Edward Cullen, Vampire or Insurance Salesman?

Dear Twilight Marketers/advertisers/designers-

Some new movie posters and corresponding photos from the same shoot have recently come out and while I’m excited about the New Moon I couldn’t help but think these pictures don’t really make me think Edward and Bella, vampire and high school girl. They make me think quite different things… just so you know here’s my exact thoughts on the new posters and pics…


Edward Cullen, certified Realtor. Specializes in family homes and hard-to-sell properties. He’s got an amazing split level Ranch with a pool in Sheboygan priced to move! Who wouldn’t buy a home from this guy?

Bella Swan, high school guidance counselor. Her door’s always open for misfits and newly arrived out-of-towners. Ms. Swan won the Washington Teacher’s Golden Apple award for most empathetic and mostly likely to cry right along with her students.

Edward Cullen, attorney at Law. Partner at Cullen, Cullen and Meyer, Edward is a ruthless lawyer and a killer in the courtroom. Best known for his tweed jackets and surprise witnesses. Case closed!

Bella Swan,  employee at Forever 21. Enjoys a cheaply made sundress and would LOVE to start a dressing room for you while you continue to shop. Don’t forget all sales are final!

Edward Cullen news anchor and cohost of Good Morning Sheboygan! Can’t stand his cohost Rosalie Hale but loves to interview eye witnesses and waking up at 3am! Back to you Edward!

Bella Swan, newest Suicide Girl (nsfw)… her Suicide name is Swan Lake, clearly.
Into: slutty tank tops, Heathcliff, vampires, guys on motorcycles
Occupation:  resident piercer at Forks Tattoos and Piercings

So as you can see, people in charge of creating this stuff, I’m not exactly sure the true essence of B ella and Edward is coming across because Edward looks like a middle aged dude into “sports jackets” and Bella is a sad, maybe-slut.

Can’t wait to see the Jacob posters and pictures! What will be be? Altar boy? Bagger at Whole Food? Bring it on!

Which one’s your favorite?

109 Days!

PS UC went to see Bobby Long… she talks about it at Letters to Rob!
Discuss it in the forum! Gonna see Bobby Long and Marcus in LA? So am I! Go to the meet up section!
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Source Twicrack via Edward and Bella

34 Responses

  1. ROFL! I totally see it!! hahahaha.
    As always, a totally hilar post!
    Love you chicas 🙂

    P.S. While those pics are not exactly portraying “teen girl” and “hottie vamp” (well, they do portray “hottie”), the ones of Robward sure are fun to look at. Especially as a desktop background . . . waiting for things to load . . . Just sayin’.


  2. I like brown LaPush-wolfpack colour scheme for NM movie, but not for the Cullens, they all looked great in grey and blue and green.

    Edward in tweed: no thank you, I prefer him in jeans.

    There is something I don’t understand: Rob was gorgeous on the set photos
    and on promo photos he looks 10 yrs older. WHY? He is supposed to be 17 !!!!

    At least he looks like Rob, not some alien with enlarged and disfigured chin.

    I can imagine that: Late night with Robert Pattinson, live from London! Tonight at 10 p.m. on BBC5.

    Kristen is cute on these photos, just a little sad as she is supposed to be.

    • He does look older – this was my first thought upon seeing these pics. Still way hot, but definitely not 17 anymore.

    • he went from hottie 17 yr old experienced and cool junior to crotchety 38 yr old news anchor. what the crap?!

  3. Washington Teacher’s Golden Apple should have been Washington Teacher’s Golden Onion award. Was that to random?

    • nah they used to give out the golden/silver apple awards to teachers in the city i grew up in so i just used it for this. i thought of the golden onion too!

  4. Sheboygan….that’s just fun to say. I’ve always wanted to move to Sheboygan just so I can say it all the time. Either there or Schenectady…

  5. I decided today while babysitting/brainwashing my little cousin, trading the bratz dollz youtube vids I should have been watching with her for twilight photoshoot vids that Kstew is just not as pretty as she was back in the twilight days.
    these photos are just blah, i dunno maybe its the face shes pulling…she used to look so much prettier and just girlier I guess I cant figure it out.. these photos do nothing for her or the character Bella who is meant to be doe eyes and innocent!!

    • i think they purposely told her we want SAD kristen, give us sad, pathetic, lonely, you just lost the love of your life. NOW GO… yes PERFECT!

  6. Yet another hilar post! hahahaha. Edward the ruthless lawyer, I’m a fan! Personnally I think laward has this little tormented side to him.

    July 20, 2017.
    Edward Cullen, attorney at Law, is the son of Carlisle Cullen, who was executed by lethal injection on May 31 2010, for the violent murder of the Pattinson Pants Lady. The latter subject received various threats from Cullen senior for making his son’s life a living hell. However, only months later, evidence revealed that the victim herself was responsible for the Pattinson cuts in her upper legs and more private body parts. Haunted by the state’s taking of the innocent life of his father, Edward is now a Pro Deo attorney, defending the rights of those abandoned by society.

    • “Edward is now a Pro Deo attorney, defending the rights of those abandoned by society. ”

      of course he would be! hahaha

  7. I like the new pics, but I’m with you guys on the sportcoat. Wardrobe could have put him in something different b/c the sportcoat just adds to the “older” look. Maybe that’s what they were going for, idk. I am glad that he looks like Rob and not someone who has had facial reconstructive surgery. Am I the only one who likes the “Bella” pics? Mr. Holly even said she looked slutty, and nothing is ever slutty enough for him.

  8. LOVE this moon.
    dude.. if he was my Realtor………i’d buy anything… as long as he showed me where the bedroom was..

  9. Seriously…what is up with the tweeeeeeeeeed? It kinda makes me feel allergic.

  10. So funny, Moon! You’ve written everything I was thinking only significantly more comical.

    I for one am not complaining about the speed in which Summit is churning the movies out because these kids are aging rapidly.

  11. Okay, about the coat. I realise that maybe I have put far too much thought into this, but has anyone else noticed that he basically wears the same thing through almost the entire movie? He has his little suit on with his fricken hot ass blue shirt for the birthday scene, then he breaks up with her, in the same suit, then, if you notice during his angsty strip tease at the end, he’s removing said shirt. So, what is that? Is he just so devistated that he never changes clothes for seven months? Is he like that crazy bride in Great Expectations? That’s some serious commitment to pain right there. Bella is running around the forest with wolves, riding bikes and going to the movies. Meanwhile, poor Ed won’t even change out of the clothes he wore when he saw her last. Aw, I kinda like that suit now!

  12. That amount of makeup on Rob in the first image is rediculous.

  13. Love the post, hilarious! And I agree with most of it. He DOES look kind of .. wrong ..
    But still hot as hell. He can sell me his houses anyday!

  14. I am so with you! And doubly impressed that you know Bella would make an excellent Suicide Girl! More impressed that you know who the Suicide Girls are…

    I think the wardrobe was WRONG! Rob already looks way older than 17, so a tweed jacket makes him look 30. Which, by the way is fine with me. At least I don’t feel so wrong for lusting over him if he looks my age…and I’d buy a house from Realtor Rob.

  15. I don’t understand why they put “Bella” in a tank top. In the books, when Bella is looking for something to wear to a special occasion, she chose a long skirt (which screams Mormon) and some sort of blouse. I never, ever pictured Bella in a tank top. Her character seems too insecure for that… like she’d feel she was showing too much skin. If you simply MUST have her in a tank top, why a spaghetti strap?


  16. I definitely see High School Girl when I look at that first Bella picture. Under it I see “Most Likely To Post Stoner Porn On The Interwebs” under it though.

  17. I live about 10 minutes away from Sheboygan…and let me tell you…I would wake up early every morning to watch the news if we had Rob as an anchor! 🙂

  18. Bella looks so different compared to Twilight. BFF who thought Bella wasn’t pretty in the first movie, now thinks she is from the NM preview.

  19. hahaha hillarious!!!! i think bella’s gorgeous. period.

  20. i love edward cullen he is fit as f###k hehehehe

  21. OMFG i can totes see the one w/ edward where hes a ‘lawyer’! lmfao!!

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