Breaking Down the Eclipse Trailer – It’s the Circle of Life and a Rave all wrapped up in a wig

Dear UC,

Yes, I’m writing you about the Eclipse trailer that premiered on Oprah on Friday. Since you’re outta the country without a lifeline internet connection, I am by myself! Who am I supposed to talk to about the trailer? I feel like I’m all alone! Ok, maybe not we have a billion friends and blog readers, but still it’s just not the same! I feel like I’m cheating. I keep looking over my shoulder because I think you’re gonna walk in and catch me breaking it down with someone else. Well, I did and it was goooood. It wasn’t you and me but it was gooooood. And so is the trailer. There’s lots to discuss. The ring, The Riley, The Circle of Life… LET’S DO THIS!!!!

Moon: Brookie, we need to break down this trailer PRONTO! UC has gone south of the border, Calli is drunker than Cathi Hardwicke at TGIFriday’s all you can drink Cinco De Mayo celebration and The Font won’t answer my calls. It’s just you and me girl. You, me and some questionable hairlines.

Brooke: lemme watch again I love how the trailer starts off with Bella wearing a hoodie like it isn’t already the 800 pound gorilla in the room let’s hide the hideous wig under a hoodie. NO ONE will notice
Moon
: HAHAHAHAAH exactly its so obvious they tightened the shot to keep her hairline out of like 3/4ths of the shots in the trailer. COME ON!

Brooke: I also don’t get who in the make up department has it out for rob

Dude, tell me before she shows up... do I look like Caspar?

Brooke: he’s a funking gorgeous guy and yet he looks closer to Ronald McDonald than Edward Cullen
Moon
: some poor girl who thought he turned her down during the filming of twilight and it just turns out he was so embarrassed he was mumbling
Brooke: hahaha, he probably proposed and she took it seriously she probably breaks make up brushes every time she has to do K’s makeup
Moon: Wouldn’t you?

Follow the cut to feast on some Riley, talk about Ronald McDonald and Raves


Brooke
: Riley is FIIIIINE
Moon
: riley!!!!!

Brooke: see proof that someone hates rob  Riley doesn’t not look like a fast food clown
Moon: he can enunciate clearly when the make up artist asked him out and he said YES and he paid! he KNOWS!
Brooke: yes! enunciation is key to non-pancake make up and not being awkward and asking your makeup artist to marry you and then forget you said it an hour later
Moon: or buying underwear with your male bff but ya know whatever
Brooke: please go look at 41 seconds in. first – YAY graduation party

Moon: the party and the hairline
Brooke: second – the hair! OMG. SOOO BAD.
Moon: its like a rave
Brooke: yes, when rolling you don’t worry about your hair it’s all about the beat and things feeling good
Moon: and alice is saying the wig police are crashing the party to haul her in for crimes against normal hairlines
Brooke: the large jean shirt? is hiding her rave outfit Ah hem, alice is one to talk… I saw the bump-it wig

Moon: the choker! she added a candy necklace and pacifier for the rave

Guys does this hair make me look like a fast food clown?

Moon: and then next is car lisle who just continues on the bad wig train the only people NOT touched by bad hair is rob, taylor and xaiver

Brooke: OMG he does look like ronald… the hair lemme find a pic
Moon: nice boobs, but its so a comb back
Brooke: yes, sigh… okay back to the matter at hand.. bad bad bad wigs I don’t know what it is, but Jacob seems younger than NM Maybe because the make up makes everyone else seem older and the bad wig she seems out of place
*long silence*
Moon: sorry my ramen was ready. (single girls HOLLLAAA!!)
Brooke
: OOOOH Rob’s hair at 50 seconds in! droopy! where’s the bouffant?!?

OMG, this is how I look in these movies? WTF?

Moon: he looks CRAZY at 50 seconds like a pissed off history teacher or maybe he realized the make up artists hates him he saw a mirror
Brooke: yes! caught his reflection… only explanation to be that pissed no one knew why though cause he mumbled
Moon: he’s like AHHH SHIT i said something wrong its like his ruddy/blushed cheeks in Goblet of Fire
it’s cause he didnt bring coffee to the make up artists in the morning like she asked. SCREWED!
Brooke: I bet the cast heard Rob say at this moment, ” mumble mumble mumble LIT-RALLY mumble mumble” i’d cutabitch for not bringing my coffee either
Moon: its like the makeup dept version of using a sharpie on a drunk person they just really over exaggerate one feature and make you look like a freak

*insert Jaws music here*

Brooke: what’s up with the Neo-nazi vamp army?
Moon
: DUDE at least they bathe though can we agree on that?

Brooke: so freaking true
Moon: and the “ring wraiths” music as they get out is a creep sandwich. so you think the smell of the body wash they use in the lake is Mountain Fresh scent? or Old Spice?
Brooke: is this what inspired the man on the horse commercials? smell like a man or a vamp
Moon: look over here, we’re vampires. now over here we’re werewolves. Look down, where are you? In a forest? Now back up we’re at La Push. What’s in your hand? It’s a dream catcher! Back at me it’s an ugly engagement ring, look again the ring is now a motorcycle. Anything is possible when you live in Forks, Washington!

Brooke: OMG, ba! that would be awesome. I will pay you a whole dollar to create that did you notice the guy next to hot Riley when they come out of the water? i want to know him a little better he’s beefy

Ready, set.... HIKE!!

Moon: oh lemme rewind he must’ve played for the forks high school football team he’s defs defensive line material they thought he got drunk and ran away after a crazy High school party. Poor Brett the football player!
Brooke: oh man, I do not need any more reason for Chris Hansen to look Moon up.
Moon: actually victoria showed up and convinced Brett (the football player) to make out in the pool house and he’s a baby vamp now
Brooke: and a reminder to those out there that Taylor is STILL underage in this trailer. wait, forks people have pool houses? I missed this on the tour
Moon: hahahaha well ya know he was a rich kid maybe he bused in from port angeles?

Brooke: oh sad Forks High

It's the circle of LIIIIFEEEE and it moves us all!

Moon: 1:07 WTF is in the middle of the field??a big dumpster?
Brooke: hold on… looking
Moon: a trash heap?
Brooke: not a trash heap…it’s like pride rock from the lion king this would be a great scene for a musical number Alice flipping over the wolf is pretty badass
Moon: carlise runs up there and holds up rensemee after shes born while edward and bella stand in the back looking proud
Brooke: YES! the circle of life… everyone bows the forest animals actual come out and bow
Moon: and little renesmee wiggles around. dang thats alice??
Brooke: yes, I’m pretty sure… will watch again yes, I believe it is alice… good for her. that’s so hard work flying over that imaginary wolf
Moon: and can we talk about jasper FINALLY looks more decent

Brooke: his “hair” actually moves in the wind. upgrade!

THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!!! I mean uh... down with you mean vamps

Moon: he doesnt look like a weekend civil war re-enactor anymore
Brooke: he brought the coffee in the morning to the make up ladies. smart man
Moon: amen we all know Jackson has the good stuff maybe he brought some edibles w/ the coffee
Brooke: Heh…well he supplies the rave later
Brooke: dude, did you skip the ring?
Moon: HOT hahaha WE DID
Brooke: you just went and ignored it
Moon: damn we’ll go back no maybe its at the end i have blocked the ring its THAT awful
Brooke: you just totally ignored all 2 seconds of that god awful hideous SM has bad taste ring

it’s at 1:13 so you can get a good look there’s actually a lot in that shot… you see the crescent scar, the charm bracelet that jake gives her (but the charms are out of the shot) and the “vintage” ring

I pledge my undying love to you with this cracker jack prize

Moon: oh lemme go back. good lord its like HUGE costume jewelry your grandma wears YUCK edwards got better taste than that or at least alice does
Brooke: but SM doesn’t, sadly

Wait a second Bella, I'm a teenage boy!

Brooke: and tell me it doesn’t look like Taycob is rubbing one out (it’s 1:15/1:16)
Moon
: I GOT IT!ok 115 he’s PISSED  he looks like HULK SMASH TAYCOB ANGRY TAYCOB SMASH

Brooke: yes, in motion it looks like that but still frame… he’s a man on a mission btw bahahah TAYCOB FIGHT FOR BELLA
Moon: and then his pants rip off it all makes sense now
Brooke: you are so right

You just can't... I can't don't ever le- you kiss-kiss-kissed me, wait I I I I kissed you! DONT ever let me do that again! You can- uh a i

Moon: what so we wanna bet 118-121 is from THE KISS between Jasob and Bella or her telling him off
Brooke: ooh, you are right cause it’s snowy out so that’s him saying that he doesn’t have anything to live for
Moon: it HAS to be and shes all out of breath
Brooke: and she’s shivering  Dick Move JAKE
Moon: and another bad hairline
Brooke: bad hairline and his hair is a bit Poofy
Moon: the snow at 124ish looks SOOO fake if its so cold outside why in the HALE is she wearing a little flannel?

I thought things were supposed to get smaller in the cold?

Brooke: 124 also has a nice shot of K’s nostrils RIGHT, where’s her coat?
Moon: were edward and jacob too busy having a pissing contest to worry about weather conditions?
Brooke: and did they really not have time to run down the outfitters and pick up some thermals?

NO not my hair! Grab it before it gets away!

Brooke: 131, is that Carlisle in the bad blond wig being thrown? I’m so confused

Moon: yes the wig flew off his head it couldnt be attached to him any longer it had to fly free after all it’s like the old saying: “if you let it go and it comes back to you then it was meant to be.” he’s testing the wig
Brooke: you are a wise sage words to live by also kinda what Edwards does with Bella… in Eclipse… he lets her have some 108 degree make out sessions with the wolf boy and she comes back.
Moon: It’s Edward. It was never a competition.

So UC, what do you think? I gotta say at the end I forgot who Bella, Edward and Jacob even were. WHERE are they? Will there be another trailer that actually touches on the love triangle that this book is based on? Don’t get me wrong I love the action and the Riley and the fighting but where the crap was the Holy Trinity besides rubbing it out or looking pissed off? Time shall tell…

COME BACK UC!
Themoonisdown

A huge thanks to Brooke for filling in with the hilarity while UC is off relaxing and maxing!

So your thoughts? What stuck out to you? The hair? The action? Taylor gettin’ busy in the garage? Let’s share shall we?!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

*A Reminder: UC is off in Mexico for the week so it’s just me, Moon at the wheel. Comment mods/email/tweets may be slower than normal because I’m a single parent blogger this week, but don’t worried I will see it/read it/tweet it/moderate it. Patience is a virtue!*

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155 Responses

  1. I’m SOOO glad you broke it down! I thought you might wait for UC to come back and I COULDN’T WAIT THAT LONG.

    • Agree! I had my fingers crossed for a breakdown today too!

  2. You did not break down how Edward pushes down the tree with Victoria in it? At the risk of sounding like a hormonal 15-year old, how efhawt was that? I must have replayed those exact 5 second a million times yesterday.

    “Edward an Bella, pushing down a tree…” Oh wait, what? (yeah… forget 15, i’m 5)

    • Oh yes thank you for mentioning that. The ladies at eclipsemovie.org call it ‘Edward Treebanger’…Trust Rob to make something as dull as knocking down a tree hot…*fans herself*

      Secret: I may or may not have that gif saved somewhere in my laptop….

    • I loved the idea of this, but I thought it looked really strange. Is it just me?

      • Not just you. I thought it looked strange too. But not as strange (read: lame-o) as the speedy vamp running right before that part.

        • OMG finally someone mentions the ‘speedy vamp running’..lol….I totally laughed during that part where the Cullens, the wolves and the newborns come running towards each other and then Jackson’s ‘fierce’ expression….

    • Where’s Edward Treebanger?? :D
      Moon, you leave out the best part of trailer .

      • That sound like it could be used as Edward’s porn name. Just sayin…

    • In the real chat, Moon mentions how hot it is, but then I yell at her cause she just went and skipped over the awful ring. I guess she edited herself out.

      But that was pretty effing kickass. Go ROBWARD. Push that tree!

    • Treebanger is the *adult* version of a treehugger.

      • A hundred thumbs-up for that, SWD!

      • genius.

  3. “I pledge my undying love to you with this cracker jack prize”
    TOTAL WIN!

    Finally, you guys broke down the trailer. (miss you UC!) I have to mention Rob’s make-up? WTF is UP with that? I do miss the bouffant (sp?) and the pancake-makeup seems as bad as it was in New Moon. And I thought I was done cringing while looking at his pale face as he proposed during the final scene in NM? Summit’s make-up department definitely has something against Rob…He’s one of the most gorgeous men around…why is Taycob looking better than him? Not fair…

    Let’s talk wigs. Honestly, Bella’s wig isn’t bothering me as much as Jasper and Victoria’s ones are. I mean the hairline is obvious but other than that, it looks fine, at least better than the Jacob wig.

    I totes LOL-ed (hi I’m 12) at Jasper’s teeth-baring fierce expression…muhahaha…and his wig is just soo bad..

    BDH seems like a sweet person in RL but as Victoria she’s rather tame and not scary at all. You might laugh at me but I thought Rachelle’s Victoria was real scary and bada**! I miss Rachelle…:(

    Carlisle’s buoffant shall remain unmentioned….BUT we have to talk about that accent. “Someone’s building an army..” Why, Carlisle, after staying in the states for decades, now you picked up the accent from your mother land?

    As for the ring…I hate to admit that they’ve stayed as true to the book as possible but it isn’t poor Summit’s (haha..) fault that SM has such bad taste (remember white sleeveless button-down for Edward? Oh the horror..)

    All in all, I have to say I’m pretty impressed with the trailer. Sure they didn’t show the holy trinity much, but I’m hoping the so-called ‘action’ packed scenes don’t overshadow the E/B moments….I really liked the icy-blue look of the film and the beautiful landscapes DS captured and also the Seattle (or Vancouver) skyline…it’s refreshing to watch someplace other than Forks or LaPush in a Twilight movie. Watching the Eclipse trailer was watching your kid grow…look how far out indie-little craptastic film has come? *sniff*

    Lastly, oh Riley, Riley..who knew you could be so pretty? Can I say that you might give *gasp* Rob and Taylor a run for their money? I kid, I kid but we surely will be watching you with more interest now that we know how hot you are…;)

    P.S Ladies, check this out —-> http://jezebel.com/5523146/translating-the-twilight-eclipse-trailer/gallery/?skyline=true&s=i

    • omg, i totally miss the bouffant!

    • Holy Jeebus that’s a LONG (TWSS) post…clearly I have no life…

    • “look how far out indie-little craptastic film has come?”

      HAHA! You crack me up.

      Plus that link is FULL OF WIN!

    • That link is great.
      Thanks

    • Do you think they can fix the weird Robward makeup with a little CGI magic, and they’re giving us an un-fixed version in the trailer? Is Rob just getting too old and all that smoking is finally showing with all the llittle lines on his face, and it’s accentuated by the pancake makeup like your grandmother used to have with that problem, the vertical lip lines and frown lines starting to look like ancient dried up canyons on Mars? Someone please find a new hair and makeup person for BD, please, please!

      • I watched Twilight again this weekend (yeah for the 50 millionth time), and as much as we criticise Cathi… the makeup on Edward is so beautiful – translucent… and I love the detail that when he is inside at night, he doesn’t look as pale, because he’s getting a reflected warm glow from the lamplight – like in the restaurant and Bella’s room. They should have kept doing that instead of the stupid all pancake all the time!!!

        • haha your username is hilarious…especially if you imagine Rob saying ‘apotampkin’….bahahahaha…

          • which I ALWAYS do! (that’s normal)

    • ThANK YOU for the comment on Carlisle’s accent, WTF is up with that???

  4. one: ever since this trailer came out, i’ve started calling the ring as the ‘armadillo ring’. coz for some reason, it reminds me of one.

    and two: is it just me or does carlisle look a little over 40? isn’t he supposed to be 24? bring back twilight carlisle!

    • I wasn’t even sure that was the ring. It is approximately the size of her hand, and I thought it was a random piece of jewelry. I want to see what it looks like on her, but until then “armadillo ring” it is!

      • It’s pretty bad. You can see it super briefly towards the beginning of the first trailer while they’re in the meadow.

  5. “I also don’t get who in the make up department has it out for rob”
    Brooke you hit the nail on the head, someone so has it out for him!! I know he hated the bouffant in Twilight, but he looked so good!!!

    • It’s not “who has it out for Rob” but who hasn’t. It’s obvious David Slade likes Xavier. If I didn’t know better I might have thought he was THE star of the Eclipse.

      Cathy H really really liked Rob and made sure he was hot as Edward. And Chris Weitz didn’t care and Rob was a grandpa.

      • It’s these male directors I’m sure! They seem to have lost the fact that the whole series of books about a girl desperately in love with a boy who she believes is the most perfect man in the world. So much so that she’s constantly trying to give up her life for him.

        A woman gets that… the men just don’t. That’s why Twilight movie will always be better even though the special effects are crap. It’s not about the effects, it’s about worshipping Edward. (Also I reckon the male directors are just jealous of Edward!!)

        Please get a female director for BD!!!!

  6. I think one of the better parts that actually show Edward is different is when he pushes the tree down at the end. He talks about how he could really hurt Bella but have only seen glimpses of the strength. The van. When he pushes her. And when he breaks the candy phone.

    I have to admit. I realize the love story portion of the series is wasted on me. I totally dig the action. Give me the creepy coming out of the water music!!! And give me badass Riley!

    • AGREED! I felt totally in the minority for wanting some seriously brutal action from this movie. When you read this story, the scene involved Edward, Riley, Victoria, and Seth feels pretty brutal (to me, anyway). Steph describes Riley’s (now super hot) limbs being tossed all over the place and Victoria being ripped apart by Edward; he’s worried that he’s terrified Bella by the violence. Love it.

      • and speaking of seth, why wasn’t booboo in the trailer?? (not that i care.)

        • Obvs.

        • There’s a glimpse of BooBoo in wolf-form in the treebanging scene. Of course, I know this because I’ve seen the treebanging part a million times. Clearly I have no life. But whatev, Edward Treebanger is hot.

          • I decided that I like Edward Treebanger and will not make it part of my vocabulary.

          • Whenever I read “Edward Treebanger” I keep picturing something completely different than what’s in the trailer…

          • I think there’s some Edward Treebanging in LolaShoes’ Let Your Light Shine. Or is it A Life Extraordinary? I could be wrong though.

          • You are right, there is some treebanging in ALE…that’s funny.

          • Yes its the first thing that sprang to mind when I saw that bit!!!

          • There’s some Edward Treebanging in Wide Awake too!!

        • Now that you’ve mentioned Seth, I wonder, where’s Team Seth?

          • Busy workday. Project due out by 4 when the UPS guy comes. Fun times. So now I’m on “lunch break” (yeah, at 4:15)

        • Where’s BooBoo? I care.

    • I’m so glad that all we’ve got of E/B moments is stills… Clearly they keeping some mystery for the movie itself unlike NM.

    • I agree, I like this action trailer so much. The love story I want to be kept secret from me, so I am all “surprised” by how awesome it is in the movie.

      Please don’t let me see half the movie like I did with NM, Summit. Thank you for hiding something.

  7. I loved the trailer, but I’m with you on the make up department. Zac Efron must be paying off Rob’s make up artist so he can be number 1 again (shudder). Rob’s make up is so bad.

    I swear to baby Jesus that I could do better in 15 minutes with some Covergirl.

    P.S. Thank you casting person for Riley. He’s pretty.

  8. I had to go back and pause it too stare at the ring. I thought Edward was giving Bella her own Cullen crest or something!

    I literally had to stare at it while it was paused in the shot before realizing that “thing” that I’d thought was actually supposed to be the ring. I’m like “no way that was so ugly and not what I’d pictured at all!”

    • “I though Edward was giving Bella her own Cullen crest or something!” – WIN!

      Now you’ve made me wonder whether Bella will get a Cullen crest in BD.

      • You make the Cullen Crest sound like something dirty!

        I like it. ;)

        • So many possibilities… if Alice wanted to pull a prank on Bella, she could shave a certain hairy part (ahem) into a Cullen crest. And after the transformation, it cannot grow back to normal.

          i’m undecided whether my mind is sick or pervy. Or both. But I WOULD pull the best vampire pranks. Ha!

          • Alice would totally do that! She manages to shoo the guys out of the room to get the silk cocktail dress and stilettoes on Bella before she wakes up, and she could have brought a razor and done a little creative depilation with no one the wiser!

          • *Snicker* you guys are hilarious….and you know it would be the most intricate shave job anyone has ever seen.

            And I hope Alice thinks to shave Bella’s legs and underarms while she’s at it. Don’t want her prickly for all eternity. :)

    • I just read a post that SM collaborated with a Jewelry company to create Bella’s ring as merchandising. The RL version isn’t quite as fugly as the trailer version, but I’m still hoping it was a joke post.

    • It looks like marcasite from 1986.

    • It is horrible but unfortunately JUST as I imagined it, I hated the description of it in Eclipse… just how the hell is that meant to fit alongside a wedding ring?! I mentally changed the look of the ring in my head throughout the book after that!

    • The ring’s not how I pictured it either. But then I was a little more into the scene at hand than the ring description… like this sleeveless shirt that Edward apparently wore. I don’t even know what book that’s from. I guess I just blur over the ugly?

  9. The IMAX thrills and terrifies me. Edward that large? Yay!! But what will the makeup look like so up close? Hmm.

    • makes me terrified for Breaking Dawn in 3D..

    • I’ve never seen an IMAX movie before and the closest decent one is about 2.5 hours away. I’ll need recommendations on if I should go see it in IMAX.

  10. I think I must have pissed of uc and/or moon. I still can’t “up thumb” comments. Or is there some limit or something? Am I only allowed to rate so many comments a month and I’ve maxed out my ration?

    *sigh*

    I guess I’ll haver to be more judicious in my thumbing when I’m granted thumbing privileges again.

    • I’ve got some left, so I thumbs-upped you!

    • SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEriously, what the EFFFFF is wrong with the makeup? I suffered thru Melissa Ethridge on Oprah to watch this trailer, and Mr LPB was in the room, here is what he said: “That looks pretty good” and ” What the hell is wrong with your boyfriend’s face? It looks like he fell in the flour bin”

      Yes, a DUDE with no makeup artistry experience was able to tell this from the 30 seconds Edward was on screen.

      In the books she talks about how pale they are in a beautiful way, not in a creepy dead way! Is it that there is no way to make Rob look better? Maybe they should just go with his regular pale skin. I cannot understand how it is possible to de-hot this man.

      Hrmph.

      • Sorry this comment sidled up to your comment, J. E. W., I meant for it to be in the main body of the comments. oh Monday, bring me more coffee, please!

        • BWahahah, just realized that her name is… J.E.W! Win!

          And I agree with your rant.

          • I know! I was going to just write “JEW” but it looked weird, so I added the periods.I like abbreviating names, ’cause I’m lazy like that….

            lpb

            PS, Glad you agree Ms BL!

        • Lol, no problem with this comment here. It makes me feel better about all my comment fails from commenting wrong things b/c of my memory fails, to accidentally down thumbing, to my constant typos that are half my fault and half my phone’s swype feature guessing the wrong word and I don’t realize it… to so many things I fail at All. The. Time. :)

          Oh and to apparently choose a name that while true (I am married to a guy named Jacob Edward), abbreviates as jew. LOL Great. I guess I should’ve picked MrsJacobEdward or something.

          • Am I the only one who thought Jimmy Eat World? Hmmm…I should probably worry about that…

          • You are married to a guy called jacob Edward!!!?? omg, I thought you just couldn’t decide what ‘team’ you were on so you were saying “Team Anyone” haha!! That is so great. Love it.

          • @lpb
            Yeah I’ve mentioned it a couple times that my husband’s name is actually Jacob Edward.

            The funny thing is I actually crinkled my nose at it when I first found out his middle name over a dozen years ago when we started dating. But then started to like it and occasionally started calling him Jacob Edward and found it was fun to say.

            Then less than 2 yrs ago I read to twi books and was like “really?” I thought it was awesome. I told him “honey the two main guys in these books are Edward and Jacob… Is like I’m reading about you and you!” trying to ease his saltyness about my not being able to put the books down the first time I read them. My husband, didn’t think it was so great and is still a bit salty about my love of twi. :)

            Oh well, he can’t change the fact his name reminds me of twilight all.the.time. :) I could never thank stephenie enough for her choosing those names. lol

      • Agreed! (I love when husbands call Rob their wives’ boyfriend. :) )

        It looks like they go to Jacksonville so Edward should find a very secluded spot on the beach and do some tanning. Ashley Greene’s from there. She should know some good spots where no one will see the sparkling.

      • Oh and -lol- my husband calls Rob my boyfriend too.

        He hasn’t seen the new trailer but I thought it looked like a guy might consider seeing.

        I thought the shots of edward were bad too because of the makeup. And thought jacob looked hot. I’m like “what the eff is wrong with me? I’m a true blue Edward girl, i can’t think Edward liked terrible and Jacob looked hawt strutting along in that tight, black shirt. No!” What did makeup people do to Robward?!?

      • Aw, Mr. LPB calls Rob your boyfriend? Sweet…

        “It looks like he fell in the flour bin….”
        I just imagined this scenario with Rob…..hahahaha..

        • It’s easy to imagine with the falling through the window scene in Remember Me!

  11. Bahahahah! Love. And this? “mumble mumble mumble LIT-RALLY mumble mumble” is the perfect Rob impression. Well, add in “uh… idunno” and it’d be perfect. Or “undahpants”.

    So, I liked the trailer. And I’m so rooting for little David. I heart him. Don’tjudgeme! I liked the look of the newborns, too. For now. So help me if they don’t get more badass than this…

    Holy hell, Riley! nomnomnomnom! I kind of wish they didn’t kill him off so soon now (spoiler?? sorry).

    And the ring… Sigh. I’m the proud owner of a 1920′s ring and let me tell you… I love it even more now because it looks NOTHING like that thing. ugh. The make up and wardrobe department KILL me! Wtf is wrong with you people?? Did you read the books?? Is Summit saving money by hiring 7 year-old girls to take care of this stuff?? Please. Stop. Now.

    • The wig department were obviously responsible for finding the ring.

      • I would donate my ring for the good of the franchise. I assume a lot of women would, as well. Or that’s not normal and no one would.

      • Oh my gosh, I just spit water all over my computer I was laughing so hard. Its very economical to do it that way, may eclipse is going green. Recycled hair… estate jewlery, makes sense right?

        • Maybe Edward stopped at Claires on the way home from hunting that night.

      • I am now wondering if the ring is actually a wig in disguise.

    • It’s hard to find an interview where Rob doesn’t say, “LITERALLY”. We need to find him a new filler word.

      • …suggesting “dude” as a new filler for Rob’s vocab.

        • I’m trying to picture it and I just keep giggling at his accent saying “dude”

          • I’m sure he’d find some “hella” “rad” way to say it in that “wicked” accent.

  12. Dude, tell me before she shows up… do I look like Caspar – LMAO at this !! what is going on with Edward he is PALE not chalky it’s like they haven’t dusted off the excess powder !!!

    And his eyes they look like they might glow in the dark.

    Apart from that can’t wait

    • see,^ “dude” works well for Rob!Yay!

    • His eyes so look glow in the dark! Reminds me of those stars and peace signs that would glow in the dark. I had a whole solar system on my fan back in 7th grade.

  13. Can Stewie act with her mouth close for once. Enough with the dead eye, eyebrow and the open mouthed “awe/terrified/tense” look
    Girl needs to learn moving her facial muscle.
    Thank God for Rob, Riley and Wolf pack . Coz’ they are the only reason for me to watch this.
    Honestly guys, do you think Eclipse will top Harry Potter at Box Office?

    • amen

    • Nope. HP will win. And I am willing to put money on that.

      • I concur. HP has a bigger following. My mom will go see HP, whereas she didn’t even want to watch Twi on DVD after my sister bought it. Seriously, mom, put down the Agatha Christie, there’s more important books to read!

  14. Dear People of LTT,
    I apologize for the lack of punctuation in the post from me. Apparently chat doesn’t translate well to cutting and pasting or Moon is lazy. :-)

    Can’t believe we didn’t talk about Rob and the Tree. Well Moon tried to and I was fixated on the costume jewelry ugly grandma ring.

    Moon, great work with the screen shots.

    MWAH!
    Brooke

    • You can always do part 2 and part 3 when UC returns form Mexico.

  15. I haven’t actually see the trailer yet (out of purity or apathy I haven’t decided), but this was hilarious! I just want to say, Moon, that I <3 you for saying "ring wraiths music." You just reminded me how much more excited I am for the pending The Hobbit movie than Eclipse. I'm such a nerd.

    • Yay! It made me relive the scene on Weathertop.

  16. Ok, so Carlise wig is pretty bad…. but who the hell has the bright orange curly wig in that behind the head shot? Is that supposed to be Jasper? Did he try to save himself from the wig in NM and bleach and perm it himself? Jackson hunny, you cannot perm AND bleach. Must have grabbed the wrong box and it didn’t have enough peroxide to reach the correct level.

    Also “The South Shall Rise Again” made me spit coffee :) mostly because of Jaspers face, but also because the quote from Apu on the Simpsons “The south shall Come Again!” is probably my fav Simpsons quote EVAR!

    • Jasper was having a come to Jesus moment about the South. He went all Steal Magnolias with the do’

  17. I feel as though we can overlook the fugly ring because we have hot-but-not-Twi-hot- Edward back. No grandpa Ed or sleeveless white buttoned down Edward either… Guess we have to choose our battles or we may just have Edward wearing that sleeveless shirt in BD *vomit*

  18. Thanks for the breaking it down!

    I am not sure where to begin (that’s a first) with this trailer. In a nutshell, I am completely underwhelmed. At the risk of being downthumbed, let me just put it all out there. I know that it’s Twilight and it’s going to be just a little cheesy (can people still say that these days? “cheesy”? I am bringing it back from my middle school vocab, apparently) no matter what… but this trailer was just a little on the ridiculous side. The vampire army rising from the water looks like a bad zombie flick. I’m not one for action movies but the action in this looks boring… so cliche. The music was generic action film. Edward and Jacob both look ridiculous and sloppy. The wigs and the wardrobe and makeup and ring….well, you know. Is this really Eclipse or just a bad spoof of it?

    I’ll set aside my negativity (by not watching the trailer again til the film comes out) in hopes that the final movie isn’t this bad and try to ignore the fact that the trailer doesn’t look too promising.

    • I understand what you talking about… I love the Eclipse storyline in terms of the action aspect but that lost shot of all the wolves and the newborns looks a tad ridiculous, a total clusterf*** not at all like I imagined.

      I’ll keep hope alive though! I think Lil’ D will bring it…

    • mmm cheese, is it lunchtime yet?

    • Also, just a little note on the cracker jack ring. I hate to say this because I don’t want to risk sounding like a know-it-all and/or ridiculous Twilight fan, but I was praying they’d change the design from the original “official” Bella’s engagement ring that Twilight Teez released a couple of years ago (I think just before the BD book?) For those who don’t know, this was a site that used to sell “endorsed” Twilight paraphernalia, and apparently they had consulted Stephenie on the design and when people saw what it looked like there was this huge outrage all over the fandom. Looks like we’re on round 2 of the outrage, people still don’t love the design. On a side note I wondered if you could still buy one of those official rings but the site closed down…wonder why. At one point a couple of years ago they were selling outrageously expensive officially endorsed tees and charm bracelets, etc, they even had a pic of SM on the site. Maybe licensing fees got too high now that they’re competing with Walmart and Hot Topic.

  19. Best use of my Monday morning time ever! If I miss my grant deadline today, it will be totally worth it. Love love love the trailer break down and commentary. Thank you!

  20. So in some versions of the trailer when Carlisle says “someone is creating an ahmy” you can see Papa C’s massive bicep. Look at that instead of the hair. #trust

    • Dude his biceps have TRIPLED in size!

    • People were tweeting about Carlisle’s guns, but I didn’t see that anywhere. If you find the version with the gun show, please link it up!

      • Ok, here’s one from http://www.eclipsemovie.org (Look at me Sourcing again!)

        I remember it bigger the first time I saw it (TWSS)

      • Don’t know where that version of the trailer is, but I’m assuming it’s the one that isn’t HD or HQ or IMAX or whatever. Here’s a fuzzy shot: http://thinkingofrob.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/181.jpg

      • Defs buying tickets to that gun show!

        • He reminds me of Patrick Baitman there and I like it a little. (American Psycho anyone?)

          • Oh hell. “Bateman”.

  21. “Rolling with my hooomies.” and the “It Shrink?” Elain on Seinfeld reference on the screen shot pic = My favs.

    Goo Job!

    • nice reference but I was more referring to the fact that “rolling” is a term for when you are high on E.

      However, I’ll take a Clueless reference anytime!

      • Awwww… “Rollin with the homies” from Clueless makes me sad now.

  22. That reference to the Old Spice commercial and the reinvented ad for it made me laugh so hard I sprayed coffee out of my nose. Anything is possible in Forks!

    I also think that the make up/wig dept must work drunk during half of the filming. So the chracters that look normal were just lucky enough to have their scenes on a day when make up/hair/wig were sober, everyone else had their make up/hair/wig done during the Jager Bomb races I imagine they’re having.

    That ring looks like something you put in a quarter toy machine at Wal Mart. Summit must have spent all the money from New Moon on the make up/hair/wig people’s alcohol stash for Eclipse and opted for the cheap Wal Mart toy version of the engagement ring.

    • Old Spice commercial scenario was total genius!

      • ahhh I know that was too funny!!!

    • The people from the make-up and wig department were ‘intoxicated by Edward…err..Rob’s presence’….and were hence drunk…Anyone remember this twilight quote?

      “That ring looks like something you put in a quarter toy machine at Wal Mart. ”
      Bahahaha……

  23. Thank you for breaking it down!!!! (Come back, UC!) I had to wait all weekend, and that was long enough.
    Ok, can I switch to Team Riley? Cause dayyuuummm that boy is hot!!! I also love how you made a new Old Spice commercial in the middle of breaking it down! Those commercials always cracked me up, and your twi-version had me in tears. I hate the ring too, but I read on eclipsemovie.org that SMeyer worked with a jewelry company to design it, so it’s not really Summit’s fault. Also, I agree with Keisha…ignore Carlisle’s bouffant and check out his bicep!! Yummy!

  24. The wig is killing me. I mean, could they not hire the same people that god this actor’s wig? http://www.michaelchall.org/gallery/displayimage.php?pid=30719&fullsize=1
    (he just recovered from cancer and has no hair)
    ($10 to whoever can name the murderer he plays on a tv show..)

    • **got this actor’s wig

      • Dexter

        • and he’s beaten cancer! Yay Michael C Hall

          http://www.hollyscoop.com/michael-c-hall/813.aspx

        • winner!! *hands virtual money*

    • Dexter Morgan!

    • Did I hear right, that Melissa the scriptwriter for the Twilight Saga is also the scriptwriter for Dexter? Where’s the BD script, Melissa, where is it? If I was as late on a project as you seem to be, I would have been fired by now. Hint, hint, Summit.

      • I don’t think they’ve announced BD yet, so she wouldn’t have gotten any money yet to write the script. That said, maybe we want her to be late on it and get fired…

        • I thought the holdup was all about not having a script that Stephenie and whoever else is in charge could agree on? Maybe I’ll cruise by IMDB later and do a little more research . . .

  25. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight, Brooke Lockart. Brooke Lockart said: sometimes I man up and fill in for UC when breaking down the Eclipse Trailer: http://bit.ly/9HdQs4 @letter2twilight [...]

  26. PSA: Don’t read this while at work placing an order with a vendor.

    I pledge my undying love to you with this cracker jack prize

    I couldn’t keep my shit together after I read that. I started cracking up in my vendors ear. Wonder what he thought?

  27. Kabuki Robward makes me sad.

  28. Ok – did anyone else think of that scene in HP Prisoner of Azkaban when Malfoy and his goons all put up their hoods at the same time and are teasing Harry about Dementors when the Volturi all did a synchronized hood-ing?

    • Are the Volturi on a boat? I can’t tell their vantage point.

      • They are going to do a remix of “I’m on a Boat” with Andy Samberg. Laurent replaced T-Pain…

    • Actually, no…I haven’t watched any of the Harry Potter films since…um 2008…a.k.a the time during which Twilight mania swept the nation…(Holy cow..do I sound like ‘The Sun’ or what?)
      #EpicPotterfanfail….

  29. Great breakdown!!

    - Moon, your comparison to Old Spice commercials was hilar!

    - Once again, I will say that the speedy-vampire running a bit before the tree looks really lame to me, but I will hope for the best.

    - Cracker-jack wedding ring, FTW!

    - I take back all my disinterested comments about Riley. Boy is FINE!! (as a vamp at least)

  30. How come no one mentioned Rob’s hands during the ring scene? Can I just say that he has one of the most beautiful hands for a man, like EVER? Check out those nicely shaped fingernails…FINGERNAILS (said in Juno’s voice) and the smooth fingers…*stares off in space*… Ah. Rob…he’s like the epitome of perfection…

  31. altho I agree I’m a little sad there wasn’t much focus on the love triangle, the BF says he might actually go see and LIKE this one due to the action.

    and by LIKE i mean he will tolerate it more. haha

  32. I love this trailer! Seriously, it promises so much win on the big screen. I love the faux zombie look.

    And I ultra loved your quips about Jacob – let’s face it Jacob’s besetting sin has to be self-love…All that extra testosterone to mature that fast physically, all that love, all that frustration…I’m suprised his biceps aren’t twice the size. Or just one if he’s not an equal opportunity w*nker.
    And, just for you, DJ, do you think he has to have a crafty one before getting in the sleeping bag with Bella in case of accidental nocturnal emissions which blast her through the side of the tent/drown her? The howling outside was supposed to be him calling Seth. Was he multitasking?
    I’m now off to wash out my tiny mind.

    • P.S. The Font not answering your calls? He’s just playing hard to get :)

    • HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! Awesome. Yes, yes he does. Talk about letting the wolf out of the (sleeping) bag!

      Don’t wash out that mind – it’s key to our financial success! Not to mention happiness.

      And I am excited for Eclipse, too – after watching the trailer for the first time, I literally raised my arms above my head, my hands in fists, and did double fist-pumps of glee for about a full minute!

      • Lolz, I love this visual image of your glee, if for no other reason than to know that I’m not the only one who does that when excited about a movie.

        • You are SO not alone!!!!!!!!!! I felt like I had just won the Joy Olympics!

          PS I may or may not also do this in theaters, so sorry to people who sit behind me…

    • OME, I should probably be slightly disgusted at your Jacob description, but it was just too funny!!!

    • EMJ, did you say you were a church guidance counselor? I might have actually attended church if there were more like you around.

      • *hangs head in shame* Yes, it’s true I’m a Church Youth Worker…but I’m also a Youth Work Professional at my day job…I do loads of sex ed etc so have become very straightforward about these things…um, sex is good, & very funny, & that can be said within the faith. Truth.

        However I now have to confess to Moon that I’ll have to bring this up at my prayer triplet to my accountability partners. Also truth.

  33. Epic breakdown, ladies! For me, the trailer was all about the wig fail. We already knew KStew was going to have probs, but did they have to take down PFach too? It’s like he’s got a bump-it on under that thing, so terrible.

    Another commenter said this already, but I, too, am missing Rachelle as Victoria. She was badass and scary! Remember all the scheduling issues cited as part of the reason why Rachelle was fired? The other day I read that the big fight scene between Edward and Victoria was shot towards the end of the filming. Scheduling problems, huh?
    <3 your Old Spice reference!

    • I don’t believe the “scheduling conflicts” excuse either….I wonder what really happened.

      I miss Rachelle as Victoria, too! After Rachelle/Victoria’s epic chase through the woods scene in New Moon (one of my favorite of the movie — and best incorporation of a soundtrack song), it’s hard to see Bryce as Victoria!

      • True story – the first time I saw the movie, that chase scene made me tear up. It’s definitely the best incorporation of a soundtrack song with Lykke Li/the months scene being a close second.

  34. I’m very happy about Riley casting. But I think back in the day when my sister first started her blog and broke down the new cast members from Eclipse there was a general agreement that Riley and the dude who plays Rosalie’s fiance/attempted murderer were quite attractive.

    This makes me wonder if the third trailer will cover the vamps’ backstories. I REALLY REALLY hope we get to see Emmett get mauled by a bear. Just so we can all yell out, “They’re NOT bears!” and the rest of the theater go, “?”

    I need to go home and sleep.

    • Sorry to say this TS *cue sad panda face* but this is the ‘final’ eclipse trailer…*sob*

  35. Don’t hate me, I love the ring. It’s not flashy and huge and Bella would love that, being the silly “I have nothing to give back to you and I don’t want presents” girl that she is!

  36. [...] Breaking Down the Eclipse Trailer – It’s the Circle of Life and a Rave all wrapped up i… Dear UC, Yes, I’m writing you about the Eclipse trailer that premiered on Oprah on Friday. Since you’re [...] [...]

  37. What’s up with the bags under Edward’s eyes?

    Rob, I love you, but maybe you need to put down the beer and guitar and get to bed a bit earlier…or somebody get the boy some cold cucumbers!

  38. Ok, I guess his undereyes mostly look bad in the first outdoor scene…I’ll place some blame on the makeup artist.

    Hair is terrible for most of them. How can they still be getting this wrong on the THIRD movie??

    Rob looks really good when he and Kristin are sitting somewhere talking.

    “Dude, tell me before she shows up…do I look like Caspar?” lol

  39. HAHAHAHAH
    “Moon: yes the wig flew off his head it couldnt be attached to him any longer it had to fly free after all it’s like the old saying: “if you let it go and it comes back to you then it was meant to be.” he’s testing the wig”
    That is GOLD.

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