Twilight Virgins say the darndest things

107-year-old-virgin-lrgDear Twilight sluts,

I love virgins. I get such a big kick out of people who have just or are currently experiencing their ‘first time.’ The way they talk; the way they’re all starry-eyed; the way they’re not jaded by the experience but still have hope for the purity & innocence of it- I just can’t get enough. It’s probably because it’s hard to remember when I lost my virginity- it seems to long ago.

I’ve been blessed to hold many a friend’s hand through the experience of losing her virginity. Of course I’m talking about losing her Twilight virginity. What did you think I meant? I introduced you to my friends UrbanGirl, ItalianGirl, Tex & PreggersPants back on this post [go, it’s brill] and I really thought it was over. I thought everyone in my life I could convince to read the series had done so. Turns out, Netta my cousin decided to hop on board and give her flower to Edward Cullen himself.

I really do love the innocence of a first time Twilight reader.  They don’t know the things we know- they may not know that Midnight Sun exists & probably aren’t yet pissed off at Stephenie for not finishing it. They probably have only seen the movie once or twice & haven’t yet realized, “This movie really kinda blows apart from Robert Pattinson & Buttcrack Santa.” They think they’re alone- oblivious to the MILLIONS of affected women out there. They call their other virgin friends and admit sheepishly,”I think I’m in love with a vampire,” not realizing the number of women throughout the world exclaiming, “That’s Normal!” And my favorite: They still refer to the actors & characters by their full names instead of Nik, KStew, Jack, Ash, Rob, etc. I recently received this e-mail from my cousin Netta:

Don’t tell anyone, but my friend Gretchen had a dream about kissing Edward Cullen.

First of all, sorry Gretchen, I just let your secret slip. But don’t worry. It’s only on my little blog. Secondly, thanks, Netta, for clarifying that it’s Edward Cullen she’s interested in kissing. At first I thought you meant Edward Scissorhands.

I want to rekindle that fire you once had for the series. I know it’s dwindling- don’t try to deny it. You’re over seeing pictures of Rob on the Remember Me set. You’re counting down the days until New Moon (126) and you wish that Stephenie would just write another damn book already! Today I have a gift for you in the form of texts I’ve compiled from my friends & family. [I’ve of course left you some necessary UC thoughts in brackets] After the jump, Read, recall & reminisce your first time….

Wolfgirl: I HATE JACOB [UC thoughts: uh, take it back, hunny… Taylor isn’t going to like that…]

Netta: WHAT? She can picture their future together with kids?? NO way… if she leaves wonderful Edward so she can wear a damn feather in her hair I quit reading!! WTF?

WTF? I’m going into pilates now, but why is she making out with the wolf??? Sometimes I HATE HER

I can’t believe they almost did it and then he proposed! It just keeps getting.. BETTER!

Netta’s friend: I don’t want to keep reading because if she chooses Jake I’m going to burn Stephanie Meyers at the stake! But I have to keep reading because it’s like a drug to me. [UC thoughts: 92% sure she has no idea she wrote a Twilight reference here. Remember. Virgins. You don’t start remembering those quotes until your 3rd read, at least]

Netta: Gretchen & I are out at the bar and we are actually picking people out that could be vampires. Is that normal??? [UC thoughts: This is after I told her how we’ve coined the phrase “That’s Normal.” She keeps asking me if things are or aren’t normal. I assured her that when it comes to Twilight & Rob, she won’t reach levels of abnormality until she discovers puffy paint, iron on images & the sweatpants section at Wal-mart]

Netta’s eclipse recap: I just can’t BELIEVE she made out with Jacob and then shed tears over him!!!! GGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!  She has Edward, what the hell???  She should be happy!  I think he’s just a stupid younger boy and I hate that she is so hung up on him!  I would so much prefer the cold stone Edward because I’m always hot!

You keep talking about Isle Esme…that’s not til book 4, I saw the one chapter title…I really want to know, but I’ll just have to read!

Is Ms. Meyer going to be writing more books in the series or is Breaking Dawn the last one?  I heard a rumor that there’s sex in Breaking Dawn….I really really really hope so!  Their making out scenes get pretty hot…I love it!  Is that weird for me to say….I hope you say “that’s normal!” [UC thoughts: So many amazing things! She knows ‘Isle Esme’ exists but still isn’t sure there’s sex! She calls her Ms. Meyer! Netta, YES! Thinking their make-out scenes are hot is SO VERY NORMAL!]

I figured she had enough torture thinking it over after Breaking Dawn, so I told her about Midnight Sun

Netta: Oh, now I can’t WAIT to finish Breaking Dawn so I can read Edward’s perspective! I can love him more??? Really??? My husband  is already jealous that I spend most of my evenings with Edward! LOL! [That’s Normal]

Netta: broke the bed frame…really!? how I’d love for my bed frame to be broken.

Look! So cute. These virgins aren’t embarrassed to admit their Twilight love on their facebook walls yet:

Netta: You shouldn’t have bailed….we were out at a bar- vampire hunting!
: I felt bad on bailing, but I was running all day and just couldn’t bring myself to get ready to go out. Instead I had a hot date with Edward!
: Vampire hunting we were! we didn’t find any good prospects though. no one compares to edward.
: that is a fact. Edward is great. however, he’s mine [bitches better back off]


Netta: Just wait till you get to the Isle Esme chapter- oh Lord, I just want him for myself!
Netta’s Friend
: I will totally fight you for him. Man now you really got me wanting to just stay in with Edward. We had such a good date last Friday! [UC thoughts: Reminder: She’s talking about the book T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T and not F-A-N-F-I-C-T-I-O-N]

Netta’s Breaking Dawn recap: So – I finally finished Breaking Dawn last night…the series was SO good. I LOVED the end where Bella allowed Edward to see her mind…so romantic! And I’m so happy Alice came back…love her! I’m sad it’s over now! Is Midnight Sun ONLY on her website or can I buy or download a copy somewhere? I tried to locate it on my kindle but they didn’t have it. [UC thoughts: That’s Normal. We all frantically searched everywhere for it too. But our kindles couldn’t find it either. Um, hopefully I mentioned it’s only 12 chapters long…? If I forgot, oops…]

Aw! Virgins! They’re so cute! Wouldn’t you DIE to be one again!? As a little bonus, I saw Netta at a family get-together last night. She gave me this little gem.

Netta: Can you tell me what is going on with Robert Pattinson? [UC thoughts Who? Oh… you mean Robert Thomas Pattinson.. I didn’t realize.. I rarely refer to him without his full given name] I hear in his next movie he has full frontal nudity? Ew!
Me: laughing Ah yes! The Tuck!
Netta: His movie is called The Tuck?

Ah, to be a virgin again,

Spill it! What are your favorite things you’ve heard from virgins in your life?

Look at someone you wouldn’t mind giving your virginity to on LTR
Are you a forum virgin? We can remedy that. Head on over Right now & pop that cherrry!

110 Responses

  1. ‘Netta: His movie is called The Tuck?’…this truly is quite the gem…I spit my water out when I read this…LOL all over the carpet and down my shorts…great now i look like i peed LMAO 😀 Awww to be a Twilight virgin again…you’re right I was losing the fire…but this really truly brings fond memories and smile to my face….thanks UC 🙂 btw…next time I go to the bar…I’ll do some ‘vampire hunting’ as well see what I can find!! 😉

  2. Holy goodness hahaha “Robert Pattinson? [UC thoughts Who? Oh… you mean Robert Thomas Pattinson..” I still refer to all of them by full names in front of non-Twi people because I’m afraid they’ll think it’s weird if I just call them Rob and Kristen, and even Catherine.

    Perfect timing!! My BFF is currently losing her Twi-virginity via me, however after reading the first book she refuses to read the rest because she thought they were terriblely written. However Rob is hot she discovered, so she will watch the movies. Yesterday I gave her a run down of the rest on our hour drive to the outlet malls.

    After explaining what impriting was, she thought it was gross. After I explained Jacob eventually imprints on baby Renesmee, she thought it was even grosser. What I couldn’t get over? She kept asking me why Edward didn’t just wear a condom in the first place. Huh? HE’S A VAMPIRE! THERE WASN’T A NEED TO! (As Buffy said of Angel, “he shoots blanks.”) Still she didn’t get it, and asked how he didn’t know if he could impregnate anyone, “He’s never had sex before?!”

    • It’s so obvious to US! I cant’ believe she won’t read them! You can look past the bad writing!

      • BFF is far too critical and practical to read more. Even after I sent her an open shirted picture of Rob with quote bubble exclaiming, “READ MORE OF ME! I’M HOT!” (Rob picture messaging is my new form of texting, because I have equal parts no life and conversion obsession).

  3. ROFL!
    Ahhh, lucking my TwiVirginity was not that long ago: I first saw the movie New Year’s Day and it took me two weeks to track down the first book because it was sold out EVERYWHERE! Well, everywhere that wasn’t charging AU$30 for the book. After that I was hooked. Finished the other 3 within a week.

    I then got to experience the awesomeness of helping someone pop their TwiCherry. Bestie Laura allll the way over in the UK read it only because I said I’d disown her if she didn’t. And she is now in love the with the series the normal amount *cough*. I even made her an RPattz b’day card.

    Ahhh, to be TwiYoungin’ again *wistful sigh*

    Jayde xox

  4. Bwah ha ha ha!!! Amazing letter!!
    This is so me, just a few months ago.

    Of course, I have given several of my friends sips from my Kool-Aid. I just got a call from a friend yesterday. She is in the middle of Eclipse. I answer the phone to:
    “I am SO in love with Edward and Bella!!!” I answer with, “Sing it, sister. Didn’t I tell you?” And she says, “I’m not ready for a Pocket Eddie or anything, but I will read this over and over.” I say, “Welcome to the dark side. Pocket Eddie is just around the corner.”

    Text from another virgin, “I just had lunch with K.W. Have you heard of Midnight Son?” Me, “uh, that would be Sun.”

    Upon telling me that they finished the books and watched the movie, each of my conquests immediately receive an e-mail from me with a certificate of completion and a link to LTT/LTR.

    The thing I love about Twilight is it gives you that “I’m in LOVE!” feeling without all the drama and disappointment (I don’t really enjoy disappointment). And you can share it with your friends!!

  5. Wish that Stephanie Meyer would write another book?? Have you tried to read The Host? I couldnt read past 10 pages it was that bad!!
    So be careful what you wish for 😉

    • you know what.. I actually liked the Host… but I had to force myself through the first few chapters. I didn’t read it for a LONG TIME b/c it wasn’t about vampires.. It’s no twilight, but i thought it was okay in the end!

    • I liked it, too, but you gotta slog through that boring ass beginning. If you can tough it out until you get to the desert you’ll be golden. I think it took me three weeks to get there and then three days to read the rest.

      • I just cant do it!!! I was completely into twilight after 5 pages. I just cant make myself read more than 10 of The Host. Like how they implant a new soul into the body… I just couldnt keep reading after that i found it so silly…. because, you know, vampires arent silly at all…

        Maybe I might try again after i finish the book im currently reading… maybe… probably not

        • I feel your pain. I do. I muttered to myself and shook my head the whole time they were going through the boring implanting stuff, but I blew the money on the hardcover book and was determined to stick it out. Just skim it until she gets to the desert. ;P

          • I totally agree. You have to really commit past about 100 pages to get into the Host, but I ended up liking it, too. To me, the themes were almost exactly the same as Twilight, just in a different world.

          • The Host was pretty good, like all of you say, after she gets to the desert. I read it immediately after I lost my Twilight virginity (like the day after I finished BD). That was the fatal mistake. I found myself thinking who the f*ck cares about Jared – where the hell is Edward?

          • I wasn’t all about Jared, either. I thought he was a bit of a dingus.

            I did think it was funny, though that Jamie was essentially just Jacob.

        • I’m so surprised!! “The Host” is my favorite Stephenie Meyer book. I didn’t get through it as fast as any of Twilight, but I think it still only took me about 3 or 4 days. Reading “The Host” is a Finals Week ritual for me 😀

  6. Damn you woman! My twi-obsession was dwindling and I was kinda trying to move on until New Moon came out. How did you know?

    This totally made me spew my coffee this morning:
    First of all, sorry Gretchen, I just let your secret slip. But don’t worry. It’s only on my little blog. Secondly, thanks, Netta, for clarifying that it’s Edward Cullen she’s interested in kissing. At first I thought you meant Edward Scissorhands.

    LTT is definitely one of the best things about the whole deflowering process 🙂

  7. aw…they’re SO adorable at this stage! You know, before they begin to feel this strange and inexplicable urge to spend every available free (and by free I mean not having a boss standing right over them watching them pretend to work) moment online reading fanfic just so they can keep the Edward Cullen high going.

    • Netta doesnt’ even KNOW about fan fic yet… not sure if/when I will tell her……I usually start them out with an extended Isle Esme…. we’ll see…. it’s kinda cruel to keep that to myself

      • please don’t tell poor Netta about fanfic. I fought it for so long and then after yesterday’s posts about the chick (sorry, chick I can’t remember who you are) who didn’t know what fanfic was, I got curious. After the recommendations were left for her, I went to look for some on the forum and dammit if I did not stay up until 3:00 am reading Mr. Horrible. I’m so tired, but when I get done posting, I’m going to read more. Save Netta from herself.

        • i totally agree, i was even worse……
          I watched the sun come up again whilst reading the list in bed on my laptop….. it was afwfu…GREAT!! 😀

      • Oh yes, UC, I’ll be needing the best recommendation for an extended Isle Esme scene, please. I need a fix.

  8. Gosh! I cannot remember a time when I did not quote Twilight the whole time. I also quote LTT and LTR of course, because THAT’S NORMAL!!!

  9. After the first time I read the meadow scene, I said something to my hubby along the lines of: “The vampire is trying to just touch her without killing her. This is hotter than anything I’ve ever read and they haven’t even kissed yet!”

    He looked at me like I was crazy. He had no idea how Normal I was.

  10. I encountered a virgin yesterday at Books-a-Million where I was actually buying plays and poetry. They had behind the counter two GIANT Edward and Bella dolls in a case. I asked the lady if she had read the books.

    She said she had just started. I asked what she thought…she carefully looked me over and asked if I had read them. I, of course, answered yes. She turned from a 40-something year old woman into a 14 year old right in front of my eyes. COMPLETE fan-girl.

    And she is only on New Moon.

    I just smiled and said…just wait, it will get worse. But THAT’S NORMAL.

    She said she wasn’t sure she could handle it.

    I told her she could, she would and she would be better for it.

    So sweet.♥

  11. I sat next to a dude on a flight recently and he was reading Twilight for the first time….I immediately asked him what he thought about the book….he answered, “it’s ok.” OK? Seriously? Just OK? Are you flipping crazy? I mean, OK? Needless to say I didn’t speak to him the rest of the flight. His IQ was obviously very low!

    “Secondly, thanks, Netta, for clarifying that it’s Edward Cullen she’s interested in kissing. At first I thought you meant Edward Scissorhands.” Super funny!!!! Love it!

    • Oh, Melissa, he was just shy the way guys are! Trying to hide his secretly burning passion, while agonizing inside that he was betraying the special love that he had with Edward (or Bella, whatever).

      If you had been somewhere more private I am sure that he would have eventually spilled the beans, just to get the chance to share his yearning with someone who could REALLY understand him. I feel so sorry for him for missing his chance.. 😉

  12. I am at the end of my Twilight virginity. I’ve been slowly coming out to my friends AA-style, “Hello, my name is Jamie and I’m a Twilightaholic,” only to find that NONE of them have read them or seen the movie. I only recommended to 1 friend to read the series, but I felt the need to give her a warning beforehand. “It’s like mainlining crack, Jen, and you’ll start looking at your husband and realizing what a waste of space he is.” She agreed to take the challenge anyway. I fear for her. I have found 1 friend who is just as obsessed already. We “came out” to each other in the middle of Target and started squealing like teenagers while our toddlers looked at us funny and laughed at us. Poor kids…better to learn early that mommy’s crazy….
    When my husband bothers me I now threaten him with going out and buying every piece of Twilight/Rob merchandise and plastering a shrine around my side of the bed. I think I’ll do it anyway when he’s away on business and surprise the hell out him!
    Any ideas on how to supremely freak him out?

    • Re: how to freak out your husband.

      While hubby is away on business, complete the following steps:

      1. have an accurately-sized cardboard cut-out made of Edward’s face.

      2. punch holes in the sides and attach string or elastic.

      3. for bonus points: cut out the mouth area.

      When hubby gets back, sit him down and have a talk about how loving and supportive he is. Ask him to wear the mask during “marital relations.” Tell him it’s not anything against HIS face, and to prove it he only has to wear the mask EVERY OTHER time you two do it.

    • I am now contemplating getting a pocket Edward that I could hang around with, like talk to at breakfast and while I am ironing, or have drinks with on the balcony.

      However, I am afraid that my man will interpret this as saying that he is neglecting me, since I know that he is already feeling guilty about working too much, so it could go both ways: either he will go all angsty and possesive on me or he will be hurt and spend even more time at work.

      Or he could make Pocket Edward his new best buddie! (It’s what I used to do with my rivals in high school. Never worked out really well, though.)

    • i literally spit out my water all over my keyboard reading this. WHY do i feel the need to carry a big purse so I can stuff a twilight book in there, you know, “just in case” i have some time on my hands? WHY do I insist my husband wear button down shirts in various shades of blue??

  13. oh, this just made my week. especially the last bit. hahaa.

  14. My first time was somewhere back in December 2008. It was a normal morning, instant messaging with a friend and I saw a picture of two kids staring at each other at her avatar. I asked what that was about and she said it was from Twilight. I instantly rolled my eyes and said “greaaaatttt..she’s hooked too”. Let me explain: I had heard in the last couple of months people talking about it and it seemed so comercial that i didn’t want anything to do with it. But, of course, I had to ask: “So what is it about anyway?” She said it was about a 100 year old vampire who falls in love with a teenage girl. I had a totally wrong picture in my head because I did not think of the vampire as being HOT :)) Anyway, I asked her for some pictures and I got curious. Let me tell you that I watched the movie 3 times that day :)) And then it was over for a normal life for me. It was only a week later, (and after watching the movie 30 times) that I told my friend I think there is something with the ending of the movie, it seemed like they left something for a sequel. (such a virgin thing to say) and then she told me about the books. I was like: “WHAT? Where? I want them, do they have them here?” Unfortunately, in Romania they only came out in February 2009. So technically it was about then that I lost my viriginity. I finished Twilight in about 10 hours. My first experience reading it, after watching the movie was awesome, but I was like: “geeez, they kinda’ screwed up the movie, everything happens so fast, and sometimes backwards” :)) A week later they put New Moon on the shelves. For Eclipse I had to wait ’till March. It came out on the 15’th, on my birthday 😀 (which also happens to be Kellan’s birthday too). Breaking Dawn only came out about month ago :)) at the fans’ request…they were going to wait until november to release it… Since my first time, I read the books about 3 times in Romanian and 3 times in English, but hey…that’s normal, right? :))

  15. His movie is called, “The Tuck?!”

    YES!!!! That, right there, was awesome.

  16. You guys are totally on top of things! I was seriously tiring of the RPattz pics and waiting for New Moon. Then one of my High School friends mentioned that she was reading Twilight as her status on Facebook. That was all it took to get me bouncing in my chair. I had to pace myself in my comments, as to not come across as a total whack-job, but then others began to chime in. It was a beautiful moment for me.

  17. As I finished reading each book I gave them to my friend, and as friend finished each book I gave them to my sister so we all lost our V-Cards together. I’m working on another sister now, but she’s resisting. I can’t wait to deflower someone else!

  18. I’m LMAO at the fact that she thought his next movie was called “The Tuck”, LMAO! Priceless.

    I remember I turned my sister onto the books. She’s more realistic and mature than I am so I totally thought she’d be like “ppppffttt whatever I’m not reading that”. Not that I’m saying the books are for immature non-realistic people. I’m not. She’s just into the heavy reading literature or non-fiction and thinks my celeb crushes and love of all things pop culture is something I need to be committed for and I could totally see her making fun of Twilight. Well she did read Twilight and liked it, but did say she thought it was a bit immature, ppppffttt, however she read through all four books in like 2 weeks, whereas it took me 6 months, so go figure. Anyways, over Christmas my whole family was driving to Pismo Beach, CA (my sister at the time lived in San Jose so my parents and I went to her place for Christmas). She and I were in the backseat like the good old days on roadtrips with our parents when we were younger. I was listening to my ipod and she was reading, just starting, New Moon and all of a sudden I see her frantically flipping through the pages like a maniac in panic….I turn off my ipod and say to her…”you’re looking for Edward aren’t you?” And she looks at me like she’s just been caught of something she didn’t want to be caught for with that look on her face that says she wants to say “no” but instead she’s like “WTF? He left!?”
    I hearted that moment!

    • love this, Jena. When I sucked my BFF in, she called me one night positively hysterical. I had lent her the first two books only two days before. She was almost crying and desperately wanting to know where Edward was. She had read Twilight and the first couple of chapters of New Moon in a day. I had to ruin the ending and promise her with all my heart that Edward would come back to get her to continue reading. Didn’t we all respond this way?

      • First of all…a quick hello…I’m a newbie to LTT!

        When I read NM the first time, I cheated. I tried to read the jacob parts, but I ended up skipping forward to the first mention of Edward’s name. I went back and read the middle after I finished the book. I told my SIL, and she had done the same thing.

  19. First of all, I LOVE the name Netta. So pretty–so different–so awesome.

    Secondly, the best thing I ever heard a virgin say was, “Cedric Diggory is in that Twilight movie!”

    Yes, he is. The real, actual, back-from-the-dead Cedric Diggory.


  20. I just gave my SIL Twilight for her birthday. I’m not even sure if she likes to read but she’ll be a reader once she finishes it.

    And I told my coworker (who is obsessed with Harry potter and she is also OLD. Like 70’s old) about Twilight and she read all the books. She loves it. She also tells me things about “Robert Pattinson who played Edward Cullen in Twilight” (like I didn’t know who she was talking about) like he was on Ellen. (I couldn’t help myself but I told her that was a rerun and I’d already seen it.)

    Gee I wonder how old the oldest Twilight fan is? Is my coworker holding some kind of record in that event? Cuz if she is, I should totally get credit for telling her about it.

    • I’ve just lent my copies to my Mum {who is 70 this month}……in 11 days she has read all books {as at 3pm this afternoon had the last 74 pages of BD to go}
      She adores them, does not know why, but wants access to Midnight Sun, so is probably moving in for the duration for my internet access……..I’ve created a monster…….

  21. Remember it like yesterday….husband away for weekend

    10pm Find Twilight movie “On Demand”
    Maybe rewatch kiss scene a couple of times

    12am Get over the scary make up and stuttering hospital scene

    12:05am Curse that Borders isn’t open 24 hours

    12:10am Google is my friend

    1:30am Finish watching Vanity Fair Photoshoot video – oh oh oh

    2:00am Download Midnight Sun pdf and start reading

    5:00am Call husband at 5am (he’s in the UK so it’s 10am), when he asks why I’m not in bed start mumbling about vampires.

    5:30am Toss and turn for a few hours, wake to see a shadowy figure in the corner of my bedroom but alas, it’s just the vacuum cleaner

    8am I am pale and tired with bags under my eyes, hmmm, I’m into this vampire thing more than I thought

    9am Borders opens, no messing around, buy the 4 book box set and spend the next week existing on microwave Mac & Cheese and wine – no time to break for cooking.

  22. Holy crap, that was funny. I may or may not have snorted while reading this.

    My ONE RL friend that I thought might convert, wouldn’t even read Midnight Sun because she “doesn’t like reading things online”. That’s when i knew I lost her…. I was all: BUT IT’S EDWARD! Nope, wouldn’t read it.


    • I know what you mean…The friend that got me into all things Twilight, hasn’t even read the books. I tried to convince her all year long to read them and she’s all like: “No! I’ve become obsessed only by watching the movie, imagine what the books will do to me!” She’s the one that introduced me to this world and she only knows half the story…I filled her in, of course, about the HUGE differences between the movie and the book, and told her about the most important things in the sequels and she would listen to me, ask me questions but she still won’t read them! That IS NOT normal! I keep trying to bring her to the dark side, but she has the strongest will ever! It sometimes makes me feel like I’m a drug addict trying to get her into using :)) But i feel obliged to get her to read them. It does not feel right. It’s like someone telling you where the secret treasure is burried, but doesn’t want any part of it! IT’S NOT NORMAL!

      • No, not normal. I’m 29 and my sister is 17. I have been begging her to read them forever. Doesn’t that sound backward? My mom even bought her the books for Christmas. Her response: “I just don’t like to read.” AAAGGGGHHHH! I want to strangle her. They are sitting, stacked up on her desk, and have never been opened. It feels like blasphemy.

      • OK, that’s nuts. How could you even come CLOSE to loving the movie if you didn’t love the books first? That is even more baffling to me!!!

        • It’s because she saw the movie first…in my country the movie came out first, then the books showed up in book-stores. But I know she would understand everything a lot better if she would just read them! I guess I have to keep trying…she has to get bored of me nagging her and give in, right?

          • OK, that is a reasonable excuse, not having access to the books….lol……Still, to me the movie is borderline cheezy, so I cannot imagine falling in love with it on its own…know what I mean? What country are you in? (just curious)

          • I’m from Romania. The movie came out in December 2008 or so and the books only in February 2009 (Twilight and New Moon) Eclipse in March and Breaking Dawn in June…it sucks I know :))

  23. My friend is a twi-vir… she’s on Eclipse and it’s so much fun! She’s all about planning a trip to Forks (with a stop in Phoenix so we can take pics @ the airport bathroom and grab a cactus to bring with us). Love her! Anyway, with her wicked-awesome sense of humor, I referred her over to LTR the other day and this is what I get on facebook:

    “Why is that man’s junk missing?”

    So note to self — don’t refer twi-virs to LTR on “The Tuck” days… they just might not get it!

  24. Hey everyone! Some of you will remember me, others won’t cuz I haven’t been on any Twilight sites in a while.

    I just wanted to say “Hi from Iraq!” And I’m super jealous I won’t be in America when the next movie opens. Arggghhh

  25. BTW, I just have to say that 107 Year-Old Virgin poster is way too hilarious for words.

  26. “Reminder: She’s talking about the book T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T and not F-A-N-F-I-C-T-I-O-N” the kiss of death right there, once you get into ff there’s not going back. trust.

    “His movie is called The Tuck?” LMAO! priceless!

    it’s true my fire for Twilight might be dwindling, but my love for LTT/LTR and you guys will never. 🙂

    • I second that last statement. We love LTT/LTR and you guys, Moon and UC! I also remember losing my LTT/LTR virginity. I stayed on here a couple of months ago for like 12 hours straight reading old posts and comments. Good times.

  27. “what’s wrong with mike newton? why can’t she just pick him”

    then i stabbed her.

  28. “what’s wrong with mike newton? why can’t she just pick him?”

    then i stabbed her.

  29. My mom started reading the books this week after much speculation. She loves it… Last night she called me to tell me she was “team Jacob” as of right now…
    She is mad that Edward and Bella can’t have sex. I told her to join the club. She is reading new moon right now, and said ” Bella is an annoying brat! if edward doesnt come back by the end of this book Im not reading anymore, in fact Im going to burn all the books!”
    Two weeks ago I was longing for my virginity when I was sick and in bed for three days with nothing to do.
    SM needs to friggin get her butt in gear and finish midnight sun. Okay okay it sucks that it leaked but its been almost a year, get over it already and give the people what they want!

    I was ignoring Rob all day yesterday (see LTR comment) thus ignoring you guys too (once again Im sorry) and I have a theory as to where Nikki Reed is:
    the story back in April is true! She is Preggo with Rob’s baby and is in hiding in a half way house for young girls who got knocked up. Its a place where their parents (or in her case production company) send them to have the baby because they are ashamed of them.
    her first baby so say she got preggo in Dec. she wouldnt show until about the 5th month (since its her first baby) she disapeared about 2 months ago eh? that would mean she is almost due… it would be right before eclipse started filiming… would anyone notice if she was a little late to filming? I guess we will have to wait and see…

  30. The damn Tuck again…and once again, even though bad things happened last time I did it, I clicked on the link to the pic, opened it up and tried to get a peek. I have an illness…

  31. I was a bit late to the party but I know I started and finished all 4 books before some of my friends finished Breaking Dawn when it came out. How they couldn’t finish in a day let alone 4 was beyond me!

    So far I’ve been able to get a few people to read the book but they are taking their time. They watched the movie and were like meh… so I have to convince them that the movie was crap compared to the books and to give the books a chance. Friend had a 14 hour flight to Prague w/ layover in NYC last month said that was plenty of time to get into the book… lent her book 1. On layover bought 2nd book because she knew she would finish somewhere over the Atlantic and would need to start immediately. Had to wait to get back to US for book 3 because there were no English versions in the Prague Airport! HA!

    Have yet to discuss with her but so far so good…

  32. “Secondly, thanks, Netta, for clarifying that it’s Edward Cullen she’s interested in kissing. At first I thought you meant Edward Scissorhands.”

    hahaha…so true!

    I was at a HH the other day and a friend of a friend, who just read the first book, mentioned that she had had found the trailer to “New Moon, the second book in the series” online. I just nodded but in my head I was like, yeah, fully aware that New Moon is the 2nd effing book and I watched that trailer live and about 1,245 times immediately after– I mean, this ain’t my first rodeo, you know??

  33. “we were out at a bar- vampire hunting!” ❤ you!

    My virginity is gone. I've moved on to the slightly-mortified-at-self-but-can't-stop phase. The Borders near my house has a gigantor display devoted to all things Twilight, complete with Pocket Eddie and Twi lunch box but I do not dare approach it to examine the merch. No. Am a few days shy of turning 36, FFS. Cannot.

    Meanwhile, I just flipped open the CB2 catalog I just received the other day. Their chic living room spread on page 14 includes a copy of Twilight on one of the tables. I'm sure that the responsible party secretly reads this site.

  34. “Who? Oh… you mean Robert Thomas Pattinson.. I didn’t realize..” – you are so funny… i do miss those first few virginal weeks…wouldn’t you love to be seeing Robert Thomas Pattinson for the very first time again??

  35. LOVED the post!!!!
    Oh to be a Rob virgin again…….the blissful discovery of all those interviews, the cuteness on Ellen, the “tool,
    I’m just a big hard tool” remark, the Irish interview where at the begining he’s asked about ‘drugs and homosexual experiences and Rob actually asks “why does no-one ask those questions” as if he thinks he’ll be allowed to answer……sigh…….and then the photo’s, you know all that gorgeousness that we hunted for and then right clicked and saved……..and finally the “what else is out there with Rob in?” and the discovery of young Daniel, and adorkable Art, not mention Dali and The Tuck….no, no, I’ve not forgotten the Sword of Xanten with the wig…..{I actually enjoyed the afternoon of escapism watching that film…That’s Normal right?}…
    Yes, the days of purity and innocence when hobbies involved doing stuff and meeting people in person and not spending at least 6 hours a day online stalking, chatting to other like minded folk and reading FanFic because Stephanie hasn’t finished Midnight Sun and won’t write Jasper and Alice’s story let alone anyone else’s……..Those were the days my friends………..

  36. I LOVE finding a Twi-virigin – I went on a trip with my college friends last weekend and was so excited to discover that one of them had just finished Breaking Dawn for the first time. (it just so happens that I was re-reading a copy BD on the plane (for a third time! – a borrowed copy b/c the person I loaned mine to months ago has still yet to finish it…I still don’t understand how that is humanly possible but anyway….) I sent my friend the pre-requisite link to LTT & Midnight Sun and told her to thank me later.

    The others were like “you really liked a book about vampires that much”….I was like just read it and call me when you are up all night and exhausted at work because you just had to know what happens and find yourself in love with a 17 year old vampire.

  37. Netta has been reading your comments (she doens’t realize yet that she’s allowed to comment) and loves them. She also googled “the Tuck” and found LTR. And is threatening to google fan fic if i don’t tell her what it is……

    • oh threatening to google fan fic… ha ha!

      This is one that you have to guide people through tho… I mean not ever fan fic is good and you should guide her to the good ones so she’ll come back for more…

      wish there was a place where all of those things could be accomplished… oh wait… the forum! 🙂

    • Ack! Don’t let her google it! I remember many years ago I was trying to google a photo of Snape from Harry Potter and it pulled up all these fanfic sites. This was back when google would give a longer summary of what was on the suggested site. The first three sites suggested quoted HP fanfic along the lines of Snape bending Harry over his desk and forcing himself on the boy. Scarred me for life. I can’t even think of any fan fic without throwing up a little bit in my mouth.

      • That is really good advice. I accidentally came across some HP FF a long time ago, and wanted to bleach my eyes and brain so I could never think of it again. It was really vile.

  38. Haha love the first picture of 107-year-old virgin.
    Thanks for a refreshing post! Much needed as it seems we are all in Twilight overload right now (as evidenced on LTR today); it’s funny to hear thoughts from those who have no idea what they’re getting into. Twilight virgins are so cute, and they help me remember why I loved Twilight and the fandom in the first place.

  39. The other night I was watching the movie with a virgin…30 minutes into the movie she goes: omg is he a vampire???
    i’m like…didn’t anyone tell you about this movie or the books?
    and she says…yeah…romance and stuff
    and i’m like…we need to get drunk so i can just forget you said that…and drunk we got

  40. OMG I would die to be a Twilight-virgin again… Just thinking of the many sleepless nights I had because I was too excited to read further…

  41. i deflowerd one of my friends, we use to chat about it all of the time whilst at work (naturally)

    Recently we both kinda lost our spark,
    Last week twilight came out on dvd here (took them long enough) and i bought it….. for her….. not for me i still only own the not so legal ahum dowload….

    She watched it again and she totally good hooked again…. me not so much….. wel 126 more days in waiting…

  42. Lol, I love virgins as well, they make me crack up especially when they tell me about the bit they are up to and DESCRIBE EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT SCENE. They say everything that happens in the bit they are up to, do they think that I wouldn’t know what bit they meant if they said cafeteria scene instead of, “You know that bit where bellas in the cafeteria where she sees the cullens for the first time and edwards staring at her and-” and so on. lol.

  43. oh to be a twilight virgin again! now because of this I think I might have to re-read the series…again….but that’s normal 😀

  44. I lost my Twi-rginity almost a year ago. Since then I’ve read the books three more times. Every time it’s a little different, sort of how when you break up with someone you swear you’ll never love anyone like that again. It’s true, you won’t. That first time is special though, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “Oh, how I envy you your first time.”

    I like to check up on virgin readers as they are losing their Twi-rginity. I find out what part they are on and then tell them to gimme a call or shoot me a text me at some point, especially when I know they are starting New Moon that night. They always ask, “When should I call?” It’s so sweet. I tell them, “You decide.” I wish I would have thought to keep those texts. They always came. Always texts. Usually in the middle of the night. How well I remember the desire to stay off the phone, preferring to text OMB to let him know I was still alive.

  45. Hahah!
    That was hilarious!!!

    I miss being a Twilight virgin.
    It was sooo long ago, although i remember it so well.
    I luckily had a friend who read the series before me, so I ranted out to her on MSN. I wish i could’ve saved all those convos with all my comments xD

    I ahted Jacob SOO much throughout the whole series until the Volturi parts of Breaking Dawn. My gosh, i nearly freaked out when Edward called him son! I was like.. OH MY GAWD EDWARD!!! The ending definately left tears 😦

    I especially want the convo where I was tlaking about breaking dawn… I remember laughign afterwards so ahrd about it… the whole ‘sex’ and the ‘fight’ in Breaking Dawn…
    ‘head desk’
    It was the BIGGEST teaser EVER!

    Even though i’ve read the books so many times, I still get a happy and excited spark, especially when it all comes back.

    Again, lovely blog, was hilarious xD

  46. A friend who is 45 made fun of me while I waxed endless love for RP and all things Twilight about a month ago. She giggled. She rolled her eyes. All that. Made the whole “must be nice to have all that free time to follow RP”, etc. jokes. Generally threw lighthearted slander my way – but I could tell she was also slightly annoyed by my level of fandom. Couldn’t understand what “all the fuss” was about. He’s not even that cute (she said). What’s the big dealio (she muttered).


    I lent her the first book. I said “just read it, ok?”

    Within 24-hours, she had finished book One, and then went out and bought all four and had them read within four days.

    She then proceeded to watch the movie (that I put out on loan to her) five times in the span of one week.

    She also rather sheepishly confessed to re-reading all the good parts of the books at every free moment she can grab. Spoon-feeding/plate-licking/ IV Dripping in every ounce of the delish Mr. Rob she could possibly uncover /consume into the wee hours of the morning via the internet…most nights this is how she ends her day – Rob-Watching. Not that good looking, eh?

    Who’s laughin’ now?

    Mmm-hmm. Me. That’s who.

  47. […] They’re so cute. Almost as cute as Twi-virgins, don’t you think? So cough it up- we know your guys have said the most insane things about […]

  48. I remember when I lost it. I had been telling people how stupid that dumb Twilight movie looked and then bored one day at my cousins house I picked up her copy and started reading it and didn’t put it down for two days (which is when I was done reading). I had thw whole series done in a week. I also remember the let down I felt when I finished the chapter of Midnight Sun on the web. I had read all there was to read and Ididn’t know what to do. The I read it all again right before the Twilight DVD release and then again this past summer. Everytime I read I am always left at the end with that since of emptyness.

    I wish I were a Twi Virgin still. Then I would have atleast a week worth of Bliss before I was sadly let down by nothing else to read.

    • Me too Jaclyn. The emptiness is a killer, I have never been so affected by a book before and it is rather bewildering. All the things described in this blog and additional posts…I have recently done. I found this site 2 days ago and UC tells me I am normal. I guess I found a home!!

  49. ironically, you posted this the very same day i picked up Twilight for the first time. i had been teasing my neice and wanted to prove to her how silly Twilight was… (i used to be Team Akasha – Queen of the Damned – Ann Rice ~ still love her but, well, you know…)
    but i didn’t Know… my heart has been branded. there is a cullen crest burned into the flesh of my heart. i’m on my 3rd run of tghe saga sitting in New Moon right now loving the hallucinations just as much as Bella…
    {{is it normal for me to be so sad that it’s not real}}

  50. ROTFLMAO! This has got to be the funniest things I’ve read in months. My stomach hurts, I laughed so hard!

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