New Moon Trailer – Breaking it Down! And ordering a Sleep Number Bed

Dear LTT-ers,

You know one of our favorite things to do is ramble on about Twilight and Rob and have extended chats about everything in the twi-world which we dubbed “Breaking it down Vanity Fair style” in homage to our very first chat of this nature that spurred the creation of this blog. SOOOO when the new trailer came out Sunday night and after many folks requested we break it down, here we are BREAKIN’ IT DOWN for you! And as usual it devolves into a chat about something completely different but yet oddly related to Twilight. So since this is a loooong one… grab a cocktail (or a diet coke) and settle in as UC, Calli and I break this shiz down!

UGGGGhhh uuhhh AHHH!!

(refresh yo memory… as if you need it)


Wait, Carlisle is HOW old??

The one where Bella second guesses this whole thing…
ok burning daylight, lets hit it
Moon: i love that because cathy was so fail and didn’t include some of the volturi legend they have to do all this backtracking… “the volturi?! who’s that?! they have LAWS??” Yea you should have known that from the last book Bella.
UC: wasting chris weitz’ precious time
Calliope: she’s all like HOLD UP BACKUP
UC: and while youre at it.. who is buttcrack santa again? This changes EVERYTHING!
Calliope: wtf didn’t you tell me about this LAST TIME
UC: I wouldn’t’ have fallen in love with you had I known about the Volturi! Carlisle is HOW OLD? Dude? I’m crushing on you’re 300something year old dad?
Moon: I’m not sure I wanna date you now Edward, is that Newton kid still down?
Calliope: I bet Edward says.. “Second thoughts bella?” all assholey on her like “TOLD YOU SO”
Calliope: she’s like … hold up… you’ve been celibate for HOW LONG
UC: wait.. you eat MOUNTAIN LIONS? Ew
Moon: this changes everything! Trailer fades to black. The end
Calliope: yeah though granted, it makes more sense to discuss the volturi now, for the non-readers (all 10 of them) to have movie flow
UC: good job cathy the cougar
Calliope: but seriously. Bella needed this info LAST movie
UC: right… we really do need to worry about the 10 ppl left in the world who haven’t read
Moon: and dont forget they still have to touch on jaspers special power
UC: and they did NOTHING with the Alice story
Calliope: “wait a second,… jasper controls my emotions?!?! WTF edward… i trusted you!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
UC: So it’s Jasper that’s been making me feel that tingly feeling down there? I thought you were skilled!
Moon: so my first unicorn was all a ruse by you and your emotion altering BROTHER?! What kind of sick family is this?!
Calliope: Oh edward… clearly this is his first relationship. Edward is suck a fail boyfriend… just tells her what he wants her to hear.

Wanna see what else we talked about? Hint: Matlock, Mattresses and Afros… YUP follow the cut


Bella, I have to leave, these orthopedic shoes are killing me

The one where Edward loves Murder She Wrote
Calliope: “Bella I’m dressed like your grandfather so you have to listen to me when I tell you not to be reckless”
UC: “Bella, Do you see these shoes? These are old man shoes, they mean business”
Moon: “I’ve even got Wuthers Originals in my pocket so you know I’m being serious”
Calliope: “this jacket might be tweed. Tweed is serious Bella. I am serious.”
UC: “I even have a jitterbug phone & I desire to be a college professor so I’m leaving you”
Moon: “And don’t do ANYTHING stupid while I’m away. Here have a Wurthers and lets watch Matlock”

The one about Freedom

Just like George Micheal sang: FREEEDDDOOMM!! Oh FREEDOM!

Just like George Micheal sang: FREEEDDDOOMM!! Oh FREEDOM!

Calliope: distraught bella has sexy hair. she ditches the headband
UC: yes… she’s like.. fine.. I’ll make a wolf have a boner. Headband Bella is gone, boner Bella is here
Calliope: I bet edward made her wear the headband. REBELLION!!!!!!!!!!!!
UC: and Jasper made her feel like she wanted to wear it. FREEDOM!
Calliope: VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!
Calliope: she also bought much cooler shirts to wear as distraught Bella

The one with Yorkie and the Beard

Skip to my loo my yorkieeee

Skip to my loo my yorkieeee

Moon: I was gonna draw our attention to :38 Yorkie and Angela holding bhands!
Calliope: i knowwwwwww she’s such a beard
Moon: i mean dont they know thats supposed to be Angela and Ben Cheney?! HELLOOO! Next to the charcoal volvo! FAIL
Calliope: charcoal is the new silver
Moon: suv is the new panty dropper
Calliope: and everyone knows she’s his beard because they are SWINGING their hands, the span of that swing SCREAMS beard
Moon: and the fact that they’re heading towards the “tool shack” Forks’ premier gay bar
UC: For those of us that do not know what a beard is but can only image, can you enlighten?
Calliope: a beard, my darling, is someone who poses as the girlfriend/boyfriend for some reason… usually its because the person is gay

The one about sudden onset orgasms and the Sleep Number Bed

Gimme an OOOOHH!!

Gimme an OOOOHH!!

UC: do you think she’s having a really scary orgasm? Like it’s so intense she just screams out of terror
Moon: in the bed? Or the woods?
UC: both, it’s so good that it starts in the woods then continues in the bed
Moon: maybe she just has sudden onset orgasms
Moon: and edwards like dude i dont even have to do anything she just HAS them
UC: it’s convenient…. for him especially during those times of month
Moon: no work necessary
Moon: the scream is awkward: like UHHH uhgggggh AHHHH
Calliope: i’m just glad we can clearly see that bella has a fullsized bed. Did anyone else ever wonder? I could never tell. Scream is awkward… but epic.
UC: it’s hard to take it seriously in this little clip
Moon: I may have to add that to my Bella repertoire: so I’ve got the hospital scene, the eyebrow and now the scream

Are you a hard or soft?

Are you a hard or soft?

UC: So what’s the context of the screaming? Is it because of Edward? Or is there a spider in her bed? Does she have cramps?
Calliope: maybe she just really hates the mattress, too lumpy
Calliope: she likes it HARD
Moon: thats what she said
UC: Yeah… she thought she was a #37, but turns out she’s an #88
Moon: Bellas pissed about her new sleep number bed
Moon: instead of a camera and scrapbook she got a sleep number bed for her birthday
UC: orgasm, bed bugs, wrong # on the sleep # bed… the movie is just gonna be a big ol’ advertisement for sleep #

Calliope: UC, maybe we should go to the sleep number store tomorrow after lunch and test out the beds
UC: i think we should
UC: maybe we can take our panera on a picnic on the bed
Calliope: and see if that really does happen if we put it on the wrong number
UC: watch out.. i might attack you if we’re in the same bed
Moon: and do THE SCREAM

The one where Anna Kendrick isn’t dedicated

The REAL Jessica Stanley

The REAL Jessica Stanley

Moon: its nice that jessica stanley is still bitch enough to taunt a mentally unstable person
UC: i really do wish for the curly haired afro jessica though. Another FAIL
Calliope: haha
UC: i don’t care about the Volvo, I don’t care about the kitchen cabinets, but NOT giving jessica a curly afro? FAIL
Moon: she was curly hair in the book?
UC: yes and i imaged her with a dark curly afro
Moon: dang! UC gets the Twi nerd of the day award
Calliope: anna kendrick is not dedicated to her craft. KStew would gotten a perm to play jessica
UC: i’ll find you a picture (to the right)
Calliope: anna kendrick bought a flat iron
UC: Nikki would have too
Moon: kstew would definitely have permed the mullet just so she could BE Jessica. Embody the character of Jessica. And then made out with nikki because in her mind jessica is a secret lesbian

The one about the sounds of cliff diving

Is this a game of Frogger?!

Is this a game of Frogger?!

Moon: the good thing is if bella needs a job she could always be one of those mexican cliff divers. The whole drowning thing might bum out the tourists but its an option
UC: listen to the sound effect when she jumps in
Moon: that’s the sound that plays when you just got shot in laser tag and your vest is disabled
UC: sounds like Pacman or some arcade game
Calliope: i always hear that sound when i jump into water off of cliffs you don’t?
UC: do you think they just went to dave & busters for their sound effects? Had to save a buck because Kristen demanded a REAL sleep-number bed to act the scene?
Moon: Actually, Chris Weitz found his old Atari gaming system in the garage and was like lets use this shiz! Summit was pumped cause they saved a few bucks

The one where Jacob cops a feel during CPR

Hello lips... you look like you could use a kiss

Hello lips... you look like you could use a kiss

UC: mother EFF. Look at the kid when he says “what the hell were you thinking?” Kiss her. DO it. damnit
Moon: is he looking at her lips?
UC: yes
Moon: HOT, do it!!
Moon: CPR/make out aka cardio pulminary make out
Calliope: haha maybe he was hoping she wasn’t breathing
UC: that’s why he’s mad “what the hell were you thinking? jumping in a cliff, getting me all wet & cold.. and not even stopping your breathing.. i wanna kiss damnit”
Calliope: so he could cope that feel once again

Here let me touch your boobs... i mean your heart

Here let me touch your boobs... i mean your heart

Moon: the chest compressions would mean he could touch her boobs. Bella comes to and shes like why are you massaging my boobs when my heart needs compressions?
Calliope: i bet his next line is … i promise i’m not this small … its just the cold water
thats what the shocked look is
UC: she’s like.. ‘dang… is that it?”
Calliope: she felt something…. but really she felt nothing
Moon: it was a stick in his pocket from the la push beach
Calliope: that’s what he told her
Moon: talk about disappointment
Calliope: jacobs peen is FAIL
UC: and Edward’s peen is missing. So what’s a girl gotta do? Get it on by herself in her sleep number bed
Calliope: OHHHHHHHHHHH thats why she was screaming- she was takin care of business by herself

The one where Edward and Jacob use the swears

Oh HALE NAH you don't!

Oh HALE NAH you don't!

Moon: lets talk edward cursing shall we? Whats with the make up when edward cusses? His head looks like its from a diff body
UC: he looks like Drag Edward/Eddie who says sexy things. They airbrushed his head to match his abs
Moon: like oh no one will notice we ran out of make up and didnt vamp him out
Calliope: if you freeze frame “you can go to hell” edward… he looks like shit

Moon: When she says “Edward im scared” – thats her first time
UC: yes.. that is her first time, you’re right
Calliope: they did a whole lot more than walkin in those volturi hallways under the cape
UC: Edward copped a feel
Moon: tracing the lips. Ahem!

The one where Moon is excited for Billy Burke



UC: um WHO is behind charlie in the tree? cuz that person I’d also like to bang. just cuz
Moon: everyone keeps saying Victoria
Calliope: victoria
UC: yeah.. I’d do her
Moon: you know billy burke is pumped he’s in the trailer. His copstache is famous! I’m surprised he didn’t drunk tweet about it
Calliope: moon, you’re also pumped he is in the trailer! I heard you gasp “Charlie!” So dont’ deny
Moon: i totes yelled CHARLIE, like a dork! And I also yelled “THAT’S NOT SILVER” when the volvo was on but you couldnt hear that on the video
Calliope: love that billy burke got all excited about being in the trailer
Moon: he totally celebrated with a 6-er of vitamin R and a couple mustache rides

The one where we wonder things…

You guys, how do my boobs look in this?!

You guys, how do my boobs look in this?!

Calliope: Can we talk about two scenes that confuse the EF out of me… and they are back to back
Calliope: minute 2:45 Bella in the bed in the sexy walmart cami with edward sitting by… and then the next scene where she’s in the italy shirt but in front of bushes. WHERE DO THOSE play into this shit? The bushes scene doesn’t make sense at all… she wouldn’t find bushes like that in italy in the middle of stone buildings, I know I was there, damnit
Moon: are there bushes in Italian piazzas? Not last time i was there
Calliope: exactly
Moon: maybe it’s bella’s limited wardrobe. I mean she has the khaki skirt and the ugly jacket and its cold in the NW so she cant wear the slutty top every day
Calliope: maybe they have a shopping sequence at the airport mall and the curtains for the dressing room were made of bushes?
UC: ooh that sounds right. At La Perla
Moon: right, a shopping montage for the hell of it to stock up on essential underthings for her reunion with Edward
UC: La Perla dressing rooms have a jungle theme
Calliope: makes sense jungle theme for bush covering items. I said it, yep
Moon: do you love us yet TBY789?!?
UC: she wanted Alice & Edward to see if her new bra made her look ‘perky’ in her button down shirt
Moon: and since garter belts are hard to run in she needed some new undies
Calliope: hence the running attack out of the curtains, she had to test them out
Moon: solved! la perla has jungle themed dressing rooms

Calliope: sometimes i think it might actually be a dream sequence like she dreams of running to find him in that shirt
UC: how many times have you watched this? So that you could consider it “sometimes” cuz… you might need help, i’m not sure yet
Calliope: i told you it bothered me
Moon: the lunch time meeting at the sleep number store tomorrow is actually a ruse, Calli. UC is taking you to an intervention
UC: yes I am. We are starting a ‘Obesssed with the Twilight trailer” anonymous group tomorrow
Calliope: holler! will there be refreshments at the intervention? That’s the only way i’ll go
if they have the little bottles
Moon: yes and sleep number bed consultations
Calliope: i’m a kid and the kids love those little bottles
Moon: you’ll also learn how to make a kitty meeeooowww

What number are you?!

What number are you?!

Moon: what was your other conundrum?
Calliope: the part right before that bella in her walmart tank in bed with Eddie looking on another dream? reality? she looks PISSED.
Moon: is that the proposal?
Calliope: or like she just asked for sex and he said No
Moon: or he re-adjusted her sleep number while she was sleeping and it woke her up and she was pissed. Cause he likes it HARD

And with that we draw this LONG break down to a close!! What did you think? Favorite part of the trailer and who has a Sleep Number Bed?

Special Thanks to the awesome Calli (Twi-theater mod and all around swell gal) for bringing the awesome! Everytime!

Rediscover the Rob butterflies at LTR
Break it down in the forum
Follow us on Twitter
Are you a Mattress manufacturer and want to advertise with us?! Email us! HAHA

PS In honor of Patrick Swayze revisit one of my favorite posts ever: No one puts Bella in a corner!

182 Responses

  1. As always…amazing stuff.

    And, I’ll stand in line if Jasper is giving out unicorns.

  2. The power of the cop/pornstache:

    It inspired a dream on Sunday night about meeting Billy Burke in a hotel lobby in Vancouver (the one where the papz followed Rob and Stewie and she ran like FloJo). Nothing too exciting, though. He had lost his iPhone and I was returning it to him. But he looked GOOD.

    ❤ the trailer, ❤ your breakdown, ❤ your faces!

  3. I’m still crying from laughing so hard! You gals KILL ME! The bushes, I know, right? WTF? OMG – and Edward DID look like shit in the Go To Hell scene! LMAO thanks for the laughs!

  4. HA HA HA! This was the best ‘breaking it down’ ever!!!
    UC I am so with you on the Jessica hair! When I was reading the books I totes pictured her like this:
    I seriously need to go to the ‘Obesssed with the Twilight trailer” anonymous group!
    I am so glad someone else mentioned the screaming! All jokes aside, that was the only thing that didn’t sit right with me. It was awkward. My hubs totally laughed at that part.
    My fave parts of the trailer were the underwater scene with Edward apparition(I thought is was beautifully done) and OF COURSE when Edward swears. 🙂

    PS I love you Robward, but that is SO and old man suit.
    “this jacket might be tweed. Tweed is serious Bella. I am serious.” so.freaking.hilarious!

    • I’m there with you. The underwater “Edward mirage” shot was gorgeous. After being able to both see AND hear the sparkles, I never thought they would be able to pull off something this beautiful.
      In all honesty, both of their faces in that shot were beautiful as well.

  5. Loved your comments lol And Have you noticed, in the scene where Alice tells Bella that the volturi can kill them ,that the inside of the car doesn’t look like Bella’s pick-up, but she is in the driver seat o_0

    • DUDE! that also bothers me… i just tell myself that they flipped the image… or Bella said the only way she’d go save the controlling ex-boyfriend’s ass was if Alice let her drive… and gave her the Cullen’s Black Amex Card for a side trip to La Perla.

      • lol or maybe Alice birthday present to Bella was taking her pick-up to “pimp my ride” lol
        In the book they were in a hurry, Alice would never let Bella drive lol and bella won’t ask for that ’cause she could only think about saving Edward.
        calliope I guess we will have to wait to November to solve this mystery 😉

  6. This post was so full of win!
    But UC and Moon, I have to tell you that you’ve totes ruined my newsy natures. I saw this today and laughed so hard I almost dropped my D. Coke on my new Macbook.
    Looks like somebody took our RPattz dumpster-lovin’ plans a little too far:

  7. newsy nature.
    Not plural. Obv.

  8. Great job “Breaking it down Vanity Fair Style”* Moon, UC and Calli!

    Ok, so I have a RAQ (random ass question – can I say that?) that I wanted to throw out there…..the hubby is going out of town tonight and I was thinking of watching Twilight (yet again), but have yet to watch it with the commentary on…is it worth watching with commentary? Does it enhance or ruin the experience of watching some of the 2nd hand embarrassment moments?

    *Is there a link on your site (or elsewhere) to view the hour long Vanity Fair program that started all of this?

    • It is SOOOOO worth it. I actually think it is better than the movie.

    • YES!!! The commentary rocks!! Most definitely you should watch it.

    • YES, YES, YES. A thousand times YES! The commentary is great!
      I think Rob thought he was doing “Mystery Science Theatre.” A LOT of talking back to the movie and snide comments about the ridiculousness of it and how he looks.

    • yes! watch with commentary! so good. and embarrassing. but it/’s not like watching the movie. it’s like watching rob do stupid stuff. amazing

      also: it’s short.. it’s our first post… and we will ONE DAY break down that video:) of course!

      • What are you all talking about?? Have I been missing out on something? Commentary??? Can someone explain please to the twichallenged one?

        • On the DVD in the features section it gives you the option to watch it with commentary “on” or “off” – with Kristen, Robward and the Cougar.

          • Thanx…so they talk thru the whole movie..? How could I not know this….nevermind….lol

          • Oh I am so excited..I know doesn’t take much…but seriously, HAD NO idea that this feature was on the DVD! I just now figured out how to get it to work and have listened to a few seconds of it am in Twi -Heaven…its like they/he KNOWS I need to be talked through the movie!! Getting new pack of cigs..yup me and Rob share another bond…fresh cup of coffee…Blanket Rob tightly wrapped around me, (its freezing here)..gotta remember to get that pillow..Post-it!…and I am ready to settle in to watch/listen to Rob..I mean Twilight from a different perspective…could it get any better!!!??? OH I hope I remember this!!!

          • Midnight Sin – how was it??? As I sat down to fully enjoy the experience after putting the little one to bed…the damn DVD player pooped out. 😦 Tots time to get a new one before the hubby goes out of town next week so that I can finally watch it with the commentary. Quick thinking, though I salvaged the evening, by using UC’s link to the Vanity Fair extended version of the photo shoot so I still got my “fix”.

  9. I’m glad you girls brought up Bella running through the bushes with her Italy shirt on. That part totally confused me too. My explanation: there are bushes obviously right infront of the clock tower. 😉 Hmmm..but seriously, it has to be a dream sequence. Maybe it’s another montage like @ the end of Twilight. Bella probably thinks she’s dead again like she does in every book…every other chapter. So just like the snow falling and Edward wrapping his arms around her in the meadow – this time in New Moon – Bella’s running through random bushes because that makes sense – then they’ll cut to 100 pics of her face because why not?

  10. Regarding the throwback to the Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner post: I totally have the Dirty Dancing soundtrack on RECORD! Gosh damn…..maybe if I slow down the speed, there will be a special message from Edward. Spooky! Hmph…now I have to go find a record player somewhere….I bet if I went to the Apple store and asked, I’d get slapped!

  11. Did anyone notice how not paper like Aro’s skin was? That really bothered me. Also, I always imagined the Volturi looking older than that. I mean, I know they don’t change, but I had this image of Theoden (King of Rohan in LOTR: The Two Towers) before Gandalf snaps him out of the spell.

    And, did Caius not resemble Filch from HP? I mean, just a little. Plus Filch’s cat has red eyes… just saying

    Filch w/ Mrs. Norris after she’s drank animal blood (all kinds of wrong there!)
    Mrs. Norris once she’s given up cannibalism and moved onto human blood

  12. haha this was so hilarious. seriously, crying laughing going on!

    i have a sleep number bed, and i have never thought so much about it until now! my number is 25 and it’s great. i am sure bella was just on the wrong number. 😉

  13. I don’t think we’ll be forced to listen to the “sparkle” this time around. They probably just had to put that in the last time because the crapolla effects made him look like “just a sweaty guuyyy.”

    There were more non readers the first time around and even my husband at this point knows they sparkle. They won’t have to hit us over the head with the glitter glue and twinkley sounds.

    we get it!!

  14. I am mostly excited about all things Volturi. We’re talking vampires here…it’s about time we had some good action….and then hopefully some other *action* laters. hehe

    Also, I’d like to see more Jasper+Alice, please.

    P.S. Bella’s scream bothers me a lot. She sounds like a squealing pig. NOT cute.
    Maybe that’s why Edward keeps delaying the sexy times; he’s heard her squeals of pleasure/pain (watching someone all night while they sleep has it’s cons) and it’s so not doing anything for him.

  15. You ladies breaking it down puts a smile on my face every.single.time.

    Loved it! So glad I’m not the only one annoyed about Jessica Stanley’s lack of curls 🙂

  16. The trailer will never be the same again…

  17. ROFL

  18. So, umm, I’m looking for min 2:45 and cannot find it! I would love to take a look at this moment and then rant about how they better not mess this movie up like they did the first one but I just cannot find minute 2:45. I might be missing something (not unusual for me) but i’m just not seeing it. Please help!

  19. You all fucking kill me. Loved the Werther’s Originals and Matlock references. This is when I know I am with Twilighters in my general age range and I like it. I, of course, loved the Charlie and his rocken stache mention, and, of course, the Vitamin R shout-out–I know not for me but I’ll take it anyhoo.

    I hate that fucking hairband–she looks so much better without it–WTF? I never imagined her wearing a hairband. You should get some royalties from Sleep Number after this post–I kind of want one now.

    Thanks for making me laugh and for the kickass breakdown.

  20. ROFLMAO! That was so hilarious! Just wanted to say that. I’m feeling too lazy to point out every single line that ROCKED. I mean cuz, it was pretty much EVERY line. Love you guys almost as much as Matlock and Werthers.

  21. Hey Moon,

    It’s good to see someone stalks this place in the middle of the night besides just me. 🙂 I work late and the workplace “frowns” on extra-curricular web browsing, so I only read when I’m pretty sure I can’t get caught! I absolutely love this site an what you and UC put together. Thanks for the daily belly laughs!

  22. best breaking-it-down ever! and thanks for mentioning the awkward scream – i thought it was just me.

  23. anyone know the song that starts playing at 1:08??? i love it already and have no clue how to find out what it is.

  24. LMAO ladies – EPIC!

    The scream kills us – Amy calls it pig squeal.

    Just wondering how come Bella’s post-drowning cross eyes didn’t come up?
    Think back to Edward sucking out the venom after James bit her in number 1, yes it’s ‘zactly the same!

    Oops… OK, yes, perhaps I have watched Twilight AND this trailer a tad too often.
    * reddens and backs away from keyboard *

  25. […] a Fantasy Sequence? Moon: Ok how about this one… bella does deep squats in her dream on top of the sleep number UC: now.. did you read the caption here? cuz it says “kristen stewart kneels on bed used in […]

  26. Let me just tell you that this made my day.
    I was laughing so hard.

    I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be Ben.
    I wish they would have had him in the first movie so we’d have SOME clue, but i don’t think that’s the guy that played Eric.

    Haha [to the jessica fro], Kay Stew is dedicated like that.
    && we love her for it.

    *grabs Werther’s*

  27. […] is, at times, one dimensional. Happy Bella doesn’t always seem too far off from sad Bella (minus the painful orgasms or sore back from the wrong sleep number) And don’t get me started on how I feel about Chris Weitz. Some of the reviewers honestly […]

  28. […] this Dreamcatcher you know that it absolutely doesn’t work and will more than likely give you sudden onset orgasms at night: […]

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