How to be a fun celebrity

We're not fooled by your attempt at fun. Whistling does not count

We're not fooled by your attempt at fun. Whistling does not count

Dear Twilight cast members who are absolutely no fun (read: Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson),

What’s your problem? Can’t you have a little fun? Sure it’s annoying having people run after you so you can sign a book that you had absolutely no part in writing. And some fans (read: most fans) are absolutely crazy, but it’s your life. And it’s not going away. So why not laugh about it? Otherwise, you’re just going to be running away for forever. And while all that running may produce a kick-ass gluteus maximus, who needs tight buns when you’re just hiding away in a dark hotel room all day long? (if you’re doing something with those tight buns in the dark hotel room, that’s a different story…)

If you want to trade positions, I’m willing. (positions in life- I’m no longer talking about tight buns) I’d be such a fun celebrity.. like Fach- Peter Facinelli. That dude knows how to be a celebrity the right way. He joined twitter, started tweeting back & forth with fans and before you knew it, some dude he knows is in a bikini on the street in Hollywood! Peter’s a good time!

I’ve put together a list of ideas on how to be a fun celebrity. Take my advice & your life will be so much more joy-filled, less stressful and you’ll be able to show off that gluteus maximus in public, instead of hiding away in a hotel room.

  • Kellan, will you ask that pap to sign my book?

    Kellan, do you think that photographer would sign my book?

    When you’re running away from the paparazzi and you jump into a cab, kiss the cabbie.

  • Tired of people thinking you’re with so-and-so just because you were seen together near the used lingerie section of VanCity’s finest thrift store? Hold hands with your bodyguard. And skip. (if you’re feeling extra funny, slip your new, used panties over the bodyguard’s head)
  • Carry around a Twilight book and have one of your cast members sign it right in front of the paps. OR ask the paps to sign it.
  • Stop fearing the paps- LOVE on them. Carry around a notebook & write little messages for them. “I like it when you call me Big Papa” (tell Big Daddy Lautner about that- he’ll get a kick out of it) or ‘Breaking News! I’m a hermaphrodite” or something simple like “I love the paps.” If you’re not feeling up to risking ending up as the latest freak mentioned in the National Enquirer, write about a charity- “”
  • Get an official twitter. You wouldn’t even have to tweet often. People would still write you every day and wait for you to say “Damn that steak was good” or “My dirty hair is starting to itch” (psst there is even a setting where you can turn OFF replies from people you don’t follow! Protection from the fangirls!) Plus you could tweet lies like “Headed to 100 monkeys tonight- Man i Love them!” and instead run back to that thrift store because you forgot to pick up matching flannel pajama pants.
  • Drunk Tweet. Billy Black Burke (that was not an intentional mistake) does it the best:

    Just sitting here in my hotel room with uncomfortable images of PFach and Lutz together in a tandem lotus position. mmmm, dreamy.

    What the…?

  • Kstache

    I love little boys, and Twitpic

  • Once you have a twitter, get yourself a Twitpic account. Photoshop yourself with a mustache. Or photoshop your co-stars with a mustache. Upload the pictures.
  • Be touchy-feely with fangirls. Well, the hot ones anyway. I happen to think Kellan should be a lil more choosy with the fans he loves on. Pick the hottest ones (we do exist), get a lil smooch and maybe, if you’re feeling dangerous, even a lil’ more. Or kiss your co-stars who don’t get enough attention. Have you SEEN Christian Serratos lately? Dang…..
  • Put it out there on Craigslist like this guy. Don’t be ashamed if you have a strong want for a gorgeous Asian boy. And even if you don’t want a gorgeous Asian boy, pretend that you do. Cause you know that some pap will reply to the ad and set-up a date with you so they can catch you and sell the story. But the joke will be on them. Dress up like a vampire (I hear you may know somewhere you can swipe some clothes & make-up), set up some candles & romantic music, get your video camera ready with a live feed to your tinychat for twitter and open the door and say “Mama taught me how to make you ‘meow’ ” The pap might not get  it, but we all will.

Stop being a sourpuss couple. Be FUN celebrities! Learn from Fach, Kellan, TayTay and whoever is 26 and looking for a lil’ gaysian lovin’ to pass the time!

Happy to help!

Who are your fav fun Twi-lebrities?

Discuss who wants a gaysian lover on The Forum
See if Rob did anything funny over on LTR

Pic Source and Thanks to Fatima for mustache-Kristen!)

140 Responses

  1. Well, could anyone blame them if they do get a bit paranoid and loose their smiles when life is turned around like that? I’ m sure I would freak out totally if I had to keep on the move, because I know in twenty minutes I’ ll be surrounded by screaming people who want to touch me. Wouldn’ t you?

    (I promise I won’ t scream, Rob. Just go to your happy place for a few minutes while I touch you a tiny bit… 🙂 pleeeeeze?)

    Lets hope you’re right, and Rob and Kristen will live to live this Twilight-craziness down and go on to have happy careers elsewhere, where both they and we can relax and enjoy it more. But first, you guys; sacrifice yourselves for me and find a way to make Breaking Dawn. Don’t forget to break the headboard!

    • im totally agree with u here.
      also, why do we have to call them not fun if they’re not behave like other casts do (pfach, kellan,blly)? Cmon, other cast doesn’t get the same attention as kris and rob got. even Kellan said that they feel bad for Rob cos they can always have their free and relaxing time if Rob working…
      this is what he said :
      “Especially for Rob—we feel bad for him. Like, we go out to cast dinners and, whenever Rob’s shooting, that’s when we can have free time because usually that’s when everyone is trying to shoot Rob or Kristen. So then we can actually be free to walk around the city and shop and go out to eat. You know, when we want to do cast dinners, it’s tough because you can’t just chill.”

      i know for this recent tense atmosphere, someone has to blamed for. for the first time people start to blame summit for what happened, but everything doesnt come better so people start to blame Rob and kris for their behavior. POor them, i feel bad for them not becoz their life become as bad as hell, no freedom for getting private life or becos their choose this kind of life, but i feel bad for them becoz this kind of hate coming from their fans who following them for months. we are selfish cos we always want and need to be pleased, but they are human too, they have their own limit. can u see that taylor start to feel like them, have u seen the lack of his big smile at VMA?he start to feel the same attention as rob and kris get, and see what happened….

  2. OMG! I agree! Dude they are sooo bored! they need to have fun! I know sometimes Paps can be a pain in the ass but maan! you have a lot of think to be grateful!
    for example THE HOT FANS LIKE US! Ha! you should take this advice! Stop running and dance it up!

    btw! I’m loving this =D

  3. i have this vision of them being like 99% actors and 1% celebrities, if that makes any sense to anyone as it does in my head haha

    if they look unhappy there must be some reason, right? it can be work related or not.

    besides, they could’ve smiled a sec later, but if anyone caught it on camera, then the moment they looked pissed is all we have, and it is what it is.

    i could never judge them for any of their actions (or anyone for the matter).

    i can only wish them my best.

    but i’d love to see them drunk in a daily basis.

  4. LMAO – I almost died at the “Mama taught me how to make you ‘meow’” idea. *slaps knee*

    But writing a charity’s website on a piece of paper is an AWESOME idea!!!

  5. Ok everybody, CHILAX! I highly recommend you watch the latest New Moon trailer 3 more times. Then watch the Rpatz YouTube video titled “buttons” at least once. That should reboot your Pattinson love.

  6. I don’t think it’s so surprising that the Fach is more fun than Rob. I mean, who was more fun in high school, really, Mike Dexter or Edward Cullen?

  7. […] told you guys to suck it up, act normal, be fun and go about your lives till they get bored with you buying toothpaste and running to the Subway […]

  8. […] taught you how to be a “fun celebrity.” Too bad you didn’t […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: