Reasons to keep blogging about vampires

Dear faithful readers,

Quite often we receive emails from our beloved readers and without a doubt a first time emailer always says something like this:

UC & Moon,

Oh I feel like I’m writing to celebrities! You guys have no idea how lost I was before I found you. I’ve just stopped working for the past 3 days to read EVERY SINGLE post you wrote in the past! I think you are so funny and smart and SO freakin’ beautiful. I mean, UC, have you considered sending in a picture to Rob? He’d drop whatsherface in a second if he knew what you looked like. I don’t know how you guys do it- write letters- each and every day!

Love,
Your biggest fan

Okay so maybe I made SOME of that up, but without a doubt, at least once a day we get asked “how do you do it day after day?” Whenever I get those emails I want to write back:

IT’S 11:48PM AND I HAVE TO BE IN BED AT MIDNIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE UP AT 6:30 FOR WORK AND I HAVEN’T WRITTEN A SINGLE WORD OF MY LETTER TOMORROW. SO HOW DO I DO IT EACH AND EVERY DAY? HOW ABOUT I STOP. DO YOU WANT TO WRITE MY LETTER TOMORROW?

All in caps like a 12 year old (or my grandmother) for emphasis. Because some days, and I’ll be honest MOST days these days, I have NO inspiration. Nothing to write. Usually “how” I do it day after day is that I heard the news, read something funny, got a brilliant idea during the day at work. I start a draft or jot down ideas in no real form and then later that night when I’m home, I spend a little bit of time crafting it into a letter. The problem THESE days is that there’s no ideas flowing while at work. There’s no news to speak of or no funny things to make funnier. So no draft gets written, and I get home and want to watch the Olympics/Gossip Girl/Anything just so that I don’t have to write my letter. And that’s NOT fun.

But I don’t want to stop blogging about Vampires. I like blogging about vampires. (And I should probably add on to the “vampire-blogging” title and include things NOT related really at ALL to vampires but still somehow all relate back to vampires, like: pedophilia/monkeys/buttcracks/olive garden/lesbianism/XXL polo shirts/Taylor Swift/Paris’ Hilton’s ex’s etc. etc. etc.)

But I need encouragement. I need to remember WHY I do this. So I’ve decided to create a document. For Moon too because she’s in the same boat I am. Here are the reasons I came up with for why I can’t stop blogging about vampires:

Big Daddy Lautner1. We still haven’t met Big Daddy: The cream of the crop, the creme de la creme, the goal, my life’s mission and once it’s done I can die happy. And it hasn’t happened yet. Do you think it’s gonna happen if I give up LTT and go back to my boring blog with 58 followers (Aww that was mean- I love my boring blog. Sorry boring blog) NO. I must keep blogging about Vampires in order to hopefully one day meet Big Daddy Daniel Lautner, former pilot now In-N-Out destroyer/Olive Garden supporter. I know that the more I mention “Fish-o-filet” sammys in my letters, the better chance we’ll come up in a google search result for “Fish-O-Filet” and Big Daddy will see our site and think “They want to meet me!?” So if you’re reading this Big Daddy Daniel Lautner, Yes! We want to meet you. And we want to throw our hands 1/4 a way around you in a big hug. Or grab a bunch of friends to do a group hug so we can reach all the way around.

2. We still have two- maybe three- more movies: (F-M-L) And with epicness like Buttcrack Santa in Twilight, strong KungFu and “they’re not bears” in New Moon, you KNOW whatever Eclipse and Breaking Dawn #1 and #2 will bring will be THAT MUCH MORE EPIC! I mean, imagine all the jokes we’ll make when Taylor has to act like a guy/wolf in love eventually but not yet with a CGI baby. I mean, we’re gonna see Kristen with a prosthetic stomach. We HAVE to be around for that! The fandom needs us. We can’t let someone think “Oh, that’s not as awkward as I thought it was gonna be.” You’re wrong, fandom. We know this already. It is MORE awkward and we have to be around to remind you of that daily!

Meet Boo-Boo. Does that move look familiar?

3. Where will all your fine readers go? Back to boring un-named blogs that say things like “Here is a picture of Boo-boo Stewart hugging a little child. How sweet” NO! That cannot happen! There will be a day, mark my words, probably the summer between 9th and 10th grades, when Boo Boo’s balls drop, his voice deepens, he grows taller and muscular and confesses that “Boo Boo” was what his mom started calling him when he came in the house crying at age three saying “boo boo on my knee. boo boo on my knee” and his real name is James or Tim. And do you think the OTHER un-named boring sites will say, “Call Chris Hansen. James/Tim Stewart has entered our radar. Hold me back.” I don’t think so.

4. Someone needs to keep Kellan accountable in his faith. It’s tough being the hot piece of man meat that he is. He wants to stray. He wants to take those Calvin’s OFF but he doesn’t. Cuz he knows we’re watching. That’s why he climbed in a tree and read his Men of Faith Bible that he got at a Promise Keeper’s conference in 2005 with his dad and Uncle Jerry. If we weren’t around that would be him, naked in a tree reading a Hustler mag. We need to do this for Kellan.

So, faithful readers, I got us started but help me finish the list. Why should we keep on blogging about vampires. I will take the best reasons, add them to what I started and put the list into PDF form, laminate two copies, mail one to Moon, make her memorize it and say it EVERY day as our mantra.

Your faithful vampire blogger,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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190 Responses

  1. Everybody gather round and listen to my song
    I’ve only got one

    Keep on keeping on, ya’ll
    Keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on

    • marry me, fang.

  2. Renesmee.

    • Oh, and also this: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=37339934

      • *Jaw drops* I don’t know which frightens me more… Renesmee or that… that… thing. *shudder*

        • Definitely that thing. Ewww.

          • yep. It also has dry hump toy written all over it.

          • Someone will combine this with The Vamp.

          • I thought the same thing! Well there’s a a fun sewing project! Creepy Pilloward, meet The Vamp. You two are now going to be one in the same.

          • That thing looks like those aliens on Kamino in Star Wars episode II.

          • I’m sure there’s a Jacob one too…I’d rather just have me a life size Wookie…

        • oh, hell no! I’m dying!!

          The one I made is much cuter!!

          http://www.facebook.com/#!/album.php?aid=149227&id=743909005

        • Creepy molester pillow (shutter). Besides, he is missing his hot pockets.

      • Her family and friends are worried.

      • Ok, that’s just wrong!!!

        • I meant the Edward pillow is wrong, not the comments! Oops!

      • Disturbing

      • PS- Is that chick doing a leg hitch with the Robward pillow thing? WTF?

      • why are you putting pics up from my bedroom? that is MY pillow.

      • That is truly frightening…and depressing.

      • OMG…I was not prepared for that. Grape juice all over my keyboard and my textbook. THAT is some scary !

  3. You must keep blogging because we all love you. Don’t make me get mushy. Sometimes my life sucks – bad. And this site provides the only laugh I might have that day.

    Think of it this way. You’re providing a public service by keeping us laughing and hanging on to our (un)healthy Twilight addiction.

    I don’t say it enough: Thank you UC & Moon!!

    • Exactly what she said!

    • What she said. Also, no pressure.

      • haha thanks :)

    • Right on TooOld!
      UC & Moon you guys are so funny and funny is like Taylors muscles. You’ve got to keep working them everyday to keep them strong and invincible. You two are serious Arnold Schwarzenegger-in-the-80′s- buff in the sense of humor department.

      Excercise your funny, you make us happy.

    • I most definintely second this too. Some days coming here is the only sane part of my day.

      • Looks someone could use more office renditions of movie monsters and post-it fights.

        • You lost our last post-it fight big time, darling. Don’t make me come up there again. You KNOW that next time, I’ll be bringing my dear colleague’s ammo. That should scare you.

          • purple glitter pen.

          • No… one million different types of Post-Its, of all colours and sizes. AND two giant feathery glitter pens, one pink, one purple. FEAR ME.

    • you are WELCOME!

    • Exactly. I don’t often have time to stay and play, but I visit/lurk every day.

      Thank you for making me laugh and for making me feel completely normal.

      I <3 UC & Moon!

  4. Don’t stop.

    You guys have to keep blogging because, like tooold said, when life gets sucky, sometimes this site provides the only laugh I have that day.

    Not to mention it forces me to get up at a decent time every morning so I can come read!
    <3

  5. Midnight Sun still isn’t published.

    We haven’t figured out why the heck Emmett is holding a bag of eggs.

    Cougar Cathy still hasn’t been spotted trying to grope Rob in public.

    Two words: Breaking Dawn.

    The imminent end of Robsten.

    And because I’d miss you. *sniffles*

    • *runs in*

      ROBSTEN FOREVER!!!

      *flashes crowd* *sprints away*

      *hurdles fence* *foot gets caught* *falls on face*

      *jumps up* *laughs hysterically* *dies of embarrassment*

      • *sigh* Did Chim send you? Honestly.

    • WHAT’S WITH THE FREAKING EGGS?!?!

      • oddly enough, last night my hubby and i were watching Twilight and when Emmett walked into the cafeteria for the first time he i “noticed” that he was holding that zip-lock baggie of eggs.
        so i said to my hubby “why in the world is Emmett carring eggs? that’s so stupid, he doesn’t eat.”
        hubby said “b/c he’s supposed to be a big buff dude and it’s a prop b/c people know body-builder guys eat a lot of eggs.”
        me: “oh, okay, i get that.”
        i finally feel like i can let that go… it’s a prop for the fellow students, like why they get trays of food that they don’t eat, they just pick to pieces.
        Yea! i hope that provides a satisfying answer to y’all too!

        • I still think it’s kind of weird but that does make sense enough for me to start sleeping again at night!! Thanks to your hubs for that!

        • That is a good explanation. It makes sense that he would be trying to convince people he was human… but a dozen hard-boiled eggs? All the muscleheads I know drink an ungodly amount of protein powder drinks… Okay, okay, I’ll let it drop. Thank your hubby for me, I can finally sleep tonight!

          • Wait, do you think the Cullen fridge is just full of hard-boiled eggs for him to carry around? Does he just throw away perfectly good eggs every day? Does he boil a fresh dozen every morning? Because you know after awhile they’d start to smell…

            Okay, someone sedate me. Please.

          • I want an omlete.

        • Oh, yeah. Like the meat patties.

      • and why aren’t they in a box?

        • Keeping in mind the source of these thoughts: ;)

          1. Emmett keeps a hen house full of chickens in case he wants a midnight “drink” w/o having to travel far..
          2. I always thought that he carried the eggs to help “cover up” the smell of ALL that human blood in the cafe..(as everyone knows those boiled eggs stink) ! Especially helpful for Jasper!

          Why you should keep writing the blog?
          Because we keep reading it!
          Where else do I have to go? (Edwards voice)
          To laugh and learn (I have learned more here about more topics than in my real life,…sad I know)
          We are a “family” now and family’s take care of one and other (Carlise’s voice)
          I don’t want to go anywhere else…
          Your both like a drug to me..my own personal brand of valium..from this crazy world I now live in…
          I need/want/nave to be here every morning….its no longer a choice…

          xoxox to UC/Moon from my <3

    • DAMN these are ALL good reasons!!

  6. Where else would I learn such important life lessons on topics such as vampire hygiene and how to diagnose vag allergies?

    Bottom line-I love you guys! Keep bringing it!!

    • True. There are just some lessons in life that Saved by the Bell and Full House can’t teach you. If it doesn’t have to do with asking for help because you’re doped up on caffeine pills or how you shouldn’t lie when you shrink your sister’s sweater in the wash after you borrow it without asking, LTT is there.

      • Let this be a lesson to you all!!!

        • *sobered* Will you be my Zac Morris? Will you wear your best Miami Vice attire and pretend you really believe my pitiful attempts at acting? Will you go back in time and tell me that if Demi can’t even pull off a stripper movie, no way in hell should I take it all off?

          I’m so scared . . .

        • Powerful. Powerful stuff.

          • oh hell, I remember this episode! I’m old

        • If I was any good at video editing, I’d dub the audio from this into the Italy scene in NM. Or maybe dub it into a Cougawicke interview? Really, the possibilities of some kind of Saved by the Twi mash-up are endless.

  7. Famous ladies man… Chief Swan!

    • ooh, the cop-stash… a true source of inspiration!

  8. What would you do with your time. besides Rob would kill youand have you for lunch. http://defutebol.net

    • I think this makes the cut! You’re right, bobbygee, you don’t want to get on a vampire’s bad side. What’s that? Rob’s not a vampire? Shhh….

    • Well hell.

      If Rob is going to have you for lunch, I’d quit immediately.

      Even though I had a dream about Rob trying to eat me (not that way, perv!) the other night and it was far from pleasant. Terrifying, really. Damn fanfic.

      • I did dream about Rob eating me in the other way. It was pretty great.

        PS: There is no other Twilight blog that I can right this sort of unsavoury stuff in the comments!

        • I’ve had TWO Twilight dreams. Both involved fanfic and both involved me almost dying. No sexy times. Boooooooooo.

          I wonder if that is some kind of sign?

          • My dinner party last night consisted of food from a dinner party from fanfic. My life is sad. I killed it though, just so ya know. If it’s possible, I actually gained awesome points doing that. I’m at lifetime WIN status.

          • DreamRob sold me a house once. The kitchen wall was blocking the door of the fridge. I need some answers too.

          • Boooooo. Sounds like you all need to eat whatever Shleeigh’s eating before bed. I’ve never had a Twilight dream, but I did have an odd snippet of an LTT nightmare the other morning, in between snooze button mashings number 4 and 5.

            High five to Sparky. Did you actually tell anyone how you came up with the menu? You are amazing in all ways. Except . . . I still win.

          • No. No one knew. As much as I would have enjoyed talking to the other agents’ wives about “unfading the black” and a world where the boxblock doesn’t exist, starting a conversation with, “guess where I got the idea for paella. GUESS!” just seemed like a sure fire way to open up a can of crazy they might not want to purchase.
            And Pizz, there was actually a recount last night. It turns out that I do, in fact, win. So….this is awkward.

          • As much as I love you for such language as “unfading the black” and “boxblocking,” I must stand fast.

            It’s me. It’s always been me. I. WIN.

            Finit.

          • I wish I could recommend some awesome Twilight dream inducing food, but my dreams comes as a result of pure sexual frustration. I don’t recommend this.

          • I have never read fanfic (yet) and all my Twilight dreams end in sexy times…and then the dream crosses into reality and I wake up (see my comment further down). Pretty sure it’s most definitely NOT normal but the real-life fellow Twifreak I told was totally jealous. Also I am pretty sure it’s ruined any future real-life sexy times experiences for me, because I know they will never live up or reach the levels of fantasticness of those dreams. I’m so cool.

  9. Um, I’m having a Bella like stutter fit over this…

    wha? I..don..you…no, no, no…you jus…don’t ever…why?..

    Being able to speak clearly is very important to me and that is the number 1 reason you need to keep blogging.

    • Please don’t leave us alone in the forest, wandering aimlessly with a hole in our chests.

    • hahahah brill!

    • this killed me. love it sassysmart

  10. If you went away we’d all have to *work* at work. You don’t want to be responsible for that.

    • Eeeeeexactly.

      There will come a day when I will be trying to procrastinate about all my TPS reports, and I will cruise on over here to find the same letter I read the day before, with no new comments. Perhaps the letter will be a week old. Perhaps a month. And I will have to actually go complete those TPS reports. And my universe will spin off its axis.

      It will not be pretty. There will be wailing. Gnashing of teeth. Rending of garments in twain.

      And on your heads be it.

      (I can get creepier/more threatening. Lemme know if it’s needed.)

      • *grabs popcorn*
        By all means, proceed with the creepiness.

      • You can continue your creepiness AFTER you read the EP update.

        GO!

        • Done and done.

          [cue continued creepiness]

          If you guys shut down, I’ll have no other public venue for dryhumping Fang.

          A travesty, indeed.

          • You know, Pizz, we are the hawtest couple. Who woulda thought the hawt librarian would end up with a mulletted vampire?

            True love is blind.

            *dryhumps*

            *grabs boobs*

            *grosses out entire family of LTT commenters and lurkers*

            Yeah, we are a family. You can’t stand some of your relatives but you still have to love them, right? That’s how I feel about y’all.

            Muah!

          • You may be the pretty one, but you don’t have anyone fooled. Everyone knows you’re all about the party in the back.

            *clings to Sparky* *whispers* She may actually kill me for that. Hold me. Until Chim comes after you. Then get away from me.

          • Must. Not. Make. Comment.

            It would be a bad day in the hot tub. Chim’s going to see my comment about sending Fang to protect Robsten’s honor already. The multitude of InyerfaceyoudolikethepartyinthebackULALstyle comments would just ensure my drowning.

            But Fang. You do.

            *continues to wear lifetime WIN sash and tiara*

          • She really does. Don’t tell whiteyorkie. He’ll shrinkwrapsplode.

            *accepts Nobel Prize for Win*

          • I will neither confirm nor deny your allegations.

            Three words.

            Use the lube.

            *accepts Pandora peace prize from Blue Jake*

          • *hands over win sash and tiara*

            seriously. Shrinkwrapsplode. I hand this over in sheer awe. Dood. You. WIN.

      • Sounds like Office Space meets Fight Club

        • I am Jack’s stapler stealer. Mmmmkay? *slurps coffee*

          • i <3 u!

          • <3 you back!

          • I love both of you. Irrevocably.

          • Damn it, Tuesday.

    • Truth!

    • @JodieO….FANTASTIC….AS USUAL!!! ;)

      • I try.

        HUGS!

    • Again accident downthumbs, WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!?? Apologies

      • No probs. For a minute I thought my boss was lurking about. ;P

        • haha exactly i thought “a business owner dislikes that!”

  11. You should keep blogging about vampires because:

    1. One day soon Cougar Cathy and Solomon Trimble will finally lose their shit and pass out drunk in front of the Summit headquarters – and I’m counting on your coverage of this event.

    2. It is vital that you keep Oregano’s persona fresh in our and especially KStew’s memory and keep plotting their reunion – it gives us and TomStu a sense of (false) comfort.

    3. Nobody but you guys gave Mike Welch a well earned appreciation and I’m counting on you to keep reporting on the stages of his facial transformations.

    ………..

    I could go on and on, but ultimately, we need you guys. All of this will eventually die down, I’m sure, but for now it is essential for Twi-world to have a blog that keeps it real and occasionally pisses off Summit by not being up theirs all the time.

    • i think all THREE of those are making the final list!

  12. Men need you. You showed girls the snail and made everything else look amazing in comparison.

    • Also, I still want my prize damn it! :p

      • it’s COMING!

  13. OK I’ll just be blunt for a moment and say the reason we need you is because Twilight fans are lame. No one likes them, really, thanks to a few bad eggs like the one who made that really creepy etsy pillow, and are generally the target of jokes anywhere and everywhere these days. It can be, quite frankly, embarassing to be a Twilight fan. Especially when you are an intelligent student/worker/mother/etc. with real life responsibilities, and other interests, whether it be in literature, art, the sciences, law, gardening, cooking, etc.; the last thing you want to tell anyone is that you like *that Twilight series.* Suddenly you’ll lose all “street cred” and “everyone else” will just assume you’re either a) immature b) creepy c) emo d) a sexual predator e) have pitiful taste in literature f) incapable of having a real romantic relationships g) mormon h) going through a quarter-life or mid-life or 3/4-life crisis i) a scary mom who wants to be exactly like her children etc. I mean, who wants to be like that? Not us. So we have two choices. We can either hide our love for Twilight inside and hope that we will never just lose it, which will no doubt lead to a weekend of “binge Twilighting” at a Twihard convention in the Midwest, attending seminars on why Bella is like Juliet and wearing nothing but sheets, feathers, and blue makeup (for the bruises) for the Sat. night costume party; or, we can just admit to everyone that we are a Twilight fan and hope no one assumes we’re any of those things above, risking our self-respect and credibility as a result; or finally, we have the option of being a regular visitor and commentor on LTT, where each and every day we can freely express our passion about Twilight without feeling lame, pathetic, or suffering a loss of credibility; where we can find intellectually stimulating conversation in Twilosophy or KStew discussions; where we can laugh about the lameness of some Twilight fan art while crying over the beauty of Twilgiht-inspired art that’s actually quite incredible; where we’re allowed to be funny, witty, clever, #drunktweet, say something off-colour without being judged (too much… sometimes those thumbsdowns are a real downer); where everyone “gets” the Twilight thing, and knows that Twilight *should* be lame, but loves it anyway and doesn’t have to explain why and can love and enjoy it yet isn’t afraid of being judged (except by The Font/White Yorkie).

    And finally, because this is where we’re guaranteed a Cullen smile each and every day.

    Keep it up girls! :)

    • I’d like to start a slow clap for this comment. Word.

      • *clap*……*clap*…..*clap*….*clap*…*clap**clap**clap*

        You said it all, operarose!

        • Thanks! I just want to add that I seriously cannot imagine Breaking Dawn without LTT. More likely than not it will be an “interesting” (read: 2nd hand embarassing) movie and we’ll need LTT to help us get through it.

          • I don’t think I could take Breaking Dawn without LTT.

            Seriously.

          • As usual Opera..PERFECTLY SAID!!! <3 you!

          • B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!

      • I take any chance I get to join a slow clap.

        • zomg. heart you

      • I stopped washing dishes and pulled my husband in from his whittling in the garage for this:

        • *dry humps*

        • we should have this at least once for every post.

      • you are hilariuos

    • Yeah. What she said.

    • this is the epicness of epic comments!!!

    • someone already posted the slow clap video so ill just say ditto. im dying on this..

      We can either hide our love for Twilight inside and hope that we will never just lose it, which will no doubt lead to a weekend of “binge Twilighting” at a Twihard convention in the Midwest

    • AMEN!

    • whoaaaa…okay, I’m feeling compelled to reply to your slow clap and <3 (thank you) but not sure how.

      So, I'll just leave a BIG virtual <3 to you all because you are a fun group to chat & comment with every day!

      Now I will proceed to fumble with and subsequently drop my popcorn, blink and stutter, and run offstage.

  14. Uh, all my reasons were covered…

    1. Sometimes my days are shitty, but I always start them off with a few laughs here.
    2. I’d have to do WORK otherwise.
    3. You guys really do make the Twi fandom seem more normal and acceptable.
    4. You’re both “so FREAKIN’ beautiful”
    5. Because the guaranteed lulz that will come along with Breaking Dawn are too good to pass up.

    Love you guys for what you do around here!

    • WORD!!!

  15. With all the epic funny of Twilight and New Moon as in all the shit we laugh at but no one else gets…is what keeps me coming back for more. Moon and UC, you get it. You don’t stand on a soapbox preaching that these movies are the best thing ever made. You know they are funny in that they can be horrendous to watch sometimes. I plan on sticking around for the next 2-3 movies and laughing my ass off at the one liners and bad wigs and Bella looking nonemotional and promising big hugs to the future directors who might get it right. I am committed to staying around for that damn CGI baby too. You ladies make me want to shave some $ off the wedding fund and go to Forks because I think we all know that’s normal. Dammit.

    • it IS Normal.

  16. Damn you Summit! Throw UC & Moon a few bones so they can have some fresh new pics/videos to break down. Please!

    I might have to quit my job if you guys stop blogging. Like everyone else said, you have to be around for BD. We’ll need an outlet after we cringe our way through 2 movies. Thank you ladies for all of your hard work! Much love

  17. Where else am I gonna go? TwilightMoms website? *shudder*

    • 1984893.87 thumbs up for this one. I stopped by there once…it was scary. Really, really, really scary.

      • I can’t even bring myself to look. I don’t know that I could refrain from making a Roblor joke. Or that I could run fast enough if I did.

        • I made the mistake of signing up and trying to post a few times. I got a virtual slap on the wrist for my sense of humor. They take their Twilight very seriously over there – we’re talking Tweed serious!

          • Wow. Like, with elbow patches and everything?

            *low whistle*

            I don’t have that much respect. I’m a heathen.

          • Elbow patches and bifocals and Werther’s in the pockets.

          • Most of them have that or that’s how serious it is?

          • It’s hard to say.

  18. Dear UC and Moon,
    *puts on Kate Winslet wig*
    Never let go!
    *cries and throws priceless jewelry into the ocean*

    • Damnit woman! Don’t you realize how foolish that is? Sure, it might give you just the kind of closure you need to finally put the other foot in the grave, but think of your children! Your grandchildren! Hell, think of your great-great-grandchildren! For the love of all that is green and covered in dead Presidents’ faces, get ahold of yourself!

      Put the damn rock back in your nightgown pocket. Go back to bed. Relive the moments in the Model T. Ask yourself if maybe there wasn’t actually room for two on that damn door after all.

      • There was room for two. Move you’re ass over and lay on your side. Leo’s skinny, he would have fit.

      • Ugh – do you remember that old Britney Spears video where she was dressed in a cherry fruit roll-up and had an astronaut boyfriend in the video, and he came back to earth or something and gave her the “heart of the ocean” necklace and Britney was all “oh but I thought the old lady dropped it in the middle of the ocean” and it was the worst video ever?

        • She was wearing a red latex unitard. She has my undying respect.

          • Major chaffing – that’s all I can think about!

      • i just read this outloud to my husband. he gave me a high five

  19. This is the most awful news and quite frankly, it scares me. I can not have this blog become another Midnight Sun, right in the middle of a good thing and then just suddenly – nothing, it all stops. And if it does, I envision myself in tattered clothes, crazy hair and dirty (no, really, this is me – not KStew, I’m envisioning) just cowering over my laptop reading archives over and over, and every now and then shouting out while sobbing “UC, Moon, bobbygee…where did y’all go?!” Oh, this scares me so.

    • haha we’re the new Midnight sun!

  20. LTT
    Comments in haiku
    That is all

  21. Because where the heck else am I going to be able to say I had a dream about Taylor/Jacob Black and woke up in the middle of the night to find myself doing what Bella has to do to herself ’cause Edward won’t put out?!?!?!? Really! This happened and where else could I share that with pride rather than creepy shame?!?!?!? We love you and you make the mundane ridiculous and awesome!

  22. The sanity of countless women (and by extension, countless men) is in your hands. Seriously. You belong with us. *Bella voice* We want you to stay. *Edward voice*

    • Very simply put and exactly to the point! All of our sanity is at risk if you were to stop blogging!

  23. I’m sure they’d never just abandon us..right?…RIGHT? When the day finally comes that all 5 movies are out in a one-box mega edition, all the jokes are done & dusted, they’ll ask us all to throw a worldwide Twi-party culminating in some form of happening where many people in many time zones simultaneously blend their Edward dolls. We could film it & make it all into the biggest hit youtube has ever seen.

    And also – without LTT where am I going to advertise, let alone sell my *alternative* twi-merchandise?

    You’ve already heard about the Incontinence Jorts for the older or more excitable Twilighter…you will miss other *unique* treats such as La Tua Cantante Tampons, that gently play Bella’s Lullaby when they are full of your sweet sweet blood….or my attempt to rebrand the menopause as ‘Doing a Leah’….’Transform the Menopaws with Leah Clearwater hormone replacement patches’….

    I’m even thinking of writing a Letter To Twilight about all these missed merchandising opportunities. Each & every one of them highly inappropriate/tasteless/reliant on the indignities of old age.

    Oh & if this is the last time I ever post it’s because I’m going to listen to the podcast in the car on the way to work. I take this risk knowingly. So farewell, & thanks for all the sparkles, just in case. XXX

    • Yes! You must write a letter/marketing plan for all of your brilliant ideas! It will not only be awesome for us, the readers, but it will give UC and Moon a much needed break! Perhaps we all just need to write some awesome letters and send them in more frequently to help ease their burden…

      • DO IT DO IT DO IT!

        • All I ask is that when you decide to leave us, look us in the eye and say, “I don’t want you to come.”

    • I . . . I just . . . the tampons? *died*

      I have two business degrees. Have your people call my people.

      • For serious! I do graphic design and I would REALLY love to do the illustrations for the La Tua Cantante tampons and the Menopaws patches! Please please please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Between all of us on here I really think we can make all of these things a ginormous hit!

      • I have my BSN. Can I medically endorse the use of these? Can we make an infomercial?

  24. why are there only 4 reasons?

    • cuz it was 11:48

  25. You make me laugh almost every day. You are brills and awesome and my online BFFs. You can’t leave me!

  26. I have lurked for years, and never posted. However, after reading your letter today, I flipped over to my twitter account, and this was the latest tweet:

    twisource We’ll be announcing all 11 official dates and locations for our 2010 Imprint Summer Tour later today!

    Seriously. That is why you must continue. “Imprint Summer Tour.” The fodder for that alone is priceless.

    And, as a proud lurker of the TwilightMom’s website, I agree–I enjoy my twiobsession like the next twisexual, but can’t take it *that* seriously. ;-)

    • hahahaha that’s SO true…..

  27. Random thought for the day: I love James Stewart. He’s so yummy in Philadephia Story.

    I think it’s funny how in the Boo Boo Pic he’s doing his little carnival trick and the audience around his is completely uninterested. Poor Boo Boo!

    • Well, you’ve got to do little circus acts AND have a bouffant AND wear lipstick to get noticed in this crowd.

    • Booboo?! I totally thought that was Taytay in his younger days!

  28. I don’t think I have any reasons to add to the list everyone else has compiled, but I do want to say thank you, UC&Moon. You’ve given countless people so much laughter and a place to call home. Even the people who will never comment and never email you are immensely benefitted by this blog.

    • Yes! This blog is like a morning radio show.

      Thank you for giving us a home. I am new here and would really miss this little slice of “normal”. Seriously, I am so grateful that because of this blog I can’t look at the title without reading “New Poon” or “Vampax”.

  29. Had another thought…(on special days, I often get more than one)

    UC/Moon: If you ever run out of things to write(neverwouldhappen) on this blog, just spend a day/month or so re-reading everyones posts…you could then do a whole decade of posts about the posts and the postee’s! I know..I could have said comments…but UC..YOU know I have a thing for Post-(its)….ok maybe I should stick (yes post-it reference again) to my one thought for the day…. ;)

    • @MidCyn – Great idea!

      I’ve missed you! Haven’t been on LTT much lately, but also missed you in e-mail. I sent you some nice Edward and Bella pics. Hope you got them!

  30. UC and Moon,

    Please don’t stop blogging! I will have to start cleaning the house and taking care of my kids then! Where else will I learn about the tuck, the snail, the dragon, the Sonic (Taylor) hedgehog, and creepy uncle Rob! I mean really, if you don’t show me pics of these nasty things then I will really turn into a nasty sex deprived housewife!

    Your shortest fan,

    3hboyshouse

    PS. I have not been the first commenter yet, so you can’t stop until I have reached my goal!!! I am working on it, just can’t get my arse outta bed!!

    • I wanna know how tall you are? Cause if your truly outing yourself as being your shortest fan..then I will feel compelled to confess that I am the oldest fan and I don’t want to tell anyone that….ok….

      • I think David Slade may be a bit shorter than me so he is probably UC and Moon shortest fan, but I am short. 5’2″ on a super tall day, so…

        I doubt you are the oldest fan, but even if you are, we are all old enough to know better and I am still just old and short!

        I heart you!

        • hahahaha… I think I wanna keep doing this to one day have you and David Slade stand back to back..

  31. Just a li’l encouragement for the blah days.

    1. Because today is Youtube day at LTT.
    2. Because Twilight fic > Glee fic, but not even Rob’s songs sound this good. *gasp*

    • I would like for it to be known that I started the video posting. That makes me win more.

      You are correct. Glee fanfic kinda sucks. Where is the good stuff? Anyway, Finn > Rob. I love him and want to have his hot tub baby. Do you think he would sing to the sonogram? Tell my daddy in song? Get pummeled by my father for being so brazen?

      Tonight I will lounge in a hot tub waiting on him. Wish me luck!

      • You did start it, and you are awesome, but I now have the sash and tiara and Nobel Win prize.

        ^^^^^ Still winning up here.

        Finn IS > Rob musically. But I KNOW you aren’t saying Finn > Rob in any other way. Not possible.

  32. UC and Moon,

    Please don’t stop blogging! I will have to start cleaning the house and taking care of my kids then! Where else will I learn about the tuck, the snail, the dragon, the Sonic (Taylor) hedgehog, and creepy uncle Rob! I mean really, if you don’t show me pics of these nasty things then I will really turn into a nasty sex deprived housewife!

    Your shortest fan,

    3hboyshouse

    PS. I have not been the first commenter yet, so you can’t stop until I have reached my goal!!! I am working on it, just can’t get my arse outta bed!!

  33. oh my gosh, the boo boo on my knee and kellan leaving the calvins on had me in stitches!!

    looove this post

  34. Stephanie Meyer herself stalks this blog. Nuff said.

    • good reminder!

  35. UC & Moon,

    Look at what you’ve created here! It’s the best.

    I can’t imagine a blog out there that is more interesting, creative or dirtier than this one. Ok, there are dirtier ones…but still… I learn so much here everyday.

    Thanks for making my life so much more fun and giving me something to do while I’m at work. Sadly, I don’t have the strength to stay away from here.

    p.s. Operarose, your post said it all!!! I <3 you for that.

  36. Moon and UC. It has all been said before, but if you want my encouragement, that is what you will get!

    Thank you.
    For making me laugh.
    For keeping up on all the ‘news’ I want but can’t or don’t have time to find on my own.
    For killing time in doctors’ offices with me.
    For bonding me closer to my real life friends.
    For providing a place to find new friends who won’t judge my obsessions. For giving me a place to let off steam.
    For breaking it down Vanity Fair style, like I do in my head…
    For making me feel better about breaking things down Vanity Fair style in my everyday life.
    For making me and SingleStrand feel like celebs for a day.
    For inspiring me to stick with commitments (it really is amazing that you two post everyday. Reading fanfic is pretty much the only thing I reliably do everyday;)

    I vow to put on my Moon/UC cap and send ideas if I think of any. I vow to spread the virus that is all things Twilight and Rob. I vow to be more appreciative in the future. I vow to remind you to send that sexy pic of you to Rob (geez you are so forgetful! Get on that (him) already!)

    Again. Thank you. Keep up the good work!

    • I am subbing for a bunch of 6th graders tomorrow. I need some fanfic recs. fast. (for me, not them. Or maybe for them, depending on how good the little heathens are).

      • Try “Hide and Drink” on Twilighted. Creepy, but good.

      • Finished or Unfinished is always the question… I just started Sound of Your Voice, but it is not very far along. Likewise for This Hungry World (LolaShoes is always great). Twitter has been talking about Spy Games.

  37. Dear UC & Moon,
    Now that Taylor is all growed up Big Daddy will be checking up on his ‘things to do now that I don’t have to follow the brat around anymore…unless it’s back to France nb upgrade camcorder’ list, and you know somewhere in there if not at the very top is Meet UC & Moon, those chicks so deserve a real Lautner hug.

  38. Moon and UC. It has all been said before, but if you want my encouragement, that is what you will get!

    Thank you.
    For making me laugh. For keeping up on all the ‘news’ I want but can’t or don’t have time to find on my own. For killing time in doctors’ offices with me. For bonding me closer to my real life friends. For providing a place to find new friends who won’t judge my obsessions. For breaking it down Vanity Fair style, like I do in my head. For making me and SingleStrand feel like celebs for a day. For inspiring me to stick with commitments (it really is amazing that you two post everyday. Reading fanfic is pretty much the only thing I reliably do everyday;)

    • And… I vow to put on my Moon/UC thinking hat and send ideas if I think of any. I vow to spread the virus that is all things Twilight and Rob. I vow to be more appreciative in the future. I vow to remind you to send that sexy pic of you to Rob (geez you are so forgetful! Get on that (him) already!)

      Again. Thank you. Keep up the good work!

  39. Unitl today, I didn’t know who Boo Boo Stewart was. I saw it on the categories list, but I always thought it was a nickname for KStew… like maybe she got that nickname on here because she doesn’t smile and someone commented, “awwww, why don’t you smile Kristen, do you always have a boo boo?”

    • HAHAHA! That is awesome and along the lines with what I thought it was for! But that was like, months ago, before I read a year’s worth of entries in about 2 weeks…Now we are both in the know – surely this will be useful trivia one day….

      • haha. Wow, read a year of the blog in 2 weeks, impressive. I am s-l-o-w.

  40. No!
    You can never give up blogging about vampires!!
    You have been my saviours over the last year, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE IF I HADN’T FOUND YOU!!!! (In caps for emphasis, natch.)
    Seriously.
    If you give up blogging about vampires, it would just be over. (And by that, I mean my life). Like the guy from the first alien movie – “It’s all over, man.” Guilt trip time – do you WANT to end my life? I’m going to assume (unless of course you’re one of my ex’s who hates me) that the answer is no.
    In conclusion, never stop blogging. Like, ever.

  41. <3 your face cheese ball.

  42. OH my gosh. I wasn’t at work today. Long story- it has something to do with Jay Leno & a witch, but I just caught up on the comments. I didn’t mean for this to turn into a “encourage UC & moon” session but I’m so glad it did b/c I got a major Cullen Smile. You guys are SO amazing! There’s really only one reason to do this each and every day- b/c of you. And I’m not just saying that. Moon & I were just talking about how even some of our closest real life friends don’t read the blogs or never really have…. obviously we don’t do it for them- we would have quit long ago. no- we do it because we love it. We do it for us. And of course … for you guys. It woudln’t be as fun if there was no one to laugh along.

    I’m serious about our mantra- I wrote down my fav ideas you mentioned. I’ll put it all together and let you see it soon!
    XOXOXOXOXOOXOOXOXOXOXO

  43. *comes out of lurk mode*

    LTT has to be around when you guys take one for the team and attend a 2nd hand embaressing Twi-convention, not only to give us a play by play but to motivate Kellan to stay on the righteous path while having a prom picture taken with him.

    AND lastly, and THE most important reason why LTT should be around… is without you guys, I may never know whether PattinsonPantsLady has realised my dreams of 2nd hand embaressment by making and sporting a PattinsonTweedBlazer. Cause seriously… That inevitable post would be WIN.

  44. I applaud your stamina, both of you. I’ve told you often in the last year that I don’t know how you keep it up, other than that you are both brilliant, of course.

    The funny thing is that this week I was thinking about this very same topic. E Fabulous keeps me posted on what you’re posting when she can, and I just had a random thought this week: “How do they do it?” Another random thought was wondering what ever happened to the Promise Keepers. Weird you should bring them up.

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