The Super Bowl? What’s that? Time for some shirtless Twilight guys

Dear LTT-ers,

While the dudes in your life are watching some ritualistic sporting event that’s really about the commercials and the food, that some folks call the Super Bowl, what are we supposed to be doing? I don’t even  know the teams that are playing and I could care even less who wins. So what’s there left to do for the rest of us who could give a crap about competitive sports? Yup, that’s right the Celebrity Beach Bowl. Now I know you’re gonna say, Moon that’s a sporting event too, why should I care? I’ll tell you why! You should make your boyfriend/husband/dad/best friend/whoever turn to the Celebrity Beach Bowl because KELLAN LUTZ AND TAYLOR LAUTNER will be competing. Yup, that’s right. We’re talking two hot men in something called a BEACH bowl. So that can only mean shirts vs. skins BEACH football. The chance for shirtless gazing is high. The chance for then frolicking through the surf while they go long for a pass is very high. The chance for drool, yup, even higher! So what should you do tomorrow when the guys turn the channel to watch the “Lingerie Bowl” (yup, there is one) host your very own Celebrity Beach Bowl party in your bedroom/craft room/playroom/den/bathroom/laundry room with all the ladies who were dragged along. Crack open some wine and hand out the fans cause it’s gonna be hot…

Here’s a little preview of what I imagine this event to be like…

vs

FULL CONTACT!

Want a video version?


(Can we all please laugh at the amazing song choice for this video? Better than the porno tune Rolling Stone had)

When you return from your own private ladies only bowl party and the guys ask why everyone’s panting and flushed, just tell them to watch out for the salsa, cause it’s HOT. Muy caliente. Ay, papi.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday. Enjoy the wings!
Themoonisdown

Need more info, better get your DVR ready!

What will you be doing tomorrow? Watching Taylor and Kellan at a Super Bowl party? Eating a lot of chips and salsa in the kitchen? Have you seen that Rob picture from Details? WOAH.

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

Kellan Lutz shows us his Calvins and I have questions…

Dear Kellan,

Dear, dear Kellan. Deaaaarrrr DEAR deeeeaaarrr Kellan. So the pictures from your Calvin Klein panties ad have finally come out and I have a few questions…


Out of the hundreds of photos you undoubtedly took, why does the image they chose for the ad have you covering up your face? Are you embarrassed? Are you just a piece of meat for them to sell their man undies with? Are you just another crotch to them?


Upon closer inspection (ahem) why do the crotch of these drawers look like a big bulls eye? Like her’s the target ladies, good luck aiming correctly!


Did you have to tell the gay assistant guy who was spritzing you: “Hey, eyes up here Javier!?” Cause if I’m honest it’s hard to look anywhere else. Also, where can I apply for the spritzing job? I have my own spritz bottle and baby oil. FYI.


Is that a gym sock or a hand towel? WHAT?! You know it’s common knowledge that underwear models stuff their goodies down below. Don’t act all surprised. The weird thing is it’s looks different in ever picture. What’s going on with that? Did you see a picture of Rick Warren between shots?


If X marks the spot Kellan, than this one is a little high, dontcha think?

Ok, ok so we’re giving you a hard time. This takes a lot of guts and some cajones to model Manties (man panties) and we’re not complaining. AT.ALL. I mean I may even make a run through the men’s underwear dept at Nordstrom just to see this picture in real life. Ok, maybe I won’t but feel free to come model these at my place anytime.

X is where it’s at
Themoonisdown

Images from Socialite Life

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

What the Twilight cast does when there’s no Twilight to do

Dear LTTers,

With Kristen Stewart at Sundance finding herself a new fake lesbian life partner and Rob growing a beard and packing on the pounds before he starts filming Bel Ami, the rest of the Twilight cast is heaving a sigh of relief thinking their off LTT’s radar at the present moment.

Not so fast

Today we’re going to explore what the cast members of Twilight are doing with their time off. We’re going to provide you with all the information you’ve never wanted to know about where people like Justin Chon and Michael Welch spend their days when they’re not Twilight promo-ing it up.

What fake tan?

Where’s our favorite naked girl been, Ashley Greene? Not to be outdone by Kristen Stewart into “Welcome to the Rileys,” is she currently walking Santa Monica Ave looking for some real life prostitution experience? Has she been stripping at Jumbos Clown Room but donating her earnings to a Haitian relief fund? I don’t know. Maybe. Why don’t we hop on over to WhereIsAshleyGreene
GonnaBeNakedNext.com to find out. Oh look! Her latest spread (ahem) is in Savvy Magazine which a magazine no one has heard of. Well, their 300 twitter followers have heard of them.

Will she be showing up to the Grammys on Sunday with one Mr. Jared Followhill of Kings of Leon (her New Moon premiere date)? Did she pay off the 16 year old cleaning the booths at the Hollywood Tan with naked pictures of Rob (stolen from Nikki Reed’s private collection) in order to stay under the bulbs for 45 minutes longer than the legal limit?

Ashley wears short jorts

Is she starring in a remake of that famous 80’s Nair commercial “Who wears short shots” with the new improved lyrics: “Who wears short jorts. Nail wears short jorts?”

I think so.

What about Anna Kendrick? Oh yeah, she’s been winning the hearts of Hollywood and being nominated left and right for “Best Supporting Actress”. She’s also been busy practicing the look on her face for when she loses every award she’s up for to Mo’nique. She calls it her “frownsmile.” She’ll look sad enough to show she wanted to win badly, but happy enough to prove she’s a gracious loser.

Also she’s been talking about George Clooney and Rob Pattinson EVERYWHERE. And let’s be honest, that’s not a bad gig


What else is new in Twi (kinda) land? Find out after the jump! Continue reading

What’s taking Breaking Dawn so long?

Breaking Dawn logoDear Eclipse,

We’re almost at 5 months to the DAY of when Eclipse will be released and we’ve seen nothing but a wide angle picture of a meadow scene. More than 6 months before New Moon came out we had a trailer. Then soon after we had ABS! And JORTS! I’m kinda losing my patience here. What will be the catch phrases of Eclipse? Will we be treated to another 122 minutes off cut off blue denim’s finest? Or will you raise the fashion bar a bit and give us cut off black sweatpants, like Stephenie Meyers originally wrote? All I know is that I should be focused on you and your impending release in 154 days (see, I shouldn’t have had to look that up- I should have KNOWN that number off the top of my head) but I’m not. I’m barely even worried because we have bigger issues to be occupying our minds: Breaking Dawn

Dear Breaking Dawn,

What.The.Freak? I mean, I get waiting until the new year to make some sort of announcement. New Moon’s release was crazy- the numbers were outstanding- then the holidays and hit and Avatar made New Moon’s earnings look like pocket change- but all that is in the past. IT’S JANUARY TWENTY FIFTH. What the H is going on? All we know is what Moon shared with us a few weeks back. Which, to recap, was nothing. It’s all so blurry in my mind I can’t even remember- have we even had CONFIRMATION from you yet that you’re actually going to be made into a feature film? I know the stars are confirming it when they’re asked in interviews, but come on- who believes them? They think everyone lives in a sunny place where catering trucks sell sushi that won’t immediately send you to the emergency room writhing with stomach pain and every day folks can spell “Louboutin” (had to look that one up too). I need the 411 stat (of COURSE this twitter account exists: @BreakingDawn411- that’s like looking for a Robsten video set to “I’ll Make Love to youObviousssss!)

You’re really forcing the wheels in my brain to turn and turn… and figure out for myself why we haven’t heard any news yet. Here is what I’ve come up with:

1. Issues with Stephenie Meyer.

Pancho: Also, babe- write me a love scene with this blonde

And I’m talking something bigger than “Should it be one or two movies?” Cuz that’s easy- flip a gosh darn coin. Problem solved. No, no. I’m thinking if there are issues with Stephenie they are critical. Maybe this time she’s not happy with just a cameo role as a patron in the diner. Maybe she heard the outcry of 40-43% of Twilight fans 10 months ago and said, “Yeah- I agree. I want to recast Bella too. Let’s cast ME” and won’t sign off on the movie until they meet her demands.

Or perhaps there’s an issue within her marriage that’s she’s trying to fix. Maybe Pancho, her husband, finally tired of his wife always being in the spotlight and the focus never being on him, woke up one morning and demanded, “Steph- why does EVERY member of our family have a character named after them, but I do not?” And she gasped, red-faced, “You’re right. I must show the world that I DO love you by re-writing the series with YOUR name as the main character.” So she’s been busy writing about Bella and Pancho. And of course that changes the location of the story, as someone named Pancho would clearly never live in Forks. Instead, Bella and Pancho meet in a heavily wooded area outside of Guadalajara. Pancho has a point. We never think about him. He’s never gotten his own letter. He’s Mexican right? (His name IS Pancho). We did a whole bit about a mexican Twilight character- Tequila Tomas. We didn’t even think of Steph’s poor hubby. Why didn’t Patrón Pancho come to mind? Poor guy….

Find out what else is holding up Breaking Dawn after the jump! Continue reading

The Twilight cast takes on awards season!

Here to provide advice to the Twilight cast members about the upcoming awards season, CalliopeBlabs

Dear Twilight Saga Cast Members,

There’s always something sad about the end of the holidays. There’s this period of mourning when the holiday decorations start to come down, the leftovers make their way into the trashcan, and you discover that last piece of glitter hiding in that unmentionable place and hope its from when you dropped the container while making ornaments for charity and not from that midnight encounter in the back of the crowded bar while you were engaged in… questionable shenanigans during the ball dropping. Yes, the end of the holidays is harsh. Sad. Depressing. I can only imagine how much this is affecting all of you… as I envision the holidays (and the time off) were especially dear to you this year. Especially you Stew, I know how you love Christmas so (#HolidayStewLivesOn).

But you see, the gods of Hollywood knew that the end of the Holiday season could prove detrimental to the well being of the faces of their industry. This is why, they invented… drum roll please… AWARDS SEASON. What better way to get the fabulous hunks of Hollywood to hop into a tanning booth to shed themselves of the pallid tone they’d acquired while secluded in the mountain ski resorts across the world. How else to insure that the starlets would do everything in their power to shed the ghastly 1 pound they put on while actually EATING over the holidays? Why… COMPETITION of course! NUMEROUS, LIVE, OVERLY DOCUMENTED, COMPETITIONS!!! And the competition isn’t even what makes awards season fabulous… no, no… it’s the horrible fashion faux pas, The embarrassing speeches, The scandalous dates, The hopeful catfights, The after party gossip,… all these things whose mere mention make me more excited than a teen wolf who imprints on someone his own age!

Now, though New Moon may not have been the most critically acclaimed movie this past year, it sure as hell did put a good dent in the Box office numbers for 2009… and that alone should allow you, dear TSCMs (aka Twilight Saga cast members… I’m in the mood for acronyms today), some good leeway in earning your way into the swag-bag pre-parties, The sizzling, boozefest afterparties, and, of course, the events themselves. Between the PCAs, CCAs, GGs, SAGs, BAFTAs, Grammys and of course the Oscars… there are a lot of Hollywood bigwig asses to be kissed there is a lot to know! I won’t bore you with my winner predictions or tease you with who I think will be best dressed on this year’s carpets (hint: it’s not you Ashley Greene) instead, I’d like to present you with a guide of sorts to all things awards… so that you understand where to go, what to wear , and who to bang who to approach to further your career.

Kristen voted "Bobby Long" 1,200 times

The PCAs (The People’s Choice Awards)

Aka the ones where you only the winners have to show up

These awards, dear TSCMs, are voted on by the people… you know… people like me. Or you. That’s right. I’m calling you out ROB and KRISTEN. I know what you’re thinking readers… “Rob and Kristen didn’t win”… and nope… they sure didn’t. And you know why? Because since they’d wrapped promotion on New Moon, those two had been sitting around, feeding each other In-N-Out, sipping Heinekens, and voting for other people. And you thought the only thing they knew how to do sneakily was each other… HAH! Know why the whole BritPack was on Isle of Wright for New Years? It wasn’t because they wanted company… no, no… it was because Rob and Kristen, in a last ditch effort, had practically set up a command central where everyone focused on voting for other people in their categories. This is how serious they were about NOT showing up to another awards show. I fear for MTVMAs… I do.

The CCAs (The Critic’s Choice Awards)

Aka the ones you most definitely should stay clear of

Dakota- showing the newbies how it's done

For some reason or another, the Critics HATE you guys. Well… most of you. Stewie, Sheen and Fanning… you guys would sorta be in the clear to go to this… as long as you do not mention the Saga AT ALL. Like, when a reporter asks if you are excited about Eclipse you simply look at them, dumbfounded, and say “you must have me mistaken with someone else… I’m Listen Hewart” and then run off. Like RUN. And Rob, for the love of the hot pocket, you are NOT to go near this event. In fact, I think you’d be well advised to bunker down in the UK for a good 2 days pre and post event just to be safe. They would spot you coming and literally EAT YOU ALIVE. Furthermore, it’s on VH1… if that doesn’t scream waste of your time… I don’t know what does.

Calliope REALLY educates the cast after the jump! Continue reading

We interupt this Kellan post…

We interrupt this Saturday morning LTT post to bring you this important Public Service Announcement (letter)

Dear Robsten,

We stopped caring months ago. But thanks for trying…


(i love how cute this little girl is!)

Rob and Kristen seen on the Isle of Wright and snapped with this super cute girl. Little paparazzo in training.

Now follow the cut to see our real Saturday post

Continue reading

The Twilight saga: Cast New Year’s Resolutions

Dear people ready to celebrate a new year,

Do you do the New Year’s resolution thing? I usually do. Last year I resolved to drink only 2 diet cokes per week. I did pretty well. Well, except for April-October when I had a relapse and was drinking at least one per day. But now I’m back to my commitment to lay off the DC, and I usually only drink it if it’s available in a soda fountain. I’m still pondering my resolutions for 2010, but you can bet your bottom dollar meeting Big Daddy Lautner is on top of the list.

I got a chance to *talk* with a bunch of the cast/characters from the Twilight saga and I asked them what everyone is dying to know: What are your 2010 New Year’s Resolutions?

Michael Welch- I’m going to lay off the chips and try to lose that thing where it looks like I stuffed marshmallows in my cheeks. “Team Marshmallow” is cool and all, but I’m going for more of a Rob Pattinson-type chiseled face look in 2010.

Justin Chon- I plan to take Mike up on his offer for the  ‘bring a friend for free” coupon at the Tantopia

Buttcrack Santa- In 2010 I’m going to be looking for a girl a little bit older than my usual to share those little bottles with. Maybe someone 14 instead of 12. I’m also going to try to reinvent myself and show a little less crack. I like the ring of “”Armpit Hair Santa,” and I might try to bring the white-mesh wife beater back in style

Ashley Greene- Well, 2009 was successful with my naked picture scandal, so my 2010 resolution is to kick it up a notch with a sex tape leak. In part 2 of my resolution I hope that the scandal involves a B-list celebrity this time rather than some of the D & C-listers I’ve been known to f*ck

Kristen Stewart- This year I plan to have much better hair. I’d also like to prove all those critics who talk me up right by starring in a great movie that gets me a legitimate award nomination like that other Twilight actress…. what’s her name again?

Anna Kendrick-Anna Kendrick wasn’t available for comment as she’s busy being a real actress, but we caught up with her manager who told us:
In 2010 Anna plans to continue her reign as the only actor to come out of the Twilight saga worth her paycheck as an actress. She might possibly say “no” to filming Breaking Dawn and instead star in next year’s Oscar Best Picture winner. Rob Pattinson can sit behind her next year!

See the rest after the jump! Continue reading

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