LTT Podcast Episode 5 – All the family together at last!

Dear LTT-ers,

Guess what! We FINALLY joined the 21st century, figured out technology and Both UC and I AND The Font and White Yorkie are together at last on Episode 5 of the podcast. All our voices together at last discussing all the latest in the Twi-world, it’s like a chorus of angels singing. Kinda like when Robert Pattinson walks down the street. And I must admit it might be the best one we’ve done. For reals.

Episode 5 – Robert Pack-it-in-your-son Part 1 (right click save as)

  • UC intros us!
  • LTT is chosen to participate in the “fan junket” with Stephenie Meyer – White Yorkie & The Font react. They also give us ideas for questions as only they could.
    -Discussion of  the evolution of Stephenie Meyer’s writing
    -How our questions will be different
    -Moon is secretly dating the Twilight guy

The only acceptable ipod to listen to this podcast on

  • Kristen’s Roadtrip
    -Rob Zombie and musical taste
  • The Font and White Yorkie ask us about Ok Magazine
    -Masters of spin
  • Official LTT Store
    -Reaction to the Unicorn tshirt
    -Send your pictures of you in LTT/LTR gear and the Font & White Yorkie will
    -Autographing underwear at Comic Con
    -White Yorkie’s type of ladies
  • Big announcement!
  • The LOD / Brit Pack

Reader Responses from last week – The Flash, Justin Long & Bruce Willis

  • LTT Event during Eclipse week in Los Angeles

Or I guess this one is acceptable too...

Reader Questions

  • Do guys really have a problem dating older women? If Bella can be with Edward who’s 107, why isn’t it the other way around? White Yorkie gets personal. What about the cougar phenomenon? UC gets personal

So there you have it! Part 1 of the whole podcasting family together at last. Wasn’t it great? Want more? Then you have to send us your questions, news topics for discussion, haiku’s to read, poetry and applications for the boys’ hearts! We work off your questions alone! EMAIL your questions to our special podcast email and hopefully your question will be featured on the next LTT podcast!

Happy Thursday!
Themoonisdown

PS If your name is NOT UC than PLEASE please read this post for a special announcement! Seriously, GO read it!

Need more LTT Podcasts in your life? Check em out!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Kristen Stewart in Elle UK- some thoughts

Psst- read this article before you read today’s letter or else you’ll be confused

Dear Kristen,

First I want to congratulate you on your gorgeous pics in Elle UK. They make me wish I was a guy so we could get it on or wish you liked girls & I liked girls so we could be something special- – wait… no they don’t… That’s weird. Just stating for the record that I’m a straight girl who in no way wants to see your “cooter.” However, I would like to borrow your sweater.

Moving on, there are a few things from the article accompanying the pictures that I’d like to discuss:

We get it

You don’t have to keep reiterating it. We got it the first thousand times you said it. You care. You give a sh*t. You care so much that it literally makes you want to give your sh*t to people. Got it. You never have to say it again. We won’t forget. Promise.

Your Driving
It sounds kinda f*cking crazy (oh ps, I’m gonna talk hardcore all letter-long. You inspired me) You speed, you “simultaneously light a cigarette and overtake a truck.” You answer your phone while driving (illegal in CA, by the way) and your foot was “still heavy on the accelerator pedal.” SLOW DOWN! We can’t have Breaking Dawn without Bella now can we? What would Isle Esme be like? Edward… by himself…. just him on an island.. bathing…. swimming…. naked…alone…. Oh wait…that might not be so bad

Your Dirtiness
The interviewer describes you as “In a slightly grotty hoodie, skinny jeans and a pair of old sneakers, greasy hair flopping around…” and says you “bite on a hangnail with her teeth” (What ELSE would she bite with , interview lady?) Plus there are vivid pictures painted of you smoking a ‘fag’ (that’s the only word I could come up with dirty enough for cigarette) and holding your broken blackberry case (they sell rubber ones at 5 & below, FYI) with the battery exposed.

To be honest, I’m concerned with your safety AND health. You’re not showering regularly, you’re speeding, you’re smoking and you leave an exposed battery close to your face? Who’s taking care of you? Cause we certainly know it isn’t Robert Pattinson.

The question you WON’T answer

“What I say is, then why would I want anything that’s private to become entertainment for other people?”

Too F*cking late hunny. You’ve been entertaining people since the moment they saw the bedroom kiss scene in Twilight. And then when Catherine Hardwicke confirmed that there was “chemistry” and kinda did a pelvic thrust in the air so that we’d catch her drift (Cathy- we ALWAYS catch your drift) it just got worse.  But I’m here to tell you that this is what would change in my life if you admitted you and Rob were together:

Nothing

I would continue to lust after your boyfriend on my blog LTR. I would continue to talk about how you make love on a bear skin rug in front of a fire because it’s one of my very favorite topics of conversation. I would continue to make manips of your future children & your future grandchildren- with Rob with sexy grandpa hair. I’d create a future family portrait and show it hanging on a flannel wallpapered wall. (I would actually never do that, but I’d be happy to continue FINDING the many manips that exist like this and tweet them out every Friday night after a few G&Ts) I would continue to think people obsessed with your love or obsessed with hating your love is weird. And I would continue to use their weirdness as MY entertainment. That’s it.

The ‘entertainment’ of Robsten IS in the guessing. So stop entertaining and just mother f*cking admit it (F*ck- I added that for emphasis because I’ve been inspired to be hard core today, as you remember)

(I would like to take this moment in time to point out you said this about those obsessed with your relationship:

“They pick up every little scrap, and that’s much worse”

and remind those that “pick up every scrap” that she’s talking to you. And doesn’t like it.)

Coothers
While I’m not sure WHY you were discussing names for female anatomy, I AM sure that I haven’t heard the word “Cooter” since my 12 year old chubby cousin called me that after digging up worms in our grandma’s yard. And for the record, MY favorite word for that is “box” (pick your fav here- and pay special attention to the LAST one listed)

The other stuff

  • Your love for cats- marry me. We can be old crazy fake lesbian cat ladies together. Jella & (my cat) Jonas could get married and have little kitties with “J” names too
  • The 3rd album you were talking about- I have a good guess. Don’t count on it.
  • Li-Lo comment: that was nice. Almost too nice because she is somewhat at fault…

Then there’s the lobster shack: Number 1, Moon can we go there when I visit? It sounds yummy (and I wanna take pictures of the Krisbians lined up for days on end hoping she comes back) and Number 2 this (reason why you wouldn’t order your own damn food)

“It’s an interaction thing. It would be fine if people talked shit about me at their own table, but sometimes you’re just not in the right state of dress to talk to people, and they’re like, “Oh she IS a crack whore, just like Perez says.”

First, SERIOUSLY K? Why are you reading Perez!? If you want to see yourself with jizz drawn on your face, I can send you my personal collection! Don’t sweat what Perez says. NO ONE takes that shit seriously. Secondly, come on… if someone- ANYONE walks into a place where I consume food “In a slightly grotty hoodie, skinny jeans and a pair of old sneakers, greasy hair flopping around…” “biting on a hangnail with her teeth” smoking a fag, I’m probably gonna talk about it. And tweet it. And blog about it- even if she isn’t famous. Can you blame them? Good choice on the ahi-tuna burger though. Damn I’m hungry

The picture
It was cute of you to share a secret moment with the interviewer. I didn’t know Taylor Lautner liked cats too! We should have a kitty party! Just as long as you promise not to mention the word “cooter.” I’m pretty sure that would make Taylor cry!

Your interview reminded me how young you are- you say “kids my age” and I remember, “oh yeah.. she is still a kid.” You’re JUST getting into The Smiths and Camera Obscura? [Moon says not to underestimate the kids in the suburbs- she knew who Joan Jett was well before your age. Sadly, I did not. I listened to Avalon. Adonai is where it's at] And then..… Interpol? And you described who Broken Bells were!? I mean… seriously- love them all and they’re great, but I haven’t heard anyone mention Interpol as a “new band they’re into” since 2004. And while I appreciate knowing you’re listening to good stuff & not Miley & Beiber, just STOP talking about! it!! Don’t you know that all the Twi-hards are going to force the ticket prices up to the shows I want to go!? And I’m sure you’re listening to The Smith’s on vinyl (if not, start now) but NEVER EVER admit to it. I will hold you responsible if I can’t ever find their records any more at my favorite stores. K, I feel like you need an older influence in your life. Someone to borrow clothes from before an interview, help you quit smoking, buy some duc tape for that broken BlackBerry (or just upgrade you to an iPhone) and introduce you to bands while reminding you to never mention their names in interviews. Oh and to borrow that sweater. Which I assume you stole from the photoshoot? Because you know a guy who taught you that’s what you’re supposed to do…right?

“Let’s get out of the this country,”
UnintendedChoice

What did you think of the Elle interview? Do you wanna go fake lesbian for Kristen’s pictures? Think we’re supposed to assume it’s “you know who” in the picture with the cat on her iPod? WHO PUTS PICTURES ON THEIR iPOD!?

Read the whole interview & see scans of the pictures on TwiCrack

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

The Video Round Up: Ex Lesbian Lovers get real, Muse rocks and Vitamin Water makes fun of us

Dear LTT-ers,

With all the hub-bub of the past fews days we’re already gotten behind on all the Eclipse info starting to come out. FINALLY! But I guess I gotta say I’m glad they didn’t kill us with stuff from the movie like they did with New Moon. Let’s hope this less-is-more approach holds out for the next month.

Tons of new videos, clips and commercials are out and we gotta talk about some of these, so I thought we could do a few mini letters within a letter


Dear Nikki and Kristen,

Why do I get the feeling this whole scene was actually not taken from the movie but was in reality a conversation between you two while you waited to be called to set? The obvious disdain for each other is oddly reminiscent of your rumored ex-friendship. You girls went from fake lesbian lovers who were more interested in each other than actual boys to never being seen in public together again, rumored screaming fights, and greek shipping heir boyfriends. What happened here? What it really all about “the choice” like the tagline the Eclipse marketers want to shove down our throats?

Did you, Kristen have the choice between Oregano and Rob while Nikki sat on the sideline hoping you’d stay with the Italian spice so she could slide in with the new guy. But instead you dropped the old news for the new flavor of the week. Must have been a sad day for you Nikki when you were ousted from the “family.” And all because of KStew’s choice. Word to the wise for next time Nikki, don’t push the hand of the 19yr old on the freshmen team. Just sit back and watch her crumble under the pressure of trying to play in the varity league with the big girls, but  instead you gamed too hard and effectively had the choice made for you. Rookie mistake my friend. Stick around, let the big girls show you how it’s done.

Varsity Team!
Moon

PS Girls, these wigs need readjusting the hair lines are lower than my pantyhose after the elastic’s shot.

FINALLY, the first single from the soundtrack is due out TODAY! MTV will be debuting the video for Neutron Star Collision.


(enjoy this creeper photo for 3ish minutes)

Dear Muse,

You guys are SO over the top I can’t help but love you. What’s better for this dazzling, balls to the wall, romantic, idealistic saga then you guys bellowing over galloping guitars, bombastic piano lines and drum loops? NOTHING. Sadly, this will probably just be over the closing credits since that always seems to be the place they stick the lead single from these movies. But if I was in charge I’d make Bill Condon come in early and stage some huge over the top musical number. Think: dancing werewolves, twirling police officers, fountains of spurting blood in the background and glitter falling from the heavens on Bella and Edward. Best scene ever. DONE.

Jazz Hands!
Moon

Dear Vitamin Water Ad geniuses-

Are you people serious? Like really? My cat “Forks?” My bodies free radical “Victorias?”

Just don’t, Ok?

As “normal” fans we deal with people thinking we’re crazy already just because we like Twilight, we don’t need a national television spot perpetuating the assumption that we’re all camping out for Eclipse with glitter in our pockets. What I’m sure you want to come off as funny comes off as condescending. I’m all for making fun of the crazies in the world, but I don’t need another thing I have to explain to people as a false assumption about all fans. I’ve already got my hands full with the Twimom fiasco from Oprah.

Why don’t you hire a new creative agency to actually come up with something fresh/funny instead of tired material about the fans? WE can make fun of fans because WE ARE FANS. You are not. Catch the difference?

Thanks, but NO THANKS.
Moon

PS If you’d like to try again by sending me a case of Essential and Power C I may cut you a little slack. JUST SAYIN’

So did anyone else get the totally art imitating life vibe from that NReed/KStew video? And seriously, the Vitamin Water ad? Embarrassing!

LAST DAY TO ENTER!!! Wanna win a tshirt from our new LTT Store? Our “In 20 years” Contest is going on until Thursday! Read all about it & then get your entries sent in!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Monday Funnies: Twilight, In 20 Years… and the LTT/LTR Store

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s a Monday and you might be on your 3rd cup of coffee looking to wake up and shake off the tireds. But you can’t, I know. In fact you’re probably looking pretty haggard when you catch your glimpse in the reflection of the coffee pot in the break room and wondered, ‘when the crap did I age 20 years?’ You’re definitely not eternally 17. So I was thinking if normal people feel this way than the twi folks have to have a few haggard days themselves. Since we could all use a pick-me-up and helped out with the site In 20 Years that Brooke sent me, I present you some of our Twilight folks… IN TWENTY YEARS!

First up we have Rob…

Hmmm… they usually say men get better with age… but it appears as though Rob’s eyebrows have just grown with age. And he may just have a drooling problem…


Daaamn and we thought present day Kristen was a hardass… look at what 20 years and some smokes will do to you… Joan Jett, midlife crisis movie here she comes!

Then it was Taylor’s turn and a funny thing happened…
I put this picture in, but kept getting this back
Looks like the apple (or the double bacon cheese burger) doesn’t fall far from the tree…

Follow the cut to see an extra special treat AAANNNDDD an extra special announcement. Spoiler alert it may involve tshirts

Continue reading

A special Twilight birthday wish, for a special Twilight Girl

Dear Moon,

Happy Birthday! If you remember your birthday at all last year (If I recall you went on a pub crawl, so you may not) we celebrated your birthday on LTT with birthday greetings from the Cullens.

Well, they’re too busy this year impressing men with their ability to fight as opposed to letting us women peek in our their most intimate moments together, which is why we liked their story in the first place (no I didn’t just watch the Oprah Eclipse trailer for the first time & noooo I don’t think they’re pushing hard to capture a male audience. Why would you think that!?) so I thought I’d check in with some our favorite Twilight actors & LTT-characters for birthday wishes for you. Well, let me be clear- I have no interaction with these people… but if I did, I’m SURE this is what they’d say:

Jackson:

Moon for your birthday I promise to shower & look like my picture to the left for at least 24 hours. PLUS, I’ll even put down the guitar and come over and watch all my episodes from The OC with you. Then I’ll act out the baseball scene from Twilight. And show you what else I can do with my bat.

Rob:

I know that every time I’m photographed out and about some where in LA you lament, “UH why was he THERE? He needs ME to show him where to hang out in LA.” Well, for your birthday I’ll let you be my LA travel guide. We can start with brunch at the little cafe down the hill from your house where UC loves to get coffee (you know- the one across from the pot smoker’s coffee shop- if we wanna stop in there later, I know a girl who can score us some weed), and then we’ll hit the thrift shops that the paparazzi don’t know about, followed up by a trip to Amoeba Music to check out their record collection (Slightly obvious, but I figured you would’t HATE it if we happened to get photographed together). Then you can show me some of LA’s best, unknown beaches and after laying out in the sun Tyler & Ally style we’ll go back to your place for a little dance party- since I know you love those- but it’ll just be you and me. How does that sound? And I’d like to see your record collection so if you wanna lead me up to your bedroom and show me where you keep the music… well, then.. I wouldn’t mind lounging on your bed while you educate me with your fine music skills….and if you want to lounge on your bed also… I won’t mind. I’ll even pretend not to notice the Edward Cullen pillowcase starting up at me from the head of the bed… After the records are over I hope you don’t mind if I pick up the guitar in the corner by your closet. I wrote a little something with you in mind… I might mumble it while lounging on your bed, if that’s okay with you. It’s okay if you get emotional. It’s okay if you stare intently at me- I’ll be staring back. If you need me to hold you I’ll do that too, but I promise you… I have bigger plans in mind….I always treat my travel guides with the utmost care & respect. And after all, we both deserve a “happy ending” [Uh, is it getting hot in here? And did I just say that about a Moon/Rob fantasy?)

After the jump, find out if Moon gets her birthday wish- a Fake Lesbian story starring her, Nikki & Kristen! Continue reading

Peoples 50 most beautiful people: Kristen Stewart and her style icon John Belushi

Quality reading

Dear Kristen,

I was perusing my copy of People with that cute little baby Louis and his mom ol Sandy Bullock on the cover which just happens to be a double issue with the 50 Most Beautiful People in it. Double your pleasure, double you fun! Of course Rob was in there, and Ashley Greene was in there all looking smokin’ hot, though it was an OLD ASS picture of Rob (tsk tsk People). And then I got to you and I started to dissect your awesome eye makeup. And then I read your quote. Now granted most of the celeb quotes are mind numbing crap about inner beauty or drinking a lot of water, so I give you props for your yours but it read nothing but this:

“My fashion icon is John Belushi. Seriously!”

Seriously, Kristen? JOHN BELUSHI? No one will deny the man is a comedy legend or that he was taken from us too soon, but FASHION ICON? The man who wore the “College” sweatshirt and was pretty much the Chris Farley of his generation… So it got me to thinking, you say this but is it really true, have you really been idolizing John Belushi’s fashion and trying to channel it in your own life? So I took to the google images and I gotta say you might be telling the truth…

First we start off with the classic Ray Bans…

Ok… ok that was an easy one


Plaid and cigs?? Check and check… John was just cool before it was “cool”


Middle finger… I think I see some plaid on John back there…


John rocks the cargo trench coat back in the day and KStew shows up to Sundance in her Juicy Couture version. Yup, trying to fool us but we know you ain’t shoppin’ at the Army Navy, sister!


Wait… SINGING too?! John isn’t wearing a hot lady leather jumpsuit (surprise PLAID) but I feel you channeling him here. Maybe you were born in the wrong decade?

And throw this all together and we get….

Holy crow (YEA BELLA REFRENCES!) you weren’t lying, you freaking ARE John Belushi reincarnated. WHAT THE HALE?!

I'll give you another year to make this one happen (publically)

And then I started doing more research… you’ve been known to hang out at the Chateau Marmont and John stayed there in Bungelow 3, it was also where he died. One of his most famous characters is Jake Blues, and your character Bella’s BFF/Love interest is named JAKE! John also played a Conehead on SNL and you (as Bella) have a conehead on the Eclipse poster. One of John’s famous impressions was of Jack Kerouac and you’ll be in the film adaptation of “On The Road.” Another one of his famous impressions was of Julia Child, whom is characterized in the movie Julie & Julia which was playing the same night we snuck into Band Slam in the theater next door to see the New Moon trailer which YOU were in. I mean, really if that doesn’t show how you’ve practically become John Belushi, forget him just being your style icon, I  don’t know what could.

Now we know why you kinda look a tad slobby when you go out. Besides mentioning you do it on purpose in your recent Elle interview, we now know it’s because it’s what John would do. WWJW has a new meaning now, huh Kristen. “What Would John Wear?”

And if that’s the case well then, well played JohnStew… I mean Kristen… well played.

WWJW?
Themoonisdown

PS Please don’t comment and say I’m a crazy hater. She’s said it herself.

What do you think of this John Belushi style icon stuff? Any similarities I missed? Who’s YOUR style icon? Mine is Dorothy Zbornak.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

The Twilosophy of Twilight celebrities

Dear Twilight cast member lovers,

I did a lot of thinking while I was on vacation last week. I tried not to, but as I laid on the beach, relaxing to the tunes on my iPod, feeling the salty breeze flow over my body, my mind drifted. And I know you know what that means. Yes. I thought about you all. And of Twilight. On vacation. I thought specifically about the lives of these stars that Moon & I write about each and every day. And I started pondering WHY we’re so enamored with them.

A few weeks ago, Moon & I were talking about how it seems like Taylor has no friends. Sure he has Big Daddy, and WE know he’s all the friend anyone could ever need, but Taylor’s an 18 year old guy. He shouldn’t yet be in the mindset of “I have a really cool dad who always knows how to get the best table at a national food chain.” He should be watching porn with his bros & getting crap from them for letting Taylor Swift drive HIM around Hillsboro village in Nashville last week (Oh, did I forget to mention my friend’s boss saw them drive by? Oops- it’s true.) And I’m not so sure Dakota has too many friends. Sure maybe there’s that girl who lent her a pencil once in Spanish class, but most 16 year olds are constantly surrounded by an entourage of gal pals (then again, most 16 year olds haven’t made more than I’ll ever make by the time they were 5…). And while she’s the originator of the fake lesbian- the girl bff- Kristen Stewart has never really been seen publicly with anyone other than costars or lovers. What do Taylor, Dakota & Kristen have in common? Twilight err Oprah err all think Rob is hot err NO! Child Stars. So I got thinking about how many people want to be friends with celebrities. I hear people talk all the time about being BFFs with Kristen and how they’d love to be her friend.. people say that all the time about all sorts of celebs- Hell, I even say it.. but why?

UC & Moon

Do your friends do THIS with you!?

If you know me at all in real life, you’ve probably heard about the friends I love dearly. Pardon me while I brag, but I have incredible friends. My friends run their own companies. They make me laugh- like could be on a comedy tour kind of laugh. They are artists, musicians and creators. They are extremely educated and smart, and yet half the time instead of talking to them I choose to blog about celebrities? Why? Sure Kristen uses big words from time to time and has an allure about her that might be mysterious and interesting to some, but I don’t think she’s ANY more interesting than any of the incredible people in my life. And Ashley has a smokin’ bod & a bitchface to rival Kstew’s, but give any of my friends a trainer, stylist & hair extensions and they’d be competing for the same modeling gigs she is.

What are we so interested in about celebrities? Their stories from being famous? That they are world-traveled? That they have money? That they “know” people? But who cares about the people they “know?” I just explained above the people I know. Give my friend Scott the level of celebrity that Rob has and he’d be much more alluring and better spoken- guaranteed. My husband is just as talented as any famous musician out there- I’d say that even if I didn’t sleep with him- and I can go on and on naming my friends & their talents. The only difference between with them and celebrities is that celebrities got a break. They were a few of the lucky, talented (or beautiful and untalented or just really lucky) who got through- very few do.

Come see my many talents

And it’s one thing to obsess over celebrities in general, but then we’re talking the TWILIGHT cast!? Some will argue for Kristen or Rob’s talent. Most will agree that Dakota is pretty legit, but no one seriously thinks Taylor is gonna win any sort of award except for “Kept me in business for the most time in years 2008-2009″ from Chris Hansen. Yet we talk about him over and over and over again. WHAT is it!? WHY is it!?

I know all these things, yet I still DESIRE to talk about celebs because their lives seem so much more interesting. But are they? Kristen may get to travel the world but at what cost- do those things matter if there’s no one really close to share it with? Did Rob ENJOY Budapest while being there? He might as well have been in Jersey, shooting in some old warehouse in Camden. And while going out to the Olive Garden with dad is cool the first couple of times, eventually….. that’s just a little sad….

I kind of feel bad for the Twi celebs- especially those who were sort of brought up in the world of the rich & famous- it’s one thing to not be able to go grab a burger in LA without getting photographed, but to have few close relationships? That makes me kinda sad….. Until I remember how much richer than are than me…. Never mind…

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What do you think? Do you ever wonder why we’re so obsessed with celebrity culture? And specifically the celebs of Twilight? Do you agree that Tay, Dakota & Kristen seem to be semi-friendless? Wanna write them REAL letters & see if they wanna be pen pals?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

News Dump: All the Twilight News fit to print, Monkey smell, Bree’s back and bitchface

Turn off your smell-o-vision

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s time again… tons of tid bits of interesting info but not enough time to write letters about it all. That means it’s time for a news dump. We’ll let you know what we think about the news and you decide from there if you care that much about 100 Monkeys or how Tyler Houseman’s promo shoot turned out.

  • If these pictures had a scratch-n-sniff function this post about Jackson and 100 Monkeys playing at Bamboozle would smell like BO, ear hair, vomit, a melted Slurpee, an ash tray full of wet cigarettes, a used sweat towel from Jr High gym class, and melted Depp hair gel. Yup, EXACTLY what it would smell like.
  • Bill Condon is announced as the director for Breaking Dawn. No word on whether it will be one or two movies or 3D or not lame but he writes fans a letter and does get a few things right, he addresses us all as twihards, Twilight fans and Twilight Moms. *RECORD SCRATCH* ummm… BILL? We’re gonna need to talk about this later
  • David Slade got into the #goo stuff Monday night and tweeted till he got the munchies and left. IN THE FUTURE disable all communication devices before lighting up. Just ask La Stew.

Wait, she wrote a book about ME?!!

  • Probably one of the causes of Slade’s online hissy fit, Lainey Gossip posted lots and lots of gossip and speculation about what REALLY went on behind the scenes of the Eclipse reshoots or as officials are calling them “pick ups.” Personally, I’d like to think the cause of all the hub-bub is actually because of the helicopters Punk’d Images hired to get these grainy ass photos of Bella and Jacob out on a dock somewhere… speaking of wasn’t I just talking about Vancouver and docks?
  • The New York City paparazzi show us that they’re big fans off LTT by yelling the most amazing comment ever at Kristen while on the Met Gala red carpet… witness and then crazy Krisbians you can yell at me in the comments


We’ll leave it up to you to decide whether that’s a curtain or a table cloth around the bottom of her dress

Biiiiiitch please, I gotta tattoo

  • Promo shots for Eclipse are starting to circulate around the nets of The Cullens, The Holy Trinity and The Wolfpack. For what it’s worthy Leah has the best bitchface and rack hands down.
  • Robert Pattinson still loves to choke a bitch out. And wear incredibly tight, ball hugging, high waisted pants. We love it. We don’t.

Yup, that’s the news… I’m still thinking about Bree and being called a Twi-hard by Bill Condon…

IN THE FUTURE the news will be beamed to our brains. THE FUTURE IS NOW!
Themoonisdown

So what do you think about Leah’s bitchface? Amazing, right? And her hot ass tatt. Has anyone gone to a recent 100 Monkeys concert? Did I get the smell right? It’s been quite a while for me.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

Kristen Stewart it’s your 20th Birthday! Let’s take a look back!

Happy Happy Birthday!

Dear Kristen,

You’re finally out of those teen years and into what I refer to as the “old years” everything after teens just doesn’t really matter so much as you’ll find out. But alas you’re only 20 and you’re in that weird year that isn’t teen and isn’t fully adult. But it’s been a big year for you. Leaving behind your teens and entering adulthood has been pretty tumultuous to say the least. To celebrate let’s take a look back and see what all 19 had to offer…

After outting you and Nikki Reed as fake lesbians one of our friends Kim made this amazing video to celebrate your love and we laughed till we cried.

And as quickly as your love blossomed with NReed your love for that Italian spice Oregano ended.  In a last ditch effort to salvage the relationship and and Micheal Aranago embark on a not staged at all paparazzi documented piggy back romp through the streets of Vancouver. Goodbye Stewgano, we barely knew ye.

While Rob was off in Cannes he runs into your old Into the Wild costar Emile Hirsch and UC and I roleplay what that conversation must have been like. We also come up with our own safeword for future role playing. We also have amazing fun real lives outside of this blog, I SWEAR!

Obviously out of my mind I plead with you to bone Robert Pattinson while you’re filming New Moon in Italy. You probably took my advice. Or you didn’t and played some softball with the locals.

What else happened last year? Let’s remember and wish KStew a happy happy 20th after the cut!
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Breaking it down: Eclipse Sneak peek, threesomes, S&M workouts and Chippendales

Dear Eclipse Sneak Peek,

You’re just TOO good, too full of lol’s and wtf’s for us to let you pass by without breaking it down. All 5+ minutes. Yup, we’re breaking down the Eclipse sneak peek and away we go…

Moon: ok  here it is!

UC: let’s mother effing DO THIS
Moon: Wait, DUDE the little chocolatiers promo AGAIN!i love it.ok, I’m ready
UC: DAMN RILEY IS HOT
Moon: dude im so glad they got someone on etsy to make the clacker thingy that marks in the time for a scene
UC: aww david slade- so small, gay… short..
Moon: ps same cinematopgrapher as NM just saw that. so there will be SOME sort of continuity


UC: KELLAN HAS MAN BOOBS, I stopped it ON HIS BIG ASS BOOBS that are bigger than mine
Moon: THERES SO MUCH What, where are the boobs!?
UC: Haha he stands up like 29/30 major boobage
Moon: why is kellan wearing an off the shoulder top?
UC: I HAVE THAT SHIRT
Moon: like he took his sweatshirt and cut off the neckband
UC: he was at an 80s party earlier that day
Moon: he should be jazzercising or getting “physical” with Olivia Newton John and not kicking nomad vampire ass
UC: he needs a bra
Moon: you think he does that exercise from Judy Blume novels? “i must i must i must increase my bust” at night since like vampires dont sleep and he has nothing else to do
UC: yes, and it works but not for me. He has a perfect woman. with a big bust herself and he’s jealous she’s not always there… for him to caress the chest so … he grew his own
Moon: hahaha he can feel himself up
c

wait, Victoria's after BELLA?!

Moon: i just want to hear xaviers voice again. he better have a big part in the press for this
UC: um i think he will. look at his face it’s hot
UC: okay… this is seriously beating a dead horse…poor horse…but can we once and for all get it out of our system and LAMENT over Kristen’s awful wig?
Moon: HAHAHA and bryce’s while we’re at it. I feel bad she had to do an interview wearing it
Moon: at 38 she and david slade are having the most intense staring contest. i bet she won
UC: i THINK that Taylor just found out WHY victoria is upset he’s like…. “Bella is the reason that victoria is mad. SHe basically KILLED james” he had like a lightbulb go off in this interview..
Moon: he’s like DUDE thats why??!! and he turns around to ask kristen off camera and shes like DUH, haven’t you read this crap yet? So they cut to her and Kristen’s has to explain it
UC: nope- he’s too busy with his ka-rah-tay to have actually read the books
c
Follow the cut for threesomes, Rob running on the hampster wheel and the REAL story behind Eclipse
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