Stuff people tell us about Twilight. That we already know

For example, we've already seen this hot pic of Ashley and discussed how we want to be lesbians with her (not the fake kind, either)

For example, we've already seen this hot pic of Ashley and discussed how we want to be lesbians with her (not the fake kind, either)

Dear people who email us,

We love you. We really do. We love hearing from you. Promise. Even though sometimes it stresses me out that every time I check my email (like every 5-7 minutes) I have 5-7 new emails from you. But we love you despite that. Even though we don’t have time to write back promptly, which makes me sad because we hate not being prompt. We still love you more than you know.

We love you even though you tell us things we already know. (Yes, we heard Kristen was caught wearing Rob’s shirt, and no, we don’t think it magically shrunk from a male size M to a female size XS so it now fits Kristen snugly.  There is a small chance they have the same shirt) We love you even though you tell us things 3 weeks late. (Yes, we heard Kristen held Jackson’s hand leaving dinner in Vancouver and no, we don’t think they’re secretly dating.) We love you even when 5-7 of you send us an email that says the exact same thing, with the exact same picture/post with the exact same plea to “Break it down” or post it as “2nd-hand embarrassment.” (We’ve seen every one of the Twilight/Edward/Rob tattoos possible and promise we’re so 2nd-hand embarrassed we’re not even sure how to respond)

We love you all.

And we are huge fans, just like you

We are bloggers. We do this full time. (Don’t tell our bosses)

We also know about this thing called “Google alerts” and also use them. If you have a google alert set for the words “Rob Pattinson” (which all good RPattz fans should), you will get the same exact alerts that we get. It’s magic. Hug Larry Page next time you see him.

We usually find out those 5-7 things you sent us before anyone else (Except for Gozde at Robsessed.. that girl knows everything- We swear she’s actually Rob)

If we did not post something you emailed us 5-7 times, it was intentional. Cuz we can’t break it all down. We’re not superwomen (Fine yes, we are.. .but we limit our super powers to a limited number of things)

So, if in the next 5-7 minutes you were planning on drafting the following topics in an email to us, maybe think twice.

  • We’ve seen the Jizz in my Pants Twilight spoof & laughed hard. Like 6 months ago.
  • Taylor got buff. We know. We stared.hard would never care about that because he is a child
  • We will not feel bad if you send us hate mail because you bought the Edward Action figure thinking he’s be so awesome and so much fun, but it turns out he sucks. We told you that back in January. Just because we were the first to photograph him at random spots around the globe doesn’t mean it’s fun, in fact, it’s really 1st-hand embarassing.
  • Yep, we’ve seen the Wolfpack.  Yep, they’re smokin’.  Yep, we wish they would have been in the trailer too. Yep, we think they’ll be in the next one. Nope, we can’t admit Taylor is hot, he’s a child.
  • Yes. Seen the trailer. Finally admitting Taylor’s muscles are freakin’ hot. Arrest me, Chris Hansen. 17 is legal some places.

Love you 5-7 times more than you thought we did,
UC & Moon

This is not a post telling anyone to stop emailing us (unless you were about to press send on an email telling us Rob is in NYC- we KNOW), it is merely an excuse to use that hot picture of Ashley. Oh, and to also tell the girl who emailed us earlier (thinking we’re Rob) who is planning on telling her friends she found Rob Pattinson’s e-mail address that Rob is really looking forward to hearing from her.

-I have this weird thing where I have to mention Larry Page at least once a day.
-I think Moon is actually posting about seeing Sam Bradley this weekend on LTR. Go check now & e-mail her hate mail if she hasn’t shared with us her magical experience yet. I’ll give you her direct line at work to hate call her too.
-Guilty of e-mailing us news 6 months late? Follow us on Twitter and you’ll know whatever we know, whenever we know it
-Need more LTR or LTT and are sad we only post once per day? Go to the Forum & you’ll never be alone. (Seriously, we got 3 new viagara spammers yesterday who personally private messaged me asking for the e-mail addresses for lonely girls. Apparently they have a ‘fix’ for your lonliness)

62 Responses

  1. Once again, I just wanna say WOW and the fact you guys go through and filter through so much stuff…..

    Dear Rob,

    UC and Moon deserve some “special hugs”….have you seen what they do for you?

    Please email that girl who has your real email addy
    (I know you were really looking forward to hearing off of her!) so they can set up a time and place to exchange said “special hugs”…

    Thanks for doing them a proper 😉


    • yes please do me for sometimes reading email.

      stay very still i was to try one thing….

  2. This is genius….perfectly written, with just the right amount of sincerity and snark.

    I’m forwarding this post to Melissa Rosenberg. She needs to learn from the master(s). Amen.

    p.s. I kind of love y’all a whole lot. HEY–did you know Twilight won 5 awards at the MTV Movie Awards ? Rob and Kristen almost kissed! AMAZING!

  3. I swear every day I come to this site I learn something new. You two are like great Kung Fu masters…your wisdom humbles me every single day.

    Today I learned a valuable internet stalker technique…Google Alert. I won’t install it or even research it…I’m just amazed that it’s out there.

    Thank you for your insight to the world that is second to none, Masters.

    Love always,
    Your little grasshopper

  4. Oh and PS…I want Ashleys shoes.

    They make me feel…tingly.

  5. ‘ Oh, and to also tell the girl who emailed us earlier who is planning on telling her friends she found Rob Pattinson’s e-mail address that Rob is really looking forward to hearing from her’ ….

    Oh he totally is, better yet…include something romantic and mysterious in the email like….’and if you don’t marry me I will put a curse on you and your family for the next three generations, but I know that will never happen because you and I are meant for each other.’ This will really make the right impression!

    @UC…brill as per usual! xo

  6. Ok now I’m regretting sending you that gif yesterday… because right after I did I saw it on the forum and thought you probably already saw it… so…. you can just delete my email from yesterday… like you probably already did…. ok…. ok…

  7. Awesome post!

    I love Godze, she’s great 🙂

  8. I ❤ Google Alerts!! I realized, however, that I was at a new point in my obsession the day I set them up. I cried, but then got over it because I got all my Twi/Robbie news instantly and that is all that matters!!

  9. WHAT?

    This isn’t the REAL Robert Pattinson?!?! REALLY?


  10. Wait…what? Google Alerts?!?! That I did NOT know. Might or might not have to set that up.

    Okay, and ONE I don’t think I would ever have the balls to e-mail you something about Rob, because YES you ladies do know everything. I come to YOU for my information. Ha…so that’s out of the question.

    And TWO, how the HELL does Gozde know all of HER information? Maybe she is Rob…hmmm. Yeah, no.

    I think that’s all. ❤ you guys!!!

    And p.s. – That girl that think you actually might be Rob might or might not need to get evaluated. Seriously. Pass that word along to her…kthanks.

  11. Oh no. I am guilty of at least one of those e-mails. shit.

    p.s. – I hope I am still allowed to love you dearly.

    p.p.s.- I had your site minimized on my family’s shared computer the other day. My Mom saw the tab and said, “Are you writing letters to Twilight now?!” I think she was on the verge of having me committed when I tried to explain and had her read a post, thinking that would make me look less crazy. It did not. The look or worry and slight panick on her face remained.

    • That happened to me when I was on Letters to Rob. My husband thought I was going nuts. Actually, he still does. He rolls his eyes anytime I’m on LTR or LTT!

    • well, i don’t know what emails you’ve sent us, but MOST of the emails we get that apply to this post are from the same kind of people who think we’re rob. or twilight (whoever twilight is!)

      • Oh god, I’ve sent a few tattoo updates your way.

        While I would love to actually be corresponding with Rob or “Twilight”, I’m perfectly happy chatting with you ladies (unless you are really 50 year-old men in their undies… Actually, I’d still be fine with that so long as you make me alugh every morning and post sexy photos of Rob and Ash…).

  12. UC and Moon, thank you again for all that you do for us, and Twilight, and Rob. I needed this post to see how hard you work for us…. I appreciate it!!!

    I actually have no google alerts for Rob, or anything, (other than the name of a friend from HS I am hoping does something noteworthy so I can find him again), because I COUNT ON YOU to find all this stuff, post it, break it down, get 2nd hand embarassed (so I can get 3rd hand embarassed), so I don’t have to! Thanks for conveniently putting it all in one place for me.

  13. Boy I sure am glad I stopped doing that like 5-6 months ago before It got really embarrassing 🙂

    I refuse to do a google alert b/c I like getting all my news from you two. It is always so much funnier and snarkier for some reason.

    Larry Page you are awesome but UC is a rpattz google goddess!

  14. UC and Moon,

    I did send you a ‘Thank You’ email for giving me inspiration to start my own blog. And not just one but two. One for my random rob/twi life obsession and the other one for my paintings[also inspired by Adrienne Art Blog]. Hope that was okay. : )

    Much love

  15. though I have never emailed you, I am totally one of those people who find things out days and weeks after everyone else …So I will appologise for all the times that I have thought “wow, that’s so exciting! I wonder if the LTT girls know about this” …only to rush over here (or the forum) to find that it has already been discussed detail … yesterday!!!

    How have I never heard of “Google Alerts”?? I am online all day!!

    I am off to set some google alerts 😉

  16. thank god i didn’t send that one email about that one thing about Rob and Kristen…(i will be first in line to buy the book when you finally get all this funny stuff published!)

  17. if we get no emails for a week, i will cry. or maybe i’ll rejoice cuz i’ll be able to read the ones from the past 3 weeks that are still unread!

    thank you amourpsu for sending me that email about stephenie meyer having a website. thank you A LOT 🙂

  18. Oh God, I love you girls so damn much. LOL


  19. Did you know that they made a movie out of the Stephanie Meyer book, Twilight and the kid from Harry Potter is in it? Man he’s Hawt too! Blahhh

  20. You girl make me laugh every day!! Keep it coming! 🙂

  21. hold the phone…. Are you telling me you aren’t rob pattinson? Well that destroys my entire universe.
    Just a quick tip for you guys.
    I heard Dakota Fanning is going to be in New Moon!!! Can you believe that?

    This post is great. I totally understand. It’s like when my friends try to tell me new info on all things twilight. Only they get the information like a year after me. For instance last week a friend said ” did you know that the twight movie ( why does everyone call it “the twilight movie” as if that were it’s official title?) was filmed in Portland???
    I confess that sometimes when my friends think they are telling me “just off the press” info I pretend to be surprised A. To make them feel good about themselves and B. So they remain totally unaware of how well informed I truly am.
    Thank God for the iPhone thank Jesus for and thank the Holy Spirt for LTT/LTR.
    Never type in it will take you to a sus website featuring Robbie Williams. It’s not pretty people trust me I may or may not have made this mistake on several occasions.

    • my RL friends have finally started prefacing emails with “you probably know this, but…”
      i always do.

      SHOCK ME someone. SHOCK ME

    • OMG, I totally do that thing where I pretend I am not as well informed as I really am with RL people! Glad to know that’s Normal!

  22. @UC & Moon

    Ok you gals are soooo crushing on Ashley Greene! lol

    When can we expect LTA???????

  23. um, no wonder you ladies can’t keep up to the emails!! I set my google alerts just over an hour ago …and I come back to find 6 new alerts all saying Rob gave Kstew and ultimatum …what a waste of my mailbox space!!!!

    having said that, I have no intention of removing said alerts 😉

  24. @UC Well to tell you(LTT/LTR) are my 1st/main source for Rob/Twilight news. I check you guys out every morning early….except for recently because I’m on summer vacation and have been sleeping in…but other than that I check you guys out first and then head over to ther sites to see who else has info on Rob/Twilight. I feel like such a crack head…LOL 😀 But I wouldn’t have it any other way…I have such an ‘acute fondness’ for both!! 😉

  25. They made a movie about twilight?!

    I think anybody who writes to you girls thinking you are really Rob should get an automated email from “Rob” with an attachment of creepy stripper pole Rob.

  26. You ladies should be VERY proud of me…commenting like this, AND i just set up my VERY own google alerts. 🙂 I’m coming along with this obsession that I have…

    Now, I just have to work on getting a computer/internet at home, and you’ll hear so much from me that you’ll wish I never discovered this. HA. Think I’m kidding.

  27. “Just because we were the first to photograph him at random spots around the globe doesn’t mean it’s fun, in fact, it’s really 1st-hand embarassing.”

    … shit. is it? b/c i have fun – WAY.TOO.MUCH.FUN – photographing Pocket Edward here, there, and everywhere, and then forwarding these photographs to friends via email. and i’m rarely embarassed about it 😉 have i finally crossed the line?! are you all going to be seeing me on A&E’s ‘Intervention’ shortly?

    bah. whatever 🙂

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