Kristen Stewart in Bella’s new wig!

Oh crap, those were real scissors

Oh crap, those were real scissors

Dear Eclipse Wig Dept,

Since Eclipse started filming last week and no one’s seen Kristen Stewart in her new Bella get-up everyone’s been well: wigging out. Heh. Clearly fans have been flipping out since they saw Kstew’s Runaways hair and wondered what the crap you were going to do with it for Eclipse. Wigs? Tracks? A weave? Extensions?! The mind spins with options! Ok, maybe that’s the 2 “big girl” drinks I just had, but spinning none the less.

So maybe we weren’t so kind to your New Moon counterparts a few months ago when we saw poor Jackson in that god awful poodle wig that was designed for Jasper. I still shudder even now when I see it and don’t know if I’ll be able to overcome it when I’m watching the movie, but well, I guess that’s something you have to live with and not me. Just don’t be surprised if I have Vietnam style flashbacks during the premiere anytime Jasper is on screen. But anyhow, what I’m now currently worrying about is what Bella’s wig will look like. I know we all let out a collective gasp and clutched our throats when we saw that KStew up and got crazy and cut herself a mullet for Runaways filming (you guys more than us I’m sure). Cause now you have to deal with that dead raccoon on her head and turn it into beautiful Bella hair. Sucks to be you all. BUUTT since we’re professional bloggers and total Twilight nerds around here, we’re here to help and I’ve got a few suggestions that just might work for The Great Mullet Fiasco of 09…

Since we’re in a recession and Jacob is now a werewolf you won’t need his old wigs, so why not reuse that for Bella’s wig? Almost the same color, just curl it up a little and presto long hair! We’re in a recessional yall and we all know how Summit likes to save a few clams so WIN WIN!
bellajacobwig bellajacobwig02

And since we’re talking about re-using why not try out the old Jasper poodle wig?! What, Bella’s not blond? Who cares, make her squirm a little for cutting it all off.
bellajasperwig

Follow the cut to see some more AWESOME wigs!
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This Cosmic Love – Edward and Bella

Dear Edward and Bella,

Sometimes words can adequately explain why your love story is so great. So words like cosmic seem like the only thing that can come near to explaining something so big, so strong and all encompassing. When Calli sent this video over I knew somehow someone had tapped into just a little once of truth regarding you two. The video features the song “Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine and I really can’t think of a better way to state the good, the bad and the lovely about you two. I was so intrigued by the term cosmic that I wanted to see the full extent of the term and here’s what good ol Merriam Webster had to say on the subject:

Cosmic
1 a
: of or relating to the cosmos, the extraterrestrial vastness, or the universe in contrast to the earth alone b : of, relating to, or concerned with abstract spiritual or metaphysical ideas
2 : characterized by greatness especially in extent, intensity, or comprehensiveness

Yea, I think that about sums it up…
Themoonisdown

PS big thanks to the lovely, radical, funny Calli

What words would you use to describe Bella and Edward?

Follow the cut to read the lyrics
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Stuff we like other than Twilight

cupcakeUC

Multi-task: Drive, Eat Cupcake, Take picture

Dear LTTers,

It’s the weekend, so you know what that means- we go have actual lives. We post short, sweet, simple posts & say “see ya Monday!” Cuz we like stuff other than Twilight. I know it’s hard to believe. But seriously. We do.

Now in the past 9 months we may not have had much time for stuff other than Twilight, but that doesn’t mean we don’t like it.

For example, I like:

  • Cupcakes
  • Kittens & grown-up cats
  • Harry Potter
  • Rob Pattinson
  • Going out to eat

Since this is Friday while I’m writing this, tonight, after work, (are you shocked that I blog at work?) I’m going home to pet my 2 cats, eat the rest of the Oreo cupcake my husband brought me home yesterday (aww!), go out to eat with a few friends and then see the late showing of Harry Potter at the Imax theatre. See? I’m well-rounded.

I asked Moon for a few things she likes besides Twilight. She said:

  • Music
  • Hello Kitty
  • Traveling

I’m pretty sure her weekend plans involve her grabbing her Hello Kitty pillow, hopping on a plane & heading up to some show in Vancouver. Why Vancouver? Well, it’s been like 13 days since she last saw Rob, and I think she’s dying.

But what I really wanted to show you was something I love other than Twilight, but is still Twilight related cause… well, we do run a Twilight Blog.

We both loved the movie “500 Days of Summer.” Hopefully you’ve seen it cause it rules. But in case you haven’t, here is the Trailer…. well, kinda…..

Go see 500 Days of Summer immediately if you haven’t yet. I wanna be Zooey Deschanel when I grow up.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

See the REAL 500 Day of Summer trailer after the jump! Continue reading

Some suggestions for New Moon

Dear Chris Weitz,

I know you’re knee-deep in New Moon editing & have probably come across some scenes that are just “lacking” something- they need a little pizazz (and I’m talking about something more than a dance off between Newton & Yorkie in the cafeteria- although that would rule- thank me in the credits)

As a professional vampire blogger, I’ve spent way too much time watching Twilight, studying the art of Catherine Hardwicke’s directing (ahem) & making fun of things that suck, so I have some suggestions on how to ensure your movie provides us countless things to “break down” in the months following its release.  You may have to hire some new people and bring a few principle actors back in to shoot a few new scenes, but trust- it’ll be worth it.

Recreating “Spider-Monkey”

jailbait
Psst Kristen, watch out! Chris Hansen is coming for you

I know you’re not as quirky as the cougar & may want to keep the line writing in the hands of the screen-writer, but I think you can trust your young actors with no writing experience to pick their own lines. Catherine let Rob choose the wonderful line “hold on tight, spider monkey,” and look how well that went over with fans. So I think you should let Taylor choose a line this time around. You can just bring him in the studio for some audio overdubs & have Jacob say one of the following to Bella right before the almost kiss (Oh by the way, if that’s not an almost kiss, you might wanna hold on to the family jewels. Cuz someone will cut them off if you let that kiss happen)

“Hold on tight you little puppy”
“I’m gonna lick you now”
“FETCH… my lips”
“Arizona, how you likin’ my lips girl?”
“I just wanna try one thing…. Sit. Good Bella”

The Mike Newton Shine

danceoff

Newton & Yorkie dance off Take 1

I hope the reason you decided to switch from Catherine’s gray & blue Forks world to a vibrant warm brown-toned one was because the blue grays couldn’t contain the joy Mike Newton brings to the screen.  For New Moon, I highly suggest even more Newton & Yorkie screen time. Bring them back into the studio. Maybe you can incorporate a scene of banter between just them- perhaps a discussion on who has the better rack- Rosalie Hale or Jessica Stanley. And Chris, don’t disappoint- If we don’t hear Mike say “You’re alivveeee” with his famous Newton fist shake every time he sees Bella walk into Newton Outfitters looking like depressed death, I’m gonna demand my money back. Mike is kinda a dumb jock (minus the jock part) and obviously doesn’t know how to be sensitive about the depression Bella is in, so he needs to be unintentionally insensitive. Why not throw in a “Arizona- How you likin’ your tears, girl?”

The new Buttcrack in Town

RIP Buttcrack Santa vs.   Tequila Tom

You really need to give your audience a reason to connect with a character. Catherine did this perfectly with the introduction of Buttcrack Santa.  Sadly, that connection was cut short with his unfortunate death while singing a song about mama making a kitty ‘meow.’  Who’s gonna be the one who connects with us this time around? I’ll tell you who- Tequila Tomás- the Mexican immigrant who serves as an uber stereotypical character (cuz Mike Newton, the handsome white boy who holds a basketball and hits on the new girl, isn’t stereotypical enough)

Catherine kicked us off with a stereotypeHer ‘creepy guy who volunteers as Santa during the holidays in hopes that the teenage girls sit on his lap in short skits’ was okay, but Tequila Tomás, the only Mexican in a town of 3,120 who serves as the local landscaper, bus boy at the diner AND plays in a Mariachi band every other Friday night down at the VFW, is the way to go.  I have a really good feeling about his ability to connect with the audience.

I’m not exactly sure what the storyline should be. Maybe Bella goes to the diner alone & he comes over to clear her plate and looks in her eyes and says “Bella,” and she takes it as a sign that he’s the one who will listen to her sorrows. When in fact he was just being a creepy older guy and telling her she was “bella”- beautiful in Spanish.  But they bond & he offers to trim her bushes for free (again Bella misinterprets) & a friendship begins.  Of course you’ll need to kill him off- this will really ensure we connect with poor Tequila Tomás. Maybe he can die an ironic death after binge drinking tequila when he realizes Bella isn’t falling for him- or perhaps you don’t kill him off & just help us sympathize with him. Maybe he loses a leg in a lawn mower accident.  I’m not sure what’s a better storyline- let Taylor, with his new-found screenwriting abilities, make that decision.

Just a couple tips from an experienced vampire blogger to help you finalize New Moon. You’re welcome. All I ask in return is that you slip Moon & I a few tickets to the premiere in November & slip me a certain someone’s hotel room….. (I’ve always liked Mariachi bands…..)

Love,
UnintededChoice

Make up funny jokes about Tequila Tomas on The Forum
Call Moon a Rob-ulance over on LTR

Screenshots via LionandLambLove
Buttcrack Santa & Tequila Tomas from my personal collection (aka google image)

Cullen Boys action with a little Riley on the side…

Dear Boys,

It’s about time we devoted more of this blog to someone besides those two Robsten losers. A little too much plaid and sad and not enough HOT these days. So when I saw these pics of you lads today on Just Jared I about had a heart attack for a couple reasons cause well a. you’re all hot sauce in these and b. Jackson has a new doo and I gotta say it looks marvy. So marvy that I ran over to the forum to celebrate with the Jax lovers who congregate there. Don’t worry Jackson, UC may think you look like you have an addiciton to the bad stuff but I still love you. Maybe if you wrote an impromtu song for her about how you are a proud D.A.R.E graduate she might change her mind.

In any case I was perusing through these pics and noticed you were all carrying bags or food of some kind so let’s ponder what you guys ate today shall we? PSST This is really just a ploy for me to post these pics so we can all drool over them together. Let’s get started!

Eat your heart out Kristen Stewart, I could have been your Edward. Your lose!

Eat your heart out Kristen Stewart, I could have been your Edward. Your lose! Enjoy the plaid sandwich!

So clearly Jackson is the healthy eater of the bunch, probably got a 6in (that’s what she said) sub from the 7 under 7 grams of fat menu. Or maybe he’s giving the bird to production for making him wear that wig and went for the meatball sammy. Whatever it is, keep rocking that hot ass doo and maybe once this whole twi thing’s over Subway will dump that Jared guy and hire you as their new spokeswhore. Your commercial should be you riding a vintage motorcycle eating a Subway sammy saying “Eat at Subway and you can look like me! NOT!” and then you peel out and pop a wheely. Just a concept… we can iron out the details later.

No where to run to baby... no where to hiiiide!

No where to run to baby... no where to hiiiide!

Where ya running to Xavier? Got some leftover orange chicken from Panda Express you need to get in the mini fridge before it spoils? Yup, I feel ya… nothing like some shizzy fake chinese food to cure a hang over the next morning.

how YOU doin'?

how YOU doin'?

Is that a Zara bag I spy, Kellan? You just got 5 extra cool points from me, I love that store! So obviously you’re a manarexic since you have no food in your hands like the other boys and instead opted to shop. I know, ya gotta look good in that Emmett velor  track suit and can’t be worried about any unsightly orange chicken bulges. It’s hard to hide spanx under velor, I know.

So anyway I hope you’ll forgive our incessant coverage of Robsten 09 now that I’ve written to you and we’ll keep doing so as long as you keep bring the HOT. And the take out.

Love your faces!
Themoonisdown

Get down to the facts with UC over at Letters to Rob
Celebrate your love of the Cullen boys at the forum!

Unicorns: Where’ve ya been?

Rob-icorn

Rob-icorn

Dear Unicorns,

Oh where oh where have you been? Are you in unicorn land poking all the hottest female unicorns with your horn? It’s been so long since we’ve come across one of you reading Twilight to your son on a plane or wearing an Edward Cullen T-shirt to the gym. We miss you. Come back & visit us. Be like these guys:

Not Proper Twitiquette (but possibly okay during a Unicorn Drought)

A few weeks ago, I was at the local grocery chain, doing my weekly shopping. On my way out the door, I crossed paths with what I could only describe as a walking cry for help. A middle-aged, nerdy, rather-greasy man walked into the store, displaying his Twi-love for all to see. He wore a black Edward t-shirt, complete with quote, “What if I’m the bad guy?” His wife, walking in beside him, strangely had no Twi-gear on (unless she also keeps her Edward pin affixed to her bra). As you discussed, THIS is not proper Twitiquette. -Ldawg

Jacob’s into cars n’ stuff

Onto my Unicorn-in-Training story. After many months of plotting, I was finally able to convince my hub to just give the first book a try. Oh, it took many discussions on the merits of a teen, vampire romance as a metaphor for first love, forbidden fruit, all the rest. And a promise of some…erm…reward at the end if he finished it.

So, it was slow-going at first, but to my surprise, he actually seemed to be enjoying it; to the point when at night if I tried to talk to him in bed he told me, “honey, I need to read a bit.” Wow! Occasionally I’d get questions like, “What is Bella’s problem? One day she’s mooning over Edward, the next she’s pissed at him!” I even got, “Are they going to do more with Jacob in the others books? I really like how he’s into cars and stuff.”

When he finished the book, we had a truly meaningful discussion on it, and although he told me not to get my hopes up, he said he’s actually interested to see what happens next! Am I a lucky gal or what?! –Ldawg

Read more after the jump Continue reading

A Letter to Stephenie Meyer – Love, LTT

Sassy Steph

Sassy Steph

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

Yesterday, while UC was working diligently, enriching people’s lives by conning them into buying overpriced hot tubs (fine-she wasn’t.. she was reading 750 updates in her google reader all related to Twilight- you caught her), and Moon was in her bed on the west coast dreaming of Edward, UC came across your latest website update. This line jumped out at her:

So that’s my “How I Spent My Summer.” I hope you guys had a really good time this summer, and found some great stuff of your own. I love this world full of stories and songs waiting to be discovered! And I also love you, the awesome Twilight (and maybe a few Hosts, too) fandom. I stalk your websites all the time—you guys are hilarious (I recently added LTT to my stalk list; thanks for the laugh lines, ladies). I’m looking forward to seeing some of you in November for a little movie release that I’m excited about. Too many months to go!

Um… you mean OUR LTT?! OUR LETTERS TO TWILIGHT?!

steph-hot

milfy Steph

After she stopped freaking out, read through the gazillion emails, twitter replies and texts she started receiving congratulating us on becoming “Goddesses'” (seriously, those words were used. And we’re not complaining- cuz we’ve thought of ourselves as  Goddesses for quite some time) she started texting Moon to wake her up from a dazzle induced coma to share the good news. At 630AM. Ahem. Moon has never jumped out of bed that quick and hit send on the phone. Poor UC had to hear her yell “SHUT UP” about 10 tens before we could properly discuss this turn of events.  After hanging up, Moon contemplated running a victory lap around her neighborhood shouting at the top of her lungs “WE HAVE ARRIVED,” but she got winded at the neighbors house and had to take a breather. So we reigned it in, cause we can’t be having a fangirl freak out too hard on a Monday morning. Especially on a day where we posted a comic about anal and a totally fake account of Moon being Rob’s fake fiance, in detail. Uh, WHOOPS! But such is life writing for LTT/LTR.

So of course what did we decide to do? What else?  We decided to pen a letter to you, of course, this is LETTERS to Twilight after all, welcoming you to our little world. We have the following things to say:

1. We hope you understand all the stuff we’ve written on here and we’re sorry. For everything we’ve ever said (except for all the stuff about Buttcrack Santa, cuz seriously? That shiz was messed up. Let us in on the secret, what was The Cougar Cathy drinking?) But seriously, we love this saga! Clearly.

2. We love you. But can we ask you one teeeeensy favor? Can you publish the rest of Midnight Sun, we’re kind of under a deadline for some New Years Resolutions we made… and there are people who want us to fail!

3. You need to pledge the LTT Sorority: Wanna Tapa Vampa! There’s nothing like running around a high school in a wool pea coat to show your true devotion. Yea, it’s summer in Phoenix, Moon knows all about that, but it’s gotta be easier than driving from NYC to Forks in a Volvo WHILE making homemade mushroom ravioli, right? We may have lost the “bake off” to the Sisterhood, but we’ll get em in the end!

4. Twilight Tattoos – We’ve got an appointment next week to get our matching tattoos inspired by Twilight and well, there’s always room for one more! Whattya say? Explaining to your husband why you have a Buttcrack Santa tribute tatt in your bicep or a Charlie Swan cop stache tatt on your finger is half the fun! Just tell him “That’s Normal!”

5. Can you introduce us to Rob? You know… cuz, he seems nice and all….

6. This doesn’t change a thing…. Sure, we may cringe a little more since we know you might read when we’re honest, in one of our Twilosophy sessions, about something you wrote, or when we complain about WHY in the world you didn’t hit a certain director over the head when she allowed the line “spider monkey” to infiltrate your beautiful story, but we’re not gonna stop saying it. We are who we are. We love the world you built in all it’s beauty and imperfections. And we’re gonna venture to guess that might be why you like reading us though.

Now that we have that out of the way, a belated Welcome to LTT!

By the way, how did you find us?

Welcome to our little corner of the Twi-world,
UnintendedChoice & Themoonisdown

Debunk Robsten with us at Letters to Rob
Wanna talk it out? Head over to the forum!

Since obviously the entire world needs to know SMeyer stalks US, we’ve decided to create a few new graphics that we’ll incorporate into our blog.  After the cut, take our poll & decide which one we should go with
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