Kristen Stewart it’s your 20th Birthday! Let’s take a look back!

Happy Happy Birthday!

Dear Kristen,

You’re finally out of those teen years and into what I refer to as the “old years” everything after teens just doesn’t really matter so much as you’ll find out. But alas you’re only 20 and you’re in that weird year that isn’t teen and isn’t fully adult. But it’s been a big year for you. Leaving behind your teens and entering adulthood has been pretty tumultuous to say the least. To celebrate let’s take a look back and see what all 19 had to offer…

After outting you and Nikki Reed as fake lesbians one of our friends Kim made this amazing video to celebrate your love and we laughed till we cried.

And as quickly as your love blossomed with NReed your love for that Italian spice Oregano ended.  In a last ditch effort to salvage the relationship and and Micheal Aranago embark on a not staged at all paparazzi documented piggy back romp through the streets of Vancouver. Goodbye Stewgano, we barely knew ye.

While Rob was off in Cannes he runs into your old Into the Wild costar Emile Hirsch and UC and I roleplay what that conversation must have been like. We also come up with our own safeword for future role playing. We also have amazing fun real lives outside of this blog, I SWEAR!

Obviously out of my mind I plead with you to bone Robert Pattinson while you’re filming New Moon in Italy. You probably took my advice. Or you didn’t and played some softball with the locals.

What else happened last year? Let’s remember and wish KStew a happy happy 20th after the cut!

Yea, I dropped it just like you thought I would!

And just as awkward as we thought it would be, you did NOT disappoint at the MTV Movie awards in May. I’m sure you didn’t forget but just in case; you dropped the award on the ground and it was AWESOME! Awesomely funny to watch! HAHA I’m still laughing. This night also set off the whirlwind of rumors that began the Robsten phenomenon in full force. Are they together? Or aren’t they? And we still haven’t recovered.

Somewhere during the middle of the summer, in a fit of method acting and hot weather I suspect, you decide to cut your hair off into a Joan Jett 70s era mullet for your part in The Runaways. This ended up spawning so many business up front, party in the back jokes it was ridiculous. It’s just NOW finally grown out into a very chic shoulder length doo and has forced everyone to retire the mullet jokes. Thank god.

While filming The Runaways you totally eat it while filming a running scene. I hope you laughed at yourself later cause we sure did!

Yup, totally preggo

You got knocked up!!!!!!!!! Wait, you didn’t it was all an awfully written gossip piece that we gathered together an all star panel of fans, bloggers and friends to debunk the rumor on your behalf! You can thank us later

You act hella weird at Comic Con. Then you pulled your shit together for the fan Twilight event that afternoon. I guess a ton of nerds in costumes can do that to some girls. It’s not for the faint of heart

After the summer was over it was back to filming Eclipse. Sadly, since you cut all your hairs off to be a bad ass rocker you had to put on Jacob’s old wig to play sweet little Bella again. FAIL!

UC taught you how to be a “fun celebrity.” Too bad you didn’t listen

Jimmy Fallon totally fanboys over you and we love him even more for it. You better treat our Jimmy right, or I’ll be writing a letter about it!

New Moon came out! We loved it, we talked A LOT about it

Some people with a lot of time on their hands create videos like “The Kristen Stewart School of Acting.” I guess you must be doing something right!

I like the way you work it, No diggity!

You go to the Oscars and shut.it.down in a great midnight blue dress. Then you cough on stage and crazies freak out. I know, I didn’t get it either.

It’s been a wild year. We loved you, we hated you, we talked about it, we got chewed out for it and we kept being honest, cause I think you’d approve. You do have some intense fans KStew and they’ve stuck up for you no matter what and that’s something to celebrate!

We hope 20 is a great year for you and that things just keep getting bigger and better!

Happy Birthday Kristen!
XO
Moon and UC

PS We mean it!
PPS Wanna remember celebrating 19?

Share with us your Kristen BDay wishes. What was your favorite Kristen moment from this past year? Did we miss anything major?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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55 Responses

  1. Happy b’day, O Queen of the Bitchface!
    I turned 20 in Feb. It really is a strange year.

    P.S. The mag that wrote the pregnant article is Australia. I am so embarrassed.
    P.P.S New Moon DVD arrived and party is ON! Cutting out stuff for decorations now in prep for tomorrow night :D

    • So if I start driving right now…..I just might make it. Do you need extra glue & glitter? Is there a dress code? Can I pick u up some more of those crappy Aust. mags?

      • Which I may or may not have lying around the place.

    • I wish I could be there! I would have bring sparklepeen cupcakes (ehm)

    • You know, that magazine article Rob mentions at practically every interview, the one that said HE was pregnant, was supposed to be Australian. Has anyone ever actually seen this article or magazine, or is it one more thing he has made up??

      • I was thinking about that the other day.
        I’ve never seen it – I feel like he either made it up, or completely misinterpreted the story. I remember him saying something about how the article said his ARM was pregnant.
        No tabloid would print that. Not even the most unreliable, sketchy one. Because it makes NO sense!

  2. Happie Birthday, Stewie! Just ONE more year before we see you smiling at every fan event, interview and award show. Whew!

  3. Ah to be 20 again. Wait, other than that being the year I met my husband, it was a pretty meh year.

  4. Aw, Happy Birthday to Kristen!
    I’d never seen that running and crashing vid, but it’s funny! I love how she like, jumps up after she falls on her face and shows the dude her hands. Like.. “I’m okay! Really, look!”

  5. Gefeliciteerd! Happy b-day Kristen.
    My fav moment was Kristen dropping the MTV award. Plse do it again this year? LMAO

  6. Um, she also won a BAFTA…

    Oh, KStew. How you confuse me! I look forward to more of it! Happy birthday!

    • I’m sure she doesn’t really want to be reminded of that because (a) she knew she didn’t deserve it, (b) speech fail and (c) major dress fail.

  7. Happy Birthday!

    I don’t really remember 20. I think I blocked it out.

  8. Happy Birthday Kristen! Truly, it had been a big year for her. Yet, she seemed to have come a long way since her Twilight days back in 2008. She is more confident now during interviews (thought not as creepily mature or Taylor or as awkward as Rob). As far as young celebs go, she seemed to be one of the few who remain grounded no matter how crazy things turn out to be around them.
    Let’s hope you blink and stutter some more in your upcoming films! As for turning 20, I will tell you about it next year!

    • Oh, I forgot to mention your wardrobe evoluation..So many fabulous dresses you’ve worn during the past 6 months and I, for one can say that it’s great now that you’ve hired a stylist. Here’s hoping that one day, Rob might do that too!

  9. Seriously, WHAT happened with Kristen and Nikki?? I mean they were ALL over each other, and now you never see them together? And for that matter, what happened to Nikkli Reed? She gets no coverage at all, did she move to Alaska or something?

    I lost my virginity at 20. Enough said.

    • Rob happened to KStew and Nikki.

      • That’s kind of lame. I mean, hos before bros, right?

        • Even with Rob? He *may* circumvent ordinary considerations…

  10. Happy 20th Kristen!! I still feel bad for you that you can’t drink…. unless your boyfriend buys it for you, which I’m sure he does. ;-) It seems like it’s taking you forever to get there….to 21 I mean.

    Fave moment from past year. The MTV Award drop…..
    It’s what made me fall in love with her!

    Plus, this f*ckhawt dress! ;-)
    http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2737/4503826034_250dd6eafb_o.jpg

    • 21? wauw! here in Holland you can buy and drink beer with 16 years (to early if you ask me)

      • Poor KStew (and celebs in general), she can’t even get a fake ID since she is world famous

        Wait, celebs have assistants that can buy, mix, chill, stir, be designated drivers …clean up the next day mess for them, pay off the witness, etc. Lucky bastards.

  11. Happiest of Happy Birthdays, Miss Stew. May you enjoy many more years (months? weeks?) of screwing the most fuckhawt man I’ve seen in years. …bitch.
    :)

    • “May you enjoy many more years (months? weeks?) of screwing the most fuckhawt man I’ve seen in years. …bitch.”
      None of us could’ve said it better!

  12. Dude.. she had a BIG YEAR. I mean… it really was a little bit business & a little bit party.. maybe the mullet stands for more than I ever realized… it’s like.. a SYMBOL of her life…..

    • If I could have a year like she had I’d totally run to my hairdresser RIGHT NOW.

    • All business up front, party out of sight. Sigh. So jealous.

  13. Aww those birthday wishes made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I’m sure if Stew read LTT (high probability) no doubt she’d feel the same way.
    Happy birthday Stewy Stew! You’ve got women all across the globe jealous of you .. mostly ’cause you’ve already got the gift that keeps on giving and giving and giving…. it to you all night long LUCKY! bitch!

  14. Wait…. Kristen was in Japan for the Volvo pic? ;)

    • That was taken during the Tokyo premiere of Twilight. SHe wore that jacket over her origami black and white dress.
      And now I’ll accept my ‘twi-nerd of the day’ award.

  15. I got married at 20. Still married 7 years later!

    I would advise KStew NOT to get married this year.

  16. GAHH!!! I liked this crazy business, and party hardy year. Kstew, you’re OK. Today I will drink the kool-aid.

  17. Wow, Happy Birthday KStew!

    I’m so old I don’t remember turning 20, either, but I was in college, so I am sure I had a good time…

    It really has been a big year for her! That tripping video will probably haunt her the rest of her life…

    That pregnancy thing was sooooooo ridic! But your Hardball breakdown was epic. Good times.

    Good for KS having her b-day on a Friday, does this mean her 21st will be on a Saturday!? That rules.

  18. Happy Birthday Stewie! Tequila shots are on me! Oh, wait you can’t have shots yet. I guess I will just have to take Rob and Janetrigs out instead!

    Gawd, 20 was a long time ago for me. I know I was still in college and those years are a little hazy. Probably because of all the tequila shots.

    Happy Birthday anyway!

    • YES please take me out for SHOTS!

      • Can I come too? I like drinks… and I’m already wearing a hoodie.

        • HALE YES! Tequila shots on me! or whatever else you like to drink. I am an equal opportunity drunk.

          • I want in! I’ll bring my mullet wig! (ok, I don’t have one… but I’ll buy one on the way!)

  19. I just turned 21, and can’t remember my 20th year, now that i think about it… it was just meh. Oh! wait! My bf of 4yrs cheated on me… no wonder I mentally blocked that year…

    Anyhoo… Happy Birthday Stew!!! All the blessings in the world! :) Now’s the time when people won’t forgive you for acting duh in public. It’s a bitch I know… Being an adult sucks.

    BTW: That vid by Kim is hilar! How could I have missed that?! LMAO… I miss N-Stew…

    • <3's for you Hepburn.

      • <3's all around! :)

  20. Feliz Cumpleanos Stew!

    I wish I could say 20 is the best yr of your life
    But its not…
    I wish I could tell you you’re officially an adult
    But you’re not…
    Seriously you can’t even rent a car…

    Nonetheless I’m sureb you’ll make this memorable for us…

    20 for me was last yr…
    Can’t say I remember much other than school, work, && the bf

  21. :) <3

  22. Happy birthday to my favourite BAMF! May my love for you continue and may I always be thumbeddown for saying something truthful about you despite the fact that I’m a big fan but that clearly doesn’t matter!

    Heart you and your overyly crazy fans always!

    x

  23. What’s funny to me about a post regarding Kstew today of all days is that I was thinking about her in the shower. Yeah, I know, WTF? I thought so too. No I am not gay but random things pop into my head during my shower/thinking time. I was trying to deduce who she looks like to me and why…I came up with the answer finally!!!! She reminds me of Lisa Marie Presley because of the eyes. Both of them have the power in their eyes to take REALLY BAD pictures! Anyone else remember all those terrible tabloid pics of LMP looking pissed off? Kstew does the same thing, it’s all in the eyes and they are both really pretty women. Anyway, just sharing my big revelation of the day.

    • I too do my sorting out of life in the shower. But not knowing it was KStew’s birthday, all I got was more naked Rob images this morning *shrugs*.

  24. Happy birthday Kristen! I hope 20 is a corker for you, & that all the crappy stuff written about you finally dries up, & people just let you be you – good/bad/whatever. We’ll still take the mickey here but it’s all in fun, right, right?

    I was 20 when I had to drop out of art school with very serious chronic fatigue…I’m 41 now & am still getting over it (but am soooooooooo much better). So please love being 20 for me.

    • Oh Jorts, I am so sorry to hear that.
      BUT 40 IS the new 20.

    • That’s the best advice ever, eatmyjorts: Enjoy being young while you can. Take it from The Old One–it won’t come around again.

  25. Happy B-day Stewie Stew.
    I’ll wear black Converses just for you.

    Can it be dumb rhyme day? Like haiku day?

    • YES

    • Roses are red
      Violets are blue
      I like you and all
      But The Messengers blew.

    • Happy Birthday K-Stew!
      You get Rob to do you,
      Wish we could, too.
      Happy Birthday to you.

  26. Oh, and happy birthday.

  27. *I plead with you to bone Robert Pattinson while you’re filming New Moon in Italy*

    So wait, this is YOUR fault?! YOU’RE the reason my grown ass has the most pathetic-and-unreasonable-embarrassing-case-of-envy-as-if, EVAR? In S’Meyer’s words, *stares at you glaringly*.

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