White Yorkie has some questions for you and remembers Comic Con 2008

*Hey guys, remember The Font? Remember the splash he caused a week ago? Well we’re back with The Font’s (and my) friend, who is also intrigued by you folks! He decided to write you a letter and explain his side of things.*

Just imagine the white version

Greetings, Letters to Twilight readers, commenters, and stalkers.

I am a good friend of your favorite new contributor, The Font.  I, too, am a straight dude.  You may call me White Yorkie.

Over the past few years, I have had numerous in depth discussions/confusion sessions with people (The Font and Moon included) concerning the Twilight phenomenon.  Lately though, the inability for my friends to not mention Twilight when we’re together is pushing me to the brink of insanity.  Usually resulting in making me irritable, angry, and unpleasant.

Where are you White Yorkie? Is that you w/ the camcorder?

My bewilderment began at Comic-Con 08 in the now infamous Hall H pandemonium inducing panel discussion.  At the time, Twilight wasn’t on my radar whatsoever.  I’d never even heard of it.  So you can imagine my surprise when the cast arrived onstage and 3,000 screaming girls (and their mothers) nearly deafened me.  WTF can’t even begin to describe the look on my face and the utter horror welling up in my heart.   I was there for panels on comics, comic-based movies, and to look at/buy copious amounts of actions figures.  So who were these teeny-emo-vamps and why had they taken over my joyous Comic-Con experience?  Surely this unheard of movie (to me) didn’t warrant a coveted spot in Hall H!  And then the panel started…

Yup, that's my hair up there

First, the Q&A.

First observation: Kristen Stewart (codename: SleepyFace), apparently touches her hair just as much off-screen as she does on.  And it’s not like I didn’t like her, she just seemed bored out of her skull (read: scared out of her MIND).  I just wanted the madness to be over so I could see my exclusive Watchmen footage and then get back to discussing the minutiae of how my friends and I would revise the Star Wars saga to our liking.

Wait, you don't see the allure here?

And then they started asking You-Know-Who some questions.  Each and every time their beloved R. Pattzy opened his mouth to answer, he was greeted by minutes of shrieking.  He couldn’t even speak.  And when he did, you couldn’t hear a dang thing.  I kept having flashbacks of old footage from Beatles and Michael Jackson concerts with hordes of psychotic fans being carried away due to fainting/convulsions.  What in the name of Alan Moore was happening?  This poor, seemingly soft-spoken actor, was in serious danger of having his clothes ripped off or just complete dismemberment as a result of some crazed stage-rushing fiasco.  In my entire life, I had never encountered something like this.  And I was terrified.  What and who has tapped into these girls’/mothers’ hearts and minds that makes them act this way?  And HOW did they do it?

Find out more plus a special announcement after the cut

Xena or an outtake from Twilight?

Okay, I thought, perhaps the movie is legit and that is why these girls are so ga-ga.  And then, they cued up the exclusive footage.  My, oh my, I just wanted to claw out my corneas right then and there.

It looked like a rejected CW show.  The acting looked amateur at best.  The effects were Xena: Warrior Princess-esque.  And yet, you would think the crowd had just seen the trailer for Citizen Cane II: The Return of Rosebud.  What was I missing?  What made this thing so great to cause women to flock to San Diego for mere minutes of footage and glimpses of actors?  And then, of course, after the panel there was a mass-exodus.  These people had come for one thing and one thing only.  Which is more than a little frustrating if you’re part of the usual Comic-Con crowd.  And they would be there the next year, clogging crowds with their glittery, homemade t-shirts, lining up for days, ready to scream their little pubescent lungs out.  Somebody kill me with a special edition Kill Bill Hanso sword please.

White Yorkie's idea of a good time

Years and one viewing/reading later, and I’m still just as dumbfounded.  Almost all the girls I know can’t help but be obsessed.  Even girls who have a love for good literature can’t help but be sucked into its pull.  However, although I remain highly skeptical and cynical about the whole thing, one positive has came to light.   It gets girls and guys talking.  The good kind of talking.  Social constructs, true love and what it looks like, dating, girls’ expectations vs guys’ expectations, literature lovers/moviegoers wants, needs, and desires, the list goes on.  And that, dear Twi-Hardies, is what I’m interested in.

So, in closing, I ask you, what desire/need (if any) has The Stephenie tapped into that fills that Pattzy shaped hole in your heart?  And does it cause you to approach your dating world differently?

-White Yorkie

ANNOUNCEMENT!
In light of the raging success of The Font and with the help of White Yorkie we’re going to be featuring them on the regular. That’s right TF and WY will be joining us for a podcast where we talk about Twilight, you guys, your comments, your questions, what’s hot in the Twilight fandom and all from the dude’s perspective hosted by your fave bloggers UC and Moon! So what does that mean?! We need YOUR questions or topics for us to cover! Want to ask a question about a guy’s take on Twilight? Want to know what we think about a current topic in the Twidom? Then ask us in the comments or send us an email!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter