2nd hand embarassed- it’s getting worse, ya’ll

Eddie-Beddie

Dear Edward,

I’m sorry. This is weird.

eddiebeddie

And Rob, babe….seriously you need a new lawyer. Don’t let your contract be allowing this kind of nonsense.

Love,
Us

Special thanks to JBell for finding this gem!

If you love this and want more, this special link is just for you- you can create your very own Twilight-inspired bedroom. But be sure to send us pics of the finished product so we can either laugh behind your back, or, if you’re lucky, post it on our site for all the world to laugh at.

Some crazy Twilighter got married

To the person who thought it would be cool to put a Breaking Dawn quote on their wedding picture,

Bella would never have those nails. And Edward’s perfect hands don’t look like that. I promise.


yikes

Love,
I’m not going to tell you who this is from b/c I’m so 2nd-hand embarassed that I’m hiding under a tree.

Big shout out to M-Styles for sending this to us! XO

Move over Rob, I’ll take Kellan

Robert Patti-who?

Robert Pattin-who?

Dear Kellan,

So, I’ve met you 3 times and I’ll stand in line for days to meet you 3 more times. I don’t get the whole hype on Rob. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the guy is amazingly gorgeous, but you are one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Is it totally crazy to think that someone’s kind personality can make them cuter than a so-called RPattz?

a

People out there need to realize that just because you don’t have greasy hair and a British accent doesn’t make you any less attractive. Oh, and I’m sorry, but I don’t think Rob’s body even compares to the one that you’ve got.

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I’m all about Team Edward, but when it comes to the actors that play the characters in the book, it’s Team Kellan for me.

Someone needs to get that boy some oil blotting sheets pronto. He's start to grease up like Robbie

Someone needs to get this boy some oil blotting sheets pronto. He's starting to grease up like Robbie

Xoxo,
Joleena

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*about TIME someone gave Kellan some love!

Interested in joining Kellan’s Bible study? Yeah, we are too

Round Two is a no-go

the night your magic was made

Bitch, please! Once is enough

Dear Nikki Reed,

I know you’re probably pretty bummed that Rob’s been in town since Tuesday and hasn’t called you yet.  I wouldn’t take it too personally. He just got here and he needs to get fitted for his tux, try on his shoes, shave, unpack his one pair of pants and black shoes, grab some in-and-out, pleasure theMoonisDown (& wish it was me), etc. etc. He’s keeping a pretty tight schedule.

I’m gonna take a wild guess at what you were expecting to happen with Rob in town, and well, he isn’t going there, girl.  I’m not sure what happened the first time around, back on some drunken night in Portland, but I do know Rob isn’t doing it again.

Those were the days when he “couldn’t get a date” and was “fat” and “lived in a crack flat with TomStu.” Now he can “get lots of dates”, is “in no way fat” (only delicious) and, well, I guess he potentially still does live in that crack flat with TomStu, but that’s besides the point. You’re just not necessary. I know you thought you were- but that one time was just that- one time. And it only happened b/c you stumbled into his room, drunk, and he thought it would be more interesting than “playing his own trumpet” that night.

That’s it. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Round Two is a no-go.

'come and get me big boy'

"I know you want this"

You’re busy though, right? Since you’re such a brilliant actress, you really have to start working on your craft again.. it’s going to take WEEKS to perfect your steely Rosalie glare (if you can even perfect it).  Plus, being the world’s most perfect fake-lesbian with Kristen really is an all-consuming activity.

Even if he wanted you, you just wouldn’t have time for Rob (and just as a reminder, he doesn’t want you)

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks to my late night IMing partner, you know who you are, for all the help, all the time. “We did it, we hit it, it was whack” I’d like to be a fake lesbian with you. XO

Twilight stuff on my cat

Dear Renesmee,
My husband sent me a link to this picture with a note saying, “I shouldn’t be encouraging your obsession, but look at this”

I love this site: http://www.stuffonmycat.com

Aw! Someone loves cats AND your biography, Breaking Dawn. I’m writing this letter specifically to you so that you have enough sense to not hunt anything as cute as this when you’re thirsty. I know Jacob might encourage it because of that inborn hatred that dogs and cats have, but this cat loves your story, so leave it and all other cats alone.

Representing all cat lovers everywhere ever,
UnintendedChoice

A Unicorn’s Perspective

We were thrilled when we received our very first letter from a male reader. Yep, a real, live Unicorn. Jordan owns all 4 books, a “Team Edward” keychain and has convinced females to read the series. Um, our hero? I think he’s our mascot for today. Congrats, Jordan. You are today’s mascot. Today’s “Twilosophy” will be in the form of a letter from Jordan:
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Yeah, this is Rob on a unicorn. Thanks FB flair

Yeah, this is Rob on a unicorn. Thanks FB flair

Dear woman who have fallen in love with Edward,

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This might end up being really hard to write about without sounding completely gay, but my man-card has pretty much been permanently revoked at this point anyway, so screw it.
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It absolutely makes sense to me why so many girls (and their moms, for that matter) are such big fans of Edward, almost as if they are legitimately frustrated that Robert Pattinson isn’t just Edward brought to life. And it’s not just Edward and how dreamy he is, or whatever, but it’s the way he looks at Bella, and the way Bella seems to just be transformed by being around him. It’s the effect they have on each other.
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It’s a love that’s pure, unfiltered, dangerous, sexy, scary, and uncertain. That kind of feeling for each other, the intensity that flares every time they lock eyes – it’s almost blinding. Nothing else matters. It’s just magical.And honestly, I’m glad that so many women have fallen for him and wish that they could be the one to see his skin sparkle, or to stand at the top of a massive tree after being carried up on his back, or lay in a field of grass and just gaze at him.
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I hope Edward and Bella’s incredible romance makes all those women more discerning and more willing to pay extra attention for that magic, and more likely to turn guys down who find it easier to tear them down than to lift them up.
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We are in desperate need of more relationships like theirs. Maybe not to the extent of worrying about whether or not kissing your significant other will end up getting you bitten, but we all need to see interaction like theirs. The way they look at each other, it’s almost as if they’re the first member of the opposite sex that the other one has seen. Really, in a certain way, that’s precisely the case. Not biologically, but emotionally, because neither of them have ever seen another person the way they see each other. And they’re completely immersed in that – just stunned, and wondering how it is possible that someone could exist who can make them forget where they are and make them wonder why they ever thought anything else had any significance at all.
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Maybe I’m delusional, but I refuse and soundly reject the notion that all of what I just mentioned, all of those feelings, have to be confined to the movies. Those feelings and those indescribable moments of wonder and of ecstasy are out there, waiting for those of us who believe in them to find them. Here’s to never accepting otherwise and being brave and hopeful enough to continue the search.”
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We <3 Unicorns!

We ❤ Unicorns!

Jordan

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So, we officially know you’re out there guys. We wanna hear from you. NOW! And to “All the single ladies,” click on Jordan’s name above to read his blog.  Maybe you can convince him to experience those “feelings and those indescribable moments of wonder and of ecstasy” with you. (Note: we have no idea who he is, how old he is and if he’s single, so we will not take responsibility if it doesn’t work out. We will, however, take responsibility if you fall madly in love as a result of “meeting” through our blog and are expecting to both be maids of honor at your wedding.)
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More Unicorn goodness here

Kellan.Spiders.Over-priced tshirts.

af01Dear Kellan –

Why am I not surprised to find out you were an Abercrombie and Fitch model? I always thought you looked like one but to see these confirms just about everything I’ve ever thought about you.

You’re the boy of my innocent, Jesus loving, pom pom waving, 15 yr old fantasies. But then I found rock n roll and grew up and you are quite the opposite of most boys I would even look at now… but your personality will always get me. Just from my one quasi run-in with you I know you’re good peoples.

But what the crap is that fake spider on your arm?!

And I MUST ask what did your parents think about this? Great opportunity and all but don’t you remember the big backlash A&F got for their pseudo porn-o content? They even had to bag the mail catalogs because they were supposedly so “risque.” HA. Oh late ’90s you crack me up now. I bet this sent your youth group into a tizzy. And all the girls hyperventilating into their “Footprints” bible carriers.

Well guess this means I’ll be looking through my old A&F stuff when I go home next time. Maybe I’ll find some long lost gems of you!


Me and my 15 yr old self

PS I still wanna be your accountability partner… how’s about it?

MORE MORE MORE Kellan Abercrombie goodness after the cut

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2nd hand embarrassment – Vtines edition

Dear LTT readers and fuzzy animal lovers from around the globe,

In continuing with our Valentine’s Day spirit, let’s all be embarrassed about the creation of this photo:

Aw, wook at the fuzzy wuzzy bunny and wion. Aw (barf)

Aw, wook at the fuzzy wuzzy wammy and wion. Aw (barf)

Love,
UnintendedChoice & theMoonisDown who swear to never impose Rob and Kristen’s faces on children’s bodies, ever.

Thanks to Aja for the heads up! Not sure where the pic came from originally. If the owner would like to come forward, we promise to be nice. Actually, we’re trying to ‘keep it real’ these days, so we’ll probalby just be honest and suggest you try your hand imposing one of OUR faces over Kristen’s in one of Rob/KStew’s sexy photoshoots.  Now THAT wouldn’t be embarrassing at all.