Everything I needed to know about life I learned from Twilight

twilight-book-coverDear Stephenie Meyer,

I’ve been apart of the Twilight fandom and reader of your saga for going on 9months now. Quite a short amount of time when you think about it and especially compared to some folks who have been around since the beginning. But 9months of living, breathing, reading and blogging about anything and everything, Twilight has show me quite a few things about life, stuff I can’t believe I didn’t know before all this and I’m sure you’ll agree…

  • If your boyfriend ever breaks up with you, getting lost in the woods is a good way to meet some of the local boys and perhaps Mr. Rebound will carry you home if you act ‘out of it’ enough
  • When you really need to know if your 17yr old crush exhibits characteristics of  a vampire, it’s totally ok to wait till you can get to a bookstore to buy a book about Native American Legends instead of googling it immediately
  • Fake, sexy vampires. Yes please

    Fake, sexy vampires. Yes please

    It is perfectly acceptable to expect to find a guy who is gorgeous, smart, rich, charming, has a 6 pack, desires you above anyone else, would die for you and doesn’t’ mind when you’re a whiny little bitch

  • If your crush shows you that his skin sparkles like diamonds in the sunlight, stick around! You definitely want to find out if he can uproot trees, hurl logs across fields and breathe you into submission with his ice cold breath
  • If a man named Rob Pattinson happens to show up in your life, dominates your thoughts, your time and your sanity, it’s perfectly normal to want to slap that grin off his face and then want to do naughty things to him in a busy intersection
  • It’s perfectly normal to expect your vampire boyfriend and your werewolf best friend to fight to the death on your behalf even when you can’t choose between them while leading them both on. It’s called chivalry after all
  • To be a true catch all you need is: rock hard abs, family of super hero quality people, immortality, a sister with the ability to see the future, a shiny silver volvo, and a wounded heart
  • jasperaliceIf you’ve ever thought the idea of doing it with a vampire is sexy and dangerous, it is. You will enjoy the sex. The sex will be more mind blowing than you can imagine. But the pain of a half-vampire child ripping it’s way out of your womb because you chose to have unprotected sex with said handsome vampire? Not worth it
  • When you go into labor with your unplanned, supernatural child, having your husband chew through your abdomen to deliver the monster baby is a viable delivery option
  • I can write something funny about ANYTHING vampire-related in 30 minutes at 2 in the morning
  • Meeting people off the internet with names like Mrs. P_ifurnastee,  Jaspergetsmeexcited and DrCullenatyourService and is a really safe idea!
    Wait. You're how old?

    Wait. You're how old?

  • If a man tries to manipulate your emotions, let him. He’s only using his special gift to make you feel better about yourself because your boyfriend is a flawless human specimen, his sister is quite possibly a former supermodel, treacherous rival vampires have made it their lifes mission to kill you and you’re an average human girl who’s clumsy and thinks sweatpants and holey tshirts are acceptable clothing options to take on a trip to Italy
  • Spending every evening online tweeting, posting in a forum and blogging about Vampires is good for your social life

So as you can see the keys to living a good life are found in your saga Stephenie! Did you know that? Between you and me I think you may be on to something. Who knows, this whole Twilight could really blow up some day!

Off to find a sparkly perfect boyfriend! Cause that’s totally possible!
Themoonisdown

Do what did you learn about life from Twilight?

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117 Responses

  1. Do what did you learn about life from Twilight?

    * That it’s normal to sneak your vampire boyfriend in your bedroom while your dad is watching tv downstairs.

    * That it’s normal that your vampire friend doesn’t have a problem with your scent while it’s the time of the month.

    Yeah…..true (twilight) life….sigh

    • Forgot about the”period” thing. Meyers never did address that in her book. P.U.

  2. ‘If a man named Rob Pattinson happens to show up in your life, dominates your thoughts, your time and your sanity, it’s perfectly normal to want to slap that grin off his face and then want to do naughty things to him in a busy intersection’….Moon have you been reading my journals?!?!? LMAO :D That’s EXACTLY what I’ve been going through and thinking about… ;) I guess this would make us ‘twinkies’!!! :)

  3. What did I learn from Twilight?

    That Moon is DESTINED to marry a vampire. And that I will then live vicariously through her supernatural, super special, super sexy relationship with said vampire.

    p.s. I also learned to use words such as “irrevocably,” and terms such as “a clear case of sour grapes.” My vocabularly rules.

    • i like what you learned from twilight!

  4. There is so much gold in this post, Moon, I don’t even know where to start.
    The whole thing is *hilarious*, so I’m going to go with this…

    “If a man named Rob Pattinson happens to show up in your life, dominates your thoughts, your time and your sanity, it’s perfectly normal to want to slap that grin off his face and then want to do naughty things to him in a busy intersection…”

    …Using techniques that you may or may not have learnt from Twilight inspired FF…the holy grail of satisfying yourself and him, EVERY TIME. Sometimes multiple.

    But you may or may not want to wait until you have dragged Rob away from aforementioned intersection.

    Wins all ’round.

  5. I learned that it is ok if your boyfriend wants to kill you. As long as he is hot.

    • WIN!

    • On further reflection, he can’t just be hot. He must dazzle.

  6. I would also like to add that what I personally have learned from Twilight is that even if the writing is spectacularly crap… that a novel where a hot guy falls in love with an ordinary girl will be a winner and strangely addictive.

    That the fact that the hot guy is in fact a vampire, who can be a trifle possessive, emotionally retarded, never says what he thinks despite demanding that from you, is quite frankly strange and displays tool-like behaviour on many occasions, can be overlooked because the movie-star incarnation of him is hot, making the book version of him… more appealing and therefore you are able to overlook these lesser qualities.

    • You forgot about the stalkerisch creeping up on you kind of behaviour ;)

      • My bad.

        I would also like to add that you can overlook the stalkerish creeping up on you behaviour if it comes from a hot guy.

        In real life, you’d squash his bejesus for it, but in Twilight world, you overlook it because he’s hot.

    • Oooh! That’s what I was going to write! Usually when I refer to Edward as being posessive eveyone shoots me down and claims that he’s merely protective and Bella *needs* him. The fact that she walked around, clumsy as hell for 17 years and managed not to die makes no difference.

      I learned you can be not very good at what you do and still make a kajillion dollars doing it. I’m still trying to figure out how her editor allowed peoples’ expressions to tighten on every other page. I’ve never been able to figure out just what that looks like.

      • Like your take on this, Jodie – making a kajillion dollars by ‘writing’ a novel that really isn’t that good, but has hot guys in it. Apparently that overthrows everything. New 90210 is crap, but has hot guys in it. I’m there. Music of boy bands is usually crap, but have hot guys in it. I’m there.

        Bella needing Edward? Gah. No woman needs a man. This idea is obscene. Women are perfectly able to cope on their own and survive. Bella chooses not to. That’s right, she chooses not to. Because she is a whingy, whiny, lip biting, stammering, stumbling annoying character.

        I’ve always wondered how BD made it out of the publishing house. Disaster. Epic disaster. So badly written and structured it’s hard to know where to begin. Where were the editors?! That’s right, she has more than one. Where were they?!

        Looking at the posters of Rob on their walls. See. Put a hot guy there, and everything is a winner.

        • The editors didn’t care about Breaking Dawn. The entire book was disjointed and felt like she rushed through to get it out. But no one cared because it was already a best seller before it was even released.
          It was guaranteed money.
          I still try to think of Twilight as a trilogy. Breaking Dawn was fail. If I could un-read something, I would have un-read that. I’m convinced that Bella is Stephenie Meyer’s alter dream ego. She wanted to BE Bella. The entire series was her fantasy. And she gave Bella the happy ending without sacrifice(barely any) that SHE wanted for herself.
          Breaking Dawn would have been leagues better, and that’s not saying a lot, if she would have left out the stupid pregnancy and made it more about Bella’s vampiric abilities and delved into Alice/Jasper/Emmett’s past. It would have ALSO been better had she not turned Edward into a pussy. All the sudden Bella had balls and no one did a thing about her balls even when she was being a brat. Since when would Edward let Bella put her life in danger, in front of him, and him not stop it? Totally out of character.
          And I still don’t buy her ‘dream’ idea when she wrote Twilight. Way too many similiarities to C.Harris’s books to be a random dream of a bored SAHM.

          • To me it seemed like Stephanie just got in over her head. She wrote Twilight, which wasn’t a great book, but was definfately a page-turner. We were all able to relate to the heartbreak of New Moon, so that was a success. Eclipse, well, this is where things started to fall apart for me. And Breaking Dawn? Well, what better way to get out of writing an epic battle than to not have one? I think she was just under pressure to churn out a new money-maker, neede to make it a Big Bang so she could end the series, and just didn’t know how to execute it.

          • Wow. Fluffy-poo, you’re just so insightful. Sometimes I read comments like this and go, “Now why didn’t I see that?” I tend to not overanalyze things that I love. I guess I blindly love them. Your comment is making me question why I even like the series. :-/ Starting to wonder why I got so caught up in all this! Don’t get me wrong, there have been MANY wonderful additions to my life since getting involved, but I still wonder. I love your comments. You’re silly and smart and I <3 you. :-)

          • PREACH PINKFLUFF!! this is EXACTLY how i feel about breaking dawn! i read it and was like that was a joke right??!!

            “The entire series was her fantasy. And she gave Bella the happy ending without sacrifice(barely any) that SHE wanted for herself.”

            and

            “Breaking Dawn would have been leagues better, and that’s not saying a lot, if she would have left out the stupid pregnancy and made it more about Bella’s vampiric abilities and delved into Alice/Jasper/Emmett’s past. It would have ALSO been better had she not turned Edward into a pussy. All the sudden Bella had balls and no one did a thing about her balls even when she was being a brat. Since when would Edward let Bella put her life in danger, in front of him, and him not stop it? Totally out of character.”

            i have said forever that once the pregnancy happens edwards seems like a completey different character! like WTF?!

          • Marta- Awww, I <3 your face so much! I think so many people fell in love with the love story at first. Then the more people read, the more intelligent people realized how unrealistic and flawed this 'perfect' man was. I was very pro-Twilight until Breaking Dawn. Like I cussed while reading it. LOL So much so my husband looked at me and was like "Jesus, it is THAT bad?" It's the main reason I'm not one of those other Twilight people…because I need the sarcasm and admittance to the obvious flaws that UC and Moon play on.

            And Jodie- yes! I think she was in over head by the time she got to New Moon.

            Moonie- YES! It wasn't even Edward. It was a pussy-whipped shell of a man.

          • “turned Edward into a pussy” – SO agree with u..

          • They should have cared, because it reflects badly on the publishing house, the editors, SM, and their precious series.

            If you’re trying to sell yourself as the next JK Rowling (don’t even go there) then putting out a BD is perhaps not the best way to go.

            I also have a theory that SM got an ego for BD, which you can’t really have when you are a writer. The red pen process is too brutal to have an ego in publishing.

            She comes across as a little arrogant in interviews, like she believes the hype. Given that by the time that BD came out she was a very successful author, it would have been easier for her to get what she wanted, crappola or not, from the editors, for BD.

            And not only the pregnancy, but there are so many characters in BD with so many back stories added, it’s like. Fuck. Where is the focus. Where is the story? Is it a story about werewolves or vampires? Is it a story about Bella and Edward’s or Jacob?

            The whole Jacob fiasco cannot be overlooked. The most important thing in Bella’s life told from the perspective of someone else? Epic bad. You can read the whole novel and not read the Jacob perspective and IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. What is with that?

            And why did Bella have to become beautiful and special? Isn’t the whole appeal of the series that she is ordinary?

            So many times in BD the characterisations slip and change. Not for the better, either.

          • AGreed

          • Oh she has a HUGE ego. That’s apparent in her interviews. Once Twilight took off, she RIVALED JK Rowling in her own mind. She has always struck me as very smug. For being so ‘normal’ and ‘mom-ish’ her air is far from a minivan Target shopping soccer mom.

            See I never thought Bella was plain. That got me, big time. That was apparent from Twilight. Bella thought she was…but with a name like Bella Swan…hello, Beautiful Swan? Everyone loved her, the girls hated her and the boys wanted her. It was obvious no matter how SM stressed she was clumsy and ‘plain’ and had plain brown hair and plain brown eyes that EVERYONE fawned over her and thought differently.
            And yes, there was constant slipping of the character that she built WELL in the first books, and successfully shot them to shit in the last. Edward would call Jasper, Jazz? Are you JOKING me? Just little things like that that seeped through made me question WHO was even writing the book.

            No one questioned her because it was already a moneymaker. No one needed to say “Wait, what? A werewolf does WHAT with a BABY? He bites her uterus, why?..did you eat a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser when you wrote that chapter?”

            Yes they SHOULD have…but I think all bets for good literature were off and it was a bottomline, cash cow driven game then.

            And FWIW, because I’ve had comments today…I LIKE Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse. And I’d actually love to read Midnight Sun. Breaking Dawn broke me and left me bitter. I never liked Stephenie Meyer to begin with so this is nothing new. And I still love Edward no matter how much of a big, hard tool he is.

          • I am SO stealing this expression:

            “Did you eat a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser when you ____?”

        • As my writing group colleague (and reporter for the L.A. Times) joked (I hope), “It probably didn’t even go through editing. They just sent it straight to the printers.”

    • “displays tool-like behaviour on many occasions”

      WIIINNN!!!

  7. I’d just like to say that I have had way too much fun with the thumbs up and down buttons. I’m like a three-year-old with a new toy. Can’t stop pressing them.

    Oh, my expectations for any future relationship are totally effed up now. I mean, how can any man compete with a sparkle peen? IT EFFING SPARKLES!

    • Yes, they are gold.
      Shame that they don’t sparkle!

    • LOL sparkle peen is def something to compete for! HAHA
      i had some really glittery ribbons the other day for a bday present, and a guy at work grabbed it and said “are these edwards shiny pubes that your gonna stick on this gift for her?! im surprised you werent gonna keep it yourself!”

    • A sparkling WILLY!!!

      Of only they could get THAT into Breaking Dawn during the hot-island-feather-sex!!!

      If he had that many dots on him for a Body Sparkle, how would they get the willy bit to sparkle for Breaking Dawn?

      Suggestions. Mere thoughts.

    • I wish there was an occasion in RL to use the word ‘sparkle peen.’

    • And OMG. I love the buttons, too! Are these a permanent addition? Cuz they’re fab! :-)

  8. oooo! a lil kid in a candy store! where did these thumbs ups and thumbs down come from?! lol

    twilight taught me that its ok to have a masochistic boyfriend who feels the need to be in complete control of where you are at all times, approve of your outfits, not fully come out as to what he’s thinking, and for some reason, its fckin HOT bc he’s a vampire and sparkles.

    • whoops.. pardon my french there!

    • You forgot to add that it is alright for him to resemble a marble statute and is so cold that the only way you can be near him is if the heating is up. Basically, you become a human barbeque for him. But that you are willing to overlook the fact that you can’t even cuddle, let alone shag like rabbits, because he is hot.

      French pardoned.

    • thumbs up/thumbs down are a new toy we found!

      fun, no?!!

  9. What have I learned? That I am so much more adjusted in my life than I really have any right to be.

    I also learned that if your boyfriend talks down to you like you are an idiot it’s ok cause he’s really handsome and a vampire and having a backbone might be a bad thing cause then he would get all emo on you. And NO ONE wants that!

    I also learned that the way vampires have so much money is because though they live in our country (and others) they don’t pay taxes…I mean, how could they? Don’t you think someone would notice that Carlisle is reporting his income for the last couple hundred years? Yeah, it’s buried in the backyard.

    • DUDE this needs to be discussed next april 15. way to avoid paying taxes carlisle! you think he “volunteers” all his time at the hospital to avoid a pay check??

      • No, he is probably an independent contractor that says he ‘claims’ his taxes quarterly, but never does.

        TAX EVASION!!!!!

  10. Do what did you learn about life from Twilight?
    Truth, I learnt the TRUE meaning of OBSESSION leading to Robsession……..

    “Meeting people off the internet with names like Mrs. P_ifurnastee, Jaspergetsmeexcited and DrCullenatyourService and is a really safe idea! ”
    Well… since a good few forum meets have happened and I myself am expecting 2 forum members I will not recognize when I pick them up from the airport in a few weeks, I totally agree with that statement……..
    Love the post am crying here at the truth in the sarcasm <3 <3 all

    • take pics!! we wanna see your meet up in a different country than ours!!

      is this the first european LTT/LTR meet up?!!

  11. I’ve learned that no matter how many times I tell myself, “I will read other books, I will watch other movies, I will read CNN while online.”– I don’t. At all. And I am fine with that. :)

    • Srsly! I’m stuck in fanfic land and can’t get out! I have several REAL books I want to read, but there’s just SO much FF out there, I keep getting sucked back in! GAH!

      • GAHHHHHHHHH!! Get out of FF land and yes I gave you a thumbs down (and also a thumbs up, cause I <3 your face)

  12. “If a man named Rob Pattinson happens to show up in your life, dominates your thoughts, your time and your sanity, it’s perfectly normal to want to slap that grin off his face and then want to do naughty things to him in a busy intersection.”

    THAT’S NORMAL!

  13. I have learned that my life is incredibly boring, that my Husband is a dissapointment, and that I’m getting old.

    *has a pity party*

    On a more positive note, I’ve learned that Rob Pattinson can make all the bad feelings go away, at least for a little while.
    ;)

    • he’s like a druuuuug

  14. What did i learn from Twilight ?
    That a guy who come in your room (by the window, of course) and watch you sleep, without you knowing it, every single day is not always an old creepy pervert.

    Or is he … ? ^^

    • Clearly Edward is a creepy pervert, regardless of SM having to re-write MS to show that he isn’t.

      17 year old boys do not go in to girls bedrooms and not want to cop a look at the minimum, a feel if they are lucky.

  15. What did I learn from Twilight? I learned that my in-laws are inferior. My mother-in-law has a house decorated with items she won on the Price Is Right (true story) My father in law can’t stitch me up…because he’s too drunk. My Brother-in-law does not wrestle grizzly bears, but he does shoot squirells and rabbits. My sister-in-law would not EVER be confused with a beauty queen and not only can she not see the future, I’m not sure she is fully aware of what is going on right now. I feel jipped. Thanks a heap Stephenie Meyer

    • “My sister-in-law would not EVER be confused with a beauty queen and not only can she not see the future, I’m not sure she is fully aware of what is going on right now. I feel jipped. Thanks a heap Stephenie Meyer”

      LMAO! I wonder if Stephenie Meyer feels the same way.

    • ILH, this is a really good point!!

      The Price is Right? Really? How long ago?

      • 1991 girl…she won the Showcase Showdown…the crappy one. She got wall to wall in 2 rooms, a floral sofa, a Golden Girlesque dinette set, a hot tub that has been empty since I’ve known them (they can’t get rid of it because they built a sunroom around it and now it is STUCK in there…true story) and one of those stand alone fireplaces. She also won a years supply of Rice-A-Roni but I think it may be all gone now.

        • omgomgomg.

          I love, and I mean LOVE stories about people on game shows. I had a friend who went on Wheel of Fortune and totally choked.

          She was so bummed because she JUST NEEDED TO BUY AN ‘E’, dammit!
          :-)

    • the price is right!!!

      this whole comment is awesometown

  16. Pretty sure vamp sperm would blow right through your average Trojan.

    And what I really learned from Twilight is that you need to get your friends on board with you, so you can all discuss together, instead of you being the weirdo adult female reading the young adult vampire book!

    • “Pretty sure vamp sperm would blow right through your average Trojan.”

      GAAH! I’m going to have that imagery in my head all. day.

    • Yeah, it would just melt that thing off!

      (and by ‘thing’ I mean the condom, lol)

  17. Twilight only reinforced the idea that in reality I will never find an Edward, which may or may not be a good thing!

    By the way Moon, I only got into Twilight five months ago after a friend randomly passed me the book and I swear my life has been forever changed. I got my mother the translations to read (which is a big deal because she only reads the paper and spiritual texts!), she was hooked and is dying for Breaking Dawn since that translation isn’t due out for another 10 days. I also just passed my copy of Twilight to one of my friends last night and I’m dying to hear if she got into it. I was like, “listen, if you like this book and you really get into it, a WHOLE NEW WORLD is going to open up for you.” She looked at me like I was crazy.

    • pass along the virus!

      GOOD JOB!!

      what translation??

      • The traditional chinese version. My mom was actually trying to get another one of her friends to read it but she wasn’t taken by the idea at the mention of ‘vampires’ haha

  18. I should preface this by saying that these books have altered me in a profound and philosophical way…I never knew the depths to which my mind could be expanded…here is what I learned from Twilight:

    That living in Forks, WA is hot!
    That being stalked is hot!
    That having a BF who wants to kill you is hot!
    That not being able to have sex with your BF is hot!
    That driving a shiny, silver volvo is hot!
    That vampire baseball is hot!
    That wearing a cast to prom is hot!
    That being pale is hot!
    That smelling good is hot!
    That going to High School is hot!
    That cooking for your Dad is hot!
    That rain is hot!
    That googling is hot!
    …..and, that R.P. is HOT, cause he is.

    • Leg Hitches are also hot!

      Who knew?

      • Leg Hitch…hold on, personal moment…….

        Yehehehehehehesssssssss! Hot!

    • Umm, being pale isn’t hot? Eff! No wonder I’m alone… :-(

      Once upon a time, being Pale was a sign of wealth. Lets all remember that for my sake, even though I’m broke.

      • No! She wrote that being pale IS hot! We’re good!

        And look at all the pale hotness out there: Nicole Kidman (tho not sure anymore w/all the botox), Anne Hathaway, Reese Witherspoon, Christina Ricci, Michelle Williams, etc., etc., etc.

        Oh, and once upon a time, being a luscious, curvy gal was HOT, too (still think it is)! Those were the days.

  19. I learned from Twilight that:

    Premartial sex is WRONG.
    You should totally forego college, get married at 18 and pop out a demon spawn to make sex okay.

    While premartial sex is sinful, borderline pedophilia is not. It’s okay to find your soulmate and fall in love with a 3 year old as long as you’re a werewolf!!

    It’s perfectly acceptable to abandon your friends and life to immerse yourself in your tool(albeit HOT) boyfriend. It’s also acceptable when said tool boyfriend abandons YOU to give up on life and fall into such a depression you try to off yourself.

    And finally. if a man ever tells you “don’t worry I can’t get anyone pregnant”, wrap it up ANYWAY. He lies!

    • “While premarital sin is sinful, borderline pedophilia is not” equals win.

      Even if a man is hot, I don’t think you should ever overlook ‘don’t worry, I can’t get anyone pregnant’. It leads to icky-birth scenes. And that is so not hot.

  20. It’s perfectly normal for your three kids to have to compete with a poorly manufactured action figure for camera time.

  21. With chagrin, I thought I wasn’t fully aware of what the word ‘chagrin’ meant. Imagine my chagrin when I realized I did know what ‘chagrin’ meant, but b/c SM used it so much I thought it must have a more meaningful, well…meaning. I feel like I fully understand the word as well as all the complexities of ‘chagrin’ thanks to Twilight. Gotta go – I can feel the chagrin a’ comin’!

    • OMG, I thought I was the only one who noticed that too because ‘chagrin’ is not a word I use on a daily basis!

    • The woman is in serious need of a thesaurus. My eyes are tightening at the mere thought of it.

    • “imagine my chagrin whean i realized i didn';t know what chagrin meant.”

      HAHAHAHAHA

  22. It’s normal to tell your boyfriend you “don’t like double standards” but them to use them all the time yourself.

    For example, its ok to get extremely jealous of some random chick Tanya and demand your boyfriend tell you absolutely everything about her previous physical interest in him. It’s also okay to go lead on your best friend who’s in love with you by cuddling with him and continuing to be his friend even after his sexual advances make you uncomfortable.

    When your boyfriend gets jealous of your best friend who’s all over you all the time, he’s being unreasonable. When you get jealous of a chick thousands of miles away which your boyfriend has no kind of relationship with, its NORMAL! That’s normal!

    In a misguided attempt to protect you, if your boyfriend abandons you for months and makes you believe he longer loves you, when he comes back: forgive him immediately.

    In a misguided attempt to protect you, your best friend tells your dad about your stupid motorcycles. Get angry, even if this has caused you no emotional harm and is just an inconvenience. Don’t forgive him for weeks. It’s normal.

    Gah now this post and the comments have just brought up all the flaws in reasoning in the twilight series…. damn now Im annoyed

    • but for some reason we still love it and eat that shit up!

  23. “If a man named Rob Pattinson happens to show up in your life, dominates your thoughts, your time and your sanity, it’s perfectly normal to want to slap that grin off his face and then want to do naughty things to him in a busy intersection” (or behind a dumpster.) You would think that by now I would know better than to drink coffee (or anything for that matter), while I read LTT. I don’t know how much more projecting coffee my computer can take. And THAT will be a doozey to explain to the hubster…

    About three things that I am absolutely positive…First, LTT and LTR makes me laugh so hard that it usually results in me either snorting, or sputtering a beverage.
    Second, there is a part of me that has to remind myself that it is completely NORMAL, that when my husband mentioned moving to Vancouver for work, I was thinking that it would only work out if it was during the filming of Eclipse.
    And third, I too would love to slap that grin off of Robwards face and then proceed to give him a special hug, anytime, anyplace. ;)

    • anywhere.

  24. What have I learned…

    You husband may never sparkle, but if you can get him to read Twilight he’ll at least shut the hell up when you read it again for the 10th time.

    Because you love Rob, it is perfectly acceptable to post passages from a make your own romance novel with steamy scenes of you and Rob and then make other people read them by posting them on your blog.

    • Acctually I got my hubby to read it, he read all 4 books in 4 days.. he as well suggested (himself!) to watch the movie with me…
      I don’t know if he gets it (I hope not all of it… huh… :) ), but he doesn’t complain anymore when I’m in Twilight zone (which is almost all the time) :)

      • “when I’m in Twilight zone (which is almost all the time)”

        Twilight zone? omg why have I not used that phrase in a blog post or at least a Twitter yet???

  25. I learned that if you are socially awkward, not very attractive bookworm that if you move to a new town all the boys will immediately fall in love with you. And they won’t care when you tell them you are going to be out of town for the prom and you show up on the arm of the guy they all hate.

  26. MOON! SEE?!?! Everyone will be there to play in traffic with us! LOVE IT! You made me laugh out loud!

    What I learned from reading twilight:
    I AM COMPLETELY NORMAL

    • who knew the intersection could be so fun??!!

      *off to buy our wedding dresses*

  27. “Meeting people off the internet with names like Mrs. P_ifurnastee, Jaspergetsmeexcited and DrCullenatyourService and is a really safe idea!”

    As much as i love the books and everything else i love that the internet allows us to be friends and share our normalcy because RL friends just don’t understand – so when OL friends become RL friends then it’s the best of both worlds!

    • Word, sister!!!

  28. I’ve learned that:

    A man doesn’t truly love you unless he is struggling to refrain from ripping out your throat.

    Attempting suicide – ahem, I mean, “behaving recklessly” – is the surest way to get the love of your life back.

    It’s okay when my brother in law snaps at me, because it’s in his nature and should be immediately excused.

    If a man tells me he doesn’t love me and leaves me with no contact for months, I should not be angry when he tells me he wants me back and, oh yeah, he lied about that whole “not wanting me” thing.

    … and that the surest way to tell my husband I’d like to “have relations” is to say something like, “Today I saw a photo of Rob Pattinson soaking wet.”

    • HAHAHAHA!! Word.

    • … and that the surest way to tell my husband I’d like to “have relations” is to say something like, “Today I saw a photo of Rob Pattinson soaking wet.”

      double WORD!!

  29. I learned from Stephanie Meyers that:

    It’s sexy when a guy watches you sleep… when you don’t know it

    A guy is content to just cuddle, in your room, in the dark, and will always say no when you throw yourself at him because protecting your virtue is more important than his sex drive

    It is okay to almost fall apart when he mentions breaking up with you. You have become that weak that you can’t function without him.

    When said boy leaves, it is okay to complete fall apart and give up on life, friends, and family, only to turn to another guy to put YOU back together

    When possessive ex-boyfriend comes back into your life, it is okay to accept him back without a blink of an eye and defend him to your friends and family when they express the fact that you shouldn’t be with him. It’s ridiculous to think that not being with him would be for MY own good! Ha ha!

    It is okay not to have any backbone whatsoever. Weak, fumbling, and having no self respect is what being a woman is all about. Because, lord knows, a woman cannot survive without a man and his family telling you what to think, feel, and do in everyday life.

    *Sigh* sometimes I wonder why I love this series so much. It goes against everything I stand for as a woman. I often wonder how Twilight would’ve been different if Bella had become a strong woman after Edward left. I think it would be sexy if Edward finally met his equal in me… i mean… err… Bella… after she gets a spine! Yeah, definitely NOT me. Heh heh… *nervous smile*

    • J? Is that you? ;-)

      I agree! I just wrote that in a comment to someone’s comment. Why do I, for the love of HHH, even like this series?! If it has only brought me to love aforementioned HHH, then I’ll take it. He is a much welcome addition to my life. :-D

    • i would LOVE to see that. edward needs an equal not a simpering baby.

    • To see how Bella should have handled taking him back read “Seducing Ms. Swan”. The name is misleading, but Bella grows up, grows a back bone and gives Edward a run for his money. That did it for me.

  30. I can see why Edwards really weird. ..other than the fact that he’s clinically dead… but he’s a 109 yr. old dead guy who has the working hormones of a 17 year old boy who’s never ever been laid..

    I mean, getting laid and being a 17 year old boy, no wonder he has that painful look on his face. all the time.

    Its a case of DSB (deadly sperm build up).

  31. I have done some reflecting on this post as well as on all the well thought out comments and have come to a conclusion.

    I’ve learned that even though I have an English/Journalism degree as well as a law degree, I am not immune to loving poorly written, sappy, illogical books. All the flaws mentioned in the above comments just DO NOT MATTER to me. I love the series, huge flaws and all. I admit to doing a bit of eye-rolling while reading (especially through BD – half breed baby?, no fight, wha!?), but it just doesn’t matter….it just doesn’t matter, it just doesn’t matter, it just doesn’t matter!!*

    *Says Rudy the Rabbit.

    • BN, you took the words right out of my mouth! It just doesn’t matter to me, either. I was conflicted thru BD, too, and then I decided to like it that there was no fight. It was like they had Peace Talks, and it worked! Hooray for Passivists!!

    • Hey…….Just so everyone knows…. I’m totally Normal

      and I totally agree with you BN….I’m just not immune….we all have our dirty little secret things we like, and it just turns out the Twilight hit just the right chord for a lot of us.

      Why try and fight it, Why try and justify it…
      I say…Live it UP!! :D

  32. I learned from Twilight more about myself.. just how passionate I can be (I’m surprised myself) … and over this craply written teen romance? somehow the flaws really just DO NOT matter (totally agree with bellasnemesis)

    and still can’t figure out where’s the hook

    • The hook is that the hot guy (Edward) ends up with the ordinary girl (you/SM).

      What girl hasn’t watched the hot guy from across the school yard and wished that he would notice her? It plays in to all of our fantasies.

      Once the series moves beyond that, it is way bad.

      • well, this is one of the reasons, but there is more…
        everytime I re-read the books I hook up on different things than the previous time:)

  33. I learned that my sister and I have totally different opinions on what a controlling man is. I wanted to throw the book when Edward told Bella she couldn’t see Jacob, my sister was upset because Bella hurt Edward by sneaking out to see Jake.

    • throw the book!

  34. I learned a lot of crap, but mostly that I get really angry at shit and like to cuss a lot. Thankfully, @MsJbell taught me the word, FUCKERY.

    Also, meeting OL friends in the RW kinda rulz, all the Twilight crap was just a catalyst.

    I have nothing funny to write today, so I will just say, <3 your faces!

    • And wait patiently for Moon to put that drunken fuckery mix together for you…

    • I thumbsdeded up! Awesome Blossom!

      It really was a catalyst for meeting soooo many amazing people. Like you! It makes my heart smile big. :-D

    • This just made me laugh out loud and cry a little in front of some students I am working with. “F***ery”. That’s hilarious. My girls and I always say we need to use the pissery.

  35. what I learned from the twilight saga: I should have never read them

    I now sit online far too much to look at pictures of the same people [mainly one guy: Rob. duh.] everyday, itching for a fix if I dont.

    I talk about said people/person far too often with the people in my real life. even when they arent interested to hear about it, seeing as I dont read about anything else anymore…

    I now have a warped brain thinking there is a possible chance that I will meet a hot vampire who only wants to love me, and not take advantage of my oh so precious blood bank and/or virginity.

    ALL SONGS I hear, love songs or other, are now somehow related to some charactor/scene from the saga. and I point out all the reasons why, outloud, even when no one is around.
    and I cry when it relates to new moon. even if I was in a hella great mood berfore hand.

    I now think my e-friends understand me more than irl friends.

    When ever I/someone get/s a papercut, I think of Jasper ripping my/their arm off. and how I dont have an Edward to save me/them.

    My heart beats faster when I see a silver volvo. even when I tell it not to.

    and I may or may not think that I have a chance to meet, become friends with, date, marry, etc with the super sex that is Robert Pattinson. and possibly Jackson Rathbone too….

    Xk

    its a tough life, but I kind of like it ;] for now.

    • I got this same issue. I wish I had never read these books because it is all I can think about and I also wish I could stop re-reading them. I have never in my 35 years re-read ANY book, let alone 4 of them. They make me terribly sad too. WTF?? I am spending way too much time one this one subject and I get rather cranky when I can’t get my fix on line, movie or by book. This movie is terrible but I keep watching and ya know what? Nothing changes in between viewings!

  36. http://www.newmoonmovie.org/2009/07/breaking-dawn-movie-to-stay-adult-and-edgy-like-book/

    -news about breaking dawn’s steaminess. hahaa. they’re keepin it steamy. STEAMY. ahhaha. skip to 2:35. thanks to newmoonmovie on twitter.

    • ‘adult’ and ‘edgy’?
      My retinas are already burning.

    • Wait- I need some help… which part of BD was “steamy”? Was it the part where SM alludes to penetration using flowery adjectives? Or maybe the part where Edward cocks (heh) his eyebrow at Bella and says something that would be considered suggestive in 1883?

  37. Moon – you’ve only been a Twihard for a human baby gestation period? Me too!!

    See – it’s always the born again’s that are most hardcore.

    • ahahaha the born agains! hahaha we take something into our hearts and we don’t let go! for reals.

      you made me LOL with that one!

  38. I’ve learned that my husband sucks and that I am a crazy sexually crazed teenager trapped in the body of a 30 year. At least I still get carded for lottery tickets…
    I’ve also learned that I’m OCD and get crazy mad at my employees when they ask me to do anything resembling work. Can you believe the nerve of these people?!? Can’t they see I’m freakin busy cyber-stalking??

    • DUH! priorities people! you have REAL work to be doing! aka stalking rob

  39. [...] Everything I needed to know about life I learned from Twilight … [...]

  40. [...] when we gathered together some of the lessons we had learned from Twilight last year? Well, it’s time we hit up New Moon since the film version is out and we’ve [...]

  41. [...] lessons learned hereDear LTT-ers and TwiHards,Remember when we gathered together some of the lessons we had learned from Twilight last year? Well, it’s time we hit up New Moon since the film version is out and we’ve [...]

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