Everything I need to know about life I learned from New Moon

Life lessons learned here

Dear LTT-ers and TwiHards,

Remember when we gathered together some of the lessons we had learned from Twilight last year? Well, it’s time we hit up New Moon since the film version is out and we’ve (sorta) reread it again (and again) and there are a slew of lessons to be learned that I wouldn’t have known otherwise…

  • If your new best guy friend starts running around in the woods in just a pair of jean shorts and some sneakers, he will NOT catch a cold. He will run a temperature of 108 but don’t worry, this is normal. He may also turn into a werewolf.
    c
  • If a man with a pair of orange pants and hiking boots is directing the sequel to a movie adaptation of one of your favorite books: TRUST HIM. Perhaps with your life. He will NOT screw you over. And you just may find yourself drawn to orange pants and man purses (murses)
  • Trust me, I'm a director!

  • I know you will be anxious when the lead actor in the first movie leaves for 2/3rds of the second movie but take a deep breath and let the underage boy taking his place worm his way into your heart. You will NOT miss the first boy and it will truly be “as if he never existed.”
  • Mike Newton may have gained like 30ish something pounds but he still has some of the best lines and can act the HALE out of the flu!
  • Just like in Twilight it is perfectly normal to expect your best friend to be the boy next door who suddenly morphs into a hit piece with a 12 pack, a penchant for fixing up broke down cars and motorcycles, and will love you more than your whiny ass deserves even when you can’t get over the hot vampire boyfriend who dumped you in the woods months ago and moved away.
  • I learned that if you are depressed and you sit in a recliner for 3 months, you will not get bed sores, a flat “shelf ass” or muscle atrophy…seriously how did she do that?

Follow the cut to see what else we learned from New Moon

 

Did someone order a spare tire?!

  • To be a werewolf all you need is Native American blood, a pair of Jorts, some ratty shoes, a trip to Supercuts, a stomach that can simultaneously look like both 6pack abs and a beer gut at the same time. Oh and you need some sort of changeling genetic makeup that you have no control over
  • Since apparently paper cuts bleed like a traumatic head wound, if you open birthday presents at your vampire boyfriends house, wear a pair of rubber kitchen gloves to avoid any of those pesky cuts. You may look silly but you’re saving everyone that awkward um-my-future-brother-in-law-just-tried-to-kill-me-and-drink-my-blood moment afterwards

Forget dazzling you, do I slow time for you?

  • If you drive a Volvo SUV you are allowed to take up 2 spots in a school parking lot
  • I learned that if you send someone an email and it gets returned, just keep sending them, its like your own therapy, it will make you feel better.
  • Anytime your boyfriend approaches you he will appear to be walking in slow motion with a slight breeze blowing through his luscious locks whether in a parking lot or a school cafeteria. Because he is SO good looking all time suspends for him on a daily basis
  • All monumental moments in a relationship should happen in a forest
  • Men, pay attention, all a girl wants for her birthday is a kiss in front of her beater truck outside her dads house

Again, if just can’t be denied that New Moon really has the keys to living the good life. It’s too bad so many people write off Twilight and New Moon as crappy girly stuff, they really are missing out on tips for better living.

Off to work on fitting this spare tire into some orange pants!
Themoonisdown

PS Thanks to Carter for inspiration and Kristin for help and additional life lessons!

What life lessons did we miss? Add what you learned from New Moon in the comments and then head over to the forum for any daily chit chat!

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292 Responses

  1. I learned that Charlie is a ladies man. That’s all I needed to know.

    • A famous one, at that.
      And a terminal bachelor. Thank god.

      • Amen.

        • i also learned that Harry Clearwater’s kung fu is strong! (and that he seriously looks like mr. miyagi.)

      • Fact

    • charlie is a man about town! i wish he’d have said that!

      • There’s always 2 more movies, Moon! And that TV show…

    • I learned to “Never trust a vampire.”

  2. Life Lesson #8734
    When your vampire bf leaves you, you will want to wear your hair in a ponytail.
    When your vampire bf comes back, you will have luscious locks.

    • Bwaahaahaa!! True dat! I can’t wait to see that hair product commercial!

    • its amazing what a vampire bf can do for you!

  3. Wow, thanks for taking the time to write this out for me! I shall print this out and make copies to put in the front of next year’s diary so I know what to do if these situations ever arise.
    Thanks a bunch!

    xox

    • Def making copies of this for future reference

  4. We learn that zombie movies are apparently some kind of metaphor for a consumerist society, but that some girls simply like shopping. And we also learn that Mike is capable of wanting to be ‘just friends’.

    • I learnt that Jessica’s cousin had leprocy – need to know information!

      • and leprocy is not fun! YOU KNOW

        • It’s not funny either. It’s poor form look at someone’s cousin who has leprosy and say, “That dude is weird.”

          • to look*

    • LETS DO THIS!!!!

      • LET”S DO THIS

  5. I learned that when sitting in your recliner for 3 months, not only will you NOT get “shelf-ass”, you WILL look hotter than you’ve ever looked in your life. You’re hair will be shiny and perfect and your eye make-up will look spectacular!

    • And you look sexy as hale because you know there’s a possibility..♪♪

    • And you’ll be able to say, “When he left” with this brilliant nasal-y voice that just screams out how much pain you’re in.

    • I wish to dispute this fact from personal knowledge…you DO get shelf ass, you DO NOT look hotter than you ever looked in your life and your HAIR will look like Victoria’s after an electric shock, however, it IS shiny b/c its greasy enough to lube your ..car…and your eye make up DOES looks perfect cause its “petrified into perfection” from not removing it.

      Things you missed:
      You WILL smell like you have been sitting in a chair for three mons.
      Should you speak ..the ONLY the words you utter are the lyrics from POSSIBILITY cause its like brainwashed you from listening to it for three months.
      You end up NAKED cause you haven’t eaten in 3 mos and your clothes have fallen off into a heap on the floor…but NO ONE
      notices cause when they come into the room they tend to be drawn to the fact that your DEAD….

      • to lube your ..car…

        HAHA! Love the pause there

        Also, petrified into place, hot.

      • Amazing, Cyndi, how you have totally schooled us on this misconception. We stand – er, sit despondently – corrected.

    • seriously she looked hot when she was depressed. the hair when she sits in his chair in the cafeteria by herself? SO MONEY! hahaa

      • Yes she looked so hot just bumming around in her bedroom!

      • I love cafeteria quiff hair.

  6. I also learned that your vampire boyfriend might have a Catholic school-girl fetish. When he’s around you will wear fugly sweaters and head bands. After he dumps you, you will wear tight blouses with half of the buttons left undone (and you WILL lose the head band.)

    • I guess is wardrobe pulled out the knee highs and mary janes for Eclipse, we’ll know if your theory holds the truth it seems to.

      • Edward loves the knee-high socks, and the plaid skirts and pony tails!

        • I’d offer to donate mine to whoever needs them to impress him, since I don’t really care for Robward, but plaid’s really in fashion now, so I’m sure you can find something cheap at Forever XXI ;-)

          • Blasphemy!
            Should I give you my mailing address???

          • Sure, sure.

            You doing any better today? *hugs*

          • @TeamSeth..BTW.do they come in support hose? I’m just saying..

          • HAHA! They’re KNEE highs!

          • @TeamSeth…I know they are..but at my age you will take the support whereever you can get it..trust…

          • @MC…you are freaking awesome.

            That’s all.

    • While sans effable vampire boyfriend and tooling around with effable wolf boy “friend,” you also cannot be BOTHERED with things like undergarments.

      Or is it that you subconsciously realize this “friend” will give you all the support you could possibly need? Well, he IS a mechanic. I’m betting he knows what to do with a pair of headlights.

  7. I learned that teen wolf sweat has the same healing power as phoenix tears. Thus, if your pre-Change werewolf best friend is around, a motorcycle helmet is unnecessary as long as he’s willing to disrobe and touch his t-shirt to your head.

    • I know, right? helmets and band-aids are so over rated.

    • OH MY GAWWWD! That is so hilarious! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, tha… (too many times) You just made my day.

    • Bahahahahaa
      That’s hilarious….seriously, people actually whistled when taylor took his shirt off during that scene…I found it to be really funny…no one looks hot with that ugly wig….

      • Omg the wig! I couldn’t get past it. The minute he came into the parking lot to give her the dream catcher, I could not take THE WIG.

      • I am totally offended!! My hair actually looks like that wig!

        *runs to call the hair dresser*

        • Sassysmart! How come you didn’t donate your hair to cover Stewie’s mullet for eclipse?
          Lol! No need to feel offended, that hair is meant for girls, not pubescent man-boys who later turn into wolves….

    • who needs a helmet when youve got a friend with abs?

  8. I learned to never go to Port Angeles. There seems to be an over-abundance of creepy guys hanging out there.

    • Precisely! I think someone rigged their crime statistics.

    • You mean (in Jessica’s nasal voice) “some random loser on a motorcycle?”

      • Yeah, homeboy there, he might have been a psycho!

    • place might as well be renamed port compton with all the hooligans who hang out there.

  9. I learned that although they are the most beautiful creatures ever created even vampires can look like shit when they get depressed. And even vampires can have terrible taste in clothes and dress as if they just mugged a bag lady in Port Angeles.

    • Not only do they look like shit, they also appear age… a lot. Sorry, Rob, but you do not look anywhere near 17. Good for my deluded fantasies, but bad for playing the ageless and undead.

      • Hey, I didn’t look like that when I was 23!

      • It should be written into Rob’s contract that he cannot smoke or drink until they finish filming BD. (I actually love that Rob looks older than 23, it makes me feel less creepy :) )

        • Yeah, now that he’s busted out the panty creamer line, “Well then I guess it was just there to tempt me.” I think he can be done with smoking for a hot second while we film BD. (You like how I threw “we” in there…never give up!)

          • When you’re hanging out with him on set, you can hide his cigarettes from him.

          • I’m probably going to be hanging out with the cast members I actually find attractive. (thumbs down ensue)

          • Haha. To reiterate your comment to me: BURN!

        • It makes me feel good that Rob looks my age. However in 2 years Rob is going to look 15 years older than me and I’ll be sad. He’s smoking the pretty right offa that face of his.

          • Yeah, he’s on the fast track to Keith Richards…

          • OOH BURN!

          • Tuesday, are you saying that because you have read this: http://twilightwidower.blogspot.com/2009/05/knowing-when-to-step-in.html

          • Hahahaha! I hadn’t seen that!

            P.S.- I love Keith Richards. I’m not sure if Rob looking like him would deter my fangirling…

          • Oh – he’s fine. I smoked until I was 23…as long as he QUITS in a few years, he’ll be okay. I heard Kristen say in a recent interview she wants to quit smoking. Team Effort!

          • Haha! Team Effort…that’s the new Team.

    • it was that damn tweed suit, made him look like an old newscaster. UGH.

      • No, it was his face. I think they let the assistant to the apprentice make up artist in training do his make up for the sparkle scene in Volterra.

      • And it doesn’t excuse Alice’s painter’s smock or horse blanket coat.

        • I always thought it was a Quiluete blanket fastened with 1960s vintage buttons. Kevin Costner not included.

          • Are you kidding me? Kevin Costner should ALWAYS be included!

  10. I learned to never go to Port Angeles. There seems to be an over-abundance of creepy guys hanging out there.

    hahahahaha

  11. I learned that if your werewolf best friend hops into your room in the middle of the night, it is perfectly acceptable to feel his abs a little as you go to push him away.

    • Haha, I can’t blame her on that one!

    • And/or really think about touching his ass as your hands twitch behind his back while hugging him. *should I/shouldn’t I, that is the question*

    • I really wanna down thumbs that. I’m not going to right now, but I might later.

      It is NOT acceptable! NOT AT ALL! Put the dog out!

  12. I learned that C-Dubs doesn’t know how to say: “There will be no tweed or fugly wigs on my set!”.

    I just hope David Slade learned.

    • obviously not. case in point: bellas wig.

      *relights candles and resumes fasting and praying*

      • The moon is up!

  13. I learned that Jacob Black has big feet.

    I also learned that when being chased by a pack of angry wolves through a forest, to a damn good tune, that a decent support bra would probably help out.

    I also learned that Italians are obviously not as feisty and argumentative as I had first thought. They let a teen girl push and shove them out the way without a care in the world, with no mention of “vaffanculo, putanna!”.

    x

    • “I also learned that when being chased by a pack of angry wolves through a forest, to a damn good tune, that a decent support bra would probably help out.”

      I guess an 18-hour bra ain’t gonna cut it. Which makes me think, how would a vampire prevent sagging for an eternity? (or until Eclipse, in her case)

      • What’s an 18-hour bra? Does that time release or something?

        • Um, not sure. Seen ads for it. I think around hour 19 it cuts into you or something.

          • Maybe it self destructs?

    • Bahahaha! Thought I might have been the only one that noticed the bra, or lack thereof, situation.

      Also, think I may have been the only one that laughs at “I want to come” – we all do in the presence of Robward, dear.

      And, of course, the second (and so much worse) ‘jizz in my pants’ moment the saga has offered us. Let’s go for one in every film – why not?!

      • Let’s go for one in every film – why not?!

        “I’ve got a bad feeling about this…”

      • You aren’t the only one that laughed at that line. I giggled like a 12 year old.

        • Agreed! Every time I hear that ‘i want to come’ ‘i dont want you to come’ exchange its all I can do to burst out laughing. glad to hear im not the only one….

      • Oh man! I laughed out so loud during that scene…and Rob’s like, “I don’t WANT you to COME!”
        ha ha ha ha…hilar…

      • Oh, my entire cinema at the midnight screening laughed at that one… I just thought it was my suburb that had dirty minds… I didn’t laugh the first time, but every time I’ve seen it since I’ve giggled

  14. All men take note: post-break up depression and suicidal thoughts WILL leave you with a wonky left nipple.

    • OMG!! You noticed that too?!?!? I was totally like, looking at the screen, wondering why his left nipple looked so strange, compared to his right one. Weird man fur growth?

      “If you drive a Volvo SUV you are allowed to take up 2 spots in a school parking lot.” Too funny!! But that scene with him strutting across the parking lot, so f*cking hot…

      I also learned that some Native Americans can also channel their Asian defensive mechanism (Kung Fo) when need be.

      • I think it’s ‘cuz they originally commuted from Russia over the Imakpik

    • That is all I noticed the first time!!

    • Haha, I couldn’t pay attention to the scene because I was so distracted by the wonky nip!

    • Oh the nipple… I was so distracted by the nipple I almost missed the (I think) painted on abs? Am I wrong? Or were my expectations just too high after seeing TayTay and his wolf boys with their eight-packs?

  15. I learned that if you are a human girl who wants to be a vampire, as soon as you do, you will wear ugly ass clothes and frolick in the woods with slightly longer hair.

    • PS. I also learned that Edward may actually be a Dom, as you do not come unless he tells you to.

      • Bahahahah!

      • He’s always a Dom in my dreams. Sigh.

      • Long live Domward!

    • YES!

  16. I learned that respectable people of the over forty crowd can sit in a theater and sigh over a seventeen year old boy.

    Kinda sad really. ;)

    • Ok, let’s talk about this. It’s the 40s part you object to right? If so, I totally agree with you. 

    • Oh Dammit. I WAS KIDDING! Did you not see the winky face??

      Downthumbers. Make. Me. Cry.

      *runs away sobbing*

      • THAT’S A RELEIF!!! I took mine back.

      • aaaawwww Fang…theyre just jealous that theyre not 20-somethings drooling over a 17 year old…like us….heehee

        • heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey now, some of us are Very Cool.

          • I know u are…just hatin on the down-thumbers who need to lighten up…..gots to protect my boo, Fang…

  17. I learned that “age is just a number, baby” and that if I apply the Jake/Bells age determining formula to Taycob and me, we can totally DO IT! without me going to jail.

    • That was THE BEST part of the whole movie IMO. *sigh*

      • Moonjen… it’s so good to have company in the paddy wagon.

  18. Oh Moon….. I love you. Exactly how I needed to start my Monday…..

  19. From today’s post, I learned that LTT-ers and Twi-hards are not the same thing. I wonder, what might the distinctions be?

    • We just get it… probably because we’re smarter. ;)

      • I’m so glad you’re back to normal presence. Work and family time is so pesky.

        • I’m glad to be back. I missed my LTT family.

  20. Thngs I learned from New Moon…(Lists call to me like siren song)

    *You should never trust a vampire…trust him when he says that…like when Rob said there would be a naked Tay scene…

    *when breaking up with a BFF…do it in the rain…topless…with lots of steam…that’ll teach her to dump you for a hot vampire boyfriend..

    *Always leave some blueberry muffins for your brothers…oh and ladies first…

    *Always be punctual…It’ll save you from running through fountains and getting your clothes wet…

    *ALWAYS put the phone off the hook before whispering in Quileute and pashing someone…there WILL be distractions…TRUST…no one wants to be cockblocked.

    *People pay attention to things like nipples, fingernails and hair…sometimes what is “ick” can be “mmmmm”

    *Vampire speed CAN be portrayed in an uncheesy manner…Anne of Green Gables mashed up with Baywatch cannot…

    *When a hot topless guy comes into your room and sits on your purple comforter….RESTRAIN YOURSELF!!!…touch his abs, grab his hair, let ur hands wander dangerously down to his ass…but fight the urge to push him down and make him unwind…cause that will just lead him on and no one wants to be THAT mean….

    *Dating an older chick is hot (hear that Tay?)

    *Tweed is serious…Jorts are not…

    *Never stand in the middle of the road topless unless ur a wolf…or ur promoting a sexy car wash…if it is a sexy carwash…hold up a board…It’ll keep you from getting it by a car (oooooh! over-enthusiastic dancer…were u trying to recreate this scene?…should have read this before right? tsk tsk )

    Gah! somebody stop me…I could go on all day…
    Morning everybody!!!!
    The hamster is on all systems GO!!! <3

    • I would like to pash you madly for that dancer comment.
      :D

      PS. Am I using that word right? The “P” one? No. Not THAT “P” word. It is truly offensive.

      PPS. Rob said that Taytay was going to be naked?

      Roblor lives!

      • yes you did!!! yay!!! and yay!!! for Roblor!!!!
        and RobLorSon LautPattinBone!!!!

      • Roblor! it’s like the folklore of porn, no?

    • “*You should never trust a vampire…trust him when he says that…like when Rob said there would be a naked Tay scene…”

      Bwahahaha! It had to be said. If I ever meet Rob, this may be the question I’ll have for him. I am holding out hope that he got his movies mixed up and it’s actually in Eclipse.

      Baywatch and Anne of Green Gables? AMAZING! You may have a snark super power.

    • Morning, IWL. How’s Tuesday treating ya?

      When a guy tells me he’s not good news, or that I can’t trust him, I say, “Good to know.” and quit returning his phone calls. If he wears his red flags like a scarlet letter, why bother?

    • Pash. FTW! You are lovely and magically fantastic in your list making glory. Brillz.

      • Sparkles! I feel like such a schmuck for not replying to your tweets last night. I’m not world’s best twitterer, and I didn’t realize that if I wasn’t following you, your tweets wouldn’t show up in my timeline. But I added you, so now we’re all sorted.

        • I cried for quite some time over the absence of Twitter replies from you last night but assumed you were far too busy enveloped in jorts pack, anaconda, and Roblor Pash porn to notice. I mean, who wasn’t mixed up in that business?

    • @ Xylem snark super power? no ones ever said that to me before…. :D

      @TS…Its almost 4 am….cat on toes…fiance at work…Tay on brain…not a green combination lol

      @Sparkle..You make me feel like a fairy…or a ballerina or something…muah!

      • @IWL, Sounds green to me, minus the cat. And 4am is Tuesday, you know.

        Also, a ballerina?

        • yes cause im feeling tutu-terrific today… teehee…<3

          • I mean to say “ahem” but I used tags.

    • “Anne of Green Gables mashed up with Baywatch” <– Yes! I <3 you for this.

      P.S.- Roblor lives!

      • Its so good to have u back…when the DVD comes out…I’m gonna lower the volume and play “I’ll be ready…(I’ll be ready)” LOL

        • I’m glad to be back. Feels like coming home. :)

          Also, why would someone give me a thumbs down? Roblor problems?

    • Anne of Green Gables mashed up with Baywatch….
      TOtes funny!

    • I’m totally Team Robward but I would have a hard time not pushing Taytay down on that bed after the sexy hair tugging moment. In fact, there are about a million Bella bed scenes where I sit there wondering how the Hale she is managing to control herself.

    • “When a hot topless guy comes into your room and sits on your purple comforter….RESTRAIN YOURSELF!!!…touch his abs, grab his hair, let ur hands wander dangerously down to his ass…but fight the urge to push him down and make him unwind…cause that will just lead him on and no one wants to be THAT mean….”

      Ahahaha, seriously! When she grabbed his hair, OMG. What a tease.

    • Seriously, IWL, did you BATHE IN WIN, today, or what?

      I can’t even begin to make a list extolling the virtues of your list. And my fake lesbians have pretty much covered it, anyway. Just let me say that I want to pash you like an animal.

      • Muah!!! i know this is late…but pash away…im sure Tay is into that kinda shiz…LOL

  21. I learned that even vampires choose an elevator over the stairs. I also learned that Kung Fu will protect you from bears.

    • So true. However, Kung Fu will NOT protect you from red headed vampires.

  22. I learned that if you are in a picture with Eric Yorkie, it doesn’t matter what you look like, everyone will be looking at him anyway.

    • I learned that when you date Eric, everyone else but you is considered a clown.

      • I learned if you date Eric, you are considered a beard.

        • lol i almost wrote that too!

        • Bwahahaha!

          Because of Eric Yorkie, I learned what a “beard” is.

          • I didn’t. :(

          • @TS from what I hear, it is a person who dates a gay person to acts as their cover like Nichole Kidman and Katie Holmes or any woman who dates Ryan Seacrest. (Not that there is anything wrong with that)

          • Thanks! I don’t think I could date Ryan Seacrest though. He wears too much make up. Plus he uses so much energy on screen, I bet he’s a dullard at home.

          • @TeamSeth and anyone else wondering the definition of a beard: a woman who dates a gay man in an attempt on his part to appear straight. so called because she is essentially an accesory to make him seem more macho/butch.

  23. I learned ya gotta get that protein in there.

    That’s what she said.

    • FTW.

    • BAHAHAHAHA!

  24. i learned that bears can’t get the drop on you if your kung fu is strong.

    that running around in freezing northern rain is perfectly safe and will not put you at risk for pneumonia – as long as you are shirtless.

    that if you look like alex meraz, you can morph into a giant wolf and try to kill someone and as long as you say “sorry” she won’t be mad at you.

    • I think it’s in the form he said “Sorry.” It’s hard not to forgive someone w/ that little smirk.

      • it IS Paulex…I mean he can kill my cat and I’ll still forgive him..IF he’s shirtless and smirking….
        sorry cat..sacrifices have to be made….lol

        • That’s what she said!

          Wait… Are you talking about a real cat?

          • Gonna make a kitty ME-OW… Aw! Tears for Twilight: The Original

          • Buttcrack Santa ref! How I’ve missed you.

            Buttcrack Santa, meet Harry Clearwater…

  25. I learned that in your big break you can decide to play your character as an ambiguous poof…and no one but the people on set will bother to notice. Nice fishing, Heidi.

    • awww TS thats just mean…no need to hate a playa…LOL

      • Mean? I think it’s smoking hot. But then I must be into 5’11″ angley faced men… based on Hound anyway, but he’s more like 6’3″ (just 5 inches to go… swoon.)

        • Is it wrong that the red eyes really turn me on?

          • No.

            Said the smokin’ hawt fake lesbian librarian wannabe.
            ;)

          • @fang, dream big…and in-state tuition

  26. I learned that wildly fashionable high school students wear coats that could double as a painting smock or a maternity jacket. It’s always good to keep up with what the kids are wearing today.

    • Yeah, i’m down with the kids.

  27. Okay, am i the only person who really loves C-Dubs’ mustard velour pants? I think they’re amazing. So tactile. I’d love to be sitting next to someone who wasn’t married with child[ren] that was wearing those pants just so I could rub their thigh over and over. How great would that feel?

    On that note, it’s too bad he wasn’t sporting a Zanerobe tshirt at the time. They’re made out of suede cotton. How’s that possible? I can only imagine how good they feel on the tips of your fingers. Only $59.99 each (Aussie dollars? unclear)

    • I love his pants!!!!! that is all…

      • You like my sly reference? ::Uses hand to make an L for Loser on my forehead::

        • i do I do….what sort of a BFF/ Fake Lesbian would I be if I didnt….?

          • Not my kind of BFF/Fake lesbian…that’s for certain!

            God, stacy’s avatar is soooo hot.

          • @TS I know right? Its the first piece of Twi-porn i ever sent her.(enabler enabler enabler) LOL Imma get summa that action…even if it kills me…..so hot!!!!

          • Thanks, but I gotta be honest, my kung fu is barely strong enough to resist dry-humping the monitor.

    • I totally dig them. in a sea of men wearing black and grey suits, what does our C-Dubs do?? Put on the mustard velours!! Woot! That man is goin to a party!!!!!

      • A party in his pants!

    • I thought the pants were fierce. Only I think of the color as Mango, not Mustard. The words “mustard” and “pants” shouldn’t be used in the same sentence.

      • Mango…maybe Papaya or Clementine? Maybe Tangerine? They are a little more orange than yellow.

  28. “Anytime your boyfriend approaches you he will appear to be walking in slow motion with a slight breeze blowing through his luscious locks….”
    HILARIOUS!
    Seriously, that was downright one of the hottest as well as cheesiest scenes ever…..only Rob can pull off something like that….
    Loved the orange pants reference….as much as we love CW (especially after the movie came out), I still can’t get over the fact he wore them at the London press conference…I think all of them went a bit nuts doing their stay in London (remember Rob’s fugly long jacket? Or Kristen’s blue tshirt/skirt combo?) *shudders* Even the usually well dressed Taylor wore a plaid tie…ha ha ha…
    Btw, I am totes sad that the New Moon mania is over…can’t wait for the Eclipse madness to start….

  29. I learned that a movie without enough Edward is sad…
    but that I will still love any movie with any Edward in it… :)

    • What???? I get thumbs down because I was sad that there was not enough Edward???
      I WAS SAD that there was not enough Edward…

      • Hey Cyn…u feeling better? i up-thumbed ya…u know I cant hate on Edward when he makes you so happy… :D

        Eclipse will have ooodles of Edward…and…me to watch it with…yay!!!

      • Jacob Black just be reading comments today! ;P

        Did you get the email I sent you yesterday?

        • Sorry JodieO haven’t check email….
          Think that my comment read wrong…I wasn’t saying the movie was “sad” meaning “bad”…I meant that it made ME sad that there wasn’t enough Eddie and the scenes that he IS in..he looks awful..made me a sad puppy…now double sad at my thumbs down…. :(

          @ ILWL…”you are the reason I am alive…if that is what I am”
          Nuf said…

          • Nah, you didn’t say it wrong. There are just people out there who would prefer there was NO Edward and get grumpy when we don’t all appreciate the Jacob time. =)

    • MidCyn – Agree! I was sad too without Edward. But it was almost worth waiting for his return!

      • HI Ang…yes it was defiantely worth the wait…Jacob is so cute and I can’t get over the fact that Taylor worked SO hard to land the role….A++ for effort and for his acting..

        Going away now….my self esteem can’t take anymore thumbs down today….

        *Ang..same goes for you what I said to ILWL in above comment….

        Have a great day everyone! :)

        • MIdCyn – Don’t go away! I just got here! You are nothing but thumbs up with me! Mwah.

  30. If you plan on dangerous cliff diving, it’s essential to remove your wristband and jacket but not your shoes or any other items of clothing.

    If you’re a divorced parent it’s good to coordinate your brithday presents for your kids. “Well, she coordinated me”

    Be careful about actually using this new found New Moon knowledge. I tried out a couple of lines on my husband and it didn’t work. Example in point:

    Saturday morning: “It’s my birthday, can I ask for something…sleep with me?” He declined, further strengthening my belief that he’s having an affair.

    I think humor helps in these situations (better than crying right) so I came back at him with “I feel like I have a giant hole punched in my chest” to which he said “I don’t want to talk about it”

    Hmm, need to find me a Jacob best friend….ahh the things I disclose on LTT

    • I just thumbs upped you…not for the proposed cheating hubs…but for the “hole in my chest” comment.

      I just want to hug you. Although, I’m sure there are MANY more lines you can try out on hubs and see what his reply is. Maybe it’ll keep your mind off his ass-tardness and keep you laughing.

      ~SnMLamb

    • Saturday morning: “It’s my birthday, can I ask for something…sleep with me?” He declined, further strengthening my belief that he’s having an affair.

      Imma cut a bitch!

    • Mmm. I, too, want to hug you, but since I can’t I will just encourage you to remember that your kung fu is strong.

      And that leprosy MIGHT be funny if it happens to cheaters . . .

      ALSO, we are always here waiting to jump in your window and let you fondle our abs.

      • Thank you very much :-)

  31. I learned that judging from Alice’s vision, ugly-ass 1950s clothing will be “in” by the time Breaking Dawn comes out.

    I learned that a guy CAN morph from a cool highschooler rebel-without-a-cause type to a 108-year old grandpa that wears tweed, looks like he didn’t eat his fiber and says the cheesiest sh#t I’ve ever heard. And that apparently is irresistible to 18 year old girls.

    Oh, and that everyone in Forks wears plaid. EVERYONE.

    • Oh, and that everyone in Forks wears plaid. EVERYONE.

      Well, that’s actually true. It’s a logging town, so they’re all in flannel. We can’t all afford Columbia waterproof heavy-weight jackets…

      • No, but apparently Harry Clearwater is banking it since he can afford North Face.

        • life insurance policy

        • life insurance policy? (sorry if this is a triple post…it is being awkward with me)

        • It’s like ancient NorthFace …he got it at the Goodwill in Port Angeles. Which is right next door to the place he where he takes Kung Fu.

          • His Kung Fu IS strong

          • True, or maybe he is raking it in for all that “fish fry” is is selling.

  32. I totally get what you’re saying, but even temperature-proof vampires with great fashion sense and limitless clothing allowances?

    Where’s all the Carhartt , the John Deere? Maybe it was there, but it was lost in the sea of plaid and jorts…

    Jorts…funniest word EVER.

  33. i’ve learned not to worry because even though the love of your life/hottest guy on the planet just left you, you can still look pretty hot and not like you were crying/screaming your guts out for the past four months…??

  34. Off topic, but f*cking hilarious. Peetah has such good comic timing.

    Video GameE3 2010Comedy

    • Click on the link that says comedy and scroll down to the video that says “Breaking Dawn Possible Footage.” Sorry for the mess up.

      • Holy wow, that was amazing!!

    • Seriously hilarious. Was that manipulated somehow, or was that actually Peter? If it was him, I just became his number one fan.

      • No, it’s actually him. He’s awesome, non?

        • Oui !

        • Ouais ouais!!! I especially loved the part where he holds out the arm to Jacob and says, “Keep your shirt on.”

    • “Awkward.”

      “LET’S DO THIS”

      That was…beyond words phenomenal. PFach is my favorite.

    • Made a mental note earlier today to watch this. HILARIOUS! I was crying with laughter.

      The puppies were pretty cute.

      PFach is the best…spoofing a movie franchise that he’s in!

    • PFach is awesome. I would totally have his babies, but Jennie Garth got there first :( On a side note, has anyone seen the pics of his daughter promoting his photo vamp transformer thing? She looks so cute! Potential Renesmee?

  35. Wow! You all learned so much.

    All I learned was that if I throw myself off a motorbike onto my head, I can make Jailbait strip in public.

    And guess what? There’s a motorbike parked outside my house right now…

    • note to self- must go buy motorbike. (and buy plaid)

    • lol Jailbait… I keep telling myself he’s legal here in Oz :P Hey, there’s only 4 years between us… It’s not cradle snatching if they would have been at school at the same time as you right?

  36. I learned that it’s not polite to stare are people who are hideously scarred on their face. Who knew?

    • It makes Sam mad.

      • I like both of these comments :-)

  37. I learned that Jessica is funny…and leprosy is not.

    I also just learned that without LTT I go into serious withdrawals. For some reason, I could not access the site all morning. I was starting to twitch.

    • aww! there, there, Ang. You’re here now.

      • Thanks! I had some tense moments. If I had a window in my office I would have recreated the Possibility/Bella scene.

        • I’d be happy to work the graphics to get the font up there for you.

          • That would be awesome. I’m having the dolly set up now for the arc shot.

          • Excellent. Let me know when you dub the film so I can actually work on it on my avid set up… ‘cuz we all have avids at home ::rolls eyes:: Where the hell is Abs today?

          • TS – ha! I think Abs is working without a computer today. The horror! She might need some help with month supers herself before the day is over.

          • booo! Wait, are you in ON too?

          • OK, it just took me a very long time to figure out what ON means here…but I finally got it! Nope, in Tennessee.

          • ARGH. I meant to thumbs up you and I accidently didn’t and now it won’t let switch teams.

          • TS – I don’t have a thumbs down…so it must have worked. Your Kung Fu is strong.

    • Aw, glad you made it! I hope the withdrawal has subsided. :)

      • Tuesday…feeling better now! btw – still waiting for that fangirl e-mail. :-)

        • Haha, I had massive computer problems this weekend, but I assure you it’s on the way!

    • YOU WERE MISSED…FYI ….Its cyber monday…the web is shaking and about to morph….

      Ok really going now…”to my window”…

  38. “All monumental moments in a relationship should happen in a forest”

    LMAO. I’ll rember that.

  39. I learned that HHH has a “flaw”, its his left nipple and I would do him anyway.

    The best thing about ALL THIS twi-ness is the LTT/LTR ladies (unicorns, Smeyer, and Rob — I know your lurking out there —– how could you not.
    This site is funny EVERY DAY!
    :: Waves Hello to everybody::
    The best part of my day is coming here.

    • No, no, no! There is nothing wrong with Rob’s nipple. They messed his beautiful chest up in the final edit.

      This is how he looked in the leaked stills:

      http://cdn.buzznet.com/media-cdn/jj1/headlines/2009/05/robert-pattinson-new-moon-shirtless.jpg

      http://www.shockya.com/news/wp-content/uploads/new_moon_edward_shirtless9.jpg

      • Thank you, thank you, thank you for putting this out there. I have been biting my tongue all day about Mipplegate. It’s FINE, ppl! His nipple is FINE! It’s not like he has leprosy and even if he did that wouldn’t be funny!

      • There’s nothing wrong with Rob’s nipple?
        Amen, the world is a better place once again…
        I thought it was some lovebite gone wrong…(must blame Stewie for that)…..!

  40. Okay, 2 question questionaire for research purposes:

    Would you read a biweekly (or monthly) column that chronicled an average gal’s adventures from headshots to end result in attempting to book a minor part in a major film franchise?

    If so, in which publication would you expect to read this (and which format: online or print)?

    Thanks :)

    • 1) Yes. I’ll never be in the entertainment world, but I’m interested in how it works. You always hear celebrities talking about how they were discovered, but you don’t get a feel for the leg work that goes into it.

      2) Online, likely. I probably wouldn’t keep up with it otherwise, unless I happened to subscribe to the publication.

      • ditto

      • thanks…i’m interested in how it works too, hence the effort I’m about to invest in what I’m calling Operation Book Kate in Breaking Dawn.

      • @tuesday and Ang, what online publications do you actually read?

        • Do you mean there are other things online besides LTT?

          Seriously, most of what I read online are news outlets (local and national) or sites like entertainment weekly.

          • Excellent. Which pubs are on your RSS? I’m trying to create my pitch letter and figure out who to pitch.

          • TS – Sorry, I don’t RSS. I actually visit the sites. I know…I’m old school. I have to visit all the local media sites daily for my job (4 tv stations and 3 newspapers) so I go there anyway. I don’t think any of those would be of interest to you. I’ll e-mail you a list of other sites to see if anything grabs your interest!

          • I have to grab their interests ;)
            No worries on the RSS. I do RSS, but I never check it. Bad Web 2.0 Girl! BAD!

        • I have no idea what RSS is! I see the little icon in firefox but I don’t know what it does, haha. I don’t do a lot of regular reading of online publications… oh, I do read Slate, does that count? I mostly just read the major news sites… and WordPress… and LTT…

      • I would read too – online of course. You could start a blog+twitter+facebook and go from there! :)

        • No, I work for pay.

          • ads, lots of ads?

          • as a freelance writer, I would say you’ll probably make more $ these days if you go after the web vs. print.

            good luck and keep us updated!

  41. Yes, whenever I have something to tell hubby that he won’t want to hear, I drive him into the forest.

    And then I leave him there without a compass. By the time he finds his way home, he’s too tired to argue.

    • Hahahahaha

      Hummmm, I have to try that….

      Not many forests in Florida, more like wooded areas, cluster f*ck of trees….hard to think of “forest areas” when its 90 -100 degrees almost all the time.

      Maybe a drive to the everglades would do??

      • Any swampland would work, tasha. Or a sinkhole…like devil’s milhopper or maybe one of the intricate cave systems up in the ocala/gainesville zone? Watch out for archer! Oh, ocala national forest! they shot Jeepers Creepers around there!

        Anyway, yay for Florida…even though I’m missin’ my portland.

    • I’m sooo gonna have to remember that one :-)

  42. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by TSOT: Everything I need to know about life I learned from New Moon: http://wp.me/pogYm-1I5 (via @letter2twilight)…

  43. “Just like in Twilight it is perfectly normal to expect your best friend to be the boy next door who suddenly morphs into a hit piece with a 12 pack, a penchant for fixing up broke down cars and motorcycles, and will love you more than your whiny ass deserves even when you can’t get over the hot vampire boyfriend who dumped you in the woods months ago and moved away.”

    This happens to me (or rather, my best male friends) ALL of the time!

    Seriously, can someone remind me again why she chooses Edward over Jake?

    • Shes afraid of Chris Hansen and his ice tea.

      Have a seat on the bar stool….

  44. I learned that New Moon was SOOOO much better under the influence of Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka.

    • Or Vodka and Red Bull!

      • Or Long Island Ice teas. 2 for 1 at Chili’s while the masses waited in line.

        Bwah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  45. I learnt that Aro is basically the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

    • Whahahahaha. You’re so right!

  46. I have nothing witty or charming to say other than you ladies rock my socks off! I am laughing like a crazy woman here at work and people are looking at me.

    I love you Moon, UC and all the ladies that comment here!!!!

    • We love you, too. And hopefully it’s not too cold where you are since you no longer have socks on.

    • Completely agree!! Reading these posts and comments is the highlight of my day.

      Although it just shows me how much I need to work on my snark-y-ness to ever possibly measure up….

  47. Oh, I also learned that when dragging your husband to see New Moon, you should not tell him about Emily beforehand. It’s really funny when she turns around to show her mangled face and he *yells*, “AH! What the hell?!”

    • oops! that i meant for my comment to appear HERE… i hit the wrong “reply” button… commenter FAIL… that’s me. (see below comment please!)

  48. and now, to pull and Elaine Benes type shove, “GET OUT! HE DID THAT?!”

    ROFL… did the theater floor open up and swallow you?

  49. I learned that”love spelled backwards is love” might have been a better movie choice for that marshmallow, mike. Face Punch was obviously too much for him lol

    • True that.

  50. I LOVE LIFE! and I LOVE THESE LIFE LESSONS!! I even love you today….that is how good I am now feeling. Whoot whoot!

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