Kickin’ arse and taking names with Cam Gigandet

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Dear Cam-

Your video on Funny or Die was part genius you truly ALMOST hit the mark with this one. Good call on cashing in on Twilight since your character James is dead now and won’t be back for any of the sequels so you miss out on all the extra publicity. The video is hilarious because it’s true and that’s what makes the video so great… but between you and me we all know if this every really happened, if you ever really encountered a group of crazy twihards be it preteens or twimoms in a book group you wouldn’t have won. Not at all. They would have “ripped you apart and burned the pieces.” Just like any good vampire killer would. Trust. Now be careful out there dear it’s a wild world!

You can run but you can’t hide!
Themoonisdown

Don’t forget ol Robby today or the forum!

Twilight n trashy magazines at 30,000 feet

Hi my name is what, my name is who, chicka chicka chicka Edward Cullen!

Hi my name is what, my name is who, chicka chicka chicka Edward Cullen!

Dear Rag-Mag Editors-

Since it’s Memorial Day I decided to head home to Phoenix to spend the long weekend with my family and while there to see fellow blogger of awesomeness Lauren from Lauren’s Bite. So of course plane flights mean MAGAZINES!!! Probably one of my most favorite parts of traveling. So I got to the airport excited to grab some reading material and EVERYWHERE I looked magazines had something Twilight related on the cover or inside. Twilight mania has officially taken over your printing industry and I can’t say I blame you for printing the stuff but seriously if you’re going to bother why not write something new?

Robert Pattinson CUT HIS HAIR! ZOMG!!!!!

Robert Pattinson CUT HIS HAIR! ZOMG!!!!!

OK!

Case in point OK! Magazine it drew me in because the cover had one of my fave Rob pics of all time plus the caption “Robert Pattinson Has The Blues.” What could be better right? Not so fast! You think you can fool us with THOSE PICTURES!! One is from freaking DECEMBER and the other is God knows how old… from EW last year sometime. And then the article references quotes from Catherine Hardwicke and talks about his love of Van Morrison. Hello, this is 2009 have we met? I kept waiting for a Hot Pocket reference.

Grade: F buy this is you’ve been living under a rock for the last 9 months or didn’t know Rob cut his hair in December.

Obviously NOT a Twi-hard fan

Obviously NOT a Twi-hard fan

US Weekly

Somehow I figured the hair stylist who found the scripts was some sassy chain smoking older tranny type and not Amy Pohler! Who knew she had her own salon in the midwest! Does ‘Gob’ have a Barbershop next door? St. Louis would rule.

And NO I don’t want Kate Gosselin’s reverse mullet dead beaver hairdo, but thanks for asking.

Puppy Love, Cannes and Cam!

Puppy Love, Cannes and Cam!

Then US Weekly earns some bonus points for having TWO MORE Twilight related features… one featuring actual RECENT pics. Shocker, I know! I flipped the page and those two cabbage patch dolls are staring at me at 30,000 feet. They’re so sickenly sweet I grabbed the barf bag.

Grade: B+ get this if quantity is your thing, you wanna read about the John & Kate train wreck or you really wanna know what swimsuit fits your body type (I should get a halter style, FYI).

I totally hugged this magazine and said a prayer for Chris Weitz

I totally hugged this magazine and said a prayer for Chris Weitz

Entertainment Weekly

If you have 4 bucks to waste this is the mag for you, it’s only two pages but they have exclusive photos that were actually exclusive from the set. Imagine that! And they do NOT disappoint. I cracked this baby open and gasped out loud cause it was SO good! I said to my seat neighbor, “THE BIRTHDAY SCENE!!” She quickly got up changed seats. Her loss! If she was a Twihard addict I would have been her dealer on that flight. Loser.

Grade: A+ Get this and hug it close to your chest and send one up to the big man upstairs that New Moon will live up to all our hopes and dreams. Ignore Eminem on the cover.

But back to you rag mag editors…

If you’re gonna feature anything Twilight related in your trashy pages can I ask that you at least give us some current pictures and news? I know this is the digital age and all but still! Try a little harder. Oh and can I get a refund on the OK mag?

Your faithful reader,
Themoonisdown

PS It was raining here in Phoenix and when I arrived my mom turned to me and said “Arizona, how you likin’ the rain girl?!… I’ve been waiting ALL day to say that to you!” Please love how awesome my mom is. Also she says a BIG thank you and WE DID IT to all those who voted for Kris Allen on American Idol!

Have an extra 40k laying around? Wanna buy Robert Pattinson’s affection for a few minutes? These people did!

Friday Forum daily chat rules!

Robert Pattinson and Emile Hirsch work Kristen Stewart

kristenandemile

Blonde Kristen bosses his around

Dear Kristen,

Did you about DIE when you saw who went out to dinner last night? Yep- Emile Hirsch (your co-star in Into the Wild, of course) and Robert Pattinson (your lover uh special friend?) You were probably shakin’ in your fugly hipster shoes, wondering what they were talking about, right? Don’t worry… we sent our spies in with a tape recorder and they caught the entire conversation. Enjoy!

Love,
UnintendedChoice and theMoonisDown

Lets him lead

Brunette Kristen lets him lead

Scene: In a dimly lit restaurant called Michaelangelo in Cannes, France. Emile Hirsch sits across from Robert Pattinson. Rob picks up his fork and puts a ravioli in his mouth. Emile picks up his fork, like he’s about to indulge in a piece of chicken parm, but stops and says,

Emile: So how you likin’ Kristen? The girl can hang, ifyouknowwhati’msayin’
Rob
: (almost choking, realizing the conversation they’re about to have…) Uh, she’s great. We’re good friends. How did you like working with her?
Emile
: Well man, to tell you the truth, she knows how she wants it to be done. We had to take our time on everything. “Slow and easy wins the race” was her motto
Rob
: Really? she was more timid with me. Allowed me to lead
Emile
: WOW we must be talking a different gal cause she was insane. Always commanding me how to do it and which way was best. Fast, slow, again- time after time. Totally wore me out
Rob
: (somewhat defensively) Well, I mean.. I see saw that side of her…. especially when she was drinking… she got a little aggressive.
Emile
: you guys drank on the job?
Rob
: (a little confused) Uh, we did one time.. It was someone’s birthday, I think….
Emile
: Well we didn’t drink. It was natural every time. She wanted to remember everything- be “totally in the moment,” she said
Rob
: (obviously hurt b/c Kristen must’ve been drank a lot) I think being drunk loosened her up… I mean… she said it was fun.. but maybe… I dunno… maybe she….
Emile
: (cutting Rob off) Wow, man! This sounds like a totally different Kristen, every time we were in front of cameras she brought her A game
Rob
: She let you use a camera? I tried that once, but she freaked out- something about something that happened with Paris Hilton one time
Emile
: (blank scare… and silence….. )
Rob
: (awkward rambling now) It was a good thing anyway, because then Oregano knocked on the hotel door… and she flipped out and couldn’t find her clothes. which was ironic because it was her first time doing it completely naked- she usually keeps at least one article of clothing on.. she claims it’s some sort of “protection” thing.. (although I really just think she’s a “never nude”) It was a mess dude. Taught me to never eff your costars!
Emile
: (silence) Uh wait, what are we talking about here?
Rob
: uh… hooking up with Kristen?
Emile
: (silence)
Rob
: (sensing his discomfort) I mean, I didn’t know for sure that you guys did.. She never told me- she doesn’t talk about her exes like that (well, except for Oregano) so when you started talking about it, I just rolled with it and pretended I knew… sorry… It’s kinda awkward isn’t it? Wondering if she compared us…. I mean-
Emile
: (cutting Rob off) Dude, you asked me about working with Kristen. I was just talking about acting with her!
Rob
: Uh, what? Ummm. Hmm?… oh look- there’s a Russian chick with big boobs…!

Welcome to our first LTT “Role Play.” Don’t worry, we DID joke about putting on lingere and said “let’s cyber” at least 3 times. And we even have a “safe word” (cinnamon). Also- we felt way 2nd hand embarrassed, yet we suffered through it- because that’s what good bloggers do- role play awkward situations between two somewhat sorta greasy actors….

After the break see an amazing video of Emile & Rob. Watch out! It’s really amazing:

Continue reading

Taylor Lautner and Selena Gomez come out. Officially.

And they called it puuupppyyyy looooveeee

And they called it puuupppyyyy looooveeee

Dear Taylor-

Looks like someone had the DTR* talk recently!! I can’t say how excited I am for you two… you’re so cute I just want to squeeze you like a couple of cabbage patch kids!

As a girl with an ass ton of guy friends I can say with some authority that I believe a DTR talk has occurred because unless you two are underage drunk in broad daylight on the sidewalk in front of the paps, no one goes for the under the boob side grab. Not even good friends.

Have your fun and kick out the jams with Selena now because puppy love is fleeting but Wolfgirl love is forever.

Your older wiser faux sister something
Themoonisdown

*for the uninitiated or those no longer in High School, DTR= “define the relationship”

Picture Source: Lainey Gossip

The New Moon movie poster leaks and makes a big impression on the Quad! That’s what she said!

You bes be steppin' Edward! There's a new set of cheekbones in town!

You bes be steppin' Edward! There's a new set of cheekbones in town!

Dear LTT-ers

So when the official New Moon poster leaked yesterday evening we KNEW there had to be a special “Breaking it down Vanity Fair Style” post on Letters to Twilight. So I shined the Quad Signal in the sky and we all convened at a google chat room our super top secret lair of awesomness and commenced a super-de-dooper fangirl breaking it down!  So get yourself a cocktail and a comfortable chair and settle in cause this one’s a dooooozy…  and see how many times Eastfriend talks about cheekbones and a special fake prize to anyone who catches how many time’s we say “that’s what she said.”

Get excited folks, New Moon is around the corner!
Themoonisdown, UnintendedChoice and the Quad

moon: myello
Eastfriend: i am here and i am enjoying deliciousness. and cheekbones.
moon: omg the bigger one is SO much better! THATS WHAT SHE SAID
UC: SOOOOO GOOOOD hahahah
moon: you can see all the details!
Eastfriend: THATS WHAT SHE SAID!
UC: good start so hot. lemme pull it up. THATS what she said! off to a great start
Eastfriend:  i love that jacob is in between them…that is KEY!
moon: the pissed off faces
moon: rob definitely gives better face
Eastfriend: he gives better head. ahem.
moon: that too. and the FISTS!! time to fight boys!
Eastfriend: loving the crest.
Eastfriend: CHeekBONeS. forever.
moon: no tattoo in the shot though. big reveal later
UC: I know when they did this poster
moon: it was that DAY with all those great pics on set
Eastfriend: yep.
Eastfriend: cheekbones.
UC: you’re loving those bones huh? that’s what she said
UC: He looks the same. and amazing. short hair. his hair is a bit longer now
Eastfriend: he looks exactly same, that’s why he had the orange blush on that day–photoshoot.
moon: the wardrobe

Summer Donna! Simmer down now!

Summer Donna! Simmer down now!

UC: yep exactly. Tay’s loooking great. I’m so proud of him
Eastfriend: her hair is lamespice.
UC: like he’s my lil brother. Kristen looks beautiful though, her face
moon: jacob looks like he’s somewhere between pouting and being sassy
moon: hes been taking classes with selena at the disney school of faces
UC: Tay looks dark next to Rob. which is good. he wishes it were Selena
UC: do you think that Kristen wanted to push over Taylor to get to Rob? but couldn’t b/c of his huge native american muscles?
EastFriend: rob is 100% better than last poster. thank GOD!
UC: So far this photographer is awesome i mean.. the green screen is cool. and the photoshopper is awesome
Eastfriend: CHEEkboneS.
Moon: yea SO much better than the last. he looks more real and less lame-o vampire

Much more to be covered… Rob’s makeup tips, inspecting things south of the border, Westfriend weighs in and MORE after the cut Continue reading

The Twilight Museum of Art

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s Monday and I couldn’t be happier to celebrate this glorious, beautiful sun shiny day! I spent all yesterday thinking about how much I couldn’t wait for Monday, my favorite day of the week, and to share with you all the awesome pieces of Twilight art I’ve been collecting… it’s like a virtual museum of all the best artists in the world on my hard drive right now!

Now sit back and enjoy this joyous Monday!
Themoonisdown

alicedrawing

click to enlarge and enjoy the beauty!

When I look into Alice’s eyes I can really see the soul of her character… it’s almost like she’s seeing the future and the artist just happened to catch it on paper

click to enlarge and enjoy his true beauty

click to enlarge and enjoy his true beauty

I’m glad Edward’s true self has been captured for all the world to see. It was so obvious in the books that Edward was really a make up artist waiting to break free and show his love of MAC’s “Russian Red” lipstick. Sometimes it just takes a talented artist to bring a characters true self out

To continue this tour of the best art in the world take the cut!
Continue reading

Bad case of lovin’ Dr. Cullen

We haven’t posted a fan letter in awhile on LTT and have never posted a letter to Carlisle. It’s high time the Doctor gets some lovin’ too!

damages_facinelliDear Dr. Cullen-

Alright. This isn’t easy for me…. but I think it needs to be said.

I love you.

I was in denial for a long time. I thought Edward was the only vampire for me. You were a father figure to me while I read the books, and I loved you, but in a completely non-sexual kind of way. You were kind of Dumbledore-esque— a wise, mysterious older man that has all the answers and an incredible gift for what he does.

But then… somewhere in the wee morning hours of November 21st 2008, you pushed your way through that emergency room door and into my pants heart. It hit me like a ton of bricks…. Being in my early 20’s myself, I thought—realistically—who would I rather have: a 17 year old virginal vampire, or a 23 year old vampire doctor with 300+ years of *ahem* “life” experience, known for his unparalleled compassion and being extreme skillful with his hands?

dr-cullenSo Carlisle, I just can’t help myself. I want to have bed breaking, house crushing, mind-blowingly awesome vampire sex with you!! (Even if it means a half human half vampire baby will break my spine and eat its way out of my body…).

I mean, what’s one night of lust with a Twilight fan when you’ve got eternity?! Seriously?!?! I’ll have a chat with Esme if you want me to. I’m sure she won’t mind. Hell, Esme could come too! As long as she promised never to wear that stupid hat from the baseball scene again (Let’s not lie, it made her head look a good 6 inches taller than any normally proportioned head should be… not to mention it brought attention to her *ahem* “extraordinarily realistic wig”).

Furthermore, based on the amount videos montages of you I’ve seen set to Sexyback and Doctor Doctor, I know that I’m not the only one with these feelings. If you won’t indulge me with one night of pleasure… then I will ask you this:

Since you’ve lived through the entire history of modern medicine… do us all a favor, and spend the next 100 years as a gynecologist.

Carlisle Cullen, OBGYN. I think it has a nice ring to it.

Call me!

-Schön Duck

2nd Hand Embarrassment – I Kissed Your Mom, Bella Swan

Dear LTT-ers

Wow just WOW there’s so much 2nd hand Embarrassment in this video I don’t know where to start. I just want to turn it off or look away but these videos are like car crashes you just can’t stop staring in horror at the tangled mess. First off I think someone owes Katy Perry an apology for totally screwing over her song “I Kissed A Girl” cause OF COURSE they changed it to “I Kissed Your Mom” with a Jacob and Bella theme and then added in all kinds of terrible fan art.
Witness the offenses…

fanartbellabike
Yes, if you couldn’t tell this toddler on a motorbike cruising her way through what is obviously Forks, Washington is supposed to be Bella. Nothing says MILF like a bug eyed-anime eyed kid on a Little Tykes trike.

creepyPSjacob
And OF COURSE what embarrassing picture video montage even remotely featuring Jacob is complete without this super creepy totally photoshopped picture. How long has this gross pic been floating around and people are STILL using it. Nice painted on wig, dude.

And I’ve saved the best part of the video for last…

jacobfanart
I don’t know about you all but this is totally how I pictured the imprinting scene going down, complete with heart eyeballs and wolftail! Seriously??!! Come on people! Actually this might belong in Monday Funnies.

Make it stop!!

I kissed your mom and I liked it, her cougar lips invited… her hungry eyes, her quivering thighs… (wtf!)
themoonisdown

Check out the rest of our 2nd hand embarrassment

The Twilosophy of fandom

Dear fans of stuff,

Today I want to discuss crazy fans. Boy do I have lots of stories! We shared a few of our favorite crazy e-mails we’ve received awhile back on LTR and since then have just been hoarding them for our own personal collection.  Every few days when we’re feeling particularly low, we open up that folder and read what the crazies have to say.  Then we pray and thank the Lord that we are not like them. (With all the praying we’ve been doing, we’re sure to get the best seats in Heaven!)

a

Hot girls bother them at dinner

Hot girls bother them at dinner

What I want to know is how a normal person turns into a crazy person.  I don’t need to understand why a crazy person acts crazy- it’s their nature! But how do you explain when an attractive, successful driven-woman loses her cool? I’m not even talking about the mothers who leave their families to stalk the Vancouver set(s) for days on end and think it’s a “coincidence” when they keep bumping into ALL the cast members (FYI- it’s not a coincidence when you’re purposely stalking their hotels, restaurants and hang out places) or get offended when security guards take THEIR picture with their cell phones (Which, by the way, was so that they could text YOUR picture to all the other security guards so that you are put on the “she’s crazy- don’t let her near Rob- list”)

a

Actually, no he doesn't...

Actually, no he doesn't... (click if you dare)

No, I’m talking about the people who seem normal in MOST areas of their lives, but it might just be one little thing.  They have great jobs, a great boyfriend or husband, maybe some cute kids and a dog, but their kids are named “Emmet Edward” and “Jacob Embry.” And what about the unicorn who is attractive and talented, yet keeps saying he was “touched real” by Twilight? Oh, and what does it mean when that normal woman whose young boys were mentioned above is pregnant and has named the little girl in her womb Bella Rose?

Seriously? What does it mean? Help me find out, after the jump Continue reading

Characters that got the shaft in the movie Vol. 1: Jasper

Jasper_Cullen

Dear Jasper –

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now since I first saw the movie and now that I’m rereading Twilight (again). I’ve come to a conclusion Jasper: I think you got royally screwed in the movie. You (as well as some others I will cover in later posts) got screwed out of some majorly needed character development and denied one of the most powerful and in my personal opinion one of the BEST scenes from the book. You know the one… if you’ve got your bibles Twilight books handy it’s on page 404, near the end after the baseball scene they’re in the garage and everyone has run off to chase after James and Victoria while Alice and Jasper take Bella to Phoenix. Bella and Jasper are alone in the garage and this exchange takes place…

Jasper and I looked at each other. He stood across the length of the entryway from me… being careful.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he said quietly.

“What?” I gasped.

I can feel what you’re feeling now — and you are worth it.”

“I’m not,” I mumbled. “If anything happens to them, it will be for nothing.”

“You’re wrong,” he repeated, smiling kindly at me.

jasperaliceAmazing, isn’t it? Calm, cool reassuring Jasper says one of the most profound ideas of the entire saga, the whole basis for why they put themselves in danger, the reasoning behind Edward’s love for her. That above all else SHE’S WORTH IT! And it was not in the movie! What were they thinking? They added in some totally necessary parts and left THIS gem out? I really can’t quite understand that. Not only was this amazing scene cut from the movie we also never really learn fully about your abilities, Jasper. It’s mentioned that you’re “special” like Edward and Alice but they never explain how or why. Instead Jackson is forced to play Jasper as some sort of Edward Scissorhands caricature with crazy eyes and a serious need for Immodium AD. When really he’s a much deeper character with very deep emotions.

I understand the limitations of film but I still think you got screwed and I can only hope that they get it right from here on out with not only your character Jasper but with a lot of other ones. And while we’re at it can you tell Stephenie Meyer once she’s through finishing Midnight Sun she can start on the Alice/Jasper story. I’m DYING simply DYING to know more! I need to read the diner scene and get all ooey gooey with some Jasper and Alice love.

Soothe me Jasper,
Themoonisdown

Now don’t jump the gun… this is volume ONE and we have plenty of other characters to talk about!

Don’t let the good times end, head over to the forum and today’s daily chat!