The Twilosophy of Twilight celebrities

Dear Twilight cast member lovers,

I did a lot of thinking while I was on vacation last week. I tried not to, but as I laid on the beach, relaxing to the tunes on my iPod, feeling the salty breeze flow over my body, my mind drifted. And I know you know what that means. Yes. I thought about you all. And of Twilight. On vacation. I thought specifically about the lives of these stars that Moon & I write about each and every day. And I started pondering WHY we’re so enamored with them.

A few weeks ago, Moon & I were talking about how it seems like Taylor has no friends. Sure he has Big Daddy, and WE know he’s all the friend anyone could ever need, but Taylor’s an 18 year old guy. He shouldn’t yet be in the mindset of “I have a really cool dad who always knows how to get the best table at a national food chain.” He should be watching porn with his bros & getting crap from them for letting Taylor Swift drive HIM around Hillsboro village in Nashville last week (Oh, did I forget to mention my friend’s boss saw them drive by? Oops- it’s true.) And I’m not so sure Dakota has too many friends. Sure maybe there’s that girl who lent her a pencil once in Spanish class, but most 16 year olds are constantly surrounded by an entourage of gal pals (then again, most 16 year olds haven’t made more than I’ll ever make by the time they were 5…). And while she’s the originator of the fake lesbian- the girl bff- Kristen Stewart has never really been seen publicly with anyone other than costars or lovers. What do Taylor, Dakota & Kristen have in common? Twilight err Oprah err all think Rob is hot err NO! Child Stars. So I got thinking about how many people want to be friends with celebrities. I hear people talk all the time about being BFFs with Kristen and how they’d love to be her friend.. people say that all the time about all sorts of celebs- Hell, I even say it.. but why?

UC & Moon

Do your friends do THIS with you!?

If you know me at all in real life, you’ve probably heard about the friends I love dearly. Pardon me while I brag, but I have incredible friends. My friends run their own companies. They make me laugh- like could be on a comedy tour kind of laugh. They are artists, musicians and creators. They are extremely educated and smart, and yet half the time instead of talking to them I choose to blog about celebrities? Why? Sure Kristen uses big words from time to time and has an allure about her that might be mysterious and interesting to some, but I don’t think she’s ANY more interesting than any of the incredible people in my life. And Ashley has a smokin’ bod & a bitchface to rival Kstew’s, but give any of my friends a trainer, stylist & hair extensions and they’d be competing for the same modeling gigs she is.

What are we so interested in about celebrities? Their stories from being famous? That they are world-traveled? That they have money? That they “know” people? But who cares about the people they “know?” I just explained above the people I know. Give my friend Scott the level of celebrity that Rob has and he’d be much more alluring and better spoken- guaranteed. My husband is just as talented as any famous musician out there- I’d say that even if I didn’t sleep with him- and I can go on and on naming my friends & their talents. The only difference between with them and celebrities is that celebrities got a break. They were a few of the lucky, talented (or beautiful and untalented or just really lucky) who got through- very few do.

Come see my many talents

And it’s one thing to obsess over celebrities in general, but then we’re talking the TWILIGHT cast!? Some will argue for Kristen or Rob’s talent. Most will agree that Dakota is pretty legit, but no one seriously thinks Taylor is gonna win any sort of award except for “Kept me in business for the most time in years 2008-2009″ from Chris Hansen. Yet we talk about him over and over and over again. WHAT is it!? WHY is it!?

I know all these things, yet I still DESIRE to talk about celebs because their lives seem so much more interesting. But are they? Kristen may get to travel the world but at what cost- do those things matter if there’s no one really close to share it with? Did Rob ENJOY Budapest while being there? He might as well have been in Jersey, shooting in some old warehouse in Camden. And while going out to the Olive Garden with dad is cool the first couple of times, eventually….. that’s just a little sad….

I kind of feel bad for the Twi celebs- especially those who were sort of brought up in the world of the rich & famous- it’s one thing to not be able to go grab a burger in LA without getting photographed, but to have few close relationships? That makes me kinda sad….. Until I remember how much richer than are than me…. Never mind…

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Do you ever wonder why we’re so obsessed with celebrity culture? And specifically the celebs of Twilight? Do you agree that Tay, Dakota & Kristen seem to be semi-friendless? Wanna write them REAL letters & see if they wanna be pen pals?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Twilosophy, on a Friday?

Dear Twilosophy Class,

Normally on Fridays we like to go all “dumb” on you- post a funny story, a picture we can all lust over, etc. etc. etc. But today, you’re gonna have to DEAL with it because Moon & I got all Twilosophical through an email conversation with our friend EastFriend (yes- from The Quad- she’s still alive!) and it just HAD to be shared. While this may not be our normal Friday thang, you don’t want to miss this conversation. And we don’t want to miss your thoughts (although, I (UC) just left for vacation, so I’m going to have to miss it!)

EastFriend kicked us off sharing something she just read in Rolling Stone Magazine about Vampire Diaries, contrasting it with Twilight:

“We’re surrounded by bat-porn fantasies these days, but Vampire Diaries is the one that feels most authentic, because it’s the most adolescent, the most ordinary.  It would kill the fantasy if there were anything glamorous about Elena.  (That’s why Twilight was so great, when Kristen Stewart was just some mousy girl in a flannel shirt, and New Moon sucked, when Kristen Stewart was a movie star.)

EastFriend:

Really? “Twilight was so great?” “New Moon sucked?”

I do get the charm of the cast being relative unknowns when Twilight was 1st released, and the “old hat” feeling of them by the time we got to New Moon. And I also accept the fact that a percentage of the fandom is not on board with Eclipse due to (a) Being over it, (b) Hating Kristen, (c) Hating Rob for being with Kristen, (d) Worrying over David Slade and all these reshoot/new editor/blah-blah-blah rumors of late, etc., and (e) Complete over saturation of the series (how has Harry Potter maintained the magic for well over a decade?!?), which would fall in line with being over it, I guess.

Was Twilight “so great” because it was so “unknown” at first (and by unknown, I mean by the world at large–not by us, who’d read it at Hilton Head and knew greatness long before the masses!), and did New Moon suck because a cast full of young adults, heretofore unknown, had spent the previous year in our faces? Blogs, TV, magazine covers, websites, premieres, award shows, film festivals, etc.

Seriously. I have to discuss this.

Who is the best British fantasy star? I'm not sure, guess we'll have to see YOU naked, Rob...

UC:

The difference between Twilight and Harry Potter is that with HP we have to wait SO long between movies. I get why we don’t have to with Twilight:

#1- Summit wants the money NOW

#2- They don’t want the cast members to “Age,” but come on- it’s the MOVIES. you can make it work!

And about Twilight seeming so GREAT vs New Moon….I think it depends on who you ask about NM vs TWI…. reviewers & industry people hated both, but hated New MOON more- I think because it was a better quality movie- more money, more effort, less indie/rando/Cathy Cougar is a little drunk feeling. I think a lot of people connect with Catherine’s style & saw her portrayal of Twilight for what it was- a movie gearing towards the MTV crowd… and it was okay. It worked for what it needed to do. But with New Moon, Summit is trying to compete with major block-busters- with the Harry Potters & the comic-book-series of these days… and well, it falls majorly short if that’s what you’re comparing it to. But for us as fans (and most of the people that we come into contact with) the actors did SUCH a better job in NM & it was just less cheesy & more true to the book- so we love it more.

However… that being said.. I don’t have the emotional connection to New Moon like I did with Twilight. I haven’t watched the DVD yet. I didn’t see it as much in the theaters. Is that because of being inundated so much in the Twi world? After my emotional mess when I was entranced by this Twilight world and before I had the blogs to run to, I’d cry when I put on songs #7-12 of the soundtrack… the New Moon soundtrack is SOO GOOD and yet I never cried….. What IS that?

Get even DEEPER after the jump! Continue reading

Twilosophy: Why is the Leg Hitch in Eclipse SO important?

Dear LTT-ers and Twilosophy Majors,

Yesterday, after UC posted her thoughts on the Eclipse reshoots and how David Slade better get the “leg hitch” right and if that’s the reason for all the secrecy and need to go to Vancouver than she was all for it. Which we are, 100%. I mean we’re so committed to this being right we’re even willing to be the stand in’s or film it ourselves with a camera phone and Robert Pattinson in our wrought iron bed (we share one, duh. All good bloggers do) with gold brocade bedding we purchased at Anna’s Linens for the occasion. But as it turns out not everyone even knows what the crap the leg hitch even is. Witness this resulting conversation of me trying to explain it after yesterday’s post…
c

More like #cop a feel than #leg hitch

The Font: okay, i have pretended to understand this for long enough what the fuck is leg hitch?
Moon: i thought i explained it to you guys during a podcast
Font: no way, i would remember
Moon: ok, so in Eclipse theres this super hot scene that everyone always talks about. edward leaves to go off hunting with the dudes and leaves bella with alice and whoever at his house. well his room doesnt have a bed since vampires dont sleep so she thinks shes going to sleep on the couch or something during this weekend well anyway he gets her this bed (im so embarrassed) at some point in the weekend he comes back and they start getting it on. i will look up the quote but anyway during the making out it says something about “leg hitch.” we’ve been talking about it since last march and well it took off
Font:wait, leg hitch like his junk?
Moon: NOOOO! like grabbing someones leg and pulling it up
Font: I DON’T UNDERSTAND MOON*! what? this is a dry sex metaphor?
Moon: omg Font*
Font: Moon*, i have been reading this site for like six months (editors note: WAY longer. you’ve been making fun of me since at least last summer). i don’t know what the fuck is going on
Moon: OMG SERIOUSLY?!!!!! if you’re making out and/or having sex with someone
Font: i get it!
Moon: and you grab their leg like under the knee
Font: listen this is not my first rodeo
Moon: thank god! please dont make me explain it anymore!
Font: i really feel like this is a let down
Moon: why? cause, sometimes seeing behind the curtain isnt as good as the illusion.
Font:  truth, truth. But it’s such a weird phrase
Moon: I’m looking it up…

“He pulled my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip” -pg 186

Font: that doesn’t even make sense. these books are dumb
Moon: COME ON!

It's so important people feel the need to create fan art about it!

So of course this got me to thinking… why is the leg hitch so important? What about this seemingly small moment in the 3rd installment of the saga has captured the passion of so many people? And what does it say about the characters and us readers?

First off I think we have to understand that this is really one of the first “intense” (for them) make out moments Bella and Edward have. Besides some kissing and hugging the ultimate self cock blocker, Edward keeps it pretty G rated for the kids. So for readers who have been salivating over every little hand hold or emo eye locks in the science room, this is about more than we can handle. Bella and Edward touching… down… there?! ZOMG. But ever the moralist and well, a good story teller, Stephenie Meyer leaves us wanting more cause just when things are heating up Bella opens her dumb fat mouth and Edward remembers his priest-like lifestyle.

Secondly, this make out is the catalyst for a very important conversation between Edward in Bella. After remembering he thinks girls have cooties and pushing Bella away they discuss her not-s0-secret trips to La Push while he was gone. And FINALLY Edward figures out he’s being a monumentally freaky overprotective boyfriend and agrees that Bella should be able to visit Jacob and her friends in La Push. He comes to the realization that he needs to trust her judgment more. Even though she’s a danger magnet and is subconsciously, in some way in love with Jacob, Edward realizes that if Bella feels she’s safe than he needs to trust her.

Bada bing bada BOOM

And finally it’s important for Bella to see that Edward likes her in more than a vampire-I’m-attracted-to-your-blood-only kind of way. He wants her like any normal high school boy wants his girlfriend. Who doesn’t want to feel that way? Even though he shuts her down just when things are getting all mcsteamy up on the brocade bedspread, she already comes to the realization that he likes her on multiple levels.

But really, what isn’t there to GET about the leg hitch? It’s hot. It’s Edward in a bed doing all kinds of things high school girls and 20 somethings girls and 30 something girls and 40 something girls and moms and librarians and the Golden Girls dream about doing with a guy like him.

And THAT, my friends is why the much ballyhooed “leg hitch” is important!

We ain’t talkin’ trailer hitches!
Themoonisdown

So why do you think the leghitch is so important to us? Why is it important to Edward and Bella. What’s the BIG deal??


*We do not actually call each other Font and Moon in real life. Thank god. This is weird enough*

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

When Twihards attack

Dear Twihards,

First let’s come up with a better name for ourselves because I don’t exactly like to be called anything that ends in “hards.” Secondly, other people are onto us. It’s not just our little LTT corner of the fandom that discusses the ridiculous (but amazingness) of the phenomenon anymore. Other people know. Like REAL people who haven’t fallen for the Edward Cullen or Jacob Black trap. They haven’t been entranced by the “spider monkey” line or Buttcrack Santa or the Fake lesbians, the DILF’s mustard pants or the brilliancy of “They’re NOT Bears!”

A few weeks ago I heard about some drama going down on a blog called The Score Card Review. Basically every year they host their own movie awards on their site. They work with writers & people in the industry to come up with a list of the best movies, actors, screenplays etc. etc. etc. And then their readers vote. It’d be like if we did an LTT award ceremony and had you vote between Buttcrack Santa & Big Daddy (which would be CRUEL and unfair. HOW COULD ONE CHOOSE!?)

So anyway, New Moon was included as one of the options on a few categories. The guy running the awards said even though the movie wasn’t at the caliber as many of the Oscar-nominated movies that were also up for his award, it made a lot of money and he wanted to see where it ended up in the rankings. Here is the rest of the story, straight from his site:

Last year, 823 people voted. February 16, a date that will live in infamy to … well, me. I was tracking my stats, and noticed people finding the TSR Movie Awards from [a bunch of Twilight sites]. On February 16, I had over 2,000 voters. Then I looked at the results. Everything Twilight was nominated for, was destroying the competition. Destroying. Something had to be done. It was a hostile takeover. I ran some filters and noticed a couple of things.

1. A number of voters were only voting for Twilight and nothing else.
2. A large number of voters were giving everything Twilight a 10 and everything else a 1.
3. Moon was crushing everything else for Best Ending. Keep in mind this is a film barely anyone saw, yet hundreds were voting for it. I think it did $1.5 million at the box office. My best guess as to why this was happening … Remember when I said the awards appeared on many Spanish websites? I think they recognized the word Moon and decided that must be The Twilight Saga: New Moon. When Moon was the ONLY film hundreds voted on for Best Ending, it’s the most reasonable explanation.

The site decided to pull New Moon from the awards. This was (part of) their official statement:

Unfortunately, I had to remove ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’ choices. Too many twihards were giving everything Twilight a 10, and every other film a 1, trying to manipulate the results.

I love movies, movie fans and I have no problem with people loving Twilight, but trying to kill other movies is not the point of these awards….but here is an example of what was happening …

In the BEST MUSIC category, Twilight had a 9.3 score. The next highest was Crazy Heart with a 3.8. That was the next highest! In other words, there were hundreds of twihards who decided the best way for Twilight to win was to give the other nominees a 1.

Apparently fans FLIPPED out & sent him hate mail & hate comments. And he had some pretty strong words for the “Twihards” and called them out for their avid fan… uh.. ish.. ness. Yes. their fanishness..

Hear my thoughts & get Twilosophical with me after the jump Continue reading

Dear Hollywood Twilight; you killed my dream

Darling readers: I watched football (the American kind- not soccer) last night. AKA the sport that’s been proven to cause brain damage in its players. And therefore I believe it has caused brain damage to its watchers. (It’s the only explanation I can come up with for ANYONE thinking that “Coors Light” (the official beer of the NFL) is worth drinking) and as a result I cannot lead today’s Twilosophy discussion. But have no fear, we have a fan letter to act as your teacher today! XO, UC

Dear Hollywood Twilight,

I will open this letter by admitting one thing…you had already turned Twilight into a movie before I began reading the books. I knew you existed, but out of complete disinterest, I knew nothing about the movies or the actors within.

Then my curiosity began to grow over these books that my educated, married, adult girlfriends were enraptured with. I knew they were written for teenage girls, so why in the world would my coworkers be so enthralled? So I decided to give Twilight a shot. And I fell hard. I should not have, but I did. The book made me swoon. I wanted more. I needed more.

Let me pause and tell you that I fancy myself an educated woman. I have an advanced engineering degree in a very specialized field from one of the most prestigious engineering schools in the country. I have always been an avid reader. My personal favorites belonged mostly on an assigned reading list for a literature class rather than in the young adult section…even when I was a young adult. There was no reason I should like these books.

But I did. Oh, Hollywood Twilight, I loved those books.

The "real" Edward Cullen?

They resurrected someone in me with whom I had not spoken in a long time. The girl who dreamed that the perfect man existed. The man who was smart without being obnoxious, athletic without being prideful, attractive without the narcissism, gentle without being weak, and a gentleman without being corny. I had once imagine this perfect man existed. It was a happier time before the world introduced me to reality. I dreamed of Edward, although he never previously had a name. Now that I had read these books though, “Edward” would work. It seemed to fit.

I saw your movie adaptation of Twilight and was disappointed, appalled even. You know, Hollywood Twilight, it is your line of work that is supposed to bring stories to life. But you failed. You failed miserably. I was heartbroken that the Forks in my head was so much more realistic than the town you portrayed in that terrible excuse for cinematography. As an engineer, I should not be able to conjure up more desirable images in my head than you can on stage. But I did. And it made me throw up a little in my mouth.

But you know. I am a forgiving person. You didn’t have much of a budget. I can excuse that. You were born out of a cult following. I can get over it. The atrocity that was your movie didn’t stay with me long. It (the movie and the experience) was less than memorable.

Should've been Edward Cullen

As the release of New Moon approached, I became excited. I knew a bigger budget and a new director meant something good for this movie. I reread the series, including Midnight Sun and my Forks was alive once again. I began following blogs like LTT and LTR. I was so enthralled with what was to be. I began drowning in photos and trailers of actors and characters and sets, and all of their personal drama. It was very much like that teenage girl in me was flourishing again…following Hollywood drama liked I honestly cared.

And I was not disappointed this time. This movie was much more like what had played in my head originally. Sure there are discrepancies from the book, but I can handle a few of those. This one was more along the lines of my dream-scape.

But oh, Hollywood Twilight, it was not until last night that I realized the extent to which you have affected my life. I had no idea how far-reaching your ugly hand could reach. You see, last night I settled in for a nice long, bubble bath. I wanted–no needed–to escape the chaos of the day and the exhaustion that results from motherhood. So I grabbed Twilight off the bookshelf for the first time since last June. It would give me a dose of guilty-pleasure reading that I needed. An escape from reality.

As I got to that first cafeteria scene, I stopped dead in my tracks. I re-read it. I was mortified. I wanted badly to bang my head into the side of the bathtub to get the images out of my head, but thought that might cause great distress when my husband came running to find out what I was doing. You see, Hollywood Twilight, you have invaded my fantasies. The Edward that I had fallen in love with was no longer there in that book. It was Robert-freaking-Pattinson. WHY?!?! I read it about 3 times trying to get the imagine of him as Edward out of my head, but he just would not go away. Curse you, Hollywood Twilight. Curse you.

The Fan choice for Edward Cullen- TomStu

You see…I’m not a fan of Mr. Pattinson. I know there are others who will vehemently disagree with me, and I can respect their opinions. But he is not MY Edward. My Edward was very different. Not a bad acting, sullen, sparkly Edward who needs to find some tweezers for those brows, but my own personal reverie.

So now I wish you to know that while I will continue reading the series again, I am afraid that the saga is ruined for me. I will now probably take much more notice of the repetitive adjectives, the impracticality of this teenage girl’s interaction with other people including her father, the holes left in the plot by the over-fictionalization of vampire lore. I will probably notice much more that Jacob was so much better for Bella than Edward, and that from a psychologist’s point of view, Bella had some real dependency issues (and Edward was quite the stalker). That’s right, Hollywood Twilight. You’ve killed my dream.

Thanks. (sardonically)

–Hoping to one day reunite with MY Edward

This week we’re running some AMAZING contests on LTT, LTR and The Forum and we’re giving away the most amazing prizes. Make sure you check out the Letters to Twilight Valentines Day contest!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

My Twilight confession (it just makes no sense)

Dear Twilosophy 101 Class,

A few days ago I was just sitting at my desk at work and suddenly overcome with emotion. Like I cried real, actual tears. Why? Oh, just “Flightless bird, American mouth” by Iron & Wine from the Twi soundtrack came on. Why in the world did that make me cry!? Because I started remembering how it used to choke me up, and how I used to listen to the soundtrack over and over again… Remembering the story- Remembering Bella and Edward…their forbidden love… and DYING to see the movie again!

Hey. I have a beard. And will make you cry with my songs

I’ve seen New Moon 4 times (I know, THAT’s it! Moon is killing me in the # of times she’s seen it!) It’s still in a few theaters in my area, although it’s not EVERYWHERE like it was…. but, honestly, I’m not sure I’m going to go see it again. I don’t NEED to see it. I NEEDED to see Twilight. I’d sit at my desk, I’d get all teary-eyed when Iron & Wine came on… and then I’d make plans to go see the movie.

It makes no sense.

It’s not rational.

Twilight isn’t good

New Moon is better (but still not very good)

So why am I choked up right now? Is it the reminder of how entranced I was a year ago by the phenomenon? Is it the remembrance of the hours I spent google-stalking Rob Pattinson and learning intimate details about all the cast members we hate slash love now?

The hype has died down. Forget for a second that New Moon has made almost 700 billion dollars world-wide- The Twilight movie’s hype lasted longer. Maybe it’s because they needed to make room for Avatar, but New Moon is disappearing in theaters all across the country. I think this time last year it was still going strong in theaters across the nation. Twilight wasn’t released world-wide all at once, so I suppose the hype and buzz just grew and grew into eventual explosion. New Moon feels like it all exploded at once on November 20th.

But why don’t I cry when I listen to the New Moon soundtrack? God knows it’s the most effing depressing thing out there. Bon Iver kills me when he sings with St. Vincent. Thom Yorke gives me butterfly feelings in my belly (get the soundtrack on vinyl if you have a record player- besides the fact that it’s annoyingly on 4 sides, it sounds so amazing!) but I don’t cry. There’s no ‘moment’ song like Iron & Wine’s song at the prom scene for me.

I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes, feeling like a crazy person (I am) because I’m crying over memories of a really bad movie and how it made me feel, and I’m wishing that its less bad but still sucky part 2 would make me feel the same…

Here’s to that mother effing leg hitch and whatever song comes with it that better make me cry a whole year later after I first hear it,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Am I crazy? Feel the same? Self-conscious cause you know The Font is gonna read your comments?

Follow the jump for a special message from us! Continue reading

Twilosophy: Charlie & Renee – a parenting cop out?

Dear Twilosophy Majors,

My good pal nopaperkg has just recently begun reading Breaking Dawn and on our road trip back from the holiday break she turned on her copy of the Breaking Dawn audiobook. While the audiobook version is a whole ‘nother post for a different day suffice it to say it got me thinking again about the saga through new eyes. Something about hearing a woman imitating a man’s voice or maybe hearing the only book in the saga I’ve read once being dramatically read to me gave it new life. And it brought up some of my old questions I had that started back in the Twilight book. We listened to the chapter of Breaking Dawn where Charlie sees Bella for the first time since she’s been changed into a Vampire. He tells Bella that the less he knows the better. And so that got me to thinking…

Is Charlie’s (and for that matter Renee’s) parenting style a cop out? Now obviously, I’m not a parent, and who knows if I ever will be one, but I know from having a couple of really good parents of my own that none of this shiz Bella tries to pull would NEVER have flown. The “less I know, the better” would NOT have happened in my house. Especially if I supposedly came down with some tropical disease on my honeymoon that required me to go to the center of disease control. RIGHT. My mom would have beat me to the center before I ever got there. And the whole Renesmee is our maybe daughter/maybe niece who grows at an unnatural rate and has a betrothed that is a werewolf on the side. Nope, don’t want to know anything about it, TMI! YEA RIGHT.

Hey baby, I'll maybe see you in 2 years when you graduate. Oh wait, I won't.

Let’s take it back to New Moon. Had my boyfriend dumped me and left me in the woods which would lead me into a downward depression spiral my mom would have been on the first plane out. Especially if months went by where I became a zombie with night terrors and a penchant for dangerous after school activities. Is Charlie not sharing the whole truth with Renee? Is she too busy in Jacksonville with Phil the minor league baseball player to care about her child who is hurting?

Read more Twilosophy after the jump
Continue reading

A healthy debate: Kristen Stewart’s Acting

Throughout this letter I’m going to use something called sarcasm. Unfamiliar? Read this. Many people hate Kristen Stewart because they are sadface that she is (apparently) with Robert Pattinson. I am one of them. I cannot judge Kristen Stewart fairly without thinking of her with Robert Pattinson. She does a commercial for cat litter and surrounds herself with 18 little white kittens? I hate it because all I can think about is how she gets to do Rob Pattinson after she gets to play with all those adorable kittens. In Adventureland she does a sex scene with a douche-bag married to a Woody Allen darling? She is an automatic awful fake movie sexer because she’s having the real sex with Rob Pattinson. Remember, Read this if you have any questions.

Dear Twilosophy Debate Class 101,

Today we’re going to have a healthy debate. Any questions?

Why are you opening THIS can of worms when we have had peace on LTT for awhile and Robsteners/Nonsteners/Swiftners/Non-Swiftnerers (Wait a second- WHO could be a Non-Swiftnerer? Seriously? Have you seen these two? So freakin’ adorable) have been getting along?

Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic and when I think of stuff I like to share it with the LTT community. Also KStew411 tweeted this amazing video and I really needed a reason to post it

The beginning

Kristen and I had a rocky beginning. First of all she kissed Adam Brody in In the Land of Women, and that’s when I knew I would hate her for eternity. Plus that movie sucked and that pains me to say because I heart Adam Brody something fierce. I remember being very underwhelmed by all the performances in that movie, not just Kristen’s.  I’ll have to break it out again to decide for sure what I think of her specifically, but I’d rather die than do that. So let’s just leave it at that.

KristenAdamBrody

Bitch! Seriously, I'll facepunch you so hard....

And then came Twilight. I walked away consumed with the desire to FACE PUNCH her except I didn’t know it was that desire since FACE PUNCH doesn’t get referenced until New Moon. “SHE gets to DO Rob Pattinson!?” I thought. (Except I didn’t think that since I didn’t think they were DOING it then since I was underwhelmed by their on-screen chemistry and knew nothing of the off screen rumors.) I was confused. I thought her casting was SPOT ON for the character of Bella. But her portrayal of Bella….? Well, it took me awhile to put it into words, but let’s just leave it at- I wasn’t so crazy about it. (Refer to the above video for many of the reasons why)

New Moon

I feared a Twilight repeat. I did. So much of that movie hinged on Kristen’s ability to make us believe in her pain. I came away from that midnight showing really happy with what I saw! I believed her! I felt her loss. I even shed a tear or two even though I knew that Edward would eventually come back and then they’d have some awesome make-out scenes complete with an EPIC Leg Hitch (Don’t do it and DIE, David Slade) and would eventually skinny-dip in the ocean after which they’d do it in probably the most talked about fade-to-black scene ever written, finally resulting in the birth of a half-human, half-vampire genius-child who would be imprinted upon by a werewolf. I cried even though I knew that would happen. (Actually, that’s probably why I cried. Couldn’t he just STAY and give her amazing birthday sex?) Also I didn’t cry until Lykke Li’s “Possibility” came on because I feel emotions through music. Plus, Kristen had my FAVORITE line in all of New Moon. Listen for it here in this clip, courtesy of Brookelockart’s pirated copy of the movie:

Click for awesomeness

So… why the sudden change of heart towards Kristen? Were my expectations SO low for the movie that surpassing them wasn’t that hard to do (That’s actually possible) Did she REALLY step it up a notch this movie? Was Chris Weitz a better director for her? Clearly I just forgot that she was banging Rob with his absence. Instead I thought about flowers, kittens and Swiftner. Or maybe Stewner- yes… that’s right! While watching the movie I invented, in my mind, a real relationship between Kristen & Taylor. She makes him homemade protein shakes while he improves his pectoral muscles. It’s a beautiful relationship. And an obvious one. How else would she know that Taylor carries around little baggies of meat patties? You know, I bet Kristen even bags Tay’s meat patties for him in NAME-BRAND baggies. She loves him that much. Best of all Rob is single & Taylor Swift writes an amazing break-up song that brings me to tears until the end when a wolf is mauled to death by a bear (because afterall, Kristen let us in on a little secret- “They’re Not Bears“) Continue reading

Twilosophy: I am NOT the number 1 Twilight fan!

Dear Twilight and fellow LTT-ers,

Recently a girl I sorta know found out about the blogs and asked me “so you’re like the number one Twilight fan, huh?!” and I wholeheartedly and vehemently said NO! No I am NOT the number one Twilight fan cause in my mind number one fan is some crazy lunatic with Twilight tattoos, owns the entire line of tshirts from Hot Topic, sleeps on the sidewalk for days on end…  number one fan brings to mind visions of that show, FANatic on MTV and how some crazy person deemed an artist’s number one fan went apeshit when they met SugarRay or Britney Spears and that’s about the farthest thing from what I’d do if I ever REALLY met any of these people in real life. In reality I’d pretty much look the other way while hoping they didn’t think I was staring at them. Far from having a fangirl freak out or even acknowledging that I know who they are and NEVER ever in a million years mentioning that I write a blog about them or the books every day.

Yup, number one fan, that's me!

But just because I’m not those things that make me think #1 fan does that make me any less of one? Maybe I really am a number 1 fan. I run this blog, I’ve been to more than my fair share of Twilight related events, heck I have business cards in my handbag with this blog’s URL on it… somehow in my mind this does not equate number one fan but to the outside world, aka the rest of the population, who only know Twilight as that thing “the kids are into” I probably look like the biggest fan that ever lived.

I shudder to think!

So what does it all mean? Follow the cut to see what I come up with…
Continue reading

The critics weigh in: Did New Moon suck or not?

*Spoilers all throughout, again. And seriously if you’re reading LTT but haven’t seen the movie yet you better have a GOOD reason. Swine Flu? Rob knocked on your door and said he’d be with you but only if you promised never to see one of his films? So if you haven’t seen the movie, best you skip on by. If you have, pull up your pencil & notepad, it’s time for a major New Moon-losophy:

EdwardNewMoon

I'm about to dissappear so that Chris Hansen can keep his career busy for the next few months

Dear LTTers,

Okay- Be honest, how many more times did you see New Moon? So far the record I know of at LTT is @Brookelockart who saw it three times. I’ve only seen it once, and I’m pretty miserable about it. But I promised my best friends I’d see it with them on Tuesday, so I guess I can wait until then.  In the meantime I’ve been thinking about New Moon a lot. I’d think that was weird except by now I know to just say “That’s Normal.” So at brunch today after I talked my husband’s ear off about what a great job I thought Taylor did and how I didn’t miss Rob at all but then loved him when he returned, I took the “I’m only listening to you now so that I don’t have to hear about it later, plus I know the more accepting I am of this the more guilty you’ll feel that we spent the whole time talking about you therefore you’ll be more giving in the bedroom” gaze on his face as totally normal, as well.

Since I finished re-reading New Moon on my plane ride home from Los Angeles and I can’t see the movie until Tuesday, I’ve been doing a bit of reading online to pass the time and get my New Moon fill. First I started with fan reviews.  They were basically the same- filled with “OH MY GAWD Taylor’s abs” and “I think I might switch teams” and “I’m most DEFINITELY not leaving Team Edward but dayyyummmmm can I stare at Jacob’s abs one more time?” Not to forget “Cathy Hardi you suck” and “MARRY  ME CHRIS WEITZ” sprinkled with a little “Kristen now that Nikki is out of the picture can WE be fake lesbians” and “THE ENDING.. AHHH” and “I can’t wait for JUNE!” (Does that basically sum up all the feelings?) But the critic reviews were a different story.

I stayed away from critic reviews before I saw the movie. I wasn’t going to, but then I remembered how I read a review last year before seeing Twilight that suggested that Cathy Hardi’s close up shots of Rob & Kristen’s faces were because they couldn’t portray the connection Edward & Bella were supposed to have well enough. I could never get that out of my head, and I think about it every time I see the movie (and tend to agree). So this time I stayed away from the reviews so I could form my own opinions. Obviously, I loved the movie and I’m looking forward to seeing what my 2nd-10th viewings show me (My husband said if I see it more than 10 times he’ll put me in an institution)

Read all about the reviews after the jump Continue reading

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 158 other followers