Before we had the REAL thing

Dear 2007 & 2008,

I’ve been reminiscing. Reminiscing about a time before the drama of “Is David Slade or isn’t David Slade being replaced by a taller director?” and “Are Rob & Kristen really making love for hours on end in front of a fire on a bear skin rug or are they just banging quickly on a leopard printed one?” I was thinking back to YOUR time- when casting announcements were just being announced for the movies, a petition was being sent around to have Rob replaced in the films & Big Daddy hadn’t yet become a household name. Melissa Rosenberg hadn’t yet penned “How you likin’ da rain Arizona,” and Cathy Hardi was still hard at work coming up with a list of “terrible, awful, no good lines for Rob Pattinson to say when Kristen Stewart first climbs on his back.” Sigh… those were the good ol’ days.

Actually, I wasn’t around then but I would have been if I had known better. However, as I’ve read every page and seen every image the internet has to offer about the Twilight saga & its actors, I’ve discovered that things were different back then. Things were different before. Before the hype. Before the drama. Before there were promo photos, videos and interviews. Before anyone knew any better….. This stuff was made:

Back when Edward Cullen, the 21st century’s Romeo, was seen as a vampire with a mullet and loved a heroine who young enough to give Chris Hansen a MAJOR career booster.

Back when Pete Wentz was someone’s dream Edward Cullen

Back when a REAL Native American was expected to play Jacob

Back when Ronald McDonald fought a random Italian dude for Bella’s love

Back when no one was good enough for Rob Pattinson, so Ariel had to fill in

Was Ashlee Simpson someone’s dream Rosalie? Check it out after the jump!

Back before Rob proved to the world he was the right choice for Edward Cullen, we considered signing the petition against “the guy who looks like a wizard”

Back when the fandom’s hope for the character of Bella looked like the goth chick who got her senior pictures taken with some jelly bracelets from Hot Topics & her family dog

Back before we had real characters to inspire art for our shoes so we had to use our imagination

Back when Rob & Kristen had a threesome with a guy with a mustache who drives a van

Back before we had kissing pictures of Ashley & Jackson, we had manipulations of Alice & Jasper in bed (Note the atrocity of the wig, even then)

Back when someone thought this was beautiful

Back when Carlise & Esme made a little extra money starring in a crappy telenovela

Back when manips of Kristen pregnant with Renesmee were just exciting reminders that there were at least 4 movies to watch and before they were creepy reminders of how weird the fourth (and probably 5th) films will be and how creepy fans who make manips of a Robsten baby bump are…

Before the crazy, Before the drama (before I even knew about this saga), there was innocence, there was unity, there was excitement and there were really, really, really bad photoshop jobs!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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97 Responses

  1. Oh boo. Cockblocked by WordPress again. I can’t see any of the photos!

    • Just be grateful you can’t see the last two. Yikes.

      • I made the mistake of eating my breakfast while reading…let’s just say those last 2 pics killed my appetite for the rest of the day, and possibly through the weekend. Damn.

        • I keep thinking he’s about to rip into her uterus in the one where he’s kissing her stomach.

          • Gah.

    • ACK! I can see them now. Cockblock me! COCKBLOCK ME!!

      • HA! You asked for it!

      • Quick, someone get Stephenie in here! JodieO needs to be cockblocked!!

    • Another chapter in jodies life story i have to pen!!!!

    • WHERE’S MY EMAIL??? LOL

      “Back when I was innocent and didn’t know what cockblocked meant….ahhh those where the days”

      • I know! Time totally got away from me last night. I’m sorry. =( I don’t even remember what I was so busy doing! Getting old is sad. ;P

      • MidCyn – Admit it. Just like Edward doesn’t want to live in a world without Bella; you don’t to live in a world without us and the knowledge of the cockblock. ;-)

        • @JodieO..Your forgiven as I “lose” time quite often myself..never find it either!

          @Ang…sad but true! I admit it!!

          Happy Friday everyone!! It is Friday right?

  2. I wasn’t around for all of this either. I almost wish I was; I would love to know how the characters would’ve looked to me had I not seen the film or pics of the cast.

    • it would have been a much different experience 4 u, i suppose.. personally, i read the entire saga w/o knowing the people who were going to play the characters. when breaking dawn came out in august of 2008, i didn’t know who these people were. i remember my friend saying “that girl, u know, from panic room” and “that guy, u know, the one who played cedric diggory”.. i didn’t care who these robert pattinson or kristen stewart people were. i had fairly good images of edward and bella in my mind. but then came the interviews! damn, god bless the youtube uploaders! it all started w/ the mtv interview and that was it. rob had me at his first hair graze.

  3. “Back when a REAL Native American was expected to play Jacob”

    Oh, how naive we were.

  4. errrr some of those pics are kind of creepy!

  5. I so could have done without those last two.

    • The last two pictures need to be removed as unappropriate content. They are completely disturbing!

      • I meant “inappropriate”

  6. I kind of like ShoeWard. ShoeWard is cute.

    And threesome dude reminds me of Billy Burke. *bad bad BAD mental image *

    • Haha, I like ShoeWard, too!

    • I thought he looked like Ethan Hawke……

      • Definitely more like Ethan Hawke… a la Great Expectations before he shaves again.

    • “Shoeward”… LOL!

      • Does your name mean you are a unicorn or that you want to facepunch one?

        • It means that I AM one! I fixed it so it makes more sense. :)

  7. Those times were horrible. Everyone was really upset over Rob being cast. I wasn’t though, because I had a major crush on Cedric.

    The maniples were awful though.

  8. Thumbs down away, but those drawings on the pair of Vans actually look a lot more like how I pictured Edward and Bella than Rob and Kristen do.

    Though, in a battle of jawlines, Rob would still take it.

    • Truth! Rob = jawlinechampion

    • Agree. They look good. And is it a just a coincidence the Vans picture is probably the least disturbing photo above? I think not.

    • The Vans Bella & Edward kind of remind me of the Hillywood Bella and Edward.

      • Me tooooo!

  9. “Is David Slade or isn’t David Slade being replaced by a taller director?”

    Is it wrong to say that my sincerest hope is that when the Eclipse promotion starts up, they’ll have Rob and David Slade promoting together the way they had Rob and CW?

    It would be like watching “Twins” with Danny DeVito and Arnold.

    • Bwahahahahaha!! Classic!

  10. I am so creeped out by those manips right now… I can’t even form a coherent response yet. Bleh!

  11. Just popping by to say I <3 you and how 2007 and 2008 were definitely simpler times.

    I'm inspired to see more art creations pre Kristen and Rob. (I just totally wrote Kristen and Edward and stared at their names thinking why it seemed off)

    HUGS

    • I heart you for that.

    • when bears were bears and jorts were….well, not amazeballs.

      • When amazeballs was… well… nothing

    • Clearly I have a gift.

  12. I had a life in 2007 and 2008.

    • & a smaller internet bill & a promising career..

      • And was not in danger of being fired for very embarrassing reasons..

        • And a clean house and clean clothes….and an internet history that I, er…you don’t have to clear every 45 minutes…

          • & you could look at a filet-o-fish without thinking of Big Daddy Lautner

            …& you could read the word “lamb” without thinking of a lion or 2nd-hand embarassing t-shirts in cafepress

            …& you read “real” literature (by authors with names like Tolstoy, Austen, or …well, quite frankly, an author who didn’t have a screen name like “eternal forever” and the genre didn’t have the word “fan” in it

            ….& you weren’t ignoring important work-related tasks to debate the finer points of KStew’s wardrobe/mullets, and what a new art director for a movie means.

          • THIS.

          • And I didn’t care about purple, BEARS, or jawlines

          • I never used to care about FingerPorn…

  13. I think I have to go look in the cupboard for some bleach now, to rinse out my brain..aaarrrrgh! Those manips!

    If this was representative of the age of innocence you describe, I don’t want it back! Give me some leg hitch pictures instead! And exactly WHEN in that sequence does Edward’s shirt come off, I wonder..? Let’s focus on some REAL issues here, to take our minds off Bella’s belly *shudders* and the rest…

    • I can’t decide if the pictures would be less creepy if they were an “accurate” portrayal of the book- with a black and blue Bella belly (heh, say that 5 times fast) and a wolf gnawing on Edwards head while he writes his will…or a lullaby…

  14. I didn’t live in the Twi-world until 2009. I sometimes wish I’d read the books and had my own ideas of the characters before seeing the movie. But I also like the look of all the movie characters (mostly) so I’m ok with those mental images when reading.

    I am NOT ok with theses mental images however. I’ll have to visit my Rob Porn Folder to rid my brain of this post.

    • @Ang…I Sooooo Agree!!

      P.S. UC..*WHY OH WHY IS IT THAT ONLY ON DAYS THAT THERE ARE PICS THAT I NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN, HITTING THE REFRESH BUTTON DOESN’T WORK CORRECTLY AND MAKES ME HAVE TO SCROLL THROUGH THEM OVER AND OVER????*

      • My “refresh” is always like that on my work computer, which makes it more difficult to be inconspicious. Thank God my office is at the end of the hall where I don’t get many “drop by” visitors.

        • Mine usually works correctly and goes back to where I was when I hit refresh EXCEPT it seems when there is stuff I NEVAR want to see again..lol..

        • The day that there was tons of shirtless Taylor pics and the words “Almost Legal” or something like that scrawled across the title in giant easily legible font, that was the day my refresh wouldn’t work right. Thankfully my unicorn and I used to share a cube then and he didn’t care/notice. (too busy on his World of Warcraft blog)

  15. OMG, I think I blew an eardrum trying to laugh under my breath because I’m too lazy to close my office door.
    And holy shiz, I could’ve been Team Jacob if that was the Native American who played Jacob! He doesn’t even look illegal.
    G-d damn, those mannips are creepy! Though the attention to detail in the Alice/Jasper one is impresive.

  16. Gaw damn those are creepy manips. People still make that stuff too. I just hope the real thing doesn’t disappoint.

    So I was wondering, who were the other 3 actors they considered for Edward? The ones that read for Cathy and Kristen on her bed way back than? Anyone ever find out?

  17. *puts on reminiscing tweed*

    Back in 2007, Stephenie was posting pictures on her website of who her dream cast would be. Suffice to say Rob and Kirsten never make the cut. And yes, the Jacobs she posted were real Native Americans, not Michiganders with ex-pilot dads who had a penchant for cheeseburgers.

    My naive self, who devoured the books alone the summer of 2007, thought, “there’s NO way this series is going to be made into a movie. I don’t know why I like it but I don’t think anyone else would.”

    And then they made the announcement that Summit bought the rights and Cedric would be playing Edward, and with the first “fan video” of Cedric as Edward my private little imaginary world of Twilight was forever lost.

    RIP “the good old days” before my brain had been tainted with manips of Kirsten Stewart pregnant.

    On the other hand, it’s been nice to not be SO lonely in this Twilight thing ever since I’ve found LTT.

    • Wow, operarose, you’re one of the pioneers! Respect!

  18. “Back when the fandom’s hope for the character of Bella looked like the goth chick who got her senior pictures taken with some jelly bracelets from Hot Topics & her family dog”
    Bwahahahaha!

    Ariel and Edward- BRILLIANT! Why didn’t I think of this scenario. No more mermaid having to change into a human- Eddie doesn’t have to breathe! He can become a merman!

    I laughed so damn hard today reading this. I still have tears in my eyes about the family dog.
    Thanks for that!

    • I love how you actually thought out the logistics of a Edward/Ariel-ship! Although I bet Flounder gets 10 shades of jealous.

      • Flounder = Jacob in “The Little Merpire”

  19. O.M.G. That Alice/Jasper picture is one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen. After the pregnant KStew pics, of course. I don’t understand these people!!!

    Hmm to be honest, I can’t even remember what 2007/2008 were like now. I didn’t get sucked into this mess until after I saw Twilight in November 2008. Although I do remember all the bumper stickers and flair on Facebook, and thinking what is the DEAL with this?! I should have given in and just read the books then, but I was too proud! Now that I think about my pre-Twi life though, I’m so happy I finally let myself get sucked in. I’m not gonna get all deep, but in many indirect ways it’s changed my life for the better, and helped shape the person I am right now. Also, how else would I have met Bobby Long twice? <3

  20. I got stuck on the Jasper wig for a minute there, and thought about how it is possible that they completely de-hot him in the movies. Maybe so he doesn’t compete too much with Rob’s hotness?

    And those preg pics….ugh. He should be about to rip the baby out, not staring lovingly…..he was against the pregnancy the whole time!

  21. Bahahhaahahahahahaaaahahaha! I so love you for this. Bad manips are HIL-AIR-IOUS!

    Way Back then, I think only LA and a few othes knew of the crazy. HOw much you wanna bet LA created the Bella Threesome, Eddie pic? (Hahaha, Lula, you know you love the threesomes.)

  22. Are the manips of Kristen and Esme the same body or just the same dress? Kstew looks about 12 and Esme looks hot…just sayin

    Pregnant Kstew=gag reflex
    I am disturbed.

  23. Ronald McDonald still creeps me out.. but 108 year old Ronald McDonald preying on a 17 year old.. RUN AWAY!

  24. I find regular pregnancy pics weird and creepy, but manips put me over the top in the gross out realm.

    ….backing slowly out of post.

  25. Had I been drinking anything, my computer screen would be soaked with it upon my viewing that Alice and Jasper picture.

    And Ariel as Bella???? ::sings:: Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the suuuuuun, sparklingwandering free; wish I could be, part of that woooooorld Hmmm, maybe it is applicable.

  26. Seeing Ariel in there has caused me to picture a sourpuss KStew grouped with all the Disney Princesses on all the sparkly pink paraphernalia they have out there… and it’s almost as awesome as these other atrocious manips.

    • DisneyStew??? Someone please photoshop this. My birthday is coming up.

  27. What can I say about these manips that hasn’t already been said? They are disturbing (although I do kinda dig Disney-styles Rob).

    Also, remember when there was a chance that the beloved DILF would direct Breaking Dawn? Me sad.

  28. Rob is gorge. That is all about that. (I’m a Gay unicorn, BTW. Not that that it is extraordinariliy (is that a word? Well, it is now….) important, but….

    All about the RobStu. ( I know it isn’t true, but just humor me….)
    :)

    • *extraordinarily*

      It IS a word! How ’bout that! :D

    • YES. we need more gay unicorns.

      • I agree wholeheartedly! :)

        I just know there are more out there. Twinks, lesbians, bears….

        No, wait… they’re NOT BEARS! They’re WOLVES! I mean, like, HUGE WOLVES! :D

    • Wait…..I’m confused by your screen name. You want me to Facepunch a unicorn?? ;)

      • Hahaha! NO! Ouch! :)

    • Tom? Is that you? I made you a present!

      http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2665/3877102926_d5a2e637af_o.jpg

      • Holy hell. I need that in t-shirt form.

      • THAT is the funniest thing I have seen in a very very long time! OMG!

      • That’s it, that just got printed and put up on my desk!

      • That just made my day.
        JodieO, you are brilliant!

        • *bows*

      • Tom will be so happy!

      • I am SO busted! Hey, I have to have something to do while my Robbie is doing all of these interviews! ;)

        LOVE that pic, it made my night… LOL!

    • Um.. Actually, I’m too all about RobStu. And it rhymes! Consider that my dorky welcome to you.

      • Haha, thanks!

  29. Oh, and loved the post! Nice pics!

    They… well… *blinks* were well *stutters* really, like…. well…. *dramatic gasp* worth like, *gasps* looking through.
    ;)

    • Yay! Unicorns make me smile.

    • You speak our language!

      • That’s Bella’s language!

  30. Wow. What an amazing week.

    Its been one of the bestest weeks ever!

    All the Rob, ALL the time. The gray pants (holla BINYC) the giggles, Fallon, JStew. I am overwhelmed and a new unicorn

    Mad jealous of those in NYC trapsing around , stalking HHH. Im living wishfully here in FL wanting to be up there ( RL sucks sometimes) or in London.

    Next week more Robler, the week after NM DVD release, so thoughtful that Summit would release it on my Bday. It was on my wish list, now if they would just send item #1 from the list I mailed them

    1. Rob wrapped in a bow delivered to my door. No Nick, Dean or Stephanie necessary.

  31. First Commenter! WHoot I love the REAL THING!

    • Dammit, Moderations sucks.

  32. And, Bella would have said:

    It doesn’t matter. I still want it. Still liking it. Please change me… hee hee hee

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