Free Therapy for the Twilight Lover

Dear needy Twilighters,

Q: "Why don't the Twi boys like ME?" A: "Screw them. Come visit our Unicorns at LTT!"

Ashley Greene on my couch: Q: "Why don't the Twi boys like ME?" A: "Screw them. Come visit our Unicorns at LTT!"

We really should start charging. I mean every day we get e-mails and comments from people all over the globe thanking us for giving them an outlet for their Twi-(and Rob) session & an opportunity to connect with other people “just like them.” I mean, people who meet on LTR & LTT are meeting up all over the country- 4 gals met in Nashville last weekend. Two met for lunch a few days ago. One of our forum mods is flying to visit an LTR buddy she met just 2 months back. And any day we expect an invitation from either ArmyUnicorn or Jordan for their wedding to a girl they met on LTT. People pay good money for this kind of therapy! Why are we doing it for free? (Note to Moon: write down in Twidea book “start charging a LOT of money for services offered.”

We just want to share a little story with you so that you know what CAN happen if you listen to your Aunt UnintendedChoice and Aunt TheMoonisDown.  All your dreams can come true:

About a month ago, we received a comment on LTT from a new reader. She said,

I am writing to ask for your help. I previously wrote to tell you that I was new to Twilight and really enjoyed y’alls site. That enjoyment is quickly turning into obsession, as I can easily tell has happened to millions.

I really enjoyed your post about being well-rounded, great ideas! I just can’t seem to get enough and it is totally affecting so many parts of my life. In some ways, it is wonderful…..others, distracting. I was recently snow sking while on vacation with my family. I spent so much of the time thinking about how I could squeeze in Twilight. I would listen to the soundtrack while skiing, think about it on the lift, on the slopes. My husband is very understanding and he even built me an Edward snowman and made a comment that the snow sparkled like Edward.

Since I am “new” to all this, I am curious to know how long I should expect this obsession to last. I spend every free moment I have reading the books…again, watching the movie….again, looking at websites…again. When does it get easier? When can I pull myself away? Thanks so much for any help you can lend. I truly appreciate the dedication and commitment you have to people like me! -dazzled

I put on my glasses, pulled my hair up into a sexy loose bun, straightened out the pillows on my therapy couch then had my way with Rob on it invited dazzled to hear my amazing (free) advice:

Hmm… good question! The major obsession will pass… eventually, but if it’s really affected you, which is seems like it has, you might just have to figure out how to balance it in your life. My suggestion- try reading another book. It will be hard, but it will be good for you! Turn off the soundtrack- maybe try something FROM the soundtrack- Mutemath or Muse? Tell yourself you can only look online for twilight news 3 days a week…. It’ll pass.. but it sounds like it might be with you for awhile!

Problem solved. NEXT for the couch: Pattinson Pants lady wants to know if she should or should not wear her Pattinson Pants when she meets Pattinson. Um, hell no. You’re crazy.

After the jump, see the update we just got this week from our “client” dazzled.

UC & Moon:

Thought y’all would enjoy the funny story! Who would have thought, my own Twilight baby! ❤ dazzled

I wrote to y’all a while back in response to your post about living a balanced life. At that time, I had just read the saga and watched the movie. I quickly became obsessed, like so many. I asked how long this would last and UC said for a while but to take baby steps during the process. Well, one of y’alls recommendations [in the well-rounded Twilight Fan post] was more sex, which was already happening because, like I said, I was obsessed and having more sex was a benefit my husband didn’t mind at all.

Well, yesterday I found out I was pregnant! I am so incredibly excited as my husband and I had been trying for a long time. But that isn’t exactly why I am writing.

I told my husband last night the big news. He was overfilled with joy! About 30 minutes later, he giggled and said “WOW! You have your own Twilight baby now!” I almost choked! I hadn’t thought of that. Then he said, “If it is a boy are we naming it Edward or Rob” That was just too much and thought I would pee in my pants from laughing so hard.

We love it! Our very first LTT-baby! See what happens when you take our advice!? Congrats to you, Dazzled! And congrats to everyone else who has ever sat on our couch, taken our advice, laughed at our posts, thought about Twilight or lusted after Rob… you TOO will soon have your very own Twilight-baby! Or.. something….


Oh and Dazzled? If you have a girl and even THINK of Renesmee as name... Well, then.. get the hell off my couch!

Oh and Dazzled? If you have a girl and even THINK of Renesmee as name... Well, then.. get the hell off my couch!

No, we won’t start ‘charging’ for our services, and we think we should be paying YOU all because you are so good to us! On December 8th, 2008, when Moon & I decided to share with “the world” our embarrassing fan-girlyness over the Vanity-Fair 1 hour video, we never imagined in a million years that this many other people would want to laugh along with us. We knew some people would.. but we figured it would just be our roommates from college and our mutual friend “hisoneandonly.” Seriously, running this site and “meeting” you all has been a sort-of therapy for the both of us. From shitty jobs to crappy stuff that happens in family & friend life, it’s been amazing to feel so supported here & just meet awesome people who make US laugh BACK! We Love you all! AWWWW Sappy, UC!

Now tell us something therapuetic or awesome from living the Twi-life and then get your asses on over to the Forum to chat it up in the Daily Chat!

85 Responses

  1. duly noted. adding to the idea book.

    im SOOO excited about our very own LTT inspired baby!!!!!!

    ps doesnt fake reneesme’s head look glued to bellas? and edward is SO not having it in that pic. god i love that creepy embarrassing ‘art’

    pps GUSH GUSH GUSH, i love it!

  2. “From shitty jobs to crappy stuff that happens in family & friend life” – Wait? You read minds?

    Congrats on the first LTT/LTR baby! Screw infertility doctors … go to LTR!

  3. Holy wow, that’s amazing! lol
    Congratulations to you & the hubby!

    Is it weird that I’m genuinely excited for you!?
    Your answer would be: nope, that’s normal.

  4. Man… I thought that I was the only one that got all hot and bothered over Twilight. I do feel bad about taking advantage of my husband whenever I read that part in Eclipse when Edward comes home from hunting. Or that part in Breaking Dawn when Bella wakes up with feathers everywhere. Yeah… I cannot believe it has effected my life so much. My husband can’t believe it either.

    Congratulations on the baby!

    • oh i know how you feel!

      • My husband is oblivious that whenever I get all crazy on him, I’ve just read a certain part of one of the books. I haven’t told him either. Is that bad?

        • No. Not Bed. just keep doing what you’re doing.

          Now you owe me $115 for that piece of advice 🙂

          • Oh, I will keep doing what I’m doing in the sake of my husband’s sex life. I truly do continue reading the series over and over again simply for him to be pleasured. At least, if he were to ever find out about this, that’s what I’d be telling him.

          • OMg, my Twilight obsession, which happened when I was taken to see the movie, and lead to reading, re-reading, listening to the books, becoming addicted to your blog and others, and then FANFICTION!!! It’s my new obsession, and is even doing podcasts of the most popular ones now!! I’ve been begging my fave author to do it, but it’s happening over there!

            The point of this post however is that I’m sitting there reading fanfics and attacking my husband constantly, and he doesn’t know what the hell hit him!! But, it’s awesome! And I don’t think I’m ever going to tell him cause then he’ll (find out that ) think that I’m using him! So,I agree, Twilight has brought me to a new level in my sex life. Steph, I really doubt that’s what you intended-no pun intended unintended- but thank you, lovin it!!!

        • Aké zlaté :* chcem už vidieť twilight 4-úsvit ❤

  5. OO a LTT baby. Congrats!!

    It is so exciting that people are meeting on here! I love this site and you ladies. I want to find a Twi friend to email constantly about Twi gossip and not feel like a total fan girl about it. Haha

    I’m so siked that couples are meeting here. How romantic 😉

  6. Of course we’ll have to give her a Twilight-themed baby shower, complete with sippy cups decorated with lions and lambs, onesies with the Cullen crest, burp cloths personalized with apples, ruffled tulips, red ribbons and chess pieces, and a CD of lullaby music, scored by Debussey.

    Congrats, Dazzled!

  7. Yayy. I love babies! Well, when they’re not throwing up on me.

    Sooo when can we expect a mascot??

    Dear Moon & UC,
    I have urges to snap pics of my hater-hubs sleeping with a life-size cut out of Edward & TwiMerch and plaster them all over the internet and his job.…I don’t need therapy for this…I need an accomplice. Ya know…..someone to help me pull it off! =D

    • i agree.. you don’t need therapy- you need an accomplice. i want those pics PRONTO!

      • Ohhh… I will so be your accomplice.

        • GOOD! This will be a highly covert and dangerous operation…..I’ve got connections for you with the witness protection program just in case!


          • Fantastic! This doesn’t have anything to do about Twilight but my husband kept begging me for a stupid Snuggie. Since I work at a retailer that now sells the Snuggie (starts with a W and ends with algreens) I got one. I took a picture of him with it on. It’s a blug blob and a head. That’s it.

            I will forever keep that photograph just in case, ifyouknowwhati’msayin. You never know.

            So I’m totally okay with going through with this.

    • All you need is an Edward pillow case. Slip it under his arm while he’s sleeping and when he gets all nice and cuddley with it, snap the pic.

      Not that I’ve thought this out or anything.

      • ooooohhhh! Good idea! I hope he’s drooling too…..ahahaha…


        • I think I could do this to my husband. After I wake up for the day, my husband snuggles with my pillow because he “likes the way it smells”. Wouldn’t that be something if he woke up to a flash and then saw me standing there with my camera and an Edward pillow? PRICELESS!

  8. Awww I LOVE it…your girls are like friends/therapists/comedians/confidants/BFFs/sisters-I-never-had-but-wished-I-did-because-growing-up-with-all-boys-really-sucked-rocks…all rolled up in one… and I WOULDN’T have ANY other way!!! Luv ya girls alot!!! 🙂

  9. Babies are the best! Congrats! I wonder how many little Twilight tikes will be born thanks to all the lust the saga has induced. I’m not preggers again yet, but give it time…give it time. 🙂

  10. I agree with Spank Ransom:

    “From shitty jobs to crappy stuff that happens in family & friend life”

    I think that’s why I’ve latched on to this so hard-core. I mean, I love it and all, but it’s also been super therapeutic. I even told my counselor that! Hahaha!

    I haven’t laughed so hard at so many things as I have at anything Twi-related for a vrrry long time. I was ROFL at what the girlies were doing in the chitty chat yesterday! I mean, we’re crazy! 😛

    Now, if only I could find a guy to channel all the “frustration” I got from reading WA. Reeeeally not fair.

    Btw, that pic? Creeptastic. First thing I said. And then I LOLed. 😀

    I agree with krazykidd:

    “you girls are like friends/therapists/comedians/confidants/BFFs/sisters-I-never-had-but-wished-I-did-because-growing-up-with-all-boys-really-sucked-rocks…all rolled up in one… and I WOULDN’T have ANY other way!!!



  11. um.. can someone plz explain to me why Ashley Greene wasn’t cast as Rosalie? She is SMOKING!

  12. Tear!
    I feel loved. Thank you for making me smile everyday.

  13. Wow, a Twilight baby?!? Why do I have a feeling this will not be the last?

  14. All the ladies and unicorns that hang out at LTT and LTR make my day. Every single day. I don’t think that you could find therapy better than this!

    I know, I know. I’m so freaking mushy today, haha. WTF happened?

    PS. I tried to get Ashley in the Wedding Fiesta auction but she was already taken!

  15. I’m sure that I’ve said it a million times, but I LOVE coming here to feel normal!! I wish I had a real-life friend to obsess and get all squishy over Twilight (and Rob) with, but alas, RL people seem to be more focussed on jobs, kids and mortgages. Bo-ring!

    Moon and UC, if you are ever in Seattle again, I would like to buy you a drink! That will be my ‘payment’ of your ‘fee’.

    I LOVE gushy post days! Love all you ‘normal’ peeps out there, too. Thanks for keeping me sane.


    • @LaPush Baby

      Yes! Me too! I come here too to be “normal” and like you I wish i had a real life friend to get all fan-girly with. 😦

      But even though I just found this site and LTR…… I have to say that all you ladies rule! You make my day everyday! 🙂

    • we’ll take you UP on that seattle drink some day- we wil!

      • We may have to toast Charlie with a Rainier first. Some places even have it on tap! lol. 🙂

        @ Li Li, this site makes my day, too. So fun to get all fan-girly and silly, with no judgement whatsoever about whatever kooky stuff you might say.

        I think what I love the most is the perfect blend of serious, and Not Serious the topics and comments are here. From the deepest Twilosophy, to admitting that you are staring at a photo of Rob’s crotch on your desktop…no judgey!

        Just good times, lots of laughs, and great sex. Yeah, you guys should probably charge something.

  16. I love the twi-sex phenomenon! Here’s why. I love Twilight. I love Rob. I love sexy Twilight fan-fic where I can picture Rob. That makes me love Rob more. But here’s my point. I’m more of a guy’s girl. Pretty much all of my friends are guys. Therefore I don’t have much of an outlet to discuss my love for Rob and Twilight w/o receiving the eye roll and face palm from them. BUT, the twi-sex phenomenon (where females are showing their men more lovin b/c of their raised libidos due to Twilight and Rob) is something even my guy friends are interested in b/c what guy doesn’t want to hear about something that makes women have more/be more interested in sex?

  17. Great news about the baby. Hope you have a two week pregnancy, followed by an incredibly smart and adorable baby who arrives potty trained and able to speak back to you within the first 5 days of life.

    Ladies, I said it earlier, but it’s worth saying again, youz guyz are the best.

  18. yay! an twi baby!!!! congratulations!!!!! and thats right,who freakin needs a fertility doctor when you have LRT/LTT????

  19. yeah, why is it that Ashley isn’t being followed by the twi-actors?? or even Rachelle!?

    also, paps don’t follow them… why?? xD

    congrats to Dazzled for the baby!!
    Edward would be rlly cute name…
    Renesmee… is original… but it’s a little too much, lol

  20. Your sites complete me! And also as you mentioned allowed me to meet and foster an awesome friendship with someone who I swear was separated from me at birth. You guys did this, with your sense of community and your refreshing honesty and hilarious posts. I love you both 🙂 So proud to be part of the crazy twilight/rob train!

  21. Awwwww…we love you girls too!! Bringing the world together one Robaholic at a time!!


  22. I am SOOO excited about the Twilight Baby!! yippee…and yes I’m with you UC on the RENESMEE thing…Please don’t do it!!

    Ok anyway, MOON & UC….you know how I feel about you ladies, love your site, loved meeting you and getting to come to this place where I can let all the crazy out…well maybe not all, but most of it anyway. Thanx for that!
    I loves you two mucho
    Heart, me

    I just realized that I’ve posted on LTT twice in two days, that hasn’t happened in a long time….anywhoo

  23. Awesome! Really Awesome! So glad something (or should I say someone) productive has come of all of this for one of us! I hereby dub this phenomenon, ‘Twilight Libido.’ Whatever works right. No one is complaining.

    I mean…I figure once Rob and I get our ‘special hug’ time, my obsession will naturally cool down. Just get it all out of my system with one thorough…well, you know. I need to prove theory this out of course, in a very controlled study. May take several attempts in order to ensure effectiveness. I will let everyone know if this helps…because that is just the kind of incredible friend I am.

  24. I’m such a giver. I give, and give, and give.

  25. Thanks for all the well wishes and excitement! It is awesome to feel so loved by people that don’t even know me.

    I was laughing at the remarks about namig the baby Reneseme. Please, don’t even worry. Not going to happen!

    It did get me thinking about names in general. Maybe I am suppost to have a Twi-baby……My oldest daughter’s name is Mackenna (McKenna is one of the European Nomads from Breaking Dawn) and my youngest daughter is Ashley (as in Greene.) HMMMM, I may need to find the perfect Twi-name for #3.

    Again, thanks for the kind thoughts. You are all incredible!!!!

    • 2 girls? Sounds like you are due for an Edward! 🙂

      Seriously, congratulations on your Twilight-baby, and how cute is it that your hubby thought of that before you!! He knows what’s up!

  26. Thanks for the free therapy! And to all the ladies and unicorns at the Forum, thank you, too! It’s a wonderful place, blissfully free of RL concerns, where Rob makes frequent (photographic) appearances and conspiracies are investigated in detail. I’ve spent many happy hours there already (as evidenced by the fact that I’m already Kellan’s Accountability Partner), and I can’t wait to spend many more.

  27. LOL Twi-babies! that’s fantastic!! What a great story.

    I’m still deeply Twi-obsessed and you guys really do perform a therapeutic service. It’s so reassuring when you guys confirm that I’m still normal: Ignoring your husband because you’re reading Twilight with Twilight the movie on in the background and can’t be disturbed? That’s normal! Do you let your house fall to shambles because you’re reading Eclipse the 50th time and fantasizing about hip hitching? That’s normal! Do you catch yourself day dreaming about ‘dumpster diving’ Rob? Normal!

    Plus the fact that LTT & LTR are funny as hell is always an added bonus.

    Anyway, love you guys, keep it up!

  28. Congrats Dazzled!

    And the link to the well rounded Twilight fan led me to a post mentioning my Little Ashes vist and I didn’t even notice!

    Must spend less time at LTR and more at LTT!!!

    Or more time over the river looking for Patty 🙂

  29. Congrats on the baby, Dazzled!

    I love how I’ve become a sort of fixture here so quickly…that’s three letters this week already with my name in them. Lol. Fantastic. Thanks Moon and UC, you two are amazing. I never thought, when my sister first started telling me to come here, that I’d enjoy talking about Twilight as much as I do. And an LTT wedding is a great idea, I’m so up for it! hehe.

    I’m jealous of all the girls (well, more accurately, their husbands) who get to explore this new twi-sex phenomenon. Being single sure has it’s drawbacks. Oh well, I think I’ll go read some more Twilight now, since that’s all I can do.

    • Alright I have to ask… how are you single? sorry but I had to pick my jaw off the floor when I read that one.

      • That’s a good question. And I wish I knew the answer to it.

        I’ve only ever had one serious girlfriend, and that relationship crashed and burned a few months ago when she decided I wasn’t worth waiting for. I don’t seem to have much luck with women.

        I guess I’ve been waiting for an LTT girl 😉 lol

        • ooooo ooooo pick me! pick me! (jumps up and down) lol I’m really sorry to hear that though… women can be stupid. I don’t even know you and I would say that any guy who reads Twilight is worth waiting for!!

  30. *shakes head*

    Dear Aunties,

    I love you more than cake, and I’m a phat girl, and nobody comes between me and my cake, but I have to strongly disagree with these ..ummm..suggestions……

    Hmm… good question! The major obsession will pass… eventually, but if it’s really affected you, which is seems like it has, you might just have to figure out how to balance it in your life. My suggestion- try reading another book. It will be hard, but it will be good for you! Turn off the soundtrack- maybe try something FROM the soundtrack- Mutemath or Muse? Tell yourself you can only look online for twilight news 3 days a week…. It’ll pass.. but it sounds like it might be with you for awhile!

    If you are sincere in your Twi/Robsession– you don’t evah cut back–you read and read the books again, listen to the soundtrack repeatedly, watch Twilight repeatedly, and add more sites daily, including Twitter followings. You never become a slacker!!!

    Oh wait–I have no life…Hmm….nevermind then…carry on…

  31. you forgot to shake your hair own from the bun, take off your glasses and go, “You know what the fee is for an over due book is, don’t you?”

    Poor Ashley Green. She’s not an object of lust and part of the drama of the Twiboys.

  32. Tht pic of KStew, Rob and the baby is freaking me out, BTW.

  33. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but does anyone ever fantasize about what Rob would look like naked? Sometimes when I’m cruising my favorite Rob sites (including LTR) and I see a sexy photo of him, I wonder would it would be like to walk into a room and see him posing like that stark naked.

    Hmmm… where’s my husband?

  34. Wait – only look at Twilight stuff online three days a week?! [goes into seizure, falls to floor] – nooooo!!! OK, perhaps you are a better Twicologist than me, encouraging someone to have a life and and find balance and all that nonsense, but I told the last person who emailed me to ask the same question to get over it and enjoy the ride because she was in it for the looong haul! lol – do I need to feel bad now? Should I??? I was just trying to be realistic… You guys at LTT/LTR already know how things really go down – why sugarcoat it???

    : )

    P.S. thanks for stopping by & commenting earlier – nothing means more to us than props coming from someone [“someones”??? can I even say that??] with an awesome blog like yours!

  35. And here, I thought I was the only one wondering when the obsession lessens…. My husband wonders what happened to me. P.S. Pattinson Pants lady….OMG, ROTFL…that is priceless. You just can’t make that stuff up, people.

  36. […] “i keep replaying it over and over” rob – I think this is what they call OCD. Like real Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, not the Cullen variety. Make you should seek help… […]

  37. Ha ha – the first Twilight baby…. CLASSIC.

    Now back to your original question – when will the obsession end? We have a theory that by 2011, it will all be over. By 2011 we will have stopped re-reading the four books – because they will have literally disintergrated. By 2011 the FOUR movies will have been released both in the cinema & DVD – we do not accept that they’re stopping after Eclipse. By 2011 Rob may have found a way to ‘get a girlfriend’… and keep her from being scared away by scary Robward fans.
    So 2011, we figure we get our lives back….

    Unless Stephenie Meyer finishes Midnight Sun, that is.

  38. So….I’m not crazy after all! Indeed after reading that part in Eclipse I went all sexobsesive hahahahahha. After reading this post I’m glad I’m not alone with the Twlight-Rob obesion.
    Greetings from Holland

  39. Hi guys I just wanted to say that I realy love all of you …You are perfect in every way for those movies … It makes me crazy when I read the books …I’ve read the 2 firts ones in 3 weeks and before I hated reading but now it’s diffrent because of you …when I saw the movie I fell in love …I love you guys keep doing your best in the movies …love ya xoxo Julia…

  40. reneesme is very sweet:)

  41. i ❤ twilight

  42. i hope they’r really meant to be..for me your the true famil;y cullen or pattinson.

  43. […] they call OCD. Like real Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, not the Cullen variety. Make you should seek help…rob pattinson and a crazed fan in a dump – The  Pattinson pants girl must have found […]

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