Stuff guys say about Twilight: The Sparkly version

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If only I could sparkle like Edward...

Dear women of LTT,

Has it seemed to you like guys are saying less and less about Twilight? My husband hasn’t said anything remotely sarcastic about it in weeks. Maybe it’s because the hype has died down a bit- it’s like the calm before the storm of New Moon hits. Or maybe *brilliant thought alert* our guys have seen the New Moon clips and are so impressed by the wolves and so unimpressed by Edward’s airbrushed abs that they’re re-thinking their mantra of “Must make fun of Twilight and sparkly vampires- no matter the cost.” And you know there are guys out there that have said, after seeing the clips of Edward shirtless (or finding your homemade, shirtless Edward bookmark in your Bible), “That’s it!? That’s what turns you on? Babe, give me two days to work off this Hot Pocket & Heineken gut, and I’ll show you something to get turned on about.” Right, that’s the same.

Anyway, to remind us of how much guys love to talk about how Edward sparkles & to get us excited for all the amazing things guys are going to say about New Moon, I’ve come across a few unshared stories about stuff guys say about Twilight. Can we start taking bets NOW on how long after New Moon is released it will be before we start hearing “I’ll show you a New Moon” while our guy bends over and pulls down his pants? Oh- today’s images brought to you by google image searching “Edward Sparkles”

Seriously corpse-looking Edward: Any funny business and I'll say "Cookie."

Seriously corpse-looking Edward: Any funny business and I'll say "Cookie."

Jennifer’s convo with her moisturized man:

So, I get up in the morning and shower for work and I notice that my last bottle of Caress Shimmering Body Lotion is nearly empty and propped upside down in the shower caddy. Well, I didn’t do that, so my first guess was that the husband did. *ahem*

So the next day, I made a quip about how my lotion was almost gone “The shimmery lotion …” I said, trying to make him feel gay for using glitter.

So he says, “It was the only lotion there was! I think you just wanted me to sparkle like Edward.”

During a recent viewing of Twilight, Twisted Larissa had the following conversation:

Boyfriend: Are you seriously watching this again?
Me: Shut up
Boyfriend: Why doesnt he just do her instead of flying across the room like a dumbass?
Me: He cant…its complicated…he loves her but the smell of her…
Boyfriend: Nevermind its gay. Plus he sparkles
Me: You wouldnt understand
Boyfriend
: I understand that the fag wont just do her, she obviously wants it
Me: Ugh why cant you be more like Edward
Boyfriend: Edward? Is that the cute shirtless indian?
Me: Who’s gay now?
And a Unicorn, who is potentially my uncle, shares his story:

hellnoDear LTT,

After months of prodding my wife “leveraged” me into reading Twilight by rewarding me for each chapter. Hell, for that I would read the entire Jane Austen collection. But I digress. As far as the Twilight series…let me sum it up:

  • Bella, annoying teenager that I don’t understand.
  • Edward, a girly vampire (did I mention he is very attractive and sparkles…it was pretty much a sub-plot of the book).
  • Jacob, seems like a cool hairy guy except for his obsession with Bella, but seems to be the only one that a real man would come close to relating to.

The books were a quick read and not all that bad, except for the 45 page tirades about how good Edward looked, or how good he smelled, or how good of a person he was, or how noble he was, or …you get the point. So other than that, the 25 remaining pages of Twilight were tolerable. I just still do not understand what all the fuss is about. I mean, I tried rubbing glitter all over my body to see if it would make me more attractive during a recent trip to the park. I am of Scandanavian decent so I already have the paleness! All I got was a lot of curious stares…perhaps I should have used more hairgel. That must have been the problem.

At any rate, I told my wife that I would gladly escort her to the New Moon premiere as long as I can write “Team Jacob” down my arms and debate with teenage girls about the merits of why Edward is a virus carrying pedophile.

Sincerely,
A pale Sparkly Team Jacob Member

This Unicorn’s email address said his name was the same as my uncles. I had a panic attack. Seriously. His email address even looked like my uncles. So I wrote him back saying this:

Dear Team Jacob member who has the same name as my uncle & is really creeping me out that you might actually be my uncle so if you happen to have 3 children & live in Pennsylvania let’s just keep this between us. At thanksgiving I won’t mention Team Jacob & you don’t mention knowing I lust over Rob Pattinson. Capiche?,

Hugs… see ya at Mom-moms,
UC

So is it just my guy who has stopped talking about Twilight!? What have your guys talked about lately? Oh, and Bobbygee- we’re counting on you to give us something good today!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

After the jump, find out who won our cafe-press T-shirt contest!

There's no way Rob won't want you in this!

There's no way Rob won't want you in this!

TIFFANIZED congrats on winning whatever Twilight T-shirt you desire from CafePress. Pick a good one and wear it proudly!!!!!

Tiffanized’s winning outfit was:

A – Crappy wig in honor of the synthetic nightmares worn by Taylor, Jackson and Rosalie.
B – Slutty Bella’s Wal-Mart cami (actually from Wal-Mart, on clearance for $6. Truth.
C – Pink assless chaps, for riding motorcycles in my attempts to summon Ghostward.
D – Pink and aqua Keds Slip-ons, Twilight themed. Comfortable AND fashionable. And they match my assless chaps.
E – Cullen crest tattoo, because I am COMMITTED, dammit.
F – Twilight flask. Because there’s no way this is happening if I’m sober.

Congrats, Tiff! Your outfit is amazing. And THANKS to everyone who entered. We loved them all and laughed so hard! To see all the entries, visit the comments of the Contest Post! And don’t worry if you haven’t won lately, we will be having plenty more contest in the upcoming months & weeks! Starting with who has the best “New Moon” ifyouknowwhatI’msayin’

Discuss your guys on The Forum
What would Rob do if he wasnt’ famous? Find out with Moon on LTR

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163 Responses

  1. My brother watched Twilight for the first tome ever on Saturday night because there was nothing else on.
    And he liked it.
    And yes, he’s straight.
    Anywho, despite ragging out Twilight and Edward Cullen any chance he got, he doesn’t mind Ed as a character.
    Oh and here’s the kicker: I showed him the most recent NM trailer when it first came out and he said it looked like complete shit.
    I showed him again Sunday morning and he told me he was excited to see it!!
    So now he’s coming to NM midnight release with me!

    And congrats Tiffanized, love the outift!!! lol

    • Ha my brother is the exact same!
      I came in one day and he was watching it. I tried to say hello and get this.. he told me to shuush because he couldn’t hear the Bella!

    • That trailer is so good. I would want to see the movie regardless of my obsession.

  2. Tiffanized, I would recommend you put gingerale in that flask or risk Chief CopStach finding you face down and bare ass up in a ditch looking for a crazy ass wig in a tree.
    Ghostward, however, finds it sexy.

    • mmm….kate….now you have me thinkin’ about billy burke slappin’ my ass chaps!

      • Which would make it all worth it…

    • I promised that would never happen again, Kate.

  3. My bf has ingored Twilight thoroughly from the beginning, so no surprises there… I made him listen to the New Moon soundtrack and poke him into saying there was good music on there, but he still refused to budge… but whatevs. Twilight is my domain, like soccer is his.

    • They are stubborn, aren’t they?

      • Sure are. Their loss.

    • My bf LOVES Thom Yorke and Radiohead. I put on the NM soundtrack, and he was like “Is this Thom Yorke?” “Yup” “That’s cool. Yeah, wow, listen to that part [the drum n bass at the end]. I could definitely put that into one of my mixes!” (My bf’s a DJ). And he halfway agreed that the Editors’ singer sort of sounds like the guy from Magnetic Fields (who does wear assless chaps on a regular basis).

  4. I try to keep my Twilight/Rob obsession from my husband. I only go online when he’s at work. If I’m re-reading one of the books, I’ll have another book in front of it so he can’t tell what I’m really reading. It was working out pretty well until my oldest child yelled out one night (while I was trying to read Twilight in the privacy of my own room!), “Haven’t you read that book, like, 12 times?”

    Kids can be so annoying.

    • My daughter does the same thing. In the morning, if I’m trying to get a little LTR in while I’m supposed to be making sure she’s fed and ready for school,she yells, “Dad, Mom’s looking at Rob again”.

      She wants to see New Moon with me (she’s 7). She’s seenTtwilight, but I’m on the fence about it. She’d better stop tattling if she even wants me to consider it, though.

      • I’m definitely taking my four year old to see New Moon. She would never forgive me if I didn’t.

        I hope that doesn’t make me a bad mom…

        • No it doesn’t make you a bad mom. It’s not like there’s nudity or extreme violence.

          My 12 year old son wants to see it, just because he thinks KStew is hot *rolls eyes*. I don’t want to take him because I would feel awkward ogling Rob with him sitting next to me!

          • i am planning a 3 generation new moon event for us… my mom and my 10 year old daughter and me. all of us will be blushing and giggling the whole time.

          • My mom wants to see it, which is fine because it’s just one more opportunity for me to see it :) . But I would feel a little weird sitting next to me mom while hyperventilating over shirtless Rob. She doesn’t know what a perv I’ve become.

          • Am taking my 13 yr old daughter to the premiere but told her she had to go find her friends to sit with while I sit with mine, that way she doesn’t have to censor her teen hyper squealing and I don’t have to censor my Robward fantasy comments :)

        • Not a bad mom! I will take my 5 almost 6 year old after I see it first! She’s seen all the trailers and loves listening to the soundtrack with me. She would never forgive me either if I didn’t take her!

          • My five year old is afraid of WallE …. I don’t think Twilight is her speed. Although, I wish I could take her as an excuse to go myself.

          • Had to laugh about your 5 yr old being afraid of WallE, when my son was 4 he was afraid of Clifford the Big Red Dog. Wouldn’t even stay in the room when it was on :)

          • Aww! your kid’s afraid of WallE, that’s so cute! It is seriously an eeries movie, especially at the beginning. I almost cried when he first runs over the cockroach.

      • My daughter who is 7 wants to go too, but I told her I had to see it first. Plus, she also makes comments about how many times I have read the books. She is ‘making’ me read the Harry Potter books before I can read Twilight again. Probably a good idea since she is already on Order of the Phoenix, I have to catch up so I can join her HP book/fan club! She is awesome! :-)

    • Holy crap! I have the Marley and Me cover over my Twilight book right now because if my husband sees Twilight in my bag ever again I’ll have some problems to deal with! HA!

      • very ingenious.

      • So smart!

    • I too have been sprung by the kids. My 12 year old son decided it must be a good read if mummy has read it 10 times but after about half way he threw it down in disgust and said urghhhh it’s a love story!!!!!

  5. Mr. Fang has an odd obsession with Muse all of a sudden. I am convinced it is because he is secretly in love with all things Twilight.

    Conversation yesterday:

    Me: “For my birthday next year, all I want is for you to not mention the words: car, camero, transam, automobile, vehicle, etc. I swear I won’t mention Him”

    Mr. Fang: “No deal. I just block you out when you mention Mr. Patterson.”

    Me: “I want a divorce!” (Although that won’t work as we are not married.)

    Mr. Fang: *sighs. Spots a camero and begins his rambling.

    Congrats Tiffanized! I knew that you had it in the bag once I saw those pink assless chaps. ;)

    • I know what u mean.Its the same with my fiance… he has his unicorn moments….like right now he keeps singing “everything everything ends” (cause he doesnt know any other lyrics) but rolls his eyes when he sees me read the books or ask him to go for the movie….men….sigh…
      p.s. i think he’s secretly team edward for the cars they own, but states that he’s team jacob cause he builds them and thats more manly… :)

    • Why didn’t you say, “Who is Mr. Patterson?”

  6. TIFFANIZED Congrats!!!!!!! Love the outfit LMAO

  7. Congrats Tiffanized!
    ” Twilight flask. Because there’s no way this is happening if I’m sober. “

  8. Actually Arnold and Lou used baby oil just before a competition to show off the ripped effect. Shavng is good too. The new moon is old. Mooning is cool. My wife wants me to use shampoo on my completely bald head. http://bobbygee.wordpress.com/

    • oh my…

    • BOBBYGEE! You rock my world.

    • Wow! I think he just told you that this blog talking about New Moon is getting old.

      I still love you, Bobbygee.

      And I am starting to think that we are all being punked. When is Ashton going to run in?

    • Um, huh?

    • omg… i needed that laugh……!

    • I just had an epiphany!

      What if Bobbygee is really Rob?

      He has a fake futebol blog to cover up the fact that he reads Twi sites. I bet he reads LTR too but doesn’t comment.

      If I was really e-mailing Rob instead of a 50ish, balding, Brazilian, I would die.

      Seriously. Think about this ladies.

      • I think you are definitely on to something…

      • Um…I’d think he’d have to actually be into futebol. The blog is pretty on task.

      • I was thinking the same thing! He would definitely be nerdy enough to make a fake blog. He probably let’s TomStu do all the work though.

        • I am calling Bobbygee “Rob” from now on.

          • Not a stretch either…just another nickname for Robert.

          • Ok. Changed my mind. His name will be “Robbygee”

            kthanxbi

    • I love bobbygee. He’s like the LTT mascot.

      • he got his own section on the FAQ last night

        • Holy Celebrity! He’s like the coolest cat ever.

          When’s TammyO getting her section? hahaha

          • Can someone please point me to the TammyO scandal or explain it to me? I came in too late to experience it.

          • TammyO was a commenter that basically came out of the woodwork a few weeks/months ago on a Robsten-related post spewing hatred while everyone else was playing nice as usual. She basically called us all fat and smelly and … desperate cougars or something? All because some of us didn’t think R&K were actually a couple (or didn’t want them to be). I don’t know. Paraphrasing. It was a little bit funny. Whenever you see a ton of thumbs downs in the comments, it’s assumed it’s TammyO having her say. Or at least I assume it’s her. The Legend of TammyO.

            I’m probably not the best person to attempt to explain this – someone else might be able to point you in the direction of the post this all went down on…

          • i completely forget when/where it started.. but that was a great explanation.. the only thing i’ll add is at first it was just directly towards Moon & I.. and that’s cool.. we can take it, but once she started calling our 24 year old fans cougars we had enough. It’s not fair to the REAL cougars for 24 year olds to take their name… they have their youth…. so we banned her.

            Just kidding. NO really.. she’s banned.. but b/c she was mean to other ppl other than Moon & I. We will not stand for that!

    • I prefer waxing to shaving for chests, bobbygee.

      Go Phillies!

    • I think we might have our secret-code for the LTT T-shirt …

  9. My husband can’t really avoid Twilight or Rob, since he’s the one person in RL that I talk to about it. Make that talk at. He really doesn’t care, but he’ll usually pretend to listen patiently. Of course he’s getting dragged to New Moon, which he’s not all that thrilled about, but he’ll come around. I don’t think there will be as much to laugh at as there was in Twilight. He actually gets me a lot of the magazines and stuff like that, and the other night he said, “you know, I know as much about this as you. It’s not right”.

  10. As I am unattached at the moment, the only men in my life who know about my secret Twihardness are my brother and dad. My brother tells me I’m gay all the time. We went out yesterday to Wal-Mart (for the sole purpose of getting the People New Moon magazine, which he did NOT know) and he was like I can’t believe I just took you on a Twilight run. Like I was getting drugs or something! Which I sorta was, but that’s beside the point. I told him he could just read the books and/or watch the movie and he would know what I was talking about. He refused…again.

    My dad always calls Rob Edward Diggory. I laugh every time. At least he knows something!

    • “My dad always calls Rob Edward Diggory”

      I love that! My dad fell asleep while watching both. He has no idea about the depth of my obsessions.

      And I think we may have the same brother. Mine is always saying “You’re gay” “That’s gay” etc. when referring to anything. He does like Twilight (movies only, no books) though and asked off of work way back in July for November 20. His favorite Twi thing to say is “As if you could outrun me.” That phrase makes its way into a conversation at least three times a week.

      • My brother knows I could totally outrun him…as soon as I put out my cigarette and tape my boobs down so I don’t black my eyes…

      • LOL on the Edward Diggory!

    • I love the idea of Twilight shopping as a drug run. FTW. I may have to use that later.

    • Love it! God, I’d never hear the end of it if my family knew. Love that your bro acted like it was a drug run (which, as you said, it totally was).

  11. it’ll be hilarious to see how many will come to the movie wearing glitter… imma be lookin for it! at least in this movie the sparkle will look cooler. Weiz said to think sun on snow… a better take than ILM’s glitter-fest effect.

    anyway, my hubby is looking forward to the movie too (sparkles and all) and on Friday MORNING he got me the NM sndtrk w/ the bonus tracks (total = 18) w/ the Death Cab video and promo pic! he was all cute holding the cd, “surprise!” we both really like the music. i even loaded it on my computer at work.

    – and to Team Seth (once you’re on) –
    the trip was really great but the temp was sorta cold on the river and the platform we camped on was nice and big but cold too. at least no one flipped their kayak over! we all stayed dry, yeah! we saw a few deer and a have you ever seen a wild turkey? we saw a dozen+ in a group, along the river bank. my arms are a bit sore, but i’d totally do it again!

    • @ambushed Awesome on both soundtrack and trip!

      Glad no one flipped into the water. Where I used to work (both Disney and Lockheed Martin) had wild turkey! Though the turkey legs they serve at Disney [World] are actually emu. Turkey legs never get that big. At Lockheed we also had deer, foxes, and once I even saw a bobcat!!!! One of their locations is right by a wildlife preserve.

      ps-are you ever gonna reply to my loooong email?!

      • yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! of course! sorry, been worn out and the net service has been all fritzy here b/c of the weather. but i really will! -wink,wink,blink-

        and one time in Beaufort County NC i saw black panthers walking down a dirt road at dusk. THAT was crazy. we stopped the car but didn’t dare get out!

        and yeah-man, i am loving the soundtrack!

  12. No men know about my favortism to Twilight. Nope, none. Unless you count my three year old son who plays with my Little EC while playing with his GI Joes. But he doesn’t care.

    • that’s cause you’re bringing him up right

      • So long as he realizes that EC could kick GI Joe’s butt!

  13. “…as long as I can write “Team Jacob” down my arms and debate with teenage girls about the merits of why Edward is a virus carrying pedophile.” I’m not sure why, but this cracked me up!

    My bf doesn’t really know about my Twilight obsession. Though one time he borrowed my car, which had the Twilight soundtrack in the cd player. He told me that it sucked. I opened my mouth to retort, but then I realized that he was kind of right (Hit it!).

    • That totally cracked me up too! It’s so true as well. He is carrying a virus and he is [in a way] a pedophile!

      The fact that he’ll write Team Jacob down his arm speaks of true dedication.

    • The Twilight soundtrack does kind of suck [a lot]. The NM soundtrack however… I’m only not diggin’ the Black Rebel Motorcycle tune and the Hurricane Bells tune (I feel bad, ‘cuz it’s their big break, but the music is so repetitive and uncomplicated and “young”).

      • I haven’t heard it yet! I know, I know, bad tuesdaymidnight! Even though I like almost all the artists on it, I’m still afraid… but I keep hearing good things. I’m just going to have to break down and get it.

        • It’s only $9.99 at best buy if you work it right. (that is, tell them you saw it online for only $9.99)

  14. And, congrats Tiffanized! It makes me happy to know I live in world where pink assless chaps exist.

    • You would be surprised to what extent they exist. There is a huge market for these things, apparently.

  15. Recently forced man meat to watch Twilight….he said nothing of interest. Will prod for further LTT fodder for dear friends….Until then….

  16. congrats, Tiffanized! that outfit is HOT lol…
    Mister has not said anything about Twilight recently per se, but i think his unicornization is going well. this is why:
    1. he listened to the whole NM soundtrack with me and liked it. he is also starting to get into Muse (finally!) after always calling them “too goth and melodramatic” in the past. now all of a sudden he’s getting songs stuck in his head and wants to go see them in concert.
    2. he is going to the NM premiere with me. he is not even complaining about this. in fact, he watched the trailers and said he thinks it looks good. (!!!!!)
    3. when i came home from work the other night, and insisted on checking LTT (it had been a couple of days) he sat and read the entirety of the gil appreciation and kstew posts with me. his reactions (to kstew) – “aw, why are they mean to her? she smokes weed? i like her more now for some reason….” (to gil) “is he one of the wolves? i don’t remember. i might need to watch that movie again.” he even made me watch the videos, which i normally don’t do, and was impressed at mr. birmingham’s handling of stevie ray vaughn.
    now i just have to convince him to let me read him the books. any ideas?
    sorry this is so long, but no one else will appreciate this news.

    • Um, sounds like you’re almost fully there.

      I think once you start reading the books (using voices of course!) you can try to get him to read the Edward parts (possibly even Charlie, guys seem to really like Charlie). You might consider reading Midnight Sun (and explain that it’s the secret book, make it sound sexy and mysterious) since it talks about how hot Bella is. Maybe he’ll related to a girl being sexy more than a guy being “beautiful”? I feel that eventually reading it aloud will be moving the story too slow, and he’ll just start reading it on his own. If not, you’ll be moving into a hot role playing moment… (you could write your own ff based on it.)

      • role play! hahahahahaha! and write your own ff!

        ahh, ideas…

      • actually, i read to him all the time; believe it or not! we’re working our way through anne rice’s vamp books right now, actually. i figured they’d be like a gateway drug. i read to my mother too. i don’t know, it’s like my thing. and voices are definitely involved! i am not neccessarily opposed to hot role play, though! (p.s. those are my two least favorite tracks too.)

  17. My husband pretends to ignore and poke fun at all things Twilight but suspiciously has watched every single New Moon trailer with true interest. He watched Twilight on DVD with me and asked me a bunch of questions at the end. Me thinks he’s in the closet with his Twi Love.

    I had a laugh the other day when I thought about my dad who passed away almost two years ago and what he would say about all this. He was the type to find a joke in everything and I can almost hear his jokes about my obession with sparkling vampires…it all does sound pretty redunkulous!

  18. Moon and UC may (potentially) have the weirdest uncles.

    ok… Totally off topic here, but I just watched the year old one hour video of the VF shoot (I know, I know bad fangirl), and was struck by intense eye-effing between Kstew and Robward even back then. I watched it after reading the hilarious VF breakdown over on LTR by UC and Moon and couldn’t help thinking how badly I want to see thier break down of that. That’s Normal. There is sooo much material there and besides, there can never be too much VF breakdown. Two words: Hair. Fluffer.

    Also, because I am so use to seeing the pic of the cast on this blog’s header, watching it come together on video felt like watching DaVinci’s Last Super come to life. All this time of looking at this pic and I never knew that Elizabeth was down there between Kellan, Rob’s and Peter’s legs. So THATS what they are staring at. Smart girl!

    • like watching the last supper come to life!!! Da Vinci just rolled over in his grave!

      • Nah… from what I’ve read DaVinci would have been totes Team Rob… specially RomeRob. Sigh

    • Haha! You said “fluffer!” Even though you didn’t mean it in the dirty way, I still snickered. ;)

      • ;) seriously… have you seen that guy!

    • “Elizabeth was down there between Kellan, Rob’s and Peter’s legs”
      THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID! … sorry, couldn’t resist!

    • we have big plans for breaking that down:) don’t worry!

  19. Mr LPB just tells me any time he sees Rob, and I sigh ‘out loud’…”You aren’t going to be sad when he comes out as gay, right?” Boys are so silly.

    Tiffanized! Wow, just wow. Your outfit is really nice, but not completed until the WIG! omg, I do not know where you found that but holy chiz, that be funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. “Can we start taking bets NOW on how long after New Moon is released it will be before we start hearing “I’ll show you a New Moon” while our guy bends over and pulls down his pants?”

    “Boyfriend: Edward? Is that the cute shirtless indian?”

    ROTFLMAO!

    “I tried rubbing glitter all over my body to see if it would make me more attractive during a recent trip to the park.”

  21. I’ve just recently come out as a Twi-aholic to my best male gay friend and one of his friends, and by doing so found out that they too, were closeted Twi lovers. What sweet relief! We just sat around and shared our love of Twilight–consisting mainly of the hotness of Rob, Team Edward vs. Team Jacob, and the crappy clothes in the movie. Huh, sounds a lot like this blog.

    • You are lucky, my main gays say they are ‘too old’ to get Twilight……They did go see Little Ashes with me, but only one of them thought Rob was do-able. They are happy to giggle with me (at me?) swooning over him, though, very understanding…..

      • @LPB – You are right, I am lucky. I don’t know why it took me so long to confess. I should have known better. All I have to do is dangle a hot boy in front of them to get them talking – should have known they would know all about Rob.

  22. I finally got my s/o to watch Twilight with me… With the rifftrax on, that is. The upside is that I WON. :) I got him to watch it because he said he never would. The downside? Now I can’t watch it without hearing the comments in my head. Bella’s lullaby will always be ” I want to rip into your throat…. And watch you bleed out on the floor” :(

    • MrRaven had a running commentary when he watched the movie as well. Now I can’t watch the scene in biology without thinking about unsavory lady bits. Seriously, my husband is gross.

  23. I love that unicorn. And all of the accompanying creepyass images.

    P.S. congrats Tiff! I was pretty proud of my sparkly cameltoe/jorts combo, but nothing beats pink assless chaps and a tattoo.

    • I was impressed by your sparkly camel toe too! I thought you were going to win.

      • It’s ok, Tiff’s was awesome. Besides, my prize will be Robward’s face when I hike up the jorts to reveal said sparkly cameltoe and creepily whisper “do I dazzle you?” Instant win.

        • Hahahahaha! How could Rob refuse??

        • Creeptastic!!!!!!!!

  24. My husband is my twi-enabler. he has not read the books, but he did sit somewhat patiently when I summarized each one to him & he’s watched the movie. And he let me keep my cardboard Edward in the kitchen for a few months (it’s at my friend’s house now – we have joint custody)

    My hubby’s favorite line by far is “before you, my life was like a moonless night.” He whips that out to make me laugh. He even sent me roses once with that on the card because we both think that is the lamest line of all time. Of all time. Of course, the woman at the flower shop who took the order was all touched and told him how romantic he was.

    Tiffanized – love your pink assless chaps! So perfect for new moon.

    Wait – this just in – I asked my husband what his favorite thing to quote from Twilight is and he said “the end.” And then he added, “Rob’s gay”

    • My husband is now too, my Twi-enabler. And enemy of the neighbor husbands.

      I posted this yesterday, but totes more appropriate for today.

      This wknd, my hubs took me to the movies. When the NM trailer came on, I squeed, hopped about in my seat and slapped said hubs in the arm. He rolls eyes, but takes it like a man.

      AND at the movies, he buys me the EC NM cup. Le Sigh. He only slightly killed it by asking the concession guy for the powdery gay one.

      Then, after texting this to my neighbor and fellow twi addict, her hubs is mad at my hubs for making him look bad.

      THEN my hubs goes (independently) to WalMart and gets us both (neighbor and me) copies of Seventeen magazine that has the NM behind the scenes article and pull out Jacob poster.

      Does it get better than this?

  25. My brother first watched the 2nd half of the movie and kept rolling his eyes a Bella. But once the baseball scene came on he perked up. He then asked me to borrow my dvd stating how he watched all of his movies and didn’t have anything to watch anymore. He then told me he fell asleep watching it *rolls eyes* I then ask for my movie back and he’s all ‘no! I’ll watch it this time.’ The next day he’s all ‘it wasn’t bad. But I could go for another Bella.’ As if I hadn’t already thought of that.
    When the VMAs came around and my mother and I were watching to catch the trailer, he was watching right along w/ us. He kept commenting ‘oh well that why they gave each other that look at the end of the movie!’ *insert comment from me here*
    Needless to say the girl he likes is a fan so she’s gonna be dragging him w/ her.
    I’m now trying to convince him to read the book but that gonna be a hard sale.

    • This guy at my old work had a 14 year old son who was reading all the Twi books so that he could have an easier time picking up girls. Nothing more attractive than a guy who reads Twilight.

  26. My husband has finally caught on to my little obsession. I hid it for several months. He actually wanted to watch Twilight again with me … and spent the entire time asking me questions that didn’t make sense to him since he didn’t read the books. Stuff like: Why is Rosalie such a bitch? Is Bella supposed to have some sort of mental disorder? Do they have sex in the book? And why did I laugh so hard when Carlisle said, “Animal Attack”? When pressed what is favorite part of the movie is, he responded, “I like that truck she drives.” Yeah.

    • “Is Bella supposed to have some sort of mental disorder?”

      BWAHAHAHAHA!! LMAO Seriously.

  27. No personal man of my own, but I have a bunch of male friends (real life – RL) who are in love with the movie “Twilight” – they won’t bring themselves to read the books because who reads these days in their opinion. And why imagine hot chicks when you can see them on screen and comment on whose boobies are just right for this hand or for that hand. Why read when you can pretend your monkey-man Emmett, an emoless Edward, or that weird dude who looks constipated while watching it all play out in front of you. Or better yet be Mike Dexter or that guy with that other guy who was in “Booty Call,” you know the guy who got to bang Kelly from “Saved by the Bell” (who has time to remember stars names) – u know that show that McG did.

    They give me no slack when I leave their white behinds drunk on Coors Light to go hang with my other white friends (the Cullens and the Swans), my tan friend Jacob, and a few people of color, Angela, Billy, Eric, Sam take one and his friend, and Tyler all affectionately known as my Forks folks (I know there are other folks of color running around in the background but they didn’t have names or talk, why I know this – I’m black & I counted but thats for another day).

    My male RL friends understand my need to spend time with the Forks folks and immerse myself more often than not in their story. They get the joke when I call this cutie baby Edward because he stares at me for hours on end without blinking. They get it unlike my fellow dorks at the comic book store who bring up every time I come in to get my other obsession, that I like dumb emo, sparkly fake vampires who stalk chicks. They dare not say anything about him being a 100 year old virgin because well they dare not say.

  28. My husband was more excited to see Twilight than me, and when we saw it he liked it more than me. And then summer rolled around and I took a vacation to the beach with my parents. And while my son was playing with the grandparents I actually had a chance to read. I chose the Twilight series and now my life will never be the same.
    I’ve been showing my husband all the new moon stuff and he’s excited about the movie too! Although he got upset when I told him I was going with a friend to the movies, someone has to stay home and watch our son! Even though he totally wants to see it too, but he’s only 4, I’ll decide after I see it if I want to take him to the movie theater or wait until DVD.

  29. “Do they have sex in the book?”…of course that would be a question a man would ask. Then when you tell the background story of how Edward tries to dissuade her throughout the books, you get the response “well, he is gay.” Oh S. Meyer, if only you would have written our boy Edward a little more manly, we wouldn’t have these troubles.

  30. My husband and I were watching True Blood last night, and he again told me how annoying Bill is because he doesn’t like being a vampire. Bill is just like Edward, he says. Why can’t they be like other vampires who like being vampires?! I’m gonna make a movie starring 3 super cool vampires who like being all fast and strong and having wild sex and killing people and stuff all the time. That would be cool!
    So I tried to explain the moral and ethical issues the boys are dealing with to no avail. I finally just said that, well, Alice likes being a vampire. And he said, “I like her. She was the one who danced in on the limb,right?” And he says he doesn’t like Twilight..

    • If you’re looking for the manly, strong and sexy vampire that glamours chicks to sleep with him, then DAMON is your man, from the Vampire Diaries. Its on tv Thursday nights. I somehow got sucked into another vampire story. Imagine that?

  31. OMG.

    Boyfriend: Edward? Is that the cute shirtless indian?
    Me: Who’s gay now?

    I cannot even begin to describe how hard that made me laugh. Team Jake-abs is officially taking over the world. Not only is TayTay in danger from the overage female population, but now the bros are coming for him too. I’d advise him to stay indoors and away from windows on his birthday.

    …Shoot – no I wouldn’t, cause I think he’s hella sexy too…
    *checks over shoulder for Chris Hansen*

  32. I think most males are on Team Jacob… At least this is what I’ve noticed. Having said this, I am sure that all of your boyfriens/husbands/male-friends are unicorns. They tease and harrass you, sure, but they know more about Twilight than the average dude.

    • P.S. Congrats on winning the contest, Miss Tiffanized! I especially dug the wig. Is that a mushroom cut I see?!!?!

    • Nah, my professor friend who is bicurious saw a picture of Taylor and was all, “He’s so not my type. What a beefhead, ugh. He’s one of those frat guys with no brains.”

      I almost argued with him, but thought, “I guess the thin wiry is more his type.” Plus, he must not know any frat guys…most of them have beer bellies.

      • “Are you going to actually buy something this time, or are you just curious?”

        “Well, let’s just say that I’m buy-curious.”

        Haha, sorry, you said “bicurious” and it made me think of Tobias. :)

        • winner winner!

          I haven’t been good about reading the comments lately (shame on me), but it’s fate that I saw this. I was scrolling scrolling scrolling and just stopped here.

          Tobias… you blow hard!

  33. my husband dnt want me to watch Twilight any more cause then i want to read the books all over again i will not shut up about it!!! Plus i won an Edward life-size poster so yeah! its at my mothers house husband freaked n did not want to have it in the bedroom! hahaha

  34. My dh is def a unicorn, has read all the books, seen Twilight and is pretty okay with it all. Was incredibly proud of him this summer when I had posted on my FB about being out in the backyard and something going up my pant leg and biting me 8 times, and he commented that maybe it was Pocket Edward.:)

    Only thing he has flicked me crap over lately, besides making him take the day off work on Nov.20th so I can go see NM again, is when dd and I were googling shirtless Taycob to find a hot pic for one of my friend’s B’Day. He had to rant a little over the fact that men now are objectified as much as women, sent me in to my feminist speech about the inequitable distribution of power in our world, he left the room, and the discussion of Taycob’s pec’s continued-

  35. Hats off to Tiffanized for her amazing NM outfit! I hope we are getting some Twitpics on Nov. 20.

    This post and all of the comments were absolutely hilarious. I love all the unicorn and pseudo-unicorn stories. Hopefully I will have one for you soon since one of my friends got her brother, a US Marine, to READ Twilight. Meanwhile, I am dragging my main gay (who once dated a zygote) to see New Moon and I have a feeling he is going to be escorted from the theater by Chris Hansen after seeing Tayter in all his shirtless glory.

    • “(who once dated a zygote)”

      HAHAHAHA!

  36. UC YOU JUST MADE ME DIE.

    i am died.

  37. Oh that poor man, who may or may not be your uncle! I just about died laughing when I read this part
    “…perhaps I should have used more hairgel. That must have been the problem.”

    My hubs doesn’t talk about Twi, he doesn’t even acknowledge that I like Twi …which says a lot considering twi consumes a good portion of my life. hmmm

  38. “Ghostward”… love it!
    My husband is aware and accepts my obsession, I mean strong fondness, of Twilight but doesn’t quite get it. I thought he did until he walked in on me on Saturday about to watch Twilight again and asked, “How many times are you going to watch that?!” I was peeved.
    He did however buy me the NM soundtrack on Friday and searched for the People NM special edittion (unsuccessfully)… (I was medically bedridden so couldn’t go find it myself!)
    He does want to go see NM with me after seeing the trailers. I’m glad he does but I think my girlfriends might be disappointed to have him crash our girl night… he might inhibit their oggling of shirtless Rob. What to do, what to do?!

    • i think they try to understand but it will never happen. My husband did oppose to have the Edward poster in the bedroom :O) but other than that we are on for the NM premiere. He knows about the screaming girls and all since he went w me last year as well! It weird how i am -obsessed – w it too! my sister and i both!

  39. I love all of the comments about the kids. Kids always have a way of blowing your cover, don’t they?! Ha!
    Anyways, UC – I think that letter could also be from my husband. Who steals my lotion (he once used my anti-celulite cream on his FACE), is now reading the books for rewards and actually took me out to dinner twice now to discuss the books. Here’s his take:
    He thinks Bella is annoying and whiny. “Get OVER it, already!”
    He doesn’t want to hear ONE MORE TIME how perfect, beautiful, or sparkly Edward is. Or he’ll throw the book. (he swears)
    He likes Jacob as a character, and thinks the Volturi were wicked creepy.
    And now that he’s into Eclipse, he’s not so sure how he feels about Bella wanting to become a vampire.
    (Methinks he’s pulling a Charlie and is against teen marriage and vampirism.)

    Love to you and Moon as always.
    xoxo

    • vampirism…like it’s a political movement.

  40. UC, does A pale Sparkly Team Jacob Member answered? :)

    and as to your question “So is it just my guy who has stopped talking about Twilight!?” – mine stopped too, but I think it may be related to the fact that I stopped, cause I get release elswhere (as it was pointed in one of the prevous posts: twitter, blogs, FF, etc.) :)

  41. When my hub finally watched it with me. His only comment was “these are the worst special effects I have ever seen in my life”. He compared Edward and Spider Monkey running up the mountain to the mountain climber game on the Price as Right.

    • Just don’t fall off the cliff….

  42. I don’t understand Tiffanized entry…I thought you had to use a tshirt from CafePress in your outfit?

    • Okay, okay, geez! I wasn’t saying I didn’t LOVE her outfit because I totes do! I just thought we had to do a cafe press tshirt, like that was the point of the contest…to give cafe press some free advertisement.

      • I love how the first one gets a thumbs down and then the second gets a thumbs up.

        It is seriously cracking me up!

        • ‘cuz someone thought I was dissin’ on Tiffanized, but I wasn’t. I was just confused.

          • haha.. tiffanized rejected it. she wrote “i can’t win. i dind’t follow the instructions” and i said “i was confused by our instructions. you win”

            yes.. it would be great if you used a cafe press t-shirt but we’re so loose with rules. some ppl submitted full wolf costumes- those counted too!

            she WINS a cafe press t-shirt!

          • Well, if I’d known that I would’ve just submitted the wolf headress only!

    • I hated on me first. I thought I was just fooling around, not actually entering. Then I halfheartedly added a maternity “Bella Swan: Papercut Princess” cafepress shirt, but it was apparently extraneous.

  43. My hubs trys to be understanding with my acute fondness of all things Twilight and Rob, but he just doesn’t understand. I had “Let me Sign’ playing one evening and the hubs says,
    “What the hell are you listening to?”
    I say, “It’s Rob”.
    Hubs says “Edward sings!?!”
    “No, Rob sings”
    “What is he saying?”
    “I, um, am not sure”
    “So this is why you are all hot for Edward and are reading his letters all the time!”
    “Yes, and if you wrote me a song I might be hot for you too! :)”

    I am a sucker for the musicians. I just happened to marry an Engineer, oh well, maybe he can write me a computer program. That would be hot right? :)

    Congrats Tiffianzied!
    Love the assless chaps! I am from Wyoming, so we wear alot of those!! See Brokeback Mountain!

    • I’m in Wyoming too!! Thank God we don’t see many of those during Frontier Days :)

  44. everyone on here, cracks me up. all of you just make my day!

    my husband is VERY well aware of my twilight obsession, he knows i have read the books 5 times each, and he just quitely sighs, and rolls his eyes, and continue on with what he is doing. he has seen the twilight once, despite my huge efforts to watch it with my everytime i watch it, but said the movie was okay. and he even wanted to go the midnight premiere with me. he thinks the trailers for NM are awesome. he just has no interest in reading the books.

    when i ordered my team edward shirt, i thought about ordering him one that said H.A.T.E (husbands against team edward), but i figured i was pushing it!

    • if i had a husband i’d definitely buy him a H.A.T.E. t-shirt

  45. My SO thinks my obsession is cute. I think it’s because I don’t have a real crush on any of the guys (um, he hasn’t figured out about Billy Burke yet). He saw Twilight movie and is coming to NM with me, but he says that he has no interest in the books. That’s fine. He’s obsessed with Lost and has all the companion books, so he really can’t say anything.

    I think he’s grateful to LTT too for keeping me from becoming completely depressed.

    And congrats to Tiffanized!!!!

  46. ;)

    • I miss our late night Twitter conversations! Why did you leave???

    • yeah! there you are! please come back and converse!

      can’t you tell you are missed?

      *tap-tap-tap the monitor* “he-hello? a-a-are you ou-out therrrrrrrrre?”

      • <3

    • MidSin – Miss u so much!

      • ;_(

        • MS – Don’t be sad! <3 u!

  47. Tiffanized, I meant to say this before, but I totes love the Florence Henderson wig!

  48. OH OH! I just went to IMDB and they have the segment from the Scream awards where Paul turns into the wolf!!!! Here’s the link: http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi146081049/

    • OMG!!! OMG!!!

      Please tell me it’s Nov 20th… someone… anyone…

      However, I’m already upset about how far off they are from the book! Oh, well!!

      Did you see those jorts!! To die for!!

  49. And you know there are guys out there that have said, after seeing the clips of Edward shirtless (or finding your homemade, shirtless Edward bookmark in your Bible), “That’s it!?

    Seriously, UC have you been looking in MY bible??

    I just posted that piece of brill on my facebook
    and my preacher was like OMG and I just thought great moment for the preacher to start using facebook..LOL

    oh and congrats tiffanized!!!
    amazing as always!

    • “or finding your homemade, shirtless Edward bookmark in your Bible”

      That is amazing. You win!

  50. Confession time: I DO have an edward bookmark in my bible, cuz when they preach about heaven it’s easier to picture it with a good robQ pic.

    That’s normal

    • hahahahahah
      That IS Normal

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