Stuff Guys say about Twilight – Mutemath guy watches the DVD

dvdcoverDear LTT gals and the guys they make suffer through the movie…

You all remember Mutemathlover right? Well he’s back again. When he told me last week he was going to watch Twilight the movie over the weekend I told him he definitely had to tell me his thoughts after he’d seen it. So when I got to work Monday he was the first person to IM me with news about Twilight and I couldn’t wait to hear what he had to say cause you know when a guy talks about Twilight it’s gonna be good!

The things guys think about in relation to Twilight are stuff I’d never even begin to ponder… like how Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie felt when Bella showed up at the prom with Edward after she lied to them and said she was gonna be in Jacksonville. No lie, he thought about it… read on…

Or how a certain body part of Edward’s must be spring loaded… trust me read on…

I think secretly… deep down guys like talking about Twilight… Ok, ok maybe not, but I think they get a kick out of it occasionally…. especially when they know we’re gonna talk about them!

So read on dear Unicorns and gals who tolerate love them,

Mutemathlover watched Twilight

lapushmutemathlover: K, just watched twilight. here it goes:
mutemathlover: all in all, it was an entertaining movie
themoonisdown: yes
mutemathlover: ill tell u what i didnt like: the plot grew wayyyyyyy too fast
mutemathlover: it made it unbelieveable
mutemathlover: the gaysian was dumb
mutemathlover: the baseball part was just plain retarded
themoonisdown: HAHAHAHAHA gaysian. funny though lots of people like that vampire baseball thing
themoonisdown: and yes all your points are pretty much mine and most people who see it.
themoonisdown: it drags at the beginning and then it’s like WOAH! too much
mutemathlover: the one good vampire with short hair was poorly written
mutemathlover: u could never quite figure out if she had other motives
themoonisdown: alice? short hair future seeing one?
mutemathlover: yea
themoonisdown: it’s like with all things, if you read the book you’d know that she “knows” a lot of stuff about bella, she knows theyre going to be friends so shes already acting that way and unfortunately the viewers doesnt always know that
themoonisdown: big assumption huh!
mutemathlover: cause that didnt make sense

On the nomadic vampires…

more mutemathlover insights after the cut…

normal_nomadsmutemathlover: another thing, the “other vampires”
themoonisdown:the “bad” ones? the nomadic?
mutemathlover: apparently, the bad vampires have roller shoes
themoonisdown: they just walk super fast… it’s a vampire characteristic!
mutemathlover: then how come the good ones dont?
they do, they just dont use their super speed in real life. because then people would know somethings up! like they cant be speed walking at HIGH SCHOOL
mutemathlover: cause they where running around the bases normally
themoonisdown: really? it’s supposed to look like theyre zooming around
mutemathlover: ahhhhhhhhh, no
themoonisdown: and when he runs in to catch the fly ball
mutemathlover: yea, fast then
mutemathlover: but they ran around at normal speed. reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetarded
themoonisdown: i think that was supposed to be pretty stylized looking

Her Parents, Forks HS doesn’t protect it’s students privacy…

mutemathlover: another thing
mutemathlover: the video of her with her mom? where did he get that?
themoonisdown: from her house
themoonisdown: he said i was at your house i borrowed it whatever hope you dont mind.   cause they dont show bella going to her house first in the movie but she does in the book
mutemathlover: where was her dad
themoonisdown: her dad the cop? back in forks, she was in phx. she ran away
mutemathlover: how did he know her cell phone number
themoonisdown: victoria got the records at school and also when james is in the house he hears her message
mutemathlover: well, the movie sounds like it leaves out a lot!

On Edward…

edwardcullenmutemathlover: and edward was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy creepier in the beginning
themoonisdown: yes cause he wanted to kill her. thats all he wants to do it kill her because her blood is so attractive to him. then he gets to know her… realizes he doesnt want to kill her because he couldnt imagine not having her around blah blah
mutemathlover: uhaaaaaaaa. ok
mutemathlover: i love you blood holder
themoonisdown: hahahah exactly!
mutemathlover: retarded
themoonisdown: but then he loves her so ya know
mutemathlover: thats like falling in love with a cheesesteak
themoonisdown: never was a truer love, than the love of a grilled meat sammy

On the acting… Bella and Alice

themoonisdown: whatd you think of the acting?
mutemathlover: standard teen movie acting
mutemathlover: bella was pretty decent. sorta
themoonisdown: she bugged the heck out of me for most of it all her stuttering and blinking
mutemathlover: i just think shes hot
themoonisdown: HAHA… really?
mutemathlover: yea we went over this
themoonisdown:most guys are usually down for alice
mutemathlover: shes pretty too
themoonisdown: hot without that dumb wig
mutemathlover: thats a wig?
themoonisdown: yes:
mutemathlover: i think it was to make her look younger
themoonisdown: for sure and the character is described as having short hair

On the ending…

themoonisdown:what did you think of the end?
mutemathlover: meet joe black… hahha
mutemathlover: umm another thing… the flip-floping
themoonisdown: AND ANOTHER THING
mutemathlover: of the main dude
themoonisdown: edward
mutemathlover: yea what the f
themoonisdown: its cause he wants to KILL her
mutemathlover: dint not provoked
themoonisdown: and he’s fighting it internally
mutemathlover: ok, well fuck
themoonisdown: HAHAHA all this subtext thats hard to get through, and he’s just like a super worry wart
mutemathlover: the movie does not explain that until like the damn end
mutemathlover: and even at the end he wants her to leave, then 20 seconds later after she flips out “i was just kidding about all that other stuff” that was confusing
themoonisdown: yea cause he thinks all the bad stuff that happens to her is because of him
and he’s just like a super worry wart hes like “ok, well illl always be right here” cause she cant imagine NOT being with him

On The Prom…

prommutemathlover: then he takes limpy to the prom after she tells everyone shes leaving that weekend
mutemathlover: AND NO ONE QUESTIONS IT even when the 2 dudes wanted to take her
themoonisdown: hahahaha its funny the stuff guys think about, like i didnt even worry about that
themoonisdown: and youre like but what about THE OTHER DUDES

On Forks High School and detention…

mutemathlover: yea see and there are no jocks
themoonisdown: i NEVER thought about that. so true
mutemathlover: just artsy dudes and retards
mutemathlover: come on some huge jock dude would make fun of at least one of the vampires and they would totally rip their head off and blammo, in school suspension
mutemathlover: sun or no sun
themoonisdown: hahaha thatll teach them!
mutemathlover: and all the sudden, diamond face McPalerson is fucked
themoonisdown: omg quoted… you’re so being featured by the way

On the bedroom scene…

Edward & Bella Kissmutemathlover: PS, did he have like a vampire strength erection that shot him off the bed???
mutemathlover: im thinking thats what it was “sorry, i gotta a little out of control and crushed your Cervex”
mutemathlover: “i’m gonna go fix your truck now”
themoonisdown: HAHAHAHAHAHA
themoonisdown: thats amazing


mutemathlover: OH OH OH the fucking dad has to know
mutemathlover: his friend “Chief feels no legs”, even hinted that what was out there and the dad totally knows.

THE END! (until next time)

Big round of applause to Mutemathlover for being such a good sport and entertaining us all… give him some love over on HIS blog.

53 Responses

  1. He’s really thought this out…and for that I applaud him. Go buy him a cupcake, Moon.

  2. Unbelievable. Utterly great stuff right there. The question is, WHY did he decide to watch Twilight? And did he buy it himself at the store? Did he get the cheapo WallyWorld version or the awesome 3Discer from Target? He should watch it with commentary. He’d love it. Just sayin

    LOL “…thats like falling in love with a cheesesteak // never was a truer love, than the love of a grilled meat sammy…”

    • um i guess he decided to watch about it because he knows i run this place… or maybe cause he knows how well mutemathlover went over the last time around? or maybe he just loves rob and wont admit it?! WHO KNOWS!

      ok he tells me he watched on demand. he is a boy after all.

  3. ah JBell you beat me to it haha. Favorite quote right there!
    He did have a good point about the ‘other dudes’ with prom. Never thought about that. Though on the jock point – isn’t Mike supposed to be the dose of ‘jock?’

    I went hysterical at the vampire boner though. Touche, mr. man.

  4. Also, I never realized what the movie would be like if you hadn’t read the book. I’m guessing pretty confusing!

    • i have a bunch of friends who fell in love with the series only AFTER seeing the movie.. they have a perspective we’ll never have b/c we had expectations going into the movie.. interesting….

      • I saw the movie first, before I was like: “I won’t read it. I won’t.”
        But because I’m a movie freak and I couldn’t say it was bad without seeing it, I got dragged along sometime in February.
        Well, it obviously backfired.
        But I love “sorry, i gotta a little out of control and crushed your Cervex. i’m gonna go fix your truck now” 😀 😀

  5. “diamond face McPalerson” – Classic!!

  6. OMG, first of all, can I just say that I love the first graphic!!!?? haha! 🙂 The first time I saw Twilight, my main complaint was that Eric was gay, I was all WTF?

    Also, my hubby watched it for the first time last weekend, too,and he had really weird questions, as well. He was confused about the bad vampires, and their motivations, and also had a lot of questions about Carlisle, to the point where I had to go get the book and do “research” (read it again) to answer him.

    Oh, you boys think of the craziest stuff!

    The part hubby liked was the soundtrack (it was”ok”) and the fighting part. The rest of it he said was “kind of weak”. And he thought/thinks Robward is kind of gay, but I pointed out, not as gay as Eric, and he was all, “Who?”


    Mutemathlover, you’re hilarious.

  7. “i’m gonna fix your truck now”

    LOLZ!! love it! great morning fun. big hugs to mutemathlover.

  8. My BF asked me the following questions: ( About Robward) why does he look like he just farted?

    Why does Jasper look like he has a stick up his ass?

    Why is the chick who plays Bella a horrid actress?

    Why does the blonde one have her roots showing?

    Why does Jacob have a wig on?

    also.. they do have jocks.. Mike Newton wore a letterman jacket.. but it rains all the damn time.. must be a indoor one… like volleyball. Just saying.

    And the “sorry, i gotta a little out of control and crushed your Cervex”

    Fricken classic.. I choked on my coffee laughing so hard..

    Here is to another hard day at work doing nothing but googling Roward and reading LTR and LTT

    Love ya guys!

  9. Always love the “stuff guys say about twilight” posts; mostly because they’re the same conversations with my husband! The falling in love with a cheesesteak , diamond faced McPalerson and curshing your cervix comments are hilarious. I have to admit that I also wondered how all the other boys were feeling when they showed up to prom, but mostly because I saw the movie first and then read the books. It works better timeline wise in the book.

  10. My son (another male w/weird questions/insights), who is 12, thinks Edward looks cross-eyed the entire movie… he is reading the book right now and questions me repeatedly about why things are the way they are and so on….I have finally told him to write a letter to the author – I just don’t have a flippin clue!!!
    I’m totally digging the soundtrack! Have it on my iPod and iPhone! Love it!

  11. Mutemath lover asks so much of the same stuff my DH did! Too funny! I guess all guys do think alike.

    BTW, my DH thinks KStew is hot, too, so Mutemath lover is not alone in that department.

  12. “mutemathlover: PS, did he have like a vampire strength erection that shot him off the bed???
    mutemathlover: im thinking thats what it was “sorry, i gotta a little out of control and crushed your Cervex”
    mutemathlover: “i’m gonna go fix your truck now”

    SEriously?? BRILLIANT. Great post moonie-pie

  13. I think if you haven’t read the book, the movie definitely leaves you wondering about a lot of things. I spent a lot of time answering my husbands questions afterwards b/c you couldn’t tell why things were happening, and it wasn’t exactly apparent that Edward reads minds till he actually says it… stuff like that… so I’m not surpirsed mutemathlover thought some of it was dumb. FYI, like the prom, in the book, she skipped out on the “Ladies Choice” dance, not the prom, and didn’t really go, that was the day she was in the meadow for real with him (also not like in the movie the), so that wouldn’t have been an issue… I’m babbling now, I’ll stop. 🙂

  14. i only read part but i have to agree with most of what was said. if you can believe it it took us 4 hours to watch the movie with us playing the drinking game (which we applied to the extended and deleted scenes which i don’t suggest) because we kept stopping the movie and breaking down what was happening. there were a bunch of plot holes. like when jacob didn’t really tell bella about the treaty he only told her part of all of the treaty thing so we were wondering how they were going to handle that in the next movie and how the bond between bella and the cullen family just really wasn’t there. we are going to have to actually go back and watch the movie again because we were pretty drunk by time the movie ended.

    • It took us 4 h to play the drinking game too! But that’s b/c we needed to constantly refresh our drinks and pee. 🙂

      soooo true about Jacob not really breaking the treaty– mayjah misstep my Melissa R

    • I took my 13 year old niece to see the midnight show. She was only like 3 chapters into the book so really didn’t know anything yet. She loved it but had so many questions that by around the 4th time I said, “Yeah, they left that out, here’s what happened,” she agreed the movie wasn’t very well done.

      The Jacob/Treaty lot whole is the best! He told her nothing and then Bella was able to get a book and go online to find out all the important stuff. That would mean someone broke the treaty to write a book and start a blog.

  15. LMAO That was an awesome interview. It’s funny the things guys think about while us girls are thinking something totally different.

  16. One of the BEST parts of this whole convo was the ‘bedroom scene’ commentary…..and his intake on Charlie…’chief feels no legs’…GENIUS!!!! Tell Mutemathlover that he gets an A+ for his brilliance-y!!! Great way to start my 3 day weekend!! 🙂

  17. I’ve tried to watch the movie a million times (ok-3) and I always freak out at some part and leave! My bff is going to TRY and make me watch it this weekend!

  18. I loved the commentary!
    “sorry, i gotta a little out of control and crushed your Cervex” —-hahahahahahaaaa!
    Freakin hilarious! =D

    I’m fascinated by what the dudes think about Twilight.

    My hater-hubby only made it 45 min in. And his commentary consisted of 20 questions every 10 seconds. A bit annoying. So, just to annoy back, I blogged his commentary. HAHA.

    One of his thoughts during the Port Angeles mushroom ravioli scene:

    “…uhh that’s considered stalking. I still don’t get it. Y’all get all hot and bothered over a weirdo stalker who sh**s on himself?!”(referring to Biology scene)

    ME: “Yea…pretty much.”

  19. Ok so one of the surgeons I work for..asked for a copy of the comic strip break down I posted in the kitchen of Twilight series..that was sooooo funny..then another surgeon I work for stopped by my desk to tell me he watched Twilight and he thought it was entertaining…lol then ANOTHER of the surgeons I work for told me to get a poster of Edward and make up some caption about donating blood and we could put it up in the waiting room…OME my Doctors ROCK!!!!

    • So I am just going to say I love your doctor/bosses…

    • UM! Why can’t MY doctors I work for be that AMAZING!?!

      Are you guys hiring?? Just wonderin’…

      • @JBell well did you see I posted on LTR..Doc came over and I was on LTR ummm browsing the pics and he grabs the mouse and starts scrolling and says wait wait go back..that pic there..(Rob in the wifebeater)pic…He says “they are saying your boy is the next James Dean” hahahaha oh yea

  20. best ever:

    “thats like falling in love with a cheesesteak”


    Umm…too bad I heart mutemathlover. Best review ever!

  21. I truely need this laugh this morning.

    “mutemathlover: thats like falling in love with a cheesesteak”


  22. “Did he have a vampire erection that shot him off the bed?” HAHAHAHAHA, tears streaming down face, fellow office workers looking curiously through my door… 1st hubby, (that is to say my current hubby, as we know he will kindly step aside should Rob decide to marry someone nearly twice his age w/2 kids) won’t watch it – he came in while I was watching it AGAIN to ask why are you watching it AGAIN:
    ME: “Look how pretty he is! I could watch him eat Cheerios and be completely entertained.”
    HIM: “Nice”, turns on heel and out – refuses to return!

  23. omg..this was hilarious..sooo funny..and i didnt even think about her showing up to prom after forming that lie going to jax,huh…

    • yep totally missed that one too but I know why we did…because in the book it wasn’t the prom she dissed Mike it was the first dance the girls choice dance..

  24. *LOL* I can’t get my husband to watch it and I RUN A FREAKIN TWILIGHT BLOG. THAT HE KNOWS ABOUT. So kudos to MML. 😉 I love the idea of them ripping up a jock… Maybe you should read him the biology scene from Midnight Sun. *grin*

  25. so wait i still dont get the unicorn thing are male vampires unicorns because their erections look like a unicorn horn?

  26. That was beyond ROTFL-worthy. I’m never going to be able to watch Edward spring off the bed again w/o snorting.

    Hilarious account of running into KStew on April 8th:

  27. sounds like a convo I had with my brother who saw the movie and liked it, then read the books and now hates the movie! sad!


    hilarious! now Moon just needs to get MML to read the books and give us all a full review! =D

  28. Diamond face McPalerson!!!!! That is too awesome!

    I guess I kinda had the thought that when Bella shows back up school all beat up and with the cast, the other dudes would assume her trip was cancelled and therefore decided to go to prom. Maybe?

    • yes.. i think that’s what all us smarty-pants assumed. now mutemathlover on the other hand.. maybe he just ain’t so smart:)

      • Nothing says Rehab from a near death experience like a prom……..Which when they went in……it was SUNSET. How come no stripper sparkles then? They wrote this screenplay on an Applebee’s curbside to go menu. RETARDED.

  29. “thats like falling in love with a cheesesteak” – funniest thing i ever heard!

  30. Your site is hilarious! I love this guy’s commentary. I agree with the aforementioned reasons…but I also think Mike and Eric were not upset with Bella because they both ended up happy with other dates (Jessica and Angela). They had both moved on from their infatuation with “the new girl” at that point.

  31. Ha! I like the humor. “Who isn’t a vampire in this town?”

    I just posted on the movie, although with slightly less humor. But some dry wit!

  32. That was the best review I have read! I am actually afraid to let my boyfriend watch the movie. He doesn’t know how obsessed I am with it that i might be grounds for breaking up. Started my day of right 🙂 You guys are awesome!!!

  33. mantappppppppp……….

  34. Uhhhh…………
    I don’t really agree with the things said here.

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