Open Weekend Post: My new, much funnier than me, bff

Dear Saturdayers,

I just made up a word and put “Dear” in front of it so I could turn what would normally be just a regular ol’ blog post into a “letter,” thus fitting in with the theme of our site. See that? Pretty brilliant, huh? Blogging 101, y’all!

This past week I fell in love. In love with a Chinese guy named Vince Mancini. He makes fun of Twilight and puts Moon & I to shame. I love those people. Not only do they reassure me that it is, indeed, normal to poke fun of Twilight because that’s what “outsiders” are doing, but they make me feel so bad at my attempts to be funny that it forces me to be better. After I almost quit the blog out of depression, and after I email such a writer offering them my spot on the blog (“the pay sucks, but the people are nice,” I tell them), I get over it and move on. Until the next funny guy comes along. Anyway, I found Vince this week. And fell in love.

Just read what he had to say about Bill Condon being brought on to direct Breaking Dawn. Oh, and the picture is the one he posted on his blog. Yes. An outsider saw that. Vince writes:

(It's one thing for US to see pictures like these, but to know that people OUTSIDE of the fandom do too!? Shudder..)

“If you watched Kinsey or Dreamgirls or Gods and Monster (for which Bill Condon won an Oscar for best adapted screenplay), you probably thought, “Gee, that’s great, but where are the snorkeling vampires, the c-sections, the wolf-on-baby love affairs?” Well you’re in luck, because Summit has officially announced that Condon will direct the final chapter in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, as translated from Stephenie Meyer’s original elementary schoolese.

Yes, it takes a certain grace and a subtle sensitivity (as opposed to my own brand of overbearing, ostentatious sensitivity) to bring to the big screen a book with such plot points as:

The baby has telepathy, by the way, so everybody can read its thoughts while it’s in the womb, and it turns out to have an essentially adult mind. …In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his teeth.

So basically, an Academy Award winner is directing the sparkly vampire version of Little Man. How could that not be awesome? I can’t wait to see how Kristen Stewart decides to play the scene in which her unborn vampire baby severs her spine. Ten bucks says she plays it like really bad heartburn. She’s such a subtly sensitive actress.”

SO FUNNY, right!? (I know, right!?) That’s not even all of it. Read the entire thing here

Then, In a post about how Kellan Lutz & friends will be joining the rest of the cast for Breaking Dawn, the man I hope to make my new best friend says:

“Bite open my C-section scar, Press Release:

Summit Entertainment has confirmed that Peter Facinelli, Ashley Greene, Kellan Lutz, Jackson Rathbone, Elizabeth Reaser, and Nikki Reed will all return as members of the Cullen Family in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. These cast members join Billy Burke as Charlie Swan.

Oh God, joining Billy Burke as Charlie Swan would be a dream come true. There are perhaps no sweeter words in the English language than “join Billy Burke as Charlie Swan.” My entire childhood I sat in class daydreaming about the day when the arena would go dark, the spotlights would come on, my entrance music would start to play, and announcer would shout, NOW JOINING BILLY BURKE AS CHARLIE SWAN… I’d run out, the crowd would go wild. I was the best they ever saw. Gay Vampire Scarf Baseball would never be the same.”

Seriously read this whole thing & leave him some comment love (preferably asking him to be my bff)

So hilarious.
Looking for more to waste your time with this Saturday? Check out his post about Dakota Fanning and of COURSE you must read the one about Robsten!

Happy Saturday! I’m off to the shore- which just means the “beach,” but Philadelphians & Jersey people don’t call it that. I’ve lived here for 27 years and I still don’t get it!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

PS: The most amazing part of this entire letter is that after I wrote it I went to find my new bff Vince’s twitter account and noticed he no longer looked Asian. So I did some more research (aka read his about page fully) and realized that the Asian guy in the picture + the fact that he used to be a Chinese food chef does NOT necessarily mean that Vince is Chinese. IN fact, the guy next to the Asian guy on the about us page is NOT Michael Cera, as I first thought, and seems to actually be Vince. Oops. Let’s blame it on the 12:38 am message on the clock. Or the 1 glass of wine I had at 5:30 pm. Yeah…

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter

About these ads

37 Responses

  1. *gasps*

    He’s…he’s…funnier than US?

    It a distinct possibility as he has no undercurrent of love for the Sparkly Horrors & thus, no boundaries.

    *shakes fist* Damn you boundaries….

    • There is some great stuff on this site!

      http://www.babelgum.com/4026675/taylor-lautner-has-private-chest-director.html

      DJ, that’s for you!

  2. Hahaha! I’ve been reading FilmDrunk for quite a while now, and obviously the Twi posts are my favorites! Also, like a lot of sites, the comments are half the fun… and boy, they don’t hold anything back over there! Cool that you found it and like it, UC!

  3. Vince is my people.

    ‘Member earlier this week, when he tweeted to us? WE ARE HIS PEOPLE, too.

  4. “I can’t wait to see how Kristen Stewart decides to play the scene in which her unborn vampire baby severs her spine. Ten bucks says she plays it like really bad heartburn. She’s such a subtly sensitive actress”

    This remended me of Kristen and her horrid sleep number bed :)
    She is just so gifted… not every one can pull off a bad heartburn…
    We’ll see how she does :)

    • oh my god. how about that scene where bella barfs all that blood? ooh i wouldn’t want to miss that!

      #sarcasm

  5. Yeah, as a Twi-lover, it sometimes takes a gay Italian-Chinese funny person to point out things like how god-awfully foppish the Volturi are. Sometimes we just accept stuff and don’t notice how it might look to sane people. Sometimes.

  6. Sadly, I’m not Chinese. That did occasionally create interesting situations at the restaurant, which had an open kitchen. Like the time a southerner came in, looked at me, and said loudly to his wife, “Why, I think that boy’s Caucasian!” Though I do think an Asian man named “Vince Mancini” would be somewhat amusing.

    • You are so right. I would pay to see a Chinese guy named Vince Mancini. Sorta… So glad you accepted my bffship. This will be a beautiful friendship

      • Totally. He’s a really funny, talented writer… I’ve been following his blog for a while. I’ll admit, it’s crazy when bloggers you’ve been following for a long time discover each other, and you (meaning me) as the reader sees those worlds serendipitously intersect. *Mind is blown* :D

    • Hi Vince!

    • Hi Vince! Very cool of you to respond here. Moon and UC are two very lovely, happenin’ and hip ladies (one is taken…). I love your blog! NOT all Twilight fan are the same, as you can tell by reading thru this blog… we’re not all insecure chicks who have lonely cats when the movies come out… LOL! As a matter of fact, I’m a gay dude… a rarity, but whatev!

      You sexy-ass bitch!
      :D Hahaha… love you guys over there at FilmDrunk… maybe one of these days I’ll get the courage to go over there and comment on something myself! :)

  7. why do i have the sneaky feeling that SM reads all of these LTT stuff?? and when u finally meet her, UC and Moon, you’re so gonna be in trouble..!!

    but seriously, i hope she “gets” all of it, in the same way that we do.

    p.s. we love u stephenie! (despite everything)

    • Oh, she totally does. :)

    • I have a feeling she must drop in at least once in a while. (And by once in a while, I mean every day, because this place is slightly addictive.) I am pretty sure she’s as Normal as we all are.

      ….except for the fact that in addition to being Normal, this is the woman who is single-handedly *the* reason we are *all* normal. Other than that, she’s just like us.

      Sometimes I wonder if she did(does) post here, what her screen name and avatar would be(is).

    • She so does, why do you think she even decided to hold this bloggy blog press junket in the first place? I mean, it’s quite obvious that LTT wasn’t ‘pulled out of the hat’ rather placed on the table next to the others. It’s not like they filmed her pulling the names out… If there’s no video, it didn’t happen.

  8. SO IS IT NORMAL THAT I AM GOING TO DO ALL MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING AT THE LTT STORE??? OR IS IT REALLY NAUGHTY THAT NO ONE WILL NO WHAT TO SAY WHEN THEY OPEN THERE GIFTS THEY WILL THINK I HAVE TOTALLY LOST IT.. :)

    HAPPY SATURDAY EVERYONE! :)

    HEY UC..DOES MOON KNOW YOU HAVE A NEW BFF?? YOUR GONNA BE SO SCREWED…I HAVE A FEELING SHE IS NOT ONE TO BE MESSED WITH!! :)

    • HI MIDNIGHT CYN! SO GLAD YOU’RE ABLE TO COMMENT HERE AGAIN!
      I LIKE THE IDEA OF GIVING EVERYONE LTT GIFTS AND WATCHING THEIR FACES WHEN THEY TEAR OPEN THE WRAPPING AND GO WTF??!!

      • OH HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU! YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD!!

        I KNOW ITS KINDS MEAN, BUT FUN TOO, THE IDEA OF GIVING EVERYONE GIFTS THAT THEY WILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY MEAN..OK MAYBE TWI DAUGHTER BUT EVEN SHE DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT LTT! BTW..HOW EXCITED AM I THAT SNOWWHITE WAS SO SWEET AND MADE A WHOLE PAGE OF STUFF WITH MY LOGO IDEA ON THERE…(I HADE MADE A NOTE BACK IN MARCH ABOUT HAVING SHIRTS THAT WE COULD ALL WEAR SO IF WE EVER RAN INTO EACH OTHER IN RL AND WE HAD ON THE SHIRTS WE WOULD JUST KNOW EACH OTHER!!) SO COOL..THIS WHOLE STORE IS FREAKING AWESOME AND SNOW/UC/MOON SO TALENTED AND CLEVER..

        SO HOW ARE YOU! DO YOU HAVE MY EMAIL? IF SO DROP ME A NOTE AND TELL HOW YOU HAVE BEEN! I HAVE REALLY MISSED YOU! THANKS SO FOR THE NOTES THAT JODIE SENT TO ME..I SURE NEEDED THE SMILES! HEART YOU SO!
        XOXO

    • IF THEY DON’T ‘GET IT’ THEN I GUESS YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO KEEP IT ALL FOR YOURSELF!! :)

    • HI MIDCYN! NOW THAT I’VE BEEN COCKBLOCKED, UH, I MEAN, WEB BLOCKED FROM LTT AT WORK I’VE BEEN ON HERE A LOT LESS DURING THE WEEK. WHAT A TREAT TO COME HERE ON A SATURDAY AND FIND YOU HERE!

      OH, AND IF YOU BUY CHRISTMAS GIFTS FROM THE LTT STORE AND YOUR FAMILY DOESN’T LIKE THE THINGS…WELL, I’LL SEND YOU MY ADDRESS FOR THOSE. :-)

    • HI CYN! GLAD YOU ARE AROUND HERE AGAIN :)

      I HOPE I CAN COME TO YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY IF YOU’RE GIVING EVERYONE LTT SHIRTS ;) I’LL BRING ONE TO FOR THE GIFT EXCHANGE, TOO!

      • HEY OPERA…HOW YOU DOIN? THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE STILL UP AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT (MORNING)!! THEN I SAW THAT YOU/ANG/KITKAT HAVE BEEN HERE!! WE COULD HAVE CHATTED!! LOTS OF CATCHING UP TO DO!!
        YOU ARE ALL WELCOME TO THE XMAS PARTY! I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT FUN WE WOULD HAVE…COURSE I WOULD HAVE A SLIGHT PROBLEM EXPLAINING TO THE WHOLE FAMILY WHO YOU ALL WERE, BUT I FIGURE AFTER SEEING SOME OF THEIR “GIFTS” NOTHING WOULD SHOCK THEM!
        HUGS!
        BTW..ANYONE HEARD IF MOON HAS SENT THE VOLTURI AFTER UC YET? NOW UC KNOWS HOW BELLA FEELS..VAMPIRE OR WOLF..MOON OR (OOPS CAN’T READ THE NEW BFF’S NAME..ONLY THE CAPTION AT THE TOP) BUT YOU GET MY DRIFT!

        • HEY CYN! I’M STRESSED OVER HOUSE TROUBLES (SEE EMAIL I SENT YOU EARLIER) SO ONLINE LATE TONIGHT. :-)

          CAN’T WAIT TIL CHRISTMAS…WILL TAKE HOME FROM YOUR PARTY ANY GIFTS THE FAM DOESN’T WANT TO KEEP. YOU KNOW, OF THE LTT VARIETY.

          • ANG!!! I HAVEN’T GOT MY EMAIL ON! WILL CHECK IT!! ARE YOU OKAY?? I AM SORRY YOUR HAVING HOUSE TROUBLES :( I AM SURE ROB WOULD TAKE YOU IN!! OR COME AND HELP YOU OUT AT LEAST!
            DID YOU GET MY EMAIL? JUST STARTING TO TRY AND EMAIL PPL HOPE I SENT IT TO THE RIGHT ADDRESS LOL!! MISSED YOU! HUGS!!

          • MID CYN – DID GET YOUR EMAIL AND REPLIED! RIGHT ADDRESS. MUAH!

          • @ANG..JUST WROTE YOU BACK!! I WISH I COULD BE THERE TO HELP YOU! :( I WOULD BE THERE IN A HEARTBEAT! IF THERE IS ANYTHING AT ALL I CAN DO EVEN IF IT INVOLVES ROB…LET ME KNOW.. ;)
            HUGS!

    • I LOVE YOU! THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD!

  9. I like coming to this site to get a totally different perspective on the Twilight universe. UC and Moon poke fun at it, but they still know and love it. What I don’t like are the people who trash (give me a stronger word) Twi elsewhere because they don’t get it. You can describe me with all the associated adjectives(?) –Twiadict or twiwhatever, Robsessed or Krisbian when there are hawt pictures of them, nonsten when I read a gooey article about R/K, Robsten when they say it’s for PR. I love all people(some more than others) and things associated with Twi, even with all the shenanigans. Yes, I’m freaky boring in RL, so I do vicariously live through this universe (and Star Wars too).

    • I was going to ask is “sw” stood for “star wars”, but I don’t have to. Instead I can squee about there being more star wars and twi fans :D

  10. I’m excited for you, UC, new friends are always the best. (well until they become middle age friends…as opposed to old friends…and you drift apart for a couple of years then “rediscover” them one day while getting tots at Sonic). Anyway… Vince Macini sounds like an Italian mafia name, and I’m just imaging him in Top Chef giving some flourished attitude to his adversary.

    ps-I’m still a little too excited about my new avi.

    • hey hey! Did I email you back? I can’t remember. I’ve been so behind on correspondence it’s ridiculous. Anyway, everything’s booked except our safaris because the people haven’t emailed back yet. I’m quite excited!

  11. After lmao over at filmdrunk, I STILL have Moon River stuck in my head.

    Because Vince Mancini…Henry Mancini….anyone? Anyone at all? No, just me?

    *crickets*

    Do the baby elephant walk!

    Gay Vampire Scarf Baseball had me apopleptic with giggles. And of course foppish dandies, because walking around with clothes like that is *so* the way to blend when you’re between 100 and 200,000 years old. Duh.

  12. cracking up after I read the article with the heartburn love or something. *brushes tear away* fucking genius!

  13. I’m in Philadelphia and I scream at the TV when the weather announcers or anyone says “Down the Shore”. “AT” I scream. “Down at the shore” or better yet “At the shore”. I get it, it is a shoreline. Beaches live on shorelines. I only yell when they use those stupid three words which are soooo gramatically irksome. Then again, I also yell at mice with my shirt off and steal other people’s scabs*.

    *Shamelessly stolen from Family Guy.

  14. First, you gals rock! I love your site. But in what parallel dimension did you conceive of the idea that someone name Vince Mancini would be Chinese? Like me, UnintendedChoice, you live in the Philly area, so you really outght to know better…unless, he really is Chinese, but was adopted by Italian-American parents with a wicked sense of humor, or he is actually one of those little-known about Chinese-Italians who reside in rural Italy, in a small town outside Tuscany called Volterra.

    Second, I will be heading to check into an Assisted-Living facility for senior citizens soon, having realized that I am SO old that I actually listened to The Smiths and Siouxsie and the Banshees back in the ’80’s – you know, in that previous CENTURY, B.C. (Before Computers), before Kristen Stewart was even born. What will she “discover” next, Oingo Boingo, XTC, The Sugarcubes?

    And lastly, I have been in the Philly area for 8 years and STILL don’t get why everyone here is so backwards that they say “down the shore” instead of “TO THE BEACH”. I grew up near the ocean and everyone said they were going “to the beach”. “Down the shore” isn’t even real English – not even a fragment of English – and truly makes no sense because (at least from where I live), the direction to the beach is not DOWN, it’s EAST. But I guess “EAST the shore” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue that way “DOWN the shore” does though.

    • yay! another local….

      well, in my defense it was REALLY late when i wrote that:) and didn’t put two and two together. but whatever. Vince forgave me

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 158 other followers

%d bloggers like this: