My favorite part of the Twilight fandom: Clueless guys!

The latest uniform required for all nurses who work on the psych ward at the local hospital

The latest uniform required for all nurses who work on the psych ward at the local hospital

Dear LTTers- aka “expert” Twilight fans,

One of my favorite things is people who know nothing or very little about Twilight yet think they’re experts.  It is, of course, funny to laugh at their cute little mistakes “That Robert Patterson is so cute” and “I love that scene in the 4th book New Eclipse when Jasper, the wolf, shows up at their wedding,” but mostly I like to be 2nd-hand embarrassed at their lack of knowledge on proper Twi-etiquette (Twitiquette). True2Twilight recently sent us an observation she had while browsing at her local bookstore that perfectly explains my fascination with the less informed:

It seems that ever since Twilight has been a success there are tons of series’ about vamps (The Vampire Diaries, Vampire Kisses, Evermore, Blue Moon…wonder where that name came from). It’s really quite annoying. I refuse to read any of these series’ and stay loyal to Twilight. As I was leaving the bookstore an employee said “Have a nice day” to me and I almost burst out laughing because she had an Edward shirt on. Normally this wouldn’t be funny but she had to be at least fifty.

I don’t care if she was 19, that’s NOT proper Twitiquette. Clearly she was just a casual fan. No fan in the know with a true, deep obsession would actually wear their Edward shirt in public, let alone to work (Well, not unless it was ‘wear your most embarrassing shirt to work day’ or they were BEGGING to be posted on LetterstoTwilight as a featured 2nd-hand embarrassment!) It’s like how I threaten to dress up as Moaning Myrtle for every Harry Potter premiere. I’d do it. I’d embarrass those who sit on Harry Potter fansites 24/7. I’d star as THEIR 2nd-hand embarrassment, but you couldn’t PAY me to dress up like Bella or Alice or Mrs. Cope. And I’d never even ADMIT to owning a “I love boys who sparkle” pin, let alone wear it to see the movie. (I keep it close to my heart- pinned to my bra)

Nice Try hunny.... it's not the same with your gut hanging out though...

Nice Try hunny.... it's not the same with your gut hanging out though...

Even more than people with bad Twitiquette, I love men who try to get it, but just don’t. You know the type. They ask you what “Twilight Zone” book is your favorite and come to bed wearing fake fangs, thinking it’s the teeth that turn you on- not realizing that it’s actually a 108 year old vampire- Edward Cullen (and of course the guy who played him flawlessly- Robert Pattinson) I love these recent stories sent to me by LTT readers:

Jen shared:

So I went to see Transformers on Sat night with my friend Phil. And one of the previews was for New Moon. So of course I made some sort of sigh noise when shirtless Jacob came on screen. So at the end he morphs into the wolf and Phil leans over and asks, “Are you going to carry around a furry wolf doll in your purse too?” HAHA. I lost it!

Lisa told us:

On my Facebook homepage there was a “Which Twilight character are you?” quiz, so I casually asked my husband which character he thought I would be…his response? “The little Indian boy who turns into a fox” I about died laughing…but the funniest part? He was dead serious and thought that was an accurate description. Apparently my “turn your man into a unicorn” skills are lacking and I need to take the course again.

And a “mom who once had a life” e-mailed us, a little upset that we’ve kept her from going back to her life & sucked her into our LTT/LTR world, but also shared what her husband really thinks she’s up to:

I’m sorry ladies but I’m also one who has to keep you a secret guilty pleasure. Yes I’ve watched every video out there with the words Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. I’ve analyzed the expressions and the body language of said stars. I hunt for terms like RPatz, Robward, Robsten and curse the paps when they crowd my obsessions. When my husband tries to sit by me, I try to make it look innocent when I close my laptop. He thinks I’m secretly addicted to porn sites. In reality, I’m hunting through your archives for more things to make me LMAO. It’s getting difficult hiding my guilty giggles from the family. So I have to peek when no one’s home. Ughh. I’ve now become a LTR/LTT crack addict. I’m sending my rehab bill to you.

Will it ever get old? I’ll still laugh hysterically when I think of the first thing my husband ever said about Rob After explaining to him that Sam Bradley was a good friend of Robs, he said, in all seriousness, “I thought Victor Krum was his best friend?”

Aww! They’re so cute. Almost as cute as Twi-virgins, don’t you think? So cough it up- we know your guys have said the most insane things about Twilight. Share with all of us (and by “share” I mean save your second best story for the comments and e-mail us with the best ones so we can use them in a future post!)


set_RM_15_144Do you like this guy? Yeah, we thought so. Go read letters to him over on LettersToRob

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77 Responses

  1. “Normally this wouldn’t be funny but she had to be at least fifty.”
    As a dedicated Rob cougar I took offence and started to get all hissy………..
    then I read this:-
    “I don’t care if she was 19, that’s NOT proper Twitiquette.”
    I ❤ you UC…….for you age/gender/race/orientation is truely irrelevant it is all about Twilight and Rob, nothing else matters as long as we 'get it'.

    Love the post and am looking forward to everyones comments…..

  2. The hardest part of when I hear these little snafus is not correcting whomever the offender might be. I almost KILLS me to keep my mouth shut when somebody calls him Robert Patterson. This seems to happen a lot. I haven’t broken yet, but you can only push a girl so far…

    Unrelated to this post – I sucked my sister into the Twi Sisterhood. She’s 17 and has been resisting for quite sometime b/c she thinks of herself as a very mature 17 year old. She thinks it’s silly to get swept up in a ‘stupid vampire book’ like her 29 year old sister. Well, she took a hit of the TwiCrack three days ago and just finished New Moon and has since sucked in my mom and aunt. I’ll have lots of cute Twi Virgin quotes out of these three over the next few weeks. YAY! It’s like I’m losing it with them all over again. Oh, to be a virgin…

  3. “The Little Indian boy that turns into a fox” HAHAHAHA I died.

    My husband, bless his heart, was calling me the other day and for some reason (I swear I wasn’t just ignoring him) I didn’t answer. After about 4 unanswered calls he finally left me a hostile message. He said, I bet you’d answer if it was that Edward Diggory boy with the damn hair calling!!

  4. Ok, ok… I have a Twilight bag. My aunt works at Borders and bought it for me when I was having a bad week. It’s just the Cullen crest, not his face! I swear!

    So, determined not to let other people make me feel inferior because of my addiction, I used it as my beach tote. Now, to be fair… it’s made of durable nylon with a lined interior, so… come on, it’s perfect for the beach!

    I had a few moments of 1st hand embarrassment, but I kept my head held high! And when the stares came I attributed them to pure jealousy! …Right?

    • Oooohhhh!!!
      That’s fun, Ive the cullen crest keyring/bag charm which hangs off of my bag…It’s there as a discreet call out for OTHERS OF OUR KIND, so far no-one has called…….I think I’m the only Robsessed Twilight Fan in south-east Ireland…..Well some-one has to be first and lead the way……..


        Ha!!! That’s awesome. I have a Twilight keychain as well. Though I keep it on my non-Twibag. I like to keep the obsession evenly distributed through out my life.

        My family is from south-east Ireland! What town/city are you from (if you don’t mind my asking)?

        • I’m actually English but married my Irish man many moons ago and have lived in Carlow since 1999. We live in the country and whlie it rains a lot it’s very beautiful and gave my boys {now young men} a real fun childhood.

          • That’s so nice! Sounds like your sons are very fortunate. Even if their Mom is a huge Twifan. 😉

          • I LOVE Carlow…love, love, love it. Visited there in 1997. But my fave place in all of the Republic is Kinsale. I dream of it still…

            Please go eat some Flake for me, as I dream of it, too. As does Rob, I’m sure.

    • ::rolleyes::


  5. LOL!
    My mom gave me two Twilight related shirts. And I wore one to work. Because here at my office nobody knows anything about Twilight. They kept asking me who Bella was (my shirt said: move to forks, changed my name to Bella, act as a dangermagnet…so where is my Edward?)

    The other shirt I wore when I went to my inlaws. They kept asking me who Edward was (it said: Yes I am a mom, Yes I read Twilight, Yes I am in love with Edward…just don’t tell my husband)

    So now I sleep in these shirts so NOBODY can ask me question, even my bf .My kids are to young to read (LOL)
    I didn’t feel a 2ndHE . But now that I read this awesome post I feel the 2ndHE.
    (So….I will not tell about my costummade rob woodenshoe*)

    * i don’t owe a costummade rob woodenshoe (yet)

  6. Mine was when my now EX boyfriend decided to tell me his sparklepeen was better than Edwards.

    That was when we broke up.

  7. […] Love Twilight? Or just looking for other stuff with Rob in it? Head on over to Letters to Twilight! […]

  8. These are the few things my husband has uttered about Twilight:

    1. That dude is gay. (And by “that dude,” of course he means Robert Pattinson.)

    2. Following the prom scene in the movie–“Oh, like we’re not supposed to figure out that Jacob’s gonna be a wolf in the next movie. That was lame foreshadowing.” (This was said after “…and the wolves descend” remark.)

    3. He sounds like a cow bawling. (Upon hearing Robert Pattinson’s songs on the soundtrack.)

    4. If I changed my name to Edward would you fawn over me?

    5. That dude is gay.

    My husband rules, clearly.

  9. “No fan in the know with a true, deep obsession would actually wear their Edward shirt in public, let alone to work ”

    This is statement is SO right. One of my readers told me that I wasn’t a true fan b/c a true fan wouldn’t be embarrassed to wear an Edward t-shirt.

    Hello?? I spend 30% of my day thinking about Twilight and blogging about it. It’s because I’m NOT a casual fan that I can’t bear to wear such a shirt. I take Twilight too seriously, and wearing such a shirt in public would open up a can of worms if people ever asked me how I really feel about Twilight.

    Wow, I sound cuckoo.


    • I live in the country and that’s not cuckoo talk…. That’s Normal!!!!!
      I class myself a true fan and any and all merchandise I may or may not have is reverently packed in a special box in my room and only brought out in private………That’s Normal too…..

    • “This is statement is SO right. One of my readers told me that I wasn’t a true fan b/c a true fan wouldn’t be embarrassed to wear an Edward t-shirt.”

      Not a true fan? What? They are the cuckoo one…..

      That’s Normal!


    • Only 30%? Now, who’s a true fan? I ❤ you, btw.

      Ans you are SO right, along with those who point out that we need subtle clues to find others of "OUR KIND" because really, we don't want to be lumped with the rabid junkies. It's like we're all so serious about being completely unseriously twitarded we have to be careful of our reputations as sane, normal (not That's Normal) human beings.

      In public, anyway. The boards/comments section is a whole other story . . . .

      • My sons {yes I’m always talkng about them} know of my ‘little problem’ as they call it and they also know I hang here with you lovely ladies…….
        they DO NOT know my ‘code name’
        nor will they ever know my ‘code name’
        as the comments I leave here are not for their eyes…
        they think I’m a respectable Mum with a bit of a mid-life crush……
        they are soooo innocent……..

        • I’m going to have to come up with a code name b/c my name on here is just too close to my real name and my mom and sister visited the blog yesterday. There are defs some things I don’t want my family to see me post on here. Any ideas for a name?

          • Bunny Toast lol because your random avatar is so cute! PS I totally get paranoid too about my friends who I’ve previously sent LTT/LTR links to ever coming on the site now, reading comments, somehow read one of mine, link to my blog, and discovering it is me. Maybe far fetched, but I still think it could happen.

      • “It’s like we’re all so serious about being completely unseriously twitarded”

        This may be the best statement ever uttered here.

        Jen, you win the ‘Justify the Normal’ Award of the day!!


    • 30%?

      that sounds off……


  10. When I was spewing about Twilight to my husband one night, he said, “What happened to you? We used to have so much in common.” Mostly he just says, “this is bordering on obsession.”
    Bordering? He’s not very observant.

    • I just realized what I posted has NOTHING to do with the topic at hand.

      I have no Twiphernalia except Pocket Eddie. And he’s just so damn fun, I can’t help myself. Although I did almost buy a t-shirt I saw in Target that said, “I ❤ Vampires" the other day. Only to wear at home to annoy my husband. Beause that's fun.

      • I saw that shirt at target rolled my eyes and said “not you too” out loud even though I was alone and I was speaking to target.

      • And I just realized my first post is on point. My brain is fried. Sleep deprivation and sick kids will do that to ya.

        • …and reading one of the Twilight books when you should be sleeping AND reading Twilight-related blogs when you should be working (so then you have to run to finish your work) AND planning Twilight-related trips AND lookig at/saving Robert Pattinson photos…

          Not that I would know any of that, of course 😛

  11. I sort of think it’s cute when really young girls are out with their little Edward shirts. I was at work the other day and this really pretty girl ( probably around 16) was wearing an Edward shirt come to my counter. After mocking her to a fellow co worker… I was like let me guess. You heart twilight? She was surprised that I said something and goes yeah! Do you? My reaction was …meh. I’ve seen the movie. I’m such a liar.
    I do have a confession: When I first started liking twilight my bff who works at mac with me bought me a little edward badge and pinned it to my brush belt at work (you know the big black tool belts that the makeup artists at mac wear?) I wore it proudly only because two other girls had them attached to their belts and my bff had a joe jonas one attached to hers (she’s 26 and went through a camp rock phase) our dm came in and told us we couldn’t wear them on our belts anymore because they don’t reflect the mac image. Haha. Little does she know all mac girls love twilight ( at least the 12 girls and 2 guys I work with. I pretend to be the least into twilight when in fact I’m fairly certain I’m the worst of the bunch.

  12. This made me think of something my hubby (who refuses to watch Twilight) said to me. As I was watching the fight scene, hubby walked in and yelled “Kick his ass Jacob”. I yelled out “That’s James you dumbass” to which he replied “Who cares! I just hope Team Edward LOSES!”. Yea we’re classy like that. He refers to Edward as “Team Edward” all the time since he saw me making a Team Edward shirt for the movie premiere. He says he’s Team Jacob just to piss me off. But haha hubby, I got you involved and you didn’t even know it. Muhahaha

  13. My guy friend says things about Rob like “Why do women like that guy? He looks like Marlon Brando crossed with Fred Flintstone!” I guess Fred do have similar ears…

    I have one Twilight shirt and it’s just the logo in it’s curly little Twilight font. It’s an ‘around the house’ shirt (which is annoying because it fits better than any t-shirt I have ever owned and makes my boobs look good). I once accidentally wore it to the grocery store and when I realized my mistake I immediately crossed my arms across my chest, guiltily looking around as if I had found myself suddenly shirtless.

    And UC, if you wanna wear your Moaning Myrtle costume to the next HP movie I’ll wear my Bellatrix get-up so you won’t feel out of place. ;P

  14. I have some friends who are always making fun of Twilight, how awful the movie was, how Edward is this over aggressive, smothering, abusive boyfriend and what a bad example of a relationship it is to young girls. I always sit there and stay out of the conversation because I know I would just get flustered. Yesterday I went over to one of the girls house to pick something up. She noticed my keys and said that she didn’t know I was a big Harry Potter fan (which I am) to have a keychain. I had to tell her it wasn’t a Harry Potter keychain.. it was a Twilight keychain. My secret is out.

  15. “I love that scene in the 4th book New Eclipse when Jasper, the wolf, shows up at their wedding”

    LMAO Jasper the wolf, love it.
    Funny thing recently? A call from my mom informing me that the 2nd season of Twilight was on HBO. Wanna guess what show she was watching?

  16. …I wear my Twilight t-shirts to work…
    Where do I work?? At a daycare with no dress code… kids are clueless as to what my shirts mean and parents never look at them… coworkers don’t know about Twilight, so it’s a win-win for me!
    I hate those Hot Topic shirts though, they are too blatant. I make my own…
    They say ‘twilight’ without saying ” TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! *squee* “

  17. Adam constantly says “Jason, the touchy feel-y one”…meaning Jasper the mood controller. sigh.

    Also, I love my husband, but he gets jealous pretty easy. About a month ago he was painting our main living room and I overheard some things. I sent an email to some people about what he said, I was just dying! Here it is:

    I got home about 7am sunday morning after Relay for Life. My husband had gone to bed around 4am after painting all night. I collapsed in the recliner in our living room for like an hour. In the process he woke up and started to do the second coat of paint. I was teasing him telling him I wasn’t tired because I was a vampire and if he were Edward he wouldn’t be tired either. The following is what I heard him say to himself when I was in the kitchen rehanging my magnetic knife strips. I thought my head was going to explode. I started laughing so hard I think I peed a little.

    He was in the entry way trying to touch up a spot up high (we have 15 foot ceilings). “I bet EDWARD would just be able to jump up and paint that spot. We all know Edward wouldn’t even be tired right now. In fact, I bet Edward would have had this whole fucking house painted in under 5 minutes. And it would look perfect. And it would have some sort of sparkling brilliance to it.”

    Totally cracked me up!!

  18. ummmm…. ive got a team edward bag that i use as my school bag *ducks* haha i didnt buy it tho 😀 haha ill justify that part. i only use it bc it was a bday gift this yr. the only thing ive bought was a team edward keychain, which *sobs* just broke on me yesterday 😦

    and the twilight shirts?? ummm… they kinda are a bit tacky to me.. ive recreated my own actually.. haha

    hopefully that works!

  19. Guy who knows nothing about twilight: Do you read Harry Potter?

    Me: No

    Guy: Why not? You read Twilight.

    Me: So not the same thing.

    Dad is a whole other story. He thinks I’m obsessed with vampires. ANY vampires.

  20. Found this on Texts From Last Night and it made me think of you Uninteded Choice.

    (440): We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
    (1-440): I don’t know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can’t wait until then!!

  21. You know the Twilight deleted scenes, the ones my friends (in my head) and I call, lovingly, “quickies”? I watched the leg caress 12 times last night hoping to have myself a ripsnorter of a dirty dream about Edward/Rob. Instead I had a ripsnorter of a dirty dream about…wait for it…Ted Kennedy. So wrong. Wrong. Painful, upsetting and wrong. To my friends (in my head)…you little b*stards are traitors.

  22. Personally, I never buy any kind of film related merchandise because I hate being “played”. It’s all a big money grab… and I don’t want to support the further exploitation of our boy!

    Having said that…. I am not above drooling for “far too long” over pics of said “object”… commiting his image to memory for future use as erotic fodder for personal pleasure seeking.

    I have my standards. HA!

  23. I wear my Twilight shirts in public with my head held high. I also don’t hesitate to pull out Mini Edward when I see a photo opportunity. I am lacking the “shame” part of my brain I guess. I actually kind of love it because whenever I wear a shirt or carry the bag, all kinds of people start talking to me about it and I get in all kinds of conversations about Twilight with perfect strangers, which I think is cool (and a main reason I have a Twi-blog too!)

    As for things my bf says about Twilight, I have a few.:

    The other day, as we went to go grab some fast food for dinner, we were caught in a monster thunderstorm while we were out. As I’m watching all the chaos out the window and just hoping we make it home without crashing, he turns to me and says, “How you likin’ da rain, girl?” I almost peed my pants laughing.

    Then, another time we made a run to our local Borders (where I got an Edward Cullen lunch box AND some of the trading cards *shut up, it was my birthday*) and I found him standing in front a magazine display that was mostly Rob/New Moon stuff. My heart leapt with hope as I thought he was reading a Twilight related magazine, but as I got closer, it was some other one, NOT Twilight related at all.
    I said, “Why don’t you read this one? It’s about Edward.”
    He replied, “Why would I want to read about him? He’s my competition.”
    I was speechless for a sec, a feeling a little flattered he would say that. I asked him to clarify and he said, totally deadpan, “Yeah, I want Bella too.”
    I smacked him.

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