Today is my 4 year wedding anniversary with Mr. Choice. This combined with my mention last week of not being done with New Moon quite yet really puts me in the mood to share with you an experience I had a week or so ago:
Mr. Choice said to me, on a Sunday afternoon, “I’d like to watch New Moon with you.” After I looked around for the “Pun’k” cameras and checked to feel if I still had a pulse, I asked him what I had to do in return. Apparently nothing (Well, there was a 30 second conversation about me needing to be in the “buff” in order for him to watch it, but I promised to make him popcorn instead. After 4 years of marriage I’ve learned what compromise means. And that sometimes food wins over sex) Watching New Moon with Mr. Choice was interesting. And embarrassing. And really kind of fun!
Here are his thoughts:
He did not know who the old woman was in the first scene despite Bella calling her “Gram” a few times
When Edward appeared in the field- he gasped. And Laughed. Then asked if I had a lady boner (I did)
Mr. Choice is a musician- a very talented one- and dreams of one day writing the score for a Twilight film. Before last night he had never heard the score to New Moon. Every night as I’m falling asleep I hear this song coming from his studio- it sounds JUST like the main theme from New Moon. I told him I thought that awhile back and he said he wrote the song in high school. Tonight, he said, “Desplat stole this shit from me. I have the original score in a box at my parents house.” He was pretty pissed the rest of the film…..Someone owes the Choice family a bunch of money…
When Jacob first appears outside of the school, he stops it and rewinds yelling IS THAT A MULLET!? Then we had to watch it in slow mo while I took this screen shot:
After Alice gives Bella her bday present and Jasper wishes her a happy birthday (well, he starts to wish her a happy birthday and then says “Nevermind…”) we had this conversation:
Mr. Choice: Why is he mean?
UC: He just controlled her mind right there. And then afterwards he noticed/felt how mad she was. So he decided not to follow through with his birthday wish. Plus he has a really bad wig. So he doesn’t know how else to act
During the famous line “You’re my only reason to stay alive (awkward pause) if that’s what I am (awkward Pause),” Mr. Choice yelled, “HE IS NOT GOOD!”
When the blood fell to the floor I heard the biggest, fakest GASP of his life. And then utter laughter when Edward goes after Jasper & pushes Bella out of the way. And then lastly, there was some true concern for the piano.
During the birthday kiss by the truck- the one we’ve talked about many times (aka the one I heard in the theater when the screen went black)
Mr. Choice yells, “DID HE JUST ROCK IT!?” I laughed and said, “I told you about how it sounds like they’re having sex when you close your eyes.” And he said- “NO. LOOK.” Then rewound it (it took us like 5 hours to watch the movie with all the rewinding), and put it on slow mo. He’s right. Something happened. Maybe the gaffer took the mic from below and gave Rob the ultimate tickle or something, but he definitely, using Mr. Choice’s choice of words, “ROCKED IT”
Tragedy occurs, Mr. Choice adds lines & we find out how to make an Edward fort after the jump!
And then TRAGEDY struck because Mr. Choice did NOT laugh at the “Famous Ladies Man” line. I rewound it, asked why he didn’t laugh and he said, “That’s not funny.”
But he did laugh at Edward’s apparitions. All of them. Every time. Multiple times.
And he laughed when Jake took off his shirt. After which he announced, “I think Jacob is a better actor than Paddleston”
Mr. Choice: “Who is that new Indian? The one from Dances with Wolves?”
UC: No. That’s Harry of “Harry’s Fish Fry” (Clearly I crack myself up)
Mr. Choice: (During the scene in the rain) “Oh look! Jacob got a hair cut… That’s where he’s been for the past 2 weeks”
Then halfway through the movie he asks, after finally hearing it enough to realize it’s important,
Mr. Choice: Who the hell is Alice? And why won’t she write Bella back? (I explain) “Don’t you think she’d stop writing after awhile?”
Then when Jacob jumps in window in Bella’s room with his famous line, “Hey,” Mr. Choice adds:
Mr. Choice: “Hey. Stop writing Edward’s sister. It’s creepy”
In the water, when Bella hits her head- he burst into laughter saying, “It’s hard to take some of this seriously. Some of it is SO bad” Then he proceeded to prove to me (by going slow-mo, yet again) how Edward looks like a cardboard cut out Edward while floating in the water. And said, “Hello, it’s me Edward- in cardboard form”
His additions to the dialogue were quite amusing. In fact, Mel Mel Rosenberg might want to call him up (after Summit gets Desplat to apologize for stealing his music 101 composition performance piece from 1997) and get some tips for Breaking Dawn:
When Alice first appears in Bella’s house he imagines she’s there to say, “Bitch, quite writing me!”
After the scene with Jacob in the kitchen, Mr. Choice says what we all think about movie Bella (and some think about book Bella), “What a bitch! That dude just saved your life like NINE times and you’re not even hot enough for saving once!”
Then when Jacob utters our favorite, “Quil-clout-lay” he asked, “Is that “I love you” in werewolf?”
During the DILFs infamous worst mistake known as the “Anne of Green Gables future scene,” Mr. Choice said “I like their khakis.” He has no idea that Stephenie actually wrote about khaki’s in the books.
When Emmet says “Hell yeah” to Bella’s request to become one of them, he muttered “Dushe bag” under his breath. I’m pretty sure his youth pastor wouldn’t approve of that language!
Overall Mr. Choice thought:
“It wasn’t bad. And it could have been good. I’m sorry- I know you love Chris Weitz and I know I’m not a director, but they had a lot of money for this film. The Cardboard Apparition Edward? The Wolves were good- Edward’s appearance did not need to be cheesy. He was cartoonish. He was like the Cheshire Cat appearing in Alice & Wonderland. Except he wasn’t a cat. He was a human. Or a vampire. Chris’ directing was NOT that much better than Catherine Hardwicke’s (UC: THE HORROR! BUT THERE WERE LESS ULTIMATE COUGARITAS INVOLVED!) The Khaki scene? That was unnecessary. There were many unnecessary scenes. 65% of it was good. But there was redundancy. If I had to hear Bella self-depreciate one more time or Edward tell her she’s his whole life, I was going to scream. The movie- the saga doesn’t have to be bad. It’s a good story. It shouldn’t be bad.
Mr. Choice: I’m definitely Team Jacob
UC: You wouldn’t be if you read the books. Or were a girl
Mr. Choice: But those were NOT his abs!
That’s true my love of 4 years, that is true. But THAT’S not why we love Edward. We love Edward for his skills in biting pillows & tearing headboards…. something you won’t understand…. well, not until you ask me to watch Breaking Dawn with you. And ya know what? I just may get naked for that viewing…….
Ever need a clip from a random spot in one of the Twi films? Without fail LionandLambLove has it! Thanks guys!
Random thought for the day. You know our friend Janetrigs who we pretend to hate really, really hate? Well, she hates a lot of things- including diabetes. She and her friend are involved in a walk for an organization Kristen actually came out to support last year- JDRF. Here’s a little message from Jane Trigs:
Even though Moon & UC hate @janetrigs they LOVE her HATE of diabetes. Please give to Janetrigs, Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation Fundraising Walk.
-Give to JDRF because you hate @janetrigs, but appreciate her HATE of Diabetes
-OR Give to JDRF because you hate @janetrigs and want @Laurastarra to raise more $$ than @janetrigs OR
-Give to JDRF because Kristen told you to
-OR Give to JDRF because Ron told you to.
The JDRF Walk is this Sunday, June 6th and after Saturday, we promise to stop hounding you to give $$ to sick kids.
Janetrigs walk Fundraising Link http://bit.ly/ai7Zso
Laurastarra walk Fundraising Link http://bit.ly/ciJVjU
Filed under: New Moon movie, Stuff guys say about Twilight, Stuff my guy says about Twilight, Twilight Tagged: | bella swan, edward cullen, Guys and Twilight, jacob black, New Moon, New Moon movie, stuff guys say about twilight, Watching New Moon with guys