Kristen Stewart in Elle UK- some thoughts

Psst- read this article before you read today’s letter or else you’ll be confused

Dear Kristen,

First I want to congratulate you on your gorgeous pics in Elle UK. They make me wish I was a guy so we could get it on or wish you liked girls & I liked girls so we could be something special- – wait… no they don’t… That’s weird. Just stating for the record that I’m a straight girl who in no way wants to see your “cooter.” However, I would like to borrow your sweater.

Moving on, there are a few things from the article accompanying the pictures that I’d like to discuss:

We get it

You don’t have to keep reiterating it. We got it the first thousand times you said it. You care. You give a sh*t. You care so much that it literally makes you want to give your sh*t to people. Got it. You never have to say it again. We won’t forget. Promise.

Your Driving
It sounds kinda f*cking crazy (oh ps, I’m gonna talk hardcore all letter-long. You inspired me) You speed, you “simultaneously light a cigarette and overtake a truck.” You answer your phone while driving (illegal in CA, by the way) and your foot was “still heavy on the accelerator pedal.” SLOW DOWN! We can’t have Breaking Dawn without Bella now can we? What would Isle Esme be like? Edward… by himself…. just him on an island.. bathing…. swimming…. naked…alone…. Oh wait…that might not be so bad

Your Dirtiness
The interviewer describes you as “In a slightly grotty hoodie, skinny jeans and a pair of old sneakers, greasy hair flopping around…” and says you “bite on a hangnail with her teeth” (What ELSE would she bite with , interview lady?) Plus there are vivid pictures painted of you smoking a ‘fag’ (that’s the only word I could come up with dirty enough for cigarette) and holding your broken blackberry case (they sell rubber ones at 5 & below, FYI) with the battery exposed.

To be honest, I’m concerned with your safety AND health. You’re not showering regularly, you’re speeding, you’re smoking and you leave an exposed battery close to your face? Who’s taking care of you? Cause we certainly know it isn’t Robert Pattinson.

The question you WON’T answer

“What I say is, then why would I want anything that’s private to become entertainment for other people?”

Too F*cking late hunny. You’ve been entertaining people since the moment they saw the bedroom kiss scene in Twilight. And then when Catherine Hardwicke confirmed that there was “chemistry” and kinda did a pelvic thrust in the air so that we’d catch her drift (Cathy- we ALWAYS catch your drift) it just got worse.  But I’m here to tell you that this is what would change in my life if you admitted you and Rob were together:

Nothing

I would continue to lust after your boyfriend on my blog LTR. I would continue to talk about how you make love on a bear skin rug in front of a fire because it’s one of my very favorite topics of conversation. I would continue to make manips of your future children & your future grandchildren- with Rob with sexy grandpa hair. I’d create a future family portrait and show it hanging on a flannel wallpapered wall. (I would actually never do that, but I’d be happy to continue FINDING the many manips that exist like this and tweet them out every Friday night after a few G&Ts) I would continue to think people obsessed with your love or obsessed with hating your love is weird. And I would continue to use their weirdness as MY entertainment. That’s it.

The ‘entertainment’ of Robsten IS in the guessing. So stop entertaining and just mother f*cking admit it (F*ck- I added that for emphasis because I’ve been inspired to be hard core today, as you remember)

(I would like to take this moment in time to point out you said this about those obsessed with your relationship:

“They pick up every little scrap, and that’s much worse”

and remind those that “pick up every scrap” that she’s talking to you. And doesn’t like it.)

Coothers
While I’m not sure WHY you were discussing names for female anatomy, I AM sure that I haven’t heard the word “Cooter” since my 12 year old chubby cousin called me that after digging up worms in our grandma’s yard. And for the record, MY favorite word for that is “box” (pick your fav here- and pay special attention to the LAST one listed)

The other stuff

  • Your love for cats- marry me. We can be old crazy fake lesbian cat ladies together. Jella & (my cat) Jonas could get married and have little kitties with “J” names too
  • The 3rd album you were talking about- I have a good guess. Don’t count on it.
  • Li-Lo comment: that was nice. Almost too nice because she is somewhat at fault…

Then there’s the lobster shack: Number 1, Moon can we go there when I visit? It sounds yummy (and I wanna take pictures of the Krisbians lined up for days on end hoping she comes back) and Number 2 this (reason why you wouldn’t order your own damn food)

“It’s an interaction thing. It would be fine if people talked shit about me at their own table, but sometimes you’re just not in the right state of dress to talk to people, and they’re like, “Oh she IS a crack whore, just like Perez says.”

First, SERIOUSLY K? Why are you reading Perez!? If you want to see yourself with jizz drawn on your face, I can send you my personal collection! Don’t sweat what Perez says. NO ONE takes that shit seriously. Secondly, come on… if someone- ANYONE walks into a place where I consume food “In a slightly grotty hoodie, skinny jeans and a pair of old sneakers, greasy hair flopping around…” “biting on a hangnail with her teeth” smoking a fag, I’m probably gonna talk about it. And tweet it. And blog about it- even if she isn’t famous. Can you blame them? Good choice on the ahi-tuna burger though. Damn I’m hungry

The picture
It was cute of you to share a secret moment with the interviewer. I didn’t know Taylor Lautner liked cats too! We should have a kitty party! Just as long as you promise not to mention the word “cooter.” I’m pretty sure that would make Taylor cry!

Your interview reminded me how young you are- you say “kids my age” and I remember, “oh yeah.. she is still a kid.” You’re JUST getting into The Smiths and Camera Obscura? [Moon says not to underestimate the kids in the suburbs- she knew who Joan Jett was well before your age. Sadly, I did not. I listened to Avalon. Adonai is where it’s at] And then..… Interpol? And you described who Broken Bells were!? I mean… seriously- love them all and they’re great, but I haven’t heard anyone mention Interpol as a “new band they’re into” since 2004. And while I appreciate knowing you’re listening to good stuff & not Miley & Beiber, just STOP talking about! it!! Don’t you know that all the Twi-hards are going to force the ticket prices up to the shows I want to go!? And I’m sure you’re listening to The Smith’s on vinyl (if not, start now) but NEVER EVER admit to it. I will hold you responsible if I can’t ever find their records any more at my favorite stores. K, I feel like you need an older influence in your life. Someone to borrow clothes from before an interview, help you quit smoking, buy some duc tape for that broken BlackBerry (or just upgrade you to an iPhone) and introduce you to bands while reminding you to never mention their names in interviews. Oh and to borrow that sweater. Which I assume you stole from the photoshoot? Because you know a guy who taught you that’s what you’re supposed to do…right?

“Let’s get out of the this country,”
UnintendedChoice

What did you think of the Elle interview? Do you wanna go fake lesbian for Kristen’s pictures? Think we’re supposed to assume it’s “you know who” in the picture with the cat on her iPod? WHO PUTS PICTURES ON THEIR iPOD!?

Read the whole interview & see scans of the pictures on TwiCrack

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

About these ads

316 Responses

  1. I always think she’s lovely, but these pictures are really great! I almost wanted to be fake lesbian, but then I read this:

    Edward… by himself…. just him on an island.. bathing…. swimming…. naked…alone…. Oh wait…that might not be so bad.

    Then I forgot I was reading about KStew.

    • lol

    • WORD

    • Ang, how are you?

  2. Great sense of humor, graet piece. What I love about Stewart is her pure honesty. She could have prep herself before the interview, any interview and pretand to be a princess. But no , she comes raw, in her down version, just on purpose. You have to admitt that she is one of the kind. There is nobody out there that resembles her in conduct or looks.
    Beatnik. No wonder that Pattison likes her. I would give her a hug and keep as a close friend myself.
    The art of being private. That honesty in her eyes, that almost suicidal exposure of all her faults!
    I admire her more and more, and I am , well, over 40!

    • Are u also a dude!? Or just paying homage to yorkie? !!!!

      • Unicorns around here are a special occasion worth celebrating!

        (or just making fun of)

        • making fun of… :’(

      • OMG! My kindred spirit unicorn?

    • Yeah…..I don’t want to be her friend.

  3. I would definitely fake lez for her.

    As much as I liked it, parts of this interview seemed.. kind of made up. They also got Edward’s age wrong, anyone else notice that? He’s so not 104.

    The whole thing about her not going to get her own food.. I understand, but I still think it’s dumb.

    Anyway, I agree with you UC. She needs to stop repeating herself. And she needs to stop talking about her music! Interpol new? Really? I think not.

    All that said, I still loved it :)

  4. UC -

    Please explain more the comment about the third album? I missed something.

    Kristen has a recording career like Jennifer love Hewitt, Li-LO, Brandy and that chic from iCarly?

    YOu can put photos on your ipod? Im such a techtard – maybe THATS where I can store all my photos of the HHH.

    • Seems like that’s where she stores hers!

    • i can’t explain. it was my little secret message to kristen, since i’m positive she comes over here every day, hoping for approval from big sis UC & Moon

      and apparently you can put pics on your iPod…didn’t know that!

      • Thanks a lot, UC. Now I’m all over that. You could’ve at least put it in DS code, I’m somewhat closer to cracking that.

    • Some iPods do pics. Videos too. I have a Nano and it has a built in camera as well.

  5. the question she WONT answer is dumb. I agree with you UC- what would change? NOTHING. Although I do feel bad for celebs sometimes, they have no private life. But c’mon now, she knows we know, so just tell us already!

    I love that last pic of her! It’s a really awesome shot!

    • Just to add to this as well, most (if not all) magazines (that I know of, at least in Australia) publish that they have confirmed that they are an item. There is this one “quote” from Rob that says something like “We tried to hide it….but yes, we are together.” that shows up in nearly every article.

      So, absolutely nothing would change! It kinda seems like they have dug themselves into a huge hole and they just keep digging.

      • Maybe they’re just being preemptive because they don’t want everyone to get mad at them when they break up. I mean, people are still campaigning for Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling to get back together…

        • MCGOSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

          i just made a manip of the two of THEM on a bear skin rug just last night actually…
          :)

    • I saw a “behind the scenes” interview from Oprah yesterday where Taylor was talking about spooning Kristen (as Bella, of course) and Rob started saying he’s spooned her too and then stumbled over his words like he was trying to remember – wait, did that happen in a movie or was that real life? Like usual, she was just staring at him like he was crazy. Very funny.

      • *sigh* I love that interview. Rob says “I’ve spooned with her before. WHAT!” And they all start laughing.
        THen, in the end, Rob starts stuttering and Kristen’s like “What?” and Rob goes “Shut up.”

      • Um, LINK PLEASE!!!

        • Here ya go! I’m so glad I’m at home today and can be on LTT. :-)

    • I don’t feel badly for celebs and their lack of private life at all. They chose this career…they know the paps are vultures…they know they will be in the public eye (most of the time they crave it–they’re performers after all)….they know privacy goes out the door when stardom comes in it. I’m not saying it doesn’t suck for them, but come on.

      I only truly feel sorry for the kids of celebs, because they didn’t ask to be stalked. However, I’m sure the massive trustfunds make up for it a bit.

      This makes me sound like a cold bitch, but whateves.

      • yeah… the tens of millions per film kinda would make that worth it….

        • You said it, sister!

          So I am not going to feel sorry for you when you have your tens of millions all banked away for running a Twilight Blog, K?

      • I feel sorry for the kids of celebs, too.

        I’ve said this time and again. If they’d just wanted to be actors, they should have stuck to the stage. They wanted to be celebrities. No amount of “I don’t give a shit” attitude or greasy hair is going to hide that fact. They want attention. Attention = work, money, and opportunities. Also feeds the egos and insecurities.

        Nobody goes to Hollywood to act so they can remain obscure and protect their privacy.

  6. “To be honest, I’m concerned with your safety AND health. You’re not showering regularly, you’re speeding, you’re smoking and you leave an exposed battery close to your face? Who’s taking care of you? Cause we certainly know it isn’t Robert Pattinson.”

    LOL.

    No, literally, I am actually laughing. Out loud. Love it!

    • well it’s TRUE…. he’s probably the REASON she stopped showering!

      • I don’t get that cause I would so be showering with him all the time.

        • You are SO missing the point, here. The are NOT SHOWERING together…. all the time!

          • Ohhhh. Must be cause I’m a wolfgirl at heart, I try so hard though.

      • That is SO true. You can’t be the only one in the relationshp with BO. That’s NOT normal!

  7. LOL, after the mullephant…the Robophant xD

  8. “Who puts pictures on their iPod?”
    Umm, I do. Robp0rn. Lots of it.
    That’s normal, right?

    • yes. Maybe that’s the pictures K has? She DL some RobPorn that Moon, me & the girls at Rob’s flat made?

      And every night when she gets home she shows Rob the one that says “Sure, I’ll run the vacuum tonight” just to remind him to run the vacuum

  9. Okay, so, I confess, I didn’t read the article. I remain ever-ambivalent about Kristen Stewart. I’ve never been thrilled with her version of Bella, but I’ve often defend her against other criticism, because she is young and is dealing with an insane (literally) amount of fame. But, even reading the few quotes here, I have to say that 1) she sounds even younger than 20 years old, and 2) I kind of just want to give her a hug and tell her that everything is going to be okay.

    • Same. She reminds me of friends & me (ugh, dammit) at that age at uni. The older one gets the less cute it becomes and you just want to tell them to ferking (sorry, f*cking) grow up. She’s good to stretch it out for another year or two.

      • I agree…I work at a college and the developmental stage that people who are in their late teens to early twenties is basically ‘identity formation’…kstew is doing what lots of us did/do when we were 19 or 20—figure out who we are going to be in the world. That’s why I think kstew is constantly (and somewhat annoyingly) saying the same things over and over again—she is trying on the identity of the ‘rebel’—someone who doesn’t give a cr** about fame and complains about her lack of privacy, blah, blah, blah. It is another ‘role’ she is trying on—because she wasn’t always this ‘bitchface’ in earlier years/pre-Twilight.

        Meanwhile, she completely ignores the glaring fact that 1) she is unbelievably privileged and wealthy because of her fame—and she should be grateful for that when most of the world lives on less than $2 a day; and 2) as was said. none of our lives would CHANGE ONE BIT by her telling the truth. No one really cares—-or no one sane really cares. She is simply not that important in the world.

        The REAL REBEL would be working on helping the majority of the world’s people who are dying today from hunger—Kstew, that’s AUTHENTIC rebel behavior….that’s what REALLY MATTERS—not whether the paps harass you.

        And don’t EVER compare your experience to that of a rape victim—-have you ever been raped??? Well, I can assure you, it is NOTHING like having photographers take photos when you walk to your car. And I know this personally.

        So, work through this phase of your development and do something worthwhile with the wealth you are accruing from this fame.

        Sorry to be so tweed serious:), but this interview and her whole attitude are very self-absorbed…I don’t mean to be a downer today…sorry.

        • I love you :)

          • Thank you, niahid! You are a sweetie! I love you 2:)

        • I will forever wear a piece of tweed in my heart for you.

        • Downsthumb? Serious?

  10. “But I’m here to tell you that this is what would change in my life if you admitted you and Rob were together: Nothing

    YES. Seriously. Kristen, it’s not as if your answer is going to change the world. I’m tired of everyone asking too. If she ever answers it, that would be bigger news than the actual answer!

    • For real….she speaks as if every single person on the planet is hanging on whether or not Rob and her are a couple. I don’t care Kristen. I really don’t.

      Kingdoms will not crumble around her if she speaks up. Geez. How 16 of her.

  11. I had mixed feelings about her interview. She claims that no one cares more than her, but how do people show they care? By Actions… dressing like you care… sigh.

    I feel bad about the paps. I really do hope that stricter laws are passed in CA. Someone will get hurt, it is inevitable.

    Kristen – It’s sad that you can’t just gush about your relationship and be happy, but I almost feel like you set it up this way. It’s like a friend of mine and reading fan fiction. She made such a big stink about not reading it that now, even though there are some stories she’d like to read, she can’t, on principle. If you guys didn’t make suck a stink in the beginning, it would be as nutso as it is now. That’s just my humble opinion.

    The photo shoot was great though. :-)

    • hmm, you have me curious about who this fan fic friend is … ;)

      • It. Is. Not. Me.

        For the record.

        • I figured that much! LOL

          I was thinking more along the lines of Jane ….

      • me too- spill B

    • BL, I totes agree.

      Although your FF friend is just nutso. ;-)

    • You are dumb.

      • Oh, I also hate you.

        • I think we found a winner

          • i was just about to say…………

          • *cough* *cough*
            sorry, just clearing my throat.

  12. Okay here’s what I think of Kristen. Needless to say, fake lesbians or not, she’s a a gorgeous girl. And she takes fabulous pictures too. When I get my picture taken, I look like a 12 yr old boy (which kinda make sense because I laugh at the things a 12 yr old boy finds funny. But that’s beside the point.) Which is why I am in no place to say that her pictures are anything but hot.

    Secondly, she has been in this business since she was 11 so is somewhat used to all the hollywood madness. Of course, paps didn’t stalk her back when she played Jodie Foster’s daughter, but she knew what went on inside tinseltown (do I sound like a tabloid or what?)

    She’s around my age so I can firmly say that she is more mature than any other 20 yr old celeb out there *coughLilocough* She’s handling this sudden overwhelming fame thing pretty well and we should give her some credit for that. Not to mention she managed to snag the object of our affection so easily *sniff*

    However, that being said, I feel like she has split personalities when it comes to speaking in public. When she’s on tv shows, she has this sweet next-door girl type personality who doesn’t say a bad word, doesn’t curse paps and twitter and stays bright like sunshine. But when it comes to interviews, Mr.Hyde takes over and she starts bitching about the fame, the fans and their obsession. Granted, she keeps saying how much she appreciates fan support, but this “Hollywood doesn’t go into my head” thing is becoming too much to handle. Like Oprah said, girl should just be herself. That’s what us fans hope for.

    • When I say interviews, I meant magazine interviews. I feel like she opens up more during these interviews than she does when she’s on tv. But then, this is just my observation and my thoughts. Others may disagree.

      • No, I think you’re right and I think that it’s because magazine interviews are much less structured than tv interviews. On tv you sit on a couch and talk for the precise allotted amount of time. In this one they were driving around in her car?!

  13. “Upgrade to an iPhone.”

    Um…them’s fighting words right there. There’s a reason the BlackBerry is the top-selling smartphone in the US. Is all I’m sayin’.

    p.s. Of course she had to describe who Broken Bells are. As they’re a brand new collaboration (album was just released in March), and 80% of the world still doesn’t even know who The Shins are. It’s a good thing I bought my tickets 2 months ago, to see them live in 2 weeks…’cause now that performance is sold out. Must be Kristen’s fault.

    Bwahahahahahahahaha!

    • LEIGH ANNE- i put an AVALON reference in there JUST FOR YOU. And you IGNORED?

      also Broken Bells is played on Adult contemporary stations here.. UGH!

      • UC – Did you REALLY listen to Avalon? I meant to comment on that – did you also have a subcription to CCM Magazine and go to 4Him concerts?! ME TOO!! Old school CCM’ers rejoice! LOL! Muhahahahahaaaa.

        • OMS, UC….Michelle went there. Oh, but she WENT THERE.

          4Him.

          She said 4Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          I have a long-held theory that 4Him is Kellan’s favorite band. He wants to Get Back to the Basics of Life…For Future Generations…because he knows all about Where There Is Faith.

          Amen.

          • The Message. Best song ever. Loving Kellan groovin’ to some 4Him. I must admit, I’ve done a groove to them (wait a sec, is it POSSIBLE to groove to adult CCM?)

            Agreed. CCM blew from like 1985 (Ohhh but Amy Grannnnttt…) to like 1999. Not so bad anymore…love me some Kutlass. ;)

          • I just wanted to say THANKS for getting Where There is Faith stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

        • no I’m young- i had a BRIO subscription though… best.mag.ever

          and 4him. omg.. i’m partial to Phillips Craig & Dean though

          • Oh man, Phillips Craig and Dean! Nice!

            Totes read Brio myself….

            I do have to give a shout out to Point of Grace – I hated them so much, but I still get “Keep and Candle Burnin’” stuck in my head to this day!

          • the Jew (me) has no effing clue what you guys are talking about.

          • omg BRIO! I haven’t thought about that magazine in forever. Does it still exist? I’m pretty sure I wrote in to it as a teenager …

      • WORD TO YOUR MOTHER…
        I’ve always said Adult Contemporary stations need to be playing good tunes…you know, break out of that Celine/Michael Bolton/Matchbox 20 rut.

        (I shall now take the Broken Bells song OFF the CD I just made for you. Bitch.)

        p.s. I love Adonai. But I’d have commented with vicious glee had you referenced their greatest contribution to CCM:
        “For as long as I shall live I’ll testify, testify, all of my life I’ll testify….”

        SING IT!

        • don’t get me wrong, i LIKE them.. but i DO think they’re overrated. and it’s ANNOYING that they’re on AC radio.

          “i’ll be a witness….”

        • True Story: There is a youtube video of me singing Testify to Love with two (now gay) guys and a some girl – from 1998. No, I’m not linking it. Yes, it only has 12 views (all that gay guy’s mom).

          Avalon FTW.

    • I love my blackberry! boooo to Iphones.

      • Team iphone. No contest. Even though have never used a blackberry.

  14. GOOD MORNING EVERYONE! :) SORRY CAN’T SEE THE TOPIC TODAY OTHER THAN IT’S KSTEW RELATED! :( SO ALL I WILL SAY IS “JEALOUS, I WANT HER LIFE, MONEY, JOB AND OF COURSE HER SIGNIFICAT OTHER” OK I REALLY ONLY WANT HER FAKE LIFE AND EDWARD!!

    BTW ANY OF YOU LADIES WANT TO “COME OUT” AND ADMIT THAT YOU WERE DRIVING IN FRONT OF US YESTERDAY (WAYYYY TOO SLOW :) ) WITH THE NH LICENSE PLATE “LTR”??? :)

    • P.S. BUMPER STICKERS FOR THE LTT/LTR STORE..??? OH THE POSSIBILITIES!!!

      • THATS ACTUALLY A REALLY REALLY GOOD IDEA CYN!

        • Yes pls!!!

          • SOME BUMBER STICKER IDEAS ONLY FOR TRUE NORMAL FOLKS WHO “GET IT”:

            I ONLY DRIVE MY VOLVO AT NIGHT!
            BRAKE FOR MOOSE CUZ “THERE NOT BEARS”!
            THIS WAS A NICE CAR TIL IT FURSPLODED!
            KEEP A SAFE DISTANCE ..DRIVER MAY PHASE!
            THIS CAR’S BEEN TO LA PUSH BABY!
            FASTER THAN A RABBIT!
            PROUD MEMBER OF LTT!

            AND OF COURSE WE NEED AN OVAL STICKER (LIKE FOR THE AIRLINE CODES THAT EVERYONE HAS WITH JUST LTT OR LTR ON THEM..DEFINATELY WILL STUMP THE CLUELESS ONES!

            YEAH NOT ENOUGH SLEEP LATELY…SORRY! ;)

      • GOOD IDEA! I REALLY LIKE THE OVAL ONE THAT SAYS LTT. SO SIMPLE YET SO DIRECT. I’D BUY IT.

        • ME TOO!!!!! I WANT ONE OF THOSE.

          • ANG..DO YOU SEE MY MSG. LAST NIGHT??

          • MIDCYN – YES, I DID ON HERE. DID YOU SEND AN EMAIL? HAVEN’T SEEN ONE FROM YOU. WILL SEND YOU AN EMAIL NOW!

        • I NEED ONE OF THOSE TO COVER UP THE “HMB” THAT WAS ON MY CAR WHEN I BOUGHT IT. ANYONE KNOW WHAT THAT STANDS FOR? CAUSE I DON’T!

    • FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO READ THE POST, YOU HIT THE POINT PRETTY HARD.

      OH, AND I EMAILED YOU EARLIER THIS WEEK, BUT I ONLY GOT JUNK MAIL BACK FROM YOU :’(

      • TEAM SETH!!! I DIDN’T “SEE” YOUR EMAIL?? WHAT JUNK MAIL? I HAVEN’T WRITTEN ANY EMAILS UNTIL LAST NIGHT AFTER I GOT MY NEW LENSE! I PLEASE RESEND EMAIL AND I WILL WRITE BACK PROMISE!! MISS YOU! <3

        • WILL DO! YOUR JUNK MAIL WAS SOME LINK SENT TO ALL THESE RANDOM EMAIL ADDRESSES.

          • I NEVER SENT ANYTHING TO ANYONE?? DO YOU THINK I HAVE BEEN HACKED…WORRIED NOW????!!!!

          • THAT IS MY CONCERN TOO! MAYBE CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD?

          • @TEAM SETH…..HAS ANYONE ELSE GOTTEN A JUNK EMAIL FROM ME RECENTLY? SCANNED COMPUTER ALL IS WELL..TEAM SETH, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHECK YOURS TOO JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE?

  15. Wow. I’ve been mostly indifferent to her…I think it’s like the interviewer said…she’s inarticulate yet brilliant…how frustrating that must be to not be able to SPEAK. LOL.

    And okay on the pic…I’m so confused. WHY does she show the interviewer? Why? She wants to be private, says it’s private “You look at those pics I’ll kill you” yet ends up showing her. So she wants to “confirm” he’s hers…yet stay private. So dang weird. At the end of the day it doesn’t freaking matter…I’m mostly dontgiveacrapsten but really? Just say it. OUT LOUD or shut up about NOT saying it.

    Completely off topic…NOTE TO THE DRIVER I WAS BEHIND THIS MORNING…if you are going to rock out an “I drive like a Cullen” bumper sticker and 2 “Twilight” stickers, will you please fortheloveofallthatisgood DRIVE LIKE A CULLEN! 30 mph in a 45 mph zone is DEF not Cullen behavior. Moron. Represent, girlfriend! End rant.

    • I LOVE the off topic RANT!

    • I am loving your off topic rant! After spending almost an hour in traffic this morning and only getting half way to work before abandoning my car and getting the train in… BOO HISS to slow drivers!

      If I’d seen a Cullen sticker I might’ve had to get my mofo’ing gun out.

      • I think you are full of win today. Just sayin.

    • I love all rants, but yours is fucking awesome.

  16. Ok, I have never had any REAL feelings toward KStew one way or another. And this article doesn’t change that. It’s like the same things we have heard or read before with some extra F*cks and Cooters thrown in for good measure.

    I just wish that she would own herself. She is trying but it’s like she is almost too afraid to let it all out. Does that make sense? It’s like she is apologizing with her “No one cares more than I do” speech.

    Her pictures look like every other photo shoot she’s in. Gorgeous.

    ps. I will totally get kicked out of the club for this but I have never heard of any of the bands she mentioned. I want to be more informed on good music…how does this happen?

    • don’t you follow my real twitter & therefore know my real blog? start there:) i always talk about amazing music I listen to!

      don’t start with interpol- so 2004. Mumford & sons. Go NOW

      • Yes I do. And am now ashamed I haven’t actually read that OTHER site. I will now.

      • mumford and sons can bite me! they’re killed on mainstream radio here in oz, don’t know if it’s the same where you guys are.

        • Snap. Mumford & Sons have lit’rally been on in my car since October. Whilst I love the little banjo toter’s there’s a new album from a similar outfit Stornoway, very summery.

    • YOU AND ME! Same Boat music wise, same mother flipping boat, I mean mother fucking boat (being hard core today). Luckily you and I can make people come to our room in LA and school us. You my dear have 29 more days, me 30.

  17. I didn’t read the article because 1) I’m too lazy, 2) you all know how I feel about KStew, and 3) I’m *really* too lazy.

    “I’m a straight girl who in no way wants to see your “cooter.” However, I would like to borrow your sweater”
    Bwahahahahaha! Am reading a FF now (Holla MoBS!) where Bella says “cooter” LOT. Coincidence? Perhaps not.

    “We can’t have Breaking Dawn without Bella now can we? What would Isle Esme be like? Edward… by himself…. just him on an island.. bathing…. swimming…. naked…alone…. Oh wait…that might not be so bad”

    UNF…gah…*drool* oh please, Lord, let this happen!!

    xo obava

  18. This just makes me want to cry.

    She’s a tiny little creature. Twenty years old. I’m barely older than her and I can remember clearly having a nervous breakdown at twenty when a 40 something biotch called me a whore. WHORE?!? Despite the teen pregnancy, I’ve been with ONE dude. See? I still get riled up about that stupid effing woman. She makes me want to stab things.

    ANYWAY, I’m with Tuesday, she needs a hug.

    I don’t understand how people can hate (or dislike or whatever) celebrities. I never hate someone until they have personally pissed me or committed some grievous crime. Wearing a weird tshirt to some press event thing is not a crime. Perhaps, it’s bad fashion or annoying to people who care, but I doubt she kills puppies in her spare time.

    It’s just all so sad. And now I want to cry.

    Young love is easy enough to fuck up without everyone around the globe demanding answers. Ugh.

    PS. I can totally understand if you think she’s a bad actress. As I have not been personally trained in this art form, I am a terrible judge. But she entertains me. And I’ve watched her silly show about vampires almost as many times as I’ve watched RHPS. That has to count for something.

    • ‘silly show about vampires’ hahaha!

    • You rock!!

      I also don’t care what she wears, how she wears her hair or whether or not she showers regularly. My only beef with her is that I’m not a fan of her acting.

      The web sites that are devoted to hating on her are really…..disturbing. People who make time each and every day to spew hatred about a girl they don’t know, need to seek counseling, as they obviously have major issues in their lives that they haven’t dealt with.

      (Going on a Twilight/Rob site every day to have fun and make jokes is totally normal, btw. ;) )

      At the end of the day, I’m just really ambivalent about KStew.

      • My only beef with her is that she doesn’t OWN UP to Rob in public. My lawdy if I was hittin’ that…I’d be shouting it from the rooftops. Wearing T-Shirts proclaming it…etc and EVERY interview would start with “HECK YEAH I’m hittin’ that!”

        Ahem. Sorry, just sayin’…

    • If she starts killing puppies, I am totally kicking her ass.

      • My day is complete, I have been downthumbed for an obviously hilarious comment.

    • This was fucking brilliant and I loved it. I never hate on the Stew, just not of fan of her “down home” look she sports on her down time. But you know, it’s because I want to be entertained every day.

      Entertain me Kstew, show me bright shiny things, bad ass make-up, and crazy ass shoes that you change out of later cause you can only wear those bitch ass shoes for too long just like me….

      I’ve writen too much

  19. Might as well stir it up a little more.
    I was perusing Barnes & Noble last night & picked up my copy of People’s The Sexy Stars of Twilight. On page 16 there is an unattributed quote that claims Rob calls Kristen “Trouble” as a term of endearment. Those of you versed in Cockney rhyming slang will be well aware that trouble& strife = WIFE. Why is a boy from London calling her that when he could go with “me old china”, plate = mate (friend). Fuel to the fire? Or just a reference to Breaking Dawn? You decide.

    • I doubt Rob even made the ‘trouble & strife’ meaning ‘wife’ connection. I don’t know anyone who uses cockney rhyming slang like that, I don’t think many people do now, unless they really are from the East End of London.

      Having said that, slang just gets assimilated into the vocab, I probably do use those slang words, but I don’t realise that’s where it comes from! ‘Berk’ is a good example of that, I only recently found out what it means, and I had to explain it to my Nan whose from the East End!

      • Oh please, could you define it for me!? I work with a Brit (in the US) who calls a certain individual that (not me, but I can’t name him) All The TimeN but when I ask her, she just smiles!

        • Berkshire hunt = See You Next Tuesday.

          I guess RPattz and KStew could just be big Amy Winehouse fans. “I told you, I was Trouble. You know, I’m no good?”

          *thinking way too much about this when I don’t even care who is with whom*

      • Oh man I know this thread is from, like, yesterday in US time, and its totally off topic, but I LOVE rhyming slang, its so hilarious.

        That scene from Goldmember with Mike Myers and Michael Caine? Sheer brilliance.

        My personal favs, feel free to add to your vocabulary lasciviously:

        sky rocket = pocket
        dead horse = tomato sauce
        frog = frog and toad = the road
        butchers = butchers hook = a look
        apples = apples and pears = the stairs

        man i could go on and on…

        for everyone’s benefit, mainly any east enders, I’m from Australia, where we love a bit a slang and particularly like stealing other peoples!

  20. I’m hoping that pic on the iPod is with Chris Weitz and not Rob. I want to think of their relationship all angsty & dirty sex-like, and photos of them together are them intertwined in flannel sheets–clinging to one another. This cat pic is much too innocent and way too family portrait for them (and me), that’s why it needs the DILF.

    • LIKE

  21. Muffin – I prefer the name muffin, not cooter. Wasn’t that a character name on Dukes of Hassard?

    • Total win for mentioning Dukes of Hazzard.

      None of this newish Dukes of Hazzard Jessica Simpson crap either – we rockin’ it OLD SCHOOL. LOL.

      Yes, Cooter was the greasy mechanic! ;) Love!

      • There is one episode burned into my pre-puberty brain where the boys had to jump into the Lee nekkid and drive around. Hawt.

        • Totally hot. I loved me some Bo Duke.

      • Exactly what I thought about when I read the article! Cooter , Oh my what memories this brings back. A couple years ago we went to Nashville for DUKE FEST . Now seeing as I hate all things redneck I was surprised to find myself there. However there were some damn good looking stunt guys! See how easy it is to get from Kstew cooter to Hot Stunt Man!

  22. I already said yesterday on LTR why I get they don’t want to say things clearly and I also don’t need more confirmation of their obvious couple. Ditto on the music and her being so young, actually too teeny for her real age, I’d say. After all she does hang out with Dakota. Gawd, how can anyone hang out with Dakota? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Dear KStew,

    I didn’t know where my exact same Vanessa Bruno socks went (maybe in the garbage for end of life reasons) but now I see you borrowed them. It’s OK, I’m cool with it. Now can I have something in return? Hint: it’s in the photo you wanted to show. Don’t worry, it’s not the cat, nor the ipod.

  23. OOPSIE. I missed where at the top you tell us to read the article before reading today’s letter and I was confused. In my defense I had an early dr’s appointment where they rammed a speculum up my “cooter” so I was a little distracted.

    • hahaha.. how appropriate!

    • Bummer. I did that yesterday, so I feel your pain, sister!

    • LOL. All day.

    • I have a cooter exam tomorrow. Hoping for no ramming of any speculum.

      • strangley- i have that appt tomorrow too!

        • Oops that reminds me I need to schedule mine.

    • Glad I’m not the only one who had one.

      Cold and uncomfortable, like looking at KStew’s Wanting bitchface for too long.

  24. I’m firmly Team I Could Really Care Less, but did anyone else notice how the interviewer refers to Rob as “deliciously handsome” on the first page, and also calls the guy in KStew’s pic “deliciously handsome”?

    BTW…you can in fact put pics on your iPod. Why exactly you’d want to do so is the mystery.

    • Oh, and my cat needs to join this ring of J Cats. His name is Jello (my 2 year old named him).

      • BEST CAT NAME EVER

  25. I don’t care about Kristen, I just don’t care, but this interview was one lame thing, same for the “behind the Flaunt shoot thing”, she has it all and obviously she has some major problems to handle situations/people/ world around her…..the young cat lady with the lovely BF!

    • YOung cat lady? Thanks for that, RG!

      Totes agree about the Flaunt thing, too…

      Dear Kristen,
      In your spare time, please look up “inner beauty.” You might learn something important or ask your “bf”..he knows all about it.

      xo
      lion

      • :: waves at mtnlion ::

        • Dude (TS) ! Hi! So good to see you!!!!

      • Hey ML, where’d yer avi go??

  26. I totally get that Kristen isn’t all that well spoken and often nervous so what she says doesn’t always come out the way she intends it too, I get that and I feel bad that that’s the case.

    But like Brooke said actions speak louder than words and even tho she tells us all. the. time. that she cares …her actions say otherwise.

    Whatever tho, she is who she is and I’m ok with that. I’v already accepted that we’ll get all the sorid details of her & robs love affair years from now, after they’ve broken up, in a tell all book written by the rest of the twi-cast that are all out of work and name-less.

  27. There she is, that’s the UC I love to hate.

    I FUCKING LOVED this post. Pointed out all the shit on my mind as well. And, yes Moon, please point me in the direction of the Ahi Tuna Burger Lobster Shack, cause I am all over that.

    PS Lots of this post is riddled with sarcasm, and some of it, is also painfully true.

    • You’re just jealous because while I love you, I only want to have lesbian sex with Kristen…and Jenny Lewis. And Emily Haines.

      We’ll overlook all that, though. Because #WeAreAlwaysRight.
      And because we hashtag blog comments.

      • Well, I would rather have lesbian sex with Kristen, Jenny or Emily too.

        However, they probably don’t know about #alwaysbeingright or hastaging, or even commenting on blogs. Therefore you can cheat on your lesbian lovers with your hastagging, well-read, witty, drunken, sister wife.

    • yes. i hate you. let’s have tuna together. and kogi. 30 days. or something

  28. I like her. I think she’s smart, pretty, awkward, (what 20 year old isn’t?), but still charming. I really didn’t have much of an opinion of her until I saw the Oprah interview with the cast. She’s so vulnerable and really doesn’t have much self confidence, but there’s potential. In a few years and with a little maturity, she’ll be sitting taller, smiling more and may even throw a little dry shampoo in the locks when there isn’t time for a wash. She’s just young, a tad immature and insecure with her fame.

    • Damn you for making me think reasonably!!

      • I know right? How uncalled for is that?!

        • Sorry! I’ll try to keep it down next time

  29. WAIT.
    UC, the last time you heard “cooter” was not when you were 12. It was yesterday. When Moon asked me to describe that particular cream and I told you exactly what the good doctor calls it: Coot Cooler.

    Coot, cooter…same thing.
    p.s. “Tootie” is softer, don’t you think? More appropriate?

    • haha…. i forgot. you said cooter- you actually say MOST of those words in the urban dictionary link i included…

      WHY HAS NO ONE MENTIONED THE LAST TERM ON THAT LIST?

      • filet-o-fish! Gnarly

      • Are you calling me a redneck? Because that is nothing new.

        Are you calling Kristen Stewart a redneck?

        Please.
        She wishes.

        Until she and I are BFF, there’s no hope for her EVER being a redneck.

        p.s. Is now the time to tell you that my mother was engaged to someone before she met my dad? His name is Cooter. No lie.
        Remind me and I’ll send you a pic. He’s a family friend. I was in his niece’s wedding, and his great niece was one of my bridesmaids. SERIOUSLY.

      • I would, but I am too afraid to look at ANY UD links while at work. IT would be all over me so fast! LOL

        • WORD. No links for UD or any ever from veddersgirl.

      • UC, it’s too offensive for this blog.

        • I didn’t know such a thing existed. ;-)

        • Potential comment fail…I meant that I didn’t know a thing too offensive for the blog existed. Not the other, oh, well…never mind.

          • teehee.

  30. Ugh. The interview. I’ll refrain from commenting.

    But, I’m having so much fun on Urban Dictionary. My fave is definitely vertical smile. Which is kind of ironic given the subject of this post. Yoni and nookie next. Kind of cute.

    • Dude, my husband has said “axe wound” before. Gross…

      • Ouch.

      • I’ve definitely heard a chick get called a “cum dumpster” before. So not cool

    • There’s a parody band called Vertical Smile. Funny dirty stuff!

  31. AMEN, UC, AMEN.

    Kristen, I always thought you were cool, I’m trying really hard to keep thinking that, but now you’re starting to annoy me.

    You care. We get it. No, you really, REALLY care. Ok, great. No, no, really, you f**cking care, more than ANYONE else in the WORLD. Ok, that’s awesome. NOW SHUT UP ABOUT IT, because you really ARE the only one that cares. It’s a movie, based on a book. MOVE ON. Go care about something else. You got cast on On The Road, one of the most iconic stories ever, so talk about that.

    Just go do your thing, maybe take a shower, and did you know about dry shampoo? You don’t even need water, check it out.

    I’m sorry, but this interviewed ANNOYED me.

    • Dry shampoo FTW! Her magazine interviews annoy me too! Then in her television interviews she’s all nervous and hugging Oprah for support. Either be a biznatchy or be a wuss, but when you do both I feel like you have mutiple personality disorder. That being said….I do like the way her mullet has grown out!

      • I thought it was just me. I read her interviews and want to punch her in the face. Then I see an interview and feel like a big meanie and think she’s just a sweet-ish, unsure but okay 20-something young thing trying to figure out herself and the world like I was four million years ago, and I want to give her a break. It’s effing with me.

        Then I see her in pictures with who she doesn’t seem to realize is MY man, and I want to rip…

        Oh I’m sorry, didn’t realize I typed that out loud.

        • It’s because she can’t say most of those words on Oprah…so she’s rendered speechless. That must be it.

          • I like your theory and I will adopt it as my own. Done.

          • Thanks, Aro.

        • Oh dear, the Thumbsdownstens have struck. I think I’m a wanted woman now.

        • TOTALLY want to punch her in the face, which is terrible, because I honestly have no problem with her at all! Just, everything that comes out of her mouth is one incomplete, stuterring, annoying…no, but seriously NO PROBLEM with her at all!!

  32. “First, SERIOUSLY K? Why are you reading Perez!? If you want to see yourself with jizz drawn on your face, I can send you my personal collection! ”
    l.m.f.a.o!
    oh gosh this is cracking me up.

    okay so I totally love the scans, she looks hot and uhm I’m pretty sure summit puts pictures on her ipod.

    anyway lmao 4ever and such.
    the interview was kinda disturbing and I’m sure that I never ever want to be in stews car…

    okay now I go dream about BD without bella.
    *le sigh* can sb write a fanfiction about that? or is there already one?

    • summit consipracy theories FTW

  33. Home chick in mag is different than home chick on Oprah

    She should really just be her self and not be two different ppl!
    Talk about split personality
    Its confusing…
    Is she really that nasty or jus pretends to be?

  34. So my comment is directed to the “We Get It” section. UC-THANK YOU!!!! Seriously, I try to love this girl. I try to like her. But she opens her mouth and says the exact same thing in almost every interview. And it always sounds rude. It sucks your privacy is gone, but you’re a bajillionare now and you’re riding the glitter wave with Rob and Taylor, it cannot be THAT bad. Say it once, then move on to other topics. That is why reporters keep asking you the same darn thing every time they interview you!!!!

    I feel like she should spend more time with PFach, he’s wise and handles publicity well. He should temporarily take her under his wing. Plus then Jennie Garth can teach her to handle fans the 90′s 90210 way.

  35. Sigh. She annoys me. I wish it weren’t true so I could feel like a bigger person — although I’m not sure how her not bugging me would make me a bigger person. Don’t mind me, I ramble sometimes — but she just does. Alas.

  36. You know the post is a good one when there are 120 comments before 1pm.
    Here’s my take on the Stew: I’m kinda starting to like her. I really liked this interview *ducks for cover* I’m not sure why I liked it, I just did. It’s so hard to tell when celebs are being real about stuff nowadays, and I just really believed this interview. I do agree that she needs to quit with the “But I really do care” whining, but I understand her awkwardness when it comes to dealing with the public. I like to think I’m a nice person, but I’ve been told I can come off “bitchy” in situations where I’m uncomfortable/don’t know anyone. I know you can always argue that that is no excuse, she’s grown up in the biz, she should know how to handle the public, etc., but I just don’t see how that would make it any easier dealing with such sudden fame. Maybe she’ll get it eventually, but I think we should cut her some slack. She’s only just 20 for goodness sakes.

    • -I really liked this interview *ducks for cover*-

      *throws things at you*
      ;-)

      • *ducks*

        *throws things back at Aro*

        This could be fun! LTT FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!

  37. I think she works really hard at being what she is, and the whole “grotty” thing. By the time she and Rob are ready to admit they’re together -they’ll be broken up. Takes all the fun out of it for the rest of us.

    • Also part of my theory about possibly why they shut up. Who wants to make an announcement only to detest each other and break up the next month? Maybe they realize relationships can be fleeting and making a grand announcement sounds too…certain.

      Can you imagine the shit storm of filming an Isle Esme scene and the world knows you wanted to claw each others’ eyes out at that point? Good times!

      I say they’ll stay mum until the whole Twi-thing is over. Then if they’re still together, fine. If they’re not, it can always be, who said we were in the first place? Or something. I have new theories daily because this is all vitally important ya know.

      • Yes. Thumbs up x 990000000000.

    • I think that Summit might be encouraging the crazy are they/aren’t they. I assume they really are, but I bet Summit is expecting a “jump the shark” moment as soon as they admit it. You know…like on “Friends” once Ross & Rachel got together, people quit caring about them. More drama had to be created to keep people watching. They don’t want Twilight to jump the shark just because the mystery is over.

      That’s my theory at least.

  38. Love the post, just 2 things…
    1) Sexy grandpa hair…just no. Badness.
    2) I laughed so hard at filet o fish that my office neighbor came to check on me out of concern. I did not relieve his concerns about my mental health when I told him I was laughing at filet o fish but I couldn’t tell him why.

    • “I did not relieve his concerns about my mental health when I told him I was laughing at filet o fish but I couldn’t tell him why.”

      Comment of the day.

  39. i’m pretty sure she went to the lobster shack to give me a shout out. you all know it. don’t deny.

    • Funny, you haven’t been a lobster in so long. Some people probably don’t get the connection anymore. You’re still my lobster.

      • Good Point. Thumbs up for reminding.

        • Janet…
          I’m at a loss for words…

          You spelled out GOOD. EFF!

  40. I’m afraid to be here today… are there any interwebz throw downs yet?

    Just wanted to say that I fucking adore this letter, UC! Can we curse all the time now? Will there be a “over 18 confirmation” page soon? Hilar

  41. The fact that her BlackBerry is all beat up and hanging on by a thread just makes me like her more.

    And about the age thing – For most people I think 19-21 ish is the time when you think you know the most about yourself and the world, and looking back, it’s when you knew the least. I was exactly the same way – I think it’s fine and normal!

  42. P.S. UC…. does Jonas bat for the other team? Because Jella is a boy, and while i don’t claim to know anything about his sexual orientation, i’d guess he was straight. So while i’ve no doubt that one night the two cats will partake in the requisite male bonding ritual of consuming large quantities of alochol and varying hallucinogenics that will inevitably lead to some petting in odd places and an awkward morning after conversation and i just don’t want Jonas getting his hopes up for something more.

    • OMG! Gay cats! This post gets better and better.

  43. Not a fan of KStew’s-don’t hate her but mainly she’s the cardboard cutout in the shape of a girl “acting” (I use that term loosely) next to Rob and that’s the extent of my acknowledgement of her existence. But having said that, I do realize she’s only 20 and that part of my problem is jealousy. Still, seeing her next to Dakota on Oprah and hearing how poised & gracious Dakota is made me so 2nd hand embarrassed for KStew. I mean, I know KStew doesn’t hide her awkwardness but a 16 yr old put her to shame. Taylor’s well spoken as well and even Rob can spit out a sentence or 2. She wants to act like “this is me, accept it” but then makes excuses for her shyness. Either embrace it fully or work on it.

    The “mystery man iPod pic” was annoying. Maybe it was taken out of context somehow but why bring it up AT ALL if you’re just going to say for the eleventy billionth time you don’t discuss your personal life.

    • *she’s the cardboard cutout in the shape of a girl “acting” (I use that term loosely) next to Rob and that’s the extent of my acknowledgement of her existence.*

      Will you marry me please?

      I’m a little more proactive about it; I go by the title of Avoidsten. It’s better that way.

      • Yes, I will marry you. Can I be the girl in the relationship though?

        Avoidsten, Denialsten, Headinthesandsten. They all work for me. If I even contemplate the 2 of them together (*gasp* the horror!), the pixie dust that surrounds him starts to lose its sparkle, the angels cry, and the music fades. It’s like saying you don’t believe in Tinkerbell. “I don’t believe in Robsten! I don’t believe in Robsten!” And now Rob’s glowing, the angels are laughing and I hear a symphony.

        • And it is beautiful.

          *watches the sparkles shimmer down*

          We will marry in just such a scene, with you being the girl and our vows affirming the non-existence of…whatever “sten” it’s called, I don’t know cause I avoid it, and all will be right with the world.

          *skips away*

          • But only Team Edward Twimom strawberries at the reception, k?

          • What, as if there are other options? Done and done.

          • And we can register at Etsy for handmade Twilight gifts!!!! Oh, this fake-lez wedding will be AWESOME. Much better than my first, strictly hetero wedding. (No offense, hubs.)

          • I totally can’t wait!

            The husbands can be Best Men (Men of Honor? I don’t know how these things work). Or, they can just roll their eyes like mine does whenever the syllable “Twi” comes out of my mouth. On second thought, we don’t need them for our Avoidsten nuptials. This is a girl thing.

          • But maybe if they’re good boys, we’ll let them watch. ;-)

      • I actually want them to be together. Not sure why… I do think they ‘match’ somewhat.

        BUT in saying that I don’t want to hear about, read about it in gossip mags, on perez etc etc. I love a good trashy mag, it’s my guilty pleasure (after the Twi-scape of course) but I CANNOT and WILL NOT purchase a gossip mag if there is a single reference made to Twilight on the front, ESPECIALLY if it’s related to Robsten. I will buy a ‘serious’ mag if it’s a ‘serious’ interview with a cast member but that is it.

        Any Twi-articles from those outside the fandom make me fucking cringe (let’s be real, many articles INSIDE the fandom make me cringe, except LTT!).

        Robsten articles are 95% false anyway (not saying they’re not together, just the magazines’ interpretation of events is usually fabricated) so I just refuse to waste my money on a magazine that’s going to be thrown across the room in frustration and 2nd hand embarrassment within minutes of sitting down to read it.

    • She has a lot of mannerisms- the blinking, the stuttering, the mumbling, the breathing, and mannerisms can’t pass for acting- but I think the break-up scene with Edward and the last scene with Jacob were really done well- I was near tears.

    • Dakota and Kristen are just different people. She is just not as comfortable with attention. I do realize however that she needs to try and get over that considering her situation. Do me a favor if you havent seen any pre Twi Kristen movies…she’s awesome in(much better acting than Twilight if you ask me) Speak, Into the wild, and In The Land Of Women and some other ones I cant remember right now….I might be wrong but you might see her in a whole new light….

    • Loved your cardboard cutout line! I kind of nothing-her. She’s not really on my radar, except when reading stuff here, or watching the movies.

      Still, was nice to see her looking shampooed and sexy. Would have liked a smile, but we can’t have it all, and that’s probably asking for too much.

      Agree about the mysterious pic – by showing it you obviously know it’s going to be mentioned very publicly, KStew. You’re fueling the fire you so despise, girl!

  44. “let’s get out of this country” WIN. I’ll give you a shout out when I see them this weekend (Sasquatch, baby!)

    :: rushes to listen to Antics on my 20MB copyright 2004 ipod that no longer works with the updated itunes so all my 2005 and earlier music is stuck on there and will get deleted if I try to sync it to my computer ::

    Okay, but really, our wedding song is “There Is A Light” and I told my mother this and played her the song and she said (and Rachel you’ll love this), “I don’t know if I like that song.” (which, if you’re not my sister, is code for “That’s the worst thing ever and it’s NEVER happening at your wedding.”) And perhaps one day I’ll be engaged. FAIL.

    • lol. oh, mom.

      • :)

    • Your mom didn’t like a song that talks about dying together from a crash with a double-decker bus? How surprising!

      • it’s true love! (haha, precisely)

    • that song is totally one of the most romantic songs i’ve ever heard! honestly, ‘to die by your side, the pleasure, the privilege is mine’. Very Romeo and Juliet-esque if you ask me

      • Hey Beav! Thanks…now I have Elevator Zooey from 500 Days singing in my head. :-)

      • Quite Vampiric, really…

    • Team Seth, I love your new avi. <3

      • Thanks!

    • My mom had codes like that also. Her code phrase is: “I just want you to do whatever will make you happy.” That means: “You must be crazy if you think that is a good thing.”

      • HAS! I meant my mom HAS codes like that. Geez, I can’t let my mom be past tense in cyberworld just because I have poor typing skills.

  45. I loved this post & am really happy to see the tone of most of these comments! I stayed off here all day after finding some LTR comments just mean yesterday – so much that I logged off my computer all disappointed & went back to real life…How grim is that? Especially as my real life sucketh at the moment.

    I also laughed so hard at the ‘filet-o-fish’. Does Taylor know do you think?

    • How DARE someone thumbsdown you?!?!? Not on my watch!

      Well, maybe it was Taylor who did it, because he prizes all aspects of the female anatomy and doesn’t want to associate them with his father’s favorite food. Oh gross – I just have thought that sentence through first.

  46. i love you for writing this… and for having this convo with me… and for the shit you will get for being honest about it.

    id also like to say you went to easy on the whole lobster shack/”can you order for me” part. you KNOW how i feel about this ;)

    and thank you for this… lets get outta this country… i have been so unhappy…

    ps i want those modcloth shoes. NOW. and i give a shit, please believe me! f*ck. damn. sh9t.

    • Wait, did someone give UC shit for her opinion? Am I missing it? Dang.

      p.s. Please…oh, PLEASE for all that’s sacred and holy and CCM lyrical…if you meet Kristen at some point in June (“Surprise!” yells Stephanie–”I’m dragging out cast members to meet you!”) will you please record and/or tape the expressions on your faces? I’m the world’s worst at faking feigned interest. I wanna see how y’all do it.

      I’m completely serious.
      ‘Cause if I ever meet Heidi or Spencer, I need to know how to remember my home training. TESTIFY TO LOVE.

      • Colors of the rainbow … voices on the wind … dream that reaches out where love begins … (and repeat)

    • Today I will love you because of you tourettes.

    • Seriously, asking someone, especially a journalist, to go inside and order something for you, when there’s like 3 people in there…I don’t know, if you really do care, then suck it up, smile (or not) and order your own damn food.

      What a marshmallow! :P

      • Or try a drive-thru.

      • Oh and didn’t she realize that asking the journalist to order food for her would be mentioned in the article? She had to know how that would come across to us little people who actually have to walk into the restaurant and order our own food. Or maybe she doesn’t, I don’t know, care?

        Oooh, I think I’m hating today, even though I don’t mean to be. It must be the heat. Ignore me.

  47. I’m just still in shock that she’s just getting into the Smiths! Rob probably threatened to leave her if she didn’t start listening to them.

    Aw, it’s like their theme song:

    …hand in glove, we can go wherever we please, and everything depends upon how near you stand to me..and the people stare then the people stare, oh I really don’t know and I really don’t care…

    • If you love the Smiths then pretty much by default setting I love you. DId I ever mention I saw them play in 1984? Or the gladeoli hanging from Mozza’s pocket?

      What Difference Does It Make is pretty much my theme tune, & could be R &K’s too.

      • Yay for default love!!! You saw the Smiths in 1984?!?!?! I think by default setting I’m totes JEALOUS. And in awe.

        Moz is one of the best lyricists ever! I think you could take snippets of his words and apply them to anything!! What’s that you say? You want an example? Well, if you’re twisting my arm…

        To explain KStew’s not wanting to get her own food:
        “Fame, fame, fatal fame…it can play hideous tricks on the brain…”

        or to sum up how I feel about Rob, not being a serious lover, but able to appreciate the pretty:

        “Fifteen minutes with you, oh I wouldn’t say no…”

        For Kristen haters:

        “If you’re wondering why, all the love that you long for eludes you
        And people are rude and cruel to you
        I’ll tell you why
        You just haven’t earned it yet baby”

        I could do this all day.

        • I could listen to you do that all day.

          Love you.

          • Aw, love you too…
            I can’t help the way I feel…cause I love you…and is it really
            so strange?

    • I’ve loved Morrissey the soloist before I loved the smiths… my husband is driven freaking insane by the amount of morrissey (solo and the smiths) on my iphone. he finds it depressing. I think i very nearly ruined his experience of our european trip back in Feb by smothering him with emo. haha!

      I love his lyrics. I remember them hurting my head as a kid though, as I tried to work out what the hell he was on about.

      • I love you too.

        Scratch my name on your arm with a fountain pen, this means you really love me. X

  48. I think black hair that dark naturally looks greasy.

    • I agree, I notice on myself when I darkened my hair. But I like to use my Psssssst to help solve that problem. And like I think Michelle said, it works without water!

      PS I still don’t hate the Stew. In fact I would gladly share my Psssssst with her.

    • I promise I didn’t thumbs down you, but I have dark hair, and I can honestly say that simply washing it at least every couple of days does the trick!

      Her’s is a deliberate greasiness.

      • I have to wash my hair everyday or it looks greasenasty. So I do…
        PS- I think she should steal all of the wigs from costuming and wear them out if she can’t take the time to wash her hair. Then I might like her a teeny tiny bit as I avoid her. Or maybe she can rock the Jasper wig.. who knows?

    • Girl needs some highlights, stat.

  49. Possible Romantic Getaway idea for Stewy and her ‘You-Know-Who-y’? Mystique and quirkiness abound…

    http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-december-2-2004/cooters-

  50. Okay first of all I heart this letter. One of your funniest pieces in a long time, UC! And that is saying beaucoup.

    And you and kstew have inspired me to be all hardcore in the comments. so let me get the f()k started.

    can I just say if it wasn’t for you, UC, I would not have read that shizzy article. For one thing, I have decided I don’t give a sh&t about Kstew. I love the outfits they put her in. I covet her eyebrows. And I love that she’s a brunette because there are too many blondes in this world esp. in California. But she is not smart. she’s just a lazy driver who’s going to die of lung cancer when she’s 50 and she’s in a business that she claims to loathe over and over again she tells us she hates the Hollywood celebrity thing, but if that were the case, K, dear, why don’t you just go finish high school after Twilight’s over and find someone else to do? ok that was an unintentional typo, I swear. I meant, find someTHING else to do. Be a cat vet. Be a tobacco company exec. whatever. Just get yourself the h*ll out of Hollywood as soon as Twilight’s over, if you loathe it so much, because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life seeing you splashed over covers of magazines complaining about how wretched Hollywood is. Imagine you in 40 years, with your plastic surgery covering up your damaged skin from overdose of tobacco and sun and grease, complaining that people care how bad you look. There are plenty of actors who are successful and “rise” above the Hollywood gossip but instead you sort of just decide to feed into it by complaining about it all of the time. Get a clue, girlfriend…

    Next I’m going to complain about the boring-a$$ journalist. I have some journalism experience and all I can say is this woman is a failure. it’s not entirely K’s fault that she comes off as boring and the same-old-same-old complainy crappola. This journalist failed to tell us anything new or interesting about the girl. In fact, she failed so badly to find something new and exciting about K that I’m pretty f-ing sure that she made up that stuff about the photo.

    Aside from the journalist being desperate, I believe the photo was made-up for other reasons:
    1. as has already been mentioned, no one saves photos on their ipod. Ever. I have 3 ipods and not one has photos on them. (Which actually was not good when my hard drive burned up a few weeks ago and I lost all of my photos.)
    2. Kirsten spends the first part of the time w/the interviewer complaining about ppl asking her about Rob. Then she, out of the blue, chooses this vibrant, friendly, dynamic, creative, and clever journalist who stands out above all of the 100s of other journalists Kirsten has met in, oh I don’t know, the past month, and decides to share her precious little secret with the journalist? Give me a break. I don’t give a coot about the whole Robsten thing but I find it very hard to believe that this was Kirsten’s chosen way to “come out.”
    3. Why didn’t the journalist SAY who was in the photo. Lousy, sensationalistic writing, and it was a lie, that’s why.
    4. Can you imagine Rob and Kirsten taking a picture of themselves with her cat? Was it in front of a Christmas tree and they were all wearing Christmas sweaters, including the cat? Please. No. They are too hardcore for that. The cat would at least be throwing up or something in order for them to find that to be a worthwhile photo.
    5. The journalist resented K for making her go pick up lunch.

    Love the LTT letter and I’m glad shizz like this exists for you girls to post about.

    • I have photos on my iPod. Truth. Did I just out myself as something? If so, what?

      • maybe you outed yourself as smart, because if your computer crashes you can at least get your photos back :)

        • Yeah, they’re also on an external hard drive as my sister-in-law lost a lot of photos that way…maybe a touch of OCD for me here…lots of them are of my mini-wolves however, & therefore priceless.

        • I have pics on my iPod of my most treasured things: My nephew, my cats, me drinking things in Vegas, and Gerard Butler. Hmmm… I haven’t added anything in over a year because I now have 2 nieces, I drank more things in Vegas, and there’s NO ROB *gasp*
          I’m gonna take a pic of one of my co-workers that I’m not dating with my cat and me and put it on my iPod. Brills!

    • Maybe her saying “if you look at these pics, I’ll kill you” was a test. She *wanted* the journalist to look at them, like when someone says “Don’t look behind you” and you automatically do. So when the journalist didn’t fall for it, Kristen was forced to show it off. I sorta imagine her doing that childhood taunt of “naa naa naa naa” as she showed the pic. I agree-totally contrived.

      (LMAO at the matching Christmas sweaters comment!!!)

    • *slow claps*

      • Oh my god, I was totes going to start a slow clap too!!!

    • because our Belgian girls are probably sleeping, I’ll do their job:

      • no no no you’re the one who deserves the slow clap!

        This letter was just what I needed today…too funny!

      • Is that John Terry?!

        • I was just going to ask! Mr. Plaid has confirmed.
          RANDOM

    • You win the internets today.

      and I love how you call her ‘Kirsten’.

      lol
      :-D

      • haha that’s just a total, lazy mistake…the reason is I used to have a Kirsten American Girl doll and so for about 10 years of my life as a kid I never knew there was any other spelling for the name. and now I just can’t spell it “Kristen”.

    • I heart your comments, Operarose. I heart them hard. That is all.

      I have nothing else to say on this subject.

      I’m done.

    • Wow! Well said!!

      I agree with you the pic part was made up for most of the reasons you stated.

      Most, because I do have photo’s on my ipod. I was thankfull when I could stop carrying crappy walmart photo’s in my wallet of my besties & their kids (as well as my own kids) and I uploaded them to my ipod.

    • 5. The journalist resented K for making her go pick up lunch.

      For sure, even I resent her for making the journalist pick up her lunch!!!

    • I give you mad props for your points. And after you explained about the journalist, I think you’re right. Why now, why this journalist to come out to? It does seem odd. As much as I would love to see thier family cat pics and ewww and ahhhh, it seems so very contrived. Your last statement, about the journalist resenting Stew for asking to get her lunch, does seem like that is the truth, for serious though.

      And about that lunch service via a journalist, you make other good points. Even Brad and Angie and their gaggle of kids go to busy ice cream parlors, with Brad looking like a bum (you know he can when he has that beard and blotchy skin, and crazy hair) and Angie still looking fab, and they still go in, get photographed like crazy and just deal.

      However, I think that perhaps her age and her overall anxiety could be the reason she fears these situations and loathes Hollywood attention, not her “rebel attitude”. Now should she grow up and be ready to face criticism of her dress and look, that is self created, and go pick up lunch at a shack on the side of the road (I know, a Malibu shack), YES! But I can understand why a 20 year old, that already appears to have anixety issues, would be fearful to do so.

      Stew, take a note from Brad effing Pitt when we walks through the airport by himself sans kids, pseudo wife, and bodyguards, he raises his head and walks proudly by, ignoring it all. Stew, I want you to do that. That would be more bad ass of you than the Hollywood complaining. And with your epic array of bitch faces. I think you could pull it off. Also, please consider moving to NYC. You can avoid Hollywood crazy that you hate, while easily remaining in your chosen profession. Plus, #EASTCOASTWINS. Always.

      Fuck, I wrote a lot again

      • I like your comments, and I think that “contrived” better describes “the picture incident.” I won’t go as far as saying that the journalist 100% made up any picture – I’ll be nice and give her the benefit of the doubt – but the whole picture thing truly came off as very contrived and sneaky and bitchy and self-congratulatory. and also, I mean, come on, we all know it, it’s not like it’s *that* big of a revelation.

        Brad and Angie are an excellent example of talented Hollywood actors who take the good with the bad. Just like any other career, you just have to grin and bear it sometimes. (those are not bears)

        But I don’t really like the “she’s just young” argument. Not to come off as self-congratulatory myself, but I wasn’t immature and ditzy and insecure and didn’t make such poor choices (driving badly, smoking) when I was that age and I know a lot of other girls who weren’t, either. Take Emma Watson, for example, I think she’s about 18 yo and is cool, calm, collected and mature (and truly smart = she’s at Brown). Plus, I think attending Brown is sort of more rebellious for a young Hollywood actress than wearing dirty clothes and whining about fame.

        • Stop making me be in love with you. Just stop it right now.

          Your words, they are truth.

          *bows more*

          • mmmmkay you guys you’re going to have to stop with the compliments. I don’t want my ego getting as big as Ashley Greene’s. Because that would be just annoying to everyone else on here.

            Plus my real life name is oddly similar to hers. See? It’s a sign that I need to be super careful.

        • I agree about 20 year-olds. I wasn’t that way either at 20, however I did smoke. But regardless, I am not trying to say being 20 is an excuse for her, and by golly I think a lot of her behavior and attitude could use some work. And I guess this does sound like an excuse, but I think her youngish nature along with her anxiety (which you have to see she has), is just the way she is, and thus you have to look at her behavior through that lens.

          Stew could benefit a lot from continuing her relationship with Dakota, in fact since she has hung with Kota more, I think she has been more well spoken (not in this interview tho). Dakota is the perfect example of a young child star of 16 who is self confident and mature.

          Oh Stew, why do you illicit such passion between people commenting on a blog about teenage vamipires? Except there hasn’t really been hate today! Just great discourse!

          PS OperaRose do you have a twitter acct?

          • @operarose
            But I’m not nearly as funny on there… Twitter overwhelms me :)

          • “Oh Stew, why do you illicit such passion between people commenting on a blog about teenage vamipires?”

            Sorry..I just had to repeat that because it was awesome.

    • You win so HARD at life for this.

      *bows down*

    • I won’t bash over the “fucking hardcore” attitude, not being myself the most delicate person alive. I also don’t really dislike or like KStew, in fact I dislike more most of the Hollywood actresses, not to mention most of her ridiculous Twi co-stars (with one obvious exception) make me laugh so much (in a not very funny way).

      BUT there are one or two “wannabe cool” poses of KStew that are just hilarious to me.

      One is “Hi I quit school ( at 10 or smth?) to be a star but I loathe stardom and Hollywood”. I get it, I’d hate it myself if my slightest move was spied, but then again why this rush to work at age 10 and not just go to school like any kid and do acting as a hobby until you graduate? Sure it’s very low profile but quite coherent with the anti-stardom thing, right?

      And the second is her answer on Oprah, I digress I know but it’s too good. How cool is it to say that you want to be a writer, of the intellectual type of course? Someone should just tell her that those respected writers she talks about actually went to school and are a monument of culture. I mean to write something different from fanfic or the memories of Sarah Jessica Parker, you actually have not only to have heard of literary critics but also to understand what they’re talking about because that’s really tweed. And I’m really not sure that’s quite possible when you read a book on the plane between two interviews.

      Then again she’s just a 20 yo who chooses decent films (well except for Twi) and not be the typical Holliwood-ish caricature.

      P.S. about the Ipod gate, do you think Elle would make up the story? I think Elle France wouldn’t. I can totes see KStew putting said pic WITH Rob on the Ipod, just before the interview cause you know she has no pic of her cat alone.

      • See I really love all your points too! Esp your dissing of Twi on a Twi blog.

        That read sarcastic to me, but it’s not. Srsly..no really. Fuck. I almost always read as sarcastic. Anyhow go you!!

        • Janetrigs you’re coo !

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 158 other followers

%d bloggers like this: