Twilight Word Vomit: A TwiVomit

Dear Twilight,

So much has been going on lately and I’m having Twilight overload in my brain and all the processing my mind is doing of the new information is coming out in the form of a major word vomit- A Twi-vomit if you will:

twilightgoogle1.   Twilight Google

Finally!  I’ve been looking for the perfect place to learn how to have sex with vampires. My search is now over! A perfectly useless web search “powered by google” but worse than google is the answer! (I did a quick calculation and if you figure $10 for the domain registration, plus the hosting fees & all the time it took to create, I’d say this was a waste of time and a waste of a the perfect amount of money for which one could buy 3 – 3 1/2 cupcakes.)

New-Moon-Rachelle_l2.   Rachelle hugs a Rob pillow

Hi. You’re gorgeous. I wish we could be friends. And secondly, that Rob pillow? That’s brilliant. I love the irony in you holding it tight. The only thing that would have been more amazing is if Rob had held it. Or no- Kristen- If they shot Kristen kissing the Rob pillow- Brilliant.

kellanlutzhobo3.   Kellan- The RastifariaHobo

Dude! Moon didn’t share this piece of info with you all during her Comic-Con recap because she had “pacifico regret,” but she sent me a picture of a guy she danced with to Thriller on the dance floor of the Irish pub and later played tonsil hockey with outside of the bar*, AND IT WAS THIS GUY! Kellan dressed-up!!!!!!!! I mean.. I think. The picture she sent had a guy like this.. uh, his hair may have been longer… and he wasn’t in a thrift-store looking peacoat… and his ski cap was kinda different. Oh never mind. I shouldn’t have said anything….

truebloodtwilight4.   Stephen Moyer from True Blood calls Edward Cullen a “pussy” (and he doesn’t mean a cat)

Um. I love you Bill Compton, I do. But I love Edward Cullen more. Cuz Edward doesn’t do it with his girl after climbing naked out of a hole in the ground. Edward doesn’t sleep in the ground. Edward doesn’t sleep. And wait! The whole point of this word vomit was to talk about how LAMMMEEEE it is that people are comparing True Blood and Twilight and asking Stephen Moyer what he thinks of Edward Cullen in the first place. They are NOT the same. Twilight is NOT a vampire story. I don’t even like vampires! So Stephen, I heart you as Bill, and Rob, I heart you as Rob (oh and as Edward). End of story.

volturi5. The new Volturi picture leaked

And I’m not posting it but have instead included this cartoon of the Volturi that looks like a Weasley twin, two Snapes & a Malfoy for your viewing pleasure (you can see the real photo here) If you want to know my real opinion on the Volturi (of course you do) I’m lovin’ it. No… I didn’t get out my copy of New Moon (because I’m going to hear Bobby Long perform tonight in Philly and I have it packed for him to sign) to check and see if they look anything like Stephenie’s descriptions because, gosh, I don’t care that much! I just want them to look scary to increase my viewing experience- AND THEY DO! Moon thinks Marcus looks like “death personified” while I think he looks a little like “Count Von Count” from Sesame Street (who scared the crap out of me when I was a child- so good job, Summit!) Moon thinks that Aro looks sooo much like Legolas’ uncle from Lord of the Rings and Alec looks like a kid in her neighborhood she wants to punch. I agreed with The Danger Magnet’s comparision of Alec and Zac Efron- Vampfron we’ll call him. And no one can deny that Caius is clearly the ghey vampire. And I’m shocked- Jane looks amazing. I thought she’d pull it off, but not that well! Great job Chris Weitz! Another thing I’m in love with you for: CountVamp, ElvenVamp, Vampfron, GayVamp and HotUnderageVamp!

Bryce Dallas Howard6. Bryce Dallas Howard to replace Rachelle Lefevre as Victoria

Moon & I may have heard a rumor due to a facebook friend earlier yesterday that a new actress was going to play the role of “Victoria” in Twilight. We thought, “Um, that’s odd. Since Rachelle is Victoria.” But not so much. Bryce Dallas Howard is apparently taking over the role of Victoria for Eclipse.  “They” say that Rachelle has a scheduling conflict, but I’m gonna bet $5 that she’s preggers. Because nobody and I mean nobody does a Paul Giamatti movie over a Robert Pattinson movie**

Vomit over,


Did Moon blow your mind over on LTR today? I bet she did

Talk about Rachelle’s possible ‘baby bump’ over on The Forum

Thanks for Lauren from Lauren’s Bite for inspiring this word vomit-style blog post x

42 Responses

  1. i was totally about to say that rachelle was getting replaced! But then, i saw it there. Haha. I’m going to miss her!!! I can’t believe she didn’t say anything at Comic-Con, she was there for the twilight screening right? A 😦

  2. No way Rachelle is leaving! it’s just going to be bizarre to have someone different playing Victoria. Love Bryce DH though, hope she makes up for the sudden change.

  3. “…a Weasley twin, two Snapes, and a Malfoy…”

    And that, my friend, is the BEST thing you have ever written. Hands down.

    p.s. I may or may not like Twilight. But Eric (on True Blood) is my boyfriend. Just ask “Janetrigs.”

  4. Is Rachelle really pregnant ?
    She looked so enthusiastic in comic con. Will we ever know the truth?

    “They” say that Rachelle has a scheduling conflict, but I’m gonna bet $5 that she’s preggers. Because nobody and I mean nobody does a Paul Giamatti movie over a Robert Pattinson movie**

    True that.

  5. I may or may not have clicked on the Twilight Google link. “Fast, beautiful search. Just like Edward.”? I would have gone with “You can Google it” but that’s just because I thought about it for more than three seconds.

    • and if it were possible, they would add that “you can google it” sound byte every time the page opened. you should have been commissioned!

  6. That picture of Edward on Twilight Google? “Special”. I guess he looks scary, which would kinda be the point. But he looks deformed as fuck. Bleh.

    And I’m kinda shocked upon hearing about Victoria. I like Rachelle a lot. But then, really, it’s not a big role, so whatevs. Although if we start talking about recasting, I’ve got a few suggestions for Summit, now that they’ve shown that they’re willing to do it…

  7. I applaud Rachelle for leaving… I mean I’d want to leave right before I get killed off too! It’s so soap opera… maybe she’s really just upstairs for a bit and will come down a few months later and will have aged 20 years. Oh wait, vampires don’t age… oh well… I’m sure the new girl will be just as effective when she dies. As long as Rob doesn’t die, does anyone really care? LOL!

  8. Thank you for this nifty guide:


    I would have been highly confused without it.

    PS *hope Simba thought you were nuts for bringing him the new moon to sign.
    **I am bringing my ciggy box for him to sign (actually, no lie I am)

  9. I was gonna mention that the quad should do a breakdown of the Volturi photo that came out this week!

    “but she sent me a picture of a guy she danced with to Thriller on the dance floor of the Irish pub and later played tonsil hockey with outside of the bar*, AND IT WAS THIS GUY! Kellan dressed-up!!!!!!!!”

    Epic! I’m sure TMZ caught that!

  10. *false

    HaHA Ha!

  11. Yeah, I saw online this morning that she is being replaced by Bryce. I only hope that she can play the role as well as Rachelle.

  12. This post = pure win

    Anyone else think that the pillow isn’t the best pic of rob?

  13. “Another thing I’m in love with you for: CountVamp, ElvenVamp, Vampfron, GayVamp and HotUnderageVamp!”

    LMFAO!! This is why I read this blog.

  14. “They” say that Rachelle has a scheduling conflict, but I’m gonna bet $5 that she’s preggers. Because nobody and I mean nobody does a Paul Giamatti movie over a Robert Pattinson movie**

    ahem…i do believe that you guys were betting a whole $10 last night on this, not $5 😉

  15. Great post, this made me LOL from start to finish.

    And am glad I wasn’t the only one who wondered if Rachelle’s pregnant. 😉 Seriously, I wasn’t happy to receive the news that Rachelle was being replaced because as you said, she IS Victoria. Being pregnant is the only logical reason to replace her, imo.

  16. I think Bryce is a great actress (she is like the only redhead actress besides that girl from Mad Men I could think of), but I’m still hung up on Rachelle leaving. I have no idea why it bothers me so much, it’s like Geri leaving the Spice Girls and ruining my first concert all over again.

    ps. Thanks for not including the Volturi pic… it would have seriously interfered with my avoiding-New-Moon-spoilers-from-now-till-November pact with myself.

    • I really like bryce dallas howard too…
      when they said they were replacing victoria I was about ready to cut someone…
      but then they said it was going to be her and im slowly getting over it. At least they are replacing her with someone I actually like…

      • Yeah I’m there with you. I think I’m more upset about “breaking up” the Twilight family than I am about the fact that she is being replaced. I’ll miss her on the press tours and stuff!

  17. The pillow pic of Rob is not one of the better ones, but the Google one is, like the Twilight poster pic they used here in England – trust me, no-one would fancy him from those pix. Probably where the marfanism comments came from months ago.

    His sexy only comes over in the shoots he does for the various mags – where his modelling past comes into its own.

    And Rachelle – that’s a shame if it’s true.

    • It’s true, it’s like he’s a different person in those photoshoots for mags. Holy goodness, Vanity Fair?? THATS when I noticed him, all bronzey, golden, gorgeous and smoldering!

  18. “..a Weasley twin, two Snapes & a Malfoy” GOLD. LMAO.
    and yes, Rachelle IS Victoria. I’m very sad but If it was her decision I wish her all the best.

  19. Can you really buy a half cupcake?**


    Just in case you needed a guide!

    Post was so good I had to read it again!

  20. I just need to talk about this somewhere – can’t on my facebook, now, can I? 😉

    Have you guys seen Rachelle’s statement? It absolutely BREAKS my heart that they did this to her. She said it herself that she was committed to this and that the 2 movies’ schedules only had a 10 day overlap. This is bullshit.

    What a shitty, shitty company, I can’t believe they did this to her.

  21. NOOOO! i like rochelle as victoria. i just saw this news on e!

  22. I. Am. Livid.

    I hate those Summit bastards, how could they do this to Rachelle!??! has a post about how Rachelle was stunned and that it was out of the blue, happened really quick..
    I feel so bad for her.

    Maybe enough emails and petitions will get Rachelle back..if that’s even possible.
    Here’s hoping.. *fingers crossed

  23. It sucks that Rachelle isn’t doing Eclipse no one can have hair like her. I’m guessing money was a big factor in this as it seems like the only thing Summit is interested in.
    However if she is knocked up I wonder who the father is?

  24. The truth will come out or show very soon. Thanks

  25. […] I just tweeted this: I just sold naked pics of Moon & GayVamp volturi guy to Perez for $50 plus a bag of cheetos. A girl’s gotta […]

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