How to Tweet, our letter to @Twilight

Tweetin' n movie makin'

Tweetin' n movie makin'

Dear @Twilight (the official Twilight Twitter account),

We gotta hand it to you, when you first launched the account yesterday you were off to a blazingly good start. I mean you did all the stuff you should: you had Chris Weitz submit the first tweet, kinda like breaking a bottle of champagne on the bow of a yacht… only this was more like breaking a bottle of Bud Light on a Ford Festiva, but I digress. Then he shilled out some tidbits like official run time and a news bit about the 1st scene being shown on ET next week. All stuff we didn’t know and loved to hear… But to be honest it reads A LOT like a corporate Twitter (HIT IT) and that’s just no good for us fans. While I understand the necessity of it being so-called “professional” may I suggest adding a little PIZAZZ to your tweets, you know just add a little life to what you’re saying… LTT style? We’ll even be so helpful as to rewrite your initial ones and instruct you on the various types of Tweets so you can just sub them out…

So to begin, (I need my laser pointer and Twilight “businessdocuments folder) there are 6 types of Tweets:

Types of tweets

  1. Informational
  2. Twitpic
  3. Exclusive
  4. Oh crap we’re in deep shiz
  5. Retweet
  6. Reply

The Informational tweet- involves relaying some type of message or link to information your followers might be interested in. These can be the most bland and probably need a little creative license to spice up… take for example:

Original:
From Chris Weitz – At sound mixing stage… introducing the werewolves. Trying to get the perfect bass rumble.4:06 PM Oct 12th from web

LTT-ed:
CDublious in da house @ sound stage introducing the werewolves. Trying to get the perfect bass rumble . Not that u will notice it next 2 their bare chests 4:06 PM Oct 12th from web

another example…

Original:
Kristen’s on the cover of Allure – http://tinyurl.com/yh6vkbz What do you think of her pics?about 5 hours ago from web

LTT-ed:
Our lead actress pontificates about stuff in a mag & makes us reconsider this casting 4 the umpteenth time. Check it http://tinyurl.com/yh6vkbz

Follow the cut to read our tips for @Twilight

The jokes write themselves people. CW makes it TOO easy for us!

The jokes write themselves people. CW makes it TOO easy for us!

The TwitPic Tweet – involves tweeting the link to an image. Since we can only assume you’ll never twitpic anything juicy like say a secret makeout sesh between Justin Chon and Mike Welch at the premiere afterparty or a picture of the room number of Robsten’s room in Vancouver I’m gonna say you need to rely on adding the funny to the text that accompanies your pics. For example take this seemingly normal pic of our fave DILF, director Chris Weitz give him free reign and see what he comes up with:

Original:
http://twitpic.com/lafux – From Chris Weitz – The sound mixing stage!4:16 PM Oct 12th from TwitPic

LTT-ed:
http://twitpic.com/lafux
C Dub here: i totes got her blinking yall, cause I GET YOU! The stuttering/blinking. Trust me, it wasn’t that hard 4:16 PM Oct 12th from TwitPic

The Exclusive Tweet – This involves information/pictures/gossip that NO ONE else has aka the stuff you should be doling out on the daily. This would also be a good time to work in some sort of endorsements or sponsorships to make some extra moola.

"Untitled Sports Movie" I mean exclusive TWILIGHT pic

"Untitled Sports Movie" I mean exclusive TWILIGHT pic

Original:
http://twitpic.com/lbc1p – A Twitter exclusive!about 22 hours ago from TwitPic

LTT-ed:
http://twitpic.com/lbc1p Exclusive! Edward stands next to a Ford Taurus looking totes photoshopped w/a qtip head oh and those other 2 actors r in it about 22 hours ago from TwitPic

And viola: Ford Taurus, Qtip and Adobe Photoshop sales skyrocket. See what I did there?! Trust us Summit, we know what we’re doing!

The Oh crap, we’re in deep shiz Tweet: This is reserved for those times where the shiz has most definitely hit the fan. Either Cathy was caught with a very young castmember at a TGIFridays Happy Hour or something like Robsten love texts have been leaked. We usually try to turn this kind of tweet around and make it (surprise) funny or at least acknowledge the ef up with some sarcasm.

Original:
Due to overwhelming demand, THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON soundtrack is being released this Friday!about 6 hours ago from web

LTT-ed:
Some assclown pirates leaked the soundtrack early (no surprise there) so we’ll be releasing it this Friday in an attempt to try and save the sales #s

Edward doesn't like downloaders!

Edward doesn't like downloaders!

Follow up tweet:
FYI Edward will never love u if u download the soundtrack 4 free. FYI! Choose wisely. He can read minds. Don’t even THINK about it!

Retweet Tweet: Someone tweeted something interesting to you and you want to share their genius with the rest of your followers. Ok, so you haven’t quite figured out how to pick out the “genius” from the mundane but we’ll let it slide on your 2nd day of tweeting. We would have reworked the RT with a little zinger comment at the beginning. Witness:

Original:
RT @Saawariya119 @Twilight She looks awesome on the Allure pics. Her eyes are fabulous.. she´s so versatile.

LTT-ed:
By versatile u mean bitchy? RT @Saawariya119 @Twilight She looks awesome on the Allure pics. Her eyes are fabulous.. she´s so versatile.

OR

we can’t think of a PC answer so we’ll just RT this RT @Saawariya119 @Twilight She looks awesome in Allure pics. Her eyes are fabulous shes so versatile

Remember this Summit? Bet that was good times at your office that day!

Remember this Summit? Bet that was good times at your office that day!

Reply Tweet- this one is a reply disguised as a RT. So when folks like RobstenLatino ask you questions you can reply to them with a saucy response using all your wit and charm. Ok, ok we’ll teach you wit and charm in another letter. Chiggity check this:

Original:
Yup! Pretty psyched. RT @RobstenLatino @Twilight new moon is number one trending topic! did you see that? :)
about 5 hours ago from web

LTT-ed:
Wait, theres a RobstenLATINO? Shouldn’t that be Robertosten? RT @RobstenLatino @Twilight new moon is number one trending topic! did you see that? :)
about 5 hours ago from web

So that’s your crash course @Twilight! See with our simple ideas how easy and FUN it really can be? We’ll be keeping close tabs on you the next few weeks to see if you put any or our tactics into practice! Happy Tweeting!

A Tweet a day keeps the fangirls away!
Themoonisdown

PS We’ll talk about who you’re following on another day!

So any tips for @Twilight? What do you think of their tweets so far?

Are you following @Twilight on twitter? DO IT! Also if you’re not you really should be following LTT/LTR!
What are the 5 signs a woman in your life is addicted to Rob/Twilight? Check it at LTR
Share your twitter tips in the forum!

About these ads

112 Responses

  1. ROFL!
    So true.
    They do need to spice it up a bit more.

  2. This Robward head is too big.
    This Robward head is too small.
    WHERE IS THE ROBWARD HEAD THAT IS JUST RIGHT??

    Seriously – how hard is it to get a head in proportion?

    • LMAO! So true! Where, oh, where?

    • Duh. It’s behind the fly. JUST. RIGHT.

      • winner winner. the answer is always behind the buttons.

    • apparently incredibly hard for them. i mean the mans noggin doesnt change size… and if it does we have bigger problems

  3. Bahaha! Please quite your jobs & force Summit to hire you to do their official twittering!

    • i wish!! i don’t know if theyd let us have pizazz though!

  4. LTT tweets are tweetastic….@Twilight could certainly use your expertise in the making a tweet memorable.

  5. “Our lead actress pontificates about stuff in a mag & makes us reconsider this casting 4 the umpteenth time. ”

    Thank you for for this.

    The end.

    Oh. & shameless self whoring for the day.

    Follow me on twitter! @angel51_r

    Sorry. ;)

    • dude whore yourself out. you make friends on here, might as well make sure they know where to find you on twitter!
      WHORE!

      i love that word

      • whore. and yes that allure magazine spread threw me over the edge. UGH.

        give me a thumbs down tammyo i dare you!!!!

      • Thank you for calling me a whore. It made my day! ;)

        • crackwhore!

      • Can I play, too??

        WHORE!

        Thanks!

  6. Caption for “untitled sports movie” pic:
    Kstew: “My wig is worse.”
    Tay: “My wig is waay worse.”
    Rob: “Doesn’t matter – no one is looking at either one of you, anyway.”

    • Bahahaha – that is SO TRUE.

      • Hahahaha, yes! Definitely true. We all have Rob-dar.

    • Wait, there were other people in that photo?

    • exactly, who cares about you guys again??

  7. Wow. I am early to work so early in the comments! :-)

    First, “And viola:…” <—- aaaand VI-OLA! ;-)

    Second, really hope they take your advice. The tweets haven't been bad (some would beg to differ), but at least we're getting something. I have to say, I was a bit giddy when I saw they were tweeting. Hoping it was the C-man mostly, but, of course not. I agree though, SPICE IT UP!

    Third, they have no idea what they're in for. Or they do with everyone tweet attacking them on the daily. You know they are.

    Last, who are they following? Haven't checked their Twit page yet. You know it's not Rachelle. Please tell me Ryan Seacrest isn't on there. :-/

    • Oh, and another thing. I think it’s pretty funny, and awesome of me, that I can tell who writes the posts now WITHOUT looking at who wrote the post until after I read the post. Did ya get that? ;-)
      <3 you, Moonie-Pie *mwah*

      • you know our ‘voices!’

    • hahaha are we that obvious now?

  8. “FYI Edward will never love u if u download the soundtrack 4 free. FYI! Choose wisely. He can read minds. Don’t even THINK about it!”

    This made my day.

    Well, that and Robertosten. Because if Roberto is anything like Conando, I approve.

    • Conando, FTW!

      That would require KStew have a sense of humor though. Oooh, zing!

      • you beat me to it!! CONANDO!!!!! i saw him do this live at the taping i went to!! so HA! hhaha jk he is awesome sauce

        • I am oh so very jealous!! My dream in life is to play Conando’s damsel in distress.

        • JEALOUS!

          The taping I went to (when he was in NYC) was the one where that little clapping/song “Imma gonna go to hell when I die” originated. He doesn’t do it anymore, but he kept it up for a few weeks.

          Oh Conan. I love that we share this nerdy crush.

          • I remember that! I’m totally jealous of you, too!!

  9. I guess I better get a Twitter account, huh? But if it’s as boring as you say, I’ll just catch the colorful replay on LTT.

    Thanks for the laughs this AM. I love the ‘Price Is Right’ FAIL button. It made my crippled, old heart flutter.

    • i played it like 25 times yesterday! gets me every time

  10. Like the fangirls need another thing to go nuts over? That sounds mean but I don’t mean it to, I promise. I have a feeling this twitter account is going to be super lame. Mainly because they won’t follow your advice.

    Oh, and yet another example of how Twilight is taking over the world… I was watching the Patriots, Broncos game on Sunday and evidently the Broncos’ stadium has a fail button. They kept hitting it whenever my Pats didn’t do something well and it had me cracking up because all I could think was HIT IT! And then I started thinking about Twilight (okay Rob!) and got distracted. Until they hit the button again. Dad was not pleased. I never told him why I was giggling.

    oink

    • HIT IT!

      yea i think it will stay pretty neutral it is an official twitter after all. i just hope they keep bringing the cool stuff, pics/CW tweeting, etc

      good on them for actually getting it going!

      • Indeed. I just hope it doesn’t take away from David Slade’s enthralling tweets.

  11. “Exclusive! Edward stands next to a Ford Taurus looking totes photoshopped w/a qtip head oh and those other 2 actors r in it about 22 hours ago from
    And viola: Ford Taurus, Qtip and Adobe Photoshop sales skyrocket. See what I did there?! Trust us Summit, we know what we’re doing!”

    “Some assclown pirates leaked the soundtrack early (no surprise there) so we’ll be releasing it this Friday in an attempt to try and save the sales #s”

    “Edward doesn’t like downloaders!
    FYI Edward will never love u if u download the soundtrack 4 free. FYI! Choose wisely. He can read minds. Don’t even THINK about it!”

    ——My faves! I think to spice it up they should make all cast members take turns weekly tweeting and trade off. Then again, that would break twitter!

    “Robsten love texts have been leaked”
    ——-Yes, Please!

    • yes!! thats a great idea they need to trade off duties on tweeting from cast members!! are you listening @twilight?

  12. “Robertosten” and “Edward will never love u if u download the soundtrack 4 free” made my morning. No lie.

    There is one more tweet that you neglected to mention, though… drunktweet. Get a few beers in CDubs and let him loose on the twitter, please? He can see Billy Burke for some examples.

    Sooo… when can we expect a similar letter to Alex Meraz? The official Twilight twitter could win awards for comedy and originality compared to his. Let’s just say he’s lucky he’s pretty.

    • The drunk tweet!!! Of course!!

    • YES… #7 t ype of tweet. Drunk Tweet!

      CW drinks himself into oblivion when Cathy corners him at a local Applebees to give him “tips” for opening night.

      TWEET IT CHRIS!

      • mucho mudslides are truth serum! i hope it happens!!

  13. As a novice at the tweet, I really appreciate these guidelines. You really do educate the world. Thank you, oh thank you for all that you do.

    Edward won’t love you if you download soundtrack, heheh. It’s true.

    • agreed. my tweeting abilities are just lame. Is there a way to have them email you when someone does a @goteamseth RT or RT or DM?

      • TS, Brooke Lockhart tipped me off to Tweetdeck. Download it, and it totally organizes that stuff for you. Imma going to try and follow you now….

        • Success. And now Imma followin’ you too! Fo shiz.

          Anyway, I’ll tweet deck tomorrow, tonight I’m still in the dugout.

  14. Roberto!!!!!

    Why that is so funny, I seriously don’t know but I can’t stop giggling.

  15. Moon, you should totally run night courses on this topic …you got mad skilz girl!!

  16. “FYI Edward will never love u if u download the soundtrack 4 free. FYI! Choose wisely. He can read minds. Don’t even THINK about it!”

    …and this is exactly why I refused to do it! The horror!

    • HE KNOWS!!!!!!!

      • Oh puh-leeze! Girl, I got my shield up. Just ask Eleazar.

  17. FTW!!

    you make my morning everyday

    p.s. your tweets need to be their tweets

    • when pigs fly!!

      glad we made your morning!

  18. This level of entertainment should not be free. Seriously, I’ve paid to see comedies where I did laugh half as much as i did this morning.

    Love, love the Chris Dub making Kstew blink & stutter! Priceless!

    Ladies, take a bow…

    • if you wanna pay… we won’t object… :)

    • up next at the laugh shack…. MOON AND UC!!! hit it girls!

      • ::Plays a bad entrance ditty on the keyboard::

  19. This cracked my shit up. Please tackle the lame tweets from the wolfpack and Ashley Green next.

    I miss seeing more Billy Burke drunktweet.

    Today Pfach tweeted a Pic of Carlisle in the “Voluri Guard.” Hoping the story wasn’t changed around that Carlisle was in the guard. That would be against everything that he stands for, doing no harm.

    • Yeahhh!! I miss Billy’s #drunktweets as well.

    • poor ashley! i dont know how to spice up dogfood and sporting events… but i can try!!

    • I just miss Billy Burke.

  20. I love this post! Thank you for my “Cullen Smile” which I don’t really know what that is, but it appears to be a good thing.

    PS “I meant what I said in that text….”

    • haha… i still don’t know what that means, but I can imagine.
      CULLEN SMILE!??
      you don’t remember the 36 yr old from Florida who thanked all the cullens for bringing a Cullen Smile?

      She speled wel

      • Oh, ya, that day was a classic. Will live on in Twi-lore forever!

    • i KNOW you meant that you said and i WOULD like to become better acquainted!
      :)

      • bwahahahaha you went there and I liked it.

  21. Can we just have PFach and Super Abs Alex take over the Summit tweeting cause those boys have it down!

    • lots of tweets about halloween costumes, lemonade stands, friends in bikinis…

      sounds like a winner to me

  22. HILARITY.

    I’m at home sick right now and some LTT is just what I needed.

    My favorite is “She’s so versatile” The sarcasm in that quote is oozing it’s so thick. Haha.

    I just want to know who RUNS the Twilight twitter???
    I bet it’s Rob. You know he’s curious. He needs to know what Peter and Gil are tweeting about all the time…

    Is the soundtrack leaked?

    mwah.
    Ash Frag

    • oh noes!! you cant be sick! you better get better by this weekend!

      i think the twitter is probably run by a 50 yr old marketing person who “needs to get on that twitter thing”

      • You’re totes right. That’s exactly what I was thinking.

  23. *shiny object moment*

    Why is Jacob just as pale as the albino and the flippin vampire???

    Just asking.

    • huh…I just noticed. I was too busy looking at Robward. Why IS he so pale? and wtf is this scene? Did Jacob come to wish her a happy bday? Did he come to ask why her bf switched his hatchback to an even douchier mom mobile? Did he come to ask her why her bf has on brown shoes with that outfit (even a 15 year old almost wolf boy has better matching/fashion sense than that.)? wtf?

      • I totally thought this was Eclipse moment when they’re gonna have the beat down and Mike’s money is on the Indian. Then I realized Jake looks like a 5-year-old.

    • *shiny object moment* hahaha thats hilar.

      maybe theyre color treating this film a little too. who knows

  24. Moon and UC, can you please break down whatever David Slade was tweeting last night? Duh, doesnt he know we are Twi fans not MENSA members? Its given me a complex… what in hell does it mean? Is he insulting our intelligence?

    • what!? i don’t know about this.. but MAYBE… we’ll look into it!!!!!!!!!

      • What??? YOU DON’T KNOW??
        (does Rob hair flip and Edward nose hold all at once)
        You mean you don’t follow DAVIS SLADE?! Imma need a drink after this – sheesh! I though you were like the ORACLE AT DELPHI and knew everything!
        PS UC that is so fail !!!!

        • we DO follow him! but we follow a hundred thousand people so we miss things!

          • You don’t follow me. But that’s cool. I get on like once a week anyway.

    • i was on last night when it happened but the charatcers he was using don’t show up in tweetdeck. so it just looked like blank messages.

      i bet he accidently turned on a different language function and tried to play it off like he was being cool.

    • I thought he was just doing drawings of the whitecaps in Vancouver. ;) But now I’m taking the Mensa workout quiz. It’s splendid fun!

      • 25/30! Yay! They said that I have a good chance of passing the official mensa test.

  25. Great tutorial! I can’t believe they are not following LTT/LTR – how will they get a Cullen Smile everyday if they don’t partake?

  26. Moon “Either Cathy was caught with a very young castmember at a TGIFridays Happy Hour or…”

    AMAZING

    And RobertOsten!? hahah te amo

    • UC did you and Moon read that comment from Rob that he calls himself MR HANDJOB when he registers at hotels? ROFLMAO its on the robsessed blog – He he he I adore him.

      • so freakin hysterical!

      • That’s Mr. Clive Handjob to you.

        • It was in France so it’s Monsieur Handjob! Oh Rob :)

    • me gusta senior clive handjob

  27. I just want drunk tweets from the premiere. And tweet pics. Of Rob’s chest hair.

    Is all I’m asking for. @twilight could SURELY give us this, don’t you think>

    • im hoping they turn the reigns over to an intern on premiere night and they get trashed and start tweetying the stuff we REALLY want to see! unzipped flies, how many drinks the cast had, whos hooking up in the bathroom, etc

      • Yes please! *jumping up & down while looking really stupid*

        Drunk tweets are the best!!

  28. i love this…more like breaking a bud light on a ford festiva. Or like you know, a 1986 volkswagen rabbit.

    I love your tweets btw, they’re like mini LTT updates dispersed throughout the day. @twilight should follow you, they’d learn so much.

    • My very first car was a 1986 Rabbit (Hatchback) my second car was a Ford Festiva.

      • You’re so lying sassy.

  29. “LTT-ed:
    Our lead actress pontificates about stuff in a mag & makes us reconsider this casting 4 the umpteenth time.”

    LTT-ed:
    By versatile u mean bitchy? RT @Saawariya119 @Twilight She looks awesome on the Allure pics. Her eyes are fabulous.. she´s so versatile.”

    LMFAO!!!!! oh dear god, someone get me an oxygen mask!

    • poor kstew! im mean to her sometimes

      • and i get a thumbs up for this!

        you guys rule!

  30. Your tweets are epic. I hope @twilight will take your sage advice and step it up some.

    and the “breaking a bud light on a ford fiesta” had me snarfing coffee.

    • or throwing a PBR can at an RV

  31. Oh wow I don’t even know where to begin! I don’t Twitter but if Rob goes on Twitter I might!

  32. get your books summit because you just got schooled. thats exactly what I thought when I saw the twet about the early release of the soundtrack. its sort of lame that EVERYTHING twi related gets leaked. I did just listen to the soundtrack on their myspace page, and I am beyond impressed. I don’t even want to think about what David Slade/Spade is gong to do to the Eclipse soundtrack…Im such a pessimist when it comes to him… hope he proves me wrong, but dwarfs rarely do.

    • you just got SCHOOLED!! hahaha

    • I so much love David Slade. I want to meet him so badly. He’s one of those people who I’d never heard of, but has quickly become my hero. And he’s only 40! So within range [for being friends]. I wonder if he enjoys watching soccer…I can get him tickets to Timbers vs. Whitecaps games and we can hang out discussing poor calls and comparing Vancouver and Portland and he can reminisce about those pre-pro days (ps-why does he still say he’s in Vancouver doing pre-pro when pro must be about to wrap? I mean, Gil is all done shooting and off in England or New Brunswick or something) of Eclipse and I can get the exclusive affirmation of the leg hitch (which I will immediately tweet to LTT, or just record him saying it and send it as a video text). Sigh…

      Oh, and the soundtrack is leaked. Hell yeah! I don’t give a shit if Edward doesn’t love me.

  33. I am still laughing… Seriously, you should charge for this therapy you provide to us every day. Your shizz is priceless!!!

    You don’t want to know what I would do to have Rob drunk tweet. Holy hell….

    Speaking of drunk tweeting, can you imagine what it will be like on Thursday night with the midnight NM showing? Twitter may blow up and never recover.

    • I think I’d be okay with that.

  34. Ultimate Fav Graphic = The Day Rachelle was fired Trending Topics!!!!!!! lmao. You know someone got smacked at Summit Ent’s office that day. :-)

    • more liked FIRED

  35. Moon, your bud light comment made me smile, but I think you should’ve used Vitamin R, no?

    • does it come in a bottle?

  36. “we’ll talk about who you are following another day”!

    WIN! you win.

  37. [...] You might wanna read my How To Twitter guide I wrote for @twilight… might help you out in the future PPS Are you following me as I late night Tweet? West Coast [...]

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