Monday Funnies: Twilight Tattoo Freaks Part 2

Dear LTT-ers and Crazy Insane Twihards with a need for ink,

Last summer we wrote a post that highlighted the best and worst of the Twilight themed tattoos we could find on the web… you guys responded and it remains one of our most popular posts almost a year later. Of course last summer was a bit more innocent and not as many folks knew about Twilight like now… so when I went to search for something the other day and saw new tattoos floating around I knew it was time we revisit the best and worst of Twilight tattoos…

(click to enlarge these to witness full size crazy)


Oh hey there crazy New Moon fan, you have a ruffled Tulip growing out of your armpit. You might wanna get that checked out.


Reminiscent of  the NM tattoo, this girl went ahead and straight up tattoo-ed the entire section from the “moonless night” part of New Moon. Sure, this is commitment but now I’m just waiting to see some girl do full sleeves of all the words from the saga. DO IT someone. COMMIT or else your shit is WEAK!


From the badass mother effer file comes my favorite Twilight tattoo so far. Nothing says “I will ef your shiz so fast” like a “Cullen” knuckle tatt. FORKS REPRESENT!


From the “I took a couple Literature classes and look at my lace panties” file we have the “Fire & Ice” tattoo along with something from Edna St Vincent Millay, Shakespeare, and a partridge and a pear tree and someones rib cage.


Next to Jimmy Neutron/Edward of the Shire tattoo, this one of my next favorite portrait tattoo. This Edward has a hot ass mullet and a wonk eye. I’m think this girl took in our “picture” of the dealbreaker Rob mullet. So sexy.

and now… witness the piece de resistance

Courtesy of PeopleofWalmart we have the tattoo that was emailed to us at least 2390492034 times last week! Bonus points for it actually looking like Robert Pattinson is hiding in the back of this woman’s White Stag sweater at Walmart. Negative points for her being able to buy 96 cent KoolAid and me not having a Walmart within reasonable driving distance.

Oh Monday, with these Tattoos you are somewhat bearable. SOMEWHAT. You know what would make it more bearable? For Rob to pull out that guitar and start playing… but I guess we’ll have to settle for some tattoos in the meantime.

CULLEN PRIDE!
Themoonisdown

Are you planning your Twilight tattoo? What would you get? I’m thinking a version of Mount Rushmore with the 4 directors: Hardi, Weitz, Slade, Condon and SMeyer on the end. Totally normal, no?

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138 Responses

  1. WTF? “This Edward has a hot ass mullet and a wonk eye” First thing I thougt when I saw it was “who the hell would tattoo Kristen face on their back ?” LOL These tattoos are so wrong in MANY ways!

  2. Oh dear Lord . . .
    That face one is horrible!!
    And the script alllllll down your back? Facepalm.
    If I ever did it would be VERY discrete and VERY tiny: a little apple.
    Same with Harry Potter. I’d get a TINY little red lightning bolt somewhere discrete.
    And they’d be so tiny because I’d be embarrassed and also if it’s big and coloured it hurts!
    And I would NEVER tell anyone I got it.
    Yeh yeh, I’m a nerd/freak.
    I think I’ll stick with the two I have, for now.

    • You wouldn’t get the lightning bolt on your forehead?!

      • I know I would.

  3. Oh Moon, of course we remember last year’s post on these, *ahem* passionate twilight fans with their ‘special’ tattoos. My, my, I thought when you showed us those masterpieces, we’d seen the best (read: worst) of it. But boy, was I wrong.

    Compared to the tattoo of Edward’s effed up face on that woman’s back, Edward the Shire was soooo much prettier.

    And did someone actually tattoo the entire ‘moonless night’ paragraph on their back? I bet this person is not likely to get laid anytime soon. Can you imagine someone feeling her back and being like ‘WTF?’ Blasphemy!

    These people make me seem like a normal fan..phew!

  4. I’m not much of a tattoo person myself but I must say these are inspirational. I am thinking a few feather tattoos and a quote about Edward standing in the ocean naked would be nice, just in time for my honeymoon this August….

    • Comment WIN. Hands down.

      PS – Do it. Your fiance will think it’s HAWT.

    • Get the feathers and then tattoo some bruises on there, as well. You will feel like post-honeymoon Bella all the time!

      • hahahahahahahahahaha

    • That IS inspired. Your fiance will know that he truly is the only one for you. I’m already married, can I steal your idea?

      • of course! Anyone can steal the idea. I am thinking of pitching the idea to The Knot and Better Homes and Gardens for a feature article: which Twilight-inspired tattoos to get to spice up your honeymoon and/or married life.

    • This is win on so many levels.

  5. Ok, I’m so stealing the red ribbon over my face idea! The.Best.Tattoo.Idea.Ever.

    *insert facepalm*

  6. These tattoos have inspired me to get my own.. I think I’ll get Nessie ripping her way out of Bella’s stomach. Everyone in my trailer park would love it!

    /sarcasm

    • That could be one of the most epic tattoos ever. I thank thee for this mental image. *bows*

    • This comment = A. MAZE. ING.

      • thank you, thank you :) I came up with it while brushing my teeth. #That’sNormal

        • totes NORMAL

    • How about this tattoo on your abdomen so it appears that Nessie is ripping her way out of YOUR belly?

  7. So why did that guy tattoo “Cullen” on his fingers?

    Are his fingers as talented as a Cullen? Playing piano? Driving? Does he think that will get him more girls?

    These photos show a scary side of the fandom.

    • I could make a really, really filthy joke right now …

      • I’m glad I’m not the only one who took it there in my mind.

        • My mind ALWAYS goes straight to the filth. I can’t help it.

    • Just a thought- is it possible that the guys last name is Cullen?

      • It has be his last name. I’m sure that after about the five billionth snicker or inappropriate stare from a fourteen year old girl (or her mother) he figured out they weren’t freaked out by his bad assness. Nothing says “thug life” like the last name of a sparkly vampire tattooed on your knuckles. He probably wishes his last name was Smith now.

    • Dude lost a bet. Once you get so covered in tattoos you dont’ really care what goes on you anymore.

  8. These make me feel slightly better about entertaining ideas of having a Bobby Long lyric tattoo (which will never happen). At least then probably no one but the LoD would recognize it and they would probably just paper me with fliers or something…

    I love the Mt. Rushmore idea, Moon! Make sure their faces are recognizeable, but still totally effed up.Maybe you should have it done across your chest so that Cathy is one boob and Bill C is the other with CW and DL between?

    • “…have it done across your chest so that Cathy is one boob and Bill C is the other with CW and DL between?” <– Best. Idea. Ever.

    • DSlade would be true to size!

      • This gave me an idea.David Slade true/size tattooed on the back.

  9. I’m a big fan of Twilight, but I can’t say I would go this far. I have a tattoo and my cousin and I joke all the time to our husband’s that we are going to go and get Twilight tattoos. Hence the reason why they will not let us go to Vegas together…alone. ;)
    I think I would cry if I was the girl with the Edward head on her back. I think if you are going to do something like that you better make damn sure they person can do portraits. That is something you would definately want to cough up the money and head to Kat von D for.

    • yaay for Kat von D!

  10. I promise I’ll send you a picture when I get my “Insert Sparklepeen Here” tattoo right above my, well, you know.

    • I am so going to print that on a shirt! hahahah

      • or on my M&S specials,

    • LMAO! Win! And yes, that would be a great t-shirt as well. Ca-ching.

      • Thumbs up for use of the phrase “Ca-ching”!!

    • tuesdaymidnight, have you considered giving people tattoo ideas as a career option? Believe me, you’ll be making millions if you do…and if those above pics are any indications, there are certain people who are in dire need of great tattoo ideas..

      I can so imagine Rob giggling at the word ‘sparklepeen’….

    • Aww, I should I have read more carefully before I posted my comment. I totes stole your sparkle peen idea (unwittingly, I swear!) Sparkle peen twinsies!

    • I can’t even come up with a comment, I’m laughing too hard and there’s coffee on the keyboard now. Thanks for fixing my Monday, Tuesday.

  11. I’d get a Twilight tattoo (just kidding)… “Be safe” (just kidding, I’d write “This is the tramp stamp of a monster, Bella”) written right over my ass crack (just kidding, I don’t have an ass crack) (just kidding, I do.) Yep, cause I’m classy (just kidding I’m trashy) like that.

    Just kidding!

    Have I annoyed you yet? Yes? GO ME! ;)

    • PS. I’d also get a pic of Robward ripping out his hair with a speech bubble saying “I DON’T DESERVE ASS CRACK!”

      PPS. I’m NOT kidding about that. ; )

  12. There’s no way I can top Renesmee working her way out of a belly or ‘insert sparklepeen here’. So I’m just gonna go with repeating how much win those tats would be. Best I could come up with is tattooing the Cullen crest on my shoulder. Which would be lame.

    • You could always just vajazzle it on.

      • You just made me google ‘vajazzle’ at work. *runs for the brain bleach*

    • Come to think of it, please tell me that some merch company is already selling those temporary bubblegum tattoos with the cullen crest and the wolf pack art on them? If not, then Hot Topic is clearly waiting for me to come up with this fantastic idea.

      • I think they are at Hot Topic. But I tried to get in and out of there as fast as possible (twhs) so no promises.

      • These people are going to wish they went for the bubblegum tattoos in about five years. Do they know that tattoos don’t wash off when you get tired of them and/or get a life?

      • I might buy and wear a fake Cullen crest or T fake Twi-tattoo. Hot Topic you said?? Because I’m sick and tired of roses and birdies fake tattoos I find in my Ice cream bars.

      • You know, such tattoos came with my copy of NM from Walmart. I threated my hubby that I was going to apply the “New Moon” movie title one as if it were a tramp stamp. He simply rolled his eyes. Killjoy.

      • * Crosses fingers that her recenlty ordered New Moon dvd will come with a wolf pack tat.*

  13. *ring ring*

    ‘Hello, Tatts fot the Tarded, how may we help you?’

    ‘oh hi, um…errr….do you have anyone there who’s a Twilight fan?’

    ‘Hell no!’

    ‘Then you’re just the people I’m looking for…how about I pay you lots to ruin my life?’

    • Can you just imagine how much most of those tattoos cost?? Oh, good lord. Not everyone is hurting financially apparently.

      • I suppose that’s a positive way to see it… of course, with 96cent koolaid, it’s pretty easy to save up.

  14. Thank god for Monday Funnies!!

    “I’m thinking a version of Mount Rushmore with the 4 directors: Hardi, Weitz, Slade, Condon and SMeyer on the end. Totally normal, no?” LOL

    • THAT’S IT! I think that is a great idea for a tat!
      Or maybe take the idea of the “Ascension of Jesus” but make it with Bella saving everyone at the end of BD.
      Well I bet if I wasn’t going to hell I am now for that idea.

      • hahahahha! like this giant bubble around everyone, indicated by one of those light reflection marks they put on drawings of balloons. Aro on the outside, eyes red like the devil’s (of course bella’s eyes would be red too…)

  15. I’m just shocked that we haven’t seen a sparkle peen tatt. Or shirtless Edward. I’m sure someone out there will not disappoint.

    p.s. – Speaking of… I got to see another terrifying side of the fandom this past Thursday at a 100 Monkeys show. Who would ever bring a certain sparkly adult toy to a public venue? A fellow Twilight fan, that’s who. *superfacepalm*

    • Was it Edward or Jasper? I hope it was Jasper. That way it’s funnier.
      PS: Does Jasper even have a doll? It would be such a twi-fail if not…
      PPS: I’m gonna go look for some Jasper-with-a-horrible-wig tattoos. There MUST be some out there!

      • oooh… I must have overlooked the word “adult”. Well then… WOW is all I’ve got to say!

        • OK, now that I’ve gotten over the initial shock, I must ask: What did she do with it? Wiggle it around, use it like one of those fluorescent thingies, have Jackson sign it?

          • HA! Oh god, I hope she had Jackson sign it…

            Yeah, she basically wiggled it around for all to see. And touch. I’m getting creeped out again talking about this. I’m sorry I brought it up. *cringe!*

          • That is such an awful visual! Maybe she thought they could use it as some kind of instrument?

          • In substitution for a drum stick? Or guitar pick?

          • I had heard that the band members all like to switch around their instruments…

    • WHAT?! Someone brought ‘The Vamp’ out of the bedroom? That is so wrong. SO WRONG! I really hope it was new. Brand new.

      • It was ALL kinds of wrong. It wasn’t as big as I thought it would be either…

        • I love this. Too funny.

        • TWSS? They’re never as big as you’re led to believe.

  16. DUDE! That’s a dude ….with CULLEN tattooed on his fingers. WRONG …on sooo many levels.

  17. So, if I were to slip and admit to having an Eric Yorkie tattoo on my butt, you would make fun of it? Hypothetical situation of course.

    • …so we have matching tatts? We MUST get together for drinks and photos!

    • You have “the Chon” on your ass!?? I am impressed.

  18. There are no words.

  19. Those eyes on that “lady’s” back are particularly creepo. Can you imagine if her husband likes to…nevermind. I just threw up.

    • She can now credibly yell “I have eyes on my back!!” to her kids, though.

      • HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH O M G…thank you for the good laugh. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you! I needed a good and hard (TWSS) laugh xxx

    • U ok superhumanmoron? did u get affected by flood?

      • We are perfectly fine here, thank goodness! How about you?

  20. A Santa Claus hat over my buttcrack = Buttcrack Santa.

    • WIN!

    • PERFECT!

  21. Umm…………. wow!

    I’m getting “Renesmee Carlie Cullen” tattooed over my heart.

    I’m thinking a version of Mount Rushmore with the 4 directors: Hardi, Weitz, Slade, Condon and SMeyer on the end. Totally normal, no?

    ROFLMAO

  22. Well, I too, have Eric Yorkie tattooed on my ass, but you know how hard it is to get portraits right, I’m not sure they truly captured the glossy sheen of his hair properly…..

  23. My fav is the last one with Edward’s eyes. Ohh man I love it! Although I like the pre-amble length one, I don’t know if she’s going to like it when she’s 60 & the first sentence is near her butt crack.

  24. Is it sad that the tulip out the armpit is the most tasteful of all of these tatts. I am thinking that before I get any “Twilight” tatts I will be consulting Hunterhunting.

    I am thinking a Taycob pic with a mullet is the way to go.

    Thanks for the Monday funnies Moon! You always make Monday better! Even if my hope in humanity is a bit ruined. At least I can laugh at it.

    • Tattward reference ftw!

  25. Pretty sure I am one of the 2390492034 emailers…
    *for shame* ;)

  26. Moon, that Mt Rushmore idea is a must-do. j/s

  27. It’s posts like these that remind me I’m normal. To each their own, but WOW!

    I’m waiting to see a full body tatoo on a unicorn of Edward’s tweed suit from the New Moon movie. I’d pay to see that.

    • I think I would pay to see that too. After that tattoo, he’d be a enuchorn, whether he wanted to or not.

    • TJ, I’m disappointed that you didn’t come up with the idea I had 2 seconds before I read your comment. Namely: a 1/4 body tatoo of JORTS!!

      • Button or zip fly Jorts? I’m trying to work out which would be less painful because obvs I’m straight out for one of these tomorrow!

        • I think buttons, then you could get each button emblazoned with a little portrait of each of the wolfpack.

          This however may up the pain level.

          • that’s sheer brilliance.

          • Yes, utter brilliance.

          • Aw shucks *shuffles feet*

  28. I think I’ll get a sleeve tat that is just a cloud of thick purple smoke. That way it’s not SO obvious that it’s twilight… and it’s cool ;)

    • Would that not just look like a large port wine birth mark?

    • That sounds like a Lost tattoo.

  29. I’m getting Charlie’s copstache tattooed on my face, Edward’s wonky nipple on my chest, Jacob’s abs on my belly, Bella’s ugly engagement ring on my finger, and some peach cobbler on my tounge – Cora, we love you, girl!!!!!!!!!

    • I’m trying to imagine getting a tongue tattoo, but the thought is equally as painful as it is disgusting I’m having a hard time forcing myself to do it.

      The copstache though… You’ll get all the ladies!

    • And just for that Deej I’m flying over to hold your hand down at the Parlour while you have those beauties done.

      I was considering having six more nipples tattoed down my torso, then I can be a real Alpha Bitch…

      • Oh, & can we have matching Bella’s engagement rings done on our ring fingers? Pleeeeease?

        • AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes – done and done! We will make this happen, but then you will have to explain to your youth group that I’m not your secret lesbian lover, I’m just your jorts loving Twi-friend.

      • And add this to the list – Alpha Bitch Nipple Temporary Tattoos. We should sell them 3 to a pack as to increase our profit margin….

  30. I feel about needles the same way Bella feels about cold, wet things. Otherwise, I’d be all over that “moonless night” quote. Not.

    • When you see a needle you blink and stutter?

      • omg, how did you know?

      • That entire scene with Bella makes me sooo second hand embarassed. & then her hospital scene makes me want to cry/vomit simultaneously.

  31. I don’t know about you, but I want one on my thigh/hip that says “Hitch This”

    • WIN!

      • Lol :)

        It goes well with my leg hitch obsession don’t ya think? ;)

  32. So are we talking strictly tattoos here, or are other forms of body modification acceptable?

    If so, I’d go the scarring route and totes have a bite mark on my hand/wrist.

    • Oooh… now that’s interesting! I wonder if there’s a way you could make it remain colder than the rest of your skin…

      • And sparkle in the sun!

        • Now THIS has got me thinking.

          Full body tat of just random spots using UV ink. It wouldn’t sparkle in the sun, but under a black light, it would be interesting…

          Or just some random sparklies somewhere on your or your man’s body. Sparklepeen takes on a whole new meaning, lolz.

  33. I have a Twilight tattoo and I love it! It’s not the whole 3 chapter of New Moon or a crap version of RPattz eyes starring back at you. It’s just the words “frequently dazzled” with an apply and some “sparkles”…my tattoo guy is the shiz and he totally pimped it out for me.

  34. An APPLE…not an apply. I swear I know how to spell.

  35. Sooo…somewhat off-topic question.
    Does anyone know of any good tattoo shops in the southeast Phoenix (AZ) area?

    • You live in AZ!!!?? I don’t know any tattoo shops, but I am just happy to see someone on here from AZ too!

      • I am totally Bella-ing in in Phoenix! Woohhooo

        Well not technically phoenix. More like Queen Creek (aka butt fuck egypt)

        • I am in Casa Grande (aka the other cheek of BFE)

          When are we getting together for tequila shots!? I am too excited to find another Arizonian that is on LTT! Steph Meyers won’t return my calls so…jk I am serious about the tequila though!

          • Ohh man this is fantastic!!! I don’t really know anyone in AZ since I just moved here from CA (Who am I kidding? I’ve actually lived here for 2 years but apparently no one in AZ likes Twilight so I’m friend-less & I’m totally blaming Twilight for my friendless-ness, not my inability to be outgoing and/or polite)
            So I guess I technically live in San Tan Valley as of ….well…I’m not sure really. WHERE DO I LIVE!?!? Stupid Queen Creek-ians wanting their separate post offices.

  36. So, yesterday after I googled “Breaking Dawn” even though y’all told me not to, I went ahead and googled “Twilight tattoos”. Cause, you know, after you see your fair share of creepy pregnant KStew pics, the next step is crazy Twihards with their crazy tattoos. It is like you all are reading my mind. Or my browser history…

    Oh, and none of those people are getting a date ever again. Just sayin.

    • I was wondering if maybe some of the ‘artists’ from yesterday maybe moonlighted as Tattoo artists in their spare time…some of that work looks SO familiar…

  37. omfj. Hot ass mullet and a wonk eye.

    This is why I wish I had internet access at work- I really could have used that this morning.

    • The girl in the first photo looks a little too happy to be stuck sleeping in a lawn chair inside the bathroom at a bus station. Where IS she?

      And I’d have liked to see the book upside down or her arm the right way.

      • That made me pee my pants.

        She must be waiting for the bus that goes to the twi-convention.

      • I sincerely hope (?) that she is waiting in line for some Twi-function. Otherwise, to have the book and t-shirt with you at all times?….

  38. The guy with Cullen on his fingers is a “unicorn” yes or no?

    • I’ve been thinking…do we want him to be a unicorn? I mean I love the unicorns, but a Twilight tattoo on a dude….I don’t know.

  39. I get creeped out by the ones that purposefully look bloody (search for “twilight tattoos”).

  40. OK, I’m NEVER getting a Twilight tattoo but if I did (and I fully expect someone to stop me before I do), I’d sooooo get the tent scene on my back. Jacob, Bella & Edward in a kinky threesome for eternity!!

  41. ahahaha moon u rule, and commenters – thank you for once again restoring my faith in lady-kind and snark and sarcasm – all antidotes to the vomit-comet that Twi-tats are.
    Go hyphens!

    I always said if I wasn’t willing to get TANSTAAFL tattooed on me in a visible place like my forehead, then looking to books (or movies, or XBox games…) for tattoo ideas is just EPIC FAIL.
    And sorry, SMeyer, but R.A. Heinlein would kick your ass. And the film version of Starship Troopers was soooooo much worse than Twilight – it breaks my heart anew every time I think of it *sob*

    I vote for Moon to get this tattooed over her boobs: I swear I will never Google ‘Twilight Fan Art’ at work again. Ever.

  42. You know the naughty girl in the lace panties has that picture on her ” Adult Friend Finder ” account which is listed under Fetishes/ TwiHards section LMFAO!

  43. Am I the only one who thought the first one was not that bad? Come on, it’s a flower that’s all..with a little blood dripping…still it’s not something you’d find over at POWalmart. Incidently I agree, that POW lady’s eye tat is actually well done. Creepy, yes, bad tattooing skills, NO.

    • Actually, the eye one was the only one I thought was kind of cool. I wouldn’t get it myself, but it was original I thought, and decent tattoo-ing skills

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