Ashley Greene’s been cheating on Freya

*Join Freya as she pens a letter to Ashley Greene and confronts her about their relationship*

The beginning of a beautiful relationship

Dear LOVAH (I mean, Dear Ashley Greene),

Ever since Twilight, I knew you were the one.  Sure, KStew’s got the pins to DIE for, and Rachelle has that fiery red hair, and even Nikki has that je ne sais quois, but you–you were the one I knew I would go fake lez for.  (I’ve seen the pics of you and Rachelle—I knew you would be down.)  And you have been such a gracious fake lady love.  You were the perfect BFF in Twilight and New Moon, and I felt like we TOTALLY bonded.  Especially when I realized that you was so much less stutter-y than Bella.  I like my to ladies look good, and you did that, too.  Except for the MTV Movie Awards, where clearly you were trying to allow me to shine as I sat at home wearing my sweats.  You were a little sexy, but a little classy, too.  You even filmed that movie with Kellan where you looked slightly “butch” in those sporty clothes.  I figured that was a little wink and a nod to our fake lesbian relationship.

Awwwww pals

It was all going so well.  But now, well, things aren’t going as well as they used to.  I have this feeling, Ashley, that you might be—I hate to even say the words–UNFAITHFUL.  Sure, you’ve always had your brief liaisons; there’s that Followill kid and of course Kellan, but you always managed to make those seem like passing fancies or very close friendships.  But this is serious.  Yes, I think you’ve been CHEATING on me.   With, well…EVERYONE.  I’ve been adding up the evidence, and it is fishy indeed, Ms. Greene–very fishy.

First there were the nudie cell phone pics.  I know they must have been humiliating.  But the first thing I wondered was “who were you taking those for?”  I checked my phone–you definitely weren’t sexting them to me!  I thought that maybe it was a faker–an AshGreene look-a-like porn star, perhaps, prepping for her role in New Poon, but I checked out the evidence (yes, uncensored, don’t judge me!) and indeed, all signs pointed to it really being you (as well as all signs pointing to a fresh waxing–holla!).  I wondered why you took those pictures (and where your hips went to), but decided that maybe you were taking a picture of a suspicious mole for your dermatologist, or testing out a new camera phone right before getting into the shower.  Could happen to anyone, right?

Follow the cut for the rest of Freya’s letter

Hmmm who's thirty for Sobe Water?

Then I caught a glimpse of you in a bathing suit.  Very sporty!  Look at you, promoting good health and healthful swimming activities, I thought.  Until I realized that it was you in the altogether AGAIN.  Wearing a painted-on bathing suit!  You were looking at the camera with some serious eff-me eyes, too.  What the hell, Ashley Greene?  I got a little worried about you.  First you’re laying in tangled vines, where there could be poison ivy or stinging nettles, then you’re in the water where you could get crabs…I mean, get BITTEN by crabs.  It just didn’t seem very sanitary to me. And what happened to your nips?  Where did they go?  I would figure you had a pair, but they are certainly not in evidence!  What kind of witchcraft is this?  Fake clothes, disappearing nips?  It was more than a little frightening.  I tried, once again, to justify your prancing about in the buff, but the excuse that you were just trying to cut a few seconds off your lap time by using a very streamlined suit didn’t quite cut it.

Oh there they are...

Finally has come the last straw.  Interview magazine found your absent nipples, and felt the need to display them in the media like some missing child that was returned home.  Look, folks!  Safe and sound!  Various “experts” will be examining the nipple to make sure that it’s fine, but it’s glad to be back on her boob where it belongs! Honestly, I’m out of excuses for you, Ashley.  Eh, I could try saying that you were hot in the photo studio, and had to take off your shirt, forgetting that you had worn your most threadbare bra, but that doesn’t explain the leather jacket you’re wearing.  And I’m hard-pressed to explain the gag in your mouth—is it some sort of free speech statement?

In short, Ash, it seems like you’re a little…slutty.  You’re giving it up for anyone and everyone, and it just cheapens our special fake lesbian relationship.  I can’t find a new photoshoot of you where you’re dressed slightly conservatively with that good girl-next-door toothy smile and twinkle.  More and more you’ve got the tousled wet hair, the skimpy clothing, the high stiletto heels, the various bondage accouterments.  It’s slightly outrageous!  And if you’re trying to make an impact, it’s working.  Why, I’ve showed and discussed these pictures with a couple of single men of my acquaintance, and they have eagerly attested to your attractiveness.  You turned their heads–almost a complete, Exorcist-like 360 degrees!  Ashley Greene whiplash!  And even after they stop looking at the pictures, they seem oddly aroused and interested in women who aren’t even you!  Wait…  Hmmm…  Let me think about this for a minute…

Dear Ashley Greene:  Please disregard the above letter.  Go forth and conquer.

Until next time I see you in way too little clothing,

Your FORMER fake lesbian lover,

Freya

This cracks me up Freya… oh slutty Ashley Greene who we love/question you! So what do you think of Ashley’s recent risque photoshoots and general good girl gone wild appearance? What about poor Jackson? Are the hopes of Jashley dashed forever?

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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101 Responses

  1. I’m kinda the same.
    Love her but lately she has been a lil “slutty”.
    Hmmmmm.

  2. I used to love her and now I’m not sure…
    I feel like she’s doing these shoots to get attention or something. It’s starting to annoy me. Every other day I see one headline or another that says “Ashley Greene bares all.”
    Really, Ashley?
    If she keeps this up, I’d be willing to be that her next starring role is gonna be in a sex tape.

  3. You had me at New Poon!!

    • Me too!

  4. Have you seen the latest photos of Jackson? He appears to be wearing every article of clothing Ashley discards as a bandana. This clearly points to him still holding a torch for her.

    Oh, and Ashley, even men like a little mystery. And they want to be able to introduce you to mom and dad at some point and it gets a little uncomfortable when Dad realizes it’s you from whatever barely clothed photoshoot he saw you in and pops a big boner.

    • I suddenly feel bad for Kristen’s mother.

      • What the…? I was just saying Rob is hot. Some people obviously have a dirty mind!

        • I think they were just confused and anything that might possibly be negative about KStew, her family, or anyone she has ever met is going to get a THUMBS DOWN!

        • Ignore these people. I got what you said right away and thought it was awesome!

  5. New poon is great. This would make aq great movie. New poon meets New Moon at Twight. You gotta love it. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

    • You say that all the time, but this time I’m sure you’d love it bobbygee!

    • HA FREY! You got Bobbygee to say poon. Twice!! Great letter.

    • Bobbygee, you never fail to crack me up. Have you ever considered joining Twitter? I guarantee all the LTT and LTR girls would follow you.

      • I don’t think Bobbygee ever reads comments on his comments, he’s a comment-and-leave-em kinda guy. His mind goes on to the next thing in his very busy, very hallucinatory day.

        • Sigh, love ‘em and leave ‘em, eh? You’re breaking my heart bobbygee.

  6. Excuse the snark that’s coming, it’s Monday morning and I’m in a bad mood.

    On the one hand, I can see some artistic merit in these photo shoots. (I’m trying here.) Not to mention, Ashley is gorgeous. On the other hand, it’s not exactly like we live in an equal society. Women who pose in shoots like this are objectified, and I’m pretty sure they aren’t taking seriously in the acting world as a result. I mean, I have some big doubts that Ashley’s going to follow in Anna Kendrick’s footsteps. I have a sinking feeling that I’m going to see her on Cinemax late at night in a couple years… or modeling in a JCrew catalog…

    As for Jashley? I have a feeling that Jackson wouldn’t mind at all if his lady was a little slutty. ;)

    • P.S.- Great letter Freya!

    • I have a feeling Ashley was headed for Cinemax late night or a JCrew catalog before the photo shoots. Even before I saw her mostly naked all over the place, she didn’t scream “serious actress” to me. Oh well, at least now she seems to have a modeling career to fall back on instead of restaurant hostess.

      Wow…I’m snarky today too. Your Monday mood must have worn off on me Tuesday.

      • Haha, Good thinking with the restaurant hostess! Though, at least then she’d have a shot at dating George Clooney… wow, I think I need another cup of coffee. I don’t blame her, by any means. If I looked like Ashley Greene I don’t think I’d ever put on clothes.

        • Oh, I do look like her. NOT! I agree…if I had a body like that I’d be walking around naked too. :-)

      • Ang and Tuesday…I never saw her and thought, “Wow, she’s going places,” either. I figured she’d become the next low budget scream queen at best. Maybe after the Twilight hysteria has died down after all 4 (5?) movies have been long released, she can revive her career by remaking The Red Shoe Diaries. It’s something to aspire to.

        • Hahahaha! The Red Shoe Diaries starring Ashley Greene! Yes, I can see it now…

        • I wouldn’t be opposed to a Red Shoe Diaries remake. Just sayin’.

  7. I love Ashley too, even if she is a bit of a publicity whore. She’s so pretty. And she smiles a lot. Which goes very far for me. I love a big fat smile.

    on that point – anyone see the cover of Vanity Fair that is coming out in March? Anna Kendrick, Kristen, Dakota Fanning and some other up and coming young actresses.

    Guess what? Kristen is not smiling. Why, Kristen, why no smiling? Life is good!

    • I don’t know why this just occurred to me, but I’ve said stranger things on this board so I’m going to go for it and reveal way too much about myself. I’m not a big smiler, partly because my lips sort of slope the way Kristen’s do, but mostly because when I was almost 3, there was a mishap and I knocked out one of my front teeth. Eventually my adult tooth grew in crooked and I ended up needing braces… twice. I hated my smile. I had a gap tooth, then a wonky tooth, then my mouth was full of metal. I never, ever smiled in pictures.

      I know that Kristen has been (unfairly!) made fun of for having prominent front teeth, maybe she’s just self-conscious. Maybe she got teased as a child the way I did. Or, maybe she’s really just prematurely bitter…

      • prematurely bitter..lol

        • Haha, sometimes I think she’s my long-lost little sister. I can totally bring the bitter.

    • She’s tired, ok? All the shmexy late night Skype sessions with Rob are really wearing her out. ;-)

      • I was totally kidding….

        • Liar.

  8. If Ashley was doing ads during her down time for kitty rescue and gardening, would we be talking about her? No. Girl’s got a publicist and a nice rack, so …. voila. Nudie pics. I’ll just sit in the corner and think about how nice my boobs were before I had kids.

    • Hey look…the Bluff City contingent is all here this morning.

      • Yay! Team Memphis!

        • It’s the ice. It’s not like we can leave the house when there is “winter weather.”

          • Speak for yourself girlie! I’m at work!

    • Ah the pre-kids boobs. Those were the days. For now, I’m gonna live in the moment and pretend that I will get to keep these breastfeeding boobs forevah.

      • Amen to that. Nothing says, “Dayum Gina!” like lactating boobies. *sniff* I kinda miss mine…

      • You keep that dream alive, shm, for those of us living with deflatables.

        • Or comedy inflatables.

        • My time will come. *sigh*

  9. Ashley Greene 2007 photoshoot
    http://i50.tinypic.com/10xaknp.jpg

    So I’m so sorry to say Freya, but you haven’t been looking so closely. She’s been doing these since forever. She probably tried to play it down a lil bit for a while for the sake of the supposed tweeny followers of this franchise, considerate much? or maybe “someone” suggested it? Either case girl definitely has no problem stripping down whenever she has the chance to.

    • Just between you and me…I know. I’ve got the serious girl-crush; I’ve seen most of the pics of Ashley. But she used to break it up a little with pictures of her clothed. Recently…not so much.

  10. Freya, I love you…
    New Poon and “A suspicious mole…”

    Go forth and conquer!

  11. Skanky photos aside (part of the job description, I fear), I started questioning my love of Ashley when she joined Twitter. Total dullard. Really ruined the mystery…

    • Amen.

    • It’s true. Most Boring Tweeter Ever.

      (haha.)

      • I distinctly remember one of her early tweets being about buying dog food. And not an interesting story about it, either; just that she was buying it. I know one of the “cool” things about Twitter is that it shows us how “average” and “just like us” celebrities are, but… well, if I’m being honest, I don’t want them to be average! If they’re going to be making millions of dollars to make out with hot dudes on screen, there damn well better be something special about them!

        • Yes, I remember that. And then thinking to myself “is that it?!” after reading about it.

          Bo-ring.

        • First of all, you got down thumbed for your original comment which I find hilarious. Ashley must read this blog.

          I remember the dog food buying tweet as well, and right around that time PFach had a tweet about buying paper towels, and yet somehow it was funny! How did he do that?

          • I just saw my down-thumb, and cracked up. Sorry, Ashley. What I really meant to say is that you’re the most fascinating twitterer EVAR!

            And I remember PFach’s paper towel tweet as well, but that was funny because (soon after he tweeted it) he made fun of himself for tweeting it in the first place. So PFach gets the win for that.

    • She should tweet more like Charlie Bewley – I have NO IDEA what that dude is on about 99% of the time.

      • Seriously! If she would just add a few obscure references about people we don’t know and the oddly named activities she’s doing with them, I might be persuaded to be interested in her tweets.

  12. I think Ashley is rebelling and showing everyone and anyone who will pay attention that she has a hot bod. I mean, we did see her covered from head to toe in Twilight and New Moon – she has to prove to the masses she’s got it. Although I think w/the release of the nudie texts we got the picture already so she can stop now, but maybe she is making sure those people in the obscure parts of the world that missed those pics will see the repetitive naked photo shots she participates in. She’s equal opportunity!

    • I think the same thing. Her costumes were so odd in New Moon, she’s got to show off show all that was covered.
      …arm warmers/ fingerless gloves? Madoona is second hand embarassed by those gloves, and Madonna invented strange arm wear.

  13. It’s pictures like these that make me appreciate Kirsten.

    I don’t mean to keep bringing up how much/little I appreciate KStew, but when I see young publicity whores who seek attention for nothing other than looking hot, it makes me appreciate women in Hollywood, including Kirsten, who prefer to aim to be famous for their art rather than for their appearance. Women like Ashley are the reason so many other women have a doubly hard time being taken seriously. I know, Kirsten takes it to a whole other extreme, by specifically looking unpretty, which is another story. But thank you, Kirsten for at least trying to be taken as a serious actor vs. being just another B-list gorgeous pinup girl who also happens to be in movies.

    • This is really unfair to Ashley.

      Every women got to do what they want if it makes them happy.
      Ashley have a nice body so what if she has a tendancy of showing it? If it makes her happy and help her to get a job who am i to bash her for that.

      Ashley is really cute she knows what her weapons are an she is using them. I haven’t seen ashley is something else than twi so i can’t speak about her acting and all that but the girl is lovely. A little annoying after 2interviews of it’s coool, i like it but she is lovely in her way.

      I hate when people bring someone down to make the other look good. You’re entitled at your opinion to dislike ashley but you can do it without trowing kristen name in the mix.

      For me in twi cast like in life evryone is unique.
      Ashley is ashley , kristen is kristen, nikki is nikki, rob is rob, taylor is taylor…. I don’t expect them to act the same. There is something unique in everyone. If for know ashley feels the need to be half naked all the time, she should go fr it. She is hot and life is short. She just to remember her ultime goal. And that goal i don’t know so i can juged her choices.

      • Wow, you’re really stepping up to the plate to defend someone you said you don’t get the appeal about during the great KStew debate last week. Methinks you just enjoy arguing, Pauleta. May I suggest picking up a hobby? Knitting is a fabulous way to take up the extra time you seem to have.

        • Like i said in my post and in the other one Ashley is gorgeous. I’m not blind, even a gay man can go the other way to have a one night stand with her. The girl has a nice body.

          I don’t want to argue; I just said it is unfortunate to bring someone down in order to make another one look good . I don’t see what is so contreversial with that.

          Like i say ashley is boring also at least for me, because once you read one of her interview you can just wait one year to read another one if you want to find something interesting in it.

          It would have been nikki or emile i would have say the same. I just think you can say something nice about someone without bringing someone down. Maybe it’s wrong to think that. In that case ok.

      • Okay, yes, Ashley’s gorgeous. Yes, she is entitled to pose for photos and show off her body. I’m not trying to put words in Operarose’s mouth, but I think the sentiment is that despite the freedoms that women have on paper. In practice, we aren’t actually allowed to do whatever we want in order to maintain our careers. I work in a male-dominated field. Extraordinarily male-dominated. I have to be extremely careful what I do so I can be taken seriously. If Ashley wants to be a model, then she certainly has the assets for it. But, in the entertainment industry, it’s still hard for women to get serious and complex roles and for women who don’t look like Ashley to get work. Men still see women as pretty toys, and it’s a really difficult question where to draw the line between “flaunt it if you’ve got it girl power” and knowing what you need to do to be taken seriously in a superficial industry.

        • Tuesday, yes, that’s the point I was getting at. Thanks!

          • You said it! I didn’t think it was that controversial, but just so you know, I got your back! :)

          • :)

            I think I was too serious in my 2nd reply below, just so y’all know I threw on my tweed blazer for that reply, but have since taken it off!

            Back 2 the fun!

          • and also for the record I definitely don’t feel like getting controversial on here!

            My real-life Monday has been controversial enough so far, and it’s only 1:30pm!

            So I wasn’t trying to be controversial in my comments. Just expressive. ;)

          • Nothing wrong with keeping a Tweed jacket at arm’s reach! Mine’s got leather elbow patches.

        • I too work in a male-dominated field and have observed that women have all kinds of ways of coping with operating in traditionally male-controlled, male-dominated fields… the absolute worst way is to constantly flaunt your sexuality because you will lose all respect – from men and women – doing so. Yes, women are free to use their “allure” to a small, and appropriate, extent in the work place; charm sometimes can be beneficial whether you’re an actress or a sales person, just as long as it does not overstep or override other positive, professional qualities. And yeah, women are also perfectly free to be sexy and even earn a living from that and that alone. I’ll be the first to agree that if a woman can make money or a career out of it and that’s what they want to do, then good for them.

          But that does NOT mean I have to respect them for it.

          I also think it’s a terrible idea as objectifying themselves ultimately hurts all other women a little bit, too. It shouldn’t, but it just does affect the way professional women are perceived. And as a woman who is trying to make her way in a male-dominated field – heck, world – I am perfectly free to share my beef with other women who behave, I feel, unprofessionally and/or inappropriately in society.

          And I won’t apologize for comparing her to Kirsten or any other actress in Hollywood. That is the industry Ashley works in, so comparing her to Kirsten or any one of her other peers in Hollywood is perfectly fair game.

          • I love your tweed blazer.

          • Yes! Tweed it up!

          • Thanks, by the way my tweed blazer is purple. Because (and let’s say it all together now,) “Purple’s cool.”

          • Mine is a kicky bolero.

      • Oh Pauleta!

        Everyone here is just joking & messing around. I’m sure you’re lovely, but you’re too serious for this blog…

        Chill out………..kick back…make some Twijokes… then come back :)

        • This!

        • P.S. Pauleta, did you take MidnightCyn hostage until LTT does a whole post on how great Kristen is?

  14. I still think Ashley is Hotttt, and so pretty. I’ll bet she looks fantastic, even without makeup, she just has that kind of face.

    Freya, I am so sorry that she has been two timing you. I know how much your relationship meant to you. If you would like to come over and drown your sorrows in some Ben and Jerry’s Phish Phood, and the boxed set of Full House, you know my door is always open.

    And if you get back together, show that girl how to twitter! Every time her pic comes up, I die of boredom just a little more.

    xo
    lpb

    • Ben & Jerry’s Phish Phood AND Full House? I love you, LPB.

      • Oh, I’m a good time, all right!

        • Throw in a couple board games, and I’m there!

    • I’m on my way over with my New Moon snuggie.

      • This is the best break up party ever!!

  15. Awe …Frey, Frey, I will console you while you let your wounded heart heal.

  16. I am so hot for Ashley, fo sho. I am trying to overlook the fact that our hook up would have to include dental dams and other lady protection as she does seem to be hooking up with everyone! Which is great for me because it means I will eventually hook up with at least one of the Twilight cast members.

    Freya bringing the funny again! And I’m fine with you and Ash hooking up first. What’s one more in her long line of lovers?

  17. “New Poon” Freya WINS!

  18. Dear Freya,
    Let’s play fake lezzies in LA. I’m sure Pros3 won’t mind lending me out for a bit.

    Hugs,
    Brooke

    • You can’t see it, but I’m making a lewd lesbian gesture at you right now. In other words, YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES.

  19. New Poon for the win.

    I kind of like my Ash dirty though. I wish KStew would get some extensions and slut it up in Maxim like Ashley. If they paid her in hoodies and smokes she’d probably do it.

    • YES!!

  20. I didn’t even know my letter posted today! Squeeeee! Showings of New Poon at my house to celebrate! Everyone’s welcome! It’s very cinematic. Actual dialogue from the film included. Like when Bella says “I’m coming,” and Edward says “I don’t want you to come.” It’s in there!

    • I. Love. You.

      • Oooh, that came out a bit fake lesbian-y!

        • Well, you know I’m looking for a fake lesbian rebound…

  21. New Poon FTW! Thanks for the hilarious letter Freya! Definitely made my Monday better. I have mixed feelings about Ashley. Why is she supposed to be a good girl again? What about Alice says “good girl?” IDK. I kinda get the hots for her when I see those Sobe and Maxim photoshoots. I’m happily married, but I think my hubby might give me a pass to invite Ashley over. :)

  22. Awesome letter!!

    Good for Ashley whoring herself out! I wish I had taken lots of naughty pictures of myself when I was in my prime. If I knew and appreciated the bod I had three kids ago, I would have forgone clothes all together and just walked around nekked all day. You don’t know what ya got until it’s gone. Sigh.

  23. Dear Freya,
    great letter as always.
    And yes Ashley is my main girlcrush at the moment too but she has been a tiny little bit too slutty in the past couple of weeks…

    • btw… The cold shower has aired today so check it out if you want…

  24. Noooo!!! I thought Ashley was my fake lez partner?! :( Well, she was, until I met Rachelle and then she got dumped!! Haha Ashley, haha!!

  25. Dear lord, how could I forget Summer MOON! Janet and I came soooo close to renting it and seeing her nips in their full glory. Dammit.

  26. Cyn? Come back Cyn….are you ok?

    • MidCyn – Where are you???? Inquiring minds want to know! Seriously, I would think she would have seen our pleas to come back if she was lurking. She’s not answering e-mails either. :-(

    • YOu aren’t the only worryer, Cyn! Send us a signal!

  27. Oh I’m all about Slutly Greene. She’s my fave.

  28. Laughing and cringing.. But i was thinking (cos i took the whole fake Lesbian senario the next level) Ashley would be a great fake lez in the bedroom ..yer?…hawt and KStew would be great in the library for deep and thoughtful reading, conv and debates..So who who would be a great fake lez in the kitchen? like thats tough cos none of them cooked in the movies…oh yes join me in my ridiculousness!

  29. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by LetterstoTwilight and Brooke Lockart, Twilight Forever. Twilight Forever said: Ashley Greene’s been cheating on Freya: *Join Freya as she pens a letter to Ashley Greene and confronts her about … http://bit.ly/9hHiU8 [...]

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