A Twilight-themed Wedding

bella engagement ringDear UC & Moon,

I am writing to ask for your advice. I have recently gotten engaged & I was reading Eclipse & noticed Stephenie’s description of Bella’s Ring. My ring sounds almost identical! It was my fiancee’s grandmothers. I can’t believe the similarities between Bells & myself.  I met my fiancee when I was 17 and we fell in love very quickly.  Some would say we were a little obsessed with each other.  Well, after a few months, my now fiancee left me.  Yes- just like when Edward left Bella. It was basically a huge misunderstanding, but I was depressed for months. I lost 4 pounds and barely slept. After 2 months we got back together and have been together ever since! Isn’t that crazy?! Just like Bella & Edward! His name is Stu. I call him my Stuward. Anyway, when I realized the ring was just like Bella’s, it got me thinking- why don’t I have a Twilight-themed wedding!? Could you or your readers help me come up with ideas?

Love,
Twi-Bride to Be

Dear Twi-Bride to be,

YES! We love planning parties- planning a wedding can’t be that much different. And we LOVE Twilight, so combining a wedding with Twilight is a Win Win idea all around! This is so up our alley. We have 10 suggestions for you and some pictures that will hopefully provide inspiration!

  1. bella-s-wedding-twilight-series-6053356-500-343The Books: First of all, we definitely recommend bringing Eclipse & Breaking Dawn with you whenever you meet with vendors for your wedding- especially for those very important dress shopping trips. You should make sure to always be thinking with your “Cullen eyes”- think about everything the way that Alice, Bella or Edward would…. (probably focus on the Alice part- Bella Eyes might take you to David’s Bridal! Oh the horror!)
  2. Glitter: Don’t forget to adorn yourself in glitter. You need to be a sparkling beauty for all your guests. If The Stuward is a unique guy (and it sounds like he is) he might want to adorn himself in glitter as well.  For added effect, why don’t you have his chest exposed slightly- just have the buttons done half-way and have his jacket open.  If you have the extra money, dim the lights in the room & have a spotlight shine directly on his chest (that way the audience will really see him sparkle)
  3. Bridesmaid flowers: Instead of flowers, your bridesmaids should carry red, satin ribbons. If you’re at a loss for the perfect bridesmaid accessory, why don’t you fashion a mask out of the eclipse ribbon? The girls can hold it up to their eyes when they feel it’s appropriate
  4. Music: Walk down the aisle to something from the Twilight soundtrack.  It depends on what you’re like. If you want a party atmosphere, we suggest Perry Farrell’s “Go all the way.” If you’d like something more somber, maybe walk down to “Clair de Lune.” That’s probably a good choice as it’s pretty unique and probably hasnt’ been done in many weddings. If you want my honest opinion, I’d suggest walking down to “Never Think” by Robert Pattinson.  How beautiful would it be to walk toward your Stuward hearing the guy who played Edward sing a song? I have chills thinking of the moment…
  5. the-cullen-wedding-1368485a94The Vows: I know it’s trendy to write your own vows these days, but wouldn’t it be even trendier to have Edward & Bella write them for you? (Or… Stephenie Meyer?) Why don’t you try using only quotes from the 4 books (The Stuward could include some from Midnight Sun, if he wishes). Here is a quick example:To my darling Twi-Bride to be: Trust me. You look…sexy. Your number was up the first time I met you. I hope you enjoy dissapointment. It makes me…anxious… to be away from you. Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you? Look after my heart — I’ve left it with you. And the sound of your heart. It’s the most significant sound in my world. Tell me what you want, and you can have it. All of my best nights have happened since I met you. You love me more than I deserve.
  6. The Centerpieces: We think your centerpieces could incorporate a little bit of everything from the book series. Might we suggest bringing a little bit of Isle Esme to your reception hall? How about starting with a replica of a headboard (if you want to really get crazy- crack it!) glue on some feathers, add an apple or two, place a few chess pieces strategically in the center & top it off with some of the ribbons your bridesmaids will be carrying- you’ll represent the books but also have something sensual for you and your Stuward to enjoy.
  7. ruffledtulipsFlowers: The only flower you should use is the ruffled tulip- like the one on the front of New Moon. You could even give them out as your gifts- with a little card attached that says:”The lion fell in love with the lamb. But then he left the lamb for a little while, but then he came back and now the lion and lamb are married. Thank you for sharing in our joy”
  8. The garter: After The Stuward removes the garter from your leg, when he’s walking around, hands in the air doing a celebratory dance, he should yell “I AM Spider Monkey.” It can be your little secret sign to each other about the monkey-business that will happen later that evening.
  9. Blood: Obviously you can’t serve cups of blood at your reception (although that would be cool!) but you can pretend that you are! Dye everything red- use red wine, dye the water red, serve Bloody Marys & red jello shots. Spill red spots all over the white tableclothes – Ooh dip the edge of your dress in red dye!
  10. IsleEsme-1The Honeymoon: I assume you’re saving your virtue for your wedding night, as Bella & Edward did, so that’s taken care of. Have you been searching for french lingere? You know that’s the only kind Alice would approve of.  Just a few honeymoon tips from a gal who’s already experienced her Isle Esme: Use lines in the Twilight series’ as dirty talk.  We already mentioned “Spider Monkey” above, but that comes in handy quite often. You have no idea what it does to a guy when he hears “Spider Monkey” roll off your tounge. Another good one is “My Monkey Man.” (especially appropriate when he shows you his banana for the first time)  When you’re ready to see your Stuward in the buff, demand to see his “Buttcrack Santa.” He’ll get a laugh out of it and it will ease the tension.  You could even get him a little Santa hat and have him wear that (and only that) for your first time!
Please please PLEASE send us pictures so that we can see what it turned out like! (We’d especially like to see The Stuward in that Santa hat!) Good luck & Congratulations!
you are an idiot if you mirror yoru wedding after twilight
Love,
UC & Moon
don’t be an idiot
Don’t ever do this for your wedding. Don’t ever ever ever ever ever mirror your wedding after a book about vampires. Ever. If you do decide not to take our advice, use the following art board for inspiration:

and use this:
AND NOTHING ELSE: Do not google “twilight-themed wedding inspiration” DON’T DO IT! You will regret it….
i heart rob
Have a question for your Aunties Moon & UC? Email it to us at letterstotwilight@gmail.com & we would be happy to answer it and maybe even feature you as a post!
rob hearts me back
Today is the last day! Send us in your Twi-Porn for our Porn-off with The Twilight Sisterhood!

Step right up to the Circus sideshow: Twilight Tattooed Freaks!

Dear Twi-hards,

Your enthusiasm, commitment and devotion to this saga continues to baffle and amaze me. Though I’m probably up there in terms of  enthusiasm, heck I blog about this EVERY day, I don’t know if my enthusiasm comes anywhere close to some fans I’ve seen. We all show our love for Twilight in different ways, passing the books on to a friend so they can become addicted (aka spreading the virus so you’re not alone!), creating your own New Moon trailer with your creepy husband while the cat wonders wtf is going on, or even getting a Twilight inspired tattoo. Now the Twi-tatt is by far the highest level of commitment out there and not for the faint of heart or SHY. I mean you’re going to be stuck with this thing for the rest of eternity and will forever be explaining why you have a tattoo of a shriveled up tulip on your boob of the face of a guy who kinda looks like Jimmy Neutron lost in the shire on your bicep.

The great thing about Twi-Tatts is that most will inevitably be some sort of embarrassing and if we’re (meaning those of us who love and make fun of the twi-dom on a daily basis) lucky; awesomely terrible! So in honor of Monday Funnies let’s take a gander at some Twi-tatts that somehow went very verrrry wrong.

The Cullen family crest- this is a big offender in my book because it’s not even official, it’s from the movie! That’d be like getting the quote “hold on tight spider monkey” or a portrait of Buttcrack Santa (my dream tatt).
cullencrestbackpiece
Grandma’s gonna be so confused when you get married… “but honey, I thought Steve’s last name was Steverson, not Cullen. Who is this Cullen boy?”

crestleg
Goes great with your Chico’s capris

Next up we have the popular quote-style tattoos where folks get their favorite passage tattooed on intimate body parts. With Stephenie Meyer being such a great writer I can see why you’d want those words around forever. Heh. Most people get the obvious stuff: “be safe” “and so the lion fell in love with the lamb” etc. If it was me I’d probably something like “I had an adrenaline rush, you can google it!” or my fave Carlisle quote: “Animal attack!” (RIP Grisham Mill Worker)

overkill
This is a classic case of I WANT IT ALL but I can’t decide so let’s just cram as much from the saga on my arms and see what happens. All we’re missing is a passage about the Spanish Influenza or a detailed description of Bella’s room.

newmoonbackpiece
Well if you’ve gone this far, why not a whole chapter?

tbonesteaktattoo
Now, while I love this quote and the sentiment, it looks like it’s been etched into a T-Bone steak or a leg of lamb not exactly what I’d call romantic, unless raw red meat is your thing.

Next let’s traipse into the logo/book cover area of the Twilight tattoos… and as much as I love the covers as the next person I’m pretty sure I don’t want some chess pieces on my body… besides I can’t even play chess!
treetrunk
Oh looks it’s a Twilight tree… let’s crack it open and count the rings.

tulipbesafe
In case you forget “Be Safe!” Oh and don’t forget to water your flowers, they start drooping if you don’t. FYI.

And now for the ultimate… the portrait tattoo… now anyone who knows tattoos know that portraits are the most difficult and need to be done by professionals… and well I’ll let you be the judge of these next few…

movieposter
I’ve always wanted a tattoo of a 12 yr old looking stuttering girl and an alien on my shoulder

And now for my favorite…
jimmnuetronintheshire
Jimmy Neutron Cullen, Hobbit from the Shire is your life now. If this was supposed to BE Robert Pattinson AS Edward Cullen than someone needs a refund. And laser removal surgery.

Now these folks are committed, there’s NO doubt about that… but what I really want to see is a Cora the waitress or a Solomon Trimble tattoo… now THAT’s devotion!

Off to get my LTT tattoo! Aka a Big Daddy Portrait!
Themoonisdown

Sources: Reader submitted pics, NewMoonMovie.org, Flickr, Google Image Search, Twilighters Anon

What is IT about Robert Pattinson? Watch us try to figure it out.
Dude, don’t let your fellow sisters in the LTT/LTR sorority down, read more and submit your Rob Porn!
As always up-to-the-minute good times and discussion over at The Forum!

It’s a Twilight Father’s Day

To all the Twilight daddy’s: Carlisle Cullen, Billy Black, Charlie, Harry Clearwater, Big-Daddy Lautner & Edward,

A big HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to the whole group of you from Moon & I.  We love you all so much, we couldn’t pick one fav to write to today so we’re writing to you all (just kidding, Big Daddy-Lautner, you know you’re our fav).  Actually your kids are writing to you because we have our own daddys to take care of (although ours aren’t as cool as a vampire, Native American, cop or McDonald’s spokesperson…)

Enjoy your day! Go on over to Harry’s and grill out with his famous fish fry!
<3, UC & Moon

carlisleDear Carlisle,

Edward: Thank you for saving me from the Spanish Influenza & capturing my 17 year old perfection for eternity. Thank you for your encouragement to stay strong and not kill my beloved Bella &, of course, for the rockin’ sex tips. Although next time, I’d prefer it if you’d not get so detailed on how much Esme, my mother, likes to do that there.

Rosalie: Thank you, Carlisle, for changing my darling Emmett after he was attacked by that bear.  I’ll be honest I’m not crazy about how all that shit when down with Edward.  Why the hell didn’t you prep him first and convince him to love me? Also, I’ll deep down hate you forever for turning me into a vampire in the first place. Couldn’t you have let me die? F*ck y Oh yeah, this isn’t about me. Happy Father’s day Dad…

Emmett: Thanks for my smokin’ hot girl, Rose. And for that tip on how much mom likes that there- now Rose does too!

Alice & Jasper: (UC note: Uh, we couldn’t exactly find Alice & Jasper…. seems Jasper may have recently had a conversation with you, Carlisle? Something about something somewhere…..?)

Carlisle might be the reason we have Edward & so we’re the most grateful to him, but he’s not the only daddy! See all the other letters after the jump! Continue reading

Holy crap – 2nd hand embarrassing New Moon fanmade video

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s that time again, YUP time to be 2nd hand embarrassed by a fellow “fan” of Twilight. And today I bring you an extra ambitious fan who not only created a New Moon trailer, but wrote the script, acted in it (as Bella of course), SANG the music and enlisted her husband/some dude to play Edward. Oh yes, we have a live Edward in this one. And not to be mean but I think she might have found him at the group home around the corner, promised him a part time job and then told him his job was to “be Edward. Claw my face with your paw as if I’m a glazed doughnut and don’t take the grill on the way out”

watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNclyinIGX8

fanvideonewmoon
Shhhh kids, mommy and daddy are trying to act like teenage vampires… go back to your room!

She actually had a few other Twilight related videos up and promised a video of her version of Twilight. Sadly, she’s taken them down but we still get this gem! She truly is a prolific video creator, songwriter AND author (of TWO books!)! Check it ALL out. Trust me.

Happy Saturday!
Themoonisdown

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Rob and Twilight!

Dear Twi-Hards and LTT-ers –

A lot’s been said since yesterday about “Cab-gate 09”… which is what I’m now refering to the Rob was tapped by a cab incident that turned into the biggest non newstory, newstory to rock the Twi-world in… well… days. In a matter of minutes rumors were swirling, petitions were being signing, kidneys being donated and Obama issuing a statement. Well maybe it didn’t go that far, but folks did start up various campaigns and trending topics to get the word out about everything from: “Respect Rob’s Space” to “Protect Rob” which is all fine and well because crazies need to keep their distance from Rob.

But what really got me thinking was what about the other folks in the Twi-dom? What about the other actors? Their family? Their friends? Can we ask people to respect Rob but leave them out? Must we be forced to worry that Solomon Trimble will get mobbed at an Oregon Walmart while he’s buying some Alberto VO5 hot oil treatments for his luscious locks?!

NO! I simply will not stand for it! I MUST know that ALL people associated with Twilight are also respected. So to jump on the bandwagon I’ve created our very own LTT “Respect” campaign with an LTT twist, of course!

Won’t you join us?

Themoonisdown

respectcabbie
It’s easy to worry about Rob since he’s such a big celeb, but what about the “little people” in this scenario? What about the Cabbie? I say we need to respect the cabbie! Stop stepping out into the street with your big feet, umbrellas and security detail. This guy’s just trying to do his job ferrying people around the city and we’re getting in his way by hitting HIS cab with our hips. Respect the cabbie!

respectbuttcrack
Though Buttcrack Santa isn’t a canon character from the Twilight series, HE DIED! Respect him! He died for our laughs. He died for those little bottles. He died to have momma say didn’t know how to make a kitty meow! RESPECT BUTTCRACK SANTA!

respectbananager
What about Marty the Bananager for 100 Monkeys? We give him cheesy shirts to wear, don’t include him on our 100 Monkeys canvas totes, and grind with him on the dance floor. He’s a person too! Give Marty his personal space and save your sexy moves for his bandmates. They signed up for this, Marty is just doing his job and can’t be distracted by our beauty. Respect The Bananager!

respectbigdaddy
Taylor’s a level-headed 17 year old who seems to be enjoying the attention he’s getting by playing Jacob. My real concerns lie with Big Daddy Lautner. How’s he taking the fame? Is he still able to hit the McDee’s drive through at midnight for a late night Filet o Fish without getting mobbed? Respect Big Daddy!

respectmike
We all spend a lot of time pining for Rob and swooning over Kellan’s wifebeaters but what about the supporting actors? Have we devoted as much time to Mike Newton? Will we ever love his “golden retriever” like qualities enough to finally open letterstomikenewton.com? Will we ever post about his quest to save ladies boobs? Respect Mike Welch!

Read about the best real life Rob stalker and see the Rob’s new security at LTR
RESPECT The Forum!

Things that happen to me that make me think Twilight may be too big a part of my life

Dear Twilight,

It’s 12:18 am. I did approximately 4.5 hours of work today at my job although I was there for 8 hours and 15 minutes. The rest of the time I responded to blog emails, approved comments, responded to comments, lurked on the forum, played around on twitter, read through my google reader, sent a few emails to my pals: The Bitchin’ Bloggers, chatted with Moon on gchat about how Rob is clearly going to have a sexless summer- it was just another day at the office. I grabbed a quick bite to eat at my grandparent’s house where I kept my cell on vibrate. When I got out to my car I had a missed call and 2 texts from Moon. Plus a bajillion twitter updates. I called Moon immediately & from the moment she said hello until this very moment at 12:24 am, I have not stopped working on my “blog about vampires.” Just a normal Wednesday, or maybe today should go on the:

List of things that happen to me that make me think Twilight may be too big a part of my  life:

  • I got 6 birthday cards this year and 4 of them had Robert Pattinson’s face on them
  • My cousin, who is reading the books for the first time (yep- there are still virgins out there), texts me after she finishes every major section of a book and I call her immediately, making her rehash every feeling and emotion she is going through at that very moment, just so I can live vicariously through her first time. I miss my Twi-virginity so much
  • Someone gave me a book about Rob Pattinson and encouraged me “not to read it all in one sitting” (little do they know I read the entire thing in 30 minutes the day it was released at Barnes & Noble)
  • When I got my friendly monthly visitor in my white pajama pants, while going commando, instead of freaking out & looking around for the closest Tide detergent stick, I thought, “What was Stephanie Meyer’s answer for what Edward does when Bella gets her period again?”
  • I can’t even get my husband to respond to my e-mail, yet Ted C. from E!Online has written me 3 times in the last 2 days.
  • I write a blog about vampires that, for some reason, more people than I knew existed in the world read every day. Yesterday I only had 21 views on my personal blog.
  • When discussing plans for a Twilight DVD ‘girls-night-in’ night over e-mail with some real life friends, one of the RL friend’s coworkers walks into her cube. She invites her to join us for the movie and she says, “Wait, UnintendedChoice is going to be there?” Someone actually called me UnintendedChoice. In my real life.
  • My grandmother cuts out articles from the newspaper about Twilight and mails them to me
  • People I haven’t talked to for years who should have no idea that I run this blog write on my Facebook wall, “I just wanted to let you know I started Twilight and I love it!” (Do they think I wrote it!?)
    secret msg about buttcrack santa
  • I cropped a fannypack onto a man I never met (OH wait, that was Moon.. check it here)
    secret msg about buttcrack santa
  • If I haven’t seen a friend in a week or two, the first question out of their mouth is not, “How have you been,” but it’s, “How is living in the Twilight world?”
    secret msg about buttcrack santa
  • One of my best friends e-mailed me the other day and said “I feel like you have two lives. Real life UC & virtual life UC. I miss real life UC”
    secret msg about buttcrack santa
  • When I get a company e-mail reminding me the IT guy is coming around to everyone’s office & doing geeky crap to our computers & I go to clear my history, I notice that it’s full of phrases like:

“Rob Pattinson Bite Baby” and “Rob Pattinson lobster”

  • Because of that same IT guy I deleted my temporary files & download folder yesterday. It took 12 minutes. As I saw the file names zip past my eyes as they flew into the recycle bin, I realized not one was work-related.
  • I accidentally start everything, from emails, to facebook wall posts, to work coorespondance, to post-it notes with “To do’s” for my husband, to blogs on my personal blog, to my rent checks, with Dear ___________ and sign it Love, UnintendedChoice. I, alone, am keeping the “white out” product on the market.
I may also be obssessed with this fact that I found out there used to be a petition to have TomStu play Edward. TOMSTU

I may also be obssessed with this fact that I found out there used to be a petition to have TomStu play Edward. TOMSTU

What should I do? Pull back my involvement? Or do I just suck it up and say, “That’s Normal” I may or may not like Twilight

Love,
UnintendedChoice

PS: Add to list “The fact that I know who the hell TomStu is”

Okay confession time… what has happened to you to make you say… allright.. maybe I’m not that normal. (But oh! You are! That’s Normal)

Don’t forget to submit us some TwiPorn for our Porn-off with the Twilight Sisterhood

A million thanks to Calliope because without her, today’s post would have been a poll entitled “Who is hotter? Rob or Buttcrack Santa?”

The Dirt – News Dump all things Twilight, Rob, Kristen, New Moon, and everyone else

They won't see me here, under my umbrella, ella ella eh eh eh, under this umbrella!

They won't see me here, under my umbrella, ella ella eh eh eh, under this umbrella!

Dear LTT-ers,

You know how sometimes there just too much to cover and not enough hours in the day?

Yea, that’s this week.

With filming of New Moon wrapped there’s been so much news and craziness off the set I thought we should bring you a new edition of The Dirt – the News Dump… where we handpick all the best news just for you!

Did we miss anything awesome?

Love your guts-
Themoonisdown

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  • Finally a dude who doesn’t have his head up his arse, hits on Ashley Greene. Then they ride the waves and uh surf
  • Have you been living under a rock? Peter Facinelli made an almost impossible bet with a friend regarding Twitter. Follow him
  • Gil Birmingham jumps on the Twitter bet bandwagon. For the love of God follow him so we don’t have to see him in a Speedo
  • Yup, still there
  • Tess got bored effing around with Max and Liz, took a wrong turn at the Crashdown Cafe and ended up on the Remember Me set
  • As if you needed an excuse to watch more stuff about New Moon:

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