LTT when you saw Moon posted that guy who came on a chat with LTT girls and stripped? I told her you wouldn’t be fooled in thinking that was Rob. I wish you could tell me whether it’s chorizo or salami that Carlisle is cutting. This is very important

BobbyGee, skip the following question:

You heard right. I want THIS down THERE

You heard right. I want THIS down THERE

4. What about the body hair? You know that when Alice, Rose & Esme were changed, the times were different. It wasn’t seen as inappropriate for a woman to sport a big bush (yeah, I mean what I just said). Okay, if the woman was walking down the street, maybe that would be inappropriate, but in private, under the undergarments, bushes were a-okay. But that’s not exactly the style anymore. So what do they do? I can’t imagine trendy Alice & perfect Rosalie would let it grow all wild & crazy. If they shave or wax, doesn’t it grow back? Does it even go away when they try to get rid of it? Maybe, if they have to live with it, they just dress it up. I have a friend who goes orange for Halloween. What’s Emmett’s favorite color? Does Rose surprise him from time to time? Does Alice sport an “Army Green” in honor of Jasper? You know what would REALLY be cool? If they all got the Cullen Crest dyed down there. That’s commitment to family.

BobbyGee you may proceed:

I know you get asked a lot of questions, all the time, Steph, but these questions are really weighing on me. Does Edward stick out his tongue when around his brother and say “nah na na na nah nah” because HIS wife’s hair “down there” is hip with the times? What type of Italian meat did Carlisle get to cut in his kitchen for the first time? What pornographic magazines are out for the men in the Cullen family to enjoy when their wives are out getting their Cullen Crest’s redyed? And what about poor, poor Leah? Where’s her fairy tale ending?

Inquiring minds NEED to know,

What other REALLY IMPORTANT, burning questions do you have about Twilight? Share them in the comments!

And check out my favorite kind of email we receive after the jump!


Click to see how cute

Welcome to our favorite kind of email that we get. We love when someone sends us an announcement about a new product. Because then we can selfishly ask for the product to “try it out.” And when we saw these “Bite Me” notepads from LobotoMe, we HAD to have them. And we got them. And now we’re happy. And so is my desk. Because for the last 3 weeks, since I ran out of kitty notebook paper, I’ve been writing notes on teeny tiny fluorescent yellow post-its. And you can barely see the surface of my desk.

Anyway, this notepad is AWESOME-SAUCE. First of all, it’s cute and I’m all about the cute. Secondly, there’s one side with lines to list your “To-Do’s.” Mine currently says “Review this paper, Blog, Meet Rob, Get warmer, Interview Buttcrack Santa” And THEN there’s a side where you can doodle on Edward. I drew glasses, a belly button & made him say “I love UC.” Seriously. If I wasn’t so cold I’d take a picture so you can see that I don’t make these things up.

Each pad comes with 50 sheets and is $9.95. I was originally going to say that it’s the PERFECT gift for any Twi-teens in your life. But it’s not. Well, it IS, but you’ll end up keeping it. Trust. So go buy a few “gifts” now!

Thanks Jenny for sending this to Moon & I (Psst- she sent me samples of her other notepads too. ADORABLE. I need them all. Now)

Go discuss what you would doodle on Edward on The Forum
And laugh with Moon on LTR. I previewed it and it’s HILAR

327 Responses

  1. Feeling Blarg….I liked this post….You are kewl.

  2. All I know if Stephenie thinks about this type of stuff WAYYY more than I do.

    Here are a couple of questions she answered. (found at and credit to the

    Q: About venom and kissing. Is Bella in any danger of this venom when snogging Edward?

    A. I’ve had a few people wondering why Edward always pulls away from Bella when she opens her mouth while he’s kissing her (thinking I have some sort of anti-female-affectionate-aggression agenda or something, I guess). But, of course, he’s just worried about her safety. Yes, the venom does pose a danger to her. It’s not like acid–it has to be in the bloodstream to cause any problems, it won’t hurt her skin. However, say she had a sore in her mouth, or that she’d bitten her tongue…. Even if that wasn’t the case, Edward’s teeth are sharp as razors. She could cut her lips or tongue on them easily, and then the conversion process would begin–very painfully and very slowly (because it would be such a small infusion of the venom). Sadly, true snogging is out.

    Q: This is going to sound insanely curious but… do the vampires bathe? Given that you said the hunting is messy (no clean puncture wounds), I’m assuming that they get dirty… or at least bloody. So do they take showers? Do they comb their hair? Brush their teeth?

    A: Vampires do shower, but they don’t get dirty the same way we do. Outside dirt, yes–blood and mud and whatnot (though most vampires don’t get a spot on themselves when they eat–its all a matter of practice), but not sweat or body oils. They would never have B.O., ha ha. One girl asked me why Alice had a bathroom and if vampires have to pee. No, they don’t (they use all the blood, creating no waste), but they do shower. (And of course they have to have bathrooms–houses are just built that way, and when they want to move, it would look a little weird on the real estate listing: eight bedrooms, no baths.)

    I thought this one was funny.

    Q. Can vampires get drunk?

    A. No.

  3. I always jump right the rest of the cut so I can read the posting in all one fell swoop – scrolled down by accident and saw the notepad. Got immediately distracted and went and purchased a bunch of different note pads and now I’m still distracted because all I can think about is the cute things I just got.

    I’ll get around to reading the post when I’m less distracted by the new shiny things coming to my home.

  4. It’s speck ham that he is chopping

    It’s like prosciutto but fattier.

  5. Okay, so one question that has been bothering me is what about when Bella has her period? Does it bother Edward or the others any more than her normal sent? I would think that it would be similar to or worse than a mer paper cut.

  6. WHAT THE HELL HAS BEEN GOING ON HERE TODAY WHILE I WAS GONE?????????????????????I have only skimmed the surface and even at my ripe age I am learning soooo much!! Way more than I really ever wanted to know!!! If my freaking face wasn’t falling off before it sure as hell is now….I can’t stop laughing and the tears are falling….hubs is like “are you in that much pain?” “Yup” was all I could come up with…and then started laughing again…shook his head and walked out of the room….

    • @MidSin – glad you are back! How’s your tooth?

      • Thanks for asking Ang…missed you all today!

        Well the good news is…….ok there is no good news..The infection has spread to my jawbone and destroyed that part of the bone and into the nerve that runs up behind my ear….they can’t do anything for it because the infection is too bad…so its antibiotics for now..if that doesn’t visit…then oral surgery…which I definately cannot afford..HOW THE HELL CAN IT COST SO MUCH TO PULL OUT HALF A TOOTH?? Although I have to say….he told me I didn’t do to bad of a job pulling out the part that I did…and damn if he didn’t see the other one that I pulled out but left a little… so at the end of the day….I am waiting till the infection is gone and pulling out the rest myself… 🙂

        • Oh that’s horrible! I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope the antibiotics work quickly. I’m not a doctor, but I’m almost certain Carlisle would prescribe you big doses of Twilight. That is SURE to make you feel better!

          • Oh I would definately follow Dr. Cullen’s advice..any advice I might add…and I will definately be indulging in heavy duty Twilight watching this p.m…. 🙂

          • I agree. Whatever you say, Dr. Cullen!

        • @MS -how did this start? Now I’m worried because I have a crown that’s been bothering me for a few yrs and I haven’t done anything about it. I had root canal in it and then all of a sudden it started hurting. It doesn’t hurt most of the time but now your story scared me!!!

          • SB…STUPIDITY…that is how it started….I had a reallly bad toothache..the tooth was kinda loose and so I took a butter knife and a small hammer and tried to knock it out…seriously…it had worked once before so why not right…WRONG…it only took out half the tooth and cut my lip! But it felt better….then I started getting an abscess a few months ago and as long as I popped it the pressure went away…and the pain…soooo I thought I was golden (and sparkling just cause I need some Edward right now) unfortunately..the infection hadn’t gone away…it went lower into my jawbone and although I felt the pain..compared to most of my days it was tolerable and then I noticed two hard lumps right along my jawbone and I had an earache…now I know why…again…STUPIDITY and NO JOB/INSURANCE/HIGH TOLERANCE FOR PAIN…MAKES ONE A FOOL…
            IF YOU ARE IN PAIN….GO SEE THE DENTIST!!! Just to be on the safe side…and cuz I luv ya… 🙂

          • @MS oh I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve been meaning to get it checked out but you know, life happens. And I’ve been procrastinating so much about it, I’m like if it don’t hurt, I don’t do anything.

            Goodluck hon!

          • @SouthernBelle…please go have it checked out…just to be sure..ok…cause I don’t want you to miss one day of being here..I would miss you…are you feeling better today???

          • @MS – thanks! I do feel better! Hubby and I were both sick, thank God our 2 yr old didn’t get it. I’ll get it checked out, I just absolutely hate going to the dentist. I’ll get my teeth cleaned usually but nothing else!

            You know, I used to not comment here as much and lately I’ve been coming here a lot :-). So yeah if I’m not here I’m either really busy or sick. LOL.

  7. BTW in case anyone is interested…and from the comments previous there you all…..Vampires must have ‘live swimmers” or they would not sell Vampire condoms….
    Their slogan: Vampires ALWAYS get invited inside!!

    • OMFG, so funny! With all the merchandising from the Twilight franchise, I’m surprised we don’t see Edward, Bella and Jacob condoms.

    • Best slogan EVAR

      • Further info on the Vampire Condoms..Just FYI:
        Their ad says the following:
        Top 10 Reasons To Use
        Vampire Condoms

        1. Black goes with anything.
        2. You don’t conform – why should your condoms?
        3. Vampires are legendary for their endurance.
        4. Gives you a good excuse to leave just before dawn.
        5. What’s romantic about wooden horses or dead Egyptians?
        6. Seductive power of Vampires is well documented.
        7. A stranger can give you worse things than a stake through the heart.
        8. Great conversation starter and ice breaker.
        9. Matchbook case won’t leave a ring in your wallet.
        10. Vampires always get invited inside.
        One fully functional black latex condom.
        Individually packaged in black matchbook-style container
        1 for $2.00 (no handling fee) (That’swhatitsaid)

  8. oops..meant to say..and from previous comments you are interested… LOL…gotta love the pain meds + braindamage….whatta combo…

  9. um i got a totally “that’s normal” question.
    What happened to edward when bella was on one of her special monthly gifts? Would that make him blood thirsty and dying to kill her?

    • Jamie my thought is she was on that shot thing that only lets you have like one “gift” a year and it always came when it was sunny so that the Cullens were off hunting……either that or she was so skinny/stressed (not easy dating a vampire and longing for a werewolf) along with being a vegetarian (sp?) that she just didn’t get one at all….

  10. I always was jealous of the thought that if vampires were real, all they would have to do is shave once and never have to do it again. I’m going to stick with that.

  11. I found this on :

    Question: Are you thinking of writing a novel in Renesmee’s perspective when she’s older? — froggyoggy

    Meyer: If I were to go ahead with the Cullen universe — and honestly, I’ll do it for myself, whether I publish it or not is questionable at this point — but the narrators that I would go ahead with … would be Renesmee and Leah. Leah’s the other one whose story doesn’t seem resolved to me at this point.

    • Well she better do it and someone better leak it out onto the internet like they did with Midnight Sun

      • I so agree..Hi TS…see you have been busy today…lol…notice I changed my avatar to give Ms. Meyers a reminder how much I want to have her finish Midnight Sun!!!

      • Or better yet, she should write it and then PUBLISH it so we get the full version and not some cliff hanger that leaves me pissed.

  12. oh my gosh. i had an insane day at work and came back to 230something comments. crazytimes! i can’t keep up.

    Thanks to those of you who initiated my brand new macbook pro with their first pornographic images


    • UC…I have forgiven you for not emailing me about the notepads…only cause I ordered a thousand of them and it made me smile!!! 🙂

  13. I’m so late to this game…
    and I stand by my original question, posed to Mrs. Meyer:
    Why did Edward wear such douchey clothing? Come on. A white, sleeveless, button-up shirt. You know it had a Mandarin collar.


  14. Totally off topic, but I had to share. I just watched How I Met Your Mother from last night. They had a whole tweed bit that ran through the entire show! They were making fun of Ted for wearing a tweed jacket. He thought it made him look smart; the friends all said it would be impossible to get laid in that jacket.

    I just kept thinking how serious tweed is!

  15. I’m gonna mention how much this blog influences my life now:

    I was driving home in Forks weather thinking about how I’m likin’ the rain while listening to Peter, Bjorn, and John (can’t always be listening to Debussy…which I totally bought after reading the books. Twi-nerd!) and their song “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off” is playing and gets to these lyrics:
    “Do you remember what happened before?
    It just didn’t sparkle, it just didn’t grow.”

    And I was all “OMG HOW FITTING TO TODAY’S POST!” And then was second-hand embarrassed. And I thought of Cyndi, because I usually do, and then of egregrious, because she actually clicked on the turn of the century porn.

    • TS – This is so weird and cool. I’ve been thinking the same thing this evening. It poured down rain all day here, and when I was driving home from work I was thinking how Forks-like the weather was. And swear to God, I also was thinking about how I was likin’ the rain!

      Then when I was taking the garbage out, I slipped in some mud. I didn’t fall down, but I totes thought “oh, I almost had a Bella walking to her truck on the ice” moment!

      • What is it with this rain! 40ish here too and rainy…been raining for weeks on end with an occasional sliver of sunshine. We are all so very pale now! The whole summer was mostly raining too.

        I actually love the rain but when it starts flooding like what we had a month ago and then my basement started flooding, well that was a little too much.

        OK are we 300 yet?

    • Thanks for the email…again..please stop making me laugh….not really… 🙂

    • @Team Seth… I chickened out looking at the centrury porn…was afraid it would put me over the edge…

  16. Anyone still up…need three more comments to break three hundred for the day!!! I don’t think I have three more in me…someone..plz….help!!

  17. BTW who are we kidding UC & Moon are probably snoozing like normal people…

  18. Ooohhh Edward note pads…do they have Jasper pads (that sounds gross) To Do: Style Jasper’s hair respectfully, Molest Jasper, Molest Emmett, Molest Alice…wait, that’s wrong. Umm oh! Get Cold. That’s right, I live in Florida, where it was 98 today. I am so jealous of your cold fronts.

  19. PANCHETTA- Carlisle is cutting panchetta in the kitchen scene. Since they are cooking Italain for Bella! Its a cured pork product kind of like bacon.

  20. In Breaking Dawn, Edward tells Bella that he wants to get Demetri – “Demetri is mine” and something about thanking Alice for the last 50 years.
    It BOTHERS me that I can’t figure out what he means.
    HELP ME!!

  21. ok,,, answer me what happened when Bella was on her period.. this question bugs the crap out of me! I know Edward can’t read her mind, but maybe he finally realized why he gets a double dousage of herion every month. Bella, how do you cover it up?? like you are so active in New Moon!! HELP ME OUT :DD my twitter is kilayla13, i have followed you for a while now 😛 i believe you talked about butt-crack santa a bit

  22. […] in the history of notepads: The “Bite Me” Notepad! You’ll probably remember the first time we talked about this Notepad when we gushed over it like crazy people, but literally we’ve had one of these notepads in […]

  23. […] in the history of notepads: The “Bite Me” Notepad! You’ll probably remember the first time we talked about this Notepad when we gushed over it like crazy people, but literally we’ve had one of these notepads in […]

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