Happy 4th of July from the Twilight gang

flying-flagDear LTT readers,

The crew over at the Cullen house asked us to pass along their tips & advice to enjoy the best Independence Day possible!

(If you’re not from the US and not celebrating the holiday today, you could still take to heart these words of wisdom)

Carlisle: Practice safety while using fireworks. The 4th of July is the most dangerous holiday in the US due to misuse of fireworks. Most loss of limbs could be prevented- it is due to stupid mistakes from people not following instruction (When it’s not due to stupid mistakes, it’s usually the fault of my son, Jasper, but I don’t write that on the medical report)

Esme: If you don’t want to cook Italiano, try my favorite recipe. All the Cullens love it on special occasions. Hunt a fresh mountain lion and a fresh grizzly bear. Track them down, stalk them, pounce and then kill them. Drag them back to the family house and then drink the blood. Sprinkle with love and stir in good times.

Rosalie: When I was a human, I celebrated 4th of July every year by being crowned the Independence Queen at the Rochester, NY Independence Day fair. Of course, I never intended to become a vampire, so I don’t celebrate the holiday anymore.

Emmett: My advice is simple- get yourself a hot girl, a keg (I prefer a deer blood keg) and a raw bear burger. Grab the fam- play a lil baseball and you’re set!

Bella: I find to keep your child occupied during the day, if you have no other children for him/her to play with, it is best to invest in a dog.  In our case, we have a wolf. And while you’re at it, if your kids are playing with wolves, why not let them play in traffic too.

Edward: I’ve learned that if you have accident-prone or klutzy people in your family, it’s best to keep them away from the grill, the fireworks, the stick you use for s’mores, the diving board on the pool, the volleyball court and the local Native American reservation. (If you have a reservation near by, you’d probably be safest to lock up your loved one…) Another tip that you can learn from my mistakes is to practice safe sex. You never know if someone’s semen, though it should be venemous, is actually safe & will produce a half-vampire child. Even Alice didn’t see that one coming…

Alice: It is not okay to help yourself to seconds or grab an extra large piece of patriotic cake. I know you think you’re going to exercise tomorrow, but trust me. You won’t. You can always bet on me

Jasper: Are you usually the one who laughs at the people wearing the flag t-shirts whistling “America the Beautiful” all day long? Don’t really feel like you have a patriotic spirit? Don’t worry. This year, with my help, you will wake up with the Star Spangled Banner stuck in your head all day, which you will sing, loudly, for everyone to hear. And forget a flag t-shirt, you’re going to be inspired to collect all the flags in your neighbor’s yards & sew together your very own, custom, patriotic flag-outfit (similar to this one (UC note- don’t click unless you want to see a big girl almost naked, seriously) here.) You will feel patriotic this holiday, with my help!

Advice from UC & Moon: Feel free to make this your desktop background:

4thofjuly_LTT

And make sure to listen to this song:

Happy 4th of July!
Love,
UC & Moon & all the Cullens

Celebrate with Rob over on LTR

Not going to a picnic today (why not!? you should’ve told me- I would have invited you over!) play in The Forum

We are both out and about all weekend, so we may not approve your comment right away if it’s in moderation. Just chillax- enjoy. Eat a hot dog, or a raw bear burger if you’d rather! XO

About these ads

24 Responses

  1. ‘Another tip that you can learn from my mistakes is to practice safe sex. You never know if someone’s semen, though it should be venemous, is actually safe & will produce a half-vampire child. Even Alice didn’t see that one coming…’ OMG…and how!!! ROFLMFAO!!!!! :D Happy 4th everbody!!! :)

  2. “sew together your very own, custom, patriotic flag-outfit (similar to this one (UC note- don’t click unless you want to see a big girl almost naked, seriously) here.) You will feel patriotic this holiday,”
    Well girls after clicking ‘here’ I’ve NEVER been so glad to be English {despite the whipping we got 200 odd years ago}….Is this how you all dress today?
    Happy Independance Day folks
    ….glad you put it to such good use, this and the Pattinson Pants……

    • yes… i wore a flag bra + the pattinson pants

      • AHHHHHH….but did YOU look as good as THAT lady?

    • Why did I click? Why? Why? Why? Every time I am warned, I do it anyway. Hmph, I may have to go start drinking beer now. It’s after noon where some of you are, right?

    • Why Why Why i thought you were kidding? why? my eyes my eyes ugh

      happy 4th, practice safe everything sing patriotic songs and to non us friends, happy saturday!

  3. You never know if someone’s semen, though it should be venemous, is actually safe & will produce a half-vampire child. Even Alice didn’t see that one coming…

    genious!

    happy independence day to all the americans! <3

  4. That manip with the flags is amazing. Y’all win.

    Wait, no…even better is Lee, singing our unofficial 2nd national anthem. ‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this laaaaaaaand…

  5. *Happy Indepence Day to all the Americans.*

  6. Brilliant Breaking Dawn observation! Srsly!

    Happy Fourth all!

  7. I LOVE that song! It gives me goosebumps and makes me cry every time I hear it!
    You ladies have a good weekend, eating hot dogs and raw bear burgers, swimming in the pool, lighting fireworks, and just enjoying the day we kicked some beautiful brit’s ancestor’s butt!

  8. Carlisle is definitely not kidding, I’ve already seen someone this AM who blew off half his face with some sort of of firework. But yes, I do have time to comment from here in the ICU.

    Happy fourth and be safe!

    • That’s so sad, we have the same thing in England on Guy Fawkes {5th November}, despite all the publicity and public displays people still do foolish things like going ‘back to’ fireworks.
      Hope your 4th July is healthy as well as happy everyone……..
      ROB says STAY SAFE…..
      {hay do you think Rob saying stay safe on a condom brand would sell? Condom aimed at the female market perhaps?}
      How sad am I? I’m actually laughing out loud at my own joke……….

  9. I want to go to Emmett’s party.

    • I’ll swing by and pick you up….bring your dessert with the whipped cream and berries. (ifyouknowwhatImsayin….) ;)

      • OHHHHHHHHHHHH Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

  10. HEY! You girls said that picture was for your private collection! You LIED to me!

    Kidding. I never wear hats.

  11. Bella = Score.
    Hilarious, as always.

  12. dear me! You were not kidding about clicking that link! LOL

  13. I knew that was what the song was going to be! I must be half psychic

    • you ARE psychic! or.. it’s just an obvious pick for the 4th!

  14. “…best to invest in a dog.” LOL

  15. My elementary use to sing that “God Bless the U.S.A” song at friday morning sing-a-long…oh the memories.

  16. ONLY IRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 158 other followers

%d bloggers like this: