How to create your very own Unicorn

Dear “All the single (LTT) ladies,”

I know. It’s rough out there. You meet a nice fella, and he takes you out, but it just doesn’t feel right. He took you to a day-time baseball game so clearly he doesn’t sparkle. In like 10 minutes he consumed 3 cheeseburgers and 4 hot dogs with chilli & onions on top, so obviously he’s not a “vegetarian.”  He didn’t seem very interested in finding out what was hidden in your mind, and you’re pretty sure he grabbed the beer girl’s ass when he thought you weren’t looking. Is it you? Is chivalry dead? Are your expectations too high because of that vampire story you blew through in a weekend? Yeah, probably. (But in the case of this baseball date-dude, he sounds like a fat slob, so good call on saying no to date #2).

Would you like this to be your Unicorn?

Would you like this to be your Unicorn?

It’s safe to say that the Twilight Saga has created some unrealistic expectations of men for many women. (A week or so ago Lauren from Lauren’s Bite wrote a great bit about this very topic.) We think we know the solution to your problem- what you really need: A Unicorn of your very own!

If you’re new to LTT/LTR you’re probably asking what the H a Unicorn is. Well, check out our first post about a Unicorn here, but basically a Unicorn is a mythical creature- something no one is really sure actually exists. Aka: A man who reads, loves or watches Twilight.  Unicorns tend to hang out at airports, but we’ve spotted them a few other places over the past few months, including on our very own blog! (If all this time you’ve been thinking we’re talking about the “unicorns” in the fan ficton Wide Awake well, you would be wrong (and kinda perverted)! If you’re unfamiliar with what a unicorn is in Wide Awake… I’ll tell you when you’re older)

As a young married gal (not to a unicorn but to a guy who says stuff about rob) who runs a blog where unicorns like to lurk, I feel I am appropriate skilled in the art of making a unicorn. You can call me your guru, I won’t mind.

This Unicorn would like to be your lover

This Unicorn would like to be your lover

Step 1: (cut a hole in the box) Find yourself a male. Any male will do, but it would be best if he’s someone you could see yourself gettin’ it on with (cuz that’s what happens with me as your guru). Don’t worry if he seems a little out of your league. I’m the best at this, I assure you.

Step 2: Invite this outta-your-league guy over to your home. Tell him Ashley Greene is going to be there (“we’re going to lie”- name that quote!)

Step 3: Get him liquored up. Offer him any type of alcohol he’d like. When he asks where Ashley is, tell him she was swinging by to pick up Kristen, Rachelle & Nikki and they said to start without them.

Step 4: Keep him drinking until he passes out. Once he does, figure out a way to tie him up nice and tight. (An older brother or a burly man would be helpful in this step- ooh- you can ask the fat slob from your baseball date!)

Step 5:  When he awakens from his drunken slumber, tell him he isn’t allowed to leave until he reads all 4 books AND watches the movie (and the ET New Moon specials). If he resists, tell him the Twi-girls asked him too. Tell them they’ll reenact the scene in the middle of Eclipse when all the lesbian vampires get it on (“we’re going to lie”)

Step 6: A Unicorn is Born!

I was discussing this post with my husband trying to get some creative “how to make a unicorn” ideas and he said,

Mr. Choice:  A dude isn’t going to go hang out with some ugly chick and watch Twilight just because there’s beer there. Nobody likes beer that much.

Eff him. So I asked,

Me: What if it was a hot girl?

Mr. Choice: If he thought if he was going to be able to hook-up with her.”

Ask this Unicorn for a unicorn

Ask this Unicorn for a unicorn

As a result of this conversation I have another method for you to try which might possibly be more effective:

Step 1: Get hot (if you’re not already)

Step 2: Invite outta-your-league guy over to your home with no mention of Ashley Greene

Step 3: Tell him that if he watched Twilight with you, you’ll hook-up with him after.

Step 4: Ride ‘em hard.

Step 5: A unicorn is made (hopefully both kinds)

Told you I was a guru.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Thanks to LaPush baby for the idea!

Coincidentally, the DAY I wrote this, ArmyUnicorn (our latest unicorn on LTT) wrote a how-to-guide for creating your own unicorn.  Although, I think mine is more realistic (and his doesn’t include Step #4 of my second method) his is kinda decent. Read after the jump!

Dear LTT gals,

Ok, here you are: A do-it-yourself guide to creating your very own unicorn. Here are 8 tips, in descending order of difficulty, to get your guy interested Twilight. As a unicorn myself, I took my insider’s knowledge about guys to figure out a few points which might sway the average guy to our way of thinking.

8- Mention vampires and/or werewolves every time you talk about anything twi-related. These are key words which never fail to interest a normal guy.

7- Ask him if he knows anything about the cars or bikes in the books. Tell him you want to know more about them so you can imagine them better in the story. If he’s a car guy, he’ll be more than happy to go way deeper into detail than you care to hear, but it’ll definitely draw his attention.

6- Talk about your disgust, real or feigned, at some of the more gory parts – Victoria being torn apart and burned, creepy little Jane torturing people with her mind, three thousand year old uber creepy vamps luring innocent tourists to the slaughter, and so on. Pretend to go to him for comfort while reading those parts. He’ll be interested in the gruesome details, while simultaneously be pleased to comfort you. A double whammy.

5- Men love super powers. Why do you think so many of us are crazy about comic book characters and superhero movies? Primitive, vicious, nearly indestructible hunters like Demetri or James sound very similar to a dude called Wolverine. Amazonian women who can create illusions. Bizarre Egyptians who can move the elements with their minds. Super speed. Super strength. Mind reading. Casually mention something about how much you’d like to have one of them, or compare powers and see which he prefers.

4- The average guy won’t be very willing to drool with you over Rob. Make a point to mention the girls now and then. Kristen is fantastically beautiful, if a little on the young side. Rosalie, wow, hello. Victoria, what guy doesn’t love redheads? Any woman willing to discuss another girls attractiveness will find herself with a very compliant guy.

3- If he’s an intellectual, or an artist, give him a dose of twi-losophy. I remember reading a post on here earlier about how one reader felt overwhelmed by Twilight and refused to read the rest of the saga, while most people have the opposite reaction and need to know what happens. It’s the nature of art, to consume us body and soul, to enflame our passions, our longings, our losses, our confusions. Art reflects life, and when something elicits those deep emotions in us, we get drawn in so easily. The saga is a story after all, talk about the abstract qualities of an emotional work of art…if he’s into that kind of thing.

2- Another on for the intellectually inclined: there’s always something to talk about with vampires. Questions about immortality. Being literal when you tell someone that you’ll love them forever. Carlisle’s compassion and vegetarian philosophy in the face of his nature. Whether or not they are damned, or if sin and hell are just concepts talked about in buildings with steeples and pews. Edward’s morality, trying to do the right thing for Bella, wanting to save her, but changing her in the name of love anyway. If your guy is of the sort, it may help to intellectualize a book which he might see as girly or lowly popular fiction.

1- The central theme to the saga is a love story. If your guy loves you, or the friend you’re converting has ever been in love, then he’s got the general idea. If you’ve ever had a serious talk with him about your real life love before, maybe he’ll listen if you talk to him about how Bella and Edward remind you on occasion of the two of you- how sometimes, when Bella gets lost in his eyes, that you’ve felt the same way with your guy before. Or how you’ve had moments where a simple little kiss would release a wave of passion, and it reminded you of the time when… If he associates the romantic parts with you, maybe it won’t seem too feminine to enjoy on his own (something I’ve never understood, anyway. I’ve been a hopeless romantic for far too long to really get how guys can let ego or machismo stand in the way of appreciating a good love story, fictional or not. In my opinion healthy love requires a balance of the masculine and feminine).

Anyway, there you have it. Go now, and conquer. Be like Caesar over the Rhine, vini vidi vici.

The End
ArmyUnicorn

*Anyone interested in knowing if ArmyUnicorn is single? I am! I bet some of you are…(hint Moon, Hint!)

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79 Responses

  1. see, this is why armyunicorn has to marry my friend. we need this kind of male around. my husband just can’t appreciate anything about twilight. thank you armyunicorn. stay safe out there.

    • No way! He has to marry my friend! She loves Twilight and boys in uniform. A Unicorn in uniform would be her perfect match!

    • Lol, thanks girls. I’ve never been proposed to before, and now all of a sudden they’re coming in droves. It’s mildly surreal =P

      • See what happens when you mention that you love Twilight? You become almost as popular as Edward!

  2. I love the addition to your own advice and I LOVE armyunicorn’s letter.
    I actually tried many of those points on my best friend, but I don’t know if he’s read twilight yet and/or seen the movie because it wasn’t so long ago and I don’t wanna push him.

  3. All of these suggestions are great! I’m not sure any of them would work on my husband. Although, I think out of all of them, armyunicorn’s suggestion #2 seems to me to be my best shot. The hubs did promise to watch the movie with me one of these days, so that’s a step in the right direction.

    • Good Luck.

  4. Ride ‘em hard!! LOL! You definitely made my morning.

    And I think I’m going to have to try some of armyunicorn’s suggestions on ML. He very grudgingly watched the movie (it took two days) but was so disgusted that Bella survived the fight scene (apparently he’d been rooting for James) that he flung his hands up and left the room.

  5. As a woman who has created her own unicorn, I must stress how important step #4 is on method 2. Because my hubby’s exact words were, “I was pretty sure reading this would also get me laid.”

    And damn Wide Awake for always making me think dirty thoughts when I hear “unicorn.”

    • My mind goes straight to Wide Awake too. lol!!!

      And I’m sure that my unicorn thought the same thing when he finally broke down and let me start reading to him…that it would get him laid.

    • hahahahaha i LOVE that he said that!

  6. This is soooo fantabulous!!! Armyunicorn is just pure genius!! Thanks for making my Monday morning more bareable!!! :)

    • “bareable!!!” I love it! and bearable, cuz you’re totally hitting that (your unicorn, of course)
      great letters, UC and ArmyUnicorn! Still working on my hubster to join the twi-life.
      my guess for “we’re going to lie”- Bella says this to Edward the first time they are alone together in the new cottage – but don’t cha think Alice already knows they’ll never look at the closet til muchhhh later?

      • oh yes… obviously alice knows… :) and yay! you’re right

  7. none of those unicorns look very happy in their hot topic swag.

    if armyunicorn is single, i think he probably wont be for much longer.

    • i agree.. armyunicorn is going to fall in love via LTT and we’ll have our first LTT wedding.

      I love all those hot topic unicorns!

      • Ok, since it’s come up a few times already, I’ll set the facts straight. Yes, I’m single. And UC, if I’m as lucky as that, I promise you can plan the LTT wedding. I wonder what the theme would be?? Hmmm….

  8. Option 1:

    “Step 2: Invite this outta-your-league guy over to your home. Tell him Ashley Greene is going to be there (”we’re going to lie”- name that quote!)”

    - Bella from BD!! When she’s at the cottage for the 1st time and is supposed to check out Alice’s present, a ginormous closet (I want it!), and instead, they do it. All. Night. Long. *sigh ad shudder* :-)

    Option 2:

    “Step 4: Ride ‘em hard.

    Step 5: A unicorn is made (hopefully both kinds)”

    LOLz!! I just read most of WA this weekend so I now know what you’re talking about! Hilarious!

    Can I say that this is my first Twi-fanfic and it’s seriously one of the BEST things I’ve ever read. Oh Lord. I won’t go into deets b/c the little bro reads this here blog and that’d just be disturbing to divulge :-P

    Ok, and little bro (ArmyUnicorn)?

    Wow.

    He’s just too darn smart and insightful for his own good.

    And those of you who think guys couldn’t possibly be this deep and insightful and great, especially with their feelings toward women and having a romantic side, and still be hetero? Meet my brother. He’s the baby of the fam and I have another bro 15 months younger than me, and they are 2 of the BEST guys you will ever meet. Quite the catches, if I do say so myself.

    Moon & UC? I think it’s freakin’ hilarious that you’re including him so much here now. I love it! I love that I steared him here and he’s gotten so involved when he was pretty hesitant before. It’s just hilarious.

    Ok, off to check LTR and the Forum.

    I checked in at the Forum on Sat night saying I’d be back after reading some fanfic (WA), but, um, I didn’t return. That sh*t is so EFing good! I am totally obsessed. I have 5 more chapters. I don’t want to rush since I know it’s not finished, but GAWD! That sh*t is so EFing good!

    • Marta – what is Wide Awake and where do I find it???

      I enjoy your brothers posts, thanks for bringing him here! I’m going to show it to my hubby who is the complete opposite of a unicorn. In another attempt to get him interested in Twilight I said “how about I read some of it outloud to you, doesn’t that sound fun?” His reply was – “can I wear my iPod while you’re readiing?” – I took that as a no.

      • Here you go! Go to the left column and all the chapters are listed (48 so far).

        Wide Awake

      • Oh, sorry.

        Wide Awake is fanfiction. The BEST fanfiction I’ve ever read. *fans self*

        Have faith in your hubby! Honestly though, not all men have the same thought processes and open-mindedness as others, such as ArmyUnicorn. So if it doesn’t take, at least you tried. :-)

    • wait.. armyunicorn is YOUR bro!? awesome!

      read the WA part on the forum- there’s TONS of good stuff!!!

    • First, THANK YOU so much for not going into explicit details. It’s saved me months of nightmares and countless hours of therapy.

      Second, golly gee Marta, you’re makin’ me blush here. =P Just cuz I can’t find a girlfriend doesn’t mean you can ham me up on here (yes it does! twilight girls are the best, keep bragging about me!). Did you hear that? I swear I just heard something, huh… Anyway, no more bragging!

      Also, what is up with all this FF craziness? You haven’t mentioned it to me yet. I’ll have to call home tonight and demand answers.

      • hahahaa… ask your sister what a unicorn is… and to explain the scene where bella first says cookie
        hahah

      • HAHAHA good luck with that one marta!

        • Yeaa….nevermind. I think I’m going to never ask her about the FF now. Ever. In my life.

  9. So glad I could inspire a how-to!!

    I would say that the second method is most likely to work for me on Mr LPB, I think he is already on to the fact if he makes me a cocktail, (or 2) leaves me alone, and lets me 1) re-read any book in the series 2) watch my DVD for the millionth time or 3) look through GQ again, and not harass me about it, he is going to get lucky, and soon…..he’s not dumb and he’s not complaining.

    As for the Armyunicorn technique, you are on to something, and I’m going to try some of these steps!! What I am thinking is that after NM comes out, and the bad vampires come back, and the Volturri show up, he may get more interested in reading the books. He had a lot of questions after seeing the movie, and some things I had to answer by moving ahead in the story. I did try step 4 to get him to watch the movie in the first place, “Look, the gals are hot!” and that worked. And though he won’t drool over Rob with me, he thinks it is hilarious that I do, because according to him he’s “pretty gay”. (He is mostly basing this on Twilight, with the bouffant, lipstick and plucked eyebrows to go on, and he likes to tease me a lot, so I’m not sure what he really thinks sometimes)

    However, if it doesn’t work, I am going to hunt down ArmyUnicorn and marry him, because you, sir, are adorable. Marta, you SHOULD be proud, this is one high-quality bro you have.

  10. Me and my bff have decided to take a picture of Rob’s face and put it on a paper bag. Then while hubby’s sleeping, I will put it over his head and I will have instant Edward/Rob. BUT then we thought, what if there’s a fire or something and we have to leave our house and hubby is all confused because he has a bag on his head. Or what if a burglar comes in and shoots him and then the police find his body with Edward’s “bag head” on him? So we nixxed the idea. Yea we’re thoughtful like that. So maybe I’ll promise hubby some “unicorns” if he watches Twilight with me. I mean that’s how I get anything I want anyway. LOL

    And the “get hot” line killed me. LMAO

    • LOL!

      That’s HiLaRious!
      :-)

    • hahahahaah

      • hi

    • wow you really thought that out!

  11. Um, I’m single….

  12. ” we’re going to lie” Bella in Breaking Dawn.

    My DH is a unicorn. He listens when I talk about the books. He’ll ask questions about them. He’ll ask me if I want to watch “my” movie. I’ll say yes because I know HE wants to watch it. He’s always on the lookout for any Twilight stuff he can get me. I’ve trained him well.

    • TOO cute!

    • you’ve trained him well … go girl! *lol*

    • Wow…sounds like you are living my dream life. My hubby would never and I do mean NEVER buy me twilight stuff, and when I put the movie on he leaves the room as fast as he can….I did get him to read the books (which he agreed to so I would finally stop harassing him), but now that he has read them he spends his time criticizing the writing and telling me how BAD Stephen King thought it was Blah..blah …blah….

      Bummer right? I know….I’m gonna trade him in for a new model soon.
      Can you tell me where you got yours?

  13. That middle guy with the wristband kills me! I mean, does he have dirty pics or life-wrecking dirt on one of the execs at Hot Topic? Not that he’s all that fugly, but when you look at their other models compared to him it’s like “One of these things is not like the other ones…”, you know?? Or is it just me?? Maybe he’s just not a fan of the wristband thing. Or they photographed him at an awkward angle – lol…

    • It’s not just you. He’s probably ok looking in RL, but that is no flattering photo! Although I was thinking he was taking the wristband WAY too seriously.

      omg I have to go to work and stop this, I am over-analyzing a Hot Topic model’s photo.

  14. Lauren is a proud owner of he rvery own unicorn-man of awesomespice awesomeness.

    • *waves* Hi Lauren!

      Yay! Go Tedward!

      We’ve missed you! You may not know me well yet, but I love your blog and I pretty much love here at LTT and LTR and the Forum.
      :-)

  15. UC I gotta ask you. Are those guys in the above pics are the real unicorns? if yes, then they won’t stay single for long. Too bad Im all the way over here in India to meet any of our LTT Unicorns. But hopefully someday…

    *******

    To ArmyUnicorn

    Don’t worry we(guys & girls) are all hopeless romantic.
    Some admit it, some don’t. But we all are.

    Good luck finding your lady.

    maygirl

    • no! Those guys are hot topic models!! haha

  16. The planets aligned, clouds parted and the angels sang- my husband finally watched Twilight yesterday! He liked it too! His comments were, “Bella’s not that hot” and “I think Brad Pitt in Interview w/a Vampire was way better looking than that Edward dude”. Blasphemy! At least he’s on track to becoming a unicorn…: )

    • now.. ‘re-pay’ him.. you KNOW that’s what he wants!

      • Did and done!

  17. This is unrelated, but have you guys seen the pictures on a certain vancouver gossip website?

    http://www.laineygossip.com/Kristen_Stewart_and_Michael_Arangano_spend_time_together_in_Vancouver_despite_objections_from_Summit.aspx?CatID=0&CelID=0

    Kstew: Come on, Michael. Just say the spider monkey line! ROB would do it. (sigh) (jumps off)

  18. Hey armyunicorn, since I already proposed to Jordan, our other resident unicorn, I’ll go for broke and propose to you too.( if you ever get deployed to Kuwait,I’ll show you around this place * hint hint!*

    • Actually, I’m getting deployed to Iraq this summer, and I will be in Kuwait for a few weeks. But I don’t think I’ll have any leave time to go into the civilian world. Although, it’s possible I’ll get R&R and get to visit Kuwait for a few weeks..

  19. @UC

    This place is gonna be crawling with Unicorns pretty soon, especially if they find out loving/knowing/reading/mentioning Twilight will get them laid! :) I guess my hubs is pretty smart for figuring that out early on. It saved me the trouble of going through all the steps ;)

    • hahaha… i’m still trying to get my husband there!

  20. lol lol “Cut a hole in the box”
    Sadly, I don’t think any of the afore mentioned steps will convert my boyfriend into a unicorn. I did get him to go to the movie, and he said he’ll see the next ones, but he will never touch the book.

  21. OK first feel free to kill me but what the hell is WIde Awake????

    Not sure that I need to have perverse thoughts about unicorns tho :P

    As an owner of a unicorn(altho I didnt have to create mine….he was prebuilt that way …even before Twilight ) Im pretty sure all of the steps mentioned above would work

    • Wide awake is a verrrry popular fan fiction about bella & edward!

    • “owner” of a unicorn…hahaha, i love it.

  22. Still a Wide Awake virgin. Proudly.

    OK…this post cracked me up.
    “Get hot…if you’re not already…”
    That’s a lot of effort for some of us, ya know?

  23. hahaha. Great letter today, UC.

    Hi ladies. I just had to come on today to see if the unicorn-making guide which I emailed UC about would get posted.

    I have to apologize though, I can’t respond to anyone specifically tonight, although I have TONS of things I want to say, hehe. I’ve been at the firing ranges for 13(!!!!) hours straight today, in the heat, and I’m absolutely beat. (Numerous times today when I was firing, all I could think was: “this bullet wouldn’t hurt any of the Cullens.” Is that weird?).

    But despite my exhaustion, I couldn’t stay away from you girls, and I promise to come back and comment tomorrow.

    • He’s so cute…. “Is that weird?”

      It’s NOT weird, That’s Normal!

  24. Oh my god.
    I think I’m in love with ArmyUnicorn!
    Not just because he likes Twilight, but because all he said in step #1.
    I thought guys who where awere of their feelings, where unicorns too.. xD, but, anyway…

    UC, i loved today’s letter!
    Every time u write “unicorn” I remember -Wide Awake- lol!! But I know u r not talking about that kind of unicorns xD

    I liked the last steps:
    Step 4: Ride ‘em hard.
    Step 5: A unicorn is made (hopefully both kinds)

    ROFL.

    byebye!

  25. Oh, I remembered something else I wanted to say.

    My little brother is also a Unicorn!!
    He hasn’t read the books (because he’s not too much of a reader, lol), but he saw the movie (twice in the theater and twice at home with me).

    In fact, HE was the one who made me GO and see Twilight. He went first, with he’s GF and liked the movie so much (but the ass of his GF didn’t! say what?!). When he came back to home, he told me Twilight was GREAT, and romantic and bla bla.

    So, when i read the books, he asked me to tell him what happened in every book, and he asked me questions and discussed the story! Cute =3

    and, sometimes, he buys me twilight-stuff. Like mags with Rob’s face, or stickers xD

    I luurv my Little-bro!

    • Yay!

      Little bro unicorns rock!
      :-D

      • no argument here ;-)

  26. I LOVE this letter. Thank you for making me laugh girls!

  27. Despite these fabulous perspective, I don’t think I will ever succeed in turning my man into a unicorn. Oh well. :( Maybe I need a new man? HAHA!

    Oh, btw, I love this reference:
    “Step 1: (cut a hole in the box) ”

    I now love you even more (assuming its a reference to my favourite EVER SNL skit)

  28. UC, I couldn’t help noticing a big difference between our approaches. And the number of comments about “riding em hard and creating a unicorn” point out that difference better than anything. lol..

    Now, first of all, you don’t think that I haven’t that about that angle, do you?? Please… I’m a straight guy, obsessed with a movie filled with fantastically gorgeous women, and talking about it to a bunch of women who, from reading the responses on this post, seem to have as much of a sex drive as any guy I know. Of COURSE I’ve thought about that. But A) my sister reads this here blog, and I’m not about to scar her, just like she declined to scar me. And B) I figured it would be safer, as one of the few unicorns among countless women, to treat lightly when it came to the explicit stuff so that I don’t get confused with a creep or anything. I figure, if I had an audience, I could always write a FF story about that. I’m a pretty good writer, as my sister will tell you without hesitancy.

    The other thing is, to be honest, when I first started thinking about the whole ‘making-a-unicorn’ idea, my first list only had numbers 1,2, and 3 on it. I guess that my thoughts went first for those kinds of things. Especially while I was reading the saga. I mean, sure there were teases in the story about the physical moments (particularly during the honeymoon and in the cabin). But, well, how do I explain this. Oh! Perfect Twilight reference: Like when Edward was asking Bella about her sexual past, and she responds by saying that she never felt enough for anyone. Edward says that for most people, lust and love don’t necessarily go hand in hand. But Bella says that for her, they do. Well, when I read that I specifically remember thinking that I’m the same way. It’s just, I dunno, I’ve always been that way. Not the normal guy, I guess.

    But anyway, UC, I like your approach too, and thanks for tacking mine on to the end =P I just had to say something about this, considering the enthusiastic response the word “riding” seemed to evoke in your audience. (btw, I have NO idea what the heck a unicorn is in that sexual reference)

    • I for one am glad you’re not a “normal” guy with sex on the brain. And as much as most people don’t want to admit it, women really do think about sex as much as guys do. We just have to prioritize it with taking care of the kids, working, cleaning, cooking, and doing everything else we have to do to make the world go round. You still have dibs on my friend. Whenever you want someone to obsess over all things Twilight, she’ll be there. She just has to finish college and watch my kids and go out with me whenever I get a sitter that’s not here.

      • Haha, that sounds fine by me. I’m going back to college when I come back next year anyway. I like kids. And I love obsessing over Twilight. Looks like we have one candidate for that first LTT wedding UC was hoping for. Tell her to stop by my blog when she needs my input on the china pattern.

        • Well, if I’m the reason you two get married, I think the least you could do is let me pick out the china pattern. Sheesh!

    • ok…just got on here to read, and I have to say it would totally make my day to have a well written fanfic about twilight by a guy….I don’t even know if any exist at all..just saying…If you did it I would totally support you! <3 Mrs. P.

  29. Yikes

    I had to pop onto the site because my wife has been talking up this unicorn thing. All I can say is, BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID!!! Gentlemen, if any of you have a lady who is swept up in this, the most overrated vampire saga ever, please don’t succumb to the pressure. No amount of sex or trade-off is worth diving into these books or worse yet watching the lifeless film. I’ll try to hold back my real bashing because we all have obsessions that may seem silly to others. God knows I have mine. Ladies please take all the time you want to oooh and ahhh over little Eddie and the vamps, just don’t drag the men in your lives down with you. Men stay strong, pick up a real vampire novel or rent a film that does old Nosferatu proud. Guys (sorry) unicorns, for those of you who have already fallen under the spell of these bargain bin romance novels there may be hope for you. Remember, your testicles descended once. In time you may see them again.

    • hahaha Brian is mad!!!!!!!! Brian read this: http://brightredink.blogspot.com/2009/04/mans-perspective-on-twilight.html

      • I just read that, what a sweet posting!

    • OMG – My husband found my secret online obsession and is talking smack on my favorite blog! Please ignore him…. I can’t believe he came in here and posted something!

      • haha.. sounds like you have some TALKIN’ to do!!

  30. I laughed so loud when I read “cut a hole in a box” that I scared the dogs…..

    • This is awesomeness. My dog barks at the air conditioner and freaks when paper bags fall. I can so see this.

      I already made a unicorn ladies, using many of the tactics mentioned. I was already sleeping with my bf, so he HAD to go to my family’s Thanksgiving, and of course we HAD to listen to Twilight on tape on the way there and back so that I wouldn’t get bored and by the end, he wanted to see the movie.

      Okay, so he still thinks it’s retarded and hates that one of his favorite bands, Muse, is now a TwiTween pick. Maybe I’ll reread this post.

  31. I started reading wide awake because of you.
    I had never heard of it before, but I read about it here and thought, twilight ff, why not?

    I’m finished now. (Done and veery tired… Irony, no?)
    IF I FAIL MY A-LEVELS IT’S YOUR FAULT.
    Or it’s my fault.
    Or it’s angstgoddess003′s fault.
    Or it’s twilight’s fault.
    Or it’s simply the way of the universe.

  32. [...] searched: unicorn theory .  Click here and here. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)You searched [...]

  33. I have one thing to say….
    ARMYUNICORN I EFFING LOVE YOU!!!!

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