Should Breaking Dawn be turned into a movie?

bdawnDear Summit,

It’s us again. Writing you for the second time this week. Don’t run away in fear- this time we’re not here to criticize. The big news this weekend is that the new website you launched- The World of Twilight- has a ‘coming soon’ link for Breaking Dawn. This is BIG. We’ve heard many of the actors say they’re signed on for the 4th installment of the series, but so far you’ve been mum on whether or not you’re going ahead with the highly anticipated and highly controversial movie.

I’m gonna be honest- there are a few huge issues with turning that book into a movie, and I’m not convinced that it’s going to translate very well onto film. I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with a way you could market the film considering some of the problems I’ve foreseen. I came up with a few teasers you could use- see if you think any of them would work:

  • S-I-C-K-N-A-S-T

    S-I-C-K-N-A-S-T

    Breaking Dawn- the story of how a half-vampire baby bites its way out of its mother’s womb while its vampire father kills the mother by biting all over her bloody body.

  • Breaking Dawn- watch the magic of the movie makers as they create a believable baby using CGI who can communicate through touch. We promise it’ll be the most believable and the least cheesy CGI baby you’ve ever seen.
  • Breaking Dawn- A movie that will surly have Robsten lovers orgasming in their theater seats as they finally get to see Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart, a couple they desperately want to be their real-life Bella & Edward, do it. A lot.
  • Breaking Dawn- Watch as a teenage boy falls for a little girl. No! Not like that! We promise, even Chris Hansen would like this movie!

Obviously you can see the problems I’m talking about. Breaking Dawn is a love story marketed to teenage girls, not a horror flick with scenes bloodier than Saw 1-8 combined (there are 8 of them now, right?)  Renesmee is a very special baby and while I believe Stephenie beautifully portrays her abilities on page, there is no way in hale that that will translate into a movie without being incredibly cheesy and/or very fake.

isleesmeWhat I foresee with Robsten finally getting it on on screen could be disastrous.  Picture my first viewing of Twilight the movie. I was sitting next to this little chubby 10 year old wearing a Team Jacob shirt. I said, “Why are you Team Jacob?” And she answered, “Cuz he’s the best.” And then I bitch-slapped that lil chubster. But then I felt really bad cuz she confessed that Hot Topic only had smalls left in the Team Edward shirts. This was in November of 2008- the passion for the franchise was there, but nothing like it is now. And Breaking Dawn won’t be released until, what? Maybe February 2011? There will be absolute chaos in movie theatres across the country when Non-Robsteners yell out “Her boobs are small” when Bella first takes off her clothes in the moonlight or “That should’ve been Ashley Greene!” as Edward starts to break the headboard in the bedroom. Robsteners will go crazy. Breaking headboards and ripping pillows will be nothing compared to what the movie theatres will look like after the fight is over.

And when Jacob imprints on Renesmee? It doesn’t matter that it’s not sexual and is just a “big brother” kind of thing- every one knows that Jake is a teenage boy and thinking about the day his ‘lil Nessie grows up. And Chris Hansen ain’t down with that.

But you’re movie makers. And you’re in the business to make money. And no matter how bloody, cheesy, barf-me cuz it’s Robsten, and pedofilial the movie ends up being, fans are gonna crowd the theaters, camp out for the premiere & scream for joy when Edward loses his virginity finally. So you’ll make the movie, regardless.

Here are a few suggestions I have to hopefully help Breaking Dawn not suck.

  • Fade to Black: Stephenie Meyers did it and you can too- but just choose a different scene to fade from. Kristen can clutch her fake baby bump, stutter and blink & attempt to feign pain- she faints- it goes black. We see through her eyes…then black…hear her breathing…black…see a baby being held over her head…black…and then taken away by Rosalie…And then the camera pans to Edward who is working to change Bella. But instead of a horror bloodbath scene and Edward injecting a huge needle into Bella’s heart, we see his face, diligently working on his beloved….then black….

    TWILIGHTLOVE

    "We are family. I got my half vampire baby and me"

  • Rob, Rob and more Rob: Obviously Isle Esme is the most anticipation part of Breaking Dawn the movie. If you thought fans went crazy at the sight of shirtless Edward in New Moon, just wait until they see Sexytimes Edward. Suggestion to please all crowds- lots and lots of Robert Pattinson. Sure, show Kristen’s face once just so we know Edward didn’t grab the housemaid to warm up, but then show nothing but Rob- his back, his side, his arms, his ass (would this ensure an “R” rating? Cuz I’d love to see Breaking Dawn without a 10 year old next to me) his face, his lips- Rob, Rob and more Rob…
  • The Olsen Twins: All I know is that a CGI baby won’t work. But I know the Olsen twins would. Those girls are experts on winning over the world with their baby-ways…. hire them, they’ll figure out how to train a newborn baby how to act- and if they can’t they probably have a factory in some third world country that can come up with some alternative.
  • Jake, Renesmee and Quil

    Jake, Renesmee and Quil

    No imprinting: Yes, I know… it’s powerful- Jacob imprints on the woman he love’s baby. I get it. It’s special, blah blah blah.. but it also works better on paper than it will on screen. I just can’t see Taylor Lautner looking longingly at a small child like he’s going to be her big brother but also knowing that someday they’ll get it on. It doesn’t matter how much coaching Big Daddy Lautner gives him (“Just gaze at her like I gaze at the oven while your mom has double fudge chocolate chip brownies baking- you want them now, but it’ll be worth the wait.”) so sure- hint at the fact that someday Jake & Nessie will end up together, but leave out the messy, creepy imprinting on a child crap.

It won’t be perfect, it will have to deter from the book slightly, but from the gazillions Stephenie has been making so far, I think she’ll be fine with it (To be doubly sure, just invite her to view the Isle Esme filming- one look at Robert Pattinson naked eating feathers will cure any anger she has towards you for messing with her book)

Looking forward to seeing Kristen & the child cast as Renesmee catch their first CGI deer,
UnintendedChoice

Just an FYI- I loved Breaking Dawn, didn’t have a problem with Renesmee, Jacob imprinting or a bit of Isle Esme (duh) But I want to keep the book in my mind- I don’t want to see it on the big screen. Although I have a feeling I’m not going to get my way….

Do you think it could work? Breaking Dawn on the big screen?

all images found on Google images- well, except for the Bella’s Womb one. That’s a craft I made last night. Just for fun.

Go make your own creepy craft & post to The Forum
Moonpie brings you Rob Rob and MORE Rob over on LTR

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122 Responses

  1. LMAO!
    But I do have similar concerns . . . this book is soooo lengthy and all the Jakey stuff is mostly his inner-monologue or him mind-chatting to Seth, Leah and the rest of the wolfies. Plus I’ll probably end up cringing so bad with the Isle Esme stuff . . . don’t know why.

    Egh, I’m up for it.

    Jayde xox

    P.S. UC, what the f*ck is that womb monstrosity?! It looks like a bloodied up scone or something. Blegh.

    • oh yeah I forgot to mention my confusion/ discust for your uper creepy craft. You could have spent the evening making pattinson pants or putting together a isle esme get up ( do we have a name for that crazy lady yet?). I’m thinking you are just as much as a weirdie for making bellas womb. But because it’s for the sake of comedy I will let it slide.

      • haha… i HOPE you know me better by now that i was 100% kidding about that being MY craft…

        it’s moons:)

        no no no.. it’s a crazy persons. promise

        • oh dear lord thank god! Your sarcasm was so thick that you convinced me you really did make it. Ipictured you hovering over your kitchen laughing at how sick it was. Good to know you arent “one of them” after all

        • HAHAHAHAH it’s SO (not) MINE!! hahaha i sit around felting a lot.

          • whats the name of that girl next to taylor h-o-t-n-er?
            uughhhh shes everyware i turn!!!!!
            if they put her in the movie as renesmee im am going to frreeekkk!!!!! i dont like her at ALL!!!!!!!
            she doesnt even look like rensmee! (the way they described her)!!!!! and why in the world is that german sheppered supposed to be Quil?????????????

        • Oh thank f*ck you didn’t make it! lol.
          It’s horrendous.
          No offence, weird person who actually made it.
          Don’t hate me :)

      • so i agree that there will be some difficult scenes to transform from book to movie. BUT im sure they’ll figure out a way to make it work. they NEED to make breaking dawn into a movie it will be incomplete if there are 3 of the 4 books turned movies. if summit was smart they would make the movie into two parts and have it come out as soon after the first as they could, WHY? 2 reasons- (1) Summit will make a crazy amount of money & (2) people like me who lLOVE the book and movie series will be extremely thankful and happy! PLUS Breaking dawn is the best of the 4 books i would rather they made breaking dawn and not the other 3! everything good happens in the 4th book.

        • forgot to add one thing i also think about the rating is there no such thing as AA anymore? either way they should either make 2 movies one PG13 and one rated R (i know its alot of work for them but still they’d make so much money i would watch both although id prefer the rated R ) or make it just Rated R and Kids can watch it when it comes out on DVD! if its not rated R it will be to far from the book and it will ruin it. although i like your suggestion up there about seeing it from bellas eyes… thats a good idea

    • you don’t like my craft?

      some creeper twilight fan made that a few months ago.

      nasty

      • I’m glad you distinct between regular twilight fans and the “creeper twilight fans”

    • That womb..looks like a deformed pomogranet, or an undercook fudge brownie with a suprise in in the middle. either way… its.. ew.

    • OMG

      Where to begin! Unintendedchoice, you have a real talent. I laughed for about 10 mins. non-stop until my stomach started hurting. I agree with all of your points particularly the Jacob/Nessie stuff… for me it was even cringeworthy in the book. Eeek. Perhaps they can divide breaking dawn into two movies that can be released 3 months apart (like Matrix).

      Love, Love, Love the pic of Jacob, Nessie and Quil (though to me he looks more like Seth)

      The part about the 10 yr. old was wickedly mean…. and funny which makes me vicariously mean for enjoying it. lol

      Best line: To be doubly sure, just invite [Myers] to view the Isle Esme filming- one look at Robert Pattinson naked eating feathers will cure any anger she has towards you for messing with her book

  2. this one of my all time favorite posts. Sexytimes Edward is the only reason why I will go see this sure to be train wreck of film. I will be shocked if I like this movie since I represent the twilight fans who hated Breaking Dawn. Sorry people but I thought it was awful for the most part. no way it will be rated R. Stephenie prides herself on being a good Morman and that means no R rated movies. Which is a shame since we all want to see some Eddie ass. I vote that they hire a different screen writer for this one I bet mel rosenburg is praying for summit to screw her over so she doesn’t have to figure out how to translate that monster of a disjointed book. You forgot to mention the large portions of the book where the wolves are talking to each other in their minds. I suppose subtitles are to be expected haha. Rob and kristen were totally super sarcastic about the movie at comic con. I loves them.

    • Right?! Sexytimes Edward!

      I want to forget about how confusing it was to read italics for pages at a time. The Jacob’s Book Two needs to be cut entirely!

      • That was the best part. Myers ability to go in and out of different character’s heads through Jacob’s mind was a tour de force. I hope books five and six are from his perspective about nessie (all grown up, of course) and the new hot latin dude from the Amazon.

        Jacob’s sarcasm is the best!

      • Are you stupid SFT ? Jacob is a GREAT character and with him in the story makes the books more interesting. Stop being such a hater !

    • SO TRUE.. “melmel’ doesn’t’ want this job!

    • After loving the other books and reading them in a matter of days I wanted to cry when I finished the mess that is BD. That editor should’ve been fired.

      • True story!

  3. Bella’s Womb ? I thought it was a bad baked bagel with jelly.

    I don’t know about BD. I hate that book. I read the book only once and scipped the whole battle thing.
    I just don’t know……….

  4. UC, I agree with everything you said about Breaking Dawn. But, what did you make last night? *shudders*

  5. omg, I spit water on my computer when I read “Jake, Renesmee and Quil” under that last pic. GOLDEN!

    • me too, ‘cept it was coffee. ok, didn’t really spit. but laughed really hard. i’m a newbie, both to “twilight” and LTT … so incredibly glad i found this site. i only saw the movie for the first time in june, and read all the books since then. it’s super-refreshing to find some fans who aren’t afraid to roll their eyes at how “breaking dawn” is sorta clunky and kristen is painfully awkward. love it … thanks!

      • you truly ARE a virgin!!!! welcome to our world!
        XO

        • Melanie, we could be the same person. I’m brand new (3 months) to this, and beyond happy to have found LTT and LTR (quite relieved to find out I’m not the only person over the legal drinking age who can’t stop thinking about T…and R). I’ve already laughed myself silly a thousand times! LOL…I already have my letter to Rob drafted in my head!

          • come on, UC, we’re not virgins anymore! right sarah? i’m 30, not to mention married, and i’m glad you said “T” before “R,” because i’m right there with you.

          • Melanie, for some reason, there’s no reply under your comment. 25 this month and married as well…but I must admit….I am much more an R than a T. And as for the actual topic of this post. I am still working on BD…basking in some post Isle Esme glow/frustration. But let’s be honest, I’m only seeing these movies for Robward…hmm…let them make the movie pg-13…but on the unrated DVD…include the never before seen honeymoon home videos. Now THAT’S something I would pay to see!

          • Seems we are a world of newborns with the ability to take some of this stuff tongue in cheek. I too discovered the whole thing in June. Saw the movie before I read the books.

            I think they should make Midnight Sun and right all the wrongs that were done to Twilight. Just saying….

    • LMAO! I did too! And I freaking cackled, like an old circus fat lady laughing. I am sooo glad I was alone when it happened. But totally worth it….that pic caption was brill!

    • Hahahaha me too! That was the first thing I saw from the post (I always do this diagonal reading stuff first). I was already roflol awkwardly while I still needed to start reading…and then it came again hahaha. I’m totally that person who can just keeps on laughing with stuff, even after like 10 viewings…

  6. UC you seriously made that monstrosity?!? What you won’t do for a blog post… that’s why we keep coming back.

    As far as movie BD, I’m all for it. i definitely think it will be a challenge but to me they can’t not make it into a movie. Ending the movie series at Eclipse would be all sorts of wrong.

    I love the idea of transferring the fade to black scenes over to the birth scenes. And I’d be happy if they cut out the wolves speaking amongst themselves all together.

    I’m think that BD is a done deal and I guess all we can do now is wait and see what it looks like

  7. UC, I like your fade to black idea but I’m with you on No Breaking Dawn movie. I don’t want to see it on the big screen either. I also agree with Jayde – so much of Breaking Dawn is inner monologue and wolfy mind chatting. I would cringe at a movie with CGI wolves sitting around on screen and Jacob, et al voiceovers. I don’t know how Summit will do it but I’m sure they’ll try.

  8. Well, I really want to see the whole c-section bit, the more blood and guts and strange yellow liquids pouring out of Kristen’s womb, the better. I esp. want to see a close up of Rob sinking his teeth into her belly- the lumpy, meaty blood dribbling down his chin… Sorry, too sicknast?

    • less sicknast than the actual scene will be!

  9. I don’t know how they’ll do it, but for some sick reason, I want to see them try. It’s like I know deep down within my reasonable self, there’s no way they can make that book into a movie, but when Twilight related things come to by brain all reason goes out the window. I think I’m with everyone else and just want to see some Isle Esme Sexytime. I’m not pro or anti Robsten, so that part of it does not matter, I just want to see some naked Robward. PG 13 is very restricting, though. I wish they would just bump it up to a R rating so we could see some real goods (not gonna happen). As for waning to see the rest of the movie…Meh.

  10. i meant to say “wanting”

  11. Re: the picture of Ed and Bella in the water above-I don’t remember a chokehold being in the description of their fun times in the water. Guess Bella’s into that sort of thing.

    • hahaha. Yes that picture is totally awkward! I Also don’t remember her putting on waterproof make-up before getting it on with the sexward.

  12. “But then I felt really bad cuz she confessed that Hot Topic only had smalls left in the Team Edward shirts.” Aww that is like the cutest/saddest thing I’ve ever heard!!

    Isn’t Summit officially going to make this movie now that it’s on the website? And isn’t there talk of it possibly being a 3-parter?! In that case, I am a yes to the movie, but a triple no on the 3-parter deal–that’s mostly because I calculated how long it would take for BD to be out and done if in 3 parts, and I seriously cannot have Twilight ruling my life for that many more years into my twenties.

    Really I think they should cut out Book Two, Jacob’s story, completely. All I want to see is an attempted visualization of Isle Esme, Bella and Edward’s WEDDING!, and what that fun little cottage looks like. I’m with you on cutting out imprinting. When I told my friend about it because she refused to read BD (and NM and Eclipse), she literally AHHHH!-ed in her car at the grossness.

    I hope they don’t invite Stephenie to view filming, you know she would totally tone it down like she did the first kiss. I think it needs to be R, just because then it won’t be super cheesy.

    And time out–Edward was a virgin?? How come I don’t remember that.

    • You really must read Midnight Sun if you have not.

      Remember how in Twillight he was surprised that he was good at “driving Bella crazy” since he’d never kissed anyone before. Anyway there is a whole lot more about just how much of a virgin he in on Midnight Sun… it’s free on Steph Myers site.

      • I must have gotten confused over that part (the whole, Edward being old-fashioned and 17/Tanya thing), I’ve only read the saga end to end once and it was back in March, and right afterward I read Midnight Sun–I really hope she finishes it one day, it kills me that the draft stops before I can hear his side of the kiss! Now you’ve got me wanting to pick up Twilight/MS again and reading it more carefully!

        • I soooooo wanted to hear Edward’s perspective of the Meadow Scene and kiss!!! If Stephenie finished Midnight Sun – I may be even more excited to read that than see New Moon – it’s a close call. =)

          • I know! I’m excited to see NM, but I also have my hesitations about it, mostly because I’m not really a team jacob :( Lets hope she finishes it!!

          • I am SOOO with you about this!!!! I know she has already written this book. I seriously doubt that she would want to revisit Twilight after the whole series is on film. This is my theory: Midnight Sun comes out two months before Eclipse’s opening and sell five million copies in one week.

            Here is hoping!

            I think MN film maybe the a way to fix Hardwicke’s mistakes. Unlikely, but I can dream, right?

  13. “Jake, Renesmee and Quil”

    I can’t stop laughing! I’m crying!
    Ok, now I’ll go back and read the post, that’s the first thing I looked at and cracked up.

  14. “Breaking Dawn- A movie that will surly have Robsten lovers orgasming in their theater seats as they finally get to see Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart, a couple they desperately want to be their real-life Bella & Edward, do it. A lot.”

    So help me, if Melissa leaves out the “Surprise” chapter with the bedroom floor love in the script I will fly to her house and shave her eyebrows in her sleep and kick her ass when she wakes up! I’m liberal so I say screw what needs to be censored for teens, LOL! Ahem… :-)

  15. “All I know is that a CGI baby won’t work. But I know the Olsen twins would.”

    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. I guess I thought everyone had seen that ‘sicknast’ craft I posted above and would know that I did not really make it:)

    I love how you’re justifying the crazy notion that I DID make it by saying “on the things you do for this blog”

    No… I’d NEVER do that!

    That was some other crazy person!

    Mwah.. love the thoughts- keep ‘em coming!

    • SHUT UP!! I saw you making that shit last weekend!!

      Okay, NOOO UC would never ever ever make some kind of sicknast thing like that. That “craft” was put out this past January or some shizz. I do believe that Twicrack Addict was where I saw it and the accompanying article. Everyone, was like WTF??

  17. I have to say BD was one of my faves out of the series. I didn’t like the whole imprinting on Renesmee thing though, I thought that was a big sicknast. But I want to see all the Isle Esme moments and the birth of Renesmee and Bella as a vamp (I LOVED her as a vamp!) and Edwards breakdown during her pregnancy. I have no clue how they are going to have a baby that does everything that she did so young, the CGI better be damn good. So that part has me concerned. But this movie is going to have to be like 4 hours long and I’m okay with that! The more Robward, the better!

    Sorry for my multiple posts but I tend to read, then comment, read, then comment.

    But yeah, how are they going to do this without it being R-rated?

    • Yay! When people ask me about which books I liked, I always say Twilight and BD! BD gets a lot of hatred, there were definitely parts I didn’t like, but the good parts so made up for it!

      I’m afraid for the CGI baby, I always just think of that dancing baby in Ally McBeal.

      • Ha ha. exactly

      • BD was my fav 1st time around….

  18. Yes breaking dawn needs to become a movie! many people want to see that come alive! If hollywood can make *king kong* then they know how to make the baby!

  19. I agree with absolutely everything you said, hands down.

  20. You are fucking brilliant!! I have been thinking all this shizz for awhile too. Thanks for putting it all down.

    PS Instead of Sexytimes Edward, can I have Sexytimes Eddie, cause I love Eddie. Well, he’ll be in my movie dreams anyhow.

    • haha.. yes.. you can have sexytimes eddie….. in the van, too, if you’d like

  21. “Show nothing but Rob- his back, his side, his arms, his ass (would this ensure an “R” rating? Cuz I’d love to see Breaking Dawn without a 10 year old next to me) his face, his lips- Rob, Rob and more Rob…”

    AMEN!
    I didn’t like Breaking Dawn but there’s no way I could miss the movie if only just to stare at Rob the whole time.
    This movie will be like a car crash, you know you shouldn’t look but you can’t look away either.

    I also wonder how they’re going to smoothly introduce all the characters that come to help the Cullens.. Otherwise, I guess we’ll watch a freak show.

  22. Please send this to Summit!!!
    I think your sugestions were spot on . I´m really afraind what the result of this movie woul be and the crazy rumors that it could be made into multiple movies; please I hope not, once this books is adapted into a script, they can clean so many aspects this could fail is tranalated exactly from book to movie.
    SUmmit needs to hear to focus on Robert Pattinson, I wan´t complain if there is no storyline at all if I see two hours of hot Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen.

  23. Seriously, it would be WAY better if the whole imprinting thing was left out. When Jake comes down the stairs when Bella’s being turned, he can see Renesmee and be won over by her like everyone else is, and become her big brother figure. But please, please, PLEASE let them not even whisper the word “imprint”. I guess we’ll get a taste of what they intend to do with that by the third movie. If they don’t mention imprinting in the second or third movie, we should be in the clear… hopefully.

    You think the twilight haters are bad now? Let’s not hand them THAT loaded gun to mock us with as well.

  24. First, I haven’t read through anyone else’s comments cause I’m doing a drive by posting. So I apologize if someone has already said this.

    I am wondering if they (summit) will just avoid the whole imprinting mess all together. Can’t imagine it’s an easy thing to convey in the movie, and really, you could just take the whole Jake story line out and I’d be okay with that.

    Back to work…*grumblegrumblegrumble*

    • OOH! and UC, you totally killed me with this caption: Jake, Renesmee and Quil

      Total WIN.

  25. “Picture my first viewing of Twilight the movie. I was sitting next to this little chubby 10 year old wearing a Team Jacob shirt. I said, “Why are you Team Jacob?” And she answered, “Cuz he’s the best.” And then I bitch-slapped that lil chubster. But then I felt really bad cuz she confessed that Hot Topic only had smalls left in the Team Edward shirts.”

    This was me this ENTIRE past weekend!! Love this and love YOU!!

  26. I had a huge problem with Breaking Dawn…and that was pretty much all of it.

    I was with the whole sparkly-vampire/human/werewolf thing, which lets face it is so bizarre and ridiculous, its not even believable in the most believable setting, which I think Twilight offers for the most part. But Renesmee (really, just saying the name makes me scrunch my face up in distaste) seriously taxes the limits of what I will tolerate, even for a completely fantastical, fictional world. And the whole imprinting thing was so obvious, I guessed what was going to happen 70 pages before it did, at a spot where there was no hinting or foreshadowing in the book.

    It seemed to me like a really sloppy, thrown-together way to give the story that happy ending that everyone always wants, and I honestly dont know if I’ll read it again. I was definitely disappointed, especially after how good Eclipse was.

    I for one, am hoping they alter the film drastically from the book to make it appeal to viewers; it may be the only time in my life where I could definitively say the movie will probably be better than the book (if they stay away from the cheese and weird factor) I’m still not sure I’ll go see it in the theater, and no matter what they do, I still cant wait to see the critics’ reviews…

  27. Missed you all so much!!! Just back from holiday…and checking in.

    Breaking Dawn….hmmmm, tricky. I have a love hate thing with this one. Book, okay…not my fav, but I embraced it eventually, for the smexy. Movie, um…..please no. It cannot go well can it? Srsly. But like waiting for a trainwreck …I’m pretty sure I’ll flock to see it happen. Cant. Look. Away.

    • MISSED YOU! wondering where you’ve been! welcome back

      • xoxo I was having a superb vaca, but let’s be honest….you are my life now. Sorry I forgot to send a heads up…I’m organized like that. Love you girls. ;)

        • PROS, I’ve been missing you. Was ready to send out the search team on twitter. Don’t ever let it happen again.

  28. I don’t know if I will go and see it… seriously…!!
    BD is not the greatest book, mmmm I have my concerns… definitely… I don’t wanna see any of the actors doing BD, yeah, sounds harsh but true.
    I don’t know, we’ll have to wait I guess.

  29. So, can you just write the script, UC? I think you’d do a much better job than Melissa Rosen-what’s-her-name! You’re getting everything right so far, especially with the ‘Sexytimes Edward.’

    • sure!

  30. Meh, the movie sounds scary. I think it’s best this book remain in our imaginations…where it would probably be better than a movie that tried to do too much CGI.

    I just love that Rob is looking forward to the C-section scene. It makes me cringe just thinking about it!! Haha. I can’t even IMAGINE the faces that KSTEW would make…and we thought the fight scene was BAD!

    hehe.

  31. p.s. EW. that thing is GROSS!

  32. I agree that a BD movie would be totally awkward, for all the reasons stated above… yet I must confess I would not be able to supress the curiosity.

    And hey, sometimes when you’re expecting the worst, it turns out not to be so bad after all… *fingers crossed!*

  33. PS: And srsly, whát is that thing? Is it made from wool? Is it supposed to represent Bella’s womb? If yes, then why does it look like a dinosaur egg? This thing is in serious need of some breaking-down-VF-style. Nurse, scalpel!

    • Honestly…It looks like a burned pizza margharita. I mean…like really! check it out again before telling me I’m crazy.

      P.S. Just don’t look too close, because then the burned cheese is hairy.

  34. I love love lovee the fade to black ideas! That would look really good and not cheesy or entirely sick and/or disgusting with lots of gore. Ugh..

    Also, Sexytimes Edward.. mmmm..

    Um.. that womb “crafty” thing.. BARF

  35. UC, you have voiced ALL of my fears for the making of Breaking Dawn into a book (been discussing this in other forums before, there are a lot of mixed emotions going around, obviously).

    I always thought that there were some huge problems with BD like Why Did She Have to Have a Baby in the First Place? (hated the whole miserable pregnancy, bloody birth and too pat imprinting) and Why Can’t They Just Be Allowed to have their Honeymoon in Peace and Resolve some of Their Emotional Issues?

    Plus I thought how Bella made the Most Perfect Vampire Ever just felt like Stephanie finally couldn’t help but let herself go all out and fancy herself in Bella’s shoes and smooth the way for her as Little Miss Perfect. Yes, I smell Edamer.

    Your suggestions on how to solve the problems are elegant though, and might just work! Maybe they could send Renesmee off to boarding school real early in the script, and solve a lot of problems that way?

    Since, who are we kidding, what female in her right mind would NOT want to see a shirtless Robert Pattinson biting pillows, with or without Kristen in the background, out of focus? I can keep my eyes shut for the rest of the movie if I get some of that… :-)

    • Oh, my subconscious again, of course I meant “the making of Breaking Dawn from a book into a movie”.
      I really feel fear and butterflies in my stomach over the whole idea…

    • “with or without Kristen in the background, out of focus”

      LMAO

  36. Anytime you can work Daddy Lautner into a post is a win. The brownies in the oven analogy for waiting for Renesmee–Hilarious!

  37. I’m new also, but what would the chances be of summit just making the whole movie animated. That would take care of every scene. How many fans do you think they would p–s off. Just wondering. You all can slap me now.

  38. The movie will have to leave a lot to the imagination, I think.

    So, what up with this interview about Rachelle’s being fired and the statement Jacksper (my new boyfriend) made? “I’m really sad that I’m not going to get to work with her on the final film of the franchise we started together.”
    Does that mean the final film that she would have been in? Confusion on his part or on my part or huh?

  39. Great post! I too have my concerns about Breaking Dawn. As much as I wish they would just cut out the whole Reneesmee (sp?) fiasco, I saw the Evian skating babies commercial and thought that they might be able to pull it off. It looks significantly better than the Ally McBeal Dancing Baby.

    • Ahhhhhh! I cannot believe no one has commented on this video!!!

      I had never seen this creeptastic vid before! After watching this one, whatever temp CGI baby the effects kids come up with has to be better!!!

      *shudder*

  40. ROFL!!! Loved this post, but the homemade uterus made me throw up a little bit in my mouth again. Thanks for that.
    Love your ideas and hope someone at Summit reads this blog and sees how brilliant you are and does it this way!

  41. The 4th book made my uterus shrivel up in fear and dissapear. (poof/gone).

    Pretty freaky deaky stuff …. Oh yeah, I’m really looking forward to the 4th book. should be interesting how its handled.

    re: chubby 10 year old fans.. I wished they’d show the Cullens eating one! :P heh.

  42. My sister and I have argued about this for awhile. She’s keen for the movie, I’m not. I didn’t think the whole father wanting to kill the baby would make it to film when someone giving the finger gets blurred on your cable tv. But I guess if they drop a lot of the in-depth and make heavy scenes light it might be a little bit funny? I agree with the comment that you guys should write the script!

  43. DIED:

    “It doesn’t matter how much coaching Big Daddy Lautner gives him (”Just gaze at her like I gaze at the oven while your mom has double fudge chocolate chip brownies baking- you want them now, but it’ll be worth the wait.”)”

    DIED. just DIED. i love big daddy.

    ps jacob renesemee and QUIL?! DIED again!

  44. They have to make a fourth movie-it will blow if they leave it at Eclipse and we don’t get to see the marriage (HONEYMOON) & the change. Plus I don’t think Summit will miss an opportunity to suck every last dollar out of this franchise (unintended pun, really).

    However- I don’t think they should make BD as written. I know some (lots) of people will disagree with this but for me, BD was a big disappointment. I hated the idea of E&B having a child-just married and she gets preggo on the honeymoon?? Every time Renesme(ugh) had a line in the book I rolled my eyes. Wrong, just wrong. I HATED Bella’s change-you want the change the way it should’ve been done, read Let Your Light Shine and A Life Extraordinary. I know these are YA books but still.

    Plus I don’t think it will do much for Rob’s career after BD if he has to act in a movie where he chews a baby out of its mother’s womb.
    So, please Summit, if you make BD, find a way to leave Renesme out of it. Read some really good fanfiction and find a way to A) get rid of Renesme and B) make Bella’s change less, um, grisly.
    Oh, and throw us a bone with the honeymoon, OK?

  45. Two observations. Or shall we say, just for the heck of it and because it’s stupid, “robservations”:

    1. Why does Bella have a mustache in the water/chokehold photo?

    2. I volunteer for the position of warm-up housemaid. Hell, I’ll pay.

  46. Excellent post, UC. I have the same concerns, but I think if it can be written for the page it can be written for the screen. Clearly this means getting a new script writer. If we can imagine Jacob imprinting on Nessie as a beautiful thing so can a director, and if he/she is skilled enough we’ll see that beauty through their eyes. The creepiness would largely be in the acting. All Taylor has to do is act 100% like a doting big brother. I think if the imprinting isn’t there, there won’t be that wonderful tension between Bella, Edward, and Jacob that they work through so beautifully. I would miss that.

    I think the birth is much more problematic. I like your idea of seeing it from Bella’s POV but I think it might be cooler to see everything up until Jacob leaves the room, and then follow him downstairs. The fans will know what’s going on up there. The people who don’t know the story will have the anxiety of wondering if Bella is dying, and then we’ll get to see if Taylor has the chops to do child killer turned molester in one long shot as he imprints.

    I don’t think a CGI baby is necessary. I hope they don’t even try. Summit doesn’t seem to want to sink the money into those sorts of effects like Peter Jackson does, if the Jacob-wolf is any indication. I would rather they mess with the time line a little. Show us the baby Jacob imprints on, and then skip to 3 days later. Show us a toddler. Then in a scene or two we can see the girl (7-8 who can play 5-6) who will take it from there. The continuity can be in the color of the eyes and the hair color.

    If only they’ll listen to us. Or better yet hire us as consultants!

  47. Or they can totally change the end, like they often do in Hollywood movies (Breakfast at Tiffany’s comes to my mind: a happy end instead of her leaving him in the book)
    and Jacob imprints on Leah ( I’m reading the saga/BD for the second time and I think he should), they live happily ever after and breed even better faster smarter little wolves and Renesmee is just there.

    • Yup. Right there with you on Jacob and Leah!

  48. I agreed with almost all of this.
    except. jake HAS to imprint. the story just does not work unless you factor in all Jakes help after he imprints on Nessie. I’m Team Edward and i still think Jake has to imprint. I wont see the movie if they are going to change the plot…okay i wont see it more than once if they are going to change the plot

  49. I bet you a unicorn that Summit’s going to “grow it up” by either speeding up Renesmee’s growth even further or flashing forward until she’s a teenager and THEN Jacob imprints. Then you can have happy teen couples all around.

    (Did I even spell that retarded name correctly?)

  50. OMG – I think that was the funniest post from you guys I’ve ever read. I’d especially like to call out the picture of Jacob, Renesmee and Quil. I still can’t stop laughing. You guys are ridiculous.

    I agree with “52 Faces” about having Renesmee age faster so she’s not necessarily a baby for long….and having Jake imprint on her later would be a crowd pleaser. Good thinking!

    I think Summit is holding off on making an announcement about Breaking Dawn because they are honestly having these same kind of conversations about it as we are involving Chris Hansen concerns, CGI babies, how much of Rob’s body can they show without getting an R rating. So keep pondering Summit – we rather have you get this right than rush out a crazy-ass movie.

    UC & Moon – you guys are awesome!

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