My very own (crappy) Edward

one of these legs is not like the others

one of these legs is not like the other

Dear Twilight Merchandise Manufacturers (NECA/Reel Toys)-

Imagine my surprise when I walked into Borders this afternoon on a mission for a non-Twilight related book I needed (ps Borders, who doesn’t stock CS Lewis?!) and found out the Edward action figure was on the shelves! So, of course I grab one cause I am both a nerd and in need of some easily portable material for our “Where in the world is the Rob pillow/action figure” category over at Letters to Rob. After I get it home and opened, I start noticing the MAJOR flaws and can totally now tell why these weren’t out for Christmas: they’re a total rush job!

First off, the packaging has a misspelling! It lists his “special abilities” as “MING reading.” Now wtf is a “Ming?” You mean MIND?? Oh yes… who was on proofreading duty that day?

The reason I had to prop him up against some of my cameras is because he is top heavy and unable to STAND UP… this probably also majorly has to do with the fact that ONE LEG IS SHORTER THAN THE OTHER. Really? Did you think we wouldn’t want to take this out of the package and do dumb stuff with it? I could overlook the short leg/standing issue if he was able to sit down. But alas, SURPRISE, he can’t bend at the waist or sit down either! So, you’re stuck with propping him up against stuff. Moving further down, surprise again, his knees don’t bend! It’s like they spent all their time on the upper half getting his hair just right and making his jacket all rubbery feeling and slightly movable (but not fully removable) to worry about actually making the “action figure” work-able.

Read my 'MING' Edward, read it!

Read my 'MING' Edward, read it!

This leads me to the most worthless part of the doll: the Cullen Family crest. We discussed what we thought it’s double usage could be over at LTR but sadly it is NONE of those. It’s a cheap, flimsy piece of rubber which when I tried, his feeble little hand couldn’t even hold onto. So the best usage I could find for it was shoving it under his semi movable jacket. Never know when he’ll need to whip that thing out in some fang-to-fang battle against another crazy vampire. Just think if Irina had had a Denali family crest she could have whipped it out and used it to deflect Caius and not died. Oh well, guess SMeyer never thought about that, but these merch people sure did!! Never mind something that is actually Edward or Twilight oriented.

Could Summit Ent. not hire the folks who do the Marvel/DC action figures? Or even the Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter ones? Apparently not, and it shows. Summit should have hired us as their merch idea gals! We could have come up with way better ideas than the perfume or body glitter.

All that said, I’ll still have a good time with it and use it in all sorts of inappropriate and funny ways. He’ll just be propped up doing them now.

Me (themoonisdown)

PS has anyone else gotten one yet?

Check out “Where in the world is Edward” over at Letters to Rob

29 Responses

  1. […] PS Everyone read all about the Eddy doll at LTT […]

  2. i haven’t gotten one yet, I have to sneak that by the hubster, but moon…. just when i thought you couldn’t get any funnier.. you did it again!

    LOVE the photoshoot!

  3. Wow…that really dodes sound Crappy! Well, since I’ve already paid for mine, I’m gonna have some fun with it when it gets here. Even if he can’t stand up or bend over, or do anything….I’ll think of something 😉

  4. I am seriously rotflmaopimp here…I can’t even think of a witty remark, I am laughing too hard!

  5. I haven’t gotten one yet. I am trying to talk one of my kids into asking for one in front of my hubby so at least I don’t look like a total psycho when I bring it home. Kids are good for this kind of stuff 🙂 I guess I won’t be in a rush to find one now since we got such a poor product review from moonisdown but if I am out I will keep my eyes open! I just hope my Ken doll doesn’t kick Edward’s ass when I’m not looking. Sometimes I can’t read Ken’s MING!

  6. Ming Reading. I really just LOL’d at that.

    Poor Edward! I can’t believe he’s stuck with a leg discrepancy for all eternity and he never even mentioned it. He’s so brave!

  7. @vickyb- ken’s always been a stone wall of emotion. must be the plastic hair. but if i know us ladies well, barbie will dump ken when edward picks her up in the pink corvette and drives it way too fast 😀

    @christa- yea smeyers hid poor eddies leg issues well… such a shame

    seriously everyone this thing is HEELLLAA ghetto but you need one. EVERYONE need a purse sized edward in their lives.

  8. @moonisdown
    The hair… I totally forgot…Ken is gonna be so pissed when Edward gets here! Even my husband is jealous of Edwards hair!

  9. A rubbery, slightly movable jacket you say? Sounds like they new their target audience perfectly. And you certainly don’t want bendable knees when that’ll buckle at high friction.

  10. @johnc – could you be a unicorn and actually know twilight things or did you take a wrong turn at google?


    nevertheless welcome and i’ll keep everyone informed about the the lack of bendy knees

  11. This is just too funny!

    Here in the UK ‘ming’ is a slang word for disgusting or a rather unattractive person. So this typo is highly humerous for us brits!

    the thing about the shield had me in fits of laughter!

  12. LMAO! Okay, I somehow resisted the action figure because I was shopping online and apparently missing my brain. But I have to place another order (HT has Twilight bandaids online now!) so I’ll be added the Edward doll.

    As an aside, am I the only one who noticed that you’re “Will brood for food” sign kinda looks like “Will breed for food?” Freudian slip? (On your part OR mine…)

  13. Heh, that misspelled packaging was sold at a bookstore, of all places, and not some mallrat store?

    And…maybe the doll version of Edward can read mings…whatever they are.

  14. And…here’s another worthless comment because I was too stupid to click the notify button before I submitted my first one.

  15. […] contract that said “will allow likeness to be made into small plastic doll with ‘ming reading‘ abilities” you didn’t actually believe your likeness would be made into a small […]

  16. His poor poor legs. Mangled. Horrible.

  17. I have my Edward sitting juuuust to the left of my computer monitor, staring up at my angrily at just this very moment! 🙂 And I’ve kept the “ming” reading bit of the packaging just for the LOLs!

  18. I just bought my Edward today, for “my daughter” . He is safely tucked up in my bed right now. He is very welcome to read my Ming any time.LOL

  19. […] you. We’ve always just referred to you as the “Edward Cullen Doll” (or my ‘very own crappy Edward‘) but have also heard you called micro-Edward, little Edward or, our favorite, “Pocket […]

  20. […] ming reading – Action figure Edward, the all powerful MING reader! […]

  21. […] Edward the Ming Reader (Copy editor FAIL on the package) […]

  22. Yep, I wish it’s legs moved. The head position is creepy, and the paintwork on the head is just plain dodgy.

  23. […] the Edward Action figure thinking he’s be so awesome and so much fun, but it turns out he sucks. We told you that back in January. Just because we were the first to photograph him at random spots […]

  24. I almost peed my pants when I read the first post… honestly, how did I miss that? 🙂

    Anyway, I got my very own pocket Edward over the weekend. He immediately went hunting once freed from the vampire-restraining plastic. The results can be seen here:

    The newer Edwards must have gotten the bugs out because his legs are fine, MIND is correctly spelled, as is Masen. His head does tilt down oddly though. And I noticed one at FYE that looked like he had two right hands! I should have bought it!

  25. […] PS: I heard about the Ken doll-version of me. Needless to say, I’m not happy. Rumor has it he is anatomically correct. I know it’s hard to do yet some of you have managed it, but if you’ve seen me with my pants off, let me assure you I am not anatomically correct. Don’t compare me to the Ken-doll version of me, please. There is one and only one craptastic Edward Action figure! […]

  26. forget the toy…how about a real ‘action’ figure….a “Real Doll”
    har!!! :o[

  27. […] Oh wait- did I just call it “mind” reading? *Throw back to 2008 alert* I meant “ming” […]

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