Twilight n trashy magazines at 30,000 feet

Hi my name is what, my name is who, chicka chicka chicka Edward Cullen!

Hi my name is what, my name is who, chicka chicka chicka Edward Cullen!

Dear Rag-Mag Editors-

Since it’s Memorial Day I decided to head home to Phoenix to spend the long weekend with my family and while there to see fellow blogger of awesomeness Lauren from Lauren’s Bite. So of course plane flights mean MAGAZINES!!! Probably one of my most favorite parts of traveling. So I got to the airport excited to grab some reading material and EVERYWHERE I looked magazines had something Twilight related on the cover or inside. Twilight mania has officially taken over your printing industry and I can’t say I blame you for printing the stuff but seriously if you’re going to bother why not write something new?

Robert Pattinson CUT HIS HAIR! ZOMG!!!!!

Robert Pattinson CUT HIS HAIR! ZOMG!!!!!


Case in point OK! Magazine it drew me in because the cover had one of my fave Rob pics of all time plus the caption “Robert Pattinson Has The Blues.” What could be better right? Not so fast! You think you can fool us with THOSE PICTURES!! One is from freaking DECEMBER and the other is God knows how old… from EW last year sometime. And then the article references quotes from Catherine Hardwicke and talks about his love of Van Morrison. Hello, this is 2009 have we met? I kept waiting for a Hot Pocket reference.

Grade: F buy this is you’ve been living under a rock for the last 9 months or didn’t know Rob cut his hair in December.

Obviously NOT a Twi-hard fan

Obviously NOT a Twi-hard fan

US Weekly

Somehow I figured the hair stylist who found the scripts was some sassy chain smoking older tranny type and not Amy Pohler! Who knew she had her own salon in the midwest! Does ‘Gob’ have a Barbershop next door? St. Louis would rule.

And NO I don’t want Kate Gosselin’s reverse mullet dead beaver hairdo, but thanks for asking.

Puppy Love, Cannes and Cam!

Puppy Love, Cannes and Cam!

Then US Weekly earns some bonus points for having TWO MORE Twilight related features… one featuring actual RECENT pics. Shocker, I know! I flipped the page and those two cabbage patch dolls are staring at me at 30,000 feet. They’re so sickenly sweet I grabbed the barf bag.

Grade: B+ get this if quantity is your thing, you wanna read about the John & Kate train wreck or you really wanna know what swimsuit fits your body type (I should get a halter style, FYI).

I totally hugged this magazine and said a prayer for Chris Weitz

I totally hugged this magazine and said a prayer for Chris Weitz

Entertainment Weekly

If you have 4 bucks to waste this is the mag for you, it’s only two pages but they have exclusive photos that were actually exclusive from the set. Imagine that! And they do NOT disappoint. I cracked this baby open and gasped out loud cause it was SO good! I said to my seat neighbor, “THE BIRTHDAY SCENE!!” She quickly got up changed seats. Her loss! If she was a Twihard addict I would have been her dealer on that flight. Loser.

Grade: A+ Get this and hug it close to your chest and send one up to the big man upstairs that New Moon will live up to all our hopes and dreams. Ignore Eminem on the cover.

But back to you rag mag editors…

If you’re gonna feature anything Twilight related in your trashy pages can I ask that you at least give us some current pictures and news? I know this is the digital age and all but still! Try a little harder. Oh and can I get a refund on the OK mag?

Your faithful reader,

PS It was raining here in Phoenix and when I arrived my mom turned to me and said “Arizona, how you likin’ the rain girl?!… I’ve been waiting ALL day to say that to you!” Please love how awesome my mom is. Also she says a BIG thank you and WE DID IT to all those who voted for Kris Allen on American Idol!

Have an extra 40k laying around? Wanna buy Robert Pattinson’s affection for a few minutes? These people did!

Friday Forum daily chat rules!

60 Responses

  1. EW rocks my world. As does that almost-kiss. They get a big round of super hugs for that one. It appears the fasting and praying (mostly praying!) just might pay off. Like I had any doubt. (Chris Weitz, I love you.)

    OK! is lamespice. Since you referenced Lauren, I will quote her here.

    And your mom is my hero. Because I think we both know I’m kinda the younger version of her.

    But I’m kinda sad you didn’t see Jesse Jackson on this flight. What a letdown. Oh well, mom jeans and carry-on amps to the rescue!!!! Have fun in Arizony!

    • i will tongue kiss chris wietz if he lives up to these pictures and what he’s saying in all the interviews. sho nuff.

      and yes my mom is the bestest!

  2. Have a great trip to AZ…note to self run out and buy EW NOW!!!!!! Happy Friday!!! 🙂

    Sidenote: Due to a ‘bad weather day’ taken in Feb…my lameass has to be at work this Mon(Memorial Day)…doing field day like a loser 😦 !!! Ya’ll enjoy your day off though…

  3. I think I also need to reference Lauren when I say: Moon, your mom is the bombdotcom.

    And I love those EW pics! I am very excited about Chris Weitz.

  4. I definitely gasped when I saw those birthday scene photos. And then I cried because I can’t wait until November. And now I have to go buy that EW magazine, which will make me cry more because I feel compelled to buy the entire magazine just for those two pages.

    Thank you for sharing. 🙂

  5. 1st:

    “I flipped the page and those two cabbage patch dolls are staring at me at 30,000 feet. They’re so sickenly sweet I grabbed the barf bag.”




    OMG!! I KNOW!! Don’t have the mag yet but saw pics on the interweb and I sqquuueeeeeeed just like that!! I don’t know why, but I love Kristen/Bella there: the outfit, being on the floor. I can just TELL it’s gonna be a GREAT scene. 😀

    And finally:

    “It was raining here in Phoenix and when I arrived my mom turned to me and said “Arizona, how you likin’ the rain girl?!… I’ve been waiting ALL day to say that to you!” Please love how awesome my mom is.”

    She is SOOOO AWESOME!! Can you share your mommy with me Moonie-Pie? I could use an awesome parent.

    And P.S. Luv the thumbs up in the EW pic. LPL!!

  6. I’m running out to buy EW today. And Teen Beat. (Wait, did I just say that out loud?)

    I don’t know what I could say about your mom that hasn’t already been said, except that I wish I had a mom who would embrace my passions, rather than tsking disapprovingly.

    Have a good long weekend, Arizona!

    • wait you dont have a subscription to teen beat?!

      yes everyone needs someone to enable their obsessions! haha!

  7. looks like i am going to go buy a magazine. i haven’t bought any magazines in a really long time.

    side note “mullet dead beaver hairdo” classic. mullets on women are not funny. mullets on men are super funny.

    i am so sick about hearing about the gosselins. they live somewhere around here so we hear so much gossip on them it isn’t even funny.

  8. Moon, your mom totally rules.

    I have to run off now and drive my daughter on a field trip for school. I hope she is a world-famous super-funny blogger someday. Then I will save up funny remarks to make all day, and I will rule, too!

    I like how I made this about me, somehow….

    Kate Gosslein seems to have lost her mind. That is the only explanation for that haircut and that TV show.

    • “world-famous super-funny blogger”

      you jest!


      and yes i feel for her kids and her husband. what a crazy train they are

  9. Have a great time in Arizona… and give your mom ~ who is daaabomb for raising your awesomeness ~ a big thank-you smooch from all of us.

  10. @ Moon Your mom is awesome. Not only would my mom not quote the movie, but she actually had the audacity to roll her eyes at me when I mentioned anything about it. And she wonders why I cannot move back to Fl. GRRR!

    Anyhoo…thanks for the info. I don’t normally buy ‘trash rags’ but even a small pic of Rob on the cover causes me to pick it up while waiting in the grocery store line. Now thanks to your grading scale I can resist the temptation to pay for them when I know I’ve prob already seen them all!

  11. I love that you squeed “THE BIRTHDAY SCENE” and your seat neighbor moved!!! It would have been much cooler for your seat buddy was some unicorn and you all could discuss the scene in detail and make comparisons based on the book vs the one picture you have from the movie!

    • i had a copy of new moon too! we could have dissected the finer points of the scene.

      then they would have dragged me off in a straight jacket once we arrived.

  12. LMAO I almost spit drink out my nose with that line your mom said. Too cool!

  13. Thank you for this post. I feel like it was a book report. ANd I love book reports.

  14. haha oh man it rained here in Tucson yesterday too and I never thought to say “how you likin the rain” to someone ha

    Must go by EW now….thanks!

  15. @Moon – I love your mom so much!!! That’s awesome.

    And can I just say that I squeeeed out loud in the office when I saw the EW “almost kiss” pic with Rob and Kstew?! Omg, I can’t wait!!!!


  16. “And NO I don’t want Kate Gosselin’s reverse mullet dead beaver hairdo, but thanks for asking.”


    She looks awful these days…I’m like WTF are you thinking with your hair? I mean, all my friends in the 80s had this haircut, sure, but they were dudes. Skater dudes.

  17. I feel a little lame because I don’t know what “ZOMG” stands for. I got the “OMG” part but what does the “Z” stand for? Zebra? Zombie? Zacquisha?

  18. ok your thumb could totally pass for a Cullen thumb..thatsalliamsayin 🙂


  19. “I kept waiting for a Hot Pocket reference.”

    I love you forever.

    Umm…hi. I read that article and I need to buy a swim suit with high cut bottoms to fake the illusion of a “smaller thigh”. True story.

    So, I love this mag report. Love it. But I must know…what did it say about Pine Sol and Audrina?

    • that was the one of the main reasons i bought the us weekly as you know. said she was seen at his apt and at a bar in THAT neighborhood… but no ones confirmed anything so im holding out hope that he’s not THAT stupid. cause if so i will be very sad and have to switch all my non-rob love and affections to the ultra fancy zach-y

  20. i want that ew mag, right now..
    im gonna go buy it, right now..
    the near-kissing picture makes me wanna scream
    november is not coming fast enough

  21. OK mag= EPIC FAIL…they never have new twilight news *rolls eye*

    I MUST have that EW mag, I will love Chris Weitz forever if he makes this movie live up to my expectations 😀

    lol your mom sounds awesome

  22. Moon- I heart you and your mom! Entire post had me giggling, but the loser bit and the mom bit cinched the deal. Brilliant!

  23. hahaha this line is a classic!

    your mom is a team newkie for sure. welcome to the club mom!

    gee!!!!!!! look at the new pics, so awesome. i’m fired up!

  24. I ❤ your mom! WTF was up with the AZ rain yesterday and this morning? Not that I'm complaining too much, but 110 degree weather and then 78 degrees. I kept thinking when did it become August and the monsoons started? LOL!

    I pretty much get a good laugh outta L&S and OK mags, their "news" is just crap. Booyakasha!

  25. “And NO I don’t want Kate Gosselin’s reverse mullet dead beaver hairdo, but thanks for asking.”

    Oh god, i just died a little.
    keep up the amazing work you guys:)

  26. Your Mom does kick ass… cause whenever I mention anything rometely close to the topic of Twilight/Robert Pattinson or Vampires…. she rolls her eyes…

    And I stopped reading those damn magazines. I get my twilight news from the blog ‘Confessions of a Twilight Addict’ and my daily intake of Mr. Pattinson from RobObsessed.

    And then I hope over to LTT and LTR and get my daily intake of giggles!

    Who needs magazines when you got daily entertainment than what’s right here!

    Have I mentioned lately that I love your blog… and I secretly confess my undying love for you two!! Cause you have made my day countless times!!

    Lots of Love and $20 000 worth of cheek kisses from Rob;


  27. Can I just say how much I am loving you at this moment???!!!

    Kris Allen (love my hometown boy!!)


    “And NO I don’t want Kate Gosselin’s reverse mullet dead beaver hairdo, but thanks for asking.” ( I have been searching for the words to describe her tragic hair…I will search no longer)

    Of course I love all of the Twilight stuff too!

  28. Your mom is TOTALLY awesome! That was amazing.

  29. Oh, and I nearly snorted my coffee when I read the comment about Kate’s hair, OME!

  30. I have this feeling that New Moon is going to be the shizz.
    Way better than Twilight, not that i dont like it but just from these pictures it looks amazing :]
    Your mom is the bomb like tick tick.

  31. […] because I love trashy, semi true, semi untrue, rag mags and started this feature over on Letters to Twilight and thought we should bring it over here to your neck of the woods, Rob, since you’re […]

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