Taylor Lautner: Friendless?

Dear UC & Moon,

Something has been bothering me lately (not really), I’ve spent countless hours pondering this… I feel that it is vital (pointless) to get a better understanding of Taylor. Now, he’s finally legal, having just celebrated his 18th, what did he do? I know Big Daddy Lautner would splurge on a birthday cake for his big boy, and sure there were hats and balloons but… and this is what bothers me… Were his friends there? Does he HAVE friends???

We have only ever seen him with his ex, Swifty (<3), the Disney chick who’s name I don’t care to remember and Big Daddy of course and countless other nameless faces (probably his management, and ALL ADULTS!) What normal 18 year old doesn’t have a group of friends? Friends his OWN AGE? I mean, Rob has his BritPack, Kstew has her fake lesbians but Tay??? Where’s his crew?

Guys, I need your help here… I need to rest easy knowing Tay has some guy friends and if not… I say we hold a friend audition! I vote no on Justin Bieber and anyone affliated with Disney (especially the JoBros). Any suggestions?

Resting uneasy,
Hepburn

Well Hepburn, what a FABULOUS idea. I’d be lying if I said Moon & I hadn’t had this concern ourselves. We’ve spent many a five minutes hour worrying about Taylor’s apparently lack of friends. Not that we think he’s complaining- with a father like Big Daddy, who needs friends? But for the sake of his fans & all those who are becoming more and more convinced of his homosexuality because of his never-ending slew of of female, Disney star friends/PR ploys, I think we need to get to the bottom of this.

First things first, I did a quick google search to see what Tay-Tay has been up to lately. It looks like he was recently spotted at a Lakers game. He HAD to go with friends, right!? RIGHT!? I snagged these photos from EclipseMovie.org for us to investigate:

Evidence #1

Wait- that’s not a minidress & a bra strap I see- that’s a MAN shoulder. And NOT Big Daddy’s! DO we have some proof!? Does Tay Tay have a FRIEND?

Evidence #2

It looks like Tay-Tay may have changed seats to get a better view of the basketball players the honeys (or else that WAS Big Daddy next to him in the first picture and he ran out for a second to stock up on the $79.95 Lakers-Bakers combo (Nachos with chili & bacon, four hot dogs, 2 64 oz Coca-Colas, caramel popcorn, a bucket of fries topped with chedder & crab and a fried twinkie for dessert. Oh, plus a side salad and a gatorade for Taylor)) Not sure who the new guy on Tay-Tay’s left is. Could it be another possibility for a friend?

Evidence #3

Is he looking at Kobe Bryant? Or the girls? Will we ever know?

Uh oh- this piece of evidence is supicious. No red-blooded 18 year old male would leave Taylor in front of cheerleaders who haven’t eaten in 3 weeks (except for the girl who gobbled up the crab-fry that Big Daddy dropped) ALONE. Is it true? Does Tay-Tay have no friends?

Evidence #4

It's called a what? And THAT's what Rob said he was allergic to?

Our final piece of evidence shows us Taylor, seeing the nether regions of a woman for the first time, next to a male. Is it a fan who wanted to ask what it was like NOT being a bear? Is it his manager (who is apparently gay) telling him horror stories about sex with women? Is it Big Daddy, who miraculously dropped 167 pounds after consuming the Lakers-Bakers Combo? I think we ALL know it’s NOT a friend. No 18 year old male has what looks to be the beginnings of a full beard. Unless he’s a hipster. And no hipster would wear a collared shirt. He’d be in an ironic Fish-O-Filet sponsored “Relay for the Heart 1994″ T-shirt.

After seeing these pictures of Taylor out for a night of crab-fries and Kobe Bryant, I have to conclude…… that Taylor has no friends…

Find out what we’re going to do about this piece of news, after the jump!

Taylor, Taylor… whatever are we going to do with you? Oh- I know. LTTers to the rescue. We’ll never let you go friendless.

I sent out a cry for help on the tweets and got back a TON of options for new BFFs who might be better suited than your gay manager & Big Daddy (I’ve included a few videos, as I apparently missed out on much of the 80s and had no idea who a few of these people were. So you can enjoy my new knowledge.)

  • Moon suggested you befriend the hostess at the olive garden or the greeter at your gym
  • There were many suggestions of pairing you with Justin Bieber. As if the tweengasms aren’t already enough just thinking about it, check out this description from @laxplays, “Tay-Tay can do his annoying back flips whilst JB does his annoying vocals – perfect friendship”
  • @JodieO suggested you should hang out with Daniel Radcliffe (Rob can introduce you). Then you’ll look tall enough to be Jacob.
  • “BooBoo Stew 4 BFF” was the cry of @KatOfDiamonds
  • @KStew411 “Remember that girl from Small Wonder? She and Taylor would have LOTS in common.”
  • @ekels said, “Lance Bass. Someones gotta show him the ropes ifyouknowwhatimsayin.”

During a lull when good options weren’t flowing in, I tweeted we’d be open to cartoon characters:

  • @
Laxplays “has to be Bugs Bunny as BFF 4 Tay-Tay – they can both floss and brush their scary white teeth together”
  • @lovelynessa said, “dora the explorer! or her brother or boyfriend or whatever… diego?”
  • @clarks2 “MC Skat Kat.”
  • @JJElektric “Hulk Hogan.”
  • @bandmum1 “Punky Brewster + TayTay”
  • @JodieO “The cast of Entourage. He could be their Beta”
  • @libbyrenee: “Mario Lopez.. Cause U know Tay might play him in his bio movie… he cn teach him 2 dance lk Slater did”
  • @Laxplays “even Paris Hilton as BFF? Free hotels for life & she can show him that one night in Paris is never enough”

And my personal favorite

  • @cmaus1216  “endless breadsticks”

So Taylor… what do you think? Think you might have some friend options here? I think there are DEFINITELY some perfect matches! But don’t worry…. as friends come & go…. family stays forever:

Love,
UnintendedChoice, Hepburn & all the caring folks on Twitter

So what’s your vote? Who deserves to be Tay-Tay’s bff? And who did we miss!?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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123 Responses

  1. MC Skat Cat? I don’t think he’d make a very good friend. He’s always taking one step forward and two steps back and just takes forever to get anywhere at all.

    • that’s a BOY? oh crap

  2. I betcha all Taylor’s highschool friends thought he was an annoying overachiever. Which would be true. Except now he makes tons of money and is famous, so some of them are bound to regret teasing him about his meat patties.

    • So true! I love him (in an appropriate ‘I’m old enough to be your Mama) kind of way, but what can’t he do?

      But, I have to say, from personal experience, overachievers need love too, it’s not their fault God bolted all the additional extras onto them when they were born…I come from a family full of them.

      • P.S. How could you miss out Roxy? I’m sure she is his actual best friend as well as Man’s best friend…even if she fights the alpaca for the best space on the bed at night.

    • I bet that as well. I am from Nashville that the same thing happened to Taylor Swift!! Not so sure if I believe it, the girl can do no wrong… they could talk about how awful middle school was and how much they want to kick everyone’s asses at the reunion.

      Group therapy anyone?

    • I bet that as well. I am from Nashville and heard that the same thing happened to Taylor Swift (you know from her next door neighbor’s boyfriend’s aunt’s second cousin who met her in sixth grade) Not so sure if I believe it, the girl can do no wrong… they could talk about how awful middle school was (with big teeth and freakishly long legs), and how much they want to kick everyone’s asses at the reunion.

      Group therapy anyone?

      • sorry about the double post… hit enter to soon

  3. I seriously believe that TaytorTot should be friends with Chuy from Chelsea Lately…Taylor could carry him around on his hulking bicep…it would be like his own My Buddy.

    • Dude.
      Chuy does midget porn.
      Perez Hilton (who is a wanker and I don’t know why I still even read him) has posted about it recently and even provided DVD cover proof.
      *shudders*

      I’ll be Tay’s friend. It’s perfect because I find him attractive but not in a “ZOMG you’re so hot, I wanna throw myself on you” kinda way like it is with Rob.

      • Oh- does that (“ZOMG you’re so hot) exclude one from the friend category? Cause I was going to volunteer, but now that you’ve said that…

  4. Isn’t the obvious choice Kellan? They can be “work-out” buddies and they can read “Purpose Driven Life” together.

    • Yes! Kellan. They would be perfect together! Wolf Boy + Monkey Man = WIN. :D

      • Yeh, Why haven’t Kellan befriended him already? I mean, he’s used to care of lost puppys.

  5. He could always just get a dog. Lassie?

    Or Andrew Garfield? Poor boy starred in an awful awful movie. He could probably use a friend too. Aaaand isn’t he part of the old Britpack too? This means the man knows fastfood, dingy pubs, lack of personal hygiene and the bro’s before ho’s code like no other. Our Tay will be a real man in no time.

  6. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt…you know, to practice for Breaking Dawn?

    I know, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth too.

    • I had to thumbs down just because, as you said, I threw up a bit in my mouth.
      The thought is totally inspired though :)

      • I thumbed up your thumbs down, because yes, gross. But hey, at least it wasn’t I that originally thought of the whole adult boy BFF and future lover of an infant concept. Oh no, the laurels are all for S. Meyer.

        • Let’s just think of a second about how on earth she came up with that. It completely weirds me out.
          Actually on second thought, maybe it’s better not to think about it.

  7. Besides Mario Lopez, I think he could be bff with Jonny Bravo… yup yup yup
    http://files.sharenator.com/Johnny_Bravo_tv_01_Tribute_to_the_old_CartoonNetwork-s445x558-29885-580.jpg

  8. i think TayTay is secretly crushing on KStew and is terribly jealous of Rob. Have you not seen the pix?! y’know – those EW pix! kinda gave me a flashback to the holiest of all – the Vanity Fair pix.

    i need a moment to recover.

    so….in order to get over his oh-so-secret-crush, he is going for those squeaky clean virgin type chicas that make us all want to vomit. he doesn’t need a new BFF at all.

    he just needs to get laid.

    case closed.

    • So his life is pretty much Jacob’s? Pining away for the beautiful unobtainable girl who’s taken by big man on campus? What are we waiting for KStew to “oops” get preggos in her set trailer by Rob too? lol

      M

      BTW – I’ll totally do him.

    • solitagirl, did you see those outtakes from the New Moon DVD where Rob, Kristin, Taylor, and Chris Weitz are answering questions from the audience, and someone asks, “who is most like their character in real life?” The consensus seems to be it’s Taylor. And maybe they weren’t just talking about his sincerity and loyalty and physical strength and all that, but could they have been hinting about a love triangle? Just a thought.

  9. I love how laineygossip always compares taytay to tom cruise. Taylor should totally be bffs with the cruise fam, become a scientologist and then marry suri cruise when she turns 16.
    There. Sorted.

  10. Small Wonder reference FTW! (@KStew411)

    This is why I <3 you all.

    I'm trying to think of other wholesome Disney types he could befriend, but I'm sort of out of the teenybopper world. What about the twins from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody? They, too, would make him look more Jacob-height-appropriate…

  11. @JodieO “The cast of Entourage. He could be their Beta”

    ——I freaking love you!

  12. A-a-ahem… *clears throat* I’ll be Taylor’s friend…. ;)

    Gawd, when I saw those pixx yesterday I was really hoping you gals would post about them! They’re priceless. The one where he’s (#4) just looking like, “Huh?!”. LMAO. I also love the fierce beeyotchface the cheerleader on the right is giving in #2.

    Oh, and in #3, he’s totally daydreaming about TomStu. I just know it.

    *sigh* He’s soooo dreamy….

    *howls at the moon*

    • I like you, FacePunch. And I think you’d be a good friend for Taylor.

      • Awww… so sweet! Thanx. I like you, too! :)

    • Hi there, quick question-
      Is this a new “Facepunch” or did you drop the “unicorn?”

      • I’m the same FacePunch… I decided to drop the “(A Unicorn)” because, well, I intended to. Figured I would let the commenters here (and UC & Moon) know that I was a guy, for the first few weeks of commenting, at least. Only fair. It was also, funnily, confusing some people that thought that I wanted to face punch an actual unicorn (hahaha…), ;) and it also chagrined me to think that I would possibly have to look at that freakin’ Unicorn part of my screen name for the next few years until this is all over.

        Wow, long explanation or what! I know, right!?
        :D

        Gonna take this moment to say that I am SO glad that I decided to start commenting here. It’s been… an irrevocably dazzling thing. :)

        ALSO… just found out the other day (boy, am I being chatty now or what….) that my cousin lives in the same town as Stephenie Meyer!! Cave Creek, AZ… WoOT!

        • Oh, *and* Kiowa Gordon lives there, too! :)

        • Oh good, glad I asked. Your new avi rocks, BTW!
          I am always glad to read your comments, you are quite witty.

          Too funny about your cuz… and lovin’ that you said woot! :)

          • WoOT W00T! :D

            Thanks for the compliments on my avi and witticism! I love your avatar, too! And I as well have been looking out for your comments… you are quite clever yourself! :)

    • oh… we NEED your opinion on the impending gayness of taylor. What do you think? is he gay? does he know it yet if you think he is?

      • UC! :)

        He… definitely gets a “ping” on my gaydar… but I will totally admit: my gaydar, even as a gay man, kinda sucks. :( I think that Tay definitely has the possibility (just so you all know, I am typing this as I am listening to Streisand… GAY…) to be a gay dude… but… unlike other sites, that try to out people, I will not say that I know that Tay is gay… even tho I think he is. (There, I said it. ) But I, FacePunch, a gay commenter, have NO true knowledge that TL is gay… but if he is, I hope that he finds what he wants in life, and that he does it WAY after his movie career is over, because, sadly, if he doesn’t, his career will be OVER. Sadly.

        I’ve been SO wrong about people before, UC. Ricky Martin recently came out, as not only alternative, but as a full-blown (That’s what he said) homosexual. (In his own words). I mean, I’ve always known that he was at least Bi…. but totally, all-the-way-GAY!? Color me surprised.

        To summarize… who knows. But at least he will have people around him for a while to tell him to play the straight-angle (just like Evan Lysacek) to get the most endorsements and revenue. Sad.

  13. I’ve realized that I can’t stand any of today’s young stars except TSwift. She’ll always be your frozen yogurt buddy, TayTay.

  14. IMHO Tay has been too busy being a martial arts star/champion, student athlete and then an actor, all beginning at a very young age, to have formed any long lasting friendships. It seems as if his “bestie” is Big Daddy! The boy/man needs help!

    I agree with solitagirl..he needs to get laid…then maybe he might have something in common with other guys and have something to brag about besides his muscles!

    • Poll: Do we think Taylor is still a virgin? I vote “yes”.

      • Ummmm YES without a doubt! Poor baby! Big Daddy needs to let go of the reins a bit…don’t you think?

      • i bet he has a purity ring like his psuedo disney friends.
        check the hands!

      • yes because of all of his old fashioned values…

        But I could help him with that.

      • Yes and I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Maybe I’m alone, but I think it’s actually kind of sweet.

        • me too :)

      • Not a chance. Someone will have bedded that cutie in High School….unless…does Taylor have some kind of faith committment he’s not very vocal about? Or he’s gay, in which case I think yes…

        • It was me.

      • Yes. And ditto to lulude & operarose… I think it adds to his sweetness thing he’s got going on.

        Though I’m sure he doesn’t think it’s sweet, I’m sure he’s just wishing it would happen already. :)

    • You said what I was thinking–imagine the childhood going to all the tournaments and the acting. No time to make friends–it’s kind of a sad tradeoff to pursue success at a young age like that. But I think it’s what he wanted to do and was good at, and was not pushed into against his will by Big Daddy.

      • TOO I totally agree that all the activities were Taylor’s choice. Big Daddy supported him…as a involved dad should….plus nothing wrong with your dad being a friend. BUT time for the “little wolf cub” to broaden his horizons and find friends his own age!

        Suggesting he get laid was a joke…I think…..

  15. Oops! I almost forgot to add that Midnight_Cyn says hi to everyone! She’s having a bit of vision trouble at the moment, so she can’t really read the blog or the comments, but she’ll try to drop off a smiley face now and again just to prove she is still alive and she misses everyone.

    • Oh no! Please tell her we are thinking of her, JodieO. And that we hope she recovers quickly and can join us again very soon.

    • Hi to Cyn!

    • Tell her we’re thinking of her and sending good thoughts. She is a special person.

    • Big love to you Cyn…I’m putting you on my prayer list! XXX

    • Hope she’s better soon!!

  16. When I look at that picture with the caption “You’ve Got a Friend in Me”, all I can think is that is “literally” where all of Tay’s friends are. In Big Daddy’s belly.

    “No, Daddy… NO!!!”

    “Nomnomnomnom!”

      • maybe his “frans” like big daddy more so they wanted to go to the party in his tummy like the carrots and green beans :)

        the only solution then is to ditch big daddy :(

        • Sadly, I don’t think there are too many carrots and green beans in Big Daddy’s tummy.

      • You win forever for posting this video. I wonder if TayTay wants to go to the party, the party in Big Daddy’s tummy?

        • I’ll go to…..as a friend. Awesome.

    • “No, Daddy… NO!!!”

      bahahahahaaa!!!! I love you so hard. Look down the comment line at my first comment. You *knew* I’d have something to say on a Tay post. Giiiiiirl.

      M

      PS – I’d so have me a whole litter of Taybies. Just sayin.

  17. Lovely, just wonderous.

    PS I still vote for Beiber.

  18. the bonus to being bffers with the endless breadsticks: its a bonding experience with Big Daddy.

    whilst tay’s thoughts “can we get any closer”
    oh yes

  19. “Endless Breadsticks”

    I <3 Olive Garden! I am thinking of becoming a hostess there, just so Taylor can "befriend" me TWSS!

    Love the post girls!

  20. JUST SAYING HI ;) MISSALL!

    • Haha. See! I wasn’t lyin’!

      Cyndi was worried yesterday that you all would think she was rude for just dropping off a smiley face, so I told her that I would explain what was going on. And that we worry about her when she’s gone for too long, so the smileys are welcome. =)

    • you’re SO rude, Cyndi :)

      JUST KIDDING. I love your smileys. They always end up in the spam folder & it makes me happy to unspam you
      xoxoxo

  21. Awww…poor Taylor. I feel very protective of you right now. I most definitely volunteer to be your best friend. You can come up to Canada and live with me… I promise to feed you pasta and meat patties and teach you a thing or two. *ahem.* Also my fiance is Team Jacob so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind having you around. He ate a box of your sweethearts a few days ago. (no that’s not a pun. he really did eat my Valentine’s candy heart box with the Jacob picture on it. Edward is still in tact.) No one will look at you oddly because Quebecors are used to “unusual” and “unconventional” families.

    Secondly, I’m just going to get my tweed jacket on for a second…okay…yup, it’s on. Here’s the thing, people. I grew up basically in Taylor’s hometown. Ok, he grew up in Hudsonville, I grew up in Holland, but they border on each other and are essentially the same place. He also took karate at a karate school about 2 minutes from my high school. Everyone took karate there. Except me. I didn’t like karate, or any sort of athletics for that matter except maybe swimming and laying on the beach. Yes, I am really disappointed that I didn’t, now, because if I had taken it at the same time and place as Taylor…well, that would be a story to tell the grandkids. Okay, I digress. (Where IS Bobbygee these days???!)

    So anyways, I know where Taylor comes from and the culture of the place. Before I go any further, I will say that people do have friends there. So it is a little odd that he doesn’t. On the other hand, family is extremely important around there and it’s totally normal to hang out with your family even when you’re kinda old. Secondly, people are very into old fashioned traditional family values, so even if he is -you know, having ‘relations’ with every one of these Disney girls – it’s highly unlikely that because of his upbringing he would want to show this fact off. That’s not gay, that’s just old fashioned values that teach you not to act like a douche.

    Finally, I have a feeling that his coming off as “vanilla” is again just a sort of product of his upbringing. I wasn’t as “vanilla” as the rest of the people from that area so I escaped to one of the most liberal places in North America. But even if he lives in LA these days, he still seems to me to be a product of his upbringing in this small little conservative family values Michigan hometown.

    So there, that’s my defense of Taylor. P.S., Tay, if you are reading this, there is currently a sale on flights on Air Canada … I want you to come.

    • with all of that said (I write too much to avoid work)

      I bet he could be friends with the Cowboys on the Amazing Race. He could buy an alpaca farm near them.

      • I like that you “write too much to avoid work.” That means I get to read “too much” to avoid work. ;)

        Keep typin’, lady.

      • I was thinking about those cowboys on Amazing Race when I saw that great manip of Rob and TomStu on LTR today. Do you think the AR cowboys know that people are totally going “Brokeback Mountain” when they see them together on Amazing Race?

        • I was reminded of them from that pic too! I actually had dreams about TomStu and Rob and cowboys last night too (unfortunately nothing dirty…just random.)

          I don’t think they (AR cowboys) know…but that’s part of the reason we all love them. This is the first AR season I’ve seen in years because I adore the teams.

    • Woah. TayTay @operarose is totes there for you!

      I second this motion!

    • operarose sounds like she would make an awesome friend for Tay. And I have to second her notion; he should defs come to Canada.

      Also, OR, I have to thank you because you clued me into the Air Canada flight sale that might have just made my planned trip a done deal :D

      • haha, you are welcome! I just got the email alert this morning. I’m planning a flight back to my (and Tay’s, actually) hometown and the price is the lowest it’s been all year.

        • @Operarose – Please tell me you’re starting up a TaytorTot Tour Co. of Holland Michigan – on standby for a ticket.

        • Sure… would love to!
          First tour leaves in May!

    • Operarose, do you think we could share? I’m not really interested in “special hugs” from Taylor, I just want to show him a different kind of older role model than Big Daddy provides. Show him what real restaurants are like, what having fun friends is like, just hanging out and laughing a lot. He’s way too serious for an 18-year old. And he could be a big brother to my son (who is more of a “Rob” with his non-athletic gawkiness and double-jointed-ness). I just want to take him by the hand, and say, “see, there’s more to life than being an action figure!”

      • Of course we can share! I say all the LTT ladies (pro-Taylor LTT ladies, that is, *stern look*) open their homes to him and show him a good time. And I don’t mean that in a dirty way (Seriously.). I agree that we can show him how to wine and dine at places other than restaurants that have unlimited bread or “fish” sandwiches; that there are cool people out there who aren’t your daddy; and the appropriate doses of PDA and hot women to date who won’t make you seem like a player or a creepy Disney groupie, but will squash those gay rumours. Also, I am pretty sure my fiance would love to go to the gym with him and see who can lift the bigger weight. (And no, that is also not an euphemism … geez, all your dirty minds…)

        • oops, of course I mean LTT ladies AND unicorns too.

        • If all else fails we can always try this with the Jacob action figure instead.

  22. Caption on evidence #4= PRICELESS!

    Every squeaky clean good kid needs a hooligan pal that they can live vicariously through. (Eddie Haskel to Wally, Derek to Ricky Stratton, Fonzie to Ritchie, Jesse James to Sandra Bullock ;)
    I suggest role models Collin Ferrel and Andy Dick (you know, for comic relief, um yeah….comic relief).

    • . . . Jesse James to Sandra Bullock! Yes!

  23. Speaking of Tay- has anyone else seen the clips of him on a “win a date” contest with two girls (French and Spanish) in Paris? What I wouldn’t give to be in Paris right now!! (ok, and to have won that contest)

    • Wait – what is this “win a date” of which you speak???? And how come no one told me about this contest?!?!?!?

      Obviously we should have a similar contest when we host our “LTT Prom” and the entire cast comes to dance with us and spike the punch. Probably should form some sort of planning committee soon…We can plan to construct a giant bonfire like Marissa made on the OC, but intsead of building and burning a giant horse we will burn Jasper’s wigs/Rosalie’s Twilight acid wash jeans/Peter Facinelli’s fake accent.

      • Not sure about the contest- it might have been a strictly Europe thing. I saw it on Twilight Lexicon and watched it, then promptly swoooooned. Taylor est très adorable á Paris!

      • p.s.- I’m good at planning things, sign me up for that committee!

        • Deal! And we will be such good prom planners that I am sure the entire cast AND crew will show up and confess that they read LTT everyday and are blown away by our collective wit and charm.

          Probably there needs to be a kissing booth at this prom…you know, to eh, fundraise – for charity, of course.

  24. Dearest Taylor (aka forever Jakey in my mind)

    the reason why you may have no friends other than Big Daddy is cuz guys are competitive S.O.B.s. they (your possible friends) all know that their love interests have seen you in NM without your shirt on and are drooling at the defined deliciousness that is your upper body.

    those future friends cannot even compare themselves to you in that department. your future friends would have to basically live at the gym, eat those disgusting meat patties, wear those long shorts made of spandex and can blind a person with its shininess, and sport not one but two pairs of sunglasses while going to the gym to achieve even one ounce of a defined ab muscle and seriously, who has time for that??

    those future friends already have special booty call friends who “lay” with them in a Biblical sense so they don’t have to worry about that. and they all know that while they are making the cannoli with their women (or men); they know that it’s really you that their women (or men) are thinking of.

    Jealousy – thy name is Tay’s possible friend!!

    and while the song may have the lyrics of “you don’t have to take your clothes off to have fun…” feel free to show off your abs at any time.

    Your “TRUE” friend who truly does not want you in the Bibilical sense because you look EXACTLY like my 15 year old nephew,

    solitagirl

  25. This just makes me so sad! I second solitagirl, that all these would-be-friends are all shades of green over him.

    Why can’t he be real-life besties with the guys who play Quil and Embry???? I mean, take a cue from the Good Book(s) and let life imitate art – that would be perfect! And hang out with Chaske Spencer and get introduced to some experienced women and then there need be no awkward first times…and by first times I obviously mean his first time being out unchaperoned…yes.

    BY THE WAY I just bought the New Moon BOARD GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was on sale at Borders for only $10…I’m thinking it will make for a great drinking game. Does anyone else have it?!?!?!??! It looks ridiculous/like the most amazing thing I have ever seen.

    • I bought the New Moon board game before New Moon the movie came out. It was kinda confusing without having seen the movie.
      ENJOY!

      • Awesome! I’m glad I’m not the only person in the world who owns it! I haven’t played yet, but I was looking at the rules and all the pieces and plastic Cullen crests and thought 1. This game is not very pro-Jacob and 2. You definitely have to have seen the movie if you want to try and play! oh and 3. I should make a drinking game out of this, obviously.

  26. Seriously?
    Was I the only one who thought BooBoo & TayTay would make an awesome pair?
    I mean poor BooBoo would get the best bodyguard ever in TayTay’s BFFship… & TayTay can get in an extra workout teaching BooBoo self defense moves…

    • No that is perfect! I think I just really want the wolf pack to all be “brothers” in real life!!!!!!!!!!!

  27. Also I think in photo #4 it looks more like he is mezmerized by what he sees, and his beardly friend is trying to talk to him about his workout regimine and get meat patty recipes, and Taylor is totally not listening to anything beardy is saying ’cause he is hypnotized by the spandex-clad curves….He can’t even look away! So obviously I have proven that he loves girls, and therefore will love me when we meet and it will be everything I ever dreamed it would be. Case closed.

    • DJ! Call those curves? Sheesh.When I was their age I’d have blown them off the court & we’d know for sure which gender is the recipient of Tay’s bodily affections.

      And did you or did you not forward the email to me where he loves me & wants to marry me? Oh sorry, that was from Jacob Black….

      • HAHAHA! Well “curves” was the least scandalous/most work computer friendly term I could come up with to hint as to what I was talking about!

        And yes, that was from Jacob Black himself! So if you get him then I get Taylor, and we can swap on weekends. Deal?

  28. I’ll be his friend (with benefits). Just sayin.

    M

    • Psh, I bet you would. I’ll bring baggies of meat to the baby shower for your Taybies!

      • They’ll need the protein. They’ll all be beefed up just like their daddy. *sighs dreamily at Tay and his super abs and sexy neck and shoulder muscles*

  29. Yay! :) My letter was posted! My life is now complete :) Love the post ladies…

    *Goes back to read all the comments*

  30. The same day Chelsea &Ashley met AND partied with KStew and Joan Jett I emailed and suggested them to befriend Tay Tay and literally save his life. They didn’t reply so I think they are busy doing it (ha!) right now. Otherwise I nominate the yougest & cutest Jonas brother.

    • Yes – that would be Nick Jonas, and if they became friends I would die of cuteness explosion.

  31. who needs friends?
    kdng

  32. Oh you faithless fans! Doesn’t anyone remember the pics of Taytor hanging out with Robawesomness Lowe & the boys @ the football.? Surely there is no way someone can be in Lowe presence for more than 2sec and remain pure & innocent.

    • So true! How could we forget!!!! He is totally BFFs with Rob Lowe! Though I didn’t think it was possible, Taylor just went up even more notches in my book! Good job, SJ, well played.

      • He would have got HEAPS of great pointers on directing his own sex tape.

    • haha… totally forgot about that one!

  33. Hiiii everyone! Just catching up on comments now. I’ve been having a work week from hell. but whatever…. now I’m home and tired & you just made me laugh! LOVES TO YOU ALL

  34. heyyy umm PERSON WHO WROTE THE TAYLOR LAUTNER ARTICLEE, yeahh youu havee noo lifee making OBVIOUSLY falss accusationns that taylor lautner has no friendds. likeee jeeezz, of course he has friendsss, hes EXTREMELY busy, and just spending some time with his dad. likee holyyy shizznittt . DUHH EVERYONE HAS FRIENDSSSS.

    • LOL u really really need to learn what LTT is about xDDD

    • Everyone has spell check, too. That doesn’t mean they use it.

    • Yeah…DUHH EVERYONE HAS FRIENDS!!

      ….Except you, PERSON WHO WROTE THE ARTICLEE, cuz youu havee noo lifee!

      Loveeeeeee,
      Daaaanyyyyyyy.

      p.s: Jeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzz!

    • Wait, wait- everyone has friendssss?
      I only have friends. Fuckin’ A.
      Anyone want to be friendssss with me?

    • Mrs. Lautnerrrr,

      Can I call you “Mrs. Lautnerrrr?”

      likeeee jeeezz, and likee holyyy shizznittt, do you have any FRIENDSSSS?

      Friendssss don’t like shouty capitallssss.

      jusssst sayinnnn’

      Oh and welcomeee to LTTtttt

    • Friendly typing tip, Ms. Swift: if you quickly press the button and then let go of it, just one letter will appear on the screen. Presssssssing the butttttton for tooooooo long causes multiple instancessss of that lettttter to show up, which makes peopppple reading your commmment want to shove a rusty spoooon into their left eye.

      Also, read this before you comment again. Do it for me, since I feel compelled to bat my prey around a bit before I go in for the kill, and I just don’t have the time this week.

      • Maybe she thought that this was the way we write around here and our real name is LT, but just because we write all weird we type it LTT….

        …..Just a thoughtttt.

        • I love how you give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Oh, sorry, doubtttt.

          • I love what a quick learner youuu areeeee :)

    • Really? I mean, really. Welcome to LTT. I hope you have friendssssss

    • awww mrs.lautnerrrr you’re so cute! Will you be 13 or 14 this year?

      HEART ALL OF YOU!

  35. UC,

    Everyday. you kill me everyday.
    How do you do it? Is it the Redbull?
    <3 you

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